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TRANSCRIPT of Episode 132: "Legendary Lights of Clifton Mill - 1 vs 5 Stars"

Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald
Episode 132: "Legendary Lights of Clifton Mill - 1 vs 5 Stars"


*Please pardon any and all spelling errors!

[00:00:00] THEME SONG: Everybody's got an opinion.

Every Californian and Virginian.

It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.

Someone's gotta settle the score.

Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!

Whose views win, which ones lose.

Online haters are comin' for you!

Baby, it's time to Review That Review!

[00:00:30] CHELSEY DONN: Hello!

[00:00:34] TREY GERRALD: to Review That Review. We are the podcast that is dedicated to reviewing.

[00:00:41] CHELSEY DONN: Reviews!

[00:00:42] TREY GERRALD: That's Chelsey Donn.

[00:00:44] CHELSEY DONN: That's Trey Gerald.

[00:00:45] TREY GERRALD: when we come together, we are

[00:00:48] VOICEOVER: The Review Queens!

[00:00:52] CHELSEY DONN: That's right. But first, Trey, it is your turn this week. Would you like to,

[00:00:59] VOICEOVER: Lodge a complaint.

[00:01:00] TREY GERRALD: Oh girl, yes I would.

[00:01:03] CHELSEY DONN: oh, I'm here for you.

[00:01:04] TREY GERRALD: gonna talk a lot about possible fire hazards this episode, and I just put that together in this inhale of breath as I was preparing for this complaint right now, but I really need to lodge a complaint against cleaning out The lint tray and

[00:01:19] CHELSEY DONN: Oh, gross. I hate it, but do it. Yeah.

[00:01:28] TREY GERRALD: my breath when I'm scraping it. So then I'm always like, like actually hurts. Like I can feel like immense pressure, perhaps how Natalie Wood felt when she. Drowned. Uh, why

[00:01:42] CHELSEY DONN: What? Oh, yes. Why did you say that? Oh,

[00:01:46] TREY GERRALD: painful. I might like suffocate myself because I hold my breath and it always takes longer than I want it to. And I'm just wondering, I said that, you kind of nodded in agreement. So

[00:01:56] CHELSEY DONN: thousand percent.

[00:01:57] TREY GERRALD: what is your, what's your lint cleaning experience? Like our ritual, I should say.

[00:02:03] CHELSEY DONN: Okay, well I do like, I don't live alone, so I share a washing machine with a few other people and not everybody in my household is very good about cleaning the lint tray, so that's like the number one thing, like that's a pet peeve, when I do laundry I'm cleaning out the lint tray, but I also have such bad allergies and I had a roommate that had a dog that shed a lot and he wouldn't clean out his lint tray, so I was doing laundry like a couple weeks ago.

And I cleaned that out and then I was literally having a sneezing fit for the next several hours. So I've thought about personally, I'm like, should I wear a mask when I'm cleaning out the lint tray? Because I'm not gonna hold my breath for that long. That just sounds awful.

[00:02:44] TREY GERRALD: Do you always clean it out, well you share, but

[00:02:47] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah,

[00:02:48] TREY GERRALD: it out before doing a load, or

[00:02:50] CHELSEY DONN: both,

[00:02:51] TREY GERRALD: you've completed a load?

[00:02:52] CHELSEY DONN: both,

[00:02:53] TREY GERRALD: Ah.

[00:02:55] CHELSEY DONN: before and after.

I always have to check before to see if like somebody left lint in there because I don't want like our lints to be, you know, mixing and also, yeah, fire hazard. And then, of course, at the end, I always clean it out because I know that someone's going to be using it after me and it's just, it's a part of the ritual for sure, but it's gross and you're so right, it's like a whole process, like you have to get it all off and then put it in the trash and then you gotta put the thingy back and like, it's just, I don't know, I don't know that there's like a better way, but I do hear you and it's something that literally happened to me recently with a sneeze fit, so I get it.

[00:03:33] TREY GERRALD: Yeah, I really just don't like it. It's very unenjoyable. I always, my ritual is doing it before I start a load. So I'm always like very time sensitive about like, I don't want the clothes to be

[00:03:44] CHELSEY DONN: Got it. Do you and David,

[00:03:46] TREY GERRALD: whole thing.

[00:03:47] CHELSEY DONN: do you and David both do laundry or like is one of you more of the laundry person?

[00:03:52] TREY GERRALD: I'm definitely more of the laundry person.

[00:03:54] CHELSEY DONN: You are?

[00:03:54] TREY GERRALD: Yeah.

[00:03:55] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, cause I feel like even if I was married I would want to clean it out because I'd want, I wouldn't want there to be lint after I'm done. But, interesting.

[00:04:03] TREY GERRALD: Yeah, I hate it.

[00:04:04] CHELSEY DONN: I hate it.

[00:04:05] TREY GERRALD: me. It's like, it just, like, feels impractical. It feels dangerous and, um, affronting and arresting.

[00:04:13] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah.

[00:04:14] TREY GERRALD: adjectives. So,

[00:04:15] CHELSEY DONN: of the a adjectives. Haha!

[00:04:18] TREY GERRALD: really just need to add it to the ledger. I hope the next time you're cleaning out your lint drawer or your lint tray, you think of your Review Queen tray, because I feel your pain if it's painful for you.

And if you have

[00:04:29] CHELSEY DONN: Right!

[00:04:30] TREY GERRALD: do let me know, because I hate it.

[00:04:31] CHELSEY DONN: Yes, do let us know. One Eight Five Zero, Review Zero. Zero. All right, Trey, worthy complaint. And now, is it time for us to listen to some other complaints?

[00:04:43] TREY GERRALD: I think so. I also think it's time for us to go hit

[00:04:47] CHELSEY DONN: That's right. Let's do it.

[00:04:49] VOICEOVER: Assess that kvetch.

[00:04:52] TREY GERRALD: let's do it! Okay, so today is another Versus episode and in honor of the season, tis the season, to Battle it out on TripAdvisor, Chelsey and I are going to

[00:05:04] CHELSEY DONN: Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo

[00:05:13] TREY GERRALD: Mill.

[00:05:15] CHELSEY DONN: doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. You know that song? Now that's what I always think of. With Christmas lights, on Home Alone, anyway, they play that song. No? Okay. For this Versus episode, Trey has selected the 5 star and I have selected the 1 star.

So, to determine who reads first, we gotta flip that quota!

[00:05:37] TREY GERRALD: Alright,

[00:05:38] CHELSEY DONN: Alright, Trey, you're flippin I'll guess. Tails.

[00:05:42] TREY GERRALD: it's tails.

[00:05:43] CHELSEY DONN: Oh, here we go again! Alright, we're gonna hear the 1 star.

[00:05:47] TREY GERRALD: be a little abysmal today, but you can catch the positive five star on our after show on Friday.

[00:05:55] CHELSEY DONN: Okay.

[00:05:55] TREY GERRALD: So as I shared, today, we are going to be diving deep and collecting data from both ends of the spectrum of Trip Advisor Reviews for The Legendary Lights of CliftonMill. So, at the time of this recording, there are currently 230 reviews on TripAdvisor, with an average score of 4 out of 5.

And it's very important to note that Legendary Lights of CliftonMill is listed as The number one thing to do in Clifton, Ohio.

[00:06:29] CHELSEY DONN: Wow. Ha ha ha ha ha!

[00:06:32] TREY GERRALD: the whopping list of two whole things to do in Clifton, Ohio. Number two is the Clifton Opera House. So we love that. They're very cultured. For 35 years, CliftonMill has celebrated the Christmas season with their light display, which has been featured in Midwest Living and Ohio Magazine. It also was on that TV show, like, the Fight for Festival Lights competition, like, I think it was during COVID, and it actually won. So

[00:07:05] CHELSEY DONN: Oh, wow, really?

[00:07:06] TREY GERRALD: it's crazy.

So, it has been called one of the country's finest light show with over four million lights illuminating the mill, my favorite word, the gorge, the riverbanks, trees, and bridges. There is even a 100 foot waterfall, quote unquote, of twinkling lights.

[00:07:28] CHELSEY DONN: Wow. Wow.

[00:07:34] TREY GERRALD: winter wonderland, which includes a miniature village, a Santa Claus museum, which we'll get into, but there are over 3, 000 Santa Clauses, explain that to your children, toy collection, and a quote unquote spectacular synchronized lights and music show.

Subs Every night until the eve of Christmas Eve, you can peek into the little windows of Santa's workshop to see a live Santa at work, and then also every 15 minutes, Santa will check his list and he pops out of the chimney and like waves hello to people.

[00:08:14] CHELSEY DONN: Interactive. So cute.

[00:08:17] TREY GERRALD: under the frequently asked questions on their website, they do denote, I thought this was interesting, it takes six men Most of three months to put up the entire display of the four million lights.

What do you do when one of them burns out? How do you figure

[00:08:32] CHELSEY DONN: I mean, I just always think of that scene from Christmas Vacation where he like does the whole thing and it's crazy and then everyone comes out for the reveal and he puts it together and there's like nothing happens. I mean, that's got to be a fear when you're built, when you have this many things.

[00:08:47] TREY GERRALD: For real. with all of that background info, let's go ahead and jump on in as we

[00:08:56] VOICEOVER: Review That Review.

[00:08:59] CHELSEY DONN: All right, let's jump into it, shall we? As we mentioned, I have the One Dot Review from TripAdvisor for CliftonMill. My review is written by Galileo.

[00:09:11] TREY GERRALD: do!

[00:09:11] CHELSEY DONN: I love a Galileo. You don't really see a Galileo often. The subject of this review is written in all caps and that's important, okay? DO NOT TRY VISITING CLIFTON MILL WEEKEND EVENINGS AROUND CHRISTMAS!

[00:09:28] TREY GERRALD: Oh boy. Oh, oh no.

[00:09:44] CHELSEY DONN: to get into the town stretched down the road, perhaps a half mile on some highways. That could be 45 minutes of near standstill traffic just to get a parking space.

The line of humanity to pay the 10 admission to get into the Mill Grounds was perhaps 200 people when I looked with one person working the pay booth. That could be at least another half hour wait.

[00:10:14] TREY GERRALD: got like

[00:10:15] CHELSEY DONN: So if you're a person trying to pull into the town of Clifton at 730 in the evening before you're able to pay your 10 per person and get onto the grounds, the pay booth might be closed for the evening, given that it closes at nine o'clock, the lights go off at 930, but that may be a blessing in disguise.

After all, those hundreds of people are going to be crowded onto a property That has about half the standing area of a football field. It's like putting 50 people in your living room. Then keep in mind that some of the displays such as the Santa House require standing in yet ANOTHER single file line.

Who KNOW how long that could take. As an experienced visitor to the CliftonMill Christmas Light Display, If what I've already described is not a big enough deterrent, spare yourself at least some of the gridlock and park on a street on the edge of the small village and walk the half mile to the mill.

For the record, I do not know what the experience is like on a weekday. I do know that it can't be worse than what I expected. I first went to see the Clifton Mill Lights I first went to see the Clifton Mill lights 30 years ago. There was no musical light show at the bridge and there were fewer lights overall, but there was a tiny fraction of the crowd and the accompanying hassle and get this, they didn't charge a thing.

Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo,

[00:12:10] TREY GERRALD: Kahlil! Kahlil! Kahlil!

[00:12:16] CHELSEY DONN: Galileo. Yep.

[00:12:17] TREY GERRALD: You know, I'm really, well okay, it's interesting to me because I know that I'm about to be very redundant here because this

[00:12:23] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah,

[00:12:24] TREY GERRALD: similar to the Haunted Hayride, which felt very similar to, maybe it was Rockettes or something else we talked about, where it's just like these crowds

[00:12:34] CHELSEY DONN: the lions. Yeah.

[00:12:35] TREY GERRALD: it's like, you have to like account for that,

[00:12:39] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah. Yeah.

[00:12:40] TREY GERRALD: all caps subject, and what comes across as being a very hostile review,

[00:12:46] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah. Yeah,

[00:12:50] TREY GERRALD: tea in here, which I think may get lost, and maybe won't be

[00:12:54] CHELSEY DONN: yeah,

[00:12:55] TREY GERRALD: but they point out, just park a half mile away on the other side of the village.

[00:13:00] CHELSEY DONN: yeah, for sure.

[00:13:02] TREY GERRALD: that that's legal, and like, it's kosher to do so, but like,

[00:13:05] CHELSEY DONN: It's just that most people wouldn't want to walk the half mile, but they're saying like, it's worth it.

[00:13:09] TREY GERRALD: Right. You know, Galileo also points out that the like line to get in is like on several roads and highways.

[00:13:17] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, I think I, what I imagine they meant by that is like when you're driving into the Hollywood Bowl, you're like in line to go to the, into the Hollywood Bowl when you're still on the highway in your car driving. Cause it's so backed up. I could be wrong, but like, that was what I was thinking. Like, okay, so now I'm like waiting in this like traffic line with my car just to get through and then park and then get on another line to get on another line to get on another line.

And I got there, you know, two hours before the show was supposed to start thinking that would be enough time. And now I'm biting my nails. Am I going to get, and also obviously the one, the one person at the ticket booth.

[00:13:58] TREY GERRALD: Yeah, there's a lot here.

[00:14:00] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah.

[00:14:01] TREY GERRALD: in a long line of cars, like, that's stretching, like, off of an exit on a highway,

[00:14:07] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah.

[00:14:07] TREY GERRALD: me so stressed out that I'm

[00:14:09] CHELSEY DONN: I know.

[00:14:10] TREY GERRALD: ended and die.

[00:14:11] CHELSEY DONN: I know it's scary. Cause then you're like also like there's cars whizzing by you, presumably in the other lanes, somebody's going to be honking for sure. Cause they're not going to realize that far back that you're like in an exit lane line,

[00:14:26] TREY GERRALD: But you know, this just made me think of a distinction here, Cause I was just thinking like, how do you speed up the flow? But I think that there's something unique here about CliftonMill, The Legendary Lights, It's a walking around event, it's not drive thru, Cause in my personal preference, I love

[00:14:47] CHELSEY DONN: driving. Yeah, same. Yeah. Same.

[00:14:51] TREY GERRALD: can keep the heat on,

[00:14:52] CHELSEY DONN: Is that really like a COVID thing or was it always like, were they're always driving through like proper shows? Not like I'm just driving through a neighborhood.

[00:15:01] TREY GERRALD: well, in South Carolina, at least, when I was growing up, there were many drive thru events. There was even, this is really spectacular, and we never went. We went once, and then we never went again because my parents didn't want to wait in the line, but

[00:15:15] CHELSEY DONN: there you go.

[00:15:16] TREY GERRALD: when I was a tiny child, the Methodist Church, they did, they, their entire parking lot became a drive thru telling.

of Christ, and it was

[00:15:28] CHELSEY DONN: Oh my god, stop.

[00:15:30] TREY GERRALD: of the congregation would dress up and like, they turn the parking lot into Bethlehem basically. And so you would drive through, I know, and

[00:15:38] CHELSEY DONN: And get like a, like a, like a sermon,

[00:15:42] TREY GERRALD: Well, no, it was like

[00:15:42] CHELSEY DONN: kind of?

[00:15:43] TREY GERRALD: story. So it's like, you

[00:15:44] CHELSEY DONN: Okay, okay, okay.

[00:15:46] TREY GERRALD: you gotta, or there's no room in the end.

You gotta go to the manger.

[00:15:49] CHELSEY DONN: Right, right,

[00:15:50] TREY GERRALD: and my,

[00:15:51] CHELSEY DONN: right, right. Yes, yes.

[00:15:53] TREY GERRALD: or something.

[00:15:54] CHELSEY DONN: Yes, the angel Gabriel.

[00:15:55] TREY GERRALD: of little, you would drive through all the tableaus or whatever. But we

[00:15:59] CHELSEY DONN: Wow.

[00:16:00] TREY GERRALD: cause it took so long, and then, anyway,

[00:16:02] CHELSEY DONN: Did you, were you eager to go again? Were you like, yeah, I want to go back and see the, like, tabernacle

[00:16:08] TREY GERRALD: And of

[00:16:08] CHELSEY DONN: or whatever that could, I don't know.

[00:16:09] TREY GERRALD: it!

Like, I wanted to play a sheep,

[00:16:11] CHELSEY DONN: you wanted to be one of the actors? I get that. I see that for you. I see that for you. Yes. So back to, yeah,

[00:16:19] TREY GERRALD: my point here is like, growing up, maybe it's because it was the South, like, we didn't want to be cold, so I feel like there were

[00:16:26] CHELSEY DONN: sure,

[00:16:27] TREY GERRALD: I want to say boo at the zoo, but that's the wrong holiday, but it's like, there were light festivals at our

[00:16:33] CHELSEY DONN: sure.

[00:16:34] TREY GERRALD: drive through as well, so, and even in the countryside, there would be like, farmyards that you would drive through, which now I'm realizing is really smart, because then you're not milling about at cliff to mill.

[00:16:48] CHELSEY DONN: No milling at CliftonMill. Lots of milling at CliftonMill, apparently. I mean, personally, I just think that Galileo gave us all the information that we really needed to know about Galileo from a psychological perspective in that final paragraph, right?

[00:17:06] TREY GERRALD: Yeah, I agree with you.

[00:17:18] CHELSEY DONN: even though it's giving this like information of sort of pseudo expert and then we got to the crux of the issue which is that it's not what it used to be right?

Isn't that always the thing? Even from things like when I was a kid it's like if you did something All the time as a kid, it was a certain thing and it was special to you and it was free and it wasn't like so crazy and so overblown like it is right now and it was this quaint thing that you got to do in your little town, you know, and then all of a sudden, you know, BuzzFeed comes around and TripAdvisor and it's on, it's on a list.

It's on a list of things to do. And your special thing that was just yours when you were a kid is ruined by this popularity. It's like when you have a favorite restaurant that you find, it's like a secret restaurant and you don't even want to tell people because you want to make sure that you're able to get in, right?

So I think that Galileo was a real gatekeeper for CliftonMill and then when they went back as an adult 30 years later, even their photo is of them as a child. Galileo's photo. So they obviously have some real nostalgia thing for childhood and what the real issue is is Not CliftonMill, and there's not this light show, which really we didn't spend any real estate talking about.

We just spent all this real estate in What I think is a little bit of like an emotional Tantrum, hate to say.

[00:18:54] TREY GERRALD: I see that, because one could also conceivably say, amazing how much this has grown, I remember going 30 years ago,

[00:19:03] CHELSEY DONN: Right,

[00:19:04] TREY GERRALD: Also, it's interesting to me because I recognize no one wants to wait in lines. Like,

[00:19:09] CHELSEY DONN: right,

[00:19:10] TREY GERRALD: it's terrible. like, it's so easy to be redundant and talk about, like, you're going on December 20th.

Like, that must be literally the busiest time.

[00:19:20] CHELSEY DONN: Yes.

[00:19:21] TREY GERRALD: It does occur to me that in the times that I have been with my family and the days leading up to Christmas, it is sort of like, Okay, we are doing this Lifetime Movie Marathon, like, we're sitting around,

[00:19:33] CHELSEY DONN: Right.

[00:19:34] TREY GERRALD: drive around and look at lights, or like, it is sort of

[00:19:36] CHELSEY DONN: Everybody's looking for that activity.

[00:19:39] TREY GERRALD: what I'm thinking, and like, so I don't really know how you're going to get around that, and it is interesting that Galileo points out, I do not know what it's like on a weekday.

[00:19:49] CHELSEY DONN: Right.

[00:19:50] TREY GERRALD: Calm down. Like, okay, calm down.

[00:19:52] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah.

[00:19:52] TREY GERRALD: do believe that even on the website, under the Frequently Asked Questions, there is a tab that's like, when is the best time to come?

[00:19:59] CHELSEY DONN: Right.

[00:20:00] TREY GERRALD: weekdays. So, Galileo didn't do it, and, and they had a really poor experience.

[00:20:06] CHELSEY DONN: Right.

[00:20:07] TREY GERRALD: is useful for me because it's just someone reiterating my gut instinct But I do hear that like if I were just with my family, it's a couple of days before Christmas Like what are we gonna do?

Maybe bring Cards Against Humanity and like play it while you're on the

[00:20:22] CHELSEY DONN: Yes.

[00:20:23] TREY GERRALD: or something, you know, like

[00:20:25] CHELSEY DONN: think like that's always going to be the case. And I do think that like you were sort of hinting at in the beginning when you first started to break down the review, there's a surprising amount of value in here considering it's like a complainy review. You know what I mean? Yes, like, maybe now we're not going to be as mad about the line, but we're also now prepared for the line.

We also know that the traffic is going to start on the highway, so maybe we do want to get off and exit sooner and walk a half mile.

[00:20:53] TREY GERRALD: And, Galileo also mentions that the line is not just for entry. The line is then to go into Santa's Workshop, which I also know

[00:21:01] CHELSEY DONN: Right.

[00:21:02] TREY GERRALD: There's also all these other activities, like, the line doesn't end at entry point. The line is. All of the fun activities inside too, because

[00:21:11] CHELSEY DONN: And I can, I can,

[00:21:12] TREY GERRALD: and then it

[00:21:13] CHELSEY DONN: At 930 and I could see other reasonable people being like 730 like getting there at 730 two hours before The main event that feels responsible to me I got there like a responsible adult at a reasonable time and I still had to deal with this and I think that that's new Valuable information.

[00:21:33] TREY GERRALD: I do have a question, cause, and you brought it up earlier, so there was only one ticket person,

[00:21:38] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah,

[00:21:38] TREY GERRALD: that sounds like a glaring, obvious problem, but I'm also wondering, does that sort of help keep the capacity going, like, if you just let everyone in all at once, then like, it's gonna

[00:21:50] CHELSEY DONN: right,

[00:21:51] TREY GERRALD: overpopulated, but how do you even control that, like, cause even when we look at the Haunted Hay Ride, for example, that is like a 16 minute experience that you go through and then you're done.

This is

[00:22:02] CHELSEY DONN: right wander around

[00:22:05] TREY GERRALD: and they're, they make the analogy of like half of a football field or like a football field, which is like imagining 50 people in your living room. Like,

[00:22:14] CHELSEY DONN: Right.

[00:22:15] TREY GERRALD: people leaving so more people can come in? I wonder if that's part of the line situation.

[00:22:20] CHELSEY DONN: That's a really good point. I wouldn't have thought about that, but now that you mention it, I do think they use lines for crowd control purposes. I think that's a good point. The only thing I'll say about the crowd control not really probably being a thing is even though it's not like the Haunted Hayride where there's an activity, there is that 9 30.

[00:22:42] TREY GERRALD: Cut off.

[00:22:43] CHELSEY DONN: Oh, the lights go off at 9 30. Oh,

[00:22:47] TREY GERRALD: the evening, because

[00:22:48] CHELSEY DONN: end of the evening.

[00:22:49] TREY GERRALD: light show is every 15, some reviews said 15 minutes, some reviews said every half hour,

[00:22:56] CHELSEY DONN: Right, right, right.

[00:22:57] TREY GERRALD: because I actually was looking at the operating hours, and it's like 6 to 9, and I was like, God, what a dream. That's like no work hours.

[00:23:04] CHELSEY DONN: right.

[00:23:04] TREY GERRALD: do you think about, what do you think about 10?

[00:23:07] CHELSEY DONN: I don't think that's bad. Like, I think 10 feels reas like, what are you gonna charge? 5? I mean, I don't feel like 10 is bad.

[00:23:15] TREY GERRALD: And one last thing, this whole, like, what, what would you even say, this hypothesis that you could be waiting in line, and then by the time you get to the counter, it's closed,

[00:23:23] CHELSEY DONN: It's that's awful.

[00:23:25] TREY GERRALD: real. They're not gonna let people be waiting in line at 9 o'clock if it closes at 9

[00:23:29] CHELSEY DONN: I imagine it's real.

[00:23:32] TREY GERRALD: Well, don't you think that once they close, like, everyone starts leaving the line? It's not like you're gonna get up there and be like,

[00:23:37] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, but I think the idea is like, have you ever been in a line before that's so long that there's like a line monitor and they'll like come up to you and be like, sorry guys, like you're actually not going to make it inside. So just like, don't even bother waiting because

[00:23:52] TREY GERRALD: point, as I feel like they probably that

[00:23:55] CHELSEY DONN: I don't,

[00:23:55] TREY GERRALD: in place.

[00:23:56] CHELSEY DONN: I don't know that they do.


[00:23:59] TREY GERRALD: this review, by the way? Oh.

[00:24:03] CHELSEY DONN: December 19.

[00:24:04] TREY GERRALD: I mean, alright, what's the spelling grammar like? There were some

[00:24:06] CHELSEY DONN: It's good. There was that one issue. There was like one, like a singular that should have been plural situation.

[00:24:14] TREY GERRALD: shady? I think the childhood baggage, maybe, is a little

[00:24:18] CHELSEY DONN: Baggage. I definitely think there's baggage. Baggage that's outside of your average person experiencing this. Which brings us to common. I think waiting in line for a long time is probably common. I think being this upset about it that I need to go and rate it one star is probably less common. Right?

[00:24:39] TREY GERRALD: Right. I think so too, especially given that this was on December 20th.

[00:24:43] CHELSEY DONN: Right. Exactly. Which there is some sort of self awareness around that, which is weird because you think that that would have been enough to bump it to like a two dot. That I'm going during gridlock.

[00:24:54] TREY GERRALD: And, okay, the lights run from November 24th to December 25th.

[00:25:02] CHELSEY DONN: So this is like the very tail end.

[00:25:05] TREY GERRALD: this is like, you have a month, and it

[00:25:07] CHELSEY DONN: Right.

[00:25:07] TREY GERRALD: gates open at 5pm, and then it is only open from 6pm 9pm.

[00:25:15] CHELSEY DONN: But I don't know that there's a line monitor. I, I, I would imagine that like, there are people that are in line that are going to be disappointed.

[00:25:22] TREY GERRALD: I think that's probably accurate.

[00:25:24] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah. And do we think that it's humorous? Were we entertained?

[00:25:29] TREY GERRALD: I feel like I was more informed,

[00:25:31] CHELSEY DONN: Okay.

[00:25:32] TREY GERRALD: surprising to me, than I was entertained.

[00:25:34] CHELSEY DONN: I agree.

[00:25:35] TREY GERRALD: Like, I actually find it to be pretty useful for a one star. I don't know that I was really chuckling. I don't know, were you entertained?

[00:25:42] CHELSEY DONN: I was entertained by the level of passion and really that last paragraph at the end that just took me behind the curtain. Um, of who this person is, anything that gives a review a little bit of humanity, I will loop that into the entertainment value. So I do think that there was humanity there for me.

And then ultimately the impact, are you going to not go? Are you going to go? Are you going to go now more armed with information?

[00:26:13] TREY GERRALD: Definitely more information and I do think it is queenly that they're pointing out this whole idea of like, then you have all these lines on once you're past the gate,

[00:26:21] CHELSEY DONN: Right.

[00:26:22] TREY GERRALD: really considered. There is an impact for me.

[00:26:25] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah. Okay. Should we go into? Oh, I'm impacted. I think if I read this review, I would probably be like, guys, we're going to get there at five. So that's impactful. All right. Should we go into the crowning?

[00:26:37] TREY GERRALD: Yeah, let's do it. So Chelsey and I each have our own set of zero to five crown cards. In an effort to be fair and not influenced by one another, we will simultaneously reveal our rating.

[00:26:47] VOICEOVER: The Queens are tabulating. Time for school.

[00:26:56] CHELSEY DONN: All right. So I'm holding up three and a half crowns. Trey is holding up four crowns. Trey, you go first. Why four crowns for Galileo?

[00:27:04] TREY GERRALD: I almost said three and a half. I just decided to edge it up to four because in the complaininess and the childhood baggage of nostalgia, I really got Galileo was disappointed and, and wasn't anticipating this reaction going in, which actually makes it even more useful because maybe you need to be a little more prepared

[00:27:27] CHELSEY DONN: Mm

[00:27:27] TREY GERRALD: A little more cautious of the timeline, that this is a limited time event and there is a limited window in which you can attend, so try to be strategic, you just have to, whether that means still go on December 20th, but make sure you get there at 445 and wait for an hour up top with some candy and be first in line,

[00:27:49] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah.

[00:27:49] TREY GERRALD: allow for the buffer so that you can get in and get out, because you're not the only one that wants to do it.


[00:27:55] CHELSEY DONN: Right.

[00:27:55] TREY GERRALD: I found Galileo to be pretty impactful, even though I sort of don't know that I really care for Galileo, I think it will stick with me if I'm going, you know? So that's why I said four. Why'd you say three and a half?

[00:28:10] CHELSEY DONN: I said three and a half because I wanted, I want to leave a little bit more room for what is the experience like, what is great about it, we didn't do the compliment sandwich, which you know, I love in a One Dot Review, when you tell me what's good, I'm more likely to believe your point of view when you tell me what's bad, and I just think that Galileo was a little bit locked in their own emotions, understandably so, I get nostalgia, I love nostalgia, But I do think it clouded Galileo's ability to give me a little drop the tea on what is this light show, what makes it so great.

And that was why I went with three and a half crowns, but I did think it was an informative review, especially for a one star, or one dot in this case. Yeah, but that was fun. Galileo! Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo! It's game time!

[00:29:06] TREY GERRALD: wee oh

[00:29:09] CHELSEY DONN: ready because I created a custom game just for you and our listeners. It's called Stuff It or Shut It. Is it something that you stuff in a stocking or should Chelsey just shut it because she just completely made it up. Okay, so it's Stuff It or Shut It. Shut it, Chelsey. That's not real or stuff it.

That's a real thing that I could put. And a stocking stuffer. So there is a website called off the wagon, offthewagonshop. com. And they have weird, funny, fun, gag gifts for Christmas and the holidays. And a whole bunch of stocking stuffers. So I have things that are from that website that I think were interesting.

Um, and also things that I've made up. So Trey, you're going to tell, and listeners, you are going to tell me if it's a stuff it or if it's a shut it. Are you ready?

[00:30:07] TREY GERRALD: Oh, God. Yeah, I think I'm definitely ready.

[00:30:09] CHELSEY DONN: Okay, here we are. So our first product is a chill out fishbowl eye mask.

[00:30:22] TREY GERRALD: Wait, what?

[00:30:24] CHELSEY DONN: A chill out fishbowl eye mask.

[00:30:28] TREY GERRALD: What does that mean? An eye mask that has

[00:30:31] CHELSEY DONN: it as you will.

[00:30:32] TREY GERRALD: in it? I'm gonna say that is a stuff it.

[00:30:36] CHELSEY DONN: That is a stuff it! It's 10. 99. You're right. It is like, you know, those eye masks that you put on when you have a headache or something like that. So it's that. And then there's literally a fish tank. Like it's like inside of it. But I imagine no real fish were harmed in the creation of this product and they're just baked fish, but on the cover, it looks very real.

[00:30:58] TREY GERRALD: Ew,

[00:30:58] CHELSEY DONN: Yes. 10. 99.

[00:31:02] TREY GERRALD: mats for little kids that they lay on

[00:31:04] CHELSEY DONN: Yes, exactly. But an eye mask. Yes. Yes. Good guess, Trey. Okay. Next product is. Fart Monica, The Farting Harmonica.

[00:31:22] TREY GERRALD: I could see this being a gag gift, but could you realistically pass a long enough gas to blow? I'm gonna say, that's a stuff it.

[00:31:33] CHELSEY DONN: That's a shot at it. I made it up. I made it up. Okay, but there is a fart whistle. There's no farting harmonica. So you'll notice in some of these, I did, I'm trying to trick you. I'm sort of adapting, but I thought the Fart Monica, The Farting Harmonica was a pretty good invention on my part. So, all right, that's a one in one for you.

Moving on. Third product, Trey. Bed bug, bug fetty,

[00:32:09] TREY GERRALD: Bedbug

[00:32:09] CHELSEY DONN: yeah,

[00:32:10] TREY GERRALD: I'm gonna say that's a shut it.

[00:32:12] CHELSEY DONN: that's a stuff it! Can you believe that? First of all, you're immediately no longer my friend, if you use the bed bug, bug fetty on me.

[00:32:24] TREY GERRALD: What does that mean?

[00:32:25] CHELSEY DONN: It's like confetti, but they're bed bugs, they look exactly like bed bugs, so if I threw them, God forbid, like in your bed, and then you went to your bed at night, and you looked at it, you would 1000 percent think that you had bed bugs.

[00:32:41] TREY GERRALD: Oh my god, that is diabolical.

[00:32:44] CHELSEY DONN: like worse than coal.

[00:32:46] TREY GERRALD: is

[00:32:46] CHELSEY DONN: That's bad. That's not funny. All right, moving on. Emergency goat.

[00:32:56] TREY GERRALD: This is like the brand emergency.

[00:32:59] CHELSEY DONN: It's just, it's called emergency goat. It makes emergency goat sounds.

[00:33:05] TREY GERRALD: I'm going to say I think this might not be a goat. I think it's an emergency something else and you're trying to get me. So I'm going to say this is a shut it.

[00:33:15] CHELSEY DONN: This is a stuff it. Sorry, Trey. It is basically like, you know how we have the code for birdie? It's like that, except it makes goat sounds. It's a goat scream.

[00:33:29] TREY GERRALD: Oh my God.

[00:33:31] CHELSEY DONN: I don't know. Anyway, it's a little bit strange. It exists. It's 10. 99.

[00:33:35] TREY GERRALD: Oh my

[00:33:36] CHELSEY DONN: Okay, moving on. Meryl Streep, churro treats.

[00:33:46] TREY GERRALD: Now, why would Meryl Streep endorse churros? She's about as white as white can be, But are they Meryl Streep in shape? And look, Meryl Streep churro.

[00:33:58] CHELSEY DONN: Treats.

[00:33:59] TREY GERRALD: I'm gonna say this is a shut it.

[00:34:02] CHELSEY DONN: It is a shut it. However, there is a Meryl Streep churro keychain. And it's hilarious because Meryl wore this, like, gold dress to the Golden Globes one year, and I guess she kind of looked like a churro, so they have a photo of her next to a bunch of churros and it's a keychain, so that was hilarious. Oh, oh,

[00:34:31] TREY GERRALD: from that same company where she's like hugging what are those um what are the um sparkling waters that became so popular

[00:34:40] CHELSEY DONN: um, like a La Croix or something like that, or? Okay,

[00:34:44] TREY GERRALD: she's hugging the can.

[00:34:46] CHELSEY DONN: that's so funny. Yeah, so, moving on. Panderpants. Underwear for your hand.

[00:34:59] TREY GERRALD: I'm noticing you're very punny when you make fake products, hand or pants? I'm wondering what the need for that would be on your hand, because your hand doesn't produce poop or pee, unless it's under pants when you're wiping, I'm going to say this

[00:35:22] CHELSEY DONN: This is a stuff it. This is a real product that you could buy for 12. 99. It's very strange. It looks like fingerless gloves, but it looks like underwear. Like the top of it has

[00:35:38] TREY GERRALD: Oooo! Interesting. Similar

[00:35:48] CHELSEY DONN: Trey,

[00:35:49] TREY GERRALD: on all these

[00:35:50] CHELSEY DONN: you're not doing great. I do have a bonus round so that like we can call it a tie if we need to, but let's keep going, shall we? All right, this is number eight. There are ten and one bonus. Instantly talk with your cat, fruit, gum,

[00:36:09] TREY GERRALD: What? How does gum make you talk to your cat that's flavored like a fruit? I'm gonna just, I'm just, I've been guessing a lot of, um, shut it, so I'm just gonna call this a stuff it.

[00:36:20] CHELSEY DONN: That's right. This is a real product you could buy and it's only 1. 99. Apparently makes you talk to her. It's just gum. And on the front of it, it says instantly talk with your cat, fruit gum, share intimate dreams and fears, stock tips and recipes. And then it has like a photo of a cat.

[00:36:40] TREY GERRALD: Okay.

[00:36:41] CHELSEY DONN: Okay, moving on. A camel in underpants, air freshener, Um,

[00:36:53] TREY GERRALD: I could see a camel wearing some briefs, or maybe a bra and panty set, but is this connected to the hander pants? I'm gonna say this is a Stuff It.

[00:37:05] CHELSEY DONN: um, sorry, I tricked you again. This, this is a shut it. So the real product is squirrel in underpants, air freshener, there's no camel, but there is a pretty cute squirrel. All right, moving on, sour cream and onion, crickets, It's

[00:37:33] TREY GERRALD: This is probably real, I'm gonna say Stuff It.

[00:37:36] CHELSEY DONN: real stuff in it. Oh, how gross is that? Um, they also have like literally every variety of chip you can imagine they have in Cricket. They have like the cheddar one, you know. Uh, I don't know if they have jalapeno, but they had a lot of flavor, like barbecue, like, ew, disgusting.

[00:37:56] TREY GERRALD: Gross.

[00:37:56] CHELSEY DONN: gross. Okay, that was good, Trey.

You got that right. Moving on. Fish scented soap.

[00:38:07] TREY GERRALD: could see this being a thing. I'm gonna say, Stuff It.

[00:38:13] CHELSEY DONN: Sorry, Trey. It is a shut it. Okay. So what the product actually is, is an odor removing fish soap. It's kind of fascinating. It's like this metal, it's just like a metal, it looks like a metal fish. And I guess like when you wash your hands with this metal fish, it takes any kind of like bad scent, including like onions or.

Fish off of your hands, which I actually think that's a great gift.

[00:38:42] TREY GERRALD: yeah,

[00:38:43] CHELSEY DONN: All right. Are you ready for your bonus round?

[00:38:45] TREY GERRALD: yes,

[00:38:47] CHELSEY DONN: Owl Puke Pellets. It

[00:38:56] TREY GERRALD: I'm wondering if, cause owl puke, owls regurgitate for their, no that's birds, well they're birds, so I wonder if owl puke helps attract owls or something, I'm gonna say this is a stuffet.

[00:39:09] CHELSEY DONN: is a Suffit! Trey, all right, you managed to tie it up with that bonus round. This is a real thing, you guys. Owl puke pellets. See what this owl ate for dinner. Can you imagine if somebody put that in your stocking?

[00:39:26] TREY GERRALD: I would be very confused.

[00:39:28] CHELSEY DONN: I mean, all of these products are very interesting. Which one of these products would you actually want, if any?

[00:39:35] TREY GERRALD: Probably the Meryl Streep

[00:39:37] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah.

[00:39:38] TREY GERRALD: or the fish,

[00:39:40] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah.

[00:39:41] TREY GERRALD: also the squirrel, underpant, air freshener is funny.

[00:39:46] CHELSEY DONN: Okay. Good to know. Okay. I'm going to keep, I, I kind of am interested in this eye mask.

[00:39:51] TREY GERRALD: The eye mask,

[00:39:52] CHELSEY DONN: Right? Well, that was so fun. Listeners, if you were playing along, thank you. Thank you. If you were playing along, did you beat Trey? Let us know. 1 850 REVIEW ZERO. Or you can shut it. And not call, but preferably stuff that mailbox.

[00:40:11] VOICEOVER: Review That Review!

[00:40:14] CHELSEY DONN: All right. We're back from that rousing game break. Trey, you did a great job in the end. I really did try to trick you quite a bit there, and I feel like you kind of, you caught your stride towards the end of the game. Yeah, that's right. And now because I won and you lost, we are going to get to hear the flip side of this story on this week's Patreon episode.

So Trey, what's, what have you got for us?

[00:40:38] TREY GERRALD: Alright, so today I'm very excited to be sharing a dot or five bubble.

[00:40:45] CHELSEY DONN: Oh, yeah, that's right.

[00:40:46] TREY GERRALD: Review for the legendary Lights of Clifton Mill on TripAdvisor. And I'm excited because, I mean, I was only looking at five stars. So this episode felt sad for me because I felt like it seemed like it was so magical. So I am excited to share all the magic stuff,

[00:41:02] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah.

[00:41:03] TREY GERRALD: the after show.

And you know, every story has two sides, so maybe the five star that I'm share, gonna share is wrong. Who knows? You gotta join our Patreon to find out.

[00:41:11] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah.

[00:41:11] TREY GERRALD: I implore you to do slash. patreon.

[00:41:18] CHELSEY DONN: as well as a brand new round on what? The Meryl Go Round with churros, that's right. Go to reviewthatreview. com slash patreon to sign up now. That's

[00:41:28] TREY GERRALD: you catch that? Because it's available only to our members who have gone to reviewthatreview. com slash patreon.

[00:41:34] CHELSEY DONN: right.

[00:41:36] TREY GERRALD: Well, we did it, Queen! What a legendary episode on the R U A R Q Ferris wheel of Don't Get Hit by the Cars on the Highway, One Ticket Person, Crowd Control. Is there a line monitor? gonna wait in line for Santa's workshop.

[00:41:54] CHELSEY DONN: That's right. Thank you for joining us today during this holiday season. What a pleasure to get to celebrate with you guys. If you like what you heard, please tell a friend

[00:42:05] TREY GERRALD: If you did not like what you heard, please tell an enemy. And don't forget, we will be rating and reviewing the opposite end of the spectrum for The Legendary Lights of Clifton Mill on our Patreon,

[00:42:18] CHELSEY DONN: at http: TheBusinessProfessor. com

[00:42:20] TREY GERRALD: ReviewThatReview. com slash,

[00:42:22] CHELSEY DONN: Patreon.

[00:42:23] TREY GERRALD: but I really am so curious, Chelsey, wonder why Dish was shut? Ugh,

[00:42:32] CHELSEY DONN: to celebrate. Also, sometimes I have donuts. All the fried food is like where it's at. That's how I like to celebrate.

[00:42:39] TREY GERRALD: god, nothing is as good as a fucking potato pancake. I don't understand.

[00:42:45] CHELSEY DONN: So good.

[00:42:46] TREY GERRALD: so fucking

[00:42:47] CHELSEY DONN: So delicious. Ah, boy, I wonder.

[00:42:51] TREY GERRALD: just so wondering over here. Wonder, wonder. in my wonder, I will always remember!

[00:42:58] CHELSEY DONN: Ignore the haters. You're a queen.

[00:43:01] TREY GERRALD: Gender non specific twinkling

[00:43:05] CHELSEY DONN: Woo, shine bright,

[00:43:07] TREY GERRALD: Shine bright like a fascinating, I keep wanting to say fabulous, but it's legendary, Shine bright like a legendary 4 million light,

[00:43:19] CHELSEY DONN: shine bright, like they're gonna wait in line for your show, The box office is closed, try again tomorrow, Oh, oh,

[00:43:32] VOICEOVER: Sign up directly on Apple Podcast to hear our weekly members only after show. Unlock additional benefits when you become a Patreon slash patreon. Follow us on all the socials at the review queens and join our mailing Our kvetch line is open 24 7 at 1 8 5 0 review zero.

You never visit, you never write. Give us a koal. No.

[00:43:57] CHELSEY DONN: wow, that was fun.

[00:43:59] TREY GERRALD: You were just pointing

[00:44:00] CHELSEY DONN: Oh, my shirt says, tag after on strike, which hopefully by the time this episode airs, will not be the case and we'll have a good deal, tact. Alright, love you, see you Friday. Join us for the flip side at

[00:44:15] TREY GERRALD: ReviewThatReview. com slash.

[00:44:17] CHELSEY DONN: Patreon. See you soon. Bye.

[00:44:19] TREY GERRALD: Bye.

Review That Review is an independent podcast. Certain names have been redacted or changed to protect the guilty. Executive produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound designed by me with voiceover talents by Eva Kaminsky. Our cover art was designed by LogoVora and our theme song was written by Joe Kinosian and sung by Natalie Weiss.



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