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TRANSCRIPT of Episode 10: "Lash Lab / Splash at the Boathouse"

Updated: Sep 17, 2021



Transcript of Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald Episode 10 "Lash Lab / Splash at the Boathouse" for the differently abled and those who prefer to read.


Review That Review with Chelsey Donn and Trey Gerrald

Episode 10

THEME SONG: [00:00:00] Everybody's got an opinion.

Every Californian and Virginian.

It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.

Someone's gotta settle the score.

Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!

Whose views win, which ones lose.

Online haters are comin' for you!

Baby, it's time to Review That Review!

CHELSEY: [00:00:00] Hello!

TREY: [00:00:31] Hi there. Welcome to Review That Review. This is episode 10 of the podcast dedicated to reviewing...

CHELSEY: [00:00:39] Unbelievable. ...reviews! We're just like Siskel and Ebert only instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we rate and review those hilarious, scathing, and sometimes suspicious online reviews!

TREY: [00:00:52] That's Chelsey Donn.

CHELSEY: [00:00:53] And that's Trey Gerrald.

TREY: [00:00:55] Or in the words of friend of the pod HammondCheeseSandWitch, that's Tracy and I'm Che, but regardless of what you call us individually, none of it really matters because together we are

VOICEOVER: [00:01:08] The Review Queens.

TREY: [00:01:13] How's that crown today, Tracy.

CHELSEY: [00:01:15] Well, Che. My, my crown is great today. yeah, I'm holding my crown high. How's your crown today?

TREY: [00:01:22] My crown is good. You know, I had a really spectacular weekend away. My husband and I were celebrating. This is funny to me because I remember when we first started dating, I was a waiter and we would go away and celebrate months because it was like a huge step for us to like, have, quote, unquote titles. We were like consciously being together one day at a time. So we would celebrate monthly anniversaries, but I would need coverage every now and then. And the other waiters would be like, oh, it's the anniversary! Thinking it was like years or something, not actual months. So then like everyone made fun of me after a while because they're like, wasn't your anniversary last ...anyway. So we went away to Ogunquit, Maine, which is where we met 11 years ago. It was amazing. We stayed at this gorgeous AirBnB. We waited a little too long... it's like a small little place. So a lot of the stuff was taken. And so we stumbled upon, we were the first people to stay in this gorgeous Airbnb in Wells, Maine, which is the town just above Ogunquit. And I just want to give it a shout out because we were the first to stay there. It's the quiet three bedroom beach cabin getaway. And the host is Samantha it's in Wells, Maine. It was just the two of us and our two dogs, but this was the only option. And last minute. It was so perfect. Like it was this three bedroom, but it was a really small cabin. So it didn't feel like we were in this mansion and they were just awesome hosts and really accommodated us. And they knew we were bringing our dogs. So they put out a little dog bowl, which was so cute. Um, it was really great. I actually missed you. Okay. A lot. I was telling David, this is like the first time I've wanted to return from a vacation because I'm having so much fun during this podcast and collaborating with you. So I'm so happy to be here. How are you, Chelsey? How was your week?

CHELSEY: [00:03:13] Oh, my God. First of all, I missed you a lot too. I was like trying not to be a codependent and allow you to have your anniversary weekend. So I just want you to know it was a lot of effort, but I did a few also. Yeah, I've had a good week. I just got a brand new puppy, which is very exciting and very exhausting in all the ways. So I don't sleep anymore. So we're just going to have to let that go, but she's worth it cause she's really cute.

TREY: [00:03:43] And what is your puppy's name?

CHELSEY: [00:03:45] My puppy's name is Goldie and maybe we'll...

TREY: [00:03:49] We're cheering for Goldie!

CHELSEY: [00:03:50] Aw, We're cheering for Goldie. She's named after Goldie Hawn, but she's Goldie Donn.

TREY: [00:03:55] David asked me how you came up with the name Goldie. And I was like, I haven't asked actually.

CHELSEY: [00:03:59] Yeah, I love, I'm like the biggest Goldie Hawn fan ever, always like, love her so much. In fact, my friends came over to meet Goldie and we had to decide which Goldie Hawn movie, we were going to watch.

TREY: [00:04:14] What'd you pick?

CHELSEY: [00:04:15] Just in Goldie's honor! We picked, House Sitter it's it's Goldie Hawn and Steve Martin. And it's, it's not as, I guess, like it's not as mainstream, but it's just so fun and I just love it so much. And she's just amazing in everything that she does so she could do no, no wrong in my book. And Steve Martin, it's like Steve Martin at his best, like second to Father of the Bride for me. It was fun. We enjoyed it. We had a great time. I think Goldie liked it. She didn't, she didn't complain. So...

TREY: [00:04:49] Overboard was one of my favorite movies as a kid. We used to watch it relentlessly. Well, congratulations on Goldie. I know that Goldie has entered your life in a very wonderful time and we are very happy that Goldie is part of the crew of Review That Review.

CHELSEY: [00:05:04] Yes, she's the head of security. So she's going to keep an eye out for us. I think that we should probably...

VOICEOVER: [00:05:12] Lodge A Complaint.

CHELSEY: [00:05:14] Trey, do you have a complaint to lodge today?

TREY: [00:05:16] Oh boy, do I ever.

CHELSEY: [00:05:18] Can't wait.

TREY: [00:05:19] So, I mentioned, we went to Ogunquit, Maine. Ogunquit, historically, was known as a safe haven for LGBTQ people and families. So that is always wonderful. And that still exists today. And there is this like deconsecrated church. So that just means it was one, it was built as a Methodist church and it...

CHELSEY: [00:05:40] and now it's a bingo hall?

TREY: [00:05:41] Well, it's been stripped of all of its holiness, which has its own process because religion.

CHELSEY: [00:05:46] Oh, like there's actually a process for that.

TREY: [00:05:48] Yeah.

CHELSEY: [00:05:49] Oh, wow. Okay.

TREY: [00:05:50] I don't know what it is, but I'm sure it's similar to The Exorcist.

CHELSEY: [00:05:53] ...Like, before it becomes like a bowling alley or something they have to remove all the holiness.

TREY: [00:05:58] Exactly. All right. So this previous church is now a gift shop. And it's in the middle of town and you know, it's a two lane street and the name and they sell like, it's so cute, but they sell like chotskies and home decor and blankets and things like that. And the name of the church, ex-church gift shop. Do you have any guesses what they've named it?

CHELSEY: [00:06:24] What they've named the gift shop?

TREY: [00:06:25] Like if you were going to take an old church building, it has a huge clock tower. It's like a steeple. It's totally a church. What would you name it?

CHELSEY: [00:06:34] Holy Gifts.

TREY: [00:06:36] Cute.

CHELSEY: [00:06:37] Okay.

TREY: [00:06:37] Okay. So they have named it Revelations.

CHELSEY: [00:06:40] Okay.

TREY: [00:06:41] Cute. That's a cute name. We were seated at a restaurant, which was across the street, so it kept staring at it and it occurred to me. There's a huge missed opportunity here. This is like a gay, friendly place. Everyone has gay flags everywhere. Why was it not called Leviti-Gifts?

CHELSEY: [00:06:59] Why?

TREY: [00:07:02] Okay. You're Jewish. So that joke doesn't land on you.

CHELSEY: [00:07:04] No, but Leviticus is one of the, is the old Testament. So like I know Leviticus, roughly.

TREY: [00:07:09] So, leviticus is like the one section of the Bible where people point to say that homosexuality is a sin because it says that mankind should not lay with womankind as the man lays with mankind... or... should not lay with... man shall not lay with mankind as they do with womankind.

You know, also famously like the next verse is like don't mix fabrics, don't touch pork skin football.

CHELSEY: [00:07:36] Right.

TREY: [00:07:37] So anyway, I think...

CHELSEY: [00:07:39] But we ignore those cause that's not important.

TREY: [00:07:42] Well, duh. But I think that there's a huge opportunity that's been missed. This should be called Leviti-Gifts. I kept saying it over and over and over.

CHELSEY: [00:07:49] Oh, Leviti - GIFTS!.

TREY: [00:07:51] Oh yeah, did I not pronouncate?

CHELSEY: [00:07:53] No, I, yes. I don't know. I heard Leviticus, but Leviti-Gifts makes more sense.

TREY: [00:07:58] I lthink Leviti-Gifts is such a better name because this is a gay area. They would go to Leviti-Gifts and they would get a nice shawl or like a nice rock that has an engraving in it. So anyway, my complaint this week is, if I am ever going to frequent a gift shop, in a gay friendly vacation spot that is a deconsecrated church. I don't want its name to be anything other than Leviti-Gifts. Otherwise you're wasting my pun and humor time. The end.

CHELSEY: [00:08:29] Well, I think at very least you should have given them the opportunity. Like, did you tell them that this maybe they would be open to a rebrand?

TREY: [00:08:37] Well, I really did think about that and I've, I've looked them up. They do have a website, revelationsgiftshop.com. And I'm gonna see if I can reach out to them. Oh, there's a whole contact form.

CHELSEY: [00:08:48] Yeah. I think you should reach out at very least, like maybe they can do like a Leviti-Gifts event. Like would that. Would that help?

TREY: [00:08:57] Well, I did say to David, I think maybe like this should be my, like hobby now. Like I should just go across the country and find churches that are no longer functioning and then I can turn them into gift shops.

CHELSEY: [00:09:07] Yes.

TREY: [00:09:07] But I don't think I'm really gonna anytime soon..

CHELSEY: [00:09:08] GAY Gift Shops, which will definitely D what is it, consecrate them?

TREY: [00:09:14] Mmm-hmm. Yeah, there's a, there's a church that was turned into a home in Key West, but that's like a house so that I can't cause that's the perfect spot. Like in Key West or maybe in Fire Island, if there's like a, an old church, I don't really know much about Fire Island, but you know, I think Leviti-Gifts is perfect everyone would... You could paint a side of the wall like that pink wall in LA, where everyone wants to go and take pictures. It'd be a whole thing. Anyway, that's my complaint. It's been lodged. And, um, please, please, please. If you have a gift shop, that's an old church. Please rename it Leviti-Gifts.

CHELSEY: [00:09:47] And give Trey a little credit at the same time.

TREY: [00:09:50] You don't even have to give me credit. You don't, I don't even need it. I just need that to be rectified in the world. Chelsey, what about you? What is your complaint for the week?

CHELSEY: [00:09:58] Okay, so my complaint is, you know, like when you go on a website and they're like, you have to spend X number of dollars to get free shipping, like I hate you at, like, I just feel manipulated. I think I always land just shy. Like, I'll be like $2 short of the free shipping. Right? And then I'm like, well, is it worth it for me to spend like $6 for shipping? Or like, would I prefer that $6 in the form of an item? And now I have to scour your site for like an $8 item in order to really make this math work out. And then I'm probably going to get something that I don't need. And I just think, why can't we just give free shipping? Like, I don't like free shipping minimums. I feel like they're manipulative. I think they're doing it on purpose. I don't know. Just stop it with this. Do you have this problem? Like when you're like a dollar away?