Transcript of Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald Episode 10 "Lash Lab / Splash at the Boathouse" for the differently abled and those who prefer to read.
Review That Review with Chelsey Donn and Trey Gerrald
Episode 10
THEME SONG: [00:00:00] Everybody's got an opinion.
Every Californian and Virginian.
It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.
Someone's gotta settle the score.
Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!
Whose views win, which ones lose.
Online haters are comin' for you!
Baby, it's time to Review That Review!
CHELSEY: [00:00:00] Hello!
TREY: [00:00:31] Hi there. Welcome to Review That Review. This is episode 10 of the podcast dedicated to reviewing...
CHELSEY: [00:00:39] Unbelievable. ...reviews! We're just like Siskel and Ebert only instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we rate and review those hilarious, scathing, and sometimes suspicious online reviews!
TREY: [00:00:52] That's Chelsey Donn.
CHELSEY: [00:00:53] And that's Trey Gerrald.
TREY: [00:00:55] Or in the words of friend of the pod HammondCheeseSandWitch, that's Tracy and I'm Che, but regardless of what you call us individually, none of it really matters because together we are
VOICEOVER: [00:01:08] The Review Queens.
TREY: [00:01:13] How's that crown today, Tracy.
CHELSEY: [00:01:15] Well, Che. My, my crown is great today. yeah, I'm holding my crown high. How's your crown today?
TREY: [00:01:22] My crown is good. You know, I had a really spectacular weekend away. My husband and I were celebrating. This is funny to me because I remember when we first started dating, I was a waiter and we would go away and celebrate months because it was like a huge step for us to like, have, quote, unquote titles. We were like consciously being together one day at a time. So we would celebrate monthly anniversaries, but I would need coverage every now and then. And the other waiters would be like, oh, it's the anniversary! Thinking it was like years or something, not actual months. So then like everyone made fun of me after a while because they're like, wasn't your anniversary last ...anyway. So we went away to Ogunquit, Maine, which is where we met 11 years ago. It was amazing. We stayed at this gorgeous AirBnB. We waited a little too long... it's like a small little place. So a lot of the stuff was taken. And so we stumbled upon, we were the first people to stay in this gorgeous Airbnb in Wells, Maine, which is the town just above Ogunquit. And I just want to give it a shout out because we were the first to stay there. It's the quiet three bedroom beach cabin getaway. And the host is Samantha it's in Wells, Maine. It was just the two of us and our two dogs, but this was the only option. And last minute. It was so perfect. Like it was this three bedroom, but it was a really small cabin. So it didn't feel like we were in this mansion and they were just awesome hosts and really accommodated us. And they knew we were bringing our dogs. So they put out a little dog bowl, which was so cute. Um, it was really great. I actually missed you. Okay. A lot. I was telling David, this is like the first time I've wanted to return from a vacation because I'm having so much fun during this podcast and collaborating with you. So I'm so happy to be here. How are you, Chelsey? How was your week?
CHELSEY: [00:03:13] Oh, my God. First of all, I missed you a lot too. I was like trying not to be a codependent and allow you to have your anniversary weekend. So I just want you to know it was a lot of effort, but I did a few also. Yeah, I've had a good week. I just got a brand new puppy, which is very exciting and very exhausting in all the ways. So I don't sleep anymore. So we're just going to have to let that go, but she's worth it cause she's really cute.
TREY: [00:03:43] And what is your puppy's name?
CHELSEY: [00:03:45] My puppy's name is Goldie and maybe we'll...
TREY: [00:03:49] We're cheering for Goldie!
CHELSEY: [00:03:50] Aw, We're cheering for Goldie. She's named after Goldie Hawn, but she's Goldie Donn.
TREY: [00:03:55] David asked me how you came up with the name Goldie. And I was like, I haven't asked actually.
CHELSEY: [00:03:59] Yeah, I love, I'm like the biggest Goldie Hawn fan ever, always like, love her so much. In fact, my friends came over to meet Goldie and we had to decide which Goldie Hawn movie, we were going to watch.
TREY: [00:04:14] What'd you pick?
CHELSEY: [00:04:15] Just in Goldie's honor! We picked, House Sitter it's it's Goldie Hawn and Steve Martin. And it's, it's not as, I guess, like it's not as mainstream, but it's just so fun and I just love it so much. And she's just amazing in everything that she does so she could do no, no wrong in my book. And Steve Martin, it's like Steve Martin at his best, like second to Father of the Bride for me. It was fun. We enjoyed it. We had a great time. I think Goldie liked it. She didn't, she didn't complain. So...
TREY: [00:04:49] Overboard was one of my favorite movies as a kid. We used to watch it relentlessly. Well, congratulations on Goldie. I know that Goldie has entered your life in a very wonderful time and we are very happy that Goldie is part of the crew of Review That Review.
CHELSEY: [00:05:04] Yes, she's the head of security. So she's going to keep an eye out for us. I think that we should probably...
VOICEOVER: [00:05:12] Lodge A Complaint.
CHELSEY: [00:05:14] Trey, do you have a complaint to lodge today?
TREY: [00:05:16] Oh boy, do I ever.
CHELSEY: [00:05:18] Can't wait.
TREY: [00:05:19] So, I mentioned, we went to Ogunquit, Maine. Ogunquit, historically, was known as a safe haven for LGBTQ people and families. So that is always wonderful. And that still exists today. And there is this like deconsecrated church. So that just means it was one, it was built as a Methodist church and it...
CHELSEY: [00:05:40] and now it's a bingo hall?
TREY: [00:05:41] Well, it's been stripped of all of its holiness, which has its own process because religion.
CHELSEY: [00:05:46] Oh, like there's actually a process for that.
TREY: [00:05:48] Yeah.
CHELSEY: [00:05:49] Oh, wow. Okay.
TREY: [00:05:50] I don't know what it is, but I'm sure it's similar to The Exorcist.
CHELSEY: [00:05:53] ...Like, before it becomes like a bowling alley or something they have to remove all the holiness.
TREY: [00:05:58] Exactly. All right. So this previous church is now a gift shop. And it's in the middle of town and you know, it's a two lane street and the name and they sell like, it's so cute, but they sell like chotskies and home decor and blankets and things like that. And the name of the church, ex-church gift shop. Do you have any guesses what they've named it?
CHELSEY: [00:06:24] What they've named the gift shop?
TREY: [00:06:25] Like if you were going to take an old church building, it has a huge clock tower. It's like a steeple. It's totally a church. What would you name it?
CHELSEY: [00:06:34] Holy Gifts.
TREY: [00:06:36] Cute.
CHELSEY: [00:06:37] Okay.
TREY: [00:06:37] Okay. So they have named it Revelations.
CHELSEY: [00:06:40] Okay.
TREY: [00:06:41] Cute. That's a cute name. We were seated at a restaurant, which was across the street, so it kept staring at it and it occurred to me. There's a huge missed opportunity here. This is like a gay, friendly place. Everyone has gay flags everywhere. Why was it not called Leviti-Gifts?
CHELSEY: [00:06:59] Why?
TREY: [00:07:02] Okay. You're Jewish. So that joke doesn't land on you.
CHELSEY: [00:07:04] No, but Leviticus is one of the, is the old Testament. So like I know Leviticus, roughly.
TREY: [00:07:09] So, leviticus is like the one section of the Bible where people point to say that homosexuality is a sin because it says that mankind should not lay with womankind as the man lays with mankind... or... should not lay with... man shall not lay with mankind as they do with womankind.
You know, also famously like the next verse is like don't mix fabrics, don't touch pork skin football.
CHELSEY: [00:07:36] Right.
TREY: [00:07:37] So anyway, I think...
CHELSEY: [00:07:39] But we ignore those cause that's not important.
TREY: [00:07:42] Well, duh. But I think that there's a huge opportunity that's been missed. This should be called Leviti-Gifts. I kept saying it over and over and over.
CHELSEY: [00:07:49] Oh, Leviti - GIFTS!.
TREY: [00:07:51] Oh yeah, did I not pronouncate?
CHELSEY: [00:07:53] No, I, yes. I don't know. I heard Leviticus, but Leviti-Gifts makes more sense.
TREY: [00:07:58] I lthink Leviti-Gifts is such a better name because this is a gay area. They would go to Leviti-Gifts and they would get a nice shawl or like a nice rock that has an engraving in it. So anyway, my complaint this week is, if I am ever going to frequent a gift shop, in a gay friendly vacation spot that is a deconsecrated church. I don't want its name to be anything other than Leviti-Gifts. Otherwise you're wasting my pun and humor time. The end.
CHELSEY: [00:08:29] Well, I think at very least you should have given them the opportunity. Like, did you tell them that this maybe they would be open to a rebrand?
TREY: [00:08:37] Well, I really did think about that and I've, I've looked them up. They do have a website, revelationsgiftshop.com. And I'm gonna see if I can reach out to them. Oh, there's a whole contact form.
CHELSEY: [00:08:48] Yeah. I think you should reach out at very least, like maybe they can do like a Leviti-Gifts event. Like would that. Would that help?
TREY: [00:08:57] Well, I did say to David, I think maybe like this should be my, like hobby now. Like I should just go across the country and find churches that are no longer functioning and then I can turn them into gift shops.
CHELSEY: [00:09:07] Yes.
TREY: [00:09:07] But I don't think I'm really gonna anytime soon..
CHELSEY: [00:09:08] GAY Gift Shops, which will definitely D what is it, consecrate them?
TREY: [00:09:14] Mmm-hmm. Yeah, there's a, there's a church that was turned into a home in Key West, but that's like a house so that I can't cause that's the perfect spot. Like in Key West or maybe in Fire Island, if there's like a, an old church, I don't really know much about Fire Island, but you know, I think Leviti-Gifts is perfect everyone would... You could paint a side of the wall like that pink wall in LA, where everyone wants to go and take pictures. It'd be a whole thing. Anyway, that's my complaint. It's been lodged. And, um, please, please, please. If you have a gift shop, that's an old church. Please rename it Leviti-Gifts.
CHELSEY: [00:09:47] And give Trey a little credit at the same time.
TREY: [00:09:50] You don't even have to give me credit. You don't, I don't even need it. I just need that to be rectified in the world. Chelsey, what about you? What is your complaint for the week?
CHELSEY: [00:09:58] Okay, so my complaint is, you know, like when you go on a website and they're like, you have to spend X number of dollars to get free shipping, like I hate you at, like, I just feel manipulated. I think I always land just shy. Like, I'll be like $2 short of the free shipping. Right? And then I'm like, well, is it worth it for me to spend like $6 for shipping? Or like, would I prefer that $6 in the form of an item? And now I have to scour your site for like an $8 item in order to really make this math work out. And then I'm probably going to get something that I don't need. And I just think, why can't we just give free shipping? Like, I don't like free shipping minimums. I feel like they're manipulative. I think they're doing it on purpose. I don't know. Just stop it with this. Do you have this problem? Like when you're like a dollar away?
TREY: [00:10:55] I've noticed it with just minimums. Like when you're getting food delivery, like take out.
CHELSEY: [00:10:59] Exactly.
TREY: [00:11:01] It happens a lot where it's like. I have noticed many times you'll always be like a dollar to 75 cents off. And the cheapest thing is like a side of rice or like a side of broccoli. And that's always like going to put you up like $5. Like I do think that if someone is being strategic about this.
CHELSEY: [00:11:22] Yeah. It's definitely strategic. Also. Like I wish that they could keep track in a day. Like my, you know, I have a new puppy, so I'll go on chewy.com and they'll have minimums and I'll go on and like, I'll buy a few items, I'll get the free shipping and then I'll be like, oh, I forgot to get something. So then I want to just order that one thing. But I can't because I have to fill up my cart and I just feel like I've already invested in this business. You're you don't, you could put it all in the same box. Why? Why, Why! I'm lodging a complaint.
TREY: [00:11:59] You know, complaint heard.
CHELSEY: [00:12:01] Thank you.
TREY: [00:12:02] That is such a like common occurrence complaint. Like I have felt the same frustrations before, so I appreciate you voicing it.
CHELSEY: [00:12:10] Well, thank you. I feel better now that they got that off my chest.
TREY: [00:12:14] I think I feel okay. I feel like maybe I could have spelled out Leviti-Gifts stronger, but regardless, let's just move into some written online complaints. How do you feel about that?
CHELSEY: [00:12:25] I feel great about that. As you guys already know, if you're listening to episode 10, we are your trusty Review Queens. We each bring in a review from the internet that we feel needs to be inspected.
TREY: [00:12:37] We read you the review, we break it down and then we rate the impact of the review on a scale from one to five crowns. It's a very Regal process that we like to call
VOICEOVER: [00:12:46] Assess That Kvetch!
TREY: [00:12:49] And kvetch means complaint.
CHELSEY: [00:12:51] Uh, I'm kvelling, Trey! You're Yiddish. It gets better every week. Okay. Who is first today?
TREY: [00:12:59] You are, my gorgeous RQ.
CHELSEY: [00:13:02] Wow. Okay. I'm first God. Like I feel like my heart always starts to be whenever I realized that I am first, but yeah.
TREY: [00:13:09] You know what? You don't have to, you don't have to have an increased heartbeat because the worst that could happen is you could not set up the punchline of Leviti-Gifts and then it bombs. And then, you know what, then you take a breath and who cares? We're here to have fun.
CHELSEY: [00:13:23] You're right. We are here for fun.
VOICEOVER: [00:13:24] Review That Review.
CHELSEY: [00:13:30] Okay. My review this week is from Google. It is a one-star review of Mav Lash in California. This review is written by Jodi B.
I've been debating writing this for hours, but every time I walk by the mirror, I'm almost in tears. I wanted to be kind, but I'm really disappointed in my entire experience. I did a lot of searching for what I wanted and who I should go to before booking my appointment. But I have to admit how wrong I was. My appointment was for a mixed set. I picked this because I have naturally decent length lashes, but wanted them to be a little fuller, but still more natural. A set I can roll out without needing to wear mascara and liner makeup every day.
When I arrived, the tech called my name, but didn't introduce herself or anything. I told the receptionist, and her, that I've never had lashes before. And she asked to see some photos of what I wanted. The pics we looked at were from the Mav Lash Instagram. I pointed out what I liked and she said, 'so more natural' to which I agreed and also pointed out a few that she said were cat-eye angled. I told her I didn't want anything doll eyed or too lush. I thought we were on the same page and I paid down and she began. After about two hours, she finished. And I asked to use the restroom before checking out. Once in the bathroom, I took a glance in the mirror and was shocked.
They were so long and looked like one of those dolls that eyes close when you lay it down and open when it's upright, not it all the more natural, but fuller look we chatted about, or the photos we looked at. When I came out, I immediately told her. Her response was that she couldn't do anything about the length unless you took them off completely and put a new set on.
I was devastated as I tried to ask what we could do. She offered to take some of the fullness out of one that was heavier than the other. I agreed to that, but honestly, didn't see much of a difference. At that point I just wanted to leave. I was hungry and really upset, but trying to still be nice. I was hoping once I put on mascara on my lower lashes, that it would offset everything.
Now that I'm home, the mascara didn't help at all. So I washed my face and literally a quarter of them fell right out. I don't know if it's my face wash or what, since I was given no care instructions verbally or anything. I'm getting really irritated that I paid close to $200 for this. They look awful and I'm at the point of just pulling them all off myself in the morning. Big disappointment. Waste of my money, and very unhappy with how the tech handled it all.
My tech was Gensine.
TREY: [00:16:52] Is that the name? Gensine?
CHELSEY: [00:16:55] Yes. G E N S I N E. Would you pronounce that another way?
TREY: [00:17:00] No, I just didn't know if that was like a millennial term or something.
CHELSEY: [00:17:04] Oh, good, good clarification.
TREY: [00:17:06] Wow. Okay. Jodi B... wait, have you ever had eyelash extensions?
CHELSEY: [00:17:13] Not like the kind of eyelash extensions like this that are meant to last a long time? I think for my sister's wedding, we did the, you know, like the makeup artists did the little eyelashes and they were the nicer ones where you put them on one at a time, but I think they still were meant to be temporary. So nothing like this.
TREY: [00:17:31] Right. Those are like little wispies.
CHELSEY: [00:17:33] Yes.
TREY: [00:17:35] Cause I have two friends that have had like these long-term eyelash extensions put on.
CHELSEY: [00:17:40] Yeah.
TREY: [00:17:41] And I know that at least with those two girls it's commonplace that like, it looks a little extreme at first and then they do sort of like,
CHELSEY: [00:17:49] fall off?
TREY: [00:17:49] Yeah, yeah.
CHELSEY: [00:17:51] Yeah. I had that thought too, like when she said a quarter of them fell off, like I wanted to be like, did it look better when a quarter of them fell off? Like, is it one of those things where it sort of sheds after a while? And then it starts to look more natural? I honestly don't know. And neither does Jodi.
TREY: [00:18:07] Uh, I, you know, I have a lot of thoughts here. It's interesting to me. Jodi B mentions that they have decent length eyelashes to begin with. So then my question is, well then why are you getting the service. I understand that there's like a middle ground. Like, you don't want to be a drag queen, but like you want it to look more full and natural. But yeah, but to me, I feel like that line is so specific to each individual that like, it's very tough and that just makes me stressed out for these like technicians, because it's like, people are probably, you're going to be dealing with a lot of opinions and that's a personal opinion, you know?
CHELSEY: [00:18:44] Everybody's got one.
TREY: [00:18:46] Everybody's got one as Joe Kinosian beautifully wrote. But like, to me, I don't know. I feel like if I do think that there's like, um, a judgment snap that people might have, if it looks like you have like giant, giant false eyelashes on and you're like at CVS?
CHELSEY: [00:19:03] I mean, like, I don't know. I guess I'm less worried about the judgment snap. Cause I figured it's just like, if you want it, like you rock it, you rock it. But I think everybody looks better with a little mascara, you know? And so I can understand saying like, oh, like it would be nice to have a little something extra and not have it be like a full glam look, I guess the thing where I'm, I'm trusting Jodi a little bit here is that it seems like she knew what she liked based on the fact that she showed examples.
She pulled things specifically from their Instagram. Like not another, not like random Instagram, like here's an example of work that you have done in the past that I liked. And then the person said like, oh, okay, I get it. Like, you want something more natural?
TREY: [00:19:49] Not doll-like!
CHELSEY: [00:19:50] Like not doll-like specifically, and you know, maybe like a little bit of a cat eye angle, but like pretty natural. I don't know. I feel for, cause when I, I mean, this is a little bit of a non-sequitur, but when I was a kid, I really wanted to get highlights. Cause my sister was a blonde and she got highlights when she was younger and I just was like, I want to do this thing. And I begged my mom to let me get highlights when I was in middle school and she'd begrudgingly agreed and I got these red highlights and then I went in the bathroom and they looked kind of like weird red purple to me. And I just remember being completely devastated, like that feeling of, of getting something done and then going to the bathroom and seeing it and then having that feel like I felt for Jodi B in that moment. Cause it's like, it's a weird thing. You're like, what do I do? Like how do I, how do I manage this? Like I am upset and yeah. I think that when you get services like that, you should be able to tell them that you're upset and you don't like it. I just wish that, I mean, they didn't show her a mirror along the way. Like, it just seems like in the two hour period that she, and again, I've never had this done, so I don't know how it works. But during the, like, usually when you get your haircut or you get something in there, like, how are you liking it? Like, is this you want it a little short? Or do you want it a little longer? Like, why weren't they checking in with her?
TREY: [00:21:09] I had that question too, because two hours is so long and also like, cause I would think like to check in after one eye is complete and they're switching to the next.
CHELSEY: [00:21:18] Check in after one eye and then it's like, oh, if we have to completely pivot, then we only have to take a set off of one eye.
TREY: [00:21:26] And I would think that the technician is at fault for that.
CHELSEY: [00:21:30] Yeah, I do! The fact that she had to go to the bathroom to see what was happening. That's weird to me. Isn't it weird?
TREY: [00:21:39] It is weird, also, conversely, because I've also been in a situation where like, now it's very trendy to have these crazy extreme fades for boys, like with the haircut, but that happened to me in college and it was right after Rosie O'Donnell had come out and she did that to her hair. And all I thought was, I look like Rosie O'Donnell and it was like, so upsetting. So, I understand when you get something done that does not feel like you and you have to face it. That's that is like very. Confronting and upsetting. So like I'm not judging that, but to me, I feel like eyelashes are so much less severe than hair color or a haircut.
CHELSEY: [00:22:15] Yes. And no. Like it's on your face, you know what I mean? Like
TREY: [00:22:18] Eyes are the heart of the soul or whatever.
CHELSEY: [00:22:20] Yeah. Like with a haircut you can put a hat on, I guess worst comes to worse. Well, couldn't you put sunglasses?.
TREY: [00:22:26] Right. That's what I was going say.
CHELSEY: [00:22:28] I guess. But like, I mean, a hat is a 24 hour item, a sunglass, like, you know, you look pretty crazy after sundown sunglasses on. So..
TREY: [00:22:37] I, I do think that close to $200 is crazy. Especially if a quarter of them fell out. Like with the first time you washed. We're assuming that Jodi was not scrubbing and rubbing and freaking out and crying and going insane like a monkey.
CHELSEY: [00:22:48] Which she might have been.
TREY: [00:22:50] Possibly. But you know what I mean? Here we are. Two of us. So neither of us have ever had this done. So odds are, you're probably going to encounter people that are novices to this process. So you would imagine that there would be a little conversation, especially when it's communicated that I'm new at this. This is what I like. This is what I don't like, that you would assume there would be a check-in and afterwards, I understand, like there's nothing to be done about the length. It's not safe for me to trim these, but like we have to redo everything. Like that just seems obvious to me. So like, I don't fault the salon for that, but I do question why there was not a check-in. So, that would have like a little bit of, um, that would have a little, little lasting impact on me.
CHELSEY: [00:23:34] I agree. Like, I don't understand why they didn't didn't give her instructions when she left. It seems quite obvious to have a whole process that she was like a novice and she also left, you know, not happy. I don't know. It just seems it definitely. I want to validate Jodi B. Cause it seems like some things were not handled properly.
TREY: [00:23:53] And I love that Jodi, it starts this by saying, I admit that I chose the mixed length because I that's what I thought I wanted. They come, they don't start out being a victim. They don't say like, they were horrible to me. They say like, I might have mistakenly chosen the length, but I'm new with this.
CHELSEY: [00:24:13] Yeah, totally. And like also that she was like, I've been debating writing this for hours, but every time I walk by a mirror, I'm almost in tears. Like I just, I, I kind of like, I feel for Jodi, like that sucks. Like when you do something like this, you're doing it because you want to feel better about yourself and look nice and have that moment of looking in the mirror, being like, Hey girl, Hey. And the fact that she did this and had the opposite reaction personally, I'm super sensitive to reviews when it comes to things that are on my face. Like when I'm doing like laser on the face or like eyebrows or something like that. I think I do pay a lot of attention to the reviews with stuff like that. And I would definitely second guess whether or not I was going to go to this place after I read this review.
TREY: [00:25:01] That's interesting. What was the spelling and grammar like?
CHELSEY: [00:25:04] There were a lot of little mistakes. It wasn't perfect. It was long. So she had a lot, to say, but there were little, like she said...
TREY: [00:25:14] Did you say paid down instead of laid?
CHELSEY: [00:25:16] Yeah. So, she said I paid down and she began. I mean, I'm assuming she meant that she like sat down. I don't really know how that happens with autocorrect, but...
TREY: [00:25:24] I think they do lay you down though. Like...
CHELSEY: [00:25:26] Oh, maybe "laid down". Oh yeah, that makes sense.
TREY: [00:25:31] But Jodi B has been crying, you know, they didn't have time to like go through with a magnifying glass, they were too upset.
CHELSEY: [00:25:37] Corect, her eyes I'm sure were swollen. I mean, they'd been like poked and prodded and now cried. And washed and
TREY: [00:25:45] Not very humor... there wasn't a lot of humor here.
CHELSEY: [00:25:48] No, I, I mean, this was not a humorous, review. This was, I think like a heartfelt, emotional dump in a way. I feel like she's talking directly to the other people that also, maybe haven't had this done before and saying like, look like you said, like I'm new to this. Like, I didn't really know what I wanted, but I thought I did research. I thought I provided like photographic examples of what I wanted and, you know, I was really, really disappointed. And I think that as someone that's newer to this, like I would be listening. I'm listening to you, Jodi B for sure.
TREY: [00:26:25] Yeah. I think I can crown this.
CHELSEY: [00:26:27] Okay, let's crown it.
TREY: [00:26:27] All right. So in an effort to be fair, Chelsey and I each have our own set of one to five crown cards. We will reveal our scores simultaneously so that we will not be impacted by the others review.
VOICEOVER: [00:26:43] The Queens are Tabulating.
TREY: [00:26:45] All right. You ready?
CHELSEY: [00:26:46] I'm ready.
VOICEOVER: [00:26:52] Total score!
CHELSEY: [00:26:53] Okay. Interesting. Trey is holding up three crowns and I am holding up four crowns. Trey, tell us about your three crowns.
TREY: [00:27:02] Okay. So I chose three, very middle of the road, because I do actually very much believe Jodi B. I appreciate that they expressed where they felt they were responsible and were, you know, very emotionally driven in this review. Not a lot of humor doesn't matter because that doesn't really affect my score that much. Uh, especially when it's very emotional. And I do believe the person Spelling is all over the place. You know, I, I did think that this is valuable. Only because I've never had this done. And so if I was going to, I would take from the review that I need to really spell out: okay. Y'all I need to check in with you this entire Orocess. I don't want to come out of here looking like a clown. Like let's be serious, although I am a drag queen lover. And so give me a 301. Give me crazy, crazy, crazy raccoon eyelashes. I love that. Look, I think nothing is more chic, but that isn't what Jodi wanted. And she seems to have felt... Jodi. They felt that that's what they walked out with. And so for that reason, the impact is I think I, um, I would, I would feel more armed with needing to be extremely proactive in my experience. And so, for that reason, I gave it three. I gave it three. What about you?
CHELSEY: [00:28:16] I gave it four, which, as you know, for me as a pretty high score. So I was a little bit surprised myself. I was also... I was alsalating between three and a half and four, to be honest, I was just putting myself in Jodi's shoes a little bit and identifying that this felt like a very authentic experience that me as a consumer looking to possibly get lashes would certainly be impacted by Jodi'sexperience. And I appreciate her sharing her experience with me. I took off also, you know, a crown for lack of humor and, the spelling and grammar issues for sure. I thought about taking off another half crown because of what you said, like, I don't really know this experience. So maybe if I had done this all the time, I would feel differently. Like I'm not that knowledgeable in the subject matter. So, maybe that's worth a half crown if somebody else is like, oh, she should never have said mixed lashes or whatever. I don't know. But that's why I gave it him four because I believed her. I believed it was honest. And I think that I would definitely do a little bit more research before I would go to this place. And maybe even before I would do this at all, so. four crowns.
TREY: [00:29:23] Well said.
CHELSEY: [00:29:24] Yeah. Thanks.
TREY: [00:29:25] All right. Sorry, Jodi B, I hope that it all works out for you
CHELSEY: [00:29:28] I'm sure they're out by now. When did, when did Jodi B write this review? A year ago! So, um, I, I hope she's recovered.
TREY: [00:29:37] I wish Jodi B had submitted images so that I could take a look.
CHELSEY: [00:29:40] True. Can you, I can't remember if you can submit images on Google reviews. You can right?
TREY: [00:29:45] I think so.
CHELSEY: [00:29:46] Okay. Well,
TREY: [00:29:47] I don't know.
CHELSEY: [00:29:48] Yeah. Okay.
TREY: [00:29:49] Well, Godspeed, Jodi B.
CHELSEY: [00:29:50] Yeah, best of luck to you.
TREY: [00:29:53] All right. Let's take a quick break. And then when we come back, we can get into my review of the week.
CHELSEY: [00:29:57] Oh my God. Can't wait.
VOICEOVER: [00:30:01] Hold your crown. We'll be right back.
TREY: [00:30:26] It's game time. All right, Chels, Chels, it's time for us to take a quick little spin on the fun, fast, furious, glorious, spectacular light, fantastic Meryl-Go-Round.
CHELSEY: [00:30:48] I like the fact that this could be like a glowing, like night. Fantastic Meryl-Go-Round. I think that that's nice. Okay. So here's the deal. Trey and I have each picked a rotten scathing pithy one-star zinger and with 30 seconds on the clock, not a second more, we'll take turns, trying to recite the zinger in as many genres as possible.
TREY: [00:31:10] Just like our Queen Meryl, who does it all!
CHELSEY: [00:31:13] Before the clock runs out.
TREY: [00:31:15] So this week, I have a one-star zinger from Google reviews for the Smile Direct Club, Bright On LED Accelerator Light. And this is from Rachel T who says, please see a dental professional for orthodontic treatment. This needs to be monitored by a professional.
CHELSEY: [00:31:38] Hmm, I have to agree.
TREY: [00:31:42] Same.
CHELSEY: [00:31:43] All right, Trey. Are you ready?
TREY: [00:31:45] I am ready! Gonna hop on!
CHELSEY: [00:31:48] Let's get started.
Please see, I've done a professional before I tell them to treat, man, this needs to be a .
Hey Michelle.
See a dental professional for orthodontic treatment that this needs to be monitored by a professional opera diva
VOICEOVER: [00:32:19] super hero.
TREY: [00:32:21] I see it on professional.
CHELSEY: [00:32:25] I'm going to give you Superhero only because you were...
TREY: [00:32:28] I did my arms?
CHELSEY: [00:32:29] You were doing the most, like you didn't short end that at all, the opera diva had a full aria at the end there. So I'm going to give that to you. That's 1, 2, 3 that's 4 Trey. Good job for a kind of long zinger.
TREY: [00:32:46] I know, I knew that it was like pushing, being pithy, but I just thought it was so funny to leave that review. Okay, Chelsey, what is your, one star zinger for today?
CHELSEY: [00:32:56] That's a great question. Trey. My one star zinger is from RateMyProfessor. It is for an economics professor at NYU written by ECONUA1 and it says terrible. Absolutely terrible.
VOICEOVER: [00:33:17] Okay.
CHELSEY: [00:33:18] That's it.
TREY: [00:33:19] This is going to be fun. All right. Are you ready to jump on?
CHELSEY: [00:33:23] Yes, I am ready.
TREY: [00:33:27] Teen drama.
CHELSEY: [00:33:29] Terrible. Absolutely terrible
TREY: [00:33:32] magic show. Terrible,
CHELSEY: [00:33:35] absolutely terrible
TREY: [00:33:38] melodrama.
VOICEOVER: [00:33:41] Absolutely
TREY: [00:33:43] true crime documentary. Terrible. Absolutely
VOICEOVER: [00:33:51] terrible.
CHELSEY: [00:33:52] Absolutely terrible
TREY: [00:33:54] lifetime heroin.
CHELSEY: [00:33:57] Absolutely terrible. I don't know they were all the same. They were all. That's how I always feel every time I do this. So I'm like, I don't know the difference between lifetime and teen drama. We did this to ourselves!
TREY: [00:34:08] When you did the magic, you did abracadabra hands. So I think that doesn't matter. It was, it was stimulating me. So this is six. You got six my Queen.
CHELSEY: [00:34:20] Thank you. Wow
TREY: [00:34:22] Six versus four. Girl. You're the Queen.
CHELSEY: [00:34:25] I'm the Queen. I'm the Queen! Wow. I lost everything when I was a kid to my sister. My sister would like, she was just very competitive and she would beat me at everything. And so it's just sort of, it tickles me that, that I get to be a winner because I growing up was never, I just gave up. I was like, go ahead and win. If it's not important to you, you know?
TREY: [00:34:49] Well, you never have to give up cause you're exceedingly great at this game. So congratulations.
CHELSEY: [00:34:54] Thanks Trey. You're great too.
TREY: [00:34:56] Meh.
VOICEOVER: [00:35:01] Review that Review.
CHELSEY: [00:35:05] Okay. Hey, we are back from that rousing game break, and now it is your turn, Trey. Where is your review from this week?
TREY: [00:35:14] Oh boy. All right. So this week I have a special review that was sent to me by a friend that was too long to be a Listener Voicemail. This is from Yelp.
CHELSEY: [00:35:28] Okay.
TREY: [00:35:28] It is a two star review for a restaurant called Splash at the Boat House, which is in Burlington, Vermont. This is from Craig N.
I hate to give a joint two stars, but I simply couldn't ignore what we were told by our wait staff. I'll get to that in a moment. Backing up. My hot blonde German wife, and I decided to meet the best pilot I ever flew with. My buddy, Jeff and his wife, including their Chihuahua decided to fly their sea plane up from Ticonderoga to meet us. I thought what a better place for them to dock their $2.5 million machine but right there. After they got a ton of attention from this fly by and flawless landing, they joined us at our table right at the water on the patio. Let me tell you the positives first, our server was super awesome and our drinks were strong and out of this world. You know, it set the stage for a great night. We had about three rounds a piece, but to my astonishment, my best bud, Jeff downed five whiskey sours in about 20 minutes as we were catching up on good ol times. Just a quick side note, Jeff, all caps hates seafood and has a reaction to it, but he doesn't care what anyone else eats, he just usually picks the steak or chicken. So it was when we were told this by our awesome wait staff dot dot dot, bless her heart.
My wife wanted to have the haddock, but asked if she could have it blackened. It was to all of us or utmost astonishment that we were explained that all fish are prepared in the morning and can't accommodate any special requests. Being that my bud Jeff is also a math wi, knowing what time it was that evening quickly realized that our seafood sits for more time during the day than our old boss, Doug, spends time seeing who's wearing the right shoes and develops more elaborate spreadsheets than Mr. Excel himself. I digress.
Immediately, Jeff's reaction to the seafood news, set his stomach on a whirlwind worse than a 21 year old drinking for the first time after eating four White Castle burgers. Jeff started throwing up in his mouth. Not once, but twice. Olli, their Chihuahua, started barking frantically as he knew his owner was in trouble. And he was! Four exclamation marks. Jeff being the stud he is, got up and pretty much did a fifth grades first place standing long jump and hurdled over the big rope parameters in a heartbeat, and flashed over to the nearest point of water to hurl all that he drank. Poor Jeff for having that kind of reaction to being told that they cannot blacken fish because it is prepared in advance in the morning.
Bottom line, if you want fresh seafood, don't come here. Come here for the drinks, views, and service. That's it. By the way, since Jeff had too much to drink and was way too green, his wife flew them home. And she doesn't even have a license. Truth be told, she can out fly both Jeff and me! 17 exclamation mark.
CHELSEY: [00:39:21] Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.
TREY: [00:39:24] What the actual F?!
CHELSEY: [00:39:26] I mean, so much to unpack here with Craig N. First of all, thank you to your friend who found this review.
TREY: [00:39:36] Marc.
CHELSEY: [00:39:37] Thank you, Marc. For finding this, what a find. Great job. I kind of felt like I was on a scavenger hunt when this was going on, looking for the details that actually involve the restaurant. Um, I just have, I know the weirdest details now about Craig's life and I know not a single thing about the food. Also, like your friend was puking because he had a million whiskeys, like...
TREY: [00:40:07] Thank you!
CHELSEY: [00:40:09] It doesn't make any, it makes like no sense. Like, first of all, yes, like that is gross if that's true. That they prepare the fish in advance. I can't imagine how that would be true. Is that like, do you think that that's true?
TREY: [00:40:23] It can't, it can't be.
CHELSEY: [00:40:25] Like marinade it in advance. Like I don't, like I like, um, Jeff, I also don't eat fish
TREY: [00:40:33] Me either.
CHELSEY: [00:40:34] Oh my God. I love that about you. Ugh. Anyway, I digress as does Craig. I mean, the only information Craig gave us about this restaurant was positive. Right?
TREY: [00:40:46] I know. Right.
CHELSEY: [00:40:47] That's so weird. What's the name of that restaurant again? Oh Splash at the Boat House. Yeah. What a splash. They had my goodness, God like such, just such pretentiousness. I could puke,
TREY: [00:40:59] I mean, if I were to ever try to communicate the definition of the word douche, like this is like, when Marc sent me this, I thought, oh my, I like want to take a shower. I feel so gross.
CHELSEY: [00:41:14] Agreed.
TREY: [00:41:15] Jeff must think that he is like Jeff Foxworthy. Like he thinks he's very funny. So there's a few like jokes in here, that just come off..
CHELSEY: [00:41:24] Wait, Jeff thinks he's funny or Craig thinks he's funny?
TREY: [00:41:27] Sorry. Craig. Right. Craig thinks he's a comedian.
CHELSEY: [00:41:30] Yes. For sure.
TREY: [00:41:31] And what does that have to do with any like, no, one's going to get like your inside joke about your old boss.
CHELSEY: [00:41:36] Very strange.
TREY: [00:41:38] Also what is the Chihuahua, Olli, have to do with anything?
CHELSEY: [00:41:43] And what is the fact that he has a hot blonde German wife has to do with anything? He didn't even bring her up again. It's like he introduced this character and then he just let her, like, what happened to the wife
TREY: [00:41:54] Also, why do we need to know that this plane they flew was $2.5 million.
CHELSEY: [00:42:00] Gross.
TREY: [00:42:01] I'm already hate you.
CHELSEY: [00:42:02] I already hate you. And like, what is a perfect place to land so that everybody is watching you and gawking at your two and a half million dollar plane, that's your friends? And didn't he start, I was confused. He started in the beginning saying something about having the flight with like the best pilot he ever had. And then he ends with the wife. Are those, is that the same?
TREY: [00:42:25] So he's saying that he and his hot blonde German wife, Craig, decided to meet the best pilot he ever flew with. Who is Jeff.
CHELSEY: [00:42:35] Oh.
TREY: [00:42:35] So Craig and Jeff are both pilots.
CHELSEY: [00:42:38] Craig's a pilot?
TREY: [00:42:42] I think, oh, maybe he isn't a pilot, but he's the best pilot he ever flew with is his friend, Jeff.
CHELSEY: [00:42:49] I think so. But then, but then in the end he was like, he said the Jeff's wife flew the plane without a license.
TREY: [00:42:57] She can out fly both Jeff and me. So I do think,
CHELSEY: [00:43:00] Oh so then maybe he is a pilot? I don't know. He is gross. I feel like this is like that, that Billy Madison quote, where they're like, I am now dumber for having listened to this. Like I, I really..
TREY: [00:43:12] Well on that note, I am not a math wiz, but Craig points out that they had about three rounds apiece. But then uses the word astonishment, two or three times, to his astonishment, Jeff down five whiskey sours in about 20 minutes. So that doesn't add up because if you had three rounds the whole time, but then he had five. So, and you were there before he was so what, three rounds of five? What's that?
CHELSEY: [00:43:40] Cause apparently Jeff drinks like a fish. I think Jeff just drinks very fast.
TREY: [00:43:46] But Jeff throws up because of the way the fish has prepared. Not because he had five whiskey sours and was so like done that he couldn't fly the plane at the end.
CHELSEY: [00:43:55] It doesn't make any sense because Craig is giving us all the details to support the case that he's fighting against. Like it's bizarre. It's like, well, of course he threw up, he had five whiskey sours and like 20 minutes.
TREY: [00:44:10] I'm also curious, how do you throw up in your mouth twice? If you throw up in your mouth once aren't you going to then have to get it out? Like how do you then throw up and then throw up again in your mouth?
CHELSEY: [00:44:20] I imagined that it was like a w...w... and then he like just was like, let me get outta here. And also that poor body of water it's now covered in Jeff's puke. Ugh. Dis-gus-sting. Okay. So also, like, I'm a little bit upset that this reviewer's name is Craig. Cause my dad's name is Craig and obviously, like I had a lot more high hopes for Craig N just based on name alone, so disappointed in Craig N. Also he just like, he's all over the place. Like he starts with like this, he calls it a joint. Right? And then bless her heart. I remember that part.
TREY: [00:44:57] He is from Texas.
CHELSEY: [00:44:59] Okay. All right.
TREY: [00:45:00] It is funny to me because it says bottom line, if you want fresh seafood, all caps don't come here, but A: they didn't even have the fish.
CHELSEY: [00:45:08] Yeah.
TREY: [00:45:08] And they're telling us that it's not fresh because I think this waiter was uninformed or said something incorrectly. Like, does it...
CHELSEY: [00:45:14] Doesn't make any sense.
TREY: [00:45:16] How do you prepare fish in the morning?
CHELSEY: [00:45:19] Yeah, no.
TREY: [00:45:20] It would be cold. Like how?
CHELSEY: [00:45:22] I don't know. It just, it doesn't make any sense to me. I'm not buying that this place would pre cook their fish and then what microwave it?
TREY: [00:45:32] Yeah. That doesn't make any sense. I feel like this whole review, Is so lacking in value because it's just sort of Craig bragging about his friend.
CHELSEY: [00:45:42] So gross. Like I feel like Craig wrote this review so that on Monday he could like read it to his friends.
TREY: [00:45:51] I mean, I, hear that. I mean, it does feel like who brags about their friends, $2.5 million, anything. I mean, that's just so odd anyway, the spelling and the grammar is actually pretty fantastic. I wonder if Craig was like highly educated aside from being a pilot, which is its own highly education requirements.
CHELSEY: [00:46:10] True. I feel like I'm struggling as a Review Queen with the entertainment value, because I was laughing a lot during this. Cause it was so ridiculous and over the top and crazy, and the details were like wackadoo. And I, like I said, felt like I was on a scavenger hunt trying to figure out what are we, what are we talking about? Like when are we talking about Splash at the Boathouse? Because like I missing it. And so I'm like, do I attribute that entertainment to Craig for entertainment because I was entertained? Or is it that I was entertained because people like Craig exist and would feel the need to write such a novella about absolute nonsense. On Yelp for some person to read and not have any, like, was that why I was laughing? I don't know.
TREY: [00:47:03] Maybe Craig was drunk from the three rounds when they wrote this.
CHELSEY: [00:47:06] I did think that. I did wonder about that. I'm glad you brought that up because I was thinking the same thing. I was like, I wonder if he was like hammered and writing this on the plane ride back.
TREY: [00:47:17] I guess. I just feel like, I don't know.
CHELSEY: [00:47:20] What do you think? Do you feel like we attribute the entertainment to Craig or are we entertained because of the ridiculousness of it?
TREY: [00:47:27] I think it's entertaining because it's ludicrous. Like it doesn't, it's completely invaluable to like, there's, there's nothing going on here, but like someone who's wacky, but like I just instantly am turned off by like the bragging about the wife, bragging about Ticonderoga 2.5 million bragging about how much they drink, bragging about how he landed the plane. It's like, "Go away, like..."
CHELSEY: [00:47:49] bragging about this, what emotional support Chihuahua?
TREY: [00:47:53] But it has nothing to do with the restaurant. Like I think it was a miscommunication from the waiter that was misinterpreted. And I don't believe that Jeff threw up because of information. I mean maybe, but I also think he threw up because he was so loaded.
CHELSEY: [00:48:08] I think it's very obvious.
TREY: [00:48:10] Oh God. A whiskey sour.
CHELSEY: [00:48:11] Ugh! And five in, in how long? 20 minutes? Is that what he said?
TREY: [00:48:16] So gross. I think I could crown this.
CHELSEY: [00:48:18] I think I can crown it too, but before I crown it I just want to make sure that I point out again that Marc is an absolute Review finding Queen regardless of how I should grade Craig N, I feel like I'm so happy that this review was read and I was thoroughly entertained and Marc, just thank you again.
TREY: [00:48:38] Thank you, Marc!
VOICEOVER: [00:48:39] The Queens are Tabulating.
TREY: [00:48:43] Okay. Do you think you're ready?
CHELSEY: [00:48:45] Okay. I'm ready. Are you ready?
TREY: [00:48:47] Oy, I'm ready.
VOICEOVER: [00:48:52] Total Score..
CHELSEY: [00:48:54] Okay. It is unanimous one crown from both of the Queens. I feel like this is an example of like, you know, how everyone in the reality for you is always like, if I could have given this zero crowns, I would, I just feel like I got no information that was pertinent to the restaurant. Like if I read this, I would be entertained and think it was funny, but it wouldn't, it wouldn't inform me whether or not I should eat here, which is why I'm probably going to Yelp in the first place.
TREY: [00:49:19] I mean, I still have the half and my other hand, cause I was debating between one and one and a half and I just went with one because it's, it's just, it's a review of Jeff's successful life. It's not a review of this restaurant.
CHELSEY: [00:49:33] Right.
TREY: [00:49:33] I do know that my friend Marc found this because they were going to this restaurant and it's like It's amazing. So I just think like,
CHELSEY: [00:49:40] Yeah, there's no way from reading this review, I would be like, hell no, I'm not going to that restaurant. No, not impactful.
TREY: [00:49:48] No. I just, the entertainment was also the skeaze factor. So I just gave one, like, I'm sorry to Splash At The Boat House. This is attached to your company.
CHELSEY: [00:50:00] Agreed.
TREY: [00:50:01] Cuz Yeeks!
CHELSEY: [00:50:01] Wow. All right. My Queens, we have reached the most Regal portion of our show. All right. Trey. Who are you inducting for
VOICEOVER: [00:50:11] My Royal Highness.
TREY: [00:50:12] Okay. So my Royal Highness this week is a very, very powerful Hollywood woman, her name is I. Marlene King and she is the creator/showrunner of the hit television show that ran for seven seasons called Pretty Little Liars. I was thoroughly obsessed with this television show. I joined late. So I've binged a lot of it. Pretty Little Liars had some bumps, you know, I. Marlene King is famous for writing the film Now and Then,
CHELSEY: [00:50:45] Oh my God. Wow. What a Queen!
TREY: [00:50:48] And had a meeting and was given the property Pretty Little Liars. It was their first attempt at writing a television show and lasted for seven years. I. Marlene King's intention was for it to run for five. And, uh, they were given a green light for two extra seasons and the show is like a murder mystery and it kept going, it's based on a book series. And so I. Marlene King was tasked with a very difficult situation of making this mystery stretch for that long.
And I think that I. Marlene King gets a lot of, not love in the world because a lot of the fandom of Pretty Little Liars was so verocious. Um, is that the right word?
CHELSEY: [00:51:30] I think so.
TREY: [00:51:31] I don't know. I made it up, um, I think still to this day, it's the number one television series for live tweeting. Like no one has compared to that, but the fans were so into the show that it's really hard to please anyone at that point. And I do think that I. Marlene King was tasked with a very difficult job of keeping these mysteries going for so many years and tying up all the loose ends. I have some, flaws that I have noticed, regardless I am inducting I. Marlene King because she really entertained so many people. She really made it cool to want to investigate dig, find clues, be totally fully invested in storytelling. And so for that reason, I am honoring you, I. Marlene King, as my Royal Highness. Thank you for entertaining. So many people. Myself included.
CHELSEY: [00:52:28] Wow. I had no idea!
TREY: [00:52:30] It might sound silly, but I like love. I even have an, a mug. I did a tour, like I went to Hollywood and did a Warner Brothers Studio Lot Tour, just so that I could get on the Pretty Little Liars set. I sent my headshots in a clear envelope asking casting to see me because I love the show that much. And I signed it. T R dash A Y because they're like they keep getting all these texts from an unknown person. A, I mean, I was that crazy. That crazy. I've loved Pretty Little Liars.
CHELSEY: [00:53:03] I didn't know this about you. I love Now and Then though, so I like, I totally support this nomination.
TREY: [00:53:10] Okay. Enough. What about you? Who are you in ducting for My Royal Highness. Chels?
CHELSEY: [00:53:14] Okay. Well, I am inducting someone that is pretty special to both of us. I'm going to do it, and I'm going to induct Emily Kratter because she deserves it. Emily Kratter is the person that introduced Trey and I, none of this would have been possible without her. She is the biggest cheerleader of both of us. She is the first person to reach out, comment, you know, support us whenever we have a new episode, whenever anything happens, she is the first one to be there. She's so busy and it has so much going on in her life. And yet she still finds the time to compliment us and build us up and let us know that she's just like kvelling. And she's amazing. Also, Emily and I we've been playing phone tag for like 10 years and we do this really fun thing where we'll like pick up the phone, even if we have 30 seconds to talk, just because it's been like so long since we've been playing phone tag. And I just think that says a lot about her and our friendship and our commitment to being friends. So Emily Kratter, I hope you love this because we love you so much. And it is, I mean, it is beyond time that we induct you as Our Royal Highness. I love you, Em.
TREY: [00:54:29] I mean, I fully concur. Yes, she is the female version of a mensh.
She
CHELSEY: [00:54:35] is the biggest, the biggest, the best mensh. I love it. Okay. Well, we did it. We're at the end of this episode,
VOICEOVER: [00:54:44] Listener Voicemail.
CHELSEY: [00:54:45] Oh, stop.
TREY: [00:54:47] Oh my goodness. All right. Today we have a Listener Voicemail that is so extreme that we have to include it in our 10th episode. And here it is, Chelsey. Get ready.
CHELSEY: [00:55:00] I can't wait to hear it. I'm scared.
VOICEOVER: [00:55:01] Hi, this is JoJo calling in with a review from Joshua A of Pieces Bar in New York left on April 6th, 2009.
TREY: [00:55:12] So just for context here, Pieces Bar is a gay bar
CHELSEY: [00:55:17] in the west village.
TREY: [00:55:18] Yes, you got it.
VOICEOVER: [00:55:19] And it reads: Pieces...of broken mirror. Yep. That's what was strewn everywhere as the bouncer pulled the lesbian slash ex-con out of the bar in a headlock and knocked her right into a mirror. And that was really when we knew it was time to leave. Pieces, as made apparent by their logo and uninspired theme night, is the quintessential nineties gay bar being that it's 2009 and the Golden Girls only runs in syndicated reruns, Pieces I would venture to say is less nostalgic than it is tragic. Pushy patrons were so sweet as to help me drench my shirt in my own drink on a few instances. Which was fine, anyway, since my vodka soda may as well have been a glass of water, I think that having an aneurism might be slightly more enjoyable than going to Pieces. At least one of the doctors at the hospital might be hot. Cause you're certainly not going to find anyone mildly attractive here.
TREY: [00:56:14] No.
CHELSEY: [00:56:14] Oh!
VOICEOVER: [00:56:16] Scene!
CHELSEY: [00:56:16] My God!
VOICEOVER: [00:56:17] Do it one more time. So you have a second take
CHELSEY: [00:56:20] JoJo, we've heard it,
TREY: [00:56:22] We love JoJo!
CHELSEY: [00:56:24] JoJo, first of all, you don't need a second take. That was such a good reading. That was amazing. Wow. I'm blown away. We have the best listeners.
TREY: [00:56:34] I mean, that is a review from 2009! JoJo, have you just been sitting on this review and now you have the opportunity to share with the world? I have been to Pieces and, and it's just, you know, it is what it is. It's like, you go there and you get a drink and it's like, of course that's water down. That's like any bar you go to.
CHELSEY: [00:56:53] It's true, but also like high points on that review for entertainment. Like I was thoroughly taken on a journey, entertained lots of imagery, the picture of what a lesbian being thrown into a lesbian ex con being thrown into a mirror.
TREY: [00:57:12] I also love Joshua, the reviewers, storytelling of the patrons were so nice to drench my shirt. Oh my God. Hilarious.
CHELSEY: [00:57:21] So funny.
TREY: [00:57:22] Thank you, Joshua. Thank you Jojo for bringing this.
CHELSEY: [00:57:26] What a queen. And also like, I think I would crown Joshua pretty high. Should we crown Joshua?
TREY: [00:57:33] Yeah, let's do it.
VOICEOVER: [00:57:38] Total Score.
CHELSEY: [00:57:40] Yeah. Same. Unanimous four crowns. I had just took away one crown. Cause like you said, like this is like kind of a like dive. I don't know. Our expectations should be pretty low. If we go to this bar, we know why we're there, but high, high points on everything else, like entertained, totally believing that this is the experience.
TREY: [00:57:58] I took one crown away because I didn't really like the low blow of saying that no one that works there is hot. That's sort of like unnecessary doesn't have anything to do with like working, I guess. Well, I guess sometimes gay bars, bartenders have their very muscular shirtless servers, but yeah, I don't think that
CHELSEY: [00:58:14] Don't think that's the M.O. at Pieces though.
TREY: [00:58:17] No, no, but I, um, I do think that the chances of, um, like lesbian ex-con getting into a fight are pretty high at Pieces and that is why we love Pieces.
CHELSEY: [00:58:27] I love it. And that is why we love. Jojo,
TREY: [00:58:31] Jojo, you get five crowns, Jojo.
CHELSEY: [00:58:33] Jojo gets five crowns without a doubt. Ugh, if you don't have an agent already, we gotta sign you. That was a great reading.
TREY: [00:58:39] And, Jojo was going to give us a second read, cuz JoJo's a Pro. So you know what? Kudos to Jojo. Okay, well, queen we did it. That's another round in the ear hole.
CHELSEY: [00:58:50] I hate when you say that!
TREY: [00:58:51] I hate it too.
CHELSEY: [00:58:52] We gotta think of a new one. Okay. Thank you guys so much for joining us today. If you like, what you heard, please tell a friend.
TREY: [00:58:59] If you didn't like what you heard, please tell an enemy. If you want to be like Queen JoJo, hit up our voicemail box y'all it's 1-850-REVIEW-0. You can read us a review just like Jojo, or you can lodge your own complaint. Or I really would love if people would start calling in and leaving voicemails where they induct someone from their life, for My Royal Highness,
CHELSEY: [00:59:22] You can follow us if you'd like, or if you would please @TheReviewQueens. and I'm @ChelseyBD begrudgingly.
TREY: [00:59:30] And I do want to just clarify Chelsey spells her name. C H E L S E Y.
CHELSEY: [00:59:35] Correct.
TREY: [00:59:37] And I'm @TreyGerrald with two RS. Okay. You know, we have weird family members apparently. Anyway, please become a member of the Royal Court by joining our Patreon at patreon.com/reviewthatreview, you can also watch the live clips from every recording session for free on YouTube. Please go subscribe and watch
CHELSEY: [00:59:59] Yes and remember, ignore the haters. You're a queen!
TREY: [01:00:04] Gender non-specific queen.
CHELSEY: [01:00:05] Obviously! Bye!
TREY: [01:00:08] Watch out for broken mirror shards everywhere!
CHELSEY: [01:00:11] And lesbian ex-cons!
Review That Review is an independent podcast. Certain names have been redacted or changed to protect the guilty. Executive produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound designed by me with voiceover talents by Eva Kaminsky. Our cover art was designed by LogoVora and our theme song was written by Joe Kinosian and sung by Natalie Weiss.
CHELSEY: [01:00:30] Love it. Bye.
TREY: [01:00:31] Bye!
Photo by Girl with red hat on Unsplash