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TRANSCRIPT of Episode 18: "Artificial Grass Urine Spray / OKCupid"

Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald
Episode 18: "Artificial Grass Urine Spray / OKCupid"


THEME SONG: [00:00:00] Everybody's got an opinion.

Every Californian and Virginian.

It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.

Someone's gotta settle the score.

Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!

Whose views win, which ones lose.

Online haters are comin' for you!

Baby, it's time to Review That Review!

[00:00:00] CHELSEY: Hey!

[00:00:31] TREY: Hello? Hello. Hello. Welcome to Review That Review. The podcast dedicated to reviewing..

[00:00:38] CHELSEY: Reviews! We're just like Siskel and Ebert only instead of being two older white men we're us. And instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we rate and review those hilarious, scathing, and sometimes suspishous online reviews.

[00:00:53] TREY: I was wondering where you were going with that. That's Chelsey Donn!

[00:00:57] CHELSEY: And that's Trey Gerrald!

[00:00:59] TREY: And together, we aren't crotchety old white men from Chicago, and some other town, that sit On the Aisle. We are..

[00:01:06] VOICEOVER: The Review Queens.

[00:01:10] TREY: Hey Review Queen, how you doing?

[00:01:12] CHELSEY: I'm good. I think that's so accurate that they sit on the aisle. That's true. I like that as a character description in general!

[00:01:20] TREY: I know it was all very punny, and appropriate.

[00:01:22] CHELSEY: It was very punny. And I think as an adult, I'm just realizing that anyway, you got to be there with me for that realization. I'm great. I had a mani-pedi for the first time in a very, very, very, very long time. And I knew it was going to change my life and just make me feel happier and better. And that's why I did it. And it delivered, I feel so much better.

[00:01:44] TREY: What color?

[00:01:45] CHELSEY: I decided to go with lavender!

[00:01:48] TREY: Oh yes! Like our photo shoot.

[00:01:50] CHELSEY: It's true. It's just like the photo shoot. I also just really like a purple you're mostly gonna find me in a purple. Do you ever put a color on the nail? How do you feel about that?

[00:01:59] TREY: I, you know, I did do a play in Key West several years ago where I played a drag queen and, I had Christmas red gel manicures, and I was so self-conscious and Key West is.

[00:02:12] CHELSEY: Really?

[00:02:12] TREY: Oh, yeah. Key West is very open and lovely. I mean, they're like everything exists in Key West. There's like people that maybe aren't so open-minded because it is Florida still, but then it is Key West, which is like so fun.

[00:02:25] CHELSEY: We have the full spectrum.

[00:02:26] TREY: Yes. And their motto is One Human Family. So they do all exist together and that's lovely. So it's like whatever, but red is a shocking color, but it is trendy now for boys to have their nails colored, without it being anything tied to. Uh, sexuality, I've toyed, I've thought about it, but

[00:02:42] CHELSEY: I'm here for it.

[00:02:44] TREY: David's dad gets, clear polish, which I think is really cute.

[00:02:47] CHELSEY: Yeah, my dad gets manicures too. And he just says, I think just like Buff em, you know, no polish at all on his, manicures, but I think it's nice that men are opening up to the idea of doing it. I really truthfully believe you just feel better after you get a mani pedi! It's like, there's like a magical, it's like getting on, um, like the Magic School Bus. What was her name? Miss...?

[00:03:11] TREY: Miss Frizzle!

[00:03:12] CHELSEY: Miss Frizzle! You know, the manicurists. They take me somewhere better.

[00:03:16] TREY: Well, shall we get into some real trauma that you and I are each going through every day,

[00:03:19] CHELSEY: I think we should. I need this.

[00:03:22] VOICEOVER: Lodge A Complaint!

[00:03:23] TREY: I had to Google how to pronounce it.

[00:03:25] CHELSEY: Okay.

[00:03:26] TREY: Capcha.

[00:03:27] CHELSEY: Cap.. well ugh! God! Captcha. Don't even get me started! I, I, I...

[00:03:30] TREY: You know what it is!

[00:03:31] CHELSEY: Yes, of course I, is it reCaptcha or Captcha, but either way. It's horrible.

[00:03:35] TREY: Okay. That was another question because I wasn't sure what the difference is.

[00:03:39] CHELSEY: Right?

[00:03:39] TREY: Okay. So anyone who isn't understanding and is thinking that I'm saying ketchup. Captcha or reCaptcha is like that computer software. That's trying to prove if you are a human or a robot, anytime you're trying to go into something on the internet, it makes me crazy. I remember the old days of like AOL, when it was like typing this word that has a bunch of lines through it, and you're like 9 7 that a zero or is it a oh? And now it's all these pictures, like we're playing Pictionary and it's like your memory. You're trying to figure out which one is a hydrant, which one has bicycles. There are so many times when I get anxious where it's like click all the boxes that have a crosswalk and there'll be like a tiny little like millimeter of I don't know if you've noticed now they start saying, 'keep eliminating until there are no remaining images of a fire hydrant.' So you click the fire hydrant and insulate becomes a different image. Sometimes it's another fire hydrant and it's like all of this so that I can buy dog food. Like what in the world?! Captcha is insane. Are robots, is this really happening? Like robots are trying to log into Amazon. Maybe, I mean, I don't know, but like I hate Captcha reCaptcha. I'm all for privacy and security, but like, can it just be a little more straight forward? Do they have to be really blurry? Ultra zoomed in pictures of like highways. Like, why can't it just be clear? Why are the pictures fuzzy?

[00:05:10] CHELSEY: I I'm with you.

[00:05:11] TREY: God. I hate it.

[00:05:12] CHELSEY: I, I'm going to tell you something now that's going to make you even more angry.

[00:05:17] TREY: What?

[00:05:17] CHELSEY: So someone that I know, I cannot remember when or how I figured this or found this out. I think she works in tech or something. She told me that not only are they doing that to us, but we're actually working for them when we're doing it because they are using our answers that we're doing in terms of like, is this a hydrant? Is this a bridge? Is this.. They're using us to collect data about those images.

[00:05:44] TREY: To what end?

[00:05:45] CHELSEY: to use for, I think like image recognition, software that they're developing, or like set, like basically we are part of a science experiment. And our role in that experiment is that we must say, where is a fire hydrant so that eventually a robot can recognize where a fire hydrant is. So we are actually employees. When we're completing this Captcha. So not only do you need to do something that is quite annoying, you're actually an intern. You are an unpaid intern.

[00:06:18] TREY: Oh, I've been an intern more times than I want to be, but it is interesting. We're literally doing the thing that the thing is meant to be withholding.

[00:06:26] CHELSEY: Exactly.

[00:06:27] TREY: I would rather do the number digits with the line through the scratches than the pictures, because the pictures are so hard to decipher.

[00:06:33] CHELSEY: Yeah, but the robots can do it now. The robots can do the nine X two five one.

[00:06:37] TREY: So what is it going to be next? It's going to be like, which one is a brownie or like which one is green?

[00:06:44] CHELSEY: Correct. It's going to get harder. They're going to make it harder for us. We're going to have to work harder just to buy a bag of dog food. Unbelievable.

[00:06:51] TREY: I hate it. That's my complaint.

[00:06:53] CHELSEY: Such a good complaint. Admittedly was on my list as well. Love it. Yes.

[00:06:59] TREY: All right. What about you? What is your complaint for today?

[00:07:01] CHELSEY: Okay. My complaint for today is pumps. Like anything with a pump. Now say, stay with me, stay with me. I'm talking like soap. I'm talking. Bodywash I'm talking lotion. I'm talking. Yes. Now here's why I love a pump. Pumps make life much easier. However, I find that across the board, no matter what product I buy that has a pump function. When I am about a third of the bottle left, the pump stops working.

[00:07:33] TREY: Right.

[00:07:33] CHELSEY: And then I gotta take... If it's makeup, you got to take off the top. And then I'm for a while I'm using the makeup product. There's still plenty of makeup in there, but I'm now scooping it up with the stem of the pump and putting it on my face. Like that way. Same thing with like lotion or soap. What is this? What's happening with the pump. I've tried to like rinse it off and declog it. Cause sometimes I've read that. They say it's my fault because I'm gross and clog. I clogged it. I don't know... where it just clogs, but I've tried to unclog it. And the problem usually persists. Do you have this problem?

[00:08:13] TREY: Yes. And I once saw, and ordered off of Shark Tank. It's called the Spatty Daddy.

[00:08:19] CHELSEY: Yes! Spatty Daddy's great. But like, yeah, to get the very end of the inside of the thing, I thought...

[00:08:25] TREY: They have the little teeny one.

[00:08:27] CHELSEY: Yes, that is good. But..

[00:08:29] TREY: But why do we have to have the product?

[00:08:31] CHELSEY: Why do we need the product? Like, why do I have to take off the top, buy a Spatty Daddy? It's just, it's ridiculous. Why have we not found a way to have a pump that just doesn't get clogged? And what is it is that there's not enough of the product in the bottle to help with gravity? I don't know.

[00:08:52] TREY: Yeah, that's my question. I wonder if it's gravity that..

[00:08:55] CHELSEY: Is it gravity?

[00:08:56] TREY: ...the suction or something.

[00:08:57] CHELSEY: Because I have a lot of beef with gravity, you know what I mean? So like that could be a whole nother complaint, but the point is it sucks. It's annoying.

[00:09:06] TREY: I think that like, if our podcast had a sub Reddit, it would just be like inventions.

[00:09:11] CHELSEY: Yes!

[00:09:12] TREY: Well, very valuable complaint. I thoroughly recognize that pain and trauma. Hopefully there will be a solution, uh, by this time next year.

[00:09:22] CHELSEY: I sure hope so.

[00:09:24] TREY: All right. Should we do the thing? Should we jump into some online reviews,

[00:09:28] CHELSEY: Please!

[00:09:30] VOICEOVER: Assess That Kvetch!

[00:09:32] TREY: Chelsey girl, you're first, today!

[00:09:35] CHELSEY: I am!

[00:09:36] TREY: Take it away. RQ

[00:09:40] VOICEOVER: Review That Review.

[00:09:44] CHELSEY: Okay. So today I have an Amazon one-star review written by Kit-Kat, like the candy, and it is for a artificial grass urine odor removal spray. Okay. I looked this up for personal use and I found Kit-Kats review and it felt a little suspish... And so I want us to examine it together. Here we go. The title is save your money. Go look at Scout's Honor instead, dot dot dot the stain and odor remover one, it works. Okay?

[00:10:28] CHELSEY: I absolutely dislike this product. I've been using Scout's Honor for over six months now. And the price had increased considerably. $50 a gallon. So I started searching for an alternative. I've got a very smelly beagle whose urine smells like the worst fish ever, and believe me, I researched for over a week on Amazon reading review after review to make sure that what I got would kind of work. Plus the hubby, makes sure we don't buy aimless things just to test them out. Well upon delivery, my hubby mixed a 32 ounce spray bottle up and tested it out on our outdoor patio. Almost immediately, I understood what the other reviewers were talking about and how the perfume smell was just overpowering. And I wear perfume every day. So it's not like I'm sensitive to odors. Not only did her pee smell still stink. It was now masked with some kind of perfume that a 70-year-old might wear. I'm not a quitter so I've been using it on the daily, even washing it down with water at the end of the night. And still the same smell. Like it's honestly just grain, perfume, coverup. I'm so sad that I did get what I paid for and I will be going back to Scout's Honor. If I hadn't purchased straight from their site, I would direct you to my review of them on Amazon. But don't take my word for it. Go look at the Scout's Honor reviews. I've begged my hubby to return it, but he's just as stubborn as I am and keeps using it every day, in case it helps. But it's been over three weeks and it should have worked from day one. I wish I could give it no stars, but I can't. I feel almost bad writing this review. But when something like urine is wafting into your home, thinking that you've spent a good amount of money on something that should kind of work doesn't. So for the past three days, I've been sprinkling baking soda and using a vinegar wash to hose it all down. And it's finally gotten rid of the perfume urine smell because what I bought, just masked it all up again.

[00:13:09] TREY: Wow. Kit-Kat okay.

[00:13:11] CHELSEY: Kit-Kat!

[00:13:12] TREY: Wait, I wrote down a bunch of contradictions in this review.

[00:13:16] CHELSEY: Yes. So many.

[00:13:17] TREY: Kit-Kat says that the hubby won't let them just buy things to test them out. And literally the next sentence says, 'so we bought it and my husband mixed the thing...

[00:13:24] CHELSEY: hubby tested it out...

[00:13:25] TREY: ...and the hubby tested it out. Kit-Kat starts the review saying like my beagles pee smells like fish. And then later is like the odor I wear perfume. I'm not sensitive to odors, but they've literally described the odor of the dog's pee as fish. Why does the phrase hubby annoy me so much.

[00:13:47] CHELSEY: It annoys me too. I don't know. There's something about, it's just gross. It's just gross. And also somebody that's going to write hubby. I don't know. I have so many thoughts.

[00:13:57] TREY: That's what it's like. It's not the word hubby, but someone being 'my hubby!'

[00:14:02] CHELSEY: Right. Exactly. Like using it three times in the review is sus. Like I, I found this review in general just to be very sus that's why I brought it in because we always talk about, you know, bringing in suspicious reviews. And I don't think I've, brought one in, in a while that I was explicitly like, this is suspicious. Because this was kind of a no brand product. It literally was the name of the product was like dog urine scent removal spray. Like you know how like on Amazon now it's, it's become a popular trend for products to literally just be titled what they are. So that was an example of what we were dealing with with this product. So the fact that Kit-Kat mentioned this other brand Scout's Honor in their review so many times, I mean, like, I don't know if she was trying to help out Scout's Honor SEO or something, but she mentioned it several times And it's even in the title of the review that she wrote. And that was the first thing that made me feel like this is suspicious to me.

[00:15:04] TREY: Oh, literally my eyebrows, like crinkled because I was like, oh, this is like a plant for Scout's Honor. but no, because the first like three sentences, it's like, they doubled their price by 50% or something. So I was like, oh, so I guess they're not for Scout...

[00:15:19] CHELSEY: It was very interesting to me because it was like, the amount of times it said the other product made it seem like at very least, they're like second cousin was the person that owned this company. Right? Like they had some relation. That's how it felt to me. But then the review itself was very specific. We know she has a beagle. We know the beagle's urine smells like, we know that she thinks that smells like a seventy-year-olds perfume. We know about some sort of weird dynamic between her and her husband, where he must really wear the pants in regards to certain things cause they have to just use this product until it's down to the last drop. even when the pump starts working, they're going to get us, they're going to get a...

[00:16:02] TREY: Spatty Daddy.

[00:16:03] CHELSEY: Spatty Daddy, and they're going to get the last little drop that they can from this, even though they're so offended by the smell, just because the husband is like, we will not waste this. Which, I mean, good. We shouldn't be wasting, but we learned a lot about her. That was so specific that it made it seem authentic, but the, the product placement of this Scout's Honor, it really rubbed me the wrong way.

[00:16:27] TREY: Well, I thought maybe it is an ad for Scout's Honor because Kit-Kat makes a point to say, I did get what I paid for which sort of tosses the whole like story into like, oh, well the price of Scout's Honor is so high because it actually works. But I actually think that Kit-Kat's last name is Hammer, and this is an ad for Arm & Hammer's baking soda because in the review Kit-Kat says, if you mix baking soda with vinegar or whatever, it takes away that I've never heard this,

[00:16:56] CHELSEY: I have heard this.

[00:16:57] TREY: Does it work?

[00:16:59] CHELSEY: I haven't tried it. I was admittedly looking at this product because I recently purchased artificial grass and I want to get ahead of any sort of possible issue. But in my research of the products, I did come across a lot of people that were like, just use vinegar and baking soda. So I think it is sort of a known thing amongst people that have artificial grass.

[00:17:20] TREY: Oh, this was specifically for artificial grass urine cleaner.

[00:17:25] CHELSEY: Yes.

[00:17:26] TREY: Okay. Right. I forgot that part.

[00:17:27] CHELSEY: Yeah. So it attaches to the hose basically.

[00:17:32] TREY: Right. Hence the husband mixing the water with the.

[00:17:36] CHELSEY: Yeah.

[00:17:37] TREY: Oh, I am curious. What is Kit-Kats spelling like? Are there issues?

[00:17:41] CHELSEY: I had no issues. I think that they might it's quite possible that Kit-Kat as a teacher, I thought it was very well-written. All the grammar was, was very well done. I didn't stumble over any of the words.

[00:17:52] TREY: I wonder if this is a product that's like now in White Diamonds scent?

[00:17:58] CHELSEY: Hmm.

[00:17:58] TREY: Did you get that reference?

[00:18:00] CHELSEY: No.

[00:18:01] TREY: Elizabeth Taylor commercials, "Here, these always brought me luck!" And she throws her White Diamonds 70 year old perfume.

[00:18:07] CHELSEY: That's right. Oh, that's right.

[00:18:08] TREY: It seems that Kit-Kat really experienced this overwhelming scent that it didn't kill the urine. It just covered it. So I wonder. I don't know. I I'm having a hard time with this because I can't tell. I mean, it does make me think. I need to try Scout's Honor.

[00:18:26] CHELSEY: Right. That's the thing. And that's what I was going to say. Like, what's the value of this review, because for me, it did sort of turn me off from buying this product, even though there were a lot of other five-star reviews, I'll be honest. Some of the five-star reviews that I read for this product, they seem like they might've been bots.

[00:18:44] TREY: Oooh!

[00:18:45] CHELSEY: Because there were little phrases that were just not quite right. and that made it seem bot-like. 'Product so good.' 'My life now changed because.'

[00:18:57] TREY: 'Excellent product had great experience.' Right.

[00:19:00] CHELSEY: Yeah. Like that kind of stuff. And I was like, this seems fake, so when I read this, I did say, I'm going to pump the brakes on this and not commit to this product. So, If I'm going to give Kit-Kat credit at all, it did make me pause about whether or not I wanted to, wanted to move forward.

[00:19:17] TREY: Yeah. I could see myself. There's a company that's like a urine destroying product that I think is like the most superior. And I recently purchased like a different version on Amazon and it just isn't as good. So I could see..

[00:19:32] CHELSEY: So do you think you would go in the reviews?

[00:19:34] TREY: I mean, I could see if this is real.

[00:19:37] CHELSEY: Sure.

[00:19:38] TREY: That I could. I mean, I get the point of like, I really tried to get a cheaper product and like, it isn't working. And so like, if you're here reading the reviews, you know, my recommendation is like this other product is better, but it does feel placementy.

[00:19:52] CHELSEY: I mean, I almost like wish that she would have taken a moment just to say, listen, I am, I do not work for Scout's Honor. Like she did actually they'll have the one line in there that she said. I'm taking that back. Cause she had one line in here where she said she wished she could, she could direct you to her Amazon review, but she didn't write one. So like go ahead and look and see for yourself what other people are writing in their reviews.

[00:20:15] TREY: Yeah, I do feel like there is an impact here for me. I would imagine this product would have a strong perfume odor that isn't actually addressing the problem.

[00:20:26] CHELSEY: Right.

[00:20:26] TREY: It does make me feel like I don't want to buy this product, which is interesting.

[00:20:29] CHELSEY: Exactly. So it did have an impact. So that's the only thing that, um, you know, I'm leaning towards Kit-Kat for, but definitely my suspicious radar was going off for Kat. Are we ready to crown this do we think?

[00:20:42] TREY: I think so.

[00:20:43] CHELSEY: Okay. Let's do it.

[00:20:46] VOICEOVER: The Queens are Tabulating,

[00:20:48] TREY: Alright, you ready?

[00:20:49] CHELSEY: I am ready.

[00:20:54] VOICEOVER: Total score.

[00:20:57] CHELSEY: All right. So Trey is holding up three crowns. I'm holding up two and a half crowns. Trey, let us know why you picked three crowns.

[00:21:04] TREY: I picked three because it really took me on a journey. At first, I thought this was going to be like a fake placement ad. I'm unable to decide if it is or isn't. I do have an impact that I feel like I should just look for a different product because I'm not trying to buy like urine perfume. I'm trying to buy like a urine destroyer. So ultimately all of that, I think washes out for me that like, it should just be middle of the road. I don't know. What about you? Why did you do two and a half?

[00:21:32] CHELSEY: I took off a half point, cause I felt like TMI about the dynamic with the husband. I don't want to feel bad for you and be questioning whether or not you have marital issues when I'm reading a review for urine odor remover. I'm sorry, maybe that was a little bit harsh. I hope you're okay. If you're listening to this, I hope everything is good with you and your husband. Kit-Kat okay. Um, no, I, I, I gave it a two and a half purely because I did pause and not buy the product and she had excellent spelling and grammar. I'm assuming the Kit-Kats a woman. I shouldn't be, maybe Kit-Kats a man. Anyway, that was why I gave it the two and a half. I'm still a little bit suspishous. I'll be honest.

[00:22:12] TREY: Yeah, I am too. I can't put my finger on what I think the truth is.

[00:22:15] CHELSEY: So there we go.

[00:22:16] TREY: Good job. Fun Review.

[00:22:18] CHELSEY: Thank you. All right. Okay. That was fun. Let's take a quick break though. And when we come back, we can get into RQ T's review. I can't wait.

[00:22:28] TREY: Oooh. Love it. I got to stretch for this one.

[00:22:34] VOICEOVER: Hold your crown. We'll be right back.

[00:22:37] CHELSEY: That was a good stretch.

[00:22:49] CHELSEY: It was

[00:23:04] TREY: All right. It's One-Star-Zinger time. And it's time Chelsey to jump on the Meryl-Go-Round!

[00:23:15] VOICEOVER: I don't feel like an icon. Most of the days, I feel like 'I can't!' That's with an,. A'..

[00:23:25] CHELSEY: I gotta be honest. I missed the 'wer-a-wer-a' or whatever you used to do at the top. There we go. I feel better now. Okay. Trey and I have each pick a rotten scathing, pithy One-Star-Zinger and with 30 seconds on the clock, we'll each try to recite our zinger in as many genres as possible.

[00:23:42] TREY: Just like clean Meryl, who does it all.

[00:23:44] CHELSEY: And it's true before the clock runs out. Okay. Trey. Tell us. What's your One-Star-Zinger?

[00:23:50] TREY: Okay. Today I have a One-Star-Zinger from for mini hand clappers 12 count.

[00:23:58] CHELSEY: Oh like.. Like those things you wick out. Yeah yeah yeah.

[00:24:01] TREY: They're like mini hand clappers. Okay. This review is from 12 days ago.

[00:24:06] CHELSEY: Oh, wow. Okay. Real time. What's their...what's their name?

[00:24:10] TREY: You don't have names on Party City.

[00:24:12] CHELSEY: Oh. That's unfortunate.

[00:24:13] TREY: I know. It's very sad, but I have been adding a bunch of them to my arsenal because they're really funny.

[00:24:19] CHELSEY: Oh, they're good? Okay, great.

[00:24:20] TREY: Okay. So the subject is, 'didn't clap. The review is, 'these were a joke. Didn't even clap.'

[00:24:31] CHELSEY: Great. I love it. I'm glad you picked a little bit of a longer one because mine's a little bit longer too, but they are a joke if they don't clap. What else do they do?

[00:24:39] TREY: Party City has like a button and I'm assuming you select from them, but this one says bottom line. No, I would not recommend to a friend.

[00:24:50] CHELSEY: I wouldn't recommend it either. Okay, Trey. Are you ready?

[00:24:54] TREY: What am I strapped in on?

[00:24:56] CHELSEY: Oh my God. I should really be more prepared with this. Okay. Let's go Avant Guard. You're strapped into like, um, a Starbucks cup.

[00:25:04] TREY: Ooh, can I be an iced Starbucks cup?

[00:25:07] CHELSEY: Yes! Of course.

[00:25:09] TREY: It's so chilly in here.

[00:25:11] CHELSEY: All right, get ready. Here we go.

[00:25:15] VOICEOVER: 3, 2, 1, GO

[00:25:20] VOICEOVER: This is what a job dad, and even

[00:25:23] VOICEOVER: clap ladies.

[00:25:26] VOICEOVER: We're a joke that they would slap

[00:25:29] VOICEOVER: sports. Announcer

[00:25:32] VOICEOVER: didn't even clap.

[00:25:35] VOICEOVER: TLC reality,

[00:25:40] VOICEOVER: Yankee

[00:25:43] VOICEOVER: dog dominant. Nope. We're a joke. They didn't even cloud.

[00:25:49] CHELSEY: Oh my God.

[00:25:50] VOICEOVER: That's all!

[00:25:51] CHELSEY: I feel like you were serving me Little Edie in that Yankee and I approve!

[00:25:56] TREY: I was very like, um, country in all of those.

[00:25:58] CHELSEY: Oh my God. That was so great. Okay. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Good job, Trey! And by the way, you've been like killing it lately. I feel like you've won the last, like several rounds. Just saying. Lovely. Okay. You could say, excuse me!

[00:26:16] TREY: I'm just full of gas, Chelsey. What is your One-Star-Zinger for today?

[00:26:21] CHELSEY: For today.. Also? Sorry, just cause you said full of gas. That is like the perfect segue to say. I have a Patreon Exclusive story coming later in this episode. So only if you're on Patreon, will you get to hear this gas story. And I will say no more. Okay. And my zinger's from Sephora, it is for an eyeliner pencil to go. It is written by Megan 6 5 7 E 6 8 0. A lot of numbers there Megan657E680. The subject is, 'crap.' The review is, 'the pencil is such garbage. LOL. It shattered in my sharper.'

[00:27:11] TREY: Okay.

[00:27:13] CHELSEY: That's it. It shattered in Meghan's sharpener.

[00:27:17] TREY: All right. You're strapped in on a donut hole.

[00:27:21] TREY: Yes! Love that!

[00:27:22] VOICEOVER: 3, 2, 1, GO!

[00:27:26] VOICEOVER: Disney, such

[00:27:29] VOICEOVER: garbage Allah allow it shattered in my sharp

[00:27:34] VOICEOVER: Shakespeare.

[00:27:36] VOICEOVER: Pencils, such garbage.

[00:27:39] VOICEOVER: It shattered my shot.

[00:27:42] VOICEOVER: Superhero, a pencil,

[00:27:44] VOICEOVER: such garbage

[00:27:50] VOICEOVER: magic show

[00:27:51] VOICEOVER: pencils,

[00:27:52] VOICEOVER: garbage, it shattered my shot.

[00:27:55] TREY: The hands!

[00:27:58] VOICEOVER: That's all.

[00:27:58] CHELSEY: I have to do the hands!

[00:28:00] TREY: It's so like earnest.

[00:28:01] CHELSEY: I have to! Oh, my goodness. I think you might've won. I feel like you're winning streak continues,

[00:28:08] TREY: But only by one, you got four of my friend.

[00:28:10] CHELSEY: I know. It was long, it was long. Good Job, Trey.

[00:28:14] TREY: Thank you. Thank you.

[00:28:16] CHELSEY: I got to practice. I think you've really been pulling ahead lately.

[00:28:20] TREY: That was fun.

[00:28:21] CHELSEY: That was fun. Let's go back to it.

[00:28:25] VOICEOVER: Review That Review.

[00:28:29] CHELSEY: All right. We are back from that game break. And it's your turn Trey! Where is your review from this week?

[00:28:37] TREY: All right. I changed this review last minute. I found this before we started the podcast and have been sitting on it. So I'm lifting it from my seat. And here we go. This is a one star review from TrustPilot for the dating website, OKCupid. This review is from Robert C and Robert C's subject is, 'nothing but 30 plus year old, delusional dot dot dot.' I think they just make the first part of the first sentence the subject.

[00:29:15] CHELSEY: Oh yes.

[00:29:15] TREY: Okay. Nothing, but 30 plus year old delusional women who still think they have value after they have been riding the C carousel, their entire life. Now, all of a sudden at age 45, they want to act all pristine. Like they are born again virgins. Same ol', same ol' dot dot dot. Nothing but a laundry list of quote unquote expectations and quote unquote requirements yet they still believe they will find their quote unquote, true love and Prince Charming Simp. Do yourself a favor men, and go MGTOW. And better yourself, physically and financially and leave women out of the equation. These women have nothing to offer you guys except being their little quote unquote play thing. When they get bored, while they suck out all of your time and finances with dates and trips, let them wallow in their own self pity because women are not women anymore.

[00:30:29] CHELSEY: Uhhhh! Sorry.

[00:30:31] TREY: They certainly don't act like it. But Hey, if you want an over tattooed self-entitled princess, that looks like a busted Pillsbury biscuit can with two kids that aren't yours. Go right ahead.

[00:30:53] CHELSEY: I am so mad. First of all, I am swiping all the way left on Robert C! Ugh!

[00:31:04] TREY: What the...

[00:31:06] CHELSEY: Okay. First of all!

[00:31:07] TREY: Wait. Yeah. Go!

[00:31:08] CHELSEY: What is MGTO...? What is that?

[00:31:12] TREY: I was just...I don't know! I was just going to ask you!

[00:31:14] CHELSEY: What is it?

[00:31:15] TREY: Do yourself a favor, men and go MGTOW. All caps go....

[00:31:22] CHELSEY: It has to mean something. M G T O W?

[00:31:27] TREY: I'm going to look it up.

[00:31:28] CHELSEY: We gotta. I gotta know.

[00:31:29] TREY: M G T O W Meaning..

[00:31:31] CHELSEY: It's gotta be an acronym.

[00:31:33] TREY: Oh yeah. Meaning what is it? Men going their own way. The rise of toxic male. It's a Guardian article. Is the first, the first result as a guardian article, men going their own way. The rise of a toxic male.

[00:31:48] CHELSEY: I mean, he, Robert... Rob... Oh my God. Robert C, you are toxic and not in like a cute Britney Spears way. Free Britney. Anyway, what is happening? I feel personally attacked by Robert.

[00:32:03] TREY: What is Prince Charming Simp?

[00:32:06] CHELSEY: Oh, do you know what a simp is?

[00:32:09] TREY: No.

[00:32:10] CHELSEY: I think a simp is like a guy that will do anything for a woman. Like kind of like cuckold. I want to say.

[00:32:17] TREY: A slang insult for men who are seen as too attentive and submissive to women.

[00:32:21] CHELSEY: Yeah, so like cuckold, you know, like that kind of... I mean, it just sounds like Robert C is not accepting the fact that he has a really shitty personality and nobody wants to go out on more than a few dates with him because he probably scares them away with his crazy and his judgments. Robert I'm judging you and I can't even help it. I'm so mad.

[00:32:45] TREY: What do you even imagine Robert C's OkCupid profile is like?

[00:32:49] CHELSEY: Uh, just gross. I feel like Robert C I don't... I had a vision of him with a bunny. I don't know why I had a vision of him with, as, like a bunny guy, but...

[00:32:58] TREY: A dead bunny!

[00:32:59] CHELSEY: Yes!

[00:32:59] TREY: That he's shot with his riffles?

[00:33:01] CHELSEY: Yes. Exactly. That's how I picture Robert C like showing off like an animal than he's just killed.

[00:33:08] TREY: It is very interesting to me throughout this review. Robert uses a lot of capitalization. Every time, it's men it's in capital M every time it's woman, it's capital w.

[00:33:21] CHELSEY: Hmmm.

[00:33:22] TREY: Prince Charming Simp, all capitalized. Pillsbury Biscuit Can all capitalized.

[00:33:27] CHELSEY: Screw that. Screw that line. That, that line about the Pillsbury biscuit made me so mad.

[00:33:35] TREY: What do you think Robert's body type is?

[00:33:37] CHELSEY: Not good.

[00:33:39] TREY: Yeah, I don't imagine that either.

[00:33:41] CHELSEY: I don't think he, I think he does not. I think he's not a fit guy and I think he's gross and I wouldn't trust Robert's review on Trustpilot because I don't think his experience is anywhere indicative of what other people can experience, because I think he's just a bad person.

[00:34:01] TREY: I, when I was reading this, I was reminded of our episode where you, your first comment of the review, it was for Also Trustpilot this is just so telling about how Robert C. views the world.

[00:34:15] CHELSEY: Sees the world. Oh my God. Yeah. He has such issues with women. It's like screaming off the page in a way that is really, like, take it up in therapy Robert C, I know you don't believe in therapy, but if you did, you'd take it up in therapy because you got some issues, my friend.

[00:34:32] TREY: What do you think 'women are not women anymore' ..What do you think he means by that?

[00:34:36] CHELSEY: I think that he means that women are not submissive and women are not just like in the kitchen. Like what can I make you for breakfast, honey? Do you want me to massage your feet?

[00:34:47] TREY: Well, that's, that's what I was imagining as well. But if you go down this prince charming simp analogy, Prince charming's wife is Cinderella and she was like the most domesticated princess there ever was.

[00:34:59] CHELSEY: That's speaking to more of an overarching patriarchy, right. That we deal with. And that we're, we're all working on removing that narrative that we were given as children of hoping that we get a prince charming who can save us while we sweep in the corners.

[00:35:14] TREY: There are so many gems in this, like riding the C Carousel.

[00:35:19] CHELSEY: Yeah. What? What does that mean?

[00:35:20] TREY: I never heard that phrase.

[00:35:21] CHELSEY: What does the C carousel mean? What are you saying, Robert? That it's just like your, like, that you're a C? Is he say, I took it when he first said it as like, you know, when you say to someone like you're a five or you're a four, I mean, not that I would ever say that, but I think that that's what he was saying. Like, you are far from top tier my friend.

[00:35:41] TREY: Correct. But my thought about C carousel is like the baggage carousel at an airport. There's no difference between the A carousel or the C carousel. Like I think the point here is like, you're either.

[00:35:52] CHELSEY: You think that's what he meant?

[00:35:53] TREY: No, I think what he meant is what you're saying. It's like this number scale, like we have this, like you're a nine or you're a two.

[00:35:59] CHELSEY: Right. Exactly.

[00:36:00] TREY: But the C lettering roster doesn't really make sense to me, but I've also never heard it before. Also the fact that we had to Google and didn't know what M G T O W even meant, just tells you everything you need to know about Robert. Also like this whole born again Virgin scenario...

[00:36:20] CHELSEY: What is that like? Are you saying that a woman is no longer attractive to you because she's older and you know that she's sexually experienced that that's unattractive to you, Robert? like. Robert is so gross. He's making me very upset.

[00:36:34] TREY: It's really like confusing. It's like terrifying that these are the kinds of men that are on OkCupid.

[00:36:39] CHELSEY: It really, I mean, I will say if there's one impact that this review has, I don't want to be on OkCupid if there are people like Robert on there. No offense OkCupid, if I'm generalizing.

[00:36:49] TREY: But I imagine Robert is no longer on it.

[00:36:52] CHELSEY: That's true. Maybe I'm maybe it's safe to go back.

[00:36:54] TREY: I mean, it's, it is very interesting because I am a gay man. I like men. And this review is just everything that is wrong with men. I mean, it's like hilarious that Robert as a man is like berating the women gender. And it's like, all you get from this review is how awful he is as a man.

[00:37:14] CHELSEY: Yeah! It's true. You're right. It has the complete opposite effect.

[00:37:18] TREY: I want to, like, I want to do an experiment right now with you.

[00:37:21] CHELSEY: Yeah.

[00:37:22] TREY: I want to go through our usual checkpoints and like really try to apply them. Do you think this review provides any value, unique or new information about OkCupid?

[00:37:35] CHELSEY: No. It does not.

[00:37:37] TREY: No. Okay. The spelling and grammar.

[00:37:40] CHELSEY: Okay.

[00:37:40] TREY: Does it look like they did a spell check before hitting submit? Thoroughly 100%? Absolutely. It is. It is beautifully type font written. Sure. Do we believe them? Were they being truthful or shady disgruntled former employee or relative of the owner. Do we believe them?

[00:37:55] CHELSEY: Well, I believe that this is Robert's reality, but I don't, but I think they might as well be a disgruntled employee because their view of the world is very disgruntled.

[00:38:05] TREY: That's what's hard for me is like, I think Robert is being truthful to Robert's experiences in life, but I don't think that that's, I don't think this is a true assessment of the women that are on OkCupid.

[00:38:15] CHELSEY: Exactly.

[00:38:15] TREY: It's all...

[00:38:16] CHELSEY: And I think that's really what it's about. It's like, can I trust what this person has to say? No, I can't.

[00:38:23] TREY: Right because I don't view the, clearly this person has a very specific point of view that is not mine.

[00:38:28] CHELSEY: Has a world view, Thank God, that is different than either of ours.

[00:38:31] TREY: Do we think this is a common experience or a fluke experience? Is it typical of OkCupid?

[00:38:37] CHELSEY: I don't think so. I hope not.

[00:38:40] TREY: Is OkCupid free?

[00:38:41] CHELSEY: Yes, I believe so. I don't know if they have like a paid premium. Most of them have like an upsell, I think.

[00:38:47] TREY: Humor. Were we entertained?

[00:38:49] CHELSEY: No.

[00:38:50] TREY: No. I'm entertained by the description of who Robert C is as a man.

[00:38:56] CHELSEY: Yes.

[00:38:57] TREY: Which is not Robert C's intention.

[00:38:59] CHELSEY: That's why I can't attribute any of the entertainment value back to Robert. I can attribute it to the ridiculousness of him as a character.

[00:39:09] TREY: Right. This is like when they were filming Blair Witch, and it was like, there's no script, but here is a little log line of what the scene is. And it's like, okay, you're going to be playing Robert C, this is how Robert C sees the world.

[00:39:19] CHELSEY: And it's like, got it immediately. I mean, roll camera.

[00:39:24] TREY: And then do we care if we were this reviewer's grandmother where we put this review on our fridge, do we empathize? What is the impact? Is it a deal breaker?

[00:39:33] CHELSEY: Yeah, I would kick Robert out and tell him to go somewhere else if I were his grandmother.

[00:39:38] TREY: If I was the grandmother, I would put a bar of soap in his mouth. I would spank his Fanny and I would send him to dinner... to bed without dinner.

[00:39:45] CHELSEY: I agree. I would be very disappointed if Robert C were my grandchild.

[00:39:50] TREY: Thoroughly. Does this have an impact for you as far as OkCupid?

[00:39:54] CHELSEY: No.

[00:39:56] TREY: Right. It's right.

[00:39:57] CHELSEY: No, it doesn't I mean, it does, in the sense that, like I said, like no offense, OkCupid, and I feel bad mixing these two people because OKCupid is technically innocent in this situation. Like, thank God Robert's gone. But if there's a large populous of Roberts on OkCupid then? Yeah, it affects me because no, I don't want to be around that. But other than that, which is not really OkCupid's fault. No it doesn't.

[00:40:21] TREY: I mean, I think I could crown this.

[00:40:23] CHELSEY: Let's crown it.

[00:40:23] TREY: Okay.

[00:40:24] CHELSEY: Can I give zero crowns? Is that a thing I can do?

[00:40:26] TREY: Do you think it's worthy of zero crowns?

[00:40:29] CHELSEY: I'm very mad, but let's tabulate

[00:40:33] TREY: Let's tabulate.

[00:40:36] VOICEOVER: The Queens are tabulating.

[00:40:38] TREY: Do you think you know?

[00:40:42] CHELSEY: I know.

[00:40:44] VOICEOVER: Total score.

[00:40:45] CHELSEY: Alright. Trey gave it one crown. I gave it a half crown. I'll start. I gave it a half crown because the spelling and grammar, that was really the only thing I could give him points on. Other than that, I detested him and I feel. Just very protective of myself and other women who might take any word of what Robert says as a reflection of who they are. And I want to be the one to tell myself and every other woman listening to never, ever, ever think of yourself the way that Robert has described you, because that is so not who you are and you are so worthy of love, and you are worthy of finding love if you are on this app and you are putting in the work and putting yourself out there. And you're beautiful and you're amazing. And you're a Queen. And, I'm just sorry that there are people like Robert out there that would make any of us feel differently. So that's what I want to take my assessment time talking about. Half crown for Robert. Why did you give a crown?

[00:41:46] TREY: Valid? I did. I thought about half and I thought about one. I personally don't think that it's a worthy of zero crowns. I do think it's at least half a crown because of the spelling and because the impact here is like, it instantly makes me wonder, is OkCupid free, because I do think there needs to be some sort like, which just makes me think this person has presumably left the service. But if this is a kind of person that could be on the service, that makes me feel a little bit, like, I don't know if OKCupid is the right avenue. So that's why I did one because. Basically half for the spelling and then the other half is because it does make me feel like, God, am I going to encounter..

[00:42:28] CHELSEY: A Robert.

[00:42:29] TREY: ...crazy people like Robert on OkCupid? Wow. So that's why I did one crown.

[00:42:33] CHELSEY: Alright!

[00:42:35] TREY: Yikes. That was such an odd point of view of the world. Isn't that sad that someone who's like looking for love has that much hang up in their life.

[00:42:42] CHELSEY: Yeah like a lot of contraditions...

[00:42:44] TREY: you're never going to find,

[00:42:45] CHELSEY: You're never going to find it. If that's how you feel about it. So, okay.

[00:42:48] TREY: Also in my tabulating, I was just looking over at the expectations and requirement and laundry lists for women. And it's like, that's, you're just, that's what you're doing.

[00:42:58] CHELSEY: Yeah. Terrible.

[00:43:00] TREY: Okay. Let's forget Robert C. What a mess.

[00:43:03] CHELSEY: I always feel like whenever we have one of these reviewers that leave me, like, feeling so heated, like I just need to grab some Sage or Palo Santo and like quickly cleanse out the space because I'm about, we're about to do the most Regal portion of our show and we're going to induct, you know, beautiful, worthy people of our Royal Highness. And let's just clear the space for a second. I'm going to pull out my crystal that I got for both of us. I'm going to hold it up for Patreon.

[00:43:33] TREY: I got mine too!

[00:43:34] CHELSEY: Anyway, let's clear the space, bring in some good energy because there are incredible people out there in the world. And I can't wait to honor two of them right now. So. All the crystals and I feel better. All right.

[00:43:49] TREY: Me too. All right. Chelsey, who are you inducting today for

[00:43:55] VOICEOVER: My Royal Highness.

[00:43:57] CHELSEY: I'm so glad you asked. Today, I'm going to induct a fellow actor named Lora Bofill. She's @lorabofill that's, L O R a B O F I L L. On Instagram and Lora and I were in Good Girls together. She was my CoStar that she was the other girl exercising with me during the workout class. And the reason why I want to induct Lora and why she's. So friggin cool is because not only is Lora a fabulous actor and she's amazing, but she's also a doctor. And not just like any little doctor, like she's a doctor at Cedar Sinai, and she's literally like Clark Kent and Superman because she's the most humble person you'll ever meet in your life. No one that knows Lora or very few people who know Lora as Dr. Bofill at Cedar Sinai know that she's an actor. And the people that know her as an actor don't know that she's a doctor. In fact, when I worked with her on set, it never came up I just thought she was a bad-ass actor and she was doing so much work. And I had so much respect for her, for our conversations that were in that domain. Meanwhile, when COVID happened, she started posting medical advice for people dealing with COVID and, you know, just appreciation for her fellow doctors and her fellow people that are working in the healthcare industry. And only because I followed Lora and I saw these posts, did I even know that she was a doctor. So I don't know how a superhuman like this exists. I just spoke with her for like an hour yesterday. Cause she was helping me out with something. And just the fact that she took the time to talk to me when she's like fixing the world as a doctor and also killing it as an actor and still finds time to be a great friend. I can't think of anyone more deserving of this. Uh, then Lora. So @lorabofill go follow her. She's amazing. And I'm is wishing her. So much mazel and success because she deserves it because she is amazing. So thank you, Lora.

[00:46:15] TREY: Wow! And I love how she spells her name.

[00:46:17] CHELSEY: Yeah! Isn;t it cool? All right. Try tell us who you're inducting for My Royal Highness.

[00:46:23] TREY: Okay. So today I am inducting another animal rescue situation. Okay. So today I'm going to induct Mission Driven Goods. They are on Instagram @missiondrivengoods. So this is an organization created by Scott Poore and basically. Scott had this passion for, you know, that animal in an animal shelter that has been there longer than any other animal

[00:46:53] CHELSEY: Yeah, like that. Like the older one?

[00:46:55] TREY: The one that no one is excited about, no one wants to play with. No one is adopting. So Scott had a soft spot in his heart for that animal. And it became Scott's mission in life and created this organization that sells apparel as a means to raise funds in order to directly go after the longest animals to reside in animal shelters. And Scott sort of started making news because. Uh, in order to spark awareness for these animals, he's done some pretty extreme things in order to like highlight what that is like. One day he slept for an entire week, seven days, inside of a kennel at a shelter as a metaphor for what it would be like. Also spent like 30 minutes inside of a car, uh, without air conditioning to raise awareness, but then had this idea. They got a sponsorship to do a billboard for this little dog named Sally Sue.

[00:47:58] CHELSEY: Awww.

[00:47:59] TREY: Who is a pit bull who had spent over three years in a shelter in order to like drive attention to this animal in a different way that could catch people's attention while they're driving on I-35 and they're just doing really amazing, fantastic work. I'm so touched by people that are so committed to these defenseless animals that just need attention. And that is Scott's whole thing. You can go to You can buy some of their cute t-shirts. You can also just donate to the billboard fund, which I did prior to the episode. And I would love for all of you to do the same because Scott's doing really great stuff. And the apparel is actually very cute. So Scott Poore, and mission-driven goods. You are My Royal Highness for today.

[00:48:47] CHELSEY: Wow. I love that.

[00:48:50] TREY: I love it too.

[00:48:51] CHELSEY: Oh, that was so nice.

[00:48:52] TREY: Do we have time for a Royal Review?

[00:48:54] CHELSEY: Okay, Bitch, I'mma make a minute for Royal Review okay. I don't miss an opportunity for a Royal review, are you kidding?

[00:49:01] TREY: That's the spirit girl.

[00:49:04] CHELSEY: Alright.

[00:49:07] VOICEOVER: Baby it's time for some Royal Reviews! YES!

[00:49:14] TREY: Different recording on that. Um, all right. So today our Royal Review, Chelsey is from JMWA1986 on Apple Podcasts. They write five stars, funny, feisty, and fabulous. This podcast sparks much joy. I love getting to know Chelsey and Trey through their kvetches and Royal Highness nominations. They bring two separate insights to the table and really pick these reviews apart, giving them ample consideration, and they really put themselves in the reviewer's place. With so many trolls out there, it's nice to see these two acknowledging humanity along with the humorous side to online reviews. Love love, love PS. The last episode had me rolling pun intended I can't wait to see what these two and their listeners unearth for us to enjoy.

[00:50:10] CHELSEY: Awwww.

[00:50:12] TREY: What a thoughtful review!

[00:50:14] CHELSEY: JMWA1986!

[00:50:18] TREY: So they posted that in July.

[00:50:19] CHELSEY: That was Sweet. It must have been

[00:50:20] TREY: What was the last episode?

[00:50:22] CHELSEY: It was the ball. It was the giant ball that,

[00:50:25] TREY: rolling!

[00:50:26] CHELSEY: Yeah, where the guy broke his collarbone. The kid broke the Collarbone or whatever. Oh my God. That was so, so sweet. And I'm so glad that you enjoy our ample consideration as you so kindly put it. That was very sweet.

[00:50:40] TREY: I love that! It's so kind. Thank you, JMWA1986 for your very thoughtful review. That's a lot.

[00:50:48] CHELSEY: It means so much to us, thank you so, so much. That's so sweet.

[00:50:51] TREY: All right. So we did it, thank you all you listeners currently. And, uh, we've done a, here we are. We're at the end of another fabulous episode.

[00:51:00] CHELSEY: It's true. Thank you guys so much for joining us today. We really appreciate it. If you like what you heard, please tell a friend.

[00:51:07] TREY: If you didn't like what you heard, please tell an enemy. You can also leave us a review, just like Queen JMWA1986 did and yours could be featured on the show.

[00:51:19] CHELSEY: And don't forget. We want to hear from you all hit up the voicemail box 1-850-Review-zero. You can also follow us of course, on all the socials @thereviewqueens. I'm @ChelseyBD and that's Chelsey with a y!

[00:51:35] TREY: And I'm @TreyGerrald. Become a member of the Royal Court by joining our patreon at our entry-level starts at $5 a month. We also released video clips of one of the reviews from each episode on our YouTube page. So go check that out.

[00:51:54] CHELSEY: And remember, please, you guys, ignore the haters, you're a Queen!

[00:52:00] TREY: Gender non-specific queen!

[00:52:02] CHELSEY: Of course, Bye!

[00:52:04] TREY: Toodle PIP.

[00:52:05] CHELSEY: See you lata! never say alligator!

Review That Review is an independent podcast. Certain names have been redacted or changed to protect the guilty. Executive produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound designed by me with voiceover talents by Eva Kaminsky. Our cover art was designed by LogoVora and our theme song was written by Joe Kinosian and sung by Natalie Weiss.

[00:52:27] TREY: ...Alligator.

[00:52:27] CHELSEY: Ugh. I'm gonna have to talk about Robert in therapy this week.

[00:52:31] TREY: Oh God.

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