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TRANSCRIPT of Episode 13: "The Stanley Hotel / Hex: Old World Witchery"

Updated: Sep 17, 2021

Transcript of Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald

Episode 13 "The Stanley Hotel / Hex: Old World Witchery"

for the differently abled and those who prefer to read.

Review That Review with Chelsey Donn and Trey Gerrald

Episode 13

THEME SONG: [00:00:00] Everybody's got an opinion.

Every Californian and Virginian.

It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.

Someone's gotta settle the score.

Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!

Whose views win, which ones lose.

Online haters are comin' for you!

Baby, it's time to Review That Review!

[00:00:00] CHELSEY: Hello.

[00:00:32] TREY: Hi!

[00:00:33] CHELSEY: All it takes is a little riff from Natalie to get me feeling better, you know?

[00:00:37] TREY: Amen.

[00:00:38] CHELSEY: All right. Welcome everyone to Review That Review the podcast dedicated to reviewing...

[00:00:44] TREY: Reviews! We're just like Siskel and Ebert only instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we rate and review those hilarious, scathing, and sometimes suspicious online reviews.

[00:00:57] CHELSEY: That is Trey Gerrald.

[00:00:59] TREY: And that is Chelsey Donn

[00:01:02] CHELSEY: and together we're...

[00:01:04] VOICEOVER: The Review Queens.

[00:01:08] TREY: Oh my God. That was so weird. We were saying the opposite things. It was so ooky spooky.

[00:01:15] CHELSEY: Well, I'm completely disoriented. AH!!! What is that? Could it be....

[00:01:28] CHELSEY: What is the ooky spooky music?

[00:01:29] CHELSEY: The ghost of

[00:01:30] CHELSEY: This is episode 13,

[00:01:32] TREY: I'm scared. It's episode 13. It's so spooky.

[00:01:37] CHELSEY: It's terrifying! With that in mind, I'll start, I'll talk about my week for a second.

[00:01:42] TREY: Please go!

[00:01:43] CHELSEY: I feel like I've had a spooky week. I had a real life encounter with a Karen this week. It was terrifying. But it happened at Best Buy. and Karen was standing next to me and this individual carried with her a cloud, just like a negativity cloud. She actually arrived at the desk after me, but her energy was so intense that I was like, go ahead.

[00:02:08] CHELSEY: The manager came over and he was being really nice and he was trying to help her. And then the second, like literally the second he left, she was like, Where'd he go, when is he going to be, when is he going to back here? How long is this going to take? I don't have all day. I am very busy person. Like I'm in a rush. I'm an, and my point is like, okay, if you're in that much of a rush, then do this later.

[00:02:29] CHELSEY: At one point, she was like, my dog, I gotta pick up my dog. Like if your dog is waiting for you to pick them up, this might not be a good time to combine the gift cards. Like, just deal with it. I don't know. Just have a little bit of compassion for these people that are working. And I don't know, I had an issue to deal with and it took them a little while to deal with mine too.

[00:02:48] CHELSEY: But after seeing how intense this other person was, I was just like, I've had to be really nice. So anyway, Real Life Karen Alert, they exist. They exist. They're everywhere. and it's,

[00:03:00] VOICEOVER: Oh my God! It's a Karen!

[00:03:01] CHELSEY: And it's terrifying.

[00:03:04] VOICEOVER: Oh my God! It's a Karen!

[00:03:06] TREY: I didn't mean to push that twice. It's so spooky.

[00:03:08] CHELSEY: It was terrifying. Anyway, Trey. How was, how was your week?

[00:03:11] TREY: You experienced that and you wouldn't share with me cause you were waiting to tell me on the pod. Which is hilarious.

[00:03:16] CHELSEY: It's true. I mean, it wasn't like I guys like thinking about it now. Maybe it wasn't the most interesting story. Maybe I should have just told Trey in the moment, but...

[00:03:23] TREY: I mean, I understand you saw Karen and the wild and this is the place to share that story because it's so what we do! My week's been fine. We, we are dealing slightly with little piddles from...

[00:03:36] CHELSEY: Piddles?!

[00:03:37] TREY: From our, um, niece's dog Laila that we're babysitting for three weeks. She likes to do little Pee-Pees here and there.

[00:03:42] CHELSEY: Oh! Little Pee-Pee piddles.

[00:03:46] TREY: Do you guys call those a piddle?

[00:03:47] CHELSEY: I don't think I've ever heard it called a piddle, but I like it.

[00:03:51] TREY: That's really funny. Cause our nephew is staying with us and he's 13 and David referred to it as a piddle. He was laughing, laughing, laughing at like that word. And I thought is that because I think I taught the word to David, but maybe that's a Southern word. Whatever.

[00:04:05] CHELSEY: Oh, is that a thing that like a lot of people in the south are like, you can piddle over there or is it specifically a piddle when a dog piddles?

[00:04:13] TREY: That's a really good question. I think my mom always said like, oh, what have you been doing today? Oh, nothing just piddling around like that.

[00:04:19] CHELSEY: Oh, that sounds familiar.

[00:04:22] TREY: But somehow in my brain, like whenever there's like a little, a little Tee Tee mess, I think of that as like a, a little piddle.

[00:04:28] CHELSEY: A little piddle. Well this Karen took a little piddlel in the middle of the Best Buy and you're then Laila... Laila's been piddling...

[00:04:37] TREY: everywhere!

[00:04:37] CHELSEY: Everywhere. And with that in mind, I just feel like both of us, this was like a rough week, right? You've been dealing with piddling. I've been dealing with Karen,

[00:04:45] TREY: As you were talking about Karen...

[00:04:46] CHELSEY: I already complained.

[00:04:48] TREY: Well, I was going to say, are we in the complaints already? Or are we just like recapping our weeks? It was very hard to tell, which...

[00:04:55] CHELSEY: Which is, I have a complaint too, which is odd for us because they do feel like usually we're like so positive at the top. And then here here's like complaint. But this time I feel like we're both feeling sort of complainy. So I have another complaint to get off my chest and I'd love to hear yours. So tell me about yours.

[00:05:08] VOICEOVER: Lodge A Complaint.

[00:05:09] TREY: Okay. So my complaints, I don't, this is a little inside baseball, but it really does annoy me. Okay. So there's this website and it is called BroadwayWorld.com.

[00:05:18] CHELSEY: Love it.

[00:05:18] TREY: I would say in my opinion, it's sort of second tier to a website called Playbill.com, which anytime you go to a theater show, anywhere in the country, yes. They use the playbill organization. It's a trademark thing. It's the little yellow banner at the top. It's a very specific type font. Anyway, a lot of news for the Broadway culture. Yeah, it's comes up on playbill. So BroadwayWorld is like they operate individual websites for every state. And so somewhere along the line, Broadway World realized that they could get a lot more traction on their website if they do awards every year. But the thing is, is that the only way to win these awards is by the number of votes. So it really turns into like a popularity contest. It'll be like, what my complaint today is about are these acting Broadway World nominations, where someone will go and do, you know, The Three Little Pigs in Saskatchewan.

[00:06:21] CHELSEY: Sure.

[00:06:22] TREY: And they get nominated for Papa Pig, best actor. And in order to win in the Saskatchewan BroadwayWorld Acting Awards, you have to get the largest number of votes. So people there are many offenders in my life will go on this, um, campaign on social media and they'll DM you: "hey, here's a link. Please vote for me." And it's like, girl, I did not see you play Papa pig in the Saskatchewan production of The Three Little Pigs.

[00:06:51] CHELSEY: I can't vouch for your performance.

[00:06:53] TREY: And then the people that take it very seriously, they'll listed as like an accomplishment on their resume or on their website or on their Twitter bio. And it's all just a little silly to me because. There is no merit to winning because you've just bothered enough people.

[00:07:10] CHELSEY: It's not as if there was like a council of people that saw this person play the big piggy or whatever it is.

[00:07:17] TREY: No, because it's like individual states and there's just no one policing it. So then it becomes. Obviously, I don't like confrontation, but like here I am talking about it on a podcast, passive aggressive, but I don't know how to handle it because I don't know what to say in response to the DM, because I have actually said, "oh, sorry, I didn't see the performance" and then it's like, "it doesn't matter. Please just vote." And it's like, well then what are we doing here?

[00:07:42] CHELSEY: Right. And they don't know, like, you're a queen, you're a Review Queen. Like we take this job very seriously. I'm not going to just throw you a vote. If I, if I haven't seen, if you have the chops to pull off this role.

[00:07:54] TREY: Well, the next time this happens, I really can say, "Unfortunately, I am an official Review Queen. Here's a link to the podcast. Why don't you give it a listen!?"

[00:08:02] CHELSEY: That's true.

[00:08:03] TREY: That's my complaint. Just don't ask people for popularity contest. That's sort of obnoxious, whatever everyone finds their own bliss. Anyway, that is my complaint. So if you are an offender of that, stop sending them to me. Chelsey, what is yours complaint this week?

[00:08:22] CHELSEY: Thank you for asking. I want to get something off of my chest today. Uh, and when I say that, I mean, literally. Yep, listen, my complaint is you probably can't empathize with me and I hope some people listening can, if you're a lady and you get a bathing suit, they put these like really disgusting, like fake boob things inside the bathing suit. And they're just, they're terrible. Like they, they never make it through a wash. They just end up bundled and in the middle and they look like a weird growth on your chest. I just don't understand, like if you're not going to take the time to actually sew in a proper like lift, which I'm not opposed to, I like, I'm not opposed to a nice lift of the chest, but if you're not going to take the time to do that, then please don't include this little like folded schmatta inside the breast of my bathing suit, like, like who, who is there one person out there? That's like, oh my God, thank God I have this. Sometimes they'll have a bathing suit that has that, but they'll at least leave a slit so you can pull it out, which, okay, cool. Like this is a real waste. Talk about The Giving Tree and like just wasting all of this resources. Fine. At least I can remove it. The bathing suits that I have, I had a cut a hole in it. I had to literally damage my bathing suit to retract this thing. Like ridiculous. The amount of time I've wasted on this. So any bathing suit designers out there, we gotta do better.

[00:09:57] TREY: Do they like get deformed when you like put them in the dryer or something?

[00:10:01] CHELSEY: That's what I'm saying. Like a hundred, like it, like it folds into itself. And then it becomes like a triangle, like, but like not in a sexy way, not like in a Madonna, like look at my, my cone boob kind of way. In like a really unattractive, like, strange growth on my chest. Kind of like it. It's so not serving the purpose that it seems to be intending to serve. It's a shoulder pad, it's basically a shoulder pad.

[00:10:28] TREY: That's what I was picturing.

[00:10:30] CHELSEY: Yeah. That they've they've inserted or into the thing, but they don't sew it in. So it just flimsy in there. Anyway, I feel great that I got that off my chest because whew!

[00:10:40] TREY: These like body deformations and these liars, all of these topics, they're just so

[00:10:46] TREY: ooky spooky. I'm scared.

[00:10:53] CHELSEY: I'm definitely afraid.

[00:10:54] TREY: Well, thank you for sharing that. Thank you for letting me in on that. I'm really appreciative to know that...ooop...

[00:11:00] VOICEOVER: Listener Voicemail

[00:11:04] TREY: Chels-Chels. Guess What?

[00:11:05] CHELSEY: Oh my God!

[00:11:06] TREY: We've got a shitty, shitty Listener Voicemail today.

[00:11:10] CHELSEY: Oh, my God. It's shitty?

[00:11:12] TREY: I might be tipping the hat... tipping... my hat? Tipping the hand?

[00:11:16] CHELSEY: Tipping your hat? You might be giving me a little bit of a clue there.

[00:11:20] TREY: Well, let's listen to today's Listener Voicemail.

[00:11:23] CHELSEY: I'd love to hear it. Let's hear it.

[00:11:25] VOICEOVER: Hey, Review Queens. This is James and I have got to Lodge a Complaint. I just am so done with the people who don't pick up their dog's poop. It is causing aninflux of flies in, in central Los Angeles at the moment, especially when you go to a dog park, I mean, pick up the poop. People treat the dog park as if it's like daycare and they don't have to pay attention to their dog, but no, you do. You have to pick up the poop. Am I alone? I don't think so. Who are these people? What world did they come from? Ugh. I'm done kvetching. Thank you.

[00:12:01] CHELSEY: Yay.

[00:12:01] TREY: Yay, James! That was so good!

[00:12:03] CHELSEY: James, I'm glad you got that off your chest. I agree. Like, I always think like, people do this thing where I think they try to pretend like, oh, I just didn't know. I just, I didn't know that my dog pooped there, like you knew.

[00:12:15] TREY: Yeah, that's not real. I was a Professional Dog Walker for a couple of years in New York City.

[00:12:21] CHELSEY: Wow.

[00:12:22] TREY: So I can really relate to this conversation. It's very interesting. I've never thought about the analogy that James just presented. That dog owners treat the dog park as a daycare, but like it's interesting the point that like, people are like, I'll go to the dog park and then I'll just be on my phone. I'm not paying attention. It's like that. I've never really thought about that. That is so true. I've also never correlated flies with dog poop, but that is so interesting.

[00:12:47] CHELSEY: Yes! Also the flies in Los Angeles right now, the flies are out of control right now. I mean, even if the poop is to blame. James is making me feel like maybe it is, then I do think there's something we got to do about this. I mean, they'll give you a parking ticket in Los Angeles if your tires are not turned at exactly the right angle.

[00:13:10] TREY: Right.

[00:13:10] CHELSEY: Maybe we need to hire some of those meter maids to watch the poop. Just sayin'!

[00:13:14] TREY: Can you imagine? I have been yelled at many times in New York City bending over, picking up dog poop by like brownstone owners who just want to yell because they've found poop in front of their brownstone before they're just mad at you. And I'm literally in the process of picking up the poop...

[00:13:30] CHELSEY: And you're like, This is New York City, baby. Like there's a million people that walk past your Brownstone everyday!

[00:13:36] TREY: And why are you yelling at me while I'm in the act of picking it up?

[00:13:38] CHELSEY: I'm clearly not the perpetrator!

[00:13:40] TREY: James. It's a really great complaint. I hope that you feel some relief by sharing it. That is a definite worthy, uh, complaint to lodge.

[00:13:48] CHELSEY: Very worthy. And we hear you, James. And, uh, we should all do better if you're a dog owner, don't forget your poop bags.

[00:13:56] TREY: Think of the impact of the poop. This is a great reminder.

[00:13:58] CHELSEY: This is a good reminder for all of us.

[00:14:00] TREY: Well, Chelsey.

[00:14:01] CHELSEY: Yes?

[00:14:02] TREY: Is it time for us to jump into some of today's spooky, spooky, online reviews?

[00:14:10] CHELSEY: I guess we must. Okay. So in honor, of our 13th episode, holy cannoli, I can't even believe it.Trey and I have each selected online reviews that veer into spooky territory that we feel...needs to be inspected.

[00:14:29] TREY: And as we are hoping, we won't be cursed for doing so, we will read you the review. We will break it down and rate and review the impact of the review on a scale from one to five spooky crowns. It's a very Regal process that we call

[00:14:49] VOICEOVER: Assess That Kvetch!

[00:14:51] TREY: And kvetch means complain.

[00:14:53] CHELSEY: Alright, who's first, today I'm first today?

[00:14:56] CHELSEY: You are first take it away. My, RQ mama!

[00:15:02] VOICEOVER: Review That Review.

[00:15:06] CHELSEY: All right here we are. So my spooky review is, is from a spooky location called The Stanley. And it's a hotel in Colorado. It's the most famously haunted spot. It's the real life inspiration for Stephen King's book, The Shining. Or the movie if you've seen it with Jack Nicholson, that's what this whole thing is based off of. It is a one dot TripAdvisor review from James R. I'm also going to point out that in James R's handle it's Author/Traveler. let's see what James R had to say about The Stanley Hotel.

[00:15:48] TREY: I'm scared.

[00:15:49] CHELSEY: The title is the only things spooky about this attraction is the hotel experience. The only spooky thing about The Stanley is the experience. Just to briefly describe some of the major setbacks we experienced at the hotel: lack of service, poor service. Small portions in restaurant. Dirty rooms, damaged rooms. Chemical burns by bleach yielding, distracted staff members. Watered down beverages. Luke warm water.

[00:16:32] CHELSEY: I usually do not do reviews, but I had such a poor experience at this sadly decadent, luxurious historic landmark that I felt compelled to speak up about it. My hashtag horrible experience began early in the process of booking the hotel. I had stayed at the Stanley before, and my experience had always been good to great.

[00:17:02] CHELSEY: However, this was quite some time ago. So when it was time for my family to vacation in Colorado, I went to their site to reserve a room and book a ghost tour. However, their website informed me that the tours had been canceled and that their onsite restaurant was closed. I almost decided to stay somewhere else due to the cost versus lack of amenities, but with all that is going on with COVID-19, I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt and at least enjoy my stay at a hotel minus the restaurant and the tour.

[00:17:37] CHELSEY: This was the most expensive location in which we stayed throughout our week long trip in Colorado, but it was nowhere near the nicest. We arrived right around four o'clock, which was to our knowledge check-in time. Having stayed at the hotel before I know to get there right around the time as the rooms were never ready early and long lines form. Though, I was second in line, it took a while to be waited on as there was only one person at the front desk. I was patient and pilot... as I enjoyed looking at the scenery in the lobby, I noticed that a tour went by. When I got up to the counter, the individual was short and hurried. I was given a door card and informed the elevator was not working, which was not a pleasant experience dragging bags up two flights of stairs in higher altitude when you're not used to it. I also asked about the tours, which contrary to their website were being conducted. I wasn't very excited only to find out they were sold out, which could have been a non-issue if it was not for their website. The room had the best view ever: The courtyard of the restaurant and the backside of the hotel. So much for a dazzling mountain view. I've had better views at Motel 6 or the Super 8 in the Midwest than I did at this expensive, luxourious, historic landmark in one of the most beautiful areas in the country, but the views in the room were much more exciting: crumbs on the floor dust on everything, deep scratches on all the wood furniture, trash on the floor, a damaged and blackened toilet seat from where I hope. Dirty and moldy damaged, caulking in the bathroom, dirty grout around the tile in the bathroom. My partner and I were appalled by the state of the room.

[00:19:43] CHELSEY: We decided to eat at the local restaurant that was open, despite the website. We had to wait for almost 20 minutes just to be approached by a hostess, even though we were standing in front of the 'Wait Here' sign, which was in the lobby of the hotel, not in the restaurant. We were shown to a dirty table. I did not even notice at first that the table was dirty until I noticed that my partner had not sat down yet.

[00:20:12] CHELSEY: When I noticed, I started to get up when an employee came over and nuked the entire table, my body, face, and hands included, with a strong bleach smelling substance from a spray bottle that slightly burnt my skin upon contact. But at least we had a clean table. The drinks were watered down, but expensive. My dish, which was some type of noodle dish had four noodles in it. And my partner joked that I must have ordered off the kid's menu. The water was lukewarm, so we did not shower. And The Shining wasn't even playing on TV.

[00:20:57] TREY: All right. So I have, I have a feeling that James is like, how do I put this? I feel like James is probably like a, It's such a long list of complaints that it, it kind of makes me wonder if James walks through the world with a litany of complaints and grievances.

[00:21:21] CHELSEY: Right. And a clipboard.

[00:21:22] TREY: And a magnifying glass, which I took notes on because the amount of detail of the dirtiness in the bathroom alone.

[00:21:30] CHELSEY: Yeah.

[00:21:31] TREY: They were on hands and knees looking at every single detail.

[00:21:34] CHELSEY: They included a couple pictures by the way of like the caulking. A selfie of themselves wearing a mask and glasses, which is perhaps the magnifying element, um, and a bit of dust as well.

[00:21:45] TREY: Well, it's also interesting that they had a somewhat not so positive experience in the past because they realized that you can't get let in early.

[00:21:53] CHELSEY: Right.

[00:21:54] TREY: But, they still booked again, which was interesting. And then. Like when it came to the point about the chemical burn, which they teed up really beautiful at the beginning, I sort of was like, did you really get splashed with...

[00:22:07] CHELSEY: Right.

[00:22:07] TREY: But I will say the whole conversation about Lukewarm water that is horrifying when you're showering. So like, I really give it to James.

[00:22:15] CHELSEY: Really?

[00:22:15] TREY: Like if it's really... oh my gosh, I have... No, if, if it's too cold in the shower, I can't complete the task.

[00:22:20] CHELSEY: But to me lukewarm isn't cold, lukewarm is like the temperature I would give a...

[00:22:25] TREY: Want a shower to be?

[00:22:26] CHELSEY: Well, no. No, no, no. I would, I would want it to be hot, but I'm just saying like, if I was going to give like my niece or nephew a bath, or I was going to give the puppy a bath, I would do Lukewarm water. And it wouldn't be like ideal, but I don't think it would cause me not to shower. If it was freezing, hell no.

[00:22:43] TREY: Yeah. I don't know. I am sort of like tired from hearing this review from James. I mean, James is just rattling. Oh my God. I just realized James, and this is not our listener voicemail, James.

[00:22:55] CHELSEY: No. Oh Right! This is the James episode.

[00:22:58] TREY: I hope not. Oh my gosh. We're in the Twilight zone.

[00:23:02] CHELSEY: That's spooky! Doo-doo-doo-doo. Doo-doo-doo-doo.

[00:23:06] TREY: I just feel like it's a lot to take in and it is a glaring problem though, if you, I wonder, does he say how early in advance he booked? Because maybe they didn't update the website about the tour and stuff?

[00:23:20] CHELSEY: Yeah, I wondered about that too. Like it doesn't say, it doesn't say how early they booked it. So who knows? You're right. Maybe like at that point in COVID they were not allowing the tours. And then by the time he got there, they were allowing it and he wasn't on it regularly. Also they, from like my little bit of research about this location, they do have just goes towards, like, you don't have to stay here to do a tour, so maybe they opened it up to the public. And then, you know.

[00:23:49] TREY: I wonder if that's a different operating company.

[00:23:52] CHELSEY: It might be, who knows? I mean, I'm sure they're trying to monetize in every way they could. I personally thought that maybe James has a side hustle is like a contractor or something by like or, or, you know what, like maybe like a home inspector, just the way that he went in there. And he just, I felt like he had a clipboard and he was like, caulking, like F you know, like he was just grading. I don't know. I thought it was interesting, like you said, like he had stayed here before and he came back. He sort of seemed like he knew what he was getting himself into. How long ago had it been since his last visit? It couldn't possibly have gotten that much worse.

[00:24:31] TREY: It's also interesting that James opens the review by saying the only thing spooky about this hotel was the experience. Is James, like an adventure seeker. Does James want to be haunted like is James picking this hotel because it could be spooky?

[00:24:45] CHELSEY: I think he definitely is. And I think that, that, like, as I was researching this a little more, that's a trend. Like people like to stay at ghost hotels and they kind of get pissed if they don't see a ghost or something. Like he wanted to see those twins in the hallway.

[00:25:01] TREY: Not me, nope.

[00:25:02] CHELSEY: He wanted to hear like red rum and he didn't. Me neither. I'm not at all interested in that. So I can't, uh, get inside the psyche of James here to understand why one would want to stay at a hotel like this and what it is that would make it a good experience. Right? For James.

[00:25:21] TREY: I'm sort of struggling here with the value Like I recognize that the ho the restaurant is different, operationally than the actual hotel. Like the maids for the hotel are not going to be the servers, because it seems like the hotel is kind of like a little dirty from what James is saying. Like, it's not the cleanest. And then you have the opposite extreme that like the table was dirty and then they like are sloshing this chemical that's like burning James's face. So is it dirty or is it I don't, I just like, I don't know, James, I don't want to instantly discredit James, but I am left with an impression from this lengthy review of this litany of horrible things that it's just sort of like, I don't know if James can be pleased.

[00:26:06] CHELSEY: It's hard for me because one, I don't think I choose to stay at The Stanley personally, because of the connection to The Shining. I'd be like, ah-ah, off the list. So like putting that aside,

[00:26:14] TREY: Wait, James references that this is a like high-end hotel at one point, do you, is it like a five-star hotel or do you know?

[00:26:22] CHELSEY: It's a four star hotel.

[00:26:25] TREY: And how many stars can you get?

[00:26:26] CHELSEY: And, it's ranked Number one, among luxury hotels in Estes Park by, by US News and World Report, it seems like one of those hotels that like needs is in like major need of a remodel, but also like maybe in a way they're like, Ooh, Dustiness and all of this adds to the aesthetic of this sort of creepy rundown vibe.

[00:26:52] TREY: But to james's point, if I am purchasing tickets to a four star luxury, number one in this area hotel, I don't want to see it bad, a bad caulking job. I want exceptional customer service.

[00:27:07] CHELSEY: I do. Yeah, I agree. I agree. I think that, that, uh, I wouldn't stay here if I was reading this review. I don't, I'm like super creeped out by cleanliness, especially now. The toilet thing. That's also like a real pet peeve with the ring around the toilet. So, I wouldn't stay it this hotel.

[00:27:25] TREY: Wait, so tell me about the, um, spelling and grammar because you...

[00:27:28] CHELSEY: okay...

[00:27:29] TREY: Pilot!

[00:27:29] CHELSEY: Yeah, there were... pilot instead of polite. It was funny. Every time I came across like a little spelling error, I was like, maybe you shouldn't have put author in your, name. And I wouldn't have had such high standards for you, but his sarcasm, like you said, he's definitely the person at the party that is going to take a really long time telling you a joke. And then at the end of it, you're going to give a sympathy laugh

[00:27:52] TREY: A sympathy, laugh. Yes.

[00:27:56] VOICEOVER: Like he was teeing it up for us. He teed it up with that, like lack of service, poor service, or you know, that, that little litany of complaints at the top. And then also like the room had the best few ever, you know, like he. He was trying, he was, he was utilizing different kinds of humor, sarcasm.

[00:28:15] TREY: I feel like, uh, James went to the writing school of Margaret Mitchell who wrote Gone With the Wind where you were paid per word.

[00:28:22] CHELSEY: Yeah. I think he like maxed out the word count. Like as I was reading it, I was like, Ooh, this is like a novella that James wrote about this. And he only mentioned The Shining at the end.

[00:28:33] TREY: I wasn't sure about that. Like, I wasn't sure if that was James trying to be funny, like, 'and it wasn't even on the TV walka-walka!' Or like, do you really think they're playing on loop?

[00:28:44] CHELSEY: I think that they play it on loop.

[00:28:45] TREY: I mean, I would, if I was the manager,

[00:28:46] CHELSEY: Yeah. It sounds like the kind of place where they're really leaning into the connection with the movie, which I get, like, that's what you got, that's what you got and that's what they got. So.

[00:28:57] TREY: Do you think James is truthful? Like, is this a common experience? Like what do you think

[00:29:01] CHELSEY: I think James is truthful. Like he had some photographic evidence of the dust, of the grout, um, issue like he..

[00:29:10] TREY: Were their images of the chemical burn?

[00:29:13] CHELSEY: There were no images of the chemical burn. So I think that might be a little bit of hyperbole. I don't know, like I went on a cruise once, um, and they were like washy washy, like all the time. Like they, they had this like spray that they would spray on you and tried to ask them what was in it. And they weren't going to tell us. So I, I understand, I don't want to be acosted by like some weird chemical thing. And it sounds like this person was like lack luster with their cleaning of the table. You know, like we said before, it's like, when you have an experience with a place. You come to expect that same experience. So when that same experience doesn't happen again, I just think he was all kerfuffled and realized the tour was there when they sent the tour wasn't going to be there. The restaurant was going to be there. Like maybe he, the last time he went booked the tour made reservations at the restaurant and he wasn't able to do either one of those things and he was waiting. And I just think he was in a bad mood at that point, maybe understandably so. Right. Um, I don't think it's, it's not valid what he's saying. I just think, It was long-winded for sure.

[00:30:19] TREY: Well, that's what I was going to say about like humor entertainment. Like I was not entertained. I felt like he just, I feel like James was just really unable to be pleased.

[00:30:31] CHELSEY: I'm not really sure what the situation with James was, but I agree. Like, I don't know. I think personally that people want to say if this hotel, because of The Shining, I don't think that many people are going to not stay at the hotel, but maybe they would read this and think I don't need to stay there. I'll just do the tour.

[00:30:50] TREY: I'm really having a hard time with this.

[00:30:52] CHELSEY: I am too. I'm struggling. I'm struggling.

[00:30:54] TREY: Well, now I'm curious, like you said, this is number one, four star hotel in Estes park or wherever this is. So I wonder like how many other hotels there? I don't know. It does seem to me like you're staying here for the schtickiness. So like you're not going there to be like wined and dined. That being said, if you are a service industry. Hotel. Hello? Like you need to be clean. Like it needs to be nice to a certain degree, like...

[00:31:22] CHELSEY: Especially now because of COVID.

[00:31:24] TREY: Yeah, I don't. I... could you crown it?

[00:31:27] CHELSEY: I guess I'll crown it. I just feel, I feel a little bit conflicted. I'm not going to lie, but let's crown.

[00:31:31] TREY: Yeah, let's crown it. All right. So Chelsey and I each have our own set of one to five crown cards and an effort to be fair and not influenced by one another. We will simultaneously reveal our rating cards.

[00:31:44] VOICEOVER: The Queens are Tabulating!

[00:31:47] TREY: Are you?

[00:31:48] CHELSEY: Yeah. All right, I'm ready. I changed at the last minute.

[00:31:52] TREY: I'm ready too.

[00:31:57] CHELSEY: Okay.

[00:31:57] VOICEOVER: Total score!

[00:31:58] CHELSEY: Did you do two and a half?

[00:31:59] TREY: I did two and a half, yeah.

[00:32:00] CHELSEY: Yeah. I had two and a half and then last minute I switched to three. We've really reversed here. I'm I'm definitely turning more into the Paula as this, as this goes on. I gave it three because. I think I just kind of didn't like James, no offense, James. And I was like kind of bored by his style of humor. And that was what was making me feel kind of like icky about him. But if I took that away and I was just looking at the information he gave me, I think I would be impacted by this review. He seemed passionate. He was trying to give us humor. At very least he was really trying to add value and tell the person, reading it, especially now with COVID. Right? Like you should probably know that. And for that reason, I gave him. Why did, why did you give James two and a half?

[00:32:49] TREY: Well, I did two and a half because I didn't want to, I thought I would do three, but I didn't want it to give it middle of the road. I did two and a half because I think there is a little bit of an impact. I do have an impression that it's going to be kind of dirty. Yeah. But I'm also struggling with also kind of, not really liking Janes and which is unfortunate. And we're sorry to James, cause I'm sure James is a lovely person, but just the deliverance of the information in this review. Sort of made me think I don't know that I would react the way that James reacted. And so for that reason, I did two and a half because while the impact makes me thinks it will be gross. I don't know that maybe, you know, it won't be as bad as James is telling us his experience was

[00:33:35] CHELSEY: I think that's a fair point. And I think something I just thought of when you said that was, I, I do think it's important as our assessment of the review to think if I spent however long, it took me to read that reading this review, like, am I getting my bang for my buck? Probably not. And that's something I think we should consider.

[00:33:53] TREY: I like that. Yeah. What's the Bang/Buck Ratio.

[00:33:57] CHELSEY: What's the, what's the bang buck in the bang buck on this one was like, not, not the best.

[00:34:02] TREY: Yeah, I agree. All right. Well, very good pick, Chelsey. I love that. I love this whole entire world of reviews. We like meet so many interesting people. Like James is such an interesting author. Uh, all right. Let's take a quick break. And then when we come back, we can get into my ooky spooky review!

[00:34:23] CHELSEY: Ooooh, I hate bats.

[00:34:31] TREY: Do you know what this is?

[00:34:32] CHELSEY: Oh is this.. Harry Potter.

[00:34:36] TREY: No, it's the theme to Are You Afraid of the Dark!?

[00:34:48] CHELSEY: Oh yeah!

[00:34:48] VOICEOVER: Hold your crown. We'll be right back.

[00:35:12] TREY: Alright. I don't know why I have to do that, but I have to do that. It's game time. It's time for us to take a quick ooky spooky spin on the Meryl-Go-Round.

[00:35:23] CHELSEY: Oh my God!

[00:35:24] VOICEOVER: I don't feel like an icon. Most of the days, I feel like 'I can't!' That's with an, a.

[00:35:33] CHELSEY: I think this is like a very Death Becomes Her themed Meryl-Go-Round. All right. Here's the deal, Trey and I have each picked a rotten scathing, pithy one-star zinger. And with 30 seconds on the clock, we'll take turns, trying to recite the zinger in as many genres as possible.

[00:35:51] TREY: Just like queen Meryl, who does it all.

[00:35:53] CHELSEY: Before the clock runs out.

[00:35:55] TREY: All right. So my one star zinger today is from Google reviews and it is for, following our ooky spooky theme. Uh, I almost played the side effect, but then I decided like it's going to be too much, so I just didn't play. Okay. So this is for Bane Haunted House and Escape Rooms. This is a one star and it is from CoconutWater, parentheses Kelly, J.

[00:36:21] CHELSEY: Coconut water parentheses Kelly J that's her username?

[00:36:25] TREY: Yep.

[00:36:26] CHELSEY: Okay.

[00:36:27] TREY: And their review is "trash."

[00:36:31] CHELSEY: Okay. Pithy indeed! Okay. Are you ready?

[00:36:36] TREY: I think that I'm ready. Yes.

[00:36:38] CHELSEY: Okay.

[00:36:43] VOICEOVER: Drama, trash announcer, breaking news, trash lifetime.

[00:37:01] VOICEOVER: Ah,

[00:37:05] VOICEOVER: rash game

[00:37:06] TREY: show

[00:37:11] VOICEOVER: opera, diva.

[00:37:16] CHELSEY: That was amazing.

[00:37:17] TREY: I was trying to counter balance my last one, which was like

[00:37:21] CHELSEY: That was really long. That's. Yeah, no, I'm glad you did that. All right. Let's see how you did one.

[00:37:27] TREY: This might be a personal best for me.

[00:37:29] CHELSEY: I mean without a doubt. This is a personal best. This is an eight.

[00:37:36] TREY: Oh my gosh. Well, that's what happens when it's one word.

[00:37:38] CHELSEY: That's an overall personal best for the entire friggin podcast!

[00:37:43] TREY: Imagine leaving a review that's just "trash."

[00:37:46] CHELSEY: Trash.

[00:37:48] TREY: All right. So Chelsey, your turn. You're going to be riding on a bat. What was I riding on? I forgot to ask

[00:37:54] CHELSEY: Oh! You're you are riding on a ghost. No, you are riding on a broomstick.

[00:37:58] TREY: That's what I wanted!.

[00:38:01] CHELSEY: I think you, you like entered my brain in that moment and I was like not a ghost! A Broomstick! Anyway.

[00:38:07] TREY: Pocket that for my review coming up shortly.

[00:38:10] CHELSEY: Uh-oh. Okay! All right. My, my review is also from Google. Uh, it is a one-star review for the Villisca Axe Murder House. I know, and it was written by Dean B and Dean B says boring woman was nasty to my group.

[00:38:38] TREY: Great. Thank you.

[00:38:39] CHELSEY: So, Yeah, that's it. Boring woman was nasty to my group.

[00:38:42] TREY: All right. I'm going to give your bat some, um, raw meat so that its wings are flappin'! You, ready?

[00:38:47] CHELSEY: I hate bats, but yes, I'm ready.

[00:38:49] TREY: Okay.

[00:38:50] CHELSEY: Let's do it.

[00:38:54] CHELSEY: Auctioneer

[00:38:59] CHELSEY: pop star

[00:39:04] CHELSEY: film noir,

[00:39:07] VOICEOVER: nasty to my group.

[00:39:09] TREY: Magic show.

[00:39:15] TREY: Spy

[00:39:20] TREY: WWE

[00:39:26] TREY: I love opera diva and WWE so much. Okay. You got..

[00:39:31] CHELSEY: Because I always max out the mic?

[00:39:34] TREY: No, but it's just so funny. You got six. Very good.

[00:39:38] CHELSEY: I'll take my six! Thank you!

[00:39:42] TREY: Well.

[00:39:42] CHELSEY: You're the big winner, Trey.

[00:39:44] TREY: It's it feels really good the times when I conquer, because you're really good at this game. And I'm just, it means a lot to me, so thank you.

[00:39:52] CHELSEY: Aw! Well, I'm so glad you could win on episode 13 AKA opposite day. No, just kidding.

[00:39:57] TREY: Good point! Really good point!

[00:39:59] CHELSEY: No, I'm kidding. You're so good at this game too. I don't know why you do that and

[00:40:03] TREY: Oh, Pish-posh!

[00:40:05] CHELSEY: Whatevah. Alright!

[00:40:06] TREY: Pish-Posh! Alright let's get back.

[00:40:08] CHELSEY: Back to the show.

[00:40:09] TREY: Back to the ooky spooks.

[00:40:10] CHELSEY: Yes.

[00:40:13] VOICEOVER: Review That Review.

[00:40:16] TREY: Okie-dokie-pokie! So we are back from that game break where I won and it is now my turn. So Chelsey, let me tell you a little bit about a very ooky spooky place... found....in New Orleans!

[00:40:35] CHELSEY: Okay.

[00:40:36] TREY: Okay. So this is from Yelp. And this reviewer's name is Diana G.

[00:40:45] CHELSEY: K.

[00:40:45] TREY: And this review is for Hex: Old World Witchery.

[00:40:51] CHELSEY: Okay.

[00:40:52] TREY: Diana G. One star.

[00:40:56] CHELSEY: Sorry. Is a Witchery like a store that sells, witchy stuff?

[00:41:00] TREY: So this is, um, like a gift shop and also they do spiritual readings.

[00:41:05] CHELSEY: Ooh. Okay.

[00:41:06] TREY: November 9th, 2013. I am appalled to say the least at how immature the owner is and his quote unquote psychic reader, Carrie is. This evening, instead of receiving a heartfelt apology for my past mistreatment here at the store, the owner threatened to all caps, send his demons to me. Smiley face. Wow. How immature and how irrelevant. I enjoy all things positive and light and have no interest in supporting a store that is so money greedy and desperate that the owner decided to all caps ban from entering his store, parentheses, which I had no intention of entering again, and cast his demons on me.

[00:42:01] TREY: Please get a life. Negative energies are not what I need in my life, which is why I will be avoiding this tourist trap until it eventually goes out of business. The wares are overpriced. And the last time I tried to buy an item the so-called psychic reader was snide with me and also was going to overcharge me for an item when the prices got knocked off the pendants.

[00:42:26] TREY: Christopher had two weeks to call me, but he did not until tonight, since I wrote my honest review of his store on tripadvisor.com. Obviously, Carrie must be a close friend of his, which is why he never thought to apologize to me until he thought my review could harm his pocket book. Well, Christopher, good luck sending your evil minions to me. I eat them for breakfast smiley face. And I think I might so enjoy it. As I see what other nonsense you pull on others who get victimized by you. You need to focus on sending some positive light to people other than making yourself look foolish. Because now I lost all respect for your store. And you. A real healer loves to heal and a fraud like you with such low intentions to cheat people eventually loses integrity in the eyes of the masses. Avoid this place like the plague. You will do better spending your money someplace else.

[00:43:32] CHELSEY: All right. Diana G.

[00:43:35] TREY: Oh, all right. So I, I was curious about this because I, I feel like you operate in sort of like a witchy sort of area in the world.

[00:43:44] CHELSEY: For sure. Yes.

[00:43:45] TREY: But to me, I feel like it's all a little ooky spooky.

[00:43:49] CHELSEY: Oh, well, yes, I do operate in the crystals, Patreon is seeing them. What I thought was interesting is like someone who proclaims to have their life mission be to like bring love and light into the world is certainly bringing a lot of darkness to this review and maybe would know this is not a way that we dispel negative energy. I mean, maybe they thought I'm gonna allow people to be aware that they should come in the future. Fine. That's that's okay. But it wasn't really done in a loving light way. She's she said she enjoyed eating. What did she say? They're evil minions for breakfast?

[00:44:31] TREY: Eats them for breakfast.

[00:44:33] CHELSEY: I mean. Come on!

[00:44:34] TREY: And it is also just to your point. It's interesting because Diana G also appears with a new review in 2019 also one star.

[00:44:44] CHELSEY: Oh geez. The review that you just read was written when?

[00:44:47] TREY: 2013.

[00:44:49] CHELSEY: So then six years later, bitch is still shopping here.

[00:44:53] TREY: They give it another try and, uh, you know, say horrible things again.

[00:44:58] CHELSEY: Stop. Are we reading that?

[00:45:00] TREY: Okay. Basically, I'm not going to read it again, read it. But Diana basically goes through here saying I used to shop here somewhat on a regular basis that they used to live in new Orleans and they moved. Then they rehash the entire experience of wanting to buy a figa the price tag falls off and the person puts another one on. And then how the owner was so upset when they placed an honest review, that they insisted that if they don't take the review down, they will curse them literally and send negative entities.

[00:45:30] TREY: And then it says like, this is my favorite part. I also don't appreciate his anger and his threatening remarks because a true Wiccan, never since curses out to universe, because it does tend to boomerang back to the original sender, which is an interesting point

[00:45:44] CHELSEY: Right! And that, and that's why I'm kind of surprised that she's, she's trying to masquerade as somebody that's like all white light, because if you are all white light, then you don't draw attention to the negative circumstance. You just sort of allow it to boomerang back to that person. I mean, there's just like so much wrong with this now, knowing that...

[00:46:05] TREY: Wait, question though. Could you do a white light curse on someone like to send goodness to someone? Can you do like a good curse?.

[00:46:13] CHELSEY: I don't know that I would call that a curse. I would call it a blessing, maybe.

[00:46:17] TREY: So, cause could Diana G do like a blessing to the store rather than writing a negative review?

[00:46:23] CHELSEY: Sure. Why not? I, I just think she's just a conundrum. She's a contradiction in, in one person, everything that she said in the end of this initial review was like, I would never shop here and this place is doomed to close and all that kind of stuff. And then she shopping there again and she's writing a review again. It's like at very least, if you're going to put that out into the universe, then do not go there. And, and in any way, don't even step foot, even if you're not going to buy something, don't go in there.

[00:46:54] TREY: And to that point, I want to reiterate that this is the Yelp review. And in the Yelp review, Diana is referencing the TripAdvisor review.

[00:47:03] CHELSEY: So now we've written three reviews with our white light nature, three, one star reviews, And then also like, what's the deal with the call? She was waiting for the call from Christopher?

[00:47:17] TREY: Yeah. So Christopher is the business owner. So I don't know,

[00:47:22] CHELSEY: She repeatedly says too that Carrie seems like she's a good friend of Christopher's, but why? She doesn't? Why is it a good cause? Cause he's defending her?

[00:47:31] TREY: It's confusing. Right?

[00:47:33] CHELSEY: It's very confused. And did she didn't give us any, she said she had a bad, did she say she had a bad psychic reading? Does she give us any details about that?

[00:47:41] TREY: No. It's just psychic is in quotation marks, but it does appear that Diana G did not get a psychic reading. Diana G was trying to purchase a figa.

[00:47:52] CHELSEY: But obviously, there was some beef that occurred between her and Carrie and she's not letting us know what the, like, what is the beef? Like, why are you so angry? Why are you wanting to put this person on blast for not being real? And then not telling me what it, what it was, give me something that's like, I don't know. Like, I don't feel like she gave me any information other than the fact that she feels like there's bad energy there, which she's definitely spewing out with eating for breakfast of the demons, but, and the cursing it to be closed. She didn't, she didn't give me any useful information about this store.

[00:48:32] TREY: Yeah. The real complaint here is how immature the owner and the psychic reader Carrie are.

[00:48:39] CHELSEY: Yeah, what does that mean?.

[00:48:39] TREY: And then everything else. Yeah. I don't there isn't detail about why either of them are immature other than. You know, threatening to send demons to Diana.

[00:48:49] CHELSEY: And listen. Like I like crystals. I am about it. And I'm also about good energy. So if I was reading the review, I'd want to know, are the prices really high? Did you have a reading? And like, was there something offensive or harmful or whatever that came out of the reading that was really insensitive. That'd be something I'd want to know. I don't feel like any of the information that I would actually want to know...

[00:49:10] TREY: Is present.

[00:49:11] CHELSEY: I feel like we got a personal diary, entry beef between these two people. And I can't think of a single, a single item of this review that's of use to a person that's going to be shopping here.

[00:49:23] TREY: And, and yeah, you're right. Like there, I don't know what the value here is. It feels very like a personal vendetta.

[00:49:28] CHELSEY: Yeah, there's no value other than a personal vendetta. Like this is literally an example of somebody that is just going online to just, troll this person on multiple sites, three reviews, two different websites, six years apart, like, come on, Diana.

[00:49:46] TREY: But, were are you entertained?

[00:49:48] CHELSEY: I was, but I don't know if I was entertained because of your reading. I mean, like I laughed multiple times.

[00:49:53] TREY: It is interesting. The two times that being cursed with demons as mentioned the sentence both times is ended with a smiley face.

[00:50:02] CHELSEY: Eww.

[00:50:02] TREY: Which is just kind of spooky.

[00:50:04] CHELSEY: Diana's kind of creeping me out. My bat wings are flying and they're not happy about Diana G.

[00:50:10] TREY: I feel like I could crown it.

[00:50:12] CHELSEY: Let's do it.

[00:50:16] VOICEOVER: The Queens are Tabulating.

[00:50:18] TREY: You ready?

[00:50:18] CHELSEY: I'm ready.

[00:50:19] VOICEOVER: Total Score.

[00:50:24] CHELSEY: Oh, you gave it a half.

[00:50:25] TREY: My first time! I'm giving it half.

[00:50:28] CHELSEY: Okay. Trey, give it half. I gave it one for the vibes. I like, I am somebody that wants to know the vibes. Like, I don't want anybody saying anything nasty to me. I wouldn't want to go in there for that reason. So that's really like the only points that Diana got for me, but I think the half has completely warranted. Why did you decide to do the half?

[00:50:46] TREY: Because it didn't even really occur to me until you were pointing it out: there's literally no details about why it's a negative review. And I'm someone that doesn't operate in ooky spooky Witchery stuff. So to me, a conversation about a business owner of like a witch store cursing demons on you for leaving a negative review is sort of like, well, I mean, I, I mean, okay.

[00:51:09] CHELSEY: This seems like drama. Diana G has got drama. Oh, I hope Diana G's not listening to this.

[00:51:14] TREY: We're going to be cursed.

[00:51:15] CHELSEY: Yeah. She'll eat us for breakfast.

[00:51:16] VOICEOVER: There's a Reply!

[00:51:16] CHELSEY: Oh my God.

[00:51:21] TREY: So we have a reply.

[00:51:23] CHELSEY: I'm so interested in this because the beef was clearly between the business owner and Diana. So wow. Now he gets to hear from the business owner.

[00:51:31] TREY: Okay. So this is from Christian D, business owner. This is on November 16th, 2013. Diana G's review was November 9th. This review is very disappointing as the reviewer knows she is not telling the truth and is trying to hurt both me personally and my shops for not firing an employee at her demand.

[00:51:55] TREY: One: as I said on the telephone to this individual, no employee of mine would ever switch a price tag. There's no personal motivation for them to do so. And I certainly would not encourage that because even if I were the type to cheat. And I'm not. There's no benefit to me at all. My inventory is replaced automatically. And if I sell item a at the price and code for item B, my system will automatically reorder another item B and then I will have two item B and no item a. So whatever short term gain I might accrue from fraudulently switching prices would be negated by the corruption of our inventory.

[00:52:38] TREY: Two: the only discussion of quote unquote demons on the phone call was her telling me that she eats demons for breakfast and that the landlords of New Orleans had driven her out of town. It was all I could do to be patient with her as I was on with her for 30 minutes, listening to her rant about issues she had with New Orleans. It actually says new Orla without the N. That had nothing to do with the issue at hand. And I've received complaints about her from shop owners and others all over the French Quarter. By no means, am I exactly Mr. Customer service, but I typically stay out of these matters. However, when my shop manager called Diana, Diana refused to speak to her, believing her to be the staff member with whom she had an issue and refusing to speak to anyone but me. This was yet another example of the paranoia level we are dealing with.