Updated: Sep 17, 2021
Transcript of Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald
Episode 14 "Nair for Men / Sesame Place"
for the differently abled and those who prefer to read.
Review That Review with Chelsey Donn and Trey Gerrald
THEME SONG: [00:00:00] Everybody's got an opinion.
Every Californian and Virginian.
It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.
Someone's gotta settle the score.
Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!
Whose views win, which ones lose.
Online haters are comin' for you!
Baby, it's time to Review That Review!
[00:00:30] BOTH: Hi!
[00:00:32] CHELSEY: It's so good to see you! Look at your little crown!
[00:00:35] TREY: It's so good to see you. And it's so good to not be seen by our listeners.
[00:00:40] CHELSEY: Well, unless you're on Patreon and then, God bless Ya!
[00:00:43] TREY: You beat me to it! Anyway. Hello everyone. And welcome to Review That Review the podcast dedicated to reviewing...
[00:00:52] CHELSEY: reviews! We're just like Siskel and Ebert only instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we rate and review those hilarious, scathing, and sometimes suspicious online reviews.
[00:01:04] TREY: That's Chelsey Donn.
[00:01:05] CHELSEY: And that's Trey Gerrald.
[00:01:07] TREY: And together, Chelsey and I had form
[00:01:10] VOICEOVER: The Review Queens.
[00:01:14] TREY: Chelsey-Chels. I see you've got a top knot and your headphones on. How's your crown today, Tracy?
[00:01:20] CHELSEY: Oh Che. You know what, I like the top knot usually before we record, I'm doing a little Pilates with Watch That Rock Pilates so this is whatcha getting.
[00:01:29] TREY: It's cute!
[00:01:30] CHELSEY: Thank you. My, my Crown's good today. I decided that I think we should expand the definition of crown. It's more like a head like your crown, like how's your, how's your keppy? How's your crown. How's that what's happening up there.
[00:01:44] TREY: Put your kippah on your keppy!
[00:01:46] CHELSEY: What's happening. Things are good. It's been an interesting week, had a little bit of a dental emergency and that's hard.My dad's a dentist, as I think I've maybe mentioned before, I've become very reliant on him and he lives across the country and somehow my teeth, they like, they have a schedule. They know when I'm going to be home and that's when generally issues pop up. But you know, this was the first time that an issue popped up and I couldn't get to him in time. So it was a little bit uh, jarring of an experience, but I'm getting through it. We're going to have, we're going to handle it. It's going to be fine.
[00:02:21] TREY: You just reminded me with this dental talk. Cause I, you know, I have a list of complaints that I can, I just collect them for the podcast. Yeah. And...
[00:02:30] CHELSEY: It's for work.
[00:02:31] TREY: It's for work. One of the very first things I wrote down was Winnie's breath, and she has a deep cleaning dental appointment where they have to put her on. In September.
[00:02:41] CHELSEY: It's scary. I get it. I've done it.
[00:02:43] TREY: I guess when this will be airing is in September, but regardless, I just thought about that. But you know, my week so far has been pretty good. This is a top secret ... So, I'm gonna cup my hands over my mic, as I tell you, David and I are planning a surprise trip. To Six Flags for our nephew. Denver has been staying with us.
[00:03:06] CHELSEY: Oh my God.
[00:03:07] TREY: So we've been secretly planning it. We're going to do it Thursday. So.
[00:03:10] CHELSEY: Aww! You guys are the best!
[00:03:13] TREY: I'm excited. I like roller coasters. I don't do as well on them as I did when I was younger, but I think it will be fun. As long as I have SPF.
[00:03:20] CHELSEY: I do not do well on the roller coasters at all. By the way, in case you're wondering.
[00:03:25] TREY: I do think it might be as you get older, I think like your center of gravity changes. I don't know. I just made that up.
[00:03:31] CHELSEY: I've never been a fan, but my like go-to, I usually only go to Disneyland. I feel like they have the most to lose. Six Flags, they got something to lose over there too, but I look in the line for the youngest person in line, and then I have a conversation with them. That really tends to make me feel better.
[00:03:46] TREY: Oh!
[00:03:47] CHELSEY: Yeah!
[00:03:48] TREY: Well...
[00:03:48] CHELSEY: ...just a little tip!
[00:03:49] TREY: Instead of feeling better, why don't we get into things that make us feel bad? Chelsey, would you like to
[00:03:55] VOICEOVER: Lodge a Complaint!
[00:03:56] CHELSEY: I'm so glad you asked, Trey, cause I've been waiting all week for this moment. Yes. I'd like to lodge a complaint against food shamers of any variety, particularly food shamers who shame you because you don't like a certain kind of food. Like. Like I don't like fish. I get it guys. Yes, I've tried it. Okay. I've tried a lot of different kinds of fish. I just don't like it it's a texture thing. I like, it's a flavor thing too, but like it's mostly a texture thing and I, I don't like it. And a lot of people really like fish and I think mazel to you, like, please enjoy your fish. I'm not going to stop you from enjoying your food, but stop harassing me. It's not... and yes, that means I don't eat sushi. Okay. That's usually the followup question.
[00:04:45] TREY: Yes, I can relate because I also am not a fish consumer. But you Chelsey, have no idea that you've just walked into a huge sense of turmoil for me. You know, I grew up as a Southern person in the south and my parents always cooked steaks well done. And I once went on a trip with a friend's family and we went to a steak house and I asked for my steak to be well done. And I was...
[00:05:12] CHELSEY: ...harassed?
[00:05:13] TREY: Harassed by the father and told how low class it was to do that, how it's offensive to the chef. And I had like literally no idea, you know, but it instilled this deep dark fear. And since now, you know, I've mentioned this a lot in this podcast, but now that I'm married to a Yankee that's Jewish, they are just sort of like, "Get your steak, how you want it done. Shut up with all this kvetching. It's like get it how you want!" You know, I mean, they still have food opinions, but they're sort of like, "what do you mean? Who cares! Get the steak how you want it. We're paying for it. It's our experience. Get the steak, how you want, you want it..." but, um,
[00:05:45] CHELSEY: It's so nice!
[00:05:45] TREY: I really, there really is like cultural opinion about someone who gets a steak. Well done and...
[00:05:51] CHELSEY: Oh my God. Yes. I used to order my state that way and I went to Nobu with my sister and yes, I didn't order fish. Okay?
[00:05:58] TREY: I've been there too! I've been there too!
[00:06:00] CHELSEY: So I got the steak. And I used to, I was like younger. I used to get at medium well or whatever. And I said, you know, they're like, how would you like it cooked? And I was like, medium. Well, and the waiter literally just goes, "medium?" I was like, no medium well, and she was like "medium?" And that happened like three times. And then finally I was like, yeah, medium. Yeah. Medium is good. Thanks.
[00:06:22] TREY: Well, that really is the conclusion of this conversation because I had trained myself to get my steaks medium because of other people's opinions on food.
[00:06:29] CHELSEY: There you go. I used to get ketchup with my steak when I was growing up.
[00:06:33] TREY: As a kid does.
[00:06:34] CHELSEY: Yeah. And my parents would make me like whisper it. You know? Or they'd ask for me, but like they'd whisper. I think like, "She'd like some ketchup.", you know what I mean? Like it was like...
[00:06:43] TREY: Wait, that reminds me of that like Neil Simon monologue, that every little boy does when they're like 11 or 12. And it's like, "my aunt got..." and you have to like, keep whispering that the aunt got cancer. Cause you can't tell the word cancer.
[00:06:57] CHELSEY: Right. Yeah.
[00:06:59] TREY: Anyway.
[00:07:00] CHELSEY: You can't say the word ketchup around steak either. Anyway. Give us your, your complaint. Let's hear it.
[00:07:07] TREY: Okay. This is so crazy. Cause Chelsey and I do not discuss prior to the podcast, but literally my complaint for today is when you are at a restaurant and someone asks the waiter, "what should I order? What's your opinion?" Okay, I understand that my experience of the world is not everyone else's, but I have been a waiter and I was trained as a waiter that when someone asks, you always answer with whichever dish is more expensive, and I know that that's not true and real, but I was trained to do that by some sheisty person who trained me, I don't know who it was. Also, I know that some waiters love their jobs and some are really compassionate about their tables getting gorgeous service, but like, I don't think anyone is as invested in your meal as you are. Unless it's like a balabusta mother that's like slaved away and whatever, like the waiter doesn't care. The waiter has no opinion for what you should eat. The waiter might not eat fish. So you're going to then go into a back and forth about, "oh, well I don't actually like fish, so, oh, what are you? So then what is your pref? Oh..." It just drives me crazy. Choose what it is that you want in your stupid stomach. Don't ask someone else who you're paying to bring it to the table. They don't care. Their opinion is irrelevant. It's possible. They're going to tell you the most expensive. Who knows, who cares? No one's trying to make friends with someone that they're turning tables. I