Updated: Sep 17, 2021
Transcript of Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald
Episode 14 "Nair for Men / Sesame Place"
for the differently abled and those who prefer to read.
Review That Review with Chelsey Donn and Trey Gerrald
THEME SONG: [00:00:00] Everybody's got an opinion.
Every Californian and Virginian.
It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.
Someone's gotta settle the score.
Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!
Whose views win, which ones lose.
Online haters are comin' for you!
Baby, it's time to Review That Review!
[00:00:30] BOTH: Hi!
[00:00:32] CHELSEY: It's so good to see you! Look at your little crown!
[00:00:35] TREY: It's so good to see you. And it's so good to not be seen by our listeners.
[00:00:40] CHELSEY: Well, unless you're on Patreon and then, God bless Ya!
[00:00:43] TREY: You beat me to it! Anyway. Hello everyone. And welcome to Review That Review the podcast dedicated to reviewing...
[00:00:52] CHELSEY: reviews! We're just like Siskel and Ebert only instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we rate and review those hilarious, scathing, and sometimes suspicious online reviews.
[00:01:04] TREY: That's Chelsey Donn.
[00:01:05] CHELSEY: And that's Trey Gerrald.
[00:01:07] TREY: And together, Chelsey and I had form
[00:01:10] VOICEOVER: The Review Queens.
[00:01:14] TREY: Chelsey-Chels. I see you've got a top knot and your headphones on. How's your crown today, Tracy?
[00:01:20] CHELSEY: Oh Che. You know what, I like the top knot usually before we record, I'm doing a little Pilates with Watch That Rock Pilates so this is whatcha getting.
[00:01:29] TREY: It's cute!
[00:01:30] CHELSEY: Thank you. My, my Crown's good today. I decided that I think we should expand the definition of crown. It's more like a head like your crown, like how's your, how's your keppy? How's your crown. How's that what's happening up there.
[00:01:44] TREY: Put your kippah on your keppy!
[00:01:46] CHELSEY: What's happening. Things are good. It's been an interesting week, had a little bit of a dental emergency and that's hard.My dad's a dentist, as I think I've maybe mentioned before, I've become very reliant on him and he lives across the country and somehow my teeth, they like, they have a schedule. They know when I'm going to be home and that's when generally issues pop up. But you know, this was the first time that an issue popped up and I couldn't get to him in time. So it was a little bit uh, jarring of an experience, but I'm getting through it. We're going to have, we're going to handle it. It's going to be fine.
[00:02:21] TREY: You just reminded me with this dental talk. Cause I, you know, I have a list of complaints that I can, I just collect them for the podcast. Yeah. And...
[00:02:30] CHELSEY: It's for work.
[00:02:31] TREY: It's for work. One of the very first things I wrote down was Winnie's breath, and she has a deep cleaning dental appointment where they have to put her on. In September.
[00:02:41] CHELSEY: It's scary. I get it. I've done it.
[00:02:43] TREY: I guess when this will be airing is in September, but regardless, I just thought about that. But you know, my week so far has been pretty good. This is a top secret ... So, I'm gonna cup my hands over my mic, as I tell you, David and I are planning a surprise trip. To Six Flags for our nephew. Denver has been staying with us.
[00:03:06] CHELSEY: Oh my God.
[00:03:07] TREY: So we've been secretly planning it. We're going to do it Thursday. So.
[00:03:10] CHELSEY: Aww! You guys are the best!
[00:03:13] TREY: I'm excited. I like roller coasters. I don't do as well on them as I did when I was younger, but I think it will be fun. As long as I have SPF.
[00:03:20] CHELSEY: I do not do well on the roller coasters at all. By the way, in case you're wondering.
[00:03:25] TREY: I do think it might be as you get older, I think like your center of gravity changes. I don't know. I just made that up.
[00:03:31] CHELSEY: I've never been a fan, but my like go-to, I usually only go to Disneyland. I feel like they have the most to lose. Six Flags, they got something to lose over there too, but I look in the line for the youngest person in line, and then I have a conversation with them. That really tends to make me feel better.
[00:03:46] TREY: Oh!
[00:03:47] CHELSEY: Yeah!
[00:03:48] TREY: Well...
[00:03:48] CHELSEY: ...just a little tip!
[00:03:49] TREY: Instead of feeling better, why don't we get into things that make us feel bad? Chelsey, would you like to
[00:03:55] VOICEOVER: Lodge a Complaint!
[00:03:56] CHELSEY: I'm so glad you asked, Trey, cause I've been waiting all week for this moment. Yes. I'd like to lodge a complaint against food shamers of any variety, particularly food shamers who shame you because you don't like a certain kind of food. Like. Like I don't like fish. I get it guys. Yes, I've tried it. Okay. I've tried a lot of different kinds of fish. I just don't like it it's a texture thing. I like, it's a flavor thing too, but like it's mostly a texture thing and I, I don't like it. And a lot of people really like fish and I think mazel to you, like, please enjoy your fish. I'm not going to stop you from enjoying your food, but stop harassing me. It's not... and yes, that means I don't eat sushi. Okay. That's usually the followup question.
[00:04:45] TREY: Yes, I can relate because I also am not a fish consumer. But you Chelsey, have no idea that you've just walked into a huge sense of turmoil for me. You know, I grew up as a Southern person in the south and my parents always cooked steaks well done. And I once went on a trip with a friend's family and we went to a steak house and I asked for my steak to be well done. And I was...
[00:05:12] CHELSEY: ...harassed?
[00:05:13] TREY: Harassed by the father and told how low class it was to do that, how it's offensive to the chef. And I had like literally no idea, you know, but it instilled this deep dark fear. And since now, you know, I've mentioned this a lot in this podcast, but now that I'm married to a Yankee that's Jewish, they are just sort of like, "Get your steak, how you want it done. Shut up with all this kvetching. It's like get it how you want!" You know, I mean, they still have food opinions, but they're sort of like, "what do you mean? Who cares! Get the steak how you want it. We're paying for it. It's our experience. Get the steak, how you want, you want it..." but, um,
[00:05:45] CHELSEY: It's so nice!
[00:05:45] TREY: I really, there really is like cultural opinion about someone who gets a steak. Well done and...
[00:05:51] CHELSEY: Oh my God. Yes. I used to order my state that way and I went to Nobu with my sister and yes, I didn't order fish. Okay?
[00:05:58] TREY: I've been there too! I've been there too!
[00:06:00] CHELSEY: So I got the steak. And I used to, I was like younger. I used to get at medium well or whatever. And I said, you know, they're like, how would you like it cooked? And I was like, medium. Well, and the waiter literally just goes, "medium?" I was like, no medium well, and she was like "medium?" And that happened like three times. And then finally I was like, yeah, medium. Yeah. Medium is good. Thanks.
[00:06:22] TREY: Well, that really is the conclusion of this conversation because I had trained myself to get my steaks medium because of other people's opinions on food.
[00:06:29] CHELSEY: There you go. I used to get ketchup with my steak when I was growing up.
[00:06:33] TREY: As a kid does.
[00:06:34] CHELSEY: Yeah. And my parents would make me like whisper it. You know? Or they'd ask for me, but like they'd whisper. I think like, "She'd like some ketchup.", you know what I mean? Like it was like...
[00:06:43] TREY: Wait, that reminds me of that like Neil Simon monologue, that every little boy does when they're like 11 or 12. And it's like, "my aunt got..." and you have to like, keep whispering that the aunt got cancer. Cause you can't tell the word cancer.
[00:06:57] CHELSEY: Right. Yeah.
[00:06:59] TREY: Anyway.
[00:07:00] CHELSEY: You can't say the word ketchup around steak either. Anyway. Give us your, your complaint. Let's hear it.
[00:07:07] TREY: Okay. This is so crazy. Cause Chelsey and I do not discuss prior to the podcast, but literally my complaint for today is when you are at a restaurant and someone asks the waiter, "what should I order? What's your opinion?" Okay, I understand that my experience of the world is not everyone else's, but I have been a waiter and I was trained as a waiter that when someone asks, you always answer with whichever dish is more expensive, and I know that that's not true and real, but I was trained to do that by some sheisty person who trained me, I don't know who it was. Also, I know that some waiters love their jobs and some are really compassionate about their tables getting gorgeous service, but like, I don't think anyone is as invested in your meal as you are. Unless it's like a balabusta mother that's like slaved away and whatever, like the waiter doesn't care. The waiter has no opinion for what you should eat. The waiter might not eat fish. So you're going to then go into a back and forth about, "oh, well I don't actually like fish, so, oh, what are you? So then what is your pref? Oh..." It just drives me crazy. Choose what it is that you want in your stupid stomach. Don't ask someone else who you're paying to bring it to the table. They don't care. Their opinion is irrelevant. It's possible. They're going to tell you the most expensive. Who knows, who cares? No one's trying to make friends with someone that they're turning tables. I'm not interested in being your friend. I'm going to be polite. I'm going to be pleasant. And then I'm going to give you your check and you're going to give me my tip. That's the end of the transaction. Always be pleasant. Don't snap your fingers. But don't ask the waiter for their opinion about what you're eating. That you're just going to shit out later. Like it makes me so mad.
[00:08:56] CHELSEY: Wow! Okay. I hear you. I feel like I fall on both sides of this because as the person like working, or like, as someone that, that empathizes with the waiter, I can understand how it's just like, I just want to get out of here, like how many more hours until my shift is done, you know? But then I've definitely done that. I like going to restaurants, I've been like, do you prefer the, this or the that? And I think I'm hoping that the waiter is going to be like, oh my God, you have to get the fried chicken. It's the best thing in the world.
[00:09:26] TREY: So let me clarify. Asking a this or that, is also annoying, but there is a distinction here. If, if it's out of genuine, like, 'wow, I really can't decide. Can you help me decide' versus someone that's like, 'Hey, uh, Hey, let's take up some time. Tell me what you recommend, Mr. Man?!' and it's like, what are you performing to the like what? No one is into this. This is disgusting.
[00:09:51] CHELSEY: Agree. Wow. I'm so glad we got both of those complaints out in the open and, on the outside, get it out,
[00:09:58] TREY: Agreed.
[00:09:58] CHELSEY: You know, no need to hold on to that.
[00:10:00] TREY: Why don't we jump into some inside stories from Yelp, Amazon, Google reviews, TripAdvisor, what do you think about that? Looking up some online written reviews and dissecting and breaking them down, Chels?
[00:10:12] CHELSEY: I think that's a really good idea, Trey. I don't know what made you think of that, but...
[00:10:16] TREY: It just came to me off the top of my head. Like maybe that would be something interesting for us to do.
[00:10:20] CHELSEY: Yeah. And now that you mention it, yeah, that would be great. Let's do that.
[00:10:25] TREY: Oh. Good.
[00:10:26] CHELSEY: As you know, we are your trusty Review Queens. We were just joking before we obviously know our role very well. We each bring in a review from the internet that we feel needs to be inspected.
[00:10:38] TREY: We read you the review, we break it down, we inspect it, we talk about it. And then we rate the impact of the review on a scale from one to five crowns. It's a very Regal process that we like to call.
[00:10:50] VOICEOVER: Assess That Kvetch!
[00:10:52] TREY: And kvetch means compaint.
[00:10:53] CHELSEY: That's great. This is, this is better than Yeddish with Dick and Jane, which I also own, um, "Kvetch means complaint. Kvetch, Jane, Kvetch! Anyway, um, Trey, I think your first cause I went first, last time. Right?
[00:11:09] TREY: Good job. That's right. Yeah.
[00:11:10] CHELSEY: Yay. I remember things. Okay. Take it away, RQ.
[00:11:18] VOICEOVER: Review that Review.
[00:11:22] TREY: Okay. I'm excited for today because I have a review from amazon.com. I also want to give a little shout out right here. A listener named Danielle sent me a review for something that was very funny and it sent me down a spiral. And then I landed on this review, which is not the one that Danielle sent, but I wouldn't have gotten here if it had not been for Danielle. So thank you, Danielle.
[00:11:47] CHELSEY: Yes. Thank you. Thank God for Danielle.
[00:11:49] TREY: Thank God. Okay.
[00:11:50] CHELSEY: Thank God. But we should hear the review that she sent too another time.
[00:11:53] TREY: It's coming.
[00:11:53] CHELSEY: Okay.
[00:11:54] TREY: All right. So today my review is a one-star review from amazon.com written by Santino.
[00:12:01] CHELSEY: No last name, just like he's like Oprah, Madonna, Santino.
[00:12:04] TREY: They also have no profile picture, so,
[00:12:06] CHELSEY: Oh, okay, great.
[00:12:07] TREY: For, Nair Hair Remover, men body cream, 368 milliliters pump.
[00:12:16] CHELSEY: Okay.
[00:12:17] TREY: By Nair.
[00:12:18] CHELSEY: Yeah, oof been there. All right, let's hear it from Santino.
[00:12:22] TREY: Santino's subject is cherries of fire. I had the absolute worst experience with this product. I put the cream on my privates because I wanted to get rid of the hair. And so I tried it on one major spot below my V line and it came off pretty smooth.
[00:12:47] TREY: At this point I was like, quote, "Damn. If it can get this part real smooth and get off all that hair, then I wonder how effective it will be on my cherries."
[00:13:05] CHELSEY: Oh no! Oh no. Oh no. Oh no!
[00:13:16] TREY: I think we know where this is going. Okay.
[00:13:19] CHELSEY: Not going to look at you.
[00:13:22] TREY: That's when I learned. What was to come next was the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life.
[00:13:33] TREY: I lathered the cream all over the parts that have hair and just waited in the bathroom with the shower on standby.
[00:13:43] CHELSEY: Oh No.
[00:13:46] TREY: After the recommended wait time, I turned on the shower and began washing off all the hair. Then after a few seconds, I felt a searing pain in my groin. Right...
[00:14:03] TREY: ...right below my cherries.
[00:14:09] TREY: Why is he using the word cherries?!
[00:14:17] CHELSEY: Oh no.
[00:14:18] TREY: Oh dear. Okay. Then after a few seconds, I felt a searing pain.
[00:14:34] TREY: You've gotta mute because I can't get through it. I just keep. It keeps. It's coming through the headphones so I just hear like. I just hear a...
[00:14:48] TREY: I already covered, I coverd you with my review.
[00:14:49] CHELSEY: I'll mute. I'll mute.
[00:14:49] TREY: Okay. You have to join Patreon so you can see Chelsey laughing. Okay. I'm covering her. Okay. Then after a few seconds, I felt a searing pain in my groin right below my cherries. And I swear to you, this was pain like no other. I went to check the source and I had a very small chemical burn right below my cherries. The water only made things worse and I was doing my best to wash off all the cream while enduring the worst pain I had ever felt. As I was washing it off, I made another fatal mistake. I went to the tip. And I was an even more pain than I was already in to begin with. So I finished washing it off. Got out of the shower and immediately did a fetal position in bed with this nonstop searing pain.
[00:15:45] TREY: I desperate currently looked online for information on how to stop the pain. And sources said I had to dip my cherries in some warm water for several days until the pain subsided. So I did that and the pain did in fact go away when it was in the water. And I swear to you, this lasted a whole seven or eight days. And going to the bathroom was impossible without a feeling of searing pain. I seriously do not recommend this product at all because it gave me the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. It might as well be used as a torture method because that's seriously how bad it was. All the hair did come of, but at what cost? Everything.
[00:16:42] CHELSEY: Oh my God! That was an Experience.
[00:16:46] TREY: Wait, I really was not anticipating this being... I didn't anticipate the laughing. So, I
[00:16:52] CHELSEY: WHAT?!
[00:16:53] TREY: I mean, I thought it was funny that the, that Santino refers to it as cherries, but I didn't think that it would tickle me, but wow. It really tickled us.
[00:16:59] CHELSEY: Oh my God. That was so funny. I've never heard anyone call them cherries before.
[00:17:05] TREY: Me either. I actually haven't either.
[00:17:07] CHELSEY: But I thought it was a great, great substitute for this forum because I obviously immediately knew.
[00:17:17] TREY: Yes. It's funny because using this code name, I then felt icky when Santino used the word, tip. It made me feel like, wait, no, we're talking about cherries.
[00:17:29] CHELSEY: I know. Let's go back to cherries. Yeah.
[00:17:32] TREY: Also 85 people found this helpful.
[00:17:34] CHELSEY: Oh my God, Okay.
[00:17:36] TREY: What's your thoughts?
[00:17:37] CHELSEY: First of all, I've been there. Santino I've been there. I I've dappled quite a bit with the Nair
[00:17:44] TREY: Oh. me too.
[00:17:45] CHELSEY: And even on the legs, here's where I'm confused. But I guess maybe this sounds like was a different experience in my like one time I had. You know, whatever Chub rub in the middle of my legs. And I put some, like, Nair on it and it burned like immediately. And then I was like, I got to get this off, like right now. And then it still was an experience for a few days. So I wonder. Santino had no, usually you get like a warning sign, like right before it happens. It seems like in Santino's experience, he waited the full eight minutes or whatever it was. And then it wasn't until he was in the shower, like washing everything off.
[00:18:22] TREY: Yeah, good point.
[00:18:23] CHELSEY: That he started to feel the pain, which again, not, not denying what happened here. This is serious, but like that was, that was surprising to me.
[00:18:31] TREY: Well, sometimes I have experienced with chest hair. I had to use Nair when I was doing a play as a drag queen. So I had to like do it constantly. And it does, like, I feel like it's like the wiping of the washcloth that kind of activates the sting.
[00:18:46] CHELSEY: Activates it. Yeah. So, so much here. First of all, like too much of a good thing, Santino, like if we would've just stopped at the V.
[00:18:54] TREY: Right.
[00:18:55] CHELSEY: We would have been okay. You know, but that's not what we do as humans. We need... once we find something good, we're just like the curiosity mind starts going. If this, then what about this? I mean, I don't have my own cherries obviously, but I imagine that's a sens... That's a very sensitive skin, you know? I don't know. I would think I wouldn't, it wouldn't be like shocking to me that you would have this reaction. Not that I'm saying he asked for it, but like, I don't think on the box, does it clarify it or not? Like, I don't think you're supposed to use it for that.
[00:19:28] TREY: It's interesting because now Nair makes a specific product called like 'Private' or something.
[00:19:33] CHELSEY: Right. And for the women, it's like, there's a separate Nair that's bikini, there's like bikini Nair, and then there's regular Nair. And it's like, you would never use regular Nair on the bikini Nair. Cause that would be a real catastrophe, like Santano clearly. Poor guy.
[00:19:49] TREY: But to your point, I appreciate that Santino literally quotes their thought process. I like how you're saying, it's like, we always want to, we go one step too far.
[00:19:59] CHELSEY: Yeah. Or like, oh, it's like, you can follow the narrative at least. Yikes. I appreciate that. And I've had the burn. It's terrible.
[00:20:07] TREY: Oh yeah.
[00:20:08] CHELSEY: It's a terrible gross...
[00:20:09] TREY: Well, that was, that was a question that occurred to me. Like, first of all, this whole process of seven or eight days of having to like tea bag your cherries in water. Like that is the most outrageous visual in the world, but also like wouldn't it hurt...like just being in underwear?
[00:20:25] CHELSEY: Oh, I'm sure everything hurt. Like, that's the thing, like it. It's a torture. You can't avoid it.
[00:20:31] TREY: Do you think that this is ...um... real?
[00:20:34] CHELSEY: I do.
[00:20:35] TREY: I do too, yeah, I do too.
[00:20:36] CHELSEY: I totally do. Just cause I could see this happening. I could see someone even like going to the ER for something like this.
[00:20:41] TREY: Oh yeah. And also like the only funny thing about the review is the use of the phrase cherries. I don't think Santino is trying to be funny. I think Santino is like...
[00:20:50] CHELSEY: I don't think he is, but like, it was hilarious. Like I was dying. I don't know. I, I thought it was like very funny.
[00:20:56] TREY: That's why I was a little disappointed. The only spelling error comes at the second to last sentence.
[00:21:03] CHELSEY: I know. I noticed that.
[00:21:04] TREY: It's so unfortunate.
[00:21:05] CHELSEY: We almost wanted to do a rewrite for him, but we can't.
[00:21:08] TREY: I know, I know
[00:21:10] CHELSEY: Cuz, we wouldn't be doing our job. I mean, God, the tip situation ... horrendous,
[00:21:17] TREY: Especially after you're already experiencing cherries of fire,
[00:21:21] CHELSEY: I'm having like a visceral response to this, like just reading it and I don't even have cherries. So like, I imagine any man reading, this would probably be like, this would be very impactful. I would think, I don't think it's going to stop anyone from ordering it, but we got to give Santino credit where credit is due and say, he's a good Samaritan. He took one for the team.
[00:21:48] TREY: That's what...
[00:21:48] CHELSEY: You know?
[00:21:49] TREY: Yes! Yes!
[00:21:49] CHELSEY: Like, I don't know where that falls on the Review Queen because it, it it's like, is it gonna make me not buy the product? Like probably not, but is it going to teach me a hard lesson that I don't need to go down this road on my own? Yes. Yes, it would. So it's like if anybody's thinking about buying this and reading through the products and thinking about getting a little bit freaky with their cherries and the Nair. Don't dip it there. It's not like a dollop of Daisy. It's a dollop of fire, you know what I mean?
[00:22:19] TREY: Crazy.
[00:22:19] CHELSEY: A dollop of Crazy!
[00:22:20] TREY: I mean, a lot of reviews for Nair mentioned just chemical burns in general. Cause it is like, it is like searing. I mean the use of the word searing. Yeah. But yeah, I, I do feel like this review it's listed as 85 people found it helpful, but I think that this is like, should go on labels. I mean, I think this should be like, this is the warning. Like, you don't do this, like, this is, this is for your chest hair, leg hair. Arm. Like, if you're a swimmer and you got it.
[00:22:48] CHELSEY: Don't get greedy.
[00:22:48] TREY: Just don't do the private sensitive areas. That's what he's saying.
[00:22:52] CHELSEY: Keep it above the belt, below the belt, but not at the belt, you know?
[00:22:57] TREY: If you were Santino's grandmother, would you hang this on your fridge?
[00:23:00] CHELSEY: Oh, no, I mean, first of all, if I were Santino, I don't know that I would be passing my cherry review along to my grandmother. I mean, I really feel for Santino here. I think, I think in terms of like his, um, empathy response. High.
[00:23:15] TREY: Oh, yeah.
[00:23:15] CHELSEY: I think that Nair is so funny to me, because it's like anything in life that is just like easy and breezy. There's always a consequence, you know what I mean? Like it's like Nair's, like, listen, like we created this amazing thing where instead of like getting on your, I don't know, hands and knees, shavin', doing all kinds of things, all you have to do is lather up. Right? Like it's a great thing, but it comes at a cost.
[00:23:41] TREY: Oh, and it smells so bad.
[00:23:43] CHELSEY: It smells heinous, but like, yes, it it's going to burn if you leave it on too long or if you put it in the wrong area. I don't know. It's so interesting when, when it comes to crowning, like these kind of products, because I feel like. Nair. It's just something we all know. We all know these facts about it. If we're going to buy Nair, I find that like, if I'm going on Amazon to buy Nair, is it because I'm like, what is the strange hair moving device?
[00:24:12] TREY: Right.
[00:24:13] CHELSEY: Or, have I used it?
[00:24:14] TREY: But like, it's possible, like teenagers. are born every day. And you know, if you, if you haven't considered this, then like I do think it's valuable. I also appreciate that Santino offers a value to Nair by saying, look, this could be used as a torture device. Like.
[00:24:35] CHELSEY: Right! I forgot about...
[00:24:36] TREY: Santino was not belittling the company, going angrily at them. It's actually just saying like, wow, this killed me. My poor cherries.
[00:24:45] CHELSEY: I shouldn't have done it.
[00:24:46] TREY: And for the love of God, don't make the same mistake,
[00:24:49] CHELSEY: Don't do it. Okay, anything else you feel like we need to consider before we crown?
[00:24:56] TREY: I don't think so. The, the spelling is exceptional, except for that one part. The grammar, I think, you know, I believe, yeah, let's crown it.
[00:25:03] CHELSEY: Let's crown.
[00:25:04] TREY: All right. So Chelsey and I each have our own set of one to five crown cards. In an effort to be fair and not influenced by one another's cherries. We will simultaneously reveal our ratings.
[00:25:16] CHELSEY: Good one!
[00:25:16] VOICEOVER: The Queens are Tabulating.
[00:25:20] TREY: I think, I know,
[00:25:21] CHELSEY: Okay. I think I know. Yeah.
[00:25:27] VOICEOVER: Total score!
[00:25:28] TREY: I'm doing it.
[00:25:29] CHELSEY: Wow! Trey gave it five crowns. The ultimate Review Queen. I give it four crowns today. Trey, tell us why Santino is a Review Queen.
[00:25:41] TREY: I was gonna do four and a half, but I just based on how it landed in the room today. I really didn't. I honestly didn't think it would like be hard to, to get through.
[00:25:50] CHELSEY: Yeah.
[00:25:51] TREY: I, I, I believe that Santino did not slander or slur Nair. They shared their experience, which I do believe is going to be very common for people because of this area. Um, I think that they. Directly to the point. And, um, it was highly entertaining and hilarious, but not intentionally. And I appreciated that it wasn't vulgar. And I just think it's a really huge like Surgeon General Warning here from, Santino, for free. So for that reason, I gave it five crowns. Ultimate, ultimate, ultimate. What about you? Tell me about four.
[00:26:28] CHELSEY: Yeah, I was also kind of between four and five. I pulled out my half crown. I thought about doing the four and a half. The only reason why I took anything off. And I don't really know if this is necessarily Santino's fault is just that I don't think that it would keep me from putting it in the cart. That's it, like, I think that I would read this and be like, thank you, Santano. Like well-worth the four crowns for just the knowledge alone, but I'm going to use it on just my V and just avoid the cherries. So like,
[00:27:00] TREY: You mean, the V line.
[00:27:02] CHELSEY: The V line. Yeah. That V. Everybody. Everybody knows a good V.
[00:27:06] TREY: The V line. Not the V.
[00:27:08] CHELSEY: Not the V. That's true. I should clarify.
[00:27:12] TREY: Nair for Men on your V.
[00:27:14] CHELSEY: This is for men, I'm talking about that V muscular thing. That's like underneath guys that have like eight packs anyway. So yeah, that was like why I took the, was considering between half and a full cause I don't think it would cause me to take an, a direct action in terms of consuming the product.
[00:27:32] TREY: Fair. That's totally fair. All right. Thanks. Santino. We hope your cherries are better
[00:27:37] CHELSEY: Santino. Yeah. Like thank you for, for the lessons and the entertainment. Cause that was hilarious.
[00:27:45] TREY: Woof! All right. Well, we did the first one, so let's go on a quick little break. And when we come back, we can take a journey deep into Chelsey's review.
[00:27:55] CHELSEY: Oh, my goodness. Can't wait, BRB!
[00:28:00] VOICEOVER: Hold your crown. We'll be right back.
[00:28:12] TREY: Oh, wow. Hey Queens. Look, we know that it can get super annoying to constantly be asked to rate and review, rate and review. Look, aside from the fact that our podcast is literally all about reviews. The reason we are asking is because it's important for us to know what you, the listener are thinking of the show so far. What do you love? What do you want less of? When you rate and review us, we get to hear what is resonating with you. And then you get a say. Now, as you know, Review That Review is an independent podcast, which means we gather all of our metrics based on what our community is telling us. We have made it easier to rate and review us with a super cute hyperlink, Henny!
[00:28:49] TREY: lovethepodcast.com/thereviewqueens
[00:28:54] TREY: It's also just one little click away in the show description below. We honestly really do appreciate it. Now, back to the show!
[00:29:17] TREY: Welcome back listeners and it is time for us to take a quick spin on the Meryl-Go-Round.
[00:29:24] VOICEOVER: I don't feel like an icon. Most of the days I feel like 'I can't!' That's with an A!
[00:29:35] CHELSEY: That's right. Get your admission tickets ready. Cause it is about to go round. Um, here's the deal. I really have a savin that. Okay. Here's the deal. Trey and I have each picked a rotten, scathing, pithy one-star zinger. And with 30 seconds on the clock, not a second more. We'll take turns, trying to recite the zinger in as many genres as possible.
[00:30:00] TREY: Just like queen Meryl, who slays everything she does.
[00:30:03] CHELSEY: True! Before the clock runs out.
[00:30:06] TREY: All right. So, Chels, you're first on the Meryl-Go-Round and I am so excited for you to be jumping on Euphigenia the donkey.
[00:30:15] CHELSEY: Oh, that sounded really.
[00:30:16] TREY: Euphigenia?
[00:30:17] CHELSEY: Why is everything that we're saying in this episode sounds very dirty.
[00:30:20] TREY: I don't know. Anyway, you're strapping into a donkey.
[00:30:24] CHELSEY: Oh!
[00:30:25] TREY: Did you not get that?
[00:30:27] CHELSEY: No, I did. I did. I did. Okay. Anyway
[00:30:34] TREY: Tell us your One Star Zinger!
[00:30:35] CHELSEY: I'm strapping into my Donkey. Uh, I have a one-star zinger. It is from, Google reviews for Applebee's, uh, in Chatsworth. It is...
[00:30:45] TREY: Oh, I love Applebee's.
[00:30:46] CHELSEY: Me too! Eatin' good in the neighborhood. Okay. So Philippe H says the saltiness food I've ever had. Stay away.
[00:30:58] TREY: Okay.
[00:30:59] CHELSEY: I hope I can. That's a long one for me.
[00:31:01] TREY: All right. So you're all strapped into your donkey. Are you ready for your trek around the Meryl-Go-Round?
[00:31:08] CHELSEY: I I suppose I'm ready. Yes.
[00:31:10] TREY: All right. TLC reality show
[00:31:16] VOICEOVER: the saltiness
[00:31:16] CHELSEY: food I ever had stay away. I don't know what that is.
[00:31:20] TREY: Opera diva, the,
[00:31:22] VOICEOVER: his food
[00:31:26] TREY: magic show. A
[00:31:28] CHELSEY: saltiness food. I bet.
[00:31:31] TREY: Awake Shakespeare.
[00:31:33] CHELSEY: The saltiness. I have our hat
[00:31:37] TREY: courtroom drama,
[00:31:41] VOICEOVER: clay away.
[00:31:46] TREY: Very good. You got five, my Queen!
[00:31:49] CHELSEY: That's good for a long one.
[00:31:51] TREY: Yeah, that's a really good.
[00:31:52] CHELSEY: Yeah, I feel good about that.
[00:31:53] TREY: I really love your magic show. Cause you always have such Regal magic hands.
[00:31:57] CHELSEY: My magic hands. You have to. You can't be a magician without magic hands.
[00:32:02] TREY: Duh.
[00:32:02] CHELSEY: That being said, Trey let's. What do you, I mean, you're going to be strapped into... I don't know why I got this vision for you, but I was imagining like, um, a giant Magic 8 Ball that you're riding like a wrecking ball.
[00:32:17] TREY: Like Miley Cyrus?
[00:32:20] CHELSEY: Yeah.
[00:32:20] TREY: Well, that goes to with my zinger actually.
[00:32:22] CHELSEY: Oh really? That was what, that was. What the universe handed me for you.
[00:32:27] TREY: Oh, well I'm glad. So today my one star zinger is from Amazon prime and it is a one-star review from Jeannie B. For "Big time toys, moon shoes, bouncy shoes, mini trampolines for your feet. One size black, new and approved bounce your way to fun, very durable, no tool assembly athletic development, up to 160 pounds. Moon shoes."
[00:32:54] CHELSEY: Oh my God. That's a wordy title.
[00:32:58] TREY: This is Jeannie B's. One star review. The subject is, is don't buy. Easy to break a ankle stupid product.
[00:33:06] CHELSEY: Mm, okay, Well strap onto that magic 8 wrecking ball, Trey. I think it's the cherries.
[00:33:21] CHELSEY: Okay, I'm ready. Let's do it.
[00:33:23] VOICEOVER: Okay.
[00:33:28] CHELSEY: Teen drama,
[00:33:30] VOICEOVER: you can
[00:33:31] TREY: ankle stupid products where it's announcer easy to break our product. AME Shao, easy to break it. Ankles stupid product. Opera
[00:33:43] VOICEOVER: diva
[00:33:50] VOICEOVER: auctioneer. I'm gonna rock
[00:33:57] TREY: this stupid product.
[00:33:58] VOICEOVER: That's all
[00:33:59] CHELSEY: Do I give that to you? I'll give that to you.
[00:34:02] TREY: I do think that literally every single time in the existence of life game show has followed auctioneer for me.
[00:34:10] CHELSEY: It's random. I always mix them up, but anyway, Trey,
[00:34:15] TREY: What I get?
[00:34:16] CHELSEY: You got six and you're the winner.
[00:34:18] TREY: I was really hoping that... Thank you. Thank you. I was hoping I would get eight since I was on a magic eight ball.
[00:34:25] CHELSEY: Well, I think the magic eight ball predicted that you would win. And you did!
[00:34:29] TREY: Did you ever have moon shoes as a kid?
[00:34:32] CHELSEY: I don't know. My sister used to have those shoes that have the pump in them that like you can like pump 'em up.
[00:34:37] TREY: No! Those were Magic Jordans
[00:34:39] CHELSEY: Oh, okay. Well,
[00:34:40] TREY: Those were air air magic. Yeah,
[00:34:43] TREY: yeah,
[00:34:44] TREY: yeah.
[00:34:44] TREY: So these were like rubber band shoes that like you bounced around, like you were on the moon. Oh my God. There was so cool. Anyway. All right. I won!
[00:34:54] CHELSEY: You won! Winner! Good job!
[00:34:57] VOICEOVER: Review that Review.
[00:35:01] TREY: All right. So we're back from that rousing rousing bouncing game break. And it's your turn, Chelsey, where is your review from this week?
[00:35:09] CHELSEY: My review is from Sesame Place, which is in the Philadelphia area. I went there when I was a kid in like elementary school once. This is a Yelp review written by Sara R.
[00:35:22] TREY: How does Sara spell her name?
[00:35:24] CHELSEY: Sara spells her name... Good question. Sara spells her name. SA R A - Sara R! One star review of Sesame Place.
[00:35:36] CHELSEY: Criminals and thieves. They continue to charge pass members and won't refund for Character Dines that they canceled. They refused to answer questions about season pass members and tickets, and won't answer phone calls or messages. They closed their doors due to the shutdown, but still believe they have a right to charge for a park. They won't be opening. This is a class action suit in the making. Refund all our money for character dines and passes. No one will want to go to your Germ-infested park if you even open this year. They are criminals.
[00:36:20] CHELSEY: When asked for a refund for the two Dines, they canceled in March, St. Pats and Easter. They said only credits would be issued and I'd have to pay the difference when I retook in the summer, because those Dines cost more. Then they told me I couldn't combine those two Dines to equal and actually surpass the price of a summer dine. They are thieves.
[00:36:48] CHELSEY: They also said no refunds of any kind for season pass holders. They continue to charge month after month for passes we can't use because-
[00:36:59] CHELSEY: ... Did they just copy this? No. Okay.
[00:37:03] CHELSEY: They continue to charge month after month for passes we can't use because of the shutdown. They say they will give us Sesame Dollars to use in their gift shop. They also refuse to commit to an exact dollar amount. No one wants their crap. And I don't want to go to the park, even if they open because they can't keep it in clean and crowds down before this mess happened. So no way they do it now. Little babies are germ magnets. They are assholes.
[00:37:35] CHELSEY: Crowds, if they open, no way can they operate at normal capacity, you are always arm and arm. If they redeuced the number of people allowed in the park, they will be at capacity before the crowd already lined up, waiting for the gates to open are through. They are liars.
[00:37:57] CHELSEY: This park is a mess. These owners are hiding. They have no clue what they are doing and hoping we shut up and go away. I want a full refund for everything now. They should be in jail!
[00:38:19] TREY: Wow. Okay. Wait, wait, wait, I have to start this by asking, what is Sesame Place?
[00:38:26] CHELSEY: Okay. So, Sesame Place is a theme park with Sesame Street characters, basically.
[00:38:32] TREY: And then what is this? They say the word dine over and over. What does that mean?
[00:38:36] CHELSEY: I know. So Dine, I'm assuming like, you know, character dining experiences. So it's like have dinner with Elmo and if you're a member or whatever, you get X amount of those, but then the ones in the summer, maybe like Elmo and Friends and it's like way more expensive.
[00:38:53] TREY: Right.
[00:38:54] CHELSEY: So that's what I think. Okay. So here's what I, I mean, I, let me let you go first. Go first.
[00:38:59] TREY: Well, I'm also curious, I wish that we had created .Listeners, you should maybe go back, rewind and play a drinking game every time. Uh, Sara R uses the word criminal, or thief or a liar.
[00:39:13] CHELSEY: Or they are!
[00:39:14] TREY: Or they, oh, if you played, they are, you'd be dead.
[00:39:17] CHELSEY: Yes. Anyway.
[00:39:20] TREY: Tell me.
[00:39:20] CHELSEY: Here's my thought. Okay. So this is what I feel like. This is what I feel like happened. I feel like Sara R wrote 3, 4 drafts of the same thing.
[00:39:30] TREY: Yes, that's correct.
[00:39:32] CHELSEY: She just decided to put them all in instead, like it's like every single one of these paragraphs are the same, except they either end with they're criminals. They're thieves, they're assholes. They are liars. They should be in jail. Other than that, each paragraph is the same information. When I was reading the third paragraph, I had to stop because I thought I was reading the first paragraph again, like it is absurd. The redundancy. I mean, this review is ridiculous.
[00:40:00] TREY: And it is, it's interesting because I think the point here is outrageously valid, but the deliverance, dur-ner-ner-ner-ner-ner-ner ner-ner-ner, is so horrifying, like...
[00:40:12] CHELSEY: I mean.
[00:40:13] TREY: Cause I do have a question who, who owns Sesame Street? Isn't that like this isn't this a Sesame Place because whoever that owner like can't you go to your credit card company and be like, stop payment on this...
[00:40:25] CHELSEY: ...dispute the charge. Yeah, you probably could do that. I wonder why she doesn't do that, I dunno.
[00:40:30] TREY: But, regardless. That's already like asking too much, like, why are they still charging passes? Everything was closed up.
[00:40:38] CHELSEY: Yeah. I mean, well, that's the problem is that like, Sara R did have a message somewhere within this Sara R's delivery was not good.
[00:40:48] TREY: Children are nasty germ people or whatever she wrote.
[00:40:50] CHELSEY: Yeah. I mean, yeah. I mean, but she said the same thing. She said I'm, that's what I'm saying. Like, it's literally, like she made multiple drafts of this, of like the same thing. So the first paragraph ends with no one. No one will want to go to your germ infested park. If you ever opened this year, they are criminals. And then the third paragraph that I thought it was the same as little babies are germ magnets. They are assholes. And also who's assholes? The babies?
[00:41:16] TREY: That's what I thought at first.
[00:41:17] CHELSEY: Like in this sentence? You know what I mean?
[00:41:20] TREY: But then their whole point is like, why are you charging us if you're not open and then it's like, you can't open because you're a germy. So it's like, wait, what, isn't your point that you want your money back? Like you, what?
[00:41:31] CHELSEY: I just think Sara R thought that she was being so creative with this review. Cause if you look at it the way it's like divided up into paragraphs and each one ends with, they are something with an exclamation point, it was like Sara R was asked to submit her graduation speech. And she was like, I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to end with the same sentence and really pack a punch.
[00:41:57] TREY: That really feels like, like an exercise we did in like middle school, like language class, where you had to like end each paragraph with a repeating theme.
[00:42:07] CHELSEY: Right. But the idea behind doing that is like, I bring you deeper and deeper and deeper into understanding the situation. And then I'm repeating me initial statement and it means something different or more significant each time you hear it.
[00:42:19] TREY: But that doesn't-
[00:42:20] CHELSEY: that does not occur for Sara R.
[00:42:23] TREY: So. Okay. So we get the grammatical structure here. What about the spelling? Is there stuff going on there?
[00:42:29] CHELSEY: Yeah. So about a third of the way through, in the beginning, I was thinking college educated and like polished about a third of the way through we started having some copy editing errors. That's when I was like, is there a cut and paste here that's like incorrect because it felt very redundant. It gets very obvious that they want it to look a certain way on the screen. And it does look a certain way. But, in terms of like spelling and grammar as this person is spelling and grammar queen? No, Sara R made, made some errors here on that as well.
[00:43:01] TREY: That just reminded me of like in school when you would have to write a 500 word essay. And so, you know, like, okay, it has to look this long and be this many characters, but the actual like material inside is just, you're re you're repeating sentences in different ways, because you're hoping that you'll be the one essay that the teacher doesn't actually read.
[00:43:21] CHELSEY: Right. Exactly. Exactly. So if I was just looking at this just by looks alone, like when they saw it as I was scrolling through yelp...
[00:43:28] TREY: You're attracted to it!
[00:43:30] CHELSEY: Yeah. I was cause I was like, oh, this these paragraphs, I got these caps and, oh assholes by the way, um, was written in...
[00:43:37] TREY: Money signs?
[00:43:38] CHELSEY: Yes.
[00:43:39] TREY: How'd I know?!
[00:43:41] CHELSEY: I don't know. But as I think a creative choice because we're talking about them being money-grubbing yeah. Like whatever. So they are assholes does have dollar signs in it and assholes jail, liars, thieves, and criminals. All caps.
[00:43:55] TREY: I'm curious here. I mean, it does sound like it would be fun. I'm curious. I do think that this is all because of the global pandemic. So I'm struggling here with is this is a common experience or a fluke because it's closed currently, still I'm imagining and so, I mean, I guess there is some sort of an impact, cause...
[00:44:15] CHELSEY: Yeah, I mean, it definitely seems like this is a common issue amongst people that were pass holders.
[00:44:21] TREY: Yes, exactly.
[00:44:22] CHELSEY: And I think maybe this is the type of thing where if you're a family and you live in the area, it's like pretty common to get a pass.
[00:44:30] TREY: This is interesting to me. Okay. So, all right. Do you think that Sara is being truthful? I do. I believe her...them.
[00:44:37] CHELSEY: Yeah! I believe them. I just think that, they should have maybe like made their, their point a little bit more direct.
[00:44:44] TREY: I think Sara could have cut two of these seven paragraphs and the point would have been more clear because it would have been more succinct.
[00:44:52] CHELSEY: Yeah. I think maybe like in the future, we'll have a segment where we do the editing for Sara, and then we say, does the pack up better punch?
[00:45:00] TREY: That's really funny. I mean, all right. Anything else here?
[00:45:04] CHELSEY: I don't think so. I think I'm ready to crown it. Are you?
[00:45:07] TREY: It's interesting to me that early in the review, Sara mentions that this is a class action suit waiting to happen. Sara, maybe. I, I wonder if Sara is in pre-law.
[00:45:17] CHELSEY: Thanks for saying that. At first, when I was reading the first paragraph, I thought Sara seems like a lawyer or a law student to me, but then as things went on, I was like, uh, she lost her argument towards the end.
[00:45:30] TREY: Oh yeah. Objection.
[00:45:31] CHELSEY: Objection, your honor.
[00:45:33] TREY: You may cross examine the witness. All right, I'm ready to crown it.
[00:45:37] CHELSEY: I'm ready. Let's do it.
[00:45:40] VOICEOVER: The Queens are Tabulating.
[00:45:44] TREY: Uh, you ready?
[00:45:47] CHELSEY: Eh, alright.
[00:45:51] VOICEOVER: Total Score!
[00:45:52] TREY: So I have two and Chelsey has two and a half. I almost did two and a half. I almost said one and a half. I went, I explained first, so why don't you explain.
[00:46:00] CHELSEY: I'll explain. Um, so I did two and a half because I felt like the information is probably truthful and valid. I think season pass holders are getting screwed over. And I think that this is something that like maybe they'll will, there will be a class action and if I was someone that got season passes, maybe I would want to know that there's others out there like me. But other than that, it was like, she lost the argument for me and just the repeated over and over again, it was theatrically funny to me, the like, these are whatever, but in terms of it being an impactful review or calling Sara R a Review Queen. I mean, I wasn't ready to take it there. Why did you, why'd you do two?
[00:46:44] TREY: Same for me. I really did feel that like, this will have to be addressed once the world is back and normal, but I also recognize the pinch of this money constantly being taken out and no one is addressing it or doing anything to rectify the situation and we're in this situation. So it's, it's difficult for Sara and for families if you are having challenges financially, and this closed park keeps taking your money, like I recognize, and it would be frustrating that they said, we'll give you Sesame Dollars, but like, they don't tell you what the actual, like, I recognize this as a problem. To me, it feels like. I didn't even know what Sesame Place was. So if I was researching, it's currently closed, so we can't go anyway. I'm maybe making that up, but I don't know. It just felt to me that it's, the information is truthful, I'm trusting, but it's just sort of like, it doesn't, it wouldn't stop me from going.
[00:47:38] CHELSEY: Yes.
[00:47:38] TREY: So for that reason I gave it just, I just gave it two crowns.
[00:47:42] CHELSEY: We're very, we're very much on the same page with Sara R.
[00:47:46] TREY: High five!
[00:47:46] CHELSEY: High five to us.