TRANSCRIPT of Episode 3: "Valley of the Dolls Audiobook / Times Square Olive Garden"

Updated: Sep 17, 2021

Transcript of Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald Episode 3 "Valley of the Dolls Audiobook / Times Square Olive Garden" for the differently abled and those who prefer to read.

Review That Review with Chelsey Donn and Trey Gerrald

Episode 3

THEME SONG: [00:00:00] Everybody's got an opinion.

Every Californian and Virginian.

It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.

Someone's gotta settle the score.

Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!

Who's views win, which ones lose.

Online haters are comin' for you!

Baby, it's time to Review That Review!

TREY: [00:00:30] Hi!

CHELSEY: [00:00:31] Hi! Oh My God. I love that.

TREY: [00:00:33] I just, um, interrupted in the jingle to show this beautiful lion that I bought from Home Goods today. She's wearing a crown anyway. Uh, welcome to Review That Review. This is episode three of the podcast dedicated to reviewing...

CHELSEY: [00:00:49] ...Reviews! We're just like Siskel and Ebert only instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we rate and review those hilarious, scathing, and sometimes suspicious online reviews.

TREY: [00:01:01] Mmm-hmm, Yep. That's true. And that's - speaking right then - was Chelsey Donn!

CHELSEY: [00:01:06] And that's Trey Gerrald.

TREY: [00:01:08] and together we're:

VOICEOVER: [00:01:10] The Review Queens!

CHELSEY: [00:01:14] How's her your crown today. Trey?

TREY: [00:01:16] You know, I opted for a Tiara. It just sort of felt right.

CHELSEY: [00:01:21] How's your week been?

TREY: [00:01:23] Wow! You know, honestly, it's been a really good week. I was fortunate to go visit my sister who lives in North Carolina.

CHELSEY: [00:01:32] That's right!

TREY: [00:01:32] She, yeah, she's very pregnant. She's due like in less than six weeks. And, um, her first child is about to become TWO! Well. He turns two in six weeks. So like her due date is literally, almost exactly his birthday.

CHELSEY: [00:01:47] Ugh!

TREY: [00:01:48] I know it's crazy.

CHELSEY: [00:01:49] That's scary. I hope they don't have the same birthday.

TREY: [00:01:51] Yeah. She also hopes that as well. And then my mom's birthday is like a week before, so she's also hoping like it doesn't land on that day as well. Uh, yeah. I actually had a good week. What about, like what about you? How was your week?

CHELSEY: [00:02:04] I had a pretty good week. I, you know, back in LA now as well. So back in my home turf and back to doing a little bit of my freelance work and I had to plan an eight year old's birthday party yesterday. So that was. Fun. Also, there was, um, a bit of a like olive oil spill. One of the kids knocked olive oil off the table. And so there was shattered glass everywhere, which was a nightmare, but also the olive oil was a nightmare as well. So...

TREY: [00:02:38] When you said olive oil. My first thought was like Shelley Duvall. In the Popeye's movie. Why?

CHELSEY: [00:02:45] What do you mean?

TREY: [00:02:46] You said olive oil and instead of..

CHELSEY: [00:02:48] Oh! Olive Oil!, like olive oil, the character "Olive Oil."

TREY: [00:02:51] Yeah, why did I think that?

CHELSEY: [00:02:53] I don't know. Cause maybe you're just not expecting me to say that? You were like, I don't know your mind was on Popeye.

TREY: [00:02:59] But I've never, like, I haven't thought of that movie in years.

CHELSEY: [00:03:02] I don't know, but it's like if you're going to spill glass terrible, but the olive oil really just took us over the edge.

TREY: [00:03:09] Yeah, well, it's a very precious...

CHELSEY: [00:03:10] ...yeah, it is. It's a precious item. It's not something you want to waste, but I'm fine. I'm good. All in all life is good. LA is beautiful. I can't really complain, but I'm sure we're gonna find a way to do it anyway.

TREY: [00:03:27] Oh, that sounds like a beautiful segue.

CHELSEY: [00:03:29]

VOICEOVER: [00:03:30] Lodge A Complaint.

TREY: [00:03:32] Oh boy.

CHELSEY: [00:03:33] All right.

TREY: [00:03:33] Okay.

CHELSEY: [00:03:33] Do you have something you want to complain about this week?

TREY: [00:03:36] Yeah. Okay. So I, this is sort of a tangent, but I am taking this platform to officially Lodge A Complaint against commercial jingle writers.

CHELSEY: [00:03:48] Mmmmm!

TREY: [00:03:48] Okay. So I, at my sister's house, I took on the task of making the Spanish rice when we were making, um, quesadilla night. And it was a box of Rice-A-Roni, which I don't, I think I've never in...

CHELSEY: [00:04:01] San Francisco Treat!

TREY: [00:04:01] ... my life, okay. Hello. I haven't purchased Rice-A-Roni like, I don't think ever actually but I. Like you just did. I was emptying the box and I was like, "Rice-A-Roni, San Francisco treat!" And then I could not get it out of my head.

CHELSEY: [00:04:19] Awwwwww!

TREY: [00:04:21] And then my sister, like I mentioned it, my sister and I have this like running joke because there's this commercial. I never saw it until I lived in New York, but It's like a bunch of people on a city bus and there's like a lady dressed up as like the opera, like diva with the braids and the crown. And there's like a lawyer. And then there's like a mom and whatever, but it's like, "When you have a structured settlement and you need cash now. Call J G Wentworth! Eight

BOTH!: [00:04:50] Eight seven seven Cash-NOW!


TREY: [00:04:53] Wait,

CHELSEY: [00:04:53] I remember that.

TREY: [00:04:54] Wait, You remember it from like New Jersey or like from LA.

CHELSEY: [00:04:58] I think it was an east coast thing, but I definitely remember it cause it would play like all the time.

TREY: [00:05:05] Have you ever heard the Carmel jingle?

CHELSEY: [00:05:07] Carmel? Remind me...

TREY: [00:05:08] It's like a car service. It really...

CHELSEY: [00:05:10] oh.

TREY: [00:05:10] ...happened in that moment right before like Uber and Lyft took off.

6, 6, 6, 6, 6 66.

CHELSEY: [00:05:18] Oh, no.

TREY: [00:05:18] Goin' to the airport, driving around town, shopping for a movie, the best rides in town, anywhere to go. Carmel is the number to know!," but it was like clearly a non-union commercial because none of the people are like, they just seem to kind of amateur like no judgment, like, and they like have to mouth the lyrics. And there's this one guy on the left probably like has never taken a dance class in his life. And it's just, It is like, chef's kiss so beautiful, but he like, can't it is just, gosh, I, when I think of Carmel, I think of this guy! Anyway. Oh, okay. Anyway, that's the whole point is I could not say stop singing the "San Francisco Treat."

It was stuck in my head, the entire trip. So I'm Lodging A Complaint because that's precious, like memory space, like it's so obnoxious to me and yes, it's fun. Haha. Like there's even like an Ellen standup joke. Like from back in the day before she had a talk show about like, you know, the Michelin man or like

CHELSEY: [00:06:21] By Mennen! Yeah.

TREY: [00:06:23] But boy, is that true? So I'm officially lodged that complaint all commercial jingle writers. You must do better except major kudos to our podcast, jingle

CHELSEY: [00:06:34] Which also gets stuck in my head all the time, but I don't care...

TREY: [00:06:36] but that's good. So good job, Joe Kinosian and great job, Natalie Weiss, the vocalist.

CHELSEY: [00:06:41] I guess the question is like, at what point do we change it up? Like we gotta give kudos to Rice-A-Roni, cause they've been holding on to that jingle for, God, decades.

TREY: [00:06:51] But you know who else has been holding onto it? ME! Cause I can't get it out of my head. And that is my complaint. Chelsey. Do you have any complaints you want to lodge?

CHELSEY: [00:07:00] I do. I have the complaint about false advertising on packaging.

TREY: [00:07:05] Whoa, we're both doing ads. Interesting.

CHELSEY: [00:07:08] Oh yeah. Interesting. I didn't think about that. Yeah, so I ...granted was at Rite-Aid so like expectations should be low. I wanted to get a little like present for the eight year old and there's this game, I think it's called the ladder toss or something where you have.

These two balls stay with me and they're attached by a string and you kind of launch it in the air. And the goal is to get the balls to wrap around one of the rings of the ladder, but not fall off. Okay. So I was like, oh, this is fun. It's getting hot out summer.

TREY: [00:07:47] Question...

CHELSEY: [00:07:48] ...nice outdoor game. Question?

TREY: [00:07:50] Is this like the like Rite-Aid branded, like $5 game situation.

CHELSEY: [00:07:55] Now, it was not Rite-Aid branded, however, it was 50% off.

TREY: [00:08:01] Okay. Keep going.

CHELSEY: [00:08:02] So maybe that should have cued me up, but I've played this game before and the box looked exactly like the version of the game that I had played before at my friends. And we had a jolly old time and it was great. And I was like, wow, what a steal for this game? I can't believe my friend Chris and Steph... maybe they bought this at Rite-Aid. Wow, I'm going to get this for the kids. It's going to be a great hit. And then I took it out of the box and it wasn't, it was like laughable how different the product inside the box was from the photo on the outside. Like it was just not even in the same league. It was probably like half the size. They clearly purchased the good version, did a whole photo shoot with the good version of the product, and then stuck some dreck inside the box. And that's why it was half off clearly. Really learnt my lesson, but I am lodging a complaint against false photographic advertising on the outside of your box.

And there were lots of sexual innuendos in that... unintended!

TREY: [00:09:10] Oh, yes. Yes.

CHELSEY: [00:09:12] Just saying!

TREY: [00:09:13] Pure of heart. Pure of mind. Chelsey Donn.

CHELSEY: [00:09:17] I'm holding my crown high. Okay. But I will say: messed up. I'm glad I got to talk to you about that. Cause like I had to play it off. Like it was okay in front of the kids.

TREY: [00:09:28] Well, that's what I was going to say is I recognize that you're like, oh my gosh, like, I'm a cool person. It's like, we're at that age when it's like, you're the aunt or uncle. And you're like, okay, I know that you had this amazing little contraption in your hands that can do literally anything. But when I was your age, we played with a ladder and a ball and string and oh my gosh, I got it here.

And then it's uh, like you're already facing an uphill battle. Like.

CHELSEY: [00:09:55] Yeah, and I really like oversold it too. I was like, "Hey, guys! Got a lawn game for us!". You know?

TREY: [00:10:01] Oh my God.

CHELSEY: [00:10:02] It's okay. I'm. Okay. Now I do feel better. Now that we've discussed it.

Ah, it's exhale time. Gotta let it out. I feel great. I feel great about letting that out. Do you feel good?

TREY: [00:10:17] I feel really good, actually, yes.

CHELSEY: [00:10:19] Yeah. I think it's time for us to hear some other people's complaints.

TREY: [00:10:22] Hey, that sounds great. Cause I think that that's why we're all here.

CHELSEY: [00:10:27] Yeah. As you guys know, we are your trusty Review Queens. We each bring in a review from the internet that we feel needs to be inspected. We read you the review, we break it down and then we rate the impact. Other view on a scale from one to five crowns, it's a very Regal process that we call.

VOICEOVER: [00:10:47] Assess That Kvetch!

TREY: [00:10:49] Oh, but Chelsey, my dear, for those of us who don't speak Yiddish, what does that word mean?

CHELSEY: [00:10:53] 'Kvetch!' It means complaints like, "I'm kvetching!"

TREY: [00:10:58] Oy Gut!.

CHELSEY: [00:11:00] Oy Gavalt! Rolls right off the tongue, right? Am I first, or are you first?

TREY: [00:11:05] I'm first? I'm first.

CHELSEY: [00:11:06] Your first yay. Takes the pressure off me. All right. Take it away. Trey. You Review Queen. Let's do it.

VOICEOVER: [00:11:15] Review That Review.

TREY: [00:11:19] This one I'm actually like, I'm excited about... I'm a little nervous about,

CHELSEY: [00:11:23] Don't be nervous.

TREY: [00:11:24] okay. So my review today is from Audible Books.

CHELSEY: [00:11:29] Mmmm. My Fave!

TREY: [00:11:31] And this is a review of the narration of Valley of the Dolls.

CHELSEY: [00:11:37] Oh, wow. Okay. I'm gonna take notes.

TREY: [00:11:40] And this is like, they rate on a bunch of different scales for audible books. So there's like the overall score, then there's the performance score. And then there's the story score. So overall is a two out of five stars, performance is a one out of five stars. And then story is three out of five. And this is from Terry B.

CHELSEY: [00:12:03] Okay. Terry B.

TREY: [00:12:05] All right. The subject here is all caps. Don't do it. This was by far and away, the worst narration ever. Although I enjoyed Laverne Cox in Orange is the New Black her performance here parentheses or lack thereof was nothing short of embarrassing. I had never read this classic and decided that I would persevere through the bad narration and just focus on the amazing writing by Susann. Impossible.

"Impossible." Sorry. No matter how hard I tried, I could not force myself to continue. The characters were indistinguishable. And constantly changed throughout. I wished I had returned this book and considering this was an Audible Exclusive, you would think that they would invest in a strong performer for the narration.

If you want to read this book, then do just that. Read it. Do not waste a credit to listen to it.



CHELSEY: [00:13:20] Wow. Terry B, that was intense. I also love Laverne Cox. And so if you're not paying for the Patreon and you did not see the video, my mouth was open just completely in shock for the first part of that review. Cause I, I love her.

TREY: [00:13:42] She's an icon.

CHELSEY: [00:13:43] She's an icon.

TREY: [00:13:45] hero.

CHELSEY: [00:13:46] A True hero. all of us should be so lucky.

To grace, the earth with her magnitude.

TREY: [00:13:53] But I, I guess, um, Terry did not.

CHELSEY: [00:13:56] Terry didn't agree. So like, I'm going to need to try to put my own personal feelings aside a little bit of Laverne Cox to try to dissect this review because whew, ouch.

TREY: [00:14:12] It is, this is interesting to me because it's specifically a review of the narration of the book, which I, which is why I thought it was interesting, like for an audible review, because it's literally only about how horrible Laverne Cox's performance of narration was.

CHELSEY: [00:14:31] Yeah, I mean, that's true. I like I'm somebody that listens to audibles all the time.

TREY: [00:14:37] oh, really?

CHELSEY: [00:14:37] Yes, I do. And I have a lot of heated conversations about people with people about whether or not I'm allowed to say that I read the book if I listened to it on audible, which is another discussion for another time.

However, I will say that the narration does make all the difference in the world. When you have a great storyteller who can really change up their voice and things like that, it really does make the experience of, digesting the story that much more enjoyable. So I'm with Terry on, yes.

I think that the narration can, can affect the experience. So I'll give her that to say was the worst narration ever. And to say that audible should have done a better job of hiring someone more qualified. I think is ridiculous. Considering it's Laverne Cox!. I mean, clearly they hired an icon whose a famous actor.

TREY: [00:15:34] Okay.

but I want to push back because I do believe that acting is different from voiceover work. Does Laverne Cox have experience as like a professional voiceover narration artists? Cause you just, all the skills you listed. I have dabbled in acting, but I have never dabbled in voiceover. I don't think I have that skill set.

I think there is a, in my opinion, there's a little distinguishable skillset difference. It crosses over often, but

CHELSEY: [00:16:03] That's fair.

TREY: [00:16:04] Because Laverne Cox is known as an actor, not as a voiceover artist,

CHELSEY: [00:16:09] Very true. Good distinction.

TREY: [00:16:11] My opinion, my opinion,

CHELSEY: [00:16:12] No, I appreciate the pushback and I think that's true. Was it embarrassing? I don't know. It's so hard to say, right?

TREY: [00:16:20] There is a preview.

CHELSEY: [00:16:22] Oh, okay. Let's hear it.

TREY: [00:16:24] Let's do a little listen.

CHELSEY: [00:16:25] Okay, please.

LAVERNE COX: [00:16:27] "If I had your looks, I head straight for John Powers or Conover." Who are they?" Ann asked. "They run the top modeling agencies in town. That's what I'd love to do only I'm too short and not skinny enough. But, you're just what they're looking for." "I think I'd rather work in an office." Ann said. "Okay. But I think you're crazy."

TREY: [00:16:49] Okay.

CHELSEY: [00:16:50] I liked it. I found it very soothing. I can imagine myself being relaxed and listening to Laverne read Valley of the Dolls, which embarrassingly, or maybe not. I've never read. I know it's like a very popular book. I feel like that's why Terry B is so upset because it's like seeing a movie after you've like read the book and have a relationship with the characters. And then you hear you see it and you're like, oh, this isn't the way it was playing out in my mind. Like, I kind of feel like that's what happened with Terry B. Terry B was envisioning something very specific and that thing was not Laverne Cox. So when the story was being told by Laverne Cox, she was like, what is this? This is ruining my experience, but I didn't really mind it did you?

TREY: [00:17:38] You know, it's interesting. Cause I, I was looking at other people's reviews and one person like a separate reviewer mentioned that she would constantly say four or five words and then take a breath. And I did sort of notice that, like that other review was mentioning how like redundant that became like listening to an entire book.

But, you know, I don't know. You know, I feel like I do think that I do find it to be it. A valuable opinion review cause someone did really have like a very strong reaction that like they had never read the story. It was really hard to be in the story. They kept being pulled out and were distracted by the lack of character development and then how the character development would change and the voice affectations, which is like, it does make me think oh, I mean, I was just looking this up for this podcast and it made me look at other reviews because it did have an impact of like, oh, maybe like this will pull me out.

CHELSEY: [00:18:33] There's value there. I hear you. I mean, and the person seemed coherent. Like, I don't know like what their spelling and grammar looked like, obviously. But

TREY: [00:18:41] It's perfect. There's like literally not a misspelling anywhere. And they use parentheticals and like they, they do seem intelligent.

CHELSEY: [00:18:49] Yeah. Yeah. I wasn't like that entertained by her because I don't feel like I knew her, but that's is that really the job of the reviewer? I don't know.

TREY: [00:19:00] Yeah. I don't know. That's a great question though.

CHELSEY: [00:19:02] Yeah.

TREY: [00:19:03] I mean, at least like be entertaining.

CHELSEY: [00:19:05] Like we have different biases here because I listened to a lot of things on audible all the time. And I've had some really, really bad experiences. Like I, I have a disorder or whatever you want to call it called PCOS. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. So I got an audible about that and the entire audible kept calling it P-COS. Which like never in medical history, has anyone ever called this disease P-Cos!

And that was an example of when I was like, someone should have really caught this.

TREY: [00:19:39] That's horrible.

CHELSEY: [00:19:41] And so, because that's where I'm coming from. I'm like, whatever girl, like you got Valley of the Dolls, you got Laverne Cox, like count your blessings. I've seen some like real stinkers on Audible.

TREY: [00:19:53] Do you think that Terry B is being truthful? Do we believe that? I mean, it just, it

CHELSEY: [00:19:58] I mean, it's, it feels subjective. Like I believe that this was her experience. I don't think I don't. I think that I liked the fact that she commented on, she was a Laverne Cox fan. She liked Orange is the New Black. I think she was saying all of that so that we would know, like I'm not a hater. Of Laverne Cox, like I'm not coming to this space to just hate on this person for the sake of hating on this person.

I had actually pretty high hopes for this person and I was disappointed and I feel like that is truthful to Terry B's experience,

TREY: [00:20:38] Yeah, I do have, I agree. I kind of have a little bit of a Karen radar, Karen-Dar going off at the end about sort of throwing Amazon Exclusives under the bus. Like you would think they would shout but they kind of do have a point, but like, I.

CHELSEY: [00:20:56] So, but like, I, maybe it's also biased, like in the entertainment industry, but I can't imagine someone hiring Laverne Cox, having her read it, and then like shelving it or not. I don't know, like what were they supposed to do?

TREY: [00:21:10] Well, to me, I think that if you have, like, I think the point Terry is making is actually the reason, that it is Laverne Cox, I think because it's an Amazon exclusive, this is actually for the 50th anniversary of the book. So like, I think that's why they, like, I think they did get someone really big by getting a celebrity rather than just like some unknown person.

That's a voiceover talent, you know?

CHELSEY: [00:21:35] Yeah, totally. Are we ready?

TREY: [00:21:38] you know, honestly, I, yeah, I could just go.

CHELSEY: [00:21:41] I think I have enough information to crown it.

TREY: [00:21:44] Mmm-hmm, me too.

CHELSEY: [00:21:44] All right. So Trey and I each have our own set of one to five crown cards and in an effort to be fair and not influenced by one another, we will simultaneously reveal our rating.

VOICEOVER: [00:22:01] The Queens are Tabulating!

TREY: [00:22:02] All right, Chels, You ready to show?

CHELSEY: [00:22:04] Okay. I am ready.

VOICEOVER: [00:22:07] Total Score!.

TREY: [00:22:12] Oh, okay. So I'm holding up five crowns and Chelsey's holding up three.

CHELSEY: [00:22:18] Wow. Trey, you pull up, you think that Terry B is a Review Queen.

TREY: [00:22:24] I do only because the whole point of a review is based on your personal opinion. And I feel like Terry did not didn't throw any low punches. Terry. Exactly. The points you just made. Terry was like, I was looking forward to Laverne Cox. I appreciate who they are. They use the proper pronouns. I think she, I think Laverne Cox uses she/her.


CHELSEY: [00:22:46] Okay.

TREY: [00:22:46] But they, you know, I, I believed the Terry came in with the right intentions and at the end, Terry said, if you want to know the story, just read it. So like, I didn't think they had malice. I think they were sharing their experience. And so for that, I gave it five, even though it wasn't very entertaining, which is fine.

I mean, she was short to the point. And so I gave Terry five, you gave Terry three, explain.

CHELSEY: [00:23:11] I did give Terry three. Just because first of all, like I reserved my fives for my true Review Queens, which in my opinion, does include entertainment, even though it's not the purpose of the review. I think a four, four crowns is a very, you know, strong review, uh, assessment from me. So that the audience knows I did three because I thought it was a little bit hyperbolic to say that it was the worst narration ever based off the sample that I heard, it was definitely not the worst I've heard or I've experienced.

So just based on bringing my own experience to my evaluation as a regular Audible consumer. That was why I landed with three, three crowns for Terry B. And I feel confident in that, but I respect your five crowns.

TREY: [00:24:02] You know, I really feel like, I feel like I always like consistently want to change after we reveal these. Cause you're right. The very first sentence is like far and away, the worst narration ever, which. Anyway, I guess I'm sticking with the five

CHELSEY: [00:24:16] stick with it. If that was your feeling for Terry B. Terry, B is your Review Queen!

TREY: [00:24:23] It just proves how convincing you are as a Review Queen that you really made me consider it. Yeah,

CHELSEY: [00:24:27] Well, thank you. That was fun. It's time for a little bit of a palette cleanse. Maybe before we hop back in.

TREY: [00:24:35] totally. All right. So we'll go onto a quick break right now. And then when we come back, we'll play with Meryl. Before we get into Chels-Chels's review.

CHELSEY: [00:24:44] Love it, BRB.


VOICEOVER: [00:24:48] Hold your crown, we'll be right back.

TREY: [00:24:59] Yay. Oh my gosh, Chelsey it's game time. It's time to take a quick little spin on the Meryl-Go-Round.

VOICEOVER: [00:25:19] "I don't feel like an icon. Most of the days I feel like, 'I can't!" That's with an, A."

CHELSEY: [00:25:29] I feel Meryl so hard in that quote every time,

TREY: [00:25:32] Ugh, me too.

CHELSEY: [00:25:32] Sometimes, most of the time, I guess I do feel like an "I can't" too, Meryl. Anyway, here's the deal, Trey and I each pick a rotten scathing, pithy one-star zinger. And with 30 seconds on the clock, we will take turns, reciting the zinger in as many genres as possible

TREY: [00:25:53] Just like queen Meryl, who does it all.

CHELSEY: [00:25:56] Before the clock runs out.

Ooh, my review is from Google. It is a review of the closest Walmart to my area. And the review is from Jason M and Jason M says, "smallest Walmart in hissst!" There are three S's,

TREY: [00:26:23] it doesn't say, "-ory?"

CHELSEY: [00:26:25] Hissst!.

TREY: [00:26:28] Is that like what the kids say now?

CHELSEY: [00:26:31] Apparently,

TREY: [00:26:32] Oh my God. Okay. All right. All right. You ready to hop on?

CHELSEY: [00:26:36] I feel like I need, let me just a little bit of water before I go into that. All right. I'm ready.

VOICEOVER: [00:26:43] Three, Two, One. Go!

TREY: [00:26:46] Shakespeare

CHELSEY: [00:26:48] "smallest Walmart in hisst!"

TREY: [00:26:51] Musical Theater.

CHELSEY: [00:26:59] "Smallest Walmart in hissst!"

TREY: [00:27:02] Lifetime.

CHELSEY: [00:27:04] "Smallest Walmart in hissst!"

TREY: [00:27:07] Opera Diva,

CHELSEY: [00:27:07] "Smallest walmart in Hissst!"

TREY: [00:27:12] Soap opera.

CHELSEY: [00:27:15] "Smallest walmart in hissst!"

VOICEOVER: [00:27:20] "That's All!"

CHELSEY: [00:27:20] I don't know if I'm hitting any of these genres like Meryl.

TREY: [00:27:23] No, I think you're so good at this. And it makes me so mad. Like my absolute favorite of you every time is opera diva. Cause it's so funny. Okay. Chelsey you did so good. You did 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

CHELSEY: [00:27:44] Wow.

TREY: [00:27:45] That might be the best so far.

CHELSEY: [00:27:46] Thank God. He didn't finish history or else I might have not finished with that many.

TREY: [00:27:51] That's impressive.

CHELSEY: [00:27:53] Are you ready?

TREY: [00:27:54] I'm ready?

CHELSEY: [00:27:55] Okay.

TREY: [00:27:56] All right. So I'll tell you guys mine. So my one star zinger is from Amazon Reviews and Okay.

I wish... maybe we can put the picture on Instagram because it's for a long gray wizard, wig and beard. And when I tell you it is the most hilarious image in the world and the subject is "This sucks!" And the review that is written is, "totally sucks."

CHELSEY: [00:28:22] Okay. Great.

TREY: [00:28:23] Talk about piffy.

CHELSEY: [00:28:24] I mean, at least we know that they know three words,

TREY: [00:28:28] that's true.

CHELSEY: [00:28:28] are you ready?

TREY: [00:28:31] Yes, I'm ready.

VOICEOVER: [00:28:34] Three. Two. One. Go!

CHELSEY: [00:28:37] Opera Diva

TREY: [00:28:38] "Totally sucks!"

CHELSEY: [00:28:41] Disaster.

TREY: [00:28:43] "Totally sucks!"

CHELSEY: [00:28:44] Film Noir!

TREY: [00:28:47] "Totally sucks. Big boy. "

CHELSEY: [00:28:51] Mime?!


TREY: [00:28:54] "Ahhh Totally sucks! Ahhhh"

CHELSEY: [00:29:00] Soap opera.

TREY: [00:29:03] "Totally sucks!"

CHELSEY: [00:29:04] Lifetime!

VOICEOVER: [00:29:07] That's all.

CHELSEY: [00:29:08] Okay. Freaking great as well.

TREY: [00:29:10] I know but it was two words, It's kind of cheating

CHELSEY: [00:29:12] No, it wasn't

Six!. We tied! Six and six!, wow.

TREY: [00:29:19] Wow. I'm so proud of us. We both tied!

CHELSEY: [00:29:23] I'm so proud of us too! We got to leave that as both winners.

TREY: [00:29:29] Your's was really funny. That Was like, that was a good round.


All right. So, should we jump back in.

CHELSEY: [00:29:35] I think we have to

VOICEOVER: [00:29:39] Review That Review.

TREY: [00:29:42] Alright. We're back from the game break. And now it is Chelsey Donn's turn. What is your review this week?

CHELSEY: [00:29:49] This week, I will be reviewing a place that I am embarrassingly went to frequently when I lived in New York City, which was the Olive Garden in Times Square.

TREY: [00:30:00] Oh, really? Well, you used to, live on near 42nd street, right?

CHELSEY: [00:30:03] I did, I used to live near 42nd Street, but also like in college, when I lived in the village, my roommate was just a really big fan of Olive Garden.

So we would find our way there a lot. So

TREY: [00:30:12] No judgment. I mean, hello, unlimited breadsticks.

CHELSEY: [00:30:15] Soup, Salad, breadsticks. I mean, great lunch. I was there.

TREY: [00:30:19] So where is it from?

CHELSEY: [00:30:21] It is from Yelp. It is written by Crystal W who I will point out she's going to point it out anyway, but I will point out that she is an elite reviewer. She has written, over 236 reviews. this is 237, I believe. and she includes, she's included 414 photos in her reviews.

So Crystal considers herself quite wise.

TREY: [00:30:47] Whoa.

CHELSEY: [00:30:48] Yeah.

TREY: [00:30:48] All right, I'm ready.

CHELSEY: [00:30:50] You probably think as a Yelp elite, I am crazy to go to Olive Garden while in New York City let alone in Times Square, but my family wanted to go and it was the kids' first time in New York City. So they was wanted to do all the touristy things. We stopped by for dinner on 12/30/2019 at 4:45 PM. The first red flag was our waitress, Kashaya, did not write down anything down. She memorized our orders, but that's definitely not fail-proof. She went around the table to repeat our orders and already forgot one person's. We ordered Chicken Alfredo, Seafood Alfredo, Eggplant Parmesan, and Create Your Own Pasta with one beer and one glass of Pinot Grigio. The food took forever to arrive, but yes, I understand. It's busy in New York City, especially on the Eve of New Years, new year's Eve. When our breadsticks, soup, salad arrived, our waitress forgot the cheese grater, and that we had ordered a side of the Alfredo Boat. She disappeared for 30 minutes. Our entree came out shortly after our soup... soup, salad. If that gives you an idea of how long it took, I asked her where our alcoholic beverages were and she replied, "you didn't order any alcohol." I guess she forgot she explained the beers on tap and that the Pinot Grigio Cavet might be out. And if I wanted a substitute. So, we got our drinks with the entrees probably would've helped if she wrote down our orders, the chicken and seafood seafood Alfredo were disappointing. There was hardly any sauce we had to use our Alfredo Boat and pour sauce onto our entree. We were scared to ask our waitress for more sauce because she would have disappeared back in the kitchen for another 30 minutes. Finally, our party of four, had an automatic tip of 18% applied to our $120 bill before tax. Our service definitely did NOT deserve an 18% tip. Our waitress even forgot to give us mints with the bill until I reminded her. Overall an epic fail. I tried calling the restaurant manager, Michael, several times on 12/30 and 12/31, but no one answered the phone at this location. I'm glad I didn't make New Year's Eve dinner reservations here for $250 a person. Otherwise I would be pissed spending close to $1K.

TREY: [00:33:42] Oh, my God. Okay another great pick.

CHELSEY: [00:33:46] Thank you.

TREY: [00:33:47] First of all, I just, the first thing I have to say here, is you know that Keysha or Kesha hated Crystal.

CHELSEY: [00:33:55] Hated. I mean, worst nightmare.

TREY: [00:33:58] I'm just imagining like all of that happening. And I think there's faults, obviously there are faults, but then at the very end to be like, "excuse me, excuse me, waiter. You didn't bring our mints." Oh my God. Just imagine the, like the personality of being in the service industry, especially in Times Square and then someone's like, "you didn't bring me my mints."

CHELSEY: [00:34:22] And maybe they changed this, but like back in the day, when I used to go there, I want to say they have like a barrel of mints on the way out. So like, you could grab them in if you needed a minute on the way. I mean, the men's are delicious. Let's not

TREY: [00:34:34] I don't really remember. Are they those like mint Andes?

CHELSEY: [00:34:37] They're Andes mints.

TREY: [00:34:38] And it's traditional that you get at, like with the bill, right?

CHELSEY: [00:34:41] You do. You usually get one per person or two per people, depending on how big your party is with the bill, but anyway, so many things, first of all, have you ever heard of an Alfredo Boat?

TREY: [00:34:54] No. And halfway through the review, did I realize it's probably like that salad dressing, silver little boat thing that you tip with the handle? Like it took me that long to realize that's probably what it is.

CHELSEY: [00:35:05] Do you think that's on the menu or do you think that was an off menu...

TREY: [00:35:10] I dunno...

CHELSEY: [00:35:10] ...request? I've never heard of an Alfredo Boat.

TREY: [00:35:14] Maybe it is a thing I don't like you could order it as a side? Ew. Ew,

CHELSEY: [00:35:18] Gross. Also, we got two Alfredo dishes and an Alfredo Boat and there wasn't enough Alfredo.

TREY: [00:35:26] I have a question, it say where Crystal is crystal like a tourist in New York?

CHELSEY: [00:35:32] she, yes. Crystal is a tourist in New York. It doesn't say as far as my records where she's from.

TREY: [00:35:38] Yeah. Well, because at the beginning, it's when she's talking about the kids, the phrasing is they was wanted, which sounds like, I don't know. It's not like Baltimore, like Philly or something they was wanted.

CHELSEY: [00:35:48] I don't know, there are a few weird grammatical errors like that along the way that I was like, I don't think this was intentional.

TREY: [00:35:55] What about spelling? Was there bad spelling? Cause there was a lot of grammar stuff.

CHELSEY: [00:36:00] There was no bad spelling. The spelling was fine. The grammar was wonky in quite a few places. She was very passionate about this review.

TREY: [00:36:12] It was really funny to me, like, cause I, I have been a waiter. I also have been weighted upon and I do always have a little, like, like a little like gut clench when someone doesn't write it down. And that was policy, the restaurant I worked at, we had to write it down, but like to go around the table to verify and to have completely forgotten an entire whole person's order is so funny to me.