TRANSCRIPT of Episode 6: " / 12 foot Giant Inflatable Ball"

Updated: Sep 17, 2021

Transcript of Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald Episode 6 " / 12 foot Giant Inflatable Ball" for the differently abled and those who prefer to read.

Review That Review with Chelsey Donn and Trey Gerrald

Episode 6

THEME SONG: [00:00:00] Everybody's got an opinion.

Every Californian and Virginian.

It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.

Someone's gotta settle the score.

Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!

Whose views win, which ones lose.

Online haters are comin' for you!

Baby, it's time to Review That Review!

CHELSEY: [00:00:30] Hi.

TREY: [00:00:31] Hi! Hello, Chelsey!

CHELSEY: [00:00:34] Ugh, I fall more in love with that theme song every time we listen to it.

TREY: [00:00:38] It really is fun.

CHELSEY: [00:00:39] It really is. We're the luckiest!

TREY: [00:00:41] Oh my gosh. Hello listeners. Welcome to Review That Review. We are the podcasts dedicated to reviewing...

CHELSEY: [00:00:47]! We're just like Siskel and Ebert only instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we rate and review those hilarious, scathing and sometimes suspicious online reviews.

TREY: [00:01:00] That's Chelsey Donn,

CHELSEY: [00:01:01] And that's Trey Gerrald.

TREY: [00:01:03] And together we are...

VOICEOVER: [00:01:05] The Review Queens.

CHELSEY: [00:01:09] My crown is bronze and polished and ready to go.

TREY: [00:01:13] It looks so gorgeous. Those, um, gorgeous gemstones, their blo... ow. Ow they're blinding me.

CHELSEY: [00:01:21] Oh my God.

TREY: [00:01:22] How's your week been, Chels?

CHELSEY: [00:01:24] My week has actually been great. I had my birthday, I celebrated my birthday. I got to see people in person and hug friends that I haven't seen in over a year. I got to actually hug my friends. It was so nice. And, I went to another friend's birthday and I met new people and I went to a Dodgers game.

So. It's like both the most bizarre thing to be seeing so many people and also such a blessing. so I feel great. How was your week? Trey?

TREY: [00:01:54] I had a good week, another great week, living life, breathing air. In real time, we've just launched last Wednesday. And, uh, so it's been a very exciting fun week, uh, with a lot of correspondences and, it's been a great, great week. I am happy to be alive.

CHELSEY: [00:02:13] Yes, we should all remember how lucky we are. And with that in mind

TREY: [00:02:18] Yes.

CHELSEY: [00:02:19] In leaning into gratitude and remembering how very lucky we are. I think it's time for us to.

VOICEOVER: [00:02:26] Lodge A Complaint.

TREY: [00:02:29] Well, I'm ready. I'll start.

CHELSEY: [00:02:31] Please get us, get us going.

TREY: [00:02:33] All right. Today, the complaint I'm going to be lodging is for something very obnoxious. It is "Cash Only" anything. I hate when you go to a restaurant, when you go anywhere, if it is not a garage sale, if they are cash only, that is so obnoxious to me. Now I understand you as the vendor have to pay a fee for credit cards.

CHELSEY: [00:03:02] True.

TREY: [00:03:02] Okay. It is 2021. It is, that is a cost of business who is "Cash Only" anymore? That, that is so obnoxious to me being told, oh, cash only. No, if you cannot pay the 2% fee for swiping the square, then I don't know something that is just whack. It's a wack job to not accept credit cards.

CHELSEY: [00:03:32] I get it. Now, the worst is when you get to the place, you didn't know that it was cash only. You didn't bring any cash now what? It's terrible.

TREY: [00:03:41] We went on a double date with, my brother and sister-in-law and we knew it was a "Cash Only" restaurant. And when she called to make the reservation and they were like, remember it's cash only. And every single page of the menu was cash only it said at the bottom. And they have an ATM inside $7 and 50 cent fee.

CHELSEY: [00:03:59] Stop it that's wrong.

TREY: [00:04:02] so then I'm thinking like, okay, so you paid for this ATM machine that you can make profit off of which. Great! Do your thing, but it's obnoxious to me. Like, I just think that it's very bizarre to like, be running a business and not be doing like even in Alabama, like my ex step-mom. She had a booth at you know, it was yeah, like a vendor fair where you could set up a booth and sell things. And those people had square machines to run credit cards. Like how are you a business in Manhattan? And what has also been really fabulous in this pandemic shutdown is a lot of places stopped even taking cash. Cause we thought that was dangerous and scary.

CHELSEY: [00:04:44] I know I was going to say that, like, I actually. I, I tend to carry around cash. I go to the farmer's market every week. I like that cash exchange. I know, call me. We are in, I like enjoy being like, where did you, where did these eggs come from? Tell me a little bit about this chicken. I want to know what they, where they've come from. Here's $20. Thanks for the eggs. I mean, and then they give me change, but there have been a lot of places where it's no cash now.

TREY: [00:05:10] To me. I,

CHELSEY: [00:05:10] You're about it.

TREY: [00:05:12] I just think like, I'm just not a cash person, that's it.

CHELSEY: [00:05:15] I get it.

TREY: [00:05:16] Like, so therefore BYE! Anyway...

CHELSEY: [00:05:17] I do think eventually we're not going to have cash anymore, right?

TREY: [00:05:23] Yeah. All right. It's like this cryptocurrency or whatever they're trying to do.

CHELSEY: [00:05:26] Yeah. That, or it's just like, you'll just have a balance and we'll just ding the, I dunno, Apple's going to do it. And we're all gonna just jump on board. Like we always do.

TREY: [00:05:35] So that's my complaint. Uh, if you are a cash only establishment consider jumping in to the times.

CHELSEY: [00:05:43] It's an option.

TREY: [00:05:44] Exactly. Chelsey, what about you? Do you have any complaint you want to lodge?

CHELSEY: [00:05:47] Yeah, I, you know, have something I'd like to get off my chest. I don't know if anyone else experiences this, but my bath is very slippery, slippery bath. It's a, it's a bath shower combo. And for whatever reason, it's just, it's very slippery. And I feel I put my life in God's hands every time I step into the bath and I've tried to buy non-slip mats for my bath. And in my experience, it makes it worse. Often I feel, you know, it's like I went from just surfing to now. I'm like, I dunno, snowboarding on top of the bath because now I have like a, a thing that I'm negotiating and it makes it worse. And what I would truly love. Is if there's anyone listening, who's had this experience who feels my pain and who's found a solution, please leave a voicemail and let me know, because I've been living my life like this for way too long, and somebody's got to help. Someone's got to do something about the slippery baths and that's my complaint.

TREY: [00:06:57] It's a really good complaint. Have you? Um, I remember like my grandmother back in the day, she had like individual like sandpaper, scruffy things. It wasn't like a, like, suction terrible.

CHELSEY: [00:07:11] Those don't work.

TREY: [00:07:12] it was like sandpaper little like animals that you could put individually. Have you tried those?

CHELSEY: [00:07:18] Yeah. When I was a kid, my grandfather put those in our bath and I do think that was the most successful one. now that I'm so reviews crazy, every time I go on Amazon even find something like that, I'm like, I don't think they make them as well as they used to. You know, my thought.

TREY: [00:07:36] there was probably some chemical that kills us that they used back then...

CHELSEY: [00:07:39] Exactly. Right. Anyway, I'm all worked up about this.

TREY: [00:07:44] I hear you. And, um, I I'm definitely a bath person. So I don't like having the mats at the bottom. You know, like my nephew, they bathe him every night and they have to take the suction mat off every night it mildews, if you leave it,

CHELSEY: [00:08:00] Yeah. I know it like grows something. A science

TREY: [00:08:04] people need to, um, we keep pitching these Shark ideas. Here's another one.

CHELSEY: [00:08:10] Yeah. If you're an inventor and you're listening to this, you're welcome.

TREY: [00:08:14] oh, wait, hold on. Hold on. My phone's buzzing. Hold on.

CHELSEY: [00:08:17] Okay. Sure.

VOICEOVER: [00:08:18] Listener voicemail!

CHELSEY: [00:08:20] Oh my God.

TREY: [00:08:21] You guys. It's an exciting, exciting day. We received. A voicemail in our voicemail box, which if you haven't heard we say it at the end of every episode, you can call our voicemail box and leave us a message. It's 1-850-REVIEW-0. And here is a message from a listener named Emily.

CHELSEY: [00:08:43] Oh, my God.

EMILY: [00:08:44] Okay. Hi, I love the podcast. I would like to lodge a complaint. I'm not an angry person, but this truly makes me insane. It turns me very quickly into like an, a barbarian.

TREY: [00:08:59] What do you think of Emily's voice so far? Do you think that the preface of not being an angry person is factual?

CHELSEY: [00:09:05] I belive her.

TREY: [00:09:06] She sounds very nice.

CHELSEY: [00:09:07] She seems nice. Yeah.

TREY: [00:09:09] And I like the, um, visual imagery of barbarian.

CHELSEY: [00:09:12] Yeah. I think she's going to give us a lot of more descriptive words. It's hear what else she has to say.

TREY: [00:09:16] Okay.

EMILY: [00:09:16] I would like to complain about the people who use an escalator and then they step off of it and they don't keep walking. Okay. So it creates very dangerous, like domino effect.

TREY: [00:09:33] it's like a pile-up...

CHELSEY: [00:09:34] ugh

EMILY: [00:09:34] People just stand there as if there is not this automatic chain of people that are going to dismount and have no control over the timing of that. And you are, you're about to tell people and all you have to do is keep walking, keep walking. This happens a lot.

TREY: [00:09:54] I feel like, uh, I feel like Emily is getting a little heated as she is sharing....

CHELSEY: [00:09:57] but you know what? This is the part we all, we, we can identify with this. This is the part where you're like, it feels good. Now I'm complaining. Let me really let it out.

TREY: [00:10:06] I mean, I'm, I'm mad about cash only. You're mad about bathmats and

CHELSEY: [00:10:09] about it's Emily, take your chance. This is a worthy lodging of a complaint. I will say,

TREY: [00:10:15] Do you think she's a gymnast? Cause she used the word dismount. That is kind of what you do have on a, on an escalator. If you're going up, you do have to sort

CHELSEY: [00:10:22] you have to dismount. I love that. What a great descriptive word. I also thought. Yeah, maybe she was a gymnast probably when she was younger and possibly a dancer. I don't know. I'm getting dance vibes.

TREY: [00:10:32] Okay. Let's keep going.

EMILY: [00:10:34] Escalators are universal, right? Like they exist everywhere and we use them. Since we like forever, like since we're children, like everybody needs to know how an escalator works

TREY: [00:10:48] Hmm.

EMILY: [00:10:48] and it's common sense and it's not difficult to step off of it and keep walking. I don't, I just, yeah, that's my complaint. Okay. That's it. And it feels better.

CHELSEY: [00:11:02] Yeah.

TREY: [00:11:03] Wow, Emily.

CHELSEY: [00:11:04] That was great. I'm so glad that Emily used our voicemail for this purpose and that she feels better now and she's dead on.

TREY: [00:11:14] I've definitely noticed that there's this whole culture in New York City that you must stand to one side, if you're on an escalator for anyone that's in like a bigger hurry than you are so they can sweep past you. And you learn that very quick on your first trip as a tourist, that like people are going to cuss you out, if you're like not directly behind the person.

CHELSEY: [00:11:34] Yeah. I mean, even though I agree walked one side sand to the other, like we never take any time as human beings to just pause. And sometimes when I step on an escalator, I'm just like, this is my pause. It's not laziness. Ooh, let's take a breath and like observe for a second, you know? And so if I'm observing and then somebody like tapped me on the shoulder and they were like, excuse me, of course, I would like move out of the way, but I w I don't know that that's like worthy of a full lodge. So I'm glad that wasn't what Emily went with.

TREY: [00:12:07] Yeah, the pile up that is because then it becomes very stressful. You think like, oh, I'm going to get caught in this and my shoestring or it's like, we're going to all die.

CHELSEY: [00:12:15] Yeah. You see somebody in front of you, you know that they're going to be a stopper then prolonged.

TREY: [00:12:21] it it's the

CHELSEY: [00:12:22] Yes. Well, the worst that

TREY: [00:12:24] listeners, if you, um, want to lodge your own complaint, or if you want to induct someone in your life for My Royal Highness, or if you even strongly disagree with one of our review scores, feel free to call in. Leave us a voicemail. 1 850 Review zero.

Thanks Emily.

CHELSEY: [00:12:43] Thank you. Wow. That was so good. I feel so good hearing Emily complain after we complained. And I think that we should hear some more people complain. What do you think.

TREY: [00:12:52] Let's do it. I want to hear some written complaints.

CHELSEY: [00:12:55] Let's hear some written complaints. And as you guys already know, we are your trusty Review Queens. We each bring in a review from the internet that we feel needs to be inspected. We read the review, break it down and rate the impact of the review on a scale from one to five crowns. It's a very Regal process that we call

VOICEOVER: [00:13:14] Assess That Kvetch.

TREY: [00:13:16] And kvetch means

CHELSEY: [00:13:18] Complaint.

TREY: [00:13:19] Learning Yiddish with the Queens.

CHELSEY: [00:13:24] Oh, all right. Who is first? Today?

TREY: [00:13:26] I am first

CHELSEY: [00:13:28] You are first amazing. Take it away. Trey.

VOICEOVER: [00:13:34] Review That Review.

TREY: [00:13:39] Okay. So I actually found a several for this, and this is the one I've landed on. So my review today is a one star review on Trustpilot, and it is written by Michael S for the company,

CHELSEY: [00:14:00] okay. I'm excited.

TREY: [00:14:01] Here we go. Subject is, "First time ordering from Wish and you do this? Thanks for nothing dot dot dot." I have never bought anything from the internet until I tried with wish. Now I see why I don't shop online because I ordered two things. One said it was mailed to my address. Well, if it did, I didn't get it. The other order is still saying it is still at the last location that it was delivered to. And it still has yet to be delivered. I have been fighting for a month now and the won't do anything about it. They seem to think that they have the right to keep people's stuff, and that people are only trying to get something for nothing. Well, news flash wish if I wanted something for nothing I wouldn't have paid for my stuff up front.

I called the better business bureaus. And reported it. So I'll see what happens, but if you want, what you paid for, then stay away from wish because they will screw you over and keep your money. Sad that people work hard for their money. And we try to spend it with their company and then we turn around and get ripped off.

They better realize that even though some people don't have a lot of money, some of us are willing to go in debt to take them to court. Might sound dumb, but if it proves the point, heck with it, I'll pay the cost to go to court, just to get my petty $40 back. Unprofessional and full of lies, wish is a company full of thieves. Hey wish, all caps, you suck! All caps, give us our money back. SMH, thumbs down for wish.

CHELSEY: [00:15:50] Wow.

TREY: [00:15:51] Oh,

CHELSEY: [00:15:52] That's a lot. I have many thoughts.

TREY: [00:15:56] Please start, please go.

CHELSEY: [00:15:58] Okay. First of all, I don't know if you've ever read Jen Sincero's book, You're a Badass at Making Money, but what I heard you reading this review, the first thing that I thought about Michael S, is that Michael S has a lot of issues surrounding money. First of all, he already, he already was setting up that he was going to get burned by buying things online. So he set that up for himself. He established that. He thinks that, that they believe that he wants something for nothing. he said that he was going to get screwed over ripped off, and that he was willing to go into debt to fight that.

TREY: [00:16:36] Hmm.

CHELSEY: [00:16:37] And he was going to pay the CA the cost to go to court and that the world is full of thieves and sucks. Okay. I've ordered from there myself, they're terrible. It takes forever for things to arrive, but that being said, I just want to give Michael S a hug now that I can and say, we got to change this

TREY: [00:16:56] Wait, what was that book you're talkin about?

CHELSEY: [00:16:58] Jen Sincero. You're a Badass. She also wrote, You're a Bad-Ass and she wrote You're a Badass at Making Money.

TREY: [00:17:03] Oh, I've seen that, like in the airports, You're a Badass

CHELSEY: [00:17:06] I was going to say, I'm sure you've seen it there. It's a great airport read. But the point is we, we manifest things about our existence. I'm working on this within myself. Cause I know I'm manifesting a lot of stuff that I don't want as we all do every day, but in just listening to Michael S and what he said, I feel like I don't want Michael S to buy anything else online cause I'm worried he's going to get screwed again. Cause he's like a magnet, seems.

TREY: [00:17:30] I mean, that is such an interesting take on this Chelsey, because you really do zero in on there's so much telling information about Michael S's relation to money. Now, that being said, I have purchased from Wish. I have waited three months to receive, fun articles of clothing that are too small for my body.

And if you want to go down an energy suck, go to and just go through the hoards of one star reviews for It really is like, it's like a dark place. I know that Michael S is telling the truth here,

CHELSEY: [00:18:07] Hundred percent.

TREY: [00:18:08] But I really am. That's such an interesting point to pick up on their relation to money. Cause it's so much about. It's not about being deceived or mistreated as a paying customer, as much as it is about money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money!

CHELSEY: [00:18:25] It's like weirdly about his, to me, at least when you read it, I was like, this is all about his philosophy with money, his relationship with money, what he thinks is going to happen when he spends it, how he already sort of is assuming that people are taking advantage of him.

TREY: [00:18:39] To his credit. He has taken action and he's already complained to the better business bureau. Which he refers to as better business bureaus. and also

CHELSEY: [00:18:48] there's more than one. I don't

TREY: [00:18:49] it's also lower case, better lower case business, uppercase bureaus. So at least Michael S has taken action besides this, like all caps, screaming one-star review. So that's valuable. I don't know that there's a unique information in this review other than like Michael S's backstory and their vehement. Commitment to getting vengeance.

CHELSEY: [00:19:15] Yeah. He's really out for blood and I get it. Cause like I said, I've also purchased stuff from wish and I was doing the wishing and hoping that it was going to be something great for a cheap price. And several months later received a product that hardly resembled what I had ordered. So I get it, you know?

TREY: [00:19:34] I've actually had both versions. I've had like horrible. This is not fitting. And then I've also had like amazing, fantastic... That blue, if you remember from our photo shoot, the blue sweater of the star thing that was from Wish. I mean, it literally feels like a washcloth for wax waxing. But it's very cute. You know, I'm never going to see anyone else wearing that. I mean...

CHELSEY: [00:19:56] yeah. And did Michael S comment in there, how much he spent on his Wish item. Okay. Because.

TREY: [00:20:02] he said, well, he does say go to court to just get my petty $40 back. So I guess 40 bucks, which is probably 900 items. If you're ordering from,

CHELSEY: [00:20:12] That's what I was going to say. Like I, not saying you get what you pay for, but like, you kind of get what you pay for, like, everybody falls into that trap of, oh, this seems like a really good deal every once in a while. And sometimes it's a good deal. And sometimes it's not, I fell into that trap with Wish. And when I did, I was like, oh, I'm just never going to order from here again. clearly, you know, there's a reason why this item was $5 or whatever it was.

TREY: [00:20:36] In my personal experience. Ultimately the deciding factor was like the length of time it took to receive it from China that. I just was sort of like, it's not worth, it's not worth it to me. I'd rather order and get it quickly. I do need to bring up because I'm reading it. I was out of, I was winded because there is a huge lack of punctuation this review. Such wordy run-on sentences. I definitely think that Michael S was in the, of the mania and anger of submitting a claim to better business bureau and then running to TrustPilot, typing in this review that they did not have any time to spellcheck, put it into Grammarly, to have their niece who is like a spelling bee champ. Look it over. None of that occurred.

CHELSEY: [00:21:24] No. I could feel the red, like just, just emanating off of Michael S. He was definitely in the tunnel of anger.

TREY: [00:21:33] Also whenever he ref whenever Michael references Wish it's just interesting to me that they don't say, but they also just say wish and they never capitalize it. So that also got a little complicated for me. I'm curious at Michael's age because they don't order online, which makes me immediately older, but then they say SMH, thumbs down.

Which doesn't that mean? Shaking my head.

CHELSEY: [00:21:59] It does, but I feel like, you know, how some of the texting vernacular is like ghost of, chats passed on AOL.

TREY: [00:22:08] Yeah. R O F L

CHELSEY: [00:22:10] Yeah. I think that SMH

TREY: [00:22:12] I never use that.

CHELSEY: [00:22:14] From the AIM days.

TREY: [00:22:16] Oh, okay. So maybe this

CHELSEY: [00:22:17] what I

TREY: [00:22:18] uh, like early forties person.

CHELSEY: [00:22:20] I think could be older. I want to say 50, 60.

TREY: [00:22:23] Do you think that this is entertaining or humorous?

CHELSEY: [00:22:26] I don't know. I don't know what it, what it was, but I didn't feel that way. I immediately, I felt sad for Michael S and also like that he said in the beginning, you, you do this.

TREY: [00:22:39] just Chelsey. I was just going to point that out. It's literally the subject, my first time ordering from wish. And you do this.

CHELSEY: [00:22:46] You do this, like it's so personal to Michael S. And I just want to know how I can help him and what happened, who hurt him and why he has,

TREY: [00:22:58] Well, Wish hurt him.

CHELSEY: [00:22:59] But who hurt Michael before wish got to him? Cause that's what it, that's what it feels like. It's like you do this, like it's he has a lot of just miss.

TREY: [00:23:08] There's a hurricane of emotion going on.

CHELSEY: [00:23:10] Yeah.

TREY: [00:23:11] Mike it's Michael s's only review on Trustpilot.

CHELSEY: [00:23:15] Oh, I don't think he went online after this at all.

TREY: [00:23:19] I think Michael S lives in a cave in the woods.

CHELSEY: [00:23:21] I think he just was like unplugged the computer. I can't do it.

TREY: [00:23:25] Which, you know what? I think a lot of us should probably do that.

CHELSEY: [00:23:28] I I think Michael S only goes to Cash Only establishments.

TREY: [00:23:32] I think Michael S, callback, lives in Ojai. I think Michael S is just on the beach. He's on Meditation Mount he's just in the world and I

CHELSEY: [00:23:44] hope so.

TREY: [00:23:44] been burned by the internet and they're done.

CHELSEY: [00:23:47] I hope that Michael S moves to Ojai. Cause if Michael S moved to Ojai, he would feel much better.

TREY: [00:23:52] I bet Michael S doesn't want to do credit cards? I bet Michael want to money in the banks.

CHELSEY: [00:23:57] I just said that. That's what I just said, B!

TREY: [00:23:59] I was forming my thoughts. Not listening. Do you think that Michael S, has a bank account or do you think Michael S is a person from the depression era, grandparents or parents that was like, don't trust the bank.

CHELSEY: [00:24:10] I think Michael S has a bank account. I think Michael S has a checking book that he balances very well.

TREY: [00:24:16] Well then why didn't Michael S do a grammar check? I guess math and grammar, doesn't go hand in hand, but if you're that anal retentive about your checking book, which we just made up, I recognize, but you would think they would be anal retentive about punctuation and

CHELSEY: [00:24:30] Not when you're in the fit of anger, know?

TREY: [00:24:33] good point.

Good point.

CHELSEY: [00:24:34] When you're in the fit of anger, it's like everything else is out the window and all I'm seeing is red. And I just need to get all of this out because I feel so personally attacked by this organization and so hurt that all of my shame and everything is just coming to the surface.

And I need to just get this out. And when you're in that kind of a place punctuation just doesn't,

TREY: [00:24:58] Yeah, I do. Now that we've talked about this a little more, I do think it is entertaining. I like, I would actually to, I would like to hear a podcast of Michael S, I would love to read more reviews of Michael S. I Would like to see if there's a common thread, if this narrative that we're creating for Michael S, if it's actually accurate, like I would like to see, I would like to see Michael S in a fit of rage at better business bureau complaining about lots of things.

CHELSEY: [00:25:23] I would like to see Michael S, like zenned out in the lounge of a spa.

TREY: [00:25:28] Mmmm, but do you think Michael S could Zen out, or do you think like the bad-ass book, like, do you think they're just too

CHELSEY: [00:25:35] I just hope that Michael S has a grandchild that really wants to take care of him and like help them to relax. And I hope, I hope he got that, but I think Michael S, I feel for you so much in this experience, and I see you and I think I'm ready to crown you.

TREY: [00:25:52] I think I'm ready too. Let's crown.

CHELSEY: [00:25:53] Okay.

TREY: [00:25:54] So, um, Chelsey and I each have our own set of one to five crown cards and in an effort to be fair and not influenced by one another. We will simultaneously reveal our rating cards.

VOICEOVER: [00:26:06] The Queens are Tabulating..

TREY: [00:26:08] Okay, I'm ready. You ready?

CHELSEY: [00:26:12] I'm ready.

VOICEOVER: [00:26:17] Total Score!

TREY: [00:26:18] Three crowns.

CHELSEY: [00:26:19] Three crowns, three crowns. Do you want to go first?

TREY: [00:26:22] I mean, this is pretty simple. I just felt like, you know, the punctuation was terrible and the point was like, it's just like very clear from the first, literally the subject here, Michael S is, is a no-go. So, uh, you know, I, I get what it is. So, I don't know. I just feel like, is it a deal breaker? Maybe. I don't, I don't think it's a deal breaker for me. Um, but I think there is an impact. Like, I will remember, um, this wanting to take someone to court, which is somewhat entertaining. So I feel like the, the like tunnel vision of anger of one sidedness of like a horrible experience mixed with the punctuation and spelling errors. But with like actually the kind of humor, like. It's just middle of the road. I think when it all goes into the equation, when I'm doing my proof in, um, algebra class,

CHELSEY: [00:27:10] Three crowns popped out. Yeah.

TREY: [00:27:14] Yeah. What about for you?

CHELSEY: [00:27:15] I agree. I gave, I gave Michael S high points for accuracy. Cause it's true. Which it, this is an experience that you can expect and high points for like personality and the fact that he, he literally lept off the page with his review. I could feel him and his, uh, anger and, uh, His passion right away. So, you know, that's both, almost the reason why he got to three and also where he lost out, which was the fit of rage that caused him to not have any kind of spellcheck or, proper punctuation. And also just, you know, a little bit of, uh, his. His Hulk vision, not really being able to see the picture for exactly what it was and maybe bringing something else to the page, besides just his experience with, but what a great review, Trey.

TREY: [00:28:08] Thank you!

CHELSEY: [00:28:09] That was great. I really, I feel for Michael S, I think I'll be thinking about him for a little while.

TREY: [00:28:15] Yeah, let's all take a moment to wish positive vibes towards Michael S. And, um, all right, let's take a quick little break. And then when we come back, we can play with our favorite Dame Meryl. Before we jump into Lady Donn's review

CHELSEY: [00:28:30] I love it. Let's do it. BRB.

BRB. Bye.

VOICEOVER: [00:28:37] Hold your crown. We'll be right back.


TREY: [00:28:48] Hi, I'm Angela. I live in a small gated community, but I'm wrestling with a very big problem. My bathtub is too slippery. If only there was a product with which I could stick onto my tub in order to have grippy grippy. So I don't slippy slippy. Thank goodness. There's a beautiful product called "Slippy Slippy. Grippy Grippy!" Ever since I purchased "Slippy Slippy. Grippy Grippy!" my life, as Angela, in a small gated community has truly turned around. Thank you. "Slippy Slippy. Grippy Grippy!". You're a wonderful product. Five crowns to you.

CHELSEY: [00:29:30] Is this what we're doing now? Um, okay. We can try. Sure.

TREY: [00:29:38] Woo.

All right. It's game time. So ready, Chelsey. We're going to take our quick little spin on the Meryl-Go-Round. Are you ready to strap into your ...piggy,

CHELSEY: [00:30:05] I'm in a piggy today. Oh, wonderful.

TREY: [00:30:07] but it's a pur purple piggy!

CHELSEY: [00:30:09] Oh, a purple piggy! Can it have wings?

TREY: [00:30:12] Yes.

CHELSEY: [00:30:13] A purple piggy with wings so that I can say when pigs fly and then like,

TREY: [00:30:17] Oh, what am I on?

CHELSEY: [00:30:19] oh, good question. I was picturing you on actually like a rocket ship,

TREY: [00:30:26] Oh,

CHELSEY: [00:30:27] like just like ready to like take off.

TREY: [00:30:31] I wanted to say anchors away, but that's not accurate.

VOICEOVER: [00:30:34] I don't feel like an icon. Most of the days, I feel like "I can't!".

That's with an a.

TREY: [00:30:43] okay, so here's the deal, Chelsey and I have each picked a rotten, scathy... scathy!, Scathing, pithy one-star zinger. And with 30 seconds on the clock, we will take turns trying to recite the zinger and as many genres as possible.

CHELSEY: [00:31:00] Just like queen Meryl, who does it all.

TREY: [00:31:03] Before the clock runs out.

CHELSEY: [00:31:06] Okay. I think I go first. Cause you did the first review, right?

TREY: [00:31:10] That's right.

CHELSEY: [00:31:12] I don't know though. It's so scary. It just says, okay. So my a one-star zinger is from GNC and it is in reference to the Goli nutrition, apple cider vinegar, gummies in the 500 milligram variety. And the review is by Mitchy, and Mitchy says, "I was sent a knockoff brand and don't like the taste of it."

I will try to honor Meryl here. Okay. Let's see. Let's do it.

TREY: [00:31:48] Inhale exhale, oh, wait, I'm going to sneeze. Hold on. Let me

CHELSEY: [00:31:52] You're not going to sneeze now. Cause you just said you're going to sneeze.

TREY: [00:31:54] Yeah, that's true. Okay. You ready?

CHELSEY: [00:31:56] Yes. All right.

TREY: [00:31:59] Musical theater,

CHELSEY: [00:32:01] I standing knock up, ran, and I don't like the of it. I'm sad knock off brands. Don't like the taste of it.

TREY: [00:32:10] soap, opera,

CHELSEY: [00:32:12] I was sent to lock off brand and I don't like the taste of it.

TREY: [00:32:16] film.

CHELSEY: [00:32:18] I was sent a brand and I don't like the taste of it.

TREY: [00:32:22] Opera diva movie.

CHELSEY: [00:32:30] Okay. That's all.

TREY: [00:32:32] Good job girl. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Good job.

CHELSEY: [00:32:37] All right. So I'm pleased with five. That was a kind of long one, so,

TREY: [00:32:42] Yeah, that was good.

CHELSEY: [00:32:43] okay. Are you ready? What do you have

TREY: [00:32:46] All right. So my one zinger today is from for the Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Wiz. And this is from Carmen M

CHELSEY: [00:32:59] okay.

TREY: [00:32:59] and the review is, "never got to use it. Half of it broke."

CHELSEY: [00:33:04] What a shame. All right. Are you, you have to beat five, Trey. Can you do it?

TREY: [00:33:10] I'm going to try, I'm going to try,

CHELSEY: [00:33:11] Alright. You got this. I mean, I shouldn't be cheering you on, but I am.

TREY: [00:33:15] I mean, I am on a rocket ship.

CHELSEY: [00:33:17] You are on a rocket ship, you should just take off. All right. Ready? Let's do it.

VOICEOVER: [00:33:21] 3, 2, 1

CHELSEY: [00:33:24] Musical theater.

TREY: [00:33:25] Never, I never got to use it half the vape broke.

CHELSEY: [00:33:37] mine disaster.

TREY: [00:33:43] never got to use it. Oh, I never got use it. I have, I broke off. Uh,

CHELSEY: [00:33:54] Disney. That's all.

TREY: [00:33:57] what's that

CHELSEY: [00:33:58] me. I think you beat me. Hold on 2, 3, 4, 5. It's a tie.

TREY: [00:34:05] Thank you.

CHELSEY: [00:34:07] Once again, the Queens are unanimous.

TREY: [00:34:09] I mean, look at that. A piggy and a rocket ship.

CHELSEY: [00:34:12] A piggy and, piggy with wings, a Piggy flies and rocket ship are about to land in the same place.

TREY: [00:34:21] just occurred to me for the first time that you're going to get there at the same time. If you're on a Meryl-Go-Round.

CHELSEY: [00:34:27] It's true.

TREY: [00:34:29] Interesting. All right. Well, I'm proud of both of us.

CHELSEY: [00:34:32] did it. We accomplished that. That was. great.


VOICEOVER: [00:34:37] Review That Review.

TREY: [00:34:40] All Chelsey Chels, what have you got for us this week?

CHELSEY: [00:34:44] Well, I have a review from Amazon and the review is written by Troy. W, and it is a one-star review of the Sol Coastal The Beach Behemoth - Giant Inflatable Ball, a to 12 foot Pole-to-Pole, Huge Jumbo Toys for Water Games and Family Fun.

TREY: [00:35:11] Oh No,

CHELSEY: [00:35:12] Yes. Oh, no is right. So this is Troy W. Subject, "Some serious things to consider before buying this ball." First of all, if you have your heart set on this and want this gigantic ball, there's technically nothing wrong with this product, but please take a minute to consider some things that I did not consider before imposing this monstrosity onto our son's graduation party. dot dot dot.

One: It's huge. I mean, it's really big, which means you cannot see who or what is on the other side of it. We had a party full of teenage boys. No small kids. And this was a problem with people getting bowled over. I can only imagine if there were small kids around.

Two: Once it was completely blown up about an hour and a half with a small air compressor. It bounced everywhere across people, picnic tables, horse fence, the neighbor's yard, and into a FOUR LANE HIGHWAY. My partygoer teens. We're trying to keep it from causing a pile up in front of our house. We had to push the darn thing down into the woods to keep it from blowing, it was windy, back into the road.

Three: We decided that letting some air out of it might keep it from bouncing so much. And by this time. It had a few holes in it from pushed into the woods. The boys played with it. Okay. For a while, until it had lost enough air for one boy to think he could jump on it like a trampoline

TREY: [00:37:14] no.

CHELSEY: [00:37:16] That's when he bounced over the top of it and came down to the ground, BREAKING HIS COLLARBONE.

Four: The kids took it back to the campfire after that and ceremoniously deflated the rest. And then that was the end of my hundred dollar hope for a cool party toy. Never again, Saturday. Sad face..

VOICEOVER: [00:37:54] Yeah.

TREY: [00:37:54] Oh My God, the bar has just been raised so fiercely, how did you find that?

CHELSEY: [00:38:02] I was looking, actually I was looking for toys for my nephew's birthday. He was having like a lawn party. They were doing a movie before and I was like, oh, it might be cute. If we had some lawn toys, I was looking up like fun lawn toys. And I came across this huge. Ball. And I thought like, oh, maybe this is a good idea. This could be like fun. Like all the kids could play with this ball together. Like I was getting, I don't know, like elementary school, gym vibes from it. I thought it could be good. And then I read the reviews and I saw this and I thought, of course, like what a Review Queen, but also, oh my God.

TREY: [00:38:41] So we already know that the impact for you was a deal breaker, right? Because you did not buy it.

CHELSEY: [00:38:47] I of course did not buy the item. I w I like, of course I didn't. I mean, how could you buy an item after that? Troy W

TREY: [00:38:58] Troy W has. Okay. Well, okay. I do have a couple of things to contest because just I'm just hearing. So do you think that it's hyperbole or do you think that someone actually broke their collarbone?

CHELSEY: [00:39:10] I think somebody actually broke their collarbone.

TREY: [00:39:14] So then why did this, why did something continue with the ball after it?

CHELSEY: [00:39:18] It says the kids took it back to the campfire after that and ceremoniously, deflated the rest of it. And that was the end of my hundred dollar hope for cool party till now. Like what I wanted was that they were going to throw it in the fire.

TREY: [00:39:32] Right. But now I'm hearing that they, that was like, okay,

CHELSEY: [00:39:36] that was the final. It was like,

TREY: [00:39:38] they add, yeah,

CHELSEY: [00:39:39] Yeah. It felt like the, yeah, like the, getting it to the campfire was kind of like guys, this ball has caused enough damage.

It's time to deflate the beast.

TREY: [00:39:50] When you started this, I wrote down the word monstrosity because I was like, what a word! And now given the, um, review, I, I echo monstrosity. I mean, that is a monster.

CHELSEY: [00:40:01] Yeah.

TREY: [00:40:02] I also love the visual of being bowled over like that is so hilarious. And like, these boys, like, wow. And then also just the fact of blowing something up for an hour and a half, they said it was a small electric motor.

That like insane. That is so long. That's like six episodes of Sex and the City. That's crazy.

CHELSEY: [00:40:22] that's so true. And also like it does, I don't know why when I was looking at it, I didn't really, this is what. Fully like fathoms, how big this was. It does say in the title of the item, 12 foot pole-to-pole,

TREY: [00:40:38] What does that mean?

CHELSEY: [00:40:40] I think that means longitude. Latitude would be my guess, like we're talking.

TREY: [00:40:44] ball.

CHELSEY: [00:40:46] but yeah, like we're talking like it's 12 up and 12 across.

TREY: [00:40:50] That's an interesting description of that. Why wouldn't you just say

CHELSEY: [00:40:53] I don't know. But like,

TREY: [00:40:55] also

CHELSEY: [00:40:55] that is, or circumference, but that is like, Huge. And it's kind of, and it says huge jumbo toy, but what I guess, like what I liked the most about Troy was obviously his sense of humor. I mean, it really, like, it took me a lot not to laugh. Like it was really funny. And then also.

He didn't give up on the ball, like, or his what's the word, his enthusiasm. When he bought the ball, like he really had high hopes for it. He was like, this is going to be a really cool thing for the party. And like, he's like, he's empathizing with the person that's going to be purchasing this. That's how I felt when I was reading it.

Like, You're not Crazy that you want to do this thing. I get it. Like, I also wanted to do this thing cause I thought it could be fun now that I've lived it now that like I'm, I'm post acquisition of the ball. Like I have some wisdom to share and boy.

TREY: [00:41:54] I really appreciated that approach. And that approach follows all the way through. It feels like Troy W as a friend saying like, look, let me tell you, like, this is like the side story over here. Even when you say it was windy, was that in parentheses?

CHELSEY: [00:42:07] Yes.

TREY: [00:42:08] Okay. Cause that was a beautiful reading.

CHELSEY: [00:42:11] Yes. It was in parentheses. That's what I'm saying. Like he gave us so much detail, like, you know, detail on detail on detail.

TREY: [00:42:18] Now, when you were screaming about the collarbone and going into the street and all that, is it in caps?

CHELSEY: [00:42:24] Caps with many exclamation points. Yeah. So like, especially the into a four-lane highway was like, really like all caps, like maybe like 20 exclamation points, like do not miss this detail.

TREY: [00:42:39] You know, what was the detail that I thought was just like thrown in and then like never addressed again, horse fence.

CHELSEY: [00:42:48] Yeah, well, to me, I don't know what you thought. I was like, oh, this is a farm. This is a very large property.

TREY: [00:42:55] Yeah. I mean for a 12 by 12 pole, I mean, that's ginormous, that's like crazy.

CHELSEY: [00:43:01] Yeah. I also want to point out this isn't something that we usually say, but I'm just noticing it from a screenshot that 815 people found this review helpful.

TREY: [00:43:11] Oh my gosh. I mean, I do think valuable and like, it, it, it is sort of making me even think like, this is probably gonna like be dangerous if it's purchased.

CHELSEY: [00:43:21] yeah, extremely, it's just, this is a deal breaker.

TREY: [00:43:26] It just sort of occurs to me. Like it's just so chock full of details that I, it does make me wonder if this is like a fake comedy review. Did someone really break their collarbone? Like how would you even jump on it as a kid? If it's 12 feet tall,

CHELSEY: [00:43:41] Well, it was partially deflated. So it was like, I imagine it was now because they said he jumped on it like a trampoline. So if it's partially deflated, oh, this could for sure happen. I mean, even just jumping on a regular trampoline, you could break your collarbone. kids will be kids,

TREY: [00:43:58] I mean, it is a kid's toy. So I would imagine that this, like all the things that these teenagers came up with are all the things that most kids are going to come up with when you're playing with the 12 foot ball.

CHELSEY: [00:44:08] Yeah. just feel like the specificity of this and the story like, yes, it's extreme. Yes. It's crazy. There's so many the highway and like the collarbone, the horse fence. There's so many, there's just so many specifics about this that are outrageous, but specific enough that it feels authentically true.

TREY: [00:44:28] I kind of want one,

CHELSEY: [00:44:29] You okay, good luck. I'm definitely not getting anyone.

TREY: [00:44:33] I don't even know what you would do with a ball that large.

CHELSEY: [00:44:36] I thought it would be fun for like a kid's birthday party.

TREY: [00:44:39] I was literally guffawing of that. I mean, my throat kind of hurts. really got me. I mean, I don't think I've ever been more entertained by a review.

CHELSEY: [00:44:51] I was so entertained when I was reading it. I just couldn't. I like barely got through reading it. It was so funny.

TREY: [00:44:57] I think I'm ready to crown this. Are you

CHELSEY: [00:44:58] I'm ready. I'm I've never been more ready in my life.

TREY: [00:45:02] All right, so here we go. Let's crown it.

VOICEOVER: [00:45:05] The Queens are Tabulating.

TREY: [00:45:08] All right. I'm a little, I think I'm a little nervous, but all right.

CHELSEY: [00:45:12] Okay. I'm excited. Okay.

VOICEOVER: [00:45:19] Total score!

TREY: [00:45:20] Yeah, I knew it.

CHELSEY: [00:45:22] Okay. If ever I had a golden ticket, like if I was on a reality show and I had a golden ticket, like I would be givin' the golden ticket, I will be pushing that button. There would be confetti coming down for Troy W. Troy W, you're a Review Queen,

TREY: [00:45:37] I mean, this is so epic.

CHELSEY: [00:45:40] Epic!.

TREY: [00:45:40] I mean, we all know that I hate The Voice, but I would turn my chair around too.

CHELSEY: [00:45:44] Yeah. all three chairs are getting turned around. We are fighting over Troy W! W, if you're listening to this,

TREY: [00:45:52] please leave us a voicemail.

CHELSEY: [00:45:53] Please. I mean, if anybody knows Troy w or the kid that broke their collarbone, let us know,

TREY: [00:46:00] I want to hear from the kid that broke his collarbone. I want a play by play.

CHELSEY: [00:46:04] I want to know I want to meet him. I want to send him a crown because what a Review Queen,

TREY: [00:46:11] I do have to say, I really want to know if this is real, but I'm counterbalanced by that because it was so entertaining. And also like, I kind of want to get the ball, even though like I have no need for it. Like, it probably wouldn't even fit in our backyard. I just it's like, this is like exactly the reason this podcast exists! Like Troy W's wordsmithness, and the bullet point with the numbering. I mean, come on. You are total Review Queen,

CHELSEY: [00:46:38] It was beautiful. It was beautiful

TREY: [00:46:40] I, I guess I quit. You just upped the game so hardcore, I'm so proud of you.

CHELSEY: [00:46:47] every once in a while you come across a Troy W and I got to bring it to you. It's my job. As a Review Queen.

TREY: [00:46:52] Oh, and also we've never really said this, but if you listener ever find a review that you want us to review, we do have a submit that review button on our website, which is Submit it there and tell us so that we can read it on air, but we'll give you a shout out.

CHELSEY: [00:47:09] Yeah. Or if like going to websites and pushing buttons, like makes you anxious, you can also take a screenshot or a link, link us to the review and just send that puppy to

TREY: [00:47:23] Beautiful. I mean, Chelsey, good grief. I have learned so much today. This has been

CHELSEY: [00:47:29] Yes.

TREY: [00:47:30] epic journey. I feel like scrubby scrubby, slippy, slippy. I really value a good sturdy grounding, in, when I'm in a shower bathtub and you know, I think that is only going to lead me astray. And now I think I might go to and look at, look at this ball. I want to see some other reviews. I mean, it's really making me want to take some action here.

CHELSEY: [00:47:57] Yes. I learned that I'm never taking you to a Cash Only establishment, cause that's just...

TREY: [00:48:02] thank you.

CHELSEY: [00:48:03] ...asking for trouble.

TREY: [00:48:05] ... Thank you

CHELSEY: [00:48:06] Or if I do take you to a cash only establishment, I'll like prepay or something so that like no check arrives, because I don't want to like trigger you in any way. People bringing their passion to these reviews. And I think that's, what's so cool about it. And what was so special about this episode to me was I really felt like I knew who Michael S was even if I disagreed with what he was saying. And I really feel like Troy W just delivered on so many levels. I just love what we do.

TREY: [00:48:37] Amen.

CHELSEY: [00:48:38] All right. My Queen, we have reached the most Regal portion of our show.

Who are you, Trey, inducting for?

VOICEOVER: [00:48:48] My Royal Highness.