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TRANSCRIPT of Episode 7: "Ripley’s Believe It or Not! / The Giving Tree"

Updated: Sep 17, 2021



Transcript of Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald Episode 7 "Ripley’s Believe It or Not! / The Giving Tree" for the differently abled and those who prefer to read.


Review That Review with Chelsey Donn and Trey Gerrald

Episode 7

THEME SONG: [00:00:00] Everybody's got an opinion.

Every Californian and Virginian.

It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.

Someone's gotta settle the score.

Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!

Whose views win, which ones lose.

Online haters are comin' for you!

Baby, it's time to Review That Review!



CHELSEY: [00:00:30] Hi.

TREY: [00:00:32] Hi everyone. Welcome to Review That Review! The podcast dedicated to reviewing...

CHELSEY: [00:00:37] ...reviews. We're just like Siskel and Ebert only instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we rate and review those hilarious, scathing and sometimes suspicious online reviews.

TREY: [00:00:49] So suspicious. That's Chelsey Donn,

CHELSEY: [00:00:52] and that's Trey Gerrald,

TREY: [00:00:54] and together we are

VOICEOVER: [00:00:56] The Review Queens.

CHELSEY: [00:01:00] How's your crown feeling today, Trey?

TREY: [00:01:02] You know, I've secured it with 19 Bobby pins and a whole lot of AquaNet.

CHELSEY: [00:01:06] Okay, well then it's definitely not going anywhere. Um, how's your week been?

TREY: [00:01:11] My week is, it's good. I feel like I always have a really boring answer to this, which is probably a great thing.

CHELSEY: [00:01:16] It's a hard question to be fair.

TREY: [00:01:18] I think my week's been good. We're still, um, you know, assimilating as a family with our new dog, which I think we are gonna go with Hunter. We're sort of still figuring that out. Um, Winnie's doing well with him and the week is good our nephew Denver's visiting and staying with us, which is nice. And, um, my friend from preschool, Rachel is also staying with us. So it's a very full house. It's been a good week. How about you? How's your week?

CHELSEY: [00:01:43] My week has been good. I just spoke with my alumni office at my high school for a little while, which is nice to connect and, um, might be doing something with them in the future, which is great feeling excited to be here. And I can't even believe what this is. Episode seven, right?

TREY: [00:02:03] Seven! Seven minutes in heaven!

CHELSEY: [00:02:06] Hopefully it will be however long, 52 minutes in heavem, or however long this ends up being. But thank you guys for tuning in. It's been so amazing doing this podcast and having so many of you reach out with just the nicest things to say and Trey, and I really, really appreciate it. First and foremost, this is something that we're doing for fun that we, we just enjoy doing. And the fact that people are enjoying it along with us is just, it's so nice. So thank you guys.

TREY: [00:02:34] It really is amazing, actually.

CHELSEY: [00:02:35] And with all that love. You know, being spread around. I think that it's time that we

VOICEOVER: [00:02:43] Lodge A Complaint!

TREY: [00:02:44] It's really funny because when we conceived this whole idea, it was like, yeah, we'll start with talking about our week and we'll go into complaints.

But like, it's such a hard segue consistently because we're like so full of gratitude about the podcast. And then it's like, Hard turn, but I'm going to start because I have a really hardcore complaint that is something that has been with me internally for probably all of my life. I'm not sure exactly where it began. It has something to do with being a people pleaser, but I want to lodge a complaint against this internal turmoil about telling anyone when they're fly is down. It's the same internal turmoil when like you're talking to someone and they accidentally spittle on your face.

CHELSEY: [00:03:33] Oh, yeah. That's bad...

TREY: [00:03:33] and you like, don't want to like wipe it away. You don't want, like, you don't like, they know they did it, you know, they, you know,

CHELSEY: [00:03:39] You also don't want their spit on your face.

TREY: [00:03:41] Right. So you're like trying to like be clever and like, oh, is that a fly? And you just magically wiped your cheek. Or it's like, oh, you know, it's also that same internal feeling when you're in conversation with someone and they have halitosis disgusting, horrifying breath.

And, and it's like, if I say, oh, your breath, it's like, the conversation's over. It's terrible. I just registered that those are all the same feeling inside where I feel stopped in expressing what's actually occurring from a place of uncomfortability. So I'm just lodging a complaint about. Being stifled and sharing like, oh sir, your fly is down. It's not the same. If someone has like, um, someone comes out of a bathroom and they have toilet paper on their shoe that is sort of, it's like, you haven't done anything wrong. Like you just didn't notice that that's there. But I feel like if your fly's down, you like maybe. How did you forget to zip it up? I don't know. I don't know, but like, if you have bad breath, it's like,why do you have bad breath? And you didn't realize it. And so I don't want to acknowledge it because then I'm being judgemental and then it's, it could be confrontational. And if someone spits on my face, I don't know why that's so uncomfortable. And I'm really hoping that out of the pandemic, that's something that we just have no issue with anymore, but that's my complaint. It really. Wreaks havoc internally on me. And, um, I'm going to commit right here on the podcast to taking action on this complaint, being the change I want to see in the world when it comes to acknowledging when a fly is down, when someone spits on my face and when someone has horrifyingly bad breath.

CHELSEY: [00:05:17] Wow, speak your truth. But I also feel you, I had a friend whose mom told somebody, like a friend of her sisters that she had something in her teeth...

TREY: [00:05:28] Oh! Same thing!

CHELSEY: [00:05:29] That she tried to do it as a joke, which I understand like joke is a good way of going about it. Right? Like it's, it's, you know, we're humans, these things happen.

And the woman did not take the joke well, but it's, it's just one of those things where it's hard to know, like how can I be helpful without making you feel worse? Like how can I create a safe space for you.

TREY: [00:05:51] Cause the alternative is, if I don't tell you you're going to go home at night and be like, oh my God, how long was my fly down?

CHELSEY: [00:05:56] Totally. Yeah. I mean like, or like me, like I had chicken Caesar salad stuck in my braces for most of my batmitzvah. Can you believe it?

TREY: [00:06:06] Are you serious?

CHELSEY: [00:06:06] I swear. Half of my pictures, from my batmitzvah, have chicken Caesar salad in my braces and not a single person told me. I mean, I'm livid every time I, come across a picture where you can see the romaine it's terrible.

TREY: [00:06:19] I am mouth agape at that. How did the photographer not tell you?

CHELSEY: [00:06:23] I mean, like, to be fair to all parties involved, I mean, the photographer, I don't know, like maybe it was the braces and he couldn't really see it. And then like I saw it later. I do wish like one of my friends or somebody would have just been like, well, let me just like give you a little bit of a advice. Like here's a toothpick.

TREY: [00:06:41] here's a toothpick.

CHELSEY: [00:06:41] Yeah!

TREY: [00:06:42] Wow. I'm I'm, I'm so amazed at how, how much, um, we both have to share about this internal turmoil. What is your,

CHELSEY: [00:06:50] Very universal!

TREY: [00:06:51] What's your complaint for today?

CHELSEY: [00:06:53] I think I have an important con complaint. Now I complain a lot about things that are like semantics, and I get mad when things don't line up and I want a logic complaint against internet cookies. Because for so many reasons, but like how dare they call themselves cookies when it's just such, not a pleasurable experience?

TREY: [00:07:15] Wait, what are they, though, like I actually don't really even know...

CHELSEY: [00:07:18] Right, most people don't.

TREY: [00:07:19] It's like your history?

CHELSEY: [00:07:21] It's kind of, okay, so sometimes you'll visit a website and there'll be like, in order to see this website, you need to accept our cookies. You know, like when you're looking at something on the internet and then all of a sudden that thing you were looking at the internet, like follows you everywhere. That's the cookies fault. And that's what they're doing. They're gathering information and they need you to agree that it's okay. Under the guise of making your experience on the website a little bit better, right? Like if I know that you need bedsheets, then when you open up this Macy's app, I'm going to show youthose bed bedsheets and like, just like weird stuff like that. I hate them. I don't agree. Sometimes I'll just say, no, I don't accept your cookies. And sometimes that's okay. Like they'll still let me use the website. And sometimes I'm just like, if you're not going to let me use your website, cause I won't accept your cookies, then I'm not going to use your website. And I just think the offense of the cookies in general is horrendous, but then beyond the offense. I love cookies. Okay. Cookies are like my favorite dessert. I enjoy them. I think cookies are perfect. It's like the cookie is to dessert. What the taco is to like an entree. You know what I mean? It's just like all perfect ingredients. Cookies are fabulous. And the fact that they have the nerve to call this, this is not a gift. This thing, cookies offensive. They should change the name. It's wrong.

TREY: [00:08:48] That is such a real complaint it happens so much in a day that I don't even recognize it. Like, I don't even like recognize the nuisance any longer. I feel like something happened recently in the last couple of years where it's like every single website has a little banner that's like, accept our cookies.

CHELSEY: [00:09:06] No, I'm not accepting. Ugh!

TREY: [00:09:09] Wow. Good job, Chelsey. That I really feel you on that.

CHELSEY: [00:09:13] Thank you.

TREY: [00:09:14] Oh my God.

CHELSEY: [00:09:16] Okay. I feel better. I really do feel better. Being able to discuss that with you and get it off my chest. How do you feel having talked about your shame of confronting people, even when you're helping them?

TREY: [00:09:29] Um, I think I feel okay. I don't feel, I really feel resolved, but I feel like excited to take on not being uncomfortable anymore.

CHELSEY: [00:09:37] Yeah. Like you're on the path now.

TREY: [00:09:39] I feel a little annoyed now about cookies, to be honest. But anyway, let's move on. Let's jump in to some written online reviews,

CHELSEY: [00:09:46] Please. As you know, we are your trusty Review Queens, we each bring in a review from the internet that we feel needs to be inspected.

TREY: [00:09:55] We read you the review, break it down and rate the impact of their review on a scale from one to five crowns. It is a very Regal process that we call

VOICEOVER: [00:10:03] Asses That Kvetch.

TREY: [00:10:05] Hey Chels, did you know that kvetch means complaint?

CHELSEY: [00:10:08] I'm kvelling, Trey! Your Yiddish! It's excellent.

TREY: [00:10:13] Guzi guzunt!

CHELSEY: [00:10:15] Yikes! Okay, who is first today?

TREY: [00:10:18] You are, my lady!

VOICEOVER: [00:10:22] Review That Review.

CHELSEY: [00:10:26] Okay. My review is written by, I'm going to butcher this name and I apologize in advance, Orsolya, I'm going to spell it. O R S O L Y A. Orsolya D. This is a two-star review of Ripley's, Believe it or Not. Uh, in... in Hollywood, I believe it's in Hollywood, and this is, Orsolya D's opinion of Ripley's Believe it or Not.

You're right. Ripley. I don't believe it. I don't believe what a complete waste of time and disappointment you are. You're lucky I had complimentary tickets because there's no way anyone should spend hard earned cash on you. One expects much more fun from this famous tourist hotspot. What a dud, this 'odditorium' turned out to be.

The most appealing factor. The exterior. Which has you believe that the contents will entice, excite and astonish! I suppose that is another one of Ripley's illusions. I generally stay away from tourist spots, but I had complimentary tickets and Hey, if it's free, I'm in. Not to mention, I took the Metro, so I didn't have to deal with parking and whatnot.

I arrived to an empty building. Maybe everyone already knows not to come here. Even the young teenager working the front desk was bored and making fun of the establishment. I expected oddities, jars with preserved alien creatures, ancient artifacts, et cetera. What I find? A few rooms of facts on tablets and the most cheesy mannequin displays demonstrating the stated fact.

It was horrible. I have a better time reading a Ripley's believe it or not book. A complete bore. There were only a few highlights, which are barely memorable. So that shows how much of a highlight they were. Everything looked like a fun house at an elementary school carnival. The hall of dungeon-like displays of torture weapons was okay, but played cheesy Halloween sound effect tapes, and the mannequins were dressed up for Christmas, wearing Santa hats and naughty signs, which decreased the effect even more. We were in and out of this place in about 30 minutes or less. I can't believe this place is still in business.

TREY: [00:13:16] Wow.

CHELSEY: [00:13:17] Yeah.

TREY: [00:13:17] Orsolya D wants to make it very clear that they had comp tickets. I think they said that about three times.

CHELSEY: [00:13:22] They did, I will say I love Orsolya D's personality and passion here, but they were a bit repetitive.

TREY: [00:13:31] Have you ever been to a Ripley's Believe it or Not?.

CHELSEY: [00:13:33] I went to, yes, I've been to the Ripley's believe it or not in Atlantic city. And I remember when I went with my friends, we were so excited. Cause there was something else to do in the area. It was pretty boring though.

TREY: [00:13:42] Oh really? I've actually never been.

CHELSEY: [00:13:44] Yeah, it's not like... they really oversell it, which I think is what, Orsolya is getting at, like outside of it and everything they're like, Ripley's believe it or not. And there were like some interesting factoids about like the guy with the longest toenails...

TREY: [00:14:01] or that woman that can pop her eyeballs out.

CHELSEY: [00:14:03] Oh, yes, I'm sure she was. She was probably on display, or like something with Snapple or like the most Snapple lids, I was a kid when I went, like, I was still a teenager at the time and I think we had like enough fun sort of making fun of it and probably using the photo booth or something. But again, this was in Atlantic city, not Hollywood. So I don't know.

TREY: [00:14:23] There is one in Key West and there's obviously a famous one in New York, but I've actually never been. But I know in key west, the building is, and even in Hollywood, I've seen, I've driven by the one in Hollywood, the built the facade, like Orsolya said is like really cool looking.

CHELSEY: [00:14:39] A hundred percent the facade like super cool. It definitely makes you think like, oh, maybe I'll do that. Even if it's like, oh, maybe when my, my nephew comes in town or something like that, something we can do. I'm happy to know that it's kind of bad. I mean, like, I'm, I'm glad that I read this review because I think it might. Like push me over the edge to not go. And remember the last time I did it when I was a kid, that it really wasn't that interesting. And they're not really giving anything, but I think maybe if I got complimentary tickets,

TREY: [00:15:11] Does Orsolya say anything about. Children or was it just, Orsolya? It says they were in and out within half an hour. Right? So

CHELSEY: [00:15:20] it said we were in and out. So they were with somebody I'm trying to just quickly look. Yeah. No, the only other person that Orsolya mentioned was the younger teenager that was working there.

TREY: [00:15:33] Who was bored, making fun or it

CHELSEY: [00:15:34] He was bored and also making fun of it.

TREY: [00:15:36] I mean, it does definitely occur to me as a tourist thing for children like that. It definitely so hearing that it's just stupid mannequins. And also, I just love like the age ism within saying. The cheesy Halloween sound effect tapes like this franchise of Ripley's, believe it or not is using cassette tapes, what is the spelling and grammar like?

CHELSEY: [00:16:01] Spelling and grammar is solid. Good. We, you know, we use quotations appropriately, punctuations, all good. We've used some CA all caps, but not in a way that was abusive.

TREY: [00:16:11] I actually really believe Orsolya in this only, because at first I was like, 'Why, is this bitch writin a review when they got comp tickets', but they must have like, they must really be committed to making a difference in the world because if they were that offended by the inferiority of this oddity display, um,

CHELSEY: [00:16:35] odditorium

TREY: [00:16:36] odditorium, that's the word. And this is two stars, right? So I wonder why it wasn't one.

CHELSEY: [00:16:42] I think the second star is for the comp ticket. We can't just give a one star. I think I agree with you. Like we got comp tickets. It was free. The whole, I think that they say you're lucky I had a complimentary ticket, you know, because it was something to do.

TREY: [00:16:56] I wonder how you get those, how can I get a comp ticket? I wanna go.

CHELSEY: [00:17:00] I feel like it's probably either like a school raffle, you know, going to free you freeway, or maybe if you're just walking on Hollywood Boulevard and they're just passing them out because they're trying to get bodies in the room and they don't want to hire extras.

TREY: [00:17:14] I, I was intrigued and entertained instantly with the subject or the first sentence, which is like, well Ripley. I don't belive it...

CHELSEY: [00:17:22] you're right, Ripley. I don't believe it. I, yeah, it was good. I mean, I thought Orsolya was clever again, like I think long-winded repetitive at times, but I was laughing when I read this review.

TREY: [00:17:35] If you were Orsolya's grandma, would you put this on the fridge?

CHELSEY: [00:17:38] Maybe, I don't know. I didn't probably not. I don't think it's that interesting, but, um, some people's grandparents have a lot of weird things on their fridge.

TREY: [00:17:47] I mean, it is interesting to me to be given something for free and then make the choice to like, give a negative opinion of it, which like, I appreciate the, um, integrity of doing that, but there is something odd about like, well, But it was free. I mean, Orsolya was like really turned off by this. I mean, I, I do find this to, I don't know if it's a deal breaker, but it's, but it's definitely an impact because every time I go by the Ripley's in Key West or in Times Square, I do like feel a little sense of like, oh, I bet this would be really fun.

CHELSEY: [00:18:21] Right. Or I should cross off the bucket list or something.

TREY: [00:18:24] But now I really think Orsolya is going to live within me.

CHELSEY: [00:18:27] Yeah, I think Orsolya is not going anywhere for awhile, but I, I also think just to like push back a teeny bit in terms of the free thing and whether or not, Orsolya has the right to write a review because it was free. Like you said, like they were transparent about it was free. It wasn't like they were saying they paid for it and then writing this review. So like, I appreciate the transparency. It's similar to, I don't know if you've ever come across a product. Sometimes people in like products like reviews will say, you know, I got this as a free trial or, you know, I, I got this product for free, but I'm reviewing it anyway. And I think that sometimes money comes up in, in the review. Like I, this was a rip off or something. I thought, obviously we dealt with that. Um, with last week's a wish.com issue, but like, It doesn't always have to be about money. It's really about is this worth my experience is this worth my time. And so I think I would consider a just as much as I would, I would consider anybody else because they did walk through it. They experienced it, I mean, half hour, but you know, they were in there and they did break down some of what I might expect to see if I were to visit this Ripley's believe it or not. I think...

TREY: [00:19:41] And they also said it was an empty building, so like that also helps you to like read the tablets that fast and get out.

CHELSEY: [00:19:47] Yeah. Like there's like nobody in there. So there's no, there's no fighting over a tablet.

TREY: [00:19:52] To your point about this. Like it almost pushes me more in the other direction. They got this for free. And it was still like, so inferior of an experience that they just like don't want anyone to spend money because they didn't like it and it was free. So there is something like very humanitarian about that.

CHELSEY: [00:20:09] Yeah. And also like, Orsolya is an elite reviewer, and I know that people who are elite reviewers, they take it seriously. Like it's almost like their job. To whenever they have an experience, you know, share their experience with the people. I think that plays into why Orsolya wrote this review.

TREY: [00:20:28] Wait, I missed that before. So this is so Orsolya is an elite Yelper viewer.

CHELSEY: [00:20:32] Yeah.

TREY: [00:20:33] Maybe that's how they got comp tickets.

CHELSEY: [00:20:35] Oh, maybe yeah good point maybe, but they didn't have a good experience, so it didn't work out in that regard, but yes, I think, I think we can crown it.

TREY: [00:20:45] Yeah, I think I'm ready.

CHELSEY: [00:20:46] Okay.

TREY: [00:20:47] Chelsey and I each have our own set of one to five crown cards and in an effort to be fair and not influenced by one another's crown cards, we will simultaneously reveal our rating

VOICEOVER: [00:20:58] The Queens are Tabulating.

CHELSEY: [00:21:00] Alright are you ready?

TREY: [00:21:02] Um,

CHELSEY: [00:21:03] I know, I really want to break your crown in half again. I'm like,

TREY: [00:21:06] We can just do, let's just do it. Let's do half crowns. We'll make cards and do and incorporate them later.

CHELSEY: [00:21:12] Okay.

TREY: [00:21:12] Okay. you ready now? You want to make one to hold it up?

CHELSEY: [00:21:15] Yeah, I'll do that really quick

TREY: [00:21:17] I'm gonna make one too.

CHELSEY: [00:21:20] Yeah. Allright.

TREY: [00:21:22] Wait, this is so bad. It's really funny. I'm going to show you. I can't wait to share it. Okay. Hold on.

CHELSEY: [00:21:30] Okay, wait.

VOICEOVER: [00:21:34] Total Score.

CHELSEY: [00:21:35] Oh my goodness. We both said 3.5. Oh, my God. Trey

TREY: [00:21:40] look at my crown.

CHELSEY: [00:21:42] Look at your haf crown.

TREY: [00:21:44] It looks like Bart Simpson.

CHELSEY: [00:21:46] I appreciate the drawing. I didn't even draw anything. I just wrote it on the back of one of our cards from Meryl-G0-Round, but okay. Three and a half crowns unanimous decision by the Queens. Trey, please explain your three and a half.

TREY: [00:22:00] Orsolya had really salient points here and I appreciate candor. It wasn't super entertaining. I won, I thought it would be more from the joke at the get-go, but I do think that there really is a lasting impact. And so for that reason, I actually do want to go to one now to see how factual Orsolya was. So for that reason I broke one in half because I didn't really think it was four, but I didn't think it was three, so three and a half. That is my rating. Why did you do three and a half?

CHELSEY: [00:22:31] I had the same feeling like I wanted to do four, but then I was like, I, you know, I'm sort of a little bit of a stricter judge, so I didn't think it was quite worth four, but I did think it was worth more than three. I took points away from Orsolya cause I think they were a little bit repetitive and they really were top heavy with the entertainment and then sort of like fizzled a little bit. But that being said, I was thoroughly entertained. Everything was clear. I could understand what they were saying. They were transparent about their experience. I definitely believe that they're real. Um, and this is an authentic review. So for those reasons I gave, Orsolya three and a half crowns.

TREY: [00:23:09] Great job, Orsolya. I mean, it's a very solid rating. Half, half of a crown above being middle of the road, which, I applaud.

CHELSEY: [00:23:18] Yeah, me too.

TREY: [00:23:20] All right. Let's take a quick break from all of these oddities. Odditorium talk. And when we come back, we're going to listen to some Listener Voicemails before we get into my review!

CHELSEY: [00:23:31] Oh My God. I can't wait. All right. Love it. BRB,

TREY: [00:23:34] BRBzy.

VOICEOVER: [00:23:37] Hold your crown. We'll be right back.

TREY: [00:23:41] Hello its me, the non trademarked Cookie... Cookie... cookie... What's another word for a monster? What's another word for monster?

CHELSEY: [00:24:02] Villain?

TREY: [00:24:03] Villain! Hello it's me, the non trademarked cookie villain. I love cookies! I love them so much that I'm going to jump into your computer screen and I'm going to make you click, okay. Cookies, cookies, cookies.

CHELSEY: [00:24:27] Oh, my God terrifying. And also...

TREY: [00:24:29] I'm gonna get you, Chelsey.

CHELSEY: [00:24:32] I'm actually a little scared.

TREY: [00:24:36] Oh my God. Chelsey. It's behind you.

CHELSEY: [00:24:43] AHHHH!

TREY: [00:24:46] All right. So this week Meryl is on her union break somewhere in the Caribbean. So today we're not going to have it any time...

CHELSEY: [00:25:00] Oh my God. Wait, hold on one second. Oh shoot. Sorry. I thought I turned my phone off and I guess I didn't..., oh, it's a

VOICEOVER: [00:25:07] Listener Voicemail.

TREY: [00:25:08] Oh my goodness. I didn't know we were doing this cause I didn't say that we were going to do this.

CHELSEY: [00:25:13] I actually don't know what I'm about to hear. So. I'm excited, nervous, like all of the above.

TREY: [00:25:19] So this week we have two separate listener voicemails that we're going to play. first of all, this one comes from someone I'll actually just play because they're going to say their name. So I don't need you to say that.

VOICEOVER: [00:25:32] Hi, my name's Kristin. I'm not calling to be featured on the podcast, but I am calling as a fan. If I were going to review, review the review. To get meta, I would, uh, say, yeah, this is where we're playing, buddy. Um, great to listen to, while you pretend to listen to your children, say the same thing for the 90th time in a row. 10 out of 10 would recommend it to that activity. You guys are doing great. Love you.

CHELSEY: [00:26:01] Oh, wow. Love you.

TREY: [00:26:04] Wow.

CHELSEY: [00:26:04] That was so nice.

TREY: [00:26:06] It sounds like Kristin's very busy,

CHELSEY: [00:26:08] so busy and like juggling a child, obviously like has to be around the kids. And still took the time to call and compliment. And also, I'm sorry, Kristin. Cause I know you said you didn't want to be featured and we featured you anyway. I'm so glad Trey you played that for me.

TREY: [00:26:24] And kristen gave us a 10 out of 10 because we're good for ignoring children.

CHELSEY: [00:26:28] Yeah. And like who doesn't need to ignore their child every once in a while.

TREY: [00:26:32] I've aspired for nothing more in my life than, um, being negligent to children...

CHELSEY: [00:26:37] Being able to ignore children.,

TREY: [00:26:39] Kristin. Thank you.

CHELSEY: [00:26:40] Thank you, kristen. That was awesome.

TREY: [00:26:43] We have, another voicemail. This one is from Matt.

VOICEOVER: [00:26:46] Hi, uh, this is Matt B . I'm lodging a complaint for the Review Queens because I want to hear what your reviews look like. I want you to read your reviews when you review something online. And let, maybe the users actually tell you their thoughts on your reviews. Thanks. Bye.

TREY: [00:27:06] So nice.

CHELSEY: [00:27:08] Not. Nice, but I felt like came in a little, I dunno, like I'm sorry. I think that this is like, um, neither one of us are really big review. Writers. Like I've only, I went to my Yelp profile to see like, am I wrong? Have I written a lot of reviews? And I've only written one, five star review. I probably sent some heated emails. So if it would make Matt feel better, like I can bring in one of my heated emails and read that. That. Would be helpful?

TREY: [00:27:37] I actually appreciate Matt lodging a complaint against us. I think that I love that. I think that's fun.

CHELSEY: [00:27:43] I know.

TREY: [00:27:44] I, so I did a lot of digging in response to this voicemail prior to us recording today. And in the first episode I referenced, but I left a review on delivery.com that I was so scared about that I changed all of my user information and the restaurant no longer exists. So...

CHELSEY: [00:28:05] is it your fault?

TREY: [00:28:06] Probably, but I went through 17 pages of history in my delivery.com account. This is three houses ago. Apartments ago. I can't find it anywhere. I think I may have actually deleted it because I was so worried.

CHELSEY: [00:28:22] Okay.

TREY: [00:28:22] So I have no record of that. Then, I... I looked really long and hard for this, and I'm really hoping that this is not going to be lost forever, but I worked at a outdoor summer stock theater. in like 2005, and I had a really bad experience there. And there used to be a website called Non-Equity Deputy.com, which is a little inside baseball here, but it's a place where you could leave reviews as former hires of, these summer acting jobs. And I left a horrifyingly scathing. Horrible review.

CHELSEY: [00:29:03] Okay.

TREY: [00:29:03] The website no longer exists. It was purchased by another website called Audition Update. And that was purchased by Backstage. And now none of it exists. So there is absolutely no record anywhere. And here, this is more history. I went back out of more fear several years later to see if anyone had ever replied to it. And there was like a horrifying, decimating of my character...

CHELSEY: [00:29:29] Oh my god.

TREY: [00:29:29] Reply.

CHELSEY: [00:29:30] Wait.

TREY: [00:29:30] So

CHELSEY: [00:29:31] wait, where did you find that?

TREY: [00:29:32] It was someone else that was like, I worked there and it was great. And obviously this person like is not a cool person and like, whatever, but I can't find it anywhere. And I'm really disappointed about that because I think it would be very cathartic, but I think it would be really funny to read and like mortifying. So I can't find it, I'm not giving up. I'm hoping that maybe I emailed it to myself. I like logged into my old live journal account, but then I didn't have the right password.

CHELSEY: [00:29:57] You did a lot of research for Matt.

TREY: [00:29:59] I was really sleuthing cause I love this idea. So Matt, thank you for calling in. We are going to take their criticism, the complaint and, um, try to implement it in the future.

CHELSEY: [00:30:09] Yeah. And I also just want to take this opportunity to like say that, you know, there is a certain amount of bravery in posting online reviews. And even though we're, we're kind of like picking fun at these people because it's a comedy podcast and we want to have fun. Like, you know, I get it, like it, it takes a little bit of chutzpah. To, uh, write a review and put it on the internet.

TREY: [00:30:30] That's True. And maybe, you know, I'll be more vocal and leave a a negative review simply to read on the podcast. Um, all right. Well, listeners, if you have something to say, Like Kristin did. If you just want to give us a 10 out of 10, we'll take it,

CHELSEY: [00:30:46] love her.

TREY: [00:30:47] We want to hear it. So if you have a complaint to lodge, if there is a very special person in your life that you want to induct for My Royal Highness, then call us, leave us a voicemail at our voicemail box. The number is 1-850-REVIEW-0

CHELSEY: [00:31:02] That's 1-850-review-zero and operators are standing by or not, but just leave us a message. Please.

VOICEOVER: [00:31:15] Review That Review.

CHELSEY: [00:31:19] Okay. Hi. We are back from that moment of self reflection and insights from Matt and Kristin. Thank you guys. And we are ready to move on to Trey's review. So where is your review from this week, Trey?

TREY: [00:31:34] I really do like the, I didn't even really think about this until this moment, but we had, like, it was a nice ying and yang.

CHELSEY: [00:31:39] Yeah.

TREY: [00:31:39] So good job.

CHELSEY: [00:31:41] Good job, Listeners!

TREY: [00:31:43] Okay, this week, my review is a one star review from amazon.com.

CHELSEY: [00:31:49] Okay.

TREY: [00:31:50] Written by Sharon Kay for the book, The Giving Tree.

CHELSEY: [00:31:57] Okay. Another book? Yes. Okay, great.

TREY: [00:32:01] And the subject is, I was horrified.

CHELSEY: [00:32:03] okay,

TREY: [00:32:05] This book went into the trash. I couldn't make myself put it in the Goodwill box because I did not want to promote this ugly ugly message of greed with no end, this nasty kid who grows up into a nasty adult who successfully kills the thing who is willing to give and give. And give for his self interest. Classic American story of our relationship with the natural world. Of course, it calls into question a tree that apparently has no self-respect and never says, quote, no, enough. But that's not how this story is told, I guess in the right hands, it could impart some powerful lessons, but I am not convinced that people take the time to seriously contemplate these kinds of ideas anymore. On the surface. It is just an ugly story about unfettered, greed a me, me, me mentality, no regard for anything but self. A stupidity that destroys and a self-destructive tree with no sense of self preservation. The whole thing was bad karma from beginning to end, it met the recycle bin within 10 minutes of getting here. F. and shame on you Silverstein for writing such a garbage story. Giving?! Yeah. Right. This book should go out of print. And some of the decent stuff that was written for kids should go back in. Just totally disgusted over here.

CHELSEY: [00:33:53] Wow. Oh my God. That was, that was a lot of energy coming off of that review. Didn't you feel that? Oh, my God,

TREY: [00:34:02] Sharon K came in hot.

CHELSEY: [00:34:03] Sharon K came in very hot, came in very, I don't know hurt, like I remember being a kid, like I can remember the cover of this book. It's the green book, right? With the tree and apple or whatever.

TREY: [00:34:16] Yes!

CHELSEY: [00:34:17] But it's been such a long time that I can't even remember the story. Do you remember the story at all?

TREY: [00:34:23] Oh yes. I, it, I loved The Giving Tree. It is a Shel Silverstein book, basically. It's like this little baby is by the tree and then like the tree gives some shade.Like so that he doesn't get sunburns. And then like he loves the tree. I think he like brings his date to the tree and then like, he carves his initials into the tree. And then as he gets older, he like cuts the tree so that he can build a boat. And then he like is an old person. And then I don't know, he makes a coffin out of it. I don't know what happens at the end, but the whole thing is, is that the tree is like anything for you.

CHELSEY: [00:35:00] The tree keeps giving...

TREY: [00:35:01] It's in the title.

CHELSEY: [00:35:03] Right, right.

TREY: [00:35:04] But, uh, Sharon says F and shame on you.

CHELSEY: [00:35:08] I know. So I, I wrote that down. So F and Shea, did she write just the letter F?

TREY: [00:35:13] Yeah.

CHELSEY: [00:35:13] Okay.

TREY: [00:35:14] Yeah.

CHELSEY: [00:35:14] All right. All right. But that means still bad, but like, at least she didn't, she didn't go for the full profanity. I wonder if Sharon K is in grad school and she was doing research for her thesis. And she was like, let me come up with a really controversial opinion about something. Like what's something that everybody liked when they were a kid, The Giving Tree. Cause it just, it felt like she was very kind of like soap boxy About her interpretation. Do we think it's that deep?

TREY: [00:35:46] I feel like everyone knows the book is like a terrible story. I mean, not that, but everyone gets that like they're saying. why is this the point of the book? Like shouldn't the lesson be? No, they're enough. Like have self-respect first of all, it's a tree. So it does it, is it a self? I don't know, but like, I think that's the point of the book is if you give too much, it's like, yeah, but like, hello, if we're going to call out The Giving Tree, then we need to call out literally every Grimm's fairy tale, which then became every Disney story. They're all horrible. Oh, you have to change who you are to be loved. Oh, great. Cut your fin off sell your voice. Yeah. Like change yourself for this hunk of a hot man who has a nice dog. Like it's not just Shel Silverstein. That's guilty of this.

CHELSEY: [00:36:35] I think,ugh, I hate this stuff too, because we are evolving as people and I'm sure we can look at so many things. You know, so many books we read as, as children that maybe had messages that we didn't see at the time, but I don't know. I feel like we're sort of taking it too far. And, also how long did she say she had the book before it went in the trash? What she then mentioned was recycling, later

TREY: [00:36:59] Thank you. I was literally going to say that. It said trash in the first sentence, and then it says it met the recycle bin within 10 minutes.

CHELSEY: [00:37:08] Like, i, it just doesn't feel like she took a lot of time with the book. Does it sound like she'd read the book before and was like, rebuying it for a kid? Or she was just an adult that was assuming that, you know, Silverstein had written this book in when, whenever this review was written, like, did she not know that this is an old story. I don't know the fact that she said that the tree has no self-respect like, I know you already said that, but like, I don't know, like, is that the point? Like, like i, okay. Like I, like I said before at the paper receipts, I am all about saving the trees. We need the trees, they give us, you know, oxygen to breathe. And also, what about the fact that she said in the right hands, the story could impart some serious lesson. It like, does she want to take a go at it, Sharon?

TREY: [00:37:56] Ooh. I want to read Sharon's version.

CHELSEY: [00:37:58] Sharon, do you want to write a book that says The Self-Respecting Tree? I mean like, like, I don't know, like, I don't know what we would call it. I think it...

TREY: [00:38:06] The Withholding Tree. The Boundary Boss Tree! ,

CHELSEY: [00:38:10] but yes. Thank you, Terri Cole. The Boundary Tree, I'm open to the pitch if she's willing to give it. I just think that Sharon should, use instead of writing. Scathing review, which again, she's completely entitled to her opinion. Of course, maybe Sharon should present an offering.

TREY: [00:38:26] You know, it is interesting to me cause this sort of turns into like literary criticism.

CHELSEY: [00:38:31] Yeah.

TREY: [00:38:31] Because I do think that there is perhaps the, in this book is an inciting incident for a teaching moment within the family or to who ever is reading. It could prompt a conversation. I imagine that. Was what was occurring in my childhood. I remember I loved the book. I thought the book was so sad and the reason it was so sad was because the tree was giving too much of itself. So I think the idea got into my head, like, I think I got the point.

CHELSEY: [00:39:02] That the lesson is inherent, you know,

TREY: [00:39:04] and if it's not, then you have a conversation about it. So it is really interesting...

CHELSEY: [00:39:09] and every story needs a cookie villain and sometimes we're all play the cookie villain. And in this case, The kid might've played the cookie villain a little bit. I was wanting to touch on the bad karma comment.

TREY: [00:39:23] Yeah.

CHELSEY: [00:39:24] So the book is bad karma like owning the book as bad karma writing the book is bad. Karma reading it as bad karma. Like what aspect of the exchange with the book is bad karma? Is it a threat to somebody reading it like, oh, I shouldn't buy it. Cause I'm going to get bad karma.

TREY: [00:39:42] That's a good question. Cause

CHELSEY: [00:39:43] Is Shel Silverstein, gonna reap the, karma of this?

TREY: [00:39:48] The whole thing was bad. karma from beginning to end. And what does that mean? Because who's what, what's the bad karma.

CHELSEY: [00:39:56] What do we mean by that?

TREY: [00:39:57] Cause the boy doesn't get punished. Like the boy has no consequence, so there is no bad karma there. And the tree is willingly giving. So, where is the bad karma?

CHELSEY: [00:40:06] And also we take, right? I think what you were kind of saying before, like there's an opportunity for a lesson here. Every time we go to CVS, you take from the trees, right? Every time you, you go to the bathroom, if you don't have a bedet, you, you know, you gotta be better. Thank those trees. Every day, I'm sitting at a desk that's made out of wood. A tree died for this desk.

TREY: [00:40:27] I mean, I would argue this book is offering. That lesson be cognizant of how much you're taking and not giving in return. How much of a taker are you? I think this is just this whole conversation is leading down the road of educators need to be paid more because the whole point is in kindergarten, you sit in your little storywell. The teacher reads this book, and then there's a conversation following about how were you like the boy? How are you like the tree? How can you be in the middle? Oh my gosh, Sharon,

CHELSEY: [00:40:57] Sharon's got us all worked up. I mean, the other thing I'll say you, you, you do tend to bring in the books, which I appreciate. I don't, it's not like my first go-to when I'm searching for reviews for us. And that's why we make such a great pair. But one of the things that I guess I come up, come up against, whenever we do one of these reviews from books. Is I think of books as being like very subjective in the same way that art is subjective, right? I don't think I can read a book and say every person that reads a book is going to have this experience in the same way that I can't look at art that I really love and say, everybody is going to love this piece of art. So I find it hard to say like would reading this review by Sharon, keep me from buying. Book, because once again, you know, she's talking about it as if this is the only interpretation, this is the only way to read the book. Where I feel like she shouldn't really be speaking for everybody because, you know, you had a completely different experience with this book. We got to leave a little bit of room, right.

TREY: [00:41:59] And it says that too. This book should go out of print. And some of the decent stuff that was written for kids should go back in. And so I wonder.

CHELSEY: [00:42:10] I almost want to know what Sharon would think is decent. I almost wish she would have been like, these are my favorite books when I was a kid. And here's why, and here's why this book, you know, didn't deliver on that same level. Cause I'm just, I don't feel like I know from this, what Sharon's taste is like, I know that she hates this, but I don't know what she likes.

TREY: [00:42:34] Yeah. And 82 people found this helpful.

CHELSEY: [00:42:36] Okay. That's what I am wondering. Like, I don't remember the book well enough to be like, is this a super controversial issue? And, and they giving trees should be canceled. Like,

TREY: [00:42:47] So if you were buying a book for your nephew, Trey, would you read this review? Would it have an impact?

CHELSEY: [00:42:53] Probably not like, I think I would probably just buy it. I probably would buy this in person, see it on the shelf, recognize the cover and be like, oh, I'm having a nostalgic moment with this book.So I want to read it to my nephew. If I'm being honest. Okay. My point is, I think somebody's going to buy The Giving Tree today because it's been around forever and Shel Silverstein is famous and all this, I think they know they want it. I don't know that there are that many people that are on the fence. What do you think?

TREY: [00:43:25] Yeah I mean, my sister and I were just having conversation about Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. And she was like, he's just a brat. So it's like, I think all of the it's, we're just stimulating children's minds.

CHELSEY: [00:43:38] Yeah! We can...

TREY: [00:43:39] my personal opinion...

CHELSEY: [00:43:41] pick things apart forever, but I used to read the Alexanders. No good, very bad day when I was a kid and I never like, it's a character it's like Amelia Bedelia. Like, are we going to be like Amelia Bedelia, she is perpetuating a story that like women can't do things. Like, I don't know. I just loved Amelia Bedelia when I was a kid. I don't feel like it's that deep.

TREY: [00:44:02] Well, I do think that like, this is sort of echoed and like, uh, these like premium television shows now, like we used to be like the, Leave it to the Beavers era where everyone was perfect and like, they would make one mistake. And that was the moral of the story. And now we have like really F up characters. Breaking Bad are doing very horrible things. And they are somehow the protagonist. So I think like we learned from Alexander that don't be an Alexander, don't be a brat. You read this book and perhaps you see like, oh wow, this person's really greedy to the, death of something else. So that's a learning experience.

CHELSEY: [00:44:38] Or, Maybe I should have gratitude when I am like, using something that came off of a tree and they acknowledge the sacrifice that the tree is making.

TREY: [00:44:47] But I do think that there is an impact for me reading this, even though I do have an attachment to The Giving Tree. I would sort of be like, well, maybe this is not the best book to purchase for my nephew. So that is interesting.

CHELSEY: [00:44:58] I know, she definitely, Sharon, if nothing else has made me question...

TREY: [00:45:04] and think...

CHELSEY: [00:45:04] and think about, oh, like, what is this book? And was there like some sort of major gaping negative message that's damaging that I somehow didn't, you know, didn't notice when I read it. So I'll agree. There was, there was a bit of an impact. My, I mean, anyone, if this ever makes it to video for Patreon or anything, like my mouth was pretty much like open the entire time, because I really felt the energy and the anger and the oomph, so to speak behind Sharon's words. so there was for sure an impact. All right. I think we're ready.

TREY: [00:45:39] Yeah, I think I'm ready too, let's crown it.

CHELSEY: [00:45:40] Alright.

VOICEOVER: [00:45:43] The Queens are Tabulating.

TREY: [00:45:45] All right. You ready?

CHELSEY: [00:45:46] I need to make one again. Cause I'm going to do a halfy,

TREY: [00:45:50] oh my God.

CHELSEY: [00:45:51] Okay. I'm ready.