Updated: Sep 17, 2021
Transcript of Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald Episode 9 "Ross Dress for Less / Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament" for the differently abled and those who prefer to read.
Review That Review with Chelsey Donn and Trey Gerrald
THEME SONG: [00:00:00] Everybody's got an opinion.
Every Californian and Virginian.
It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.
Someone's gotta settle the score.
Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!
Whose views win, which ones lose.
Online haters are comin' for you!
Baby, it's time to Review That Review!
TREY: [00:00:30] Hello!
CHELSEY: [00:00:31] Hello, welcome to Review That Review. the, um, intro song is always my warm-up like, you know, when you go to the gym and they have like, or you're going to like a workout class and they have the initial song where you're just like getting things started. That's what our themes dog does for me.
I hope, I hope it energizes the audience.
TREY: [00:00:49] I wonder if the audience steps that, cause they're just so eager to get to us or if, Natalie's vocals to Joe Kinosian's tunes are actually what they're coming for each week.
CHELSEY: [00:00:58] I mean, I will say it was at a friend's house last night and she was singing our theme song. It was like very trippy. She like
TREY: [00:01:05] Wait really?
CHELSEY: [00:01:06] I swear! She couldn't stop singing the theme song. And I was like, oh my God, it gets stuck in other people's heads besides mine. So maybe we should apologize to Rice-A-Roni.
TREY: [00:01:16] No, that's not happening, but I do think like we are so lucky because yes, we're just so lucky.
CHELSEY: [00:01:23] Should we say what we are, what we
TREY: [00:01:24] Oh yeah.
CHELSEY: [00:01:25] I mean, if you, if you're listening this far, maybe you already know, but just in case,
TREY: [00:01:30] We do though have, written transcriptions of each episode for listeners that are hard of hearing or the prefer to consume podcasts via reading. So let's just say it for the fun of event. Do you want to wait? Do you want to say it together? I want to see how it
CHELSEY: [00:01:46] I think it will go badly, but we can try.
TREY: [00:01:49] Okay. Ready?
CHELSEY: [00:01:50] Sure.
TREY: [00:01:51] 1, 2, 3,
to review that rear view the
CHELSEY: [00:01:59] podcast static.
TREY: [00:02:01] ...You're trying to be bad.
CHELSEY: [00:02:02] I am not! I'm trying to be good!
TREY: [00:02:05] Oh... Welcome to Review That Review, the podcast dedicated to reviewing.
CHELSEY: [00:02:10] ...reviews! We're just like Siskel and Ebert only instead of reviewing cinematic, masterpieces, we rate and review those hilarious scathing and sometimes suspicious online reviews.
TREY: [00:02:22] That's Chelsey Donn.
CHELSEY: [00:02:24] Yeah. And that's Trey Gerrald.
TREY: [00:02:26] and together. We're
VOICEOVER: [00:02:27] The Review Queens!
TREY: [00:02:31] Okay. How's your crown today? Chels ,You RQ, You!
CHELSEY: [00:02:35] Aw that RQ. I like that. Yeah. You RQ you. Um, my crown is great. It's virtual today, so it's quite light, which I appreciate. I feel very good. , how have you been how's your week been? Trey.
TREY: [00:02:48] I'm good. My crown's also virtual. Other side. I'm good. I'm good. It was a little rainy today, which was a little unexpected I'm. So in this habit now of going on a daily walk sometimes two, with the two dogs and, you know, it's a process of getting the two dogs in their harnesses and then. I have this tandem leash.
So it's like the two dogs. And so it's, it is an event. It's not a bad thing, but it's an event. And then we get outside and then David wanted to join and our nephew Denver's staying. So then he was going to come and then it was, then we literally walked, this is not even an exaggeration. We walked maybe five steps and it started like, it was like, oh, I think it's spitting.
And then it was like,
CHELSEY: [00:03:29] Oh, no.
TREY: [00:03:30] it was crazy. So we ran back.
CHELSEY: [00:03:32] Did you get caught or would you even, were you able to get home?
TREY: [00:03:35] No. We were like so close to the garage. Like we were still in the driveway that it was sort of like, well, just go and stand in the garage. But then it did sort of stop a little bit. And David walked around with an umbrella and I just sort of took the rain.
It was fine. How about you?
CHELSEY: [00:03:49] I'm good. I have this random pain sometimes in my, I know it's weird in my pointer finger on my left hand, third, any doctors listening have any advice for me do let me know, but I get this weird pain. And so I had this like throbbing pain and this finger all night, so I didn't get the best night's sleep last night, but I did have Pilates before this and we did some like neck work and that kind of made it a little bit better.
TREY: [00:04:18] That is so wild. The body is so weird how everything is connected.
CHELSEY: [00:04:22] Yeah, it's bizarre. But Jenny, Watch That Rock Pilates, I mean, she knows what she's doing, so thank God for her because I mean, this pain is no joke.
TREY: [00:04:31] She said you got a problem in your finger. Let's move that neck.
CHELSEY: [00:04:34] Let's move that neck.
TREY: [00:04:37] Well, besides the, um, pain in your finger, is there any complaint you want a lodge?
VOICEOVER: [00:04:42] Lodge a Complaint.
CHELSEY: [00:04:43] Yes. I would like to lodge a complaint against cell phones. Like, you know, when you have full bars, like you look at your phone, you're like, I got full bars and yet you can't look anything up and like your phone's all choppy. And then you're like, I have full bars and then your friends, like I also have full bars.
do the bars even mean anything anymore? It's really annoying.
TREY: [00:05:06] Does the friend have the same,
CHELSEY: [00:05:08] No different service provider, you know, does this happen to you?
TREY: [00:05:12] It's odd that you're saying that because I do find that I will frequently switch my, I will not my iPad. When I purchased my iPad, this is a tangent. I was duped into getting it a cell plan, which I didn't comprehend what was happening. And then I did, when I got my bill and I was like, what the fuck?
And then I called and was like, wait, what happened? And they're like, yeah, that's correct. And I was like, oh, but I can, I have it without that. And they're like, that's the plan you chose? And I was like, so I just felt stupid. And I hung up and then like later I was like, I have to cancel this! Tangent. Okay.
Um, yes, I do have to flip my cell phone a lot back from like I T turn the wifi off and then I turn the wifi back on. I'll put on airplane, not airplane
CHELSEY: [00:05:55] Same.
TREY: [00:05:56] and some how that will trigger better service. But I have to like do that for a couple of seconds. It's very weird.
CHELSEY: [00:06:03] it is very weird. It doesn't really make any sense to me. I don't know what the bars are supposed to mean. Like I thought I could trust the bars, you know, like right now I have two bars and I live in the Hills and we really bad service here. So that feels accurate to me. And that's okay.
Like, I'm cool. If you want to let me know that I don't always have full service, but don't lie to me. It's hurtful.
TREY: [00:06:24] I hear that so hard. What's the first visual. When you hear the word B A R S.
CHELSEY: [00:06:30] Jail.
TREY: [00:06:31] Oh, see, I think of like a candy bar,
CHELSEY: [00:06:33] Oh God. What does that say about us?
TREY: [00:06:36] but I also, like when you were saying bars, I then thought about like a bar,
CHELSEY: [00:06:40] Oh, or bar. Wow. I think that, I felt maybe I felt bars like jail bars, because I feel imprisoned by, you know, these wireless companies and the fact that I'm stuck with them and they're lying to me.
TREY: [00:06:55] You know, David has Verizon and I still have AT&T.
CHELSEY: [00:06:59] Yes.
TREY: [00:07:00] And that is a very interesting dynamic for a spouse to have a different wireless company, because we often, Verizon tends to always have better service than AT&T anywhere we go. But the good thing about that is that if one of us doesn't have service, odds are the other one will.
And that's really fantastic.
CHELSEY: [00:07:17] That is nice. I think that's helpful. I actually think it's helpful to have an inter wireless or inter network relationship.
TREY: [00:07:25] Yeah.
That's like, that's the key to marriage.
CHELSEY: [00:07:29] is the key. I mean, weirdly enough, you would be great here AT&T service at my house is excellent. Verizon is no good. So maybe we should just do a swap.
TREY: [00:07:37] Okay. That, that's fine with
CHELSEY: [00:07:39] Seems like a realistic solution. Anyway, what is your complaint? Do you have a complaint to lodge?
TREY: [00:07:45] Yeah. I have a couple of complaints to lodge. the one that's the most pressing I'm choosing to not do because it's so basic. And it's been covered a lot. The roof of my mouth was burned today by a Hot Pocket, but I'm not going to go into that. Cause it's just, everyone knows. And it's like, enough.
CHELSEY: [00:08:00] I think we should go into it, but sure.
TREY: [00:08:02] Well, I just feel like it's like such an
CHELSEY: [00:08:03] this is your cathartic moment. So pick, pick the complaint you want to lodge.
TREY: [00:08:08] I want to lodge a complaint against taking group photos.
CHELSEY: [00:08:13] mmm, Okay.
TREY: [00:08:15] Okay. Now this is something that really gets me. And I know that I am married to a professional photographer, so I need to just choose my bliss and get over it.
CHELSEY: [00:08:25] Yeah,
TREY: [00:08:26] it's something that has come up a lot in our relationship because my husband, you know, pre pandemic. Wanted to take a picture underneath every Broadway marquee. Like anytime we saw a show and we were very fortunate that that's like an activity that we really consume a lot. So we would go to a lot of Broadway shows and I am a person that I perpetually feel like I'm running late. And so I'm always in a rush. And then I want to like go in and I want to like sit down. I want to read the Playbill, anyway, that has come up a lot. But when we're in group settings, And it's like, let's commemorate this moment by taking a photograph. Everyone gets together. Well, we're not in like in a photo development phase anymore. everyone has a smartphone, everyone's having a side conversation. No one is ready to stand together and then take a picture. And then some Aunt is always going to have her eyes closed. Some family member that suddenly has disappeared and they've gone to the bathroom and everyone's like, wait, where are we? Can't say, oh, we got away. Everyone weighed everyone. And that's like, let's get the waiter over here to take a picture. And then it's like, the waiter has 17 tables and they don't want to take your stupid picture. And it's like, or you get somebody. Like doesn't know how to use the phone. And then it's like, oh no, this is an Android. I don't have an Android. then it's like, oh yeah, this is an Android. Now you have to do this. Oh wait, can you do a flash? It's like, I don't know how to work the phone. And then you have to like go over and do stuff. And then everyone's like, oh wait, are my eyes closed? Oh, I don't like my, everyone has to look at the picture...
CHELSEY: [00:09:43] ...a week later.
TREY: [00:09:44] And then we haven't even gotten to the Jewish goodbyes yet. It's like, then, it's 25 minutes before we complete taking this photograph. And then someone's not happy with the picture a group.
CHELSEY: [00:09:54] Always!
TREY: [00:09:55] just really...
CHELSEY: [00:09:56] ...you don't end up using the photo,
TREY: [00:09:58] well, no one uses the photos anyway. It's like, they just like sit Marie Kondo, digital clutter. Like no one is seeing these pictures.
CHELSEY: [00:10:06] Yeah.
TREY: [00:10:07] But I do recognize that it is really nice to go back and see images from a long time ago. And I recognize the value. It just it's like back in the days you took a picture, it went to the photo lab. You waited a week. They developed it. One hour photo. Oh my God. One hour photo. and then you would get whatever the picture was...was!
CHELSEY: [00:10:29] Yeah.
TREY: [00:10:30] But now we're also in this whole digital age of face tuning and beauty app and making everyone look pretty. And so no one thinks they look pretty because we're not used to seeing actual humans anymore. We're seeing like fake, blurred out skin people. Oh, it's just a vicious circle.
CHELSEY: [00:10:45] Yeah. I feel you, I think it's so funny actually to me that you brought this up because I went out to a late birthday dinner. I was like very stressed because I was running late and then they got there and this woman was like, would you mind taking a picture of me and my whole family? And I just, you know, she's like, you look like, you know how to take a good picture.
And I'm like, well, that's an accurate assumption. So I felt like, yeah, let me help him out. And
TREY: [00:11:11] that is the danger right there,
CHELSEY: [00:11:13] 20 later,
TREY: [00:11:14] that, but her saying, oh, you're going to be good at this. It's already like, you're going to be too much work for me. Sorry. I interrupted you, keep going.
CHELSEY: [00:11:20] I Know it was so much work and there were kids in the photos that they weren't looking. And it's just funny to me that you brought that up because that literally just happened to me so... accurate.
TREY: [00:11:30] And then also, I just, I do recognize that like family matters and like we want documentation because it feels good.
CHELSEY: [00:11:37] That was why I stepped up, even though I was late. Cause I was like, yes, I am good at taking these photos. And like, I can imagine you might get a terrible photo. So like allow me to give you this experience. But it did go on a little bit longer than I had anticipated.
TREY: [00:11:52] I'm amazed that we had just talked about photos for so long. I mean, it actually, this is really becoming an enjoyable segment for me because these common annoyances.
CHELSEY: [00:12:02] Yeah.
TREY: [00:12:03] Are pretty universal. And so like, there is something freeing about like sharing it and then there's commiserating about it. And then it's like, well, whatever, you know,
CHELSEY: [00:12:11] Yeah. Oh, it's great. Sometimes you need to kvetch and with that in mind,
TREY: [00:12:16] sorry. I just, I just. No I just, got, um,
CHELSEY: [00:12:22] the lozenge.
TREY: [00:12:22] Chelsey sent me a care package, black currant sugar-free Grether's Pastilles.
CHELSEY: [00:12:31] Yeah, "Pastilles". I don't know. It's French. I think
TREY: [00:12:35] I remember my voice teacher in college always had these,
CHELSEY: [00:12:38] Yeah, they're so good.
TREY: [00:12:40] so I was popping one in my mouth because I wanted it to be able to like, say, thank you for the gift. And then you were like, teeing me up so beautifully. wow. 18 minutes in and
CHELSEY: [00:12:49] Well,
TREY: [00:12:49] in and here we are. Okay.
CHELSEY: [00:12:50] I would be remiss. Um, not right before we started to just point out to the audience who can't see what I can see. That Trey is like serving us sexy. Where's Waldo today.
TREY: [00:13:02] This is from our photoshoot.
CHELSEY: [00:13:04] I know, but it's like in just the red and white Stripe, I dunno, you're serving me Waldo
TREY: [00:13:10] Thank you. Thank you.
I could wear my glasses.
CHELSEY: [00:13:12] I just, yeah, if you had the glasses, you would be, oh my God. Yes. Like Trey, you know, like when you go on the internet and you see those Halloween costumes that are adapted to be all hipstery, like Trey looks like a hipster. Adorable, Where's Waldo.
TREY: [00:13:29] I went as a Where's Waldo before
CHELSEY: [00:13:31] Did you wear that shirt?
TREY: [00:13:32] I wore like the actual, like expensive Where's Waldo costume shirt.
CHELSEY: [00:13:37] well, there you go. Anyway,
TREY: [00:13:38] It came with a beanie. That was really cute. I don't know where that went. Okay. Anyway, whatever.
CHELSEY: [00:13:41] anyway, but you have a crown instead All right. That was a tangent. Let's get into.
VOICEOVER: [00:13:46] Assess that Kvetch
CHELSEY: [00:13:49] All right, who's going first. So I think you're going first today. Did I go first, last time?
TREY: [00:13:54] It is I, the gay Review Queen.
CHELSEY: [00:13:56] Oh my goodness. I'm so excited. Hit it, Sistah.
VOICEOVER: [00:14:03] Review That Review.
TREY: [00:14:07] Okay. my review today is a one dot review from TripAdvisor. This is on a list. It is number 102 of 318 things to do in Honolulu. And it is from Lisa and the review subject is shopping at Ross Dress for Less in Glen Alen, Virginia. So it has nothing to do with Honolulu.
CHELSEY: [00:14:37] What? I'm so confused. So, wait, hold on this, you found this on a list,
TREY: [00:14:44] ...of things to do in Honolulu,
CHELSEY: [00:14:46] but what we actually discovered was a review for the Ross in
TREY: [00:14:51] Virginia
CHELSEY: [00:14:52] Virginia.
TREY: [00:14:52] Because Lisa wrote the review
CHELSEY: [00:14:55] under this
TREY: [00:14:56] the Honolulu Ross Dress for Less.
CHELSEY: [00:14:58] Oy Lisa. Okay. Already, already starting off on an interesting foot. All right. Let's hear from Lisa.
TREY: [00:15:06] Okay. I experienced a first this evening. While traveling, we stopped at Ross Dress for Less in Glen Alen, Virginia. I had found an item of clothing in another Ross store in another city, but needed a larger size. So stopped when I found this Ross. It was 7:30 PM and the store didn't close until 10:00 PM. As I shopped, I was pleased to find what I was seeking as well as several other items and wanted to try them on. Here's the shocker! I was told all dressing rooms are closed after 7:30, so I couldn't try them on. Are you kidding me? A clothing store that doesn't allow you to try them on before purchase.
If you're perhaps having security issues, hire a security guard. If you can't do that, then you should close the store the minute you close the dressing rooms. I had several items I chose not to purchase when I found this out. I even quite shopping altogether. I proceeded to the checkout with only the item I had found in the larger size from trying it on at another Ross in another city, the register was being run by the person I was told was the manager.
There was one woman with two small children in front of me. I waited for her to decide what she was purchasing and deliberate for several minutes over whether or not she wanted to spend more and also get a toy her kids were begging her for. At this point, I was becoming rather agitated since we had a long drive still ahead of us.
The manager couldn't get the woman's card to run through and kept apologizing. After at least 10 more minutes, she announced she would have to void the entire purchase and ring everything up again. She apologized to me for having to wait. At which time I expressed my concerns and shock at their policy.
She told me she had expressed comments to the manager. But he wouldn't let her keep the dressing rooms open later. I stated that he then needed to be on site dealing with angry customers. Furthermore, I informed her, I was told she was the manager, a comment to which she reluctantly admitted, appearing stunned that I caught her and called her out on it.
After waiting several more minutes for the transaction, still to be completed for the customer in front of me, I politely asked if I could leave my item there and I walked out. This store lost ALL of my business this evening, and I can assure you, I will NEVER stop here again. When next I travel this way.
Furthermore, everyone I know will hear this story. In my opinion, there are enough Ross's in the Richmond, Virginia, that if you can't provide appropriate customer service PERMANENTLY SHUT THE STORE DOWN COMPLETELY. I've never been so appalled in my life. And I've shopped at many, a Ross store and many states as I've traveled. Very disappointed and amazed this store is allowed to operate this way.
CHELSEY: [00:18:43] Wow. Oh my God. Lisa, Lisa, like, I feel like I need like a fire extinguisher or something to put her out. She was really fired up there.
TREY: [00:18:55] I have a lot of thoughts here. There are a bunch of like, very like random misspellings. everyone will hear about this. It's spelled H E R E. there's a bunch of I'S that are not capitalized. Also. I do recognize the validity of complaining what's the point in shopping for clothes, if you can't try them on.
But I will say that everyone knows that Ross and TJ, max, all these stores, they have so much, like tchotchkies stuff. All the stuff in the line going to check out is like gadgets and gizmos. A plenty. So you don't have try them on anyway. Okay. I've talked a lot. Tell me what you're thinking. Chels.
CHELSEY: [00:19:33] So many thoughts. Like, first of all, I feel like I need to put aside that she reviewed this under the wrong category. Cause that's gonna distract me now. But I do have a question, like when I put this on this list of Honolulu things, does it then cue in into the Ross in Virginia's like lists of reviews, it does not?
TREY: [00:19:52] No, this was Honolulu location.
CHELSEY: [00:19:55] okay, well then therefore this route review is like completely useless. Would this impact my ability to, or my willingness to shop at this Ross, et cetera. Like, I feel like I can't even bring that into play, However I have thoughts. All right. where are we traveling to?
It was like, while traveling, like, so like, are we traveling to Honolulu? Maybe? I don't think we can drive there.
TREY: [00:20:16] I have no idea.
CHELSEY: [00:20:17] But we're clearly traveling. What I was shocked. That was when she, first of all, she informed us later that she's an avid Ross shopper, but when she first starts talking, she's like, oh, and then we were going to go to another Ross to get a larger size of the same item.
I was thinking that's a gamble, honey, because aren't the Ross, they operate kind of independently. So it's like what you find at one Ross. You're not going to necessarily find it in another.
TREY: [00:20:44] Yeah. When I read that at the beginning, I was like, oh my God, that's a magic trick. That same thing was there.
CHELSEY: [00:20:49] Yeah. How do you feel about the dressing room? Closing at 7:30 as a policy?
TREY: [00:20:55] It does sound to me that perhaps this Ross was understaffed. If the manager is running the register. There's no reason to shut it down, right?
CHELSEY: [00:21:04] I mean, the only thing that I was thinking that they close at eight.
TREY: [00:21:08] 10
CHELSEY: [00:21:09] Oh, they close at 10.
TREY: [00:21:11] yup.
CHELSEY: [00:21:11] then ridiculous. Okay. That's crazy.
TREY: [00:21:14] Yeah. It's two and a half hours early.
CHELSEY: [00:21:16] right. So I'll give Lisa that, like, that's an insane policy in my mind. I was like, okay, well, if they close at eight, maybe it's just that, like, if we let people into the fitting room at 7:30 and then they're like in there a really long time and trying on different things, and it's like, maybe you have somebody in the fitting room until nine o'clock and you're like, we closed an hour ago, you know?
So I was sort of giving them a little bit of the benefit of the doubt, but if it was truly 7:30, 10:00 PM, that's ridiculous. Did she say that this made her quit shopping altogether? Was that like a declarative statement? Like I'm I no longer shopper that just made her quit shopping at the Ross?
TREY: [00:21:52] Well, she says that she'll never shop here again when next I travel this way.
CHELSEY: [00:21:57] No, but before that, earlier in there she said something like, I think she said I quite shopping altogether, but I think she meant I quit shopping altogether.
TREY: [00:22:07] Yes, that's right. Lisa realized they could no longer...
CHELSEY: [00:22:10] They couldn't try things on. So she was just like, I'm not going to buy anything, cause at first I was like, are you being dramatic? Like, and I'd quit shopping altogether. I mean, she knew so many details about this other woman that was checking out. First of all, it sounds like that other woman was in the middle of a nightmare. And Lisa had like, no empathy for what was happening right. With that woman. Like the card reader wasn't working.
TREY: [00:22:33] She's dealing with the kids that that want a
CHELSEY: [00:22:35] had children. Yeah. That are like screaming and like, I want this mommy, you know, and that's like a nightmare. Like, it sounds like that woman was having a nightmare as well, but there was just so much anger.
TREY: [00:22:46] What do you think about engaging with the cashier while you're behind the person that's actually being checked out at that moment?
CHELSEY: [00:22:54] I mean, that's a pet peeve like that. Like, listen, like, I don't know, like Lisa is obviously making it sound like she was there for like hours and she's in the middle of the road trip. And there are like her family's like waiting outside for her. So she's very anxious clearly to get out of here. I don't know, like, it just seems I got so many Karen vibes. Like we need to get that managers down cue because like, I just wanted to push that down to you every time you said manager, like she said manager like three or four times and I disliked that she was painting the picture. Like she, she was doing everything perfectly and everybody else was doing everything terribly wrong. Like even when she left, she was like, I politely asked if I could leave the item. Here. Like, she really wanted us to know that she wasn't going out in a huff, like throwing the thing on the floor. Like she was like, I politely gently graced my item on top of the, you know what I mean? Like as if she's just the most delicate person ever. I don't know, it's a little bit of like a low. Blow thing to be like, and I'm going to let everyone that I know, know that they should never shop here ever. You know, like it's just, it feels, it does feel very Kareny. Was she attacking Ross or was she just attacking this store? Like, was she saying that Ross, the store should go out of business or just this location?
TREY: [00:24:17] Just that one because permanently shut this store down completely is in all caps.
CHELSEY: [00:24:22] Okay. Okay. Okay.
TREY: [00:24:23] Yeah. I am curious how Lisa ended up at this Honolulu location, leaving a review for a location in Virginia. That's so perplexing to me. And Lisa has contributed 13 other reviews to TripAdvisor.
CHELSEY: [00:24:37] Did she filter those appropriately?
TREY: [00:24:39] I did not go on a scavenger but that would be fun. Actually. There were some spelling, grammar issues. Like I was saying, there were sort of sprinkled in here and there it's that thing that we come across where it seems like they were in a fit of rage and just like had no time to think if they were saying hear or here.
CHELSEY: [00:24:56] Right.
TREY: [00:24:58] But I think it's odd that they are closing the dressing room two hours early, but that's sort of buried because your point about the mom, like Lisa is so wrapped up and the drama happening to them they feel as though this mother who's trying to please the child, but not spend too much money. And then the drama of the checkout person not being able to get the card to run. Lisa feels like it's happening to her or to them and not taking into account that like.
CHELSEY: [00:25:33] This other woman also couldn't go into the fitting room and then other woman.
TREY: [00:25:36] Well, this woman is trying to check out and the card reader is not working and the children crying because they want things. And now you're interjecting about being upset about, you're saying you're not the manager, but I know you're the manager and the mom is just trying to leave because she's got to go to Burger King to feed her I'm imagining. So that makes me feel a little, like a little like, uh, if we're off on a tangent at this point, like, is it about the dressing room being closed or is it
CHELSEY: [00:26:04] about, you're just like pissed that like life is handing you lemons
TREY: [00:26:08] also its so interesting to me to stop in the middle of a road trip to like go shopping, but Lisa needed to do that, I guess.
CHELSEY: [00:26:15] Yeah, same.
I mean, I will say in terms of entertainment value, I don't know if it was just that, like, you did such a good job with your reading, but I like laugh when she wrote here's the shocker, you know, like it was like, you know, I dunno, I thought that was funny.
TREY: [00:26:31] I feel like I have could crown this.
CHELSEY: [00:26:32] I can crown it. I'm ready.
TREY: [00:26:34] All right.
VOICEOVER: [00:26:36] The Queens are Tabulating.
TREY: [00:26:38] So as you know, Chelsey and I each have our own set of one to five crown cards and in an effort to not be influenced by one another, we are going to reveal them simultaneously so that we aren't influenced by one another. You ready?
CHELSEY: [00:26:51] I am ready.
VOICEOVER: [00:26:56] Total score!.
CHELSEY: [00:26:58] Okay. Unanimous
TREY: [00:27:00] both
CHELSEY: [00:27:00] are crown. Yeah. We're each holding up one crown. This was like the easiest crowning ever. I mean, I don't know. I gave her one crown because I felt like that was ridiculous that they closed at 7:30, but like, I couldn't give her any other crowns because this, this review's essentially useless.
TREY: [00:27:16] Well, that's why I did one crown. Cause I wanted to do half a crown on its own, but I did think it was entertaining that it was under the wrong store. But then, like you said, it is obnoxious. They closed the dresser room two and a half hours before close when this is a clothing store. Um, so that's just like insane. There's no impact. I do think it's funny. So that's why I did one crown.
CHELSEY: [00:27:38] Yes.
TREY: [00:27:40] All right. So we did it Lisa, thank you so much,
CHELSEY: [00:27:43] Thanks Lisa, for putting this out into the wrong list.
TREY: [00:27:48] and I hope you have a great time. Frequenting. The Richmond, Virginia Ross's that are so much better.
CHELSEY: [00:27:53] Yes, please go to those because this one sounds terrible. All right, let's take a quick break. And when we come back, we'll see how Meryl's tan looks before getting into my review.
TREY: [00:28:03] Oh, I love that. Gosh, I'm so jealous. She was on the Caribbean.
CHELSEY: [00:28:06] I know she needs a vacay,
TREY: [00:28:08] BRB
CHELSEY: [00:28:09] Bye!
VOICEOVER: [00:28:12] Hold your crown. We'll be right back.
CHELSEY: [00:28:23] Hey Queens. We know it can get so annoying to constantly be asked to rate and review. We get it, obviously our show is all about reviews. But we're asking because it's important to us to know what you're thinking of the show. What do you love? What do you want less of? Let us know. We've made it super easy with this cute little link. lovethepodcast.com/thereviewqueens. It's one click away in the show description below. Who knows?! Maybe yours will be selected as a Royal Review and an upcoming episode. Thanks in advance. And now back to the show.
TREY: [00:29:16] It's game time again, Meryl's back. And we're going to take a quick spin on the Meryl-Go-Round. Chelsey. You better hop on that dolphin.
CHELSEY: [00:29:24] Oh, I love dolphins. Good call. That's great.
TREY: [00:29:29] Isn't that what they make?
CHELSEY: [00:29:30] Yeah. I mean, they also communicate, I think, in another level.
TREY: [00:29:34] Blowhole. What am I on?
CHELSEY: [00:29:36] oh God, I think, I don't know why I see you on like a duck. I just think like Waldo on a duck, like flying duck
TREY: [00:29:44] ducks are so cute. We used to go on nature walks and elementary school, and we would feed ducks bread. And one time I got swarmed by a bunch of ducks and I threw the bag and I started crying.
CHELSEY: [00:29:55] Oh, no, it can be overwhelming if they all attack at once.
TREY: [00:29:59] It's like can be so scary.
VOICEOVER: [00:30:02] I don't feel like an icon most of the days, I feel like, "I can't: that's with an a.
CHELSEY: [00:30:11] With an a all right. Here's the deal, Trey and I each read a rotten scathing pithy one-star zinger with 30 seconds on the clock, we will try to recite the zinger and as many genres as possible.
TREY: [00:30:24] Just like queen Meryl, who does it all.
CHELSEY: [00:30:27] Before the clock runs out. Okay. So my review is from Wal-Mart and it is reviewing a bamboo wooden backscratcher that can also be a shoe horn.
And it's a once obviously, and it says, made very cheap and paper thin.
TREY: [00:30:47] That's really thin. I just have to say,
CHELSEY: [00:30:48] Yeah. Paper thin is that's thin.
TREY: [00:30:51] okay, you strapped in you're ready.
CHELSEY: [00:30:52] Oh, I'll get my seatbelt on. Yeah, here we go. I'm ready.
RTR 9 VOICEOVER: [00:30:56] 3, 2, 1 go
CHELSEY: [00:31:00] Very cheap pen paper thin.
TREY: [00:31:04] WWE. Magic show.
CHELSEY: [00:31:12] made cheap hen. Well
TREY: [00:31:22] Courtroom drama,
CHELSEY: [00:31:24] cheap paper.
TREY: [00:31:27] horror.
CHELSEY: [00:31:29] Okay. That's all
TREY: [00:31:32] Good job. I have 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,
CHELSEY: [00:31:36] That was a lot of pressure,
TREY: [00:31:38] hey, guess what? None of this matters.
CHELSEY: [00:31:41] It's true. It's just for fun.
TREY: [00:31:44] today I have a one star zinger from the very cool website called Fiverr
CHELSEY: [00:31:51] We've used them a few times.
TREY: [00:31:53] We've used them. Uh, we, we hired three separate people for our logo and none of them were up to snuff.
CHELSEY: [00:31:59] They were very nice people.
TREY: [00:32:01] So this is for a skill called I will write impressive personal statements and application letters.
And this is a one-star review from Mimi B 75. And Mimi B 75 says seller is horrible.
CHELSEY: [00:32:16] okay. Mimi didn't have that much say, but whatever.
TREY: [00:32:21] Good point.
CHELSEY: [00:32:22] Are you ready?
TREY: [00:32:23] I'm quacking and I'm ready.
CHELSEY: [00:32:26] All right.
RTR 9 VOICEOVER: [00:32:28] 3, 2, 1 go.
TREY: [00:32:32] Sailor is horrible.
CHELSEY: [00:32:35] mom, calm,
TREY: [00:32:37] That a seller he's horrible.
CHELSEY: [00:32:40] melodrama,
TREY: [00:32:42] That's his.
CHELSEY: [00:32:45] courtroom drama,
TREY: [00:32:48] That seller is horrible.
CHELSEY: [00:32:50] TLC.
TREY: [00:32:53] Oh, that seller is horrible. Duck dynasty.
CHELSEY: [00:32:57] magic.
TREY: [00:32:59] Ooh. That's Heller's horrible. I made a sound effect.
CHELSEY: [00:33:04] Did I call TLC twice,
TREY: [00:33:06] Yeah, it was fun.
CHELSEY: [00:33:08] which is fine.
TREY: [00:33:09] Woo. Oh my gosh.
CHELSEY: [00:33:11] Wow. Trey. That six. You did amazing. You won. You're our big winner
TREY: [00:33:19] I'm curtsying. Cause I'm a queen.
CHELSEY: [00:33:22] got TLC twice and you've delivered two different readings.
TREY: [00:33:26] Well, I was channeling Teen Mom 2. And then I was channeling duck dynasty.
CHELSEY: [00:33:30] I thought teen mom 2, was like
TREY: [00:33:32] Oh you're oh no.
CHELSEY: [00:33:34] Should I take away a point? I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. You were great. You were great.
TREY: [00:33:37] Thank you.
VOICEOVER: [00:33:40] Review That Review.
CHELSEY: [00:33:44] Alrighty. We are back from that rousing game break and it's my turn. Okay.
TREY: [00:33:50] Yay.
CHELSEY: [00:33:50] Mine is A one-star Google review written by, all we're getting here is the initial, K. It is a one-star review of the Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament in Buena Park, California. All right. Are we ready?
TREY: [00:34:10] I'm ready.
CHELSEY: [00:34:12] Firstly, I want to say I am a woman. I was so disappointed in Medieval Times when I just recently went. First off, they replaced the spare rib with corn. And the apple cake is now lemon pound cake. Disgusting. What a let down. And I don't mind that they have a queen, but it's so obviously a politically correct hashtag me too movement I will not be going again until the show changes. Where is the Black Knight? Yeah. Where is the executioner and the wizard? The bad Knight is simply a bad Knight because he makes some comments against women. And then all the people who were assigned that Knight have to awkwardly not cheer now because their Knight..
If the realm is suddenly an evil misogynist. Now bring back the black Knight. This new show is not entertaining at all and is just a ploy at gender equality. To which point it's no longer interesting or good. What a disappointment all around. This is supposed to be mid evil times, not modern social justice warrior times.
TREY: [00:35:42] Oh, dear.
CHELSEY: [00:35:44] Ugh, I have to point out there were so many grammatical errors in that, half the time I didn't even know what I was reading, but I feel like we just need to point that out for the listener. That was
TREY: [00:35:53] What year was that written?
CHELSEY: [00:35:55] This was written two years ago.
TREY: [00:35:58] Okay. So interesting choice Chelsey, because there is a Medieval Times in Myrtle Beach and I went to school and college in Myrtle beach and a very good friend, actually, multiple friends of mine worked there.
CHELSEY: [00:36:11] Okay.
TREY: [00:36:12] To my recollection. I thought it was a princess, not a queen.
You know, this is like more than 15 years ago when I was in college.
Is that true? Oh my God.
CHELSEY: [00:36:23] Don't say such things
TREY: [00:36:25] But I knew, like I know the girl who was the princess and she's younger than I am. So I don't know what that's about. I think I did go on a school trip as a kid and I, my memory is that it was a king. So I think, I think the royalty changes, like, I think that is in flux regardless. I don't know.
I cannot speak for Medieval Times, but it is hilarious to me that they replaced a spare rib with corn.
CHELSEY: [00:36:48] I know. I know.
TREY: [00:36:50] How are those equivalent, like in the same tier?
CHELSEY: [00:36:53] That was like what? I started to get excited about this review. Cause I was like, oh my God, this is going to be hilarious. But like, I mean, she kind of lost it after that. Yeah. They also replaced the apple cake with lemon pound cake. But like my biggest question is how many times did K go to Medieval Times?
TREY: [00:37:10] Hm.
CHELSEY: [00:37:11] Because it seems like K must frequent this place. She knows the menu, like the back of her hand enough that she's like very disappointed that it's not... you know, it's like somebody who does something over and over and over and over and over again. And it's the same way every time. And you just come to expect that thing.
And then you come one time and things are different and you're just like, whoa, what happened to this thing that I've come to rely on? And K must just go to this Medieval Times all the time, which is so funny to me. I went once. I think of Medieval Times as being like a bucket list item, like you check it off I've been there once. I don't need to go back, but K must go there all the time.
TREY: [00:37:51] I'm confused about the whole black Knight thing. They, they, there's no longer. I, my memory was like, everyone sits in a certain section and you're that color of the Knight that the horse is wearing. And there was like a black Knight. That was the villain. Is K suggesting they change that for like racial equality
CHELSEY: [00:38:11] I think what Katie's saying is.
TREY: [00:38:13] or is K mostly mad about gender equality?
CHELSEY: [00:38:16] I dunno, like it is, I'll give you, it is confusing because it feels like there's two things going on. First. I thought it was that she was upset that they like replaced the black Knight with the queen. Right. Because it's like, we need to have more female characters,
TREY: [00:38:31] Oh, like there's a female on the horse. Oh, that would be so fierce.
CHELSEY: [00:38:36] Right! So I guess so that's what I was thinking. Is that like, oh, it's going to be like, this character is going to be a queen now, instead of being
TREY: [00:38:46] But why would the queen be riding? Wouldn't it be like a peasant or something? Like
CHELSEY: [00:38:50] I don't know, like I don't, I don't, I don't know the narrative of, of the Medieval Times show well enough to dissect that part of it.
TREY: [00:38:58] You can't be the dramaturg for Medieval Times.
CHELSEY: [00:39:00] Unfortunately, I'm not equipped to be the dramaturg for Medieval Times as much as I would love to be. She also mentioned basically the black Knight is cut
TREY: [00:39:10] Okay. I literally just went to the website and the first image is the black Knight fighting a green Knight.
CHELSEY: [00:39:16] Okay. So I don't know, but in this production, maybe the part of the black Knight was being played by the queen. Like, I don't know. That was what I thought.
TREY: [00:39:24] Wait, I see they it's it's now checkered. So it's the black and white Knight. The green Knight, the yellow Knight, the red Knight, the red and yellow Knight, the blue Knight, although the blue looks purple, but whenever okay, clashing their way to Queen's champion. Okay. There's no images of a female. This was in California?
CHELSEY: [00:39:46] Yeah, this was in Bueno Park, California, but there's a couple of things. So I don't mind that they have a queen, but it's so obviously a politically correct me too movement now that I will not be going. Yeah. Like I don't understand what they mean. Like, so they added a queen, but then the where's the black Knights and the black night's gone, executioner is gone and the wizard is gone.
TREY: [00:40:06] Oh, there was like a wizard person.
CHELSEY: [00:40:09] Yeah. So they're saying basically they, they did a rewrite of this Medieval Time show and K is really upset about that rewrite. She did not like it one bit.
TREY: [00:40:19] I'm curious. I wonder how many rewrites have happened in history prior to this? Like, I wonder how long Medieval Times has been around and how frequently they switch up the script. You know, I, I just want to share this because it keeps coming up for me. In Myrtle Beach, right next door to Medieval Times was the Dolly Parton's Dixie Stampede and they were kind of simi... They're not similar, but it's like an arena and they serve food and they're like both times in history or whatever. And Dolly Parton famously removed the word Dixie because people were offended by it. And she has this beautiful statement. That's like, nothing is worth someone being offended. If one human being has the fleeting thought that it's offensive, I'm taking the word out. End of conversation. Good for Medieval Times trying to like show representation for little girls. If that is what's occurring here, I recognize that K can feel threatened. Well, K's a female. I recognize the K may not want to see that because maybe that isn't historically accurate for the Medieval Times.
CHELSEY: [00:41:18] That's what it is. Yes. It feels like, like, K, considers herself quite an expert of this time. And she's suggesting that regardless of whether or not it's right or wrong, that we're somehow ruining the, the diorama of, of this medieval time period. In exchange for a more like modern take on the story. But what I, I mean, listen, K didn't give me any information that's valuable here as far as I'm concerned, because she didn't say what the, what, what is the new show? Like? What's so bad about it all. Like I'm confused. I know what we took away, but I don't know what it is that we are seeing. Like, are we cheering for a queen instead of a black Knight? Like, what is it that I can come to expect?
TREY: [00:42:00] Well, you can come to expect there's no more spare rib.
CHELSEY: [00:42:03] Yeah, I can come to expect
TREY: [00:42:05] Kay was very clear
CHELSEY: [00:42:06] and lemon pound cake. Disgusting.
TREY: [00:42:09] I mean, do you think that this is a common experience? I think maybe if you're not cool with being PC, then sure. This might be common for you.
CHELSEY: [00:42:17] Maybe, but like how many people walking? Like I said, like, I think this is something you do, like once in a lifetime. So like, if you hadn't been there a million times to know that it should have been spare rib and apple cake because you just like it, wasn't not deep for you. And you were just going to see the show. You wouldn't know any different, you'd be like, Ooh, this corn is delicious past the lemon pound cake.
TREY: [00:42:38] That is the key point right there, Chelsey! is this like, what does it matter?
CHELSEY: [00:42:43] What does it matter? Like, I don't understand. Is she like dining at Medieval Times every week?
TREY: [00:42:48] I guess the value here is that K is pointing out that there are changes to, , the experience. It's no longer what it once was. But to me, I don't care. I mean, if I'm going, it's like, I'm going to bring my nephew. Like, it doesn't matter. Like it's like, so it's not necessarily a problem. I think I can crown this.
CHELSEY: [00:43:07] Okay. Let's crown it.
VOICEOVER: [00:43:10] The Queens are Tabulating.
TREY: [00:43:12] Are you ready?
CHELSEY: [00:43:13] I think so.
VOICEOVER: [00:43:19] Total Score!
TREY: [00:43:20] I like, I almost put up the five just to see your reaction.
CHELSEY: [00:43:25] Oh, no, no, no, no. Well, I almost put 0.5.
TREY: [00:43:29] Oh, no, I was going to put the five just for you to freak out. so Chelsey and I both are holding up the one crown, I'm just going to go quick. Here. It, to me, it's sort of like Medieval Times is like stupid. And like, it's just frivolous entertainment for children and you eat a Turkey leg. That's offensive to people that don't want to kill animals. So to me, who cares, it's not a deep impact to me. I gave the one crown because I'm very clear. I do think it's stupid that they changed the spare rep to corn. That's not even the same tier on a food pyramid. So for that reason, I gave it one crown. What about you?
CHELSEY: [00:44:03] Yeah, similar. I mean, at least I know what's on the menu. That's that's really like the only beneficial thing, I think, that came out of this. I don't think it would keep me from going, I don't think the normal average Joe has this experience because I don't think there's that much pretense associated with a visit to Medieval Times.
So for that reason, one crown.
TREY: [00:44:22] Great pick. Very entertaining. Like it was an entertaining conversation.
CHELSEY: [00:44:26] yes,
TREY: [00:44:26] Speaking of Queens, the Queens princesses, Kings wizards, Knights, medieval Turkey legs, corn spare rib, K. Do you have someone that you want to induct today for...?
VOICEOVER: [00:44:41] My Royal highness!
CHELSEY: [00:44:42] I would like to induct The Magic Eraser as my Royal Highness, because that thing. Really can just do it all. It can get smudges out of your wall. If you get a scratch on your car, you can fix it with the magic eraser. When I was home, we had a bunch of scratches on the bottom of like one of my mom's pans.
We use one of those magic erasers sheets. It came right out. I heard people are using magic erasers on their teeth for whitening. I do not recommend that. Do not do that. Yet people say that it works, but don't do it. Just go and have your teeth whitened like a normal person. I don't think that's the magic racers fault. It definitely was not intended to be used that way, but the point is the magic eraser. It's just exactly what it says. It is. It's magic.
TREY: [00:45:32] That magic eraser is really is
CHELSEY: [00:45:34] It's just magic. What about you? Trey, do you have someone that you want to induct as your Royal Highness?
TREY: [00:45:40] So I am inducting, a friend of mine named Charlene Lite! Charlene Lite, is someone who lives in Los Angeles, she's a neighbor of yours, Chelsey.
CHELSEY: [00:45:50] Oh, nice.
TREY: [00:45:51] And, uh, we met many, many years ago. We used to have an ongoing Thursday lunch date for honestly four or five years. I'm inducting her because Charlene is a unicorn of a human being. She is a Fearless Coach. She is someone with which you can hire to help you break through fears in your life and do the things that push the boundaries of what you think are possible in life. She took on this amazing task when she turned 40, where she did 40 fearless acts and they ranged from going to try on a wedding dress at David's Bridal, even though she was not currently in a relationship because she had hangup about what that meant for her.
She. Did another fearless act where she had to go and knock on every single door in her apartment building to meet her neighbors. Because in Manhattan, when she lived in New York, you know, you don't always know the people in your building. Oh, she like was a busker on the subway and sang, because she's a brilliant musician as well.
one of my other, uh, and this I'm just going long, but another favorite, one of mine is that she wrote little love notes, like on pieces of paper. And she just handed them out to people in, um, union