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TRANSCRIPT of Episode 137: "Sanctuary at Grand Memories Santa Maria"

Review That Review with Chelsey & Trey
Episode 137: "Sanctuary at Grand Memories Santa Maria"


*Please pardon any and all spelling errors!

[00:00:00] THEME SONG: Everybody's got an opinion.

Every Californian and Virginian.

It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.

Someone's gotta settle the score.

Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!

Whose views win, which ones lose.

Online haters are comin' for you!

Baby, it's time to Review That Review!


[00:00:30] CHELSEY DONN: Hello,

[00:00:31] TREY GERRALD: my gosh, hi and hello listeners. Welcome to Review That Review. We are the podcast that is dedicated to reviewing.

That is Chelsey Donn.

[00:00:48] CHELSEY DONN: That Trey Gerald,

[00:00:52] TREY GERRALD: But when we come together, we're no longer singular, we become.

[00:01:00] VOICEOVER: The Review Queens.

[00:01:03] TREY GERRALD: That just reminded me of, do you know that SNL sketch of like, Shweaty Balls where they're like the NPR radio 

[00:01:09] CHELSEY DONN: sweaty balls, sweaty balls,

[00:01:11] TREY GERRALD: I just felt like 

[00:01:12] CHELSEY DONN: I like 

[00:01:12] TREY GERRALD: we were becoming very,

[00:01:14] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, I,

I approve, So, another week, another complaint, Here we are again, Trey, it's your turn, I want to hear it, give it to me, What do you want to complain about this week? It's your turn too,

[00:01:29] VOICEOVER: Ledge a complaint.

[00:01:30] TREY GERRALD: Okay, well I have a complaint that's a tale as old as time. So, I want to lodge a complaint against the need for refills on prescription medication. I'm just, I'm gonna be a mess this whole episode, so just get ready. We already did, like, a fake start to this episode and we've started again, so everyone just buckle up.

I take antidepressants, but I need a large enough amount that I actually take two different, like, milligram sizes. So, in order to get to the level that I need, I have to take two different kinds. Which means, I would get, like, a 60 day prescription, once. And then I would have to keep going back to the doctor and I think we may have talked about this on the show and so I like put my brave pants on and I asked is it possible just to get a higher volume of refills so I don't have to keep coming every three months like I have no health issues going on so I'm just paying a copay to get another like set of refills right so my doctor said yes right so I had like a 90 day prescription for both of my milligrams of medication yeah you

[00:02:36] CHELSEY DONN: wow, oh

[00:02:38] TREY GERRALD: we go.

I have one that somehow, they, I had, I was able to refill longer, and then the one that's at a higher dosage, it was a 30 day prescription, and so I noticed, I was like, oh, the bottle is smaller, oh, okay, well, anyway, so I have run out of the larger one, but I have this whole plethora of the smaller one, so what I can actually do is I can take three of the smaller one to equal whatever, okay, this is a lot of math, Whatever, cut to, I realize I've run out, so I'm like, oh no, so then I have to muster up the courage to call the doctor because for some reason there's something there for me about like, having to call, whatever, so I call, they will not refill my prescription without seeing me because it's been over a year, so that's how long it's been since I went back, which I'm like, okay, great, but then I'm also like, okay, but like, this isn't like, meth, it's not like, what's the danger of giving me a refill If I get, get the appointment and I'm sure there's HIPAA, I'm sure it's something like they can't do it, but like, is antidepressant like a controlled substance, like, because what happens when I skip, I start having crazy brain zaps, I like, can't function, it feels like I have a crazy headache, it's like the body is like I'm dealing, it's like dealing with stuff, so maybe that is why you need refills and you need a prescription, whatever, long story short, you know, we're recording this over the weekend and I called on Friday, and Thankfully, they'll be able to see me at four o'clock on Monday, but I have to go the whole weekend and all of Monday

[00:04:08] CHELSEY DONN: no,

[00:04:09] TREY GERRALD: digging into my smaller dosage.

And now I'm also recognizing it took me so long to get the two bottles aligned so that I would just go to CVS once. And now I'm realizing. I'm going to be out of whack again. So I'm going to have to go like every month to get one bottle. And then I'm going to have to go the next month to get the other bottle because now they're going to be out of sync because now I've just, I'm depleting the smaller.

It's just this whole thing. Like I just have depression. I need it to be regulated. So, I'm just complaining about having to get all these refills and it being such a rigmarole and I know that I go to this old doctor who doesn't do like online telemedicine, any of that stuff, so like that's also something to address, but I really like them and I like the office and I wish it wasn't such a headache.

I thought that I would be able to fix the problem of having to constantly go and now here I am, I haven't been in a year and now they won't give me my medicine until I go back. Help me, Chelsey.

[00:05:04] CHELSEY DONN: I

[00:05:07] TREY GERRALD: Kindly, be kind because I'm depressed. Be kind.

[00:05:10] CHELSEY DONN: okay. Of course. I'm always kind. I was just going to say, I think it's just another one of those like adulting things that we just like have to do to keep the

train moving. And it's just so easy to not be considerate of ourselves and our needs. We're so busy all the time, going, going, going, doing for other people, doing for a paycheck, doing for. Whatever it is that it can be really difficult to just take the time and be like, okay I actually am gonna prioritize doing this thing for myself right now. So I want to validate your experience I totally hear you. These things are frustrating, of course, and you know this. There's reasons behind this, like insurance and all of that, why you actually have to go back and why it's actually good to check in with your doctor on a semi regular basis just to make sure that like everything is working the way it should be

working, you know, but it is so hard sometimes to take care of ourselves until we get to that final moment of like, oh my god, there's, now I have to do it, you

[00:06:10] TREY GERRALD: Well, that's exactly right, because I noticed that the bottle was smaller, I noticed that it was only for 30 days, and I noticed, I was like, oh, this is getting low, and of course I didn't take any action until 

[00:06:21] CHELSEY DONN: yeah, 

[00:06:22] TREY GERRALD: was nothing else 

[00:06:23] CHELSEY DONN: so common, so common, we always put ourselves at the bottom of our to do list, I think is is what it comes down to. So, I empathize and it's in the ledger.

[00:06:33] TREY GERRALD: It's in the ledger, y'all. Any of our doctor listeners, tell me what to do. 

[00:06:38] CHELSEY DONN: hopefully Monday goes well and you get your big, I'm honestly jealous I can never get approved for that high of a like advance. But either way, hopefully everything syncs up in the end, you know, like maybe they can find a way to get you synced.

I think maybe 

[00:06:51] TREY GERRALD: Oh my god.

[00:06:53] CHELSEY DONN: So, anyway, what a complaint, Trey.

[00:06:56] TREY GERRALD: It's gonna be 

[00:06:56] CHELSEY DONN: I hope you're feeling all right. With that in mind, Trey, should we jump into some online reviews?

[00:07:03] TREY GERRALD: Yes, let's do it.

[00:07:05] CHELSEY DONN: Let's hear people.

[00:07:08] VOICEOVER: Review That Review.

[00:07:12] CHELSEY DONN: As you know, we are your trusty review queens. We bring reviews from the internet that we feel need to be inspected.

[00:07:19] TREY GERRALD: We read you the review, we break it down, and rate the impact of that review on a scale from zero to five crowns. It's a very regal process that we call,

[00:07:29] VOICEOVER: Assess That Kvetch.

[00:07:31] TREY GERRALD: and Chelsey, it's your turn to uplift us all.

[00:07:34] CHELSEY DONN: No fresh.

[00:07:36] TREY GERRALD: What have you brought in?

[00:07:37] CHELSEY DONN: All right. So today I brought in, we haven't done a resort in a while. I haven't pulled TripAdvisor in a minute. So I went to good old TripAdvisor and I found a place called Sanctuary at Grand Memories. Santa Maria,

which is, is a resort,

[00:07:54] TREY GERRALD: Wait, say that again? What? Sanctuary of,

[00:07:58] CHELSEY DONN: Sanctuary, at, Grand Memory, Grand Sanctuary at Grand Memories Santa Maria.

[00:08:11] TREY GERRALD: uh, okay? Okay. 

[00:08:14] CHELSEY DONN: let me, I guess I could try to explain that. So, basically, there's this resort called Santa Maria, and then there's a part of the resort that's called Sanctuary. So, like,

you know how when you're doing the cruise,

You could be, you know, in some sort of special, uh, housing, or you know what I mean, what was it called?

Rockstar? Rockstar?

[00:08:37] TREY GERRALD: yeah,

[00:08:38] CHELSEY DONN: Okay, so I think this is like Rockstar,

but at this resort, if that, if you're following,

[00:08:44] TREY GERRALD: sure, yeah,

[00:08:45] CHELSEY DONN: okay, cool, glad we explained that to everybody, how we feeling? All right, so this is a three dot review. We'll

[00:08:55] TREY GERRALD: okay, three 

[00:08:56] CHELSEY DONN: Subject, oh, sorry, Three Bubble,

sorry, this is a Three Bubble Review, written by JasonB3776, I feel like I'm calling

bingo, JasonB3776,

[00:09:12] TREY GERRALD: right,

[00:09:14] CHELSEY DONN: subject is, The Butler Did It, okay, here we go, I would have given The Vacation a better review, but my last three days were made hellish. Have

[00:09:28] TREY GERRALD: what, hmm, 

[00:09:29] CHELSEY DONN: you ever felt stalked like a shadow was on you, a stain that couldn't be removed, an ex that couldn't accept the breakup, a parasite nipping at an open wound, just go to the sanctuary, but don't let the name fool you, you'll find no peace and quiet here, they are waiting for you every morning. And in the afternoon, you cannot come and go without being pursued

[00:10:05] TREY GERRALD: and I'll 

[00:10:11] CHELSEY DONN: into thinking they are helping you making a a la carte reservation, 

[00:10:17] TREY GERRALD: in 

[00:10:20] CHELSEY DONN: for you. But then after that, they're irritating, constantly bothering you, knocking on your door the moment you come home,


Yes, really. In conversation with other guests, this feeling was unanimous.

[00:10:38] TREY GERRALD: I'm

[00:10:40] CHELSEY DONN: you on the phone, etc. You can't even have a proper siesta in the afternoon because the butlers 

[00:10:49] TREY GERRALD: I'm 

[00:10:49] CHELSEY DONN: are hanging around the building, 

[00:10:51] TREY GERRALD: with 

[00:10:52] CHELSEY DONN: shouting to one another in the halls, or they're bothering you for some reason. 

[00:10:57] TREY GERRALD: Uh,

[00:10:58] CHELSEY DONN: We were a diamond club. And had arranged for a late checkout, 3 p. m. The last day, the butler kept harassing us, Trying to get us to move rooms at 10 a. m.

[00:11:12] TREY GERRALD: Oh, God. 

[00:11:16] CHELSEY DONN: up reason or another, And sometimes, when she didn't get a response, Called us on the phone, like a psycho, Letting it ring 30 times.

Because she always knew our whereabouts and knew where we were, knew we were there, not sure if she was fishing for more dollar sign money or desperate for something to do. I informed her that we're not leaving before 12 as that was the regular checkout time. Anyways, so for this reason, I'm not at all happy with the resort and can't give a better review. Diamond Club? Don't bother. You're wasting your money, as everyone in the sanctuary is already getting automatically upgraded.

Plus, the sanctuary beach is nicer than the Diamond Club anyways. The beach and pool are gorgeous. Bartenders, maids, waitstaff are really helpful.

The food is horrendous. But you go to Cuba for the beach and weather, not the food.

If you're creative, utilize the grilling station and take advantage of the a la carte. You'll be okay. You can book an a la carte nightly in the sanctuary. Regular guests have a limit. 

It was the butler. 

[00:12:49] TREY GERRALD: Wait, I think you do go to Cuba for food, do you not?

[00:12:53] CHELSEY DONN: I don't

know. I thought that that was a weird sentence too. I'm like, they're Cuban restaurants.

[00:12:58] TREY GERRALD: Right?

[00:12:59] CHELSEY DONN: Why wouldn't you be going for the food,

[00:13:02] TREY GERRALD: Okay. This is a wild review because, and it's funny you mentioned the cruise, because I feel like it's very similar with these resort situations where you have dedicated butler staff and It can get a little, like, I feel responsible for being in conversation and telling you that I'm okay because each butler is assigned a certain number of rooms and then, you know, they have to just, like, be available, so,

[00:13:28] CHELSEY DONN: Exactly.

[00:13:30] TREY GERRALD: the anxiety was rising in me, like, I do, I do feel some of Jason's point here, the butler did it, that sounds 

[00:13:41] CHELSEY DONN: butler dinner, 

[00:13:42] TREY GERRALD: that sounds like a Clue sequel, Also, what really, like, started latching into a reality for me was when they say, The moment you get home, they're knocking, calling.

I mean, I totally feel that. It is sort of like, Okay, like, I will contact you if there's an issue, like, But then this whole thing that does seem to me like, Because they were Diamond and they had a late checkout, Which, a 3 p. m. checkout, that is a gorgeous late checkout. Can we talk about 

[00:14:13] CHELSEY DONN: uh, 3 p. m., that's

lovely, That's nice and leisurely, that feels like a vacation,

[00:14:19] TREY GERRALD: But it sounds to me like the issue was above the butler, like the butler became the middleman that was like, it sounds to me like they needed the room earlier, but Jason had a late checkout, so they were trying to move them to another room that 

[00:14:32] CHELSEY DONN: right, which is like so weird though, can you imagine though, like the whole point of a late checkout is so that you can leisurely pack your bags, like if someone came to me a few hours before I was supposed to check out and was like, can you just switch rooms for

me, what? 

[00:14:46] TREY GERRALD: That's a terrible, that's a terrible solution to try to make, move the other people that are coming in or 

[00:14:52] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, put them in the temporary room.

Be like, why don't you guys hang out in here until your room is ready?

[00:14:57] TREY GERRALD: I don't know. I recognize it's really annoying and frustrating. But then it really does get creepy and feel stalkery because they're saying they're calling and not hanging up and letting it ring 30 times because they know we're in the room.

[00:15:11] CHELSEY DONN: I know, I know, I know. It was like a horror movie, the whole thing. I just, I wonder what this person is like in their regular life, and I

wonder how many people Do you want this butler service, which obviously is something that comes with this caliber of room. They do want them to be there all the time. Like I'm right on top of that Rose, you know what I mean? Like before the bull even hits the ground, they're going to catch it, you know? And so I wonder if Jason is just the kind of person that like does not want to be waited on to that capacity. And then if that is the case, then shouldn't the service be able to pivot?

[00:15:51] TREY GERRALD: Well, that, well, I am of two minds there because I do feel like it would be Jason's because, okay, in full disclosure, I feel like I am more close to Jason. I think I am someone that I don't need, I don't, I am uncomfortable. I don't need us. to be talking like and if I need something I'll reach out to you and it's a little uncomfortable for me to like be in casual conversation like you see I'm coming in down the hall and it's 10 30 at night for you to be like how was your excursion today how were like I like I can be like oh so lovely we're having the best time thank you so much have a great night Like, I'm trying to get out of that conversation as soon as possible, but my higher self sees if Jason is having the experience that your butler is not picking up on that clue, then you're on vacation, you're the guest, you should say You are so good at your job.

Thank you so much I'll just I'll just share with you like I Don't feel like I'm gonna have a lot of needs and if I do I'll reach out to you You don't feel like you like like focus on other people. I'll reach out if I need you and I'm being honest I'm not being like fake with you. I'll let you know if I need something there is like instead of having this To change the three star experience for yourself, have a, grow some cojones and do it, and I'm saying that kind of to myself because I could see how I would become victim of this experience when the person ultimately is trying to be helpful.

[00:17:08] CHELSEY DONN: Jason was really just silently seething the whole time

and not vocalizing? 

[00:17:13] TREY GERRALD: Wait, but wasn't there some part mentioning that other guests were sharing this experience? 

[00:17:19] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, I mean it to me was like I was imagining again, it's like,

it seemed like this was the

coffee talk fodder, you

know, where everybody was like, can you believe it? It's a lot, like, they're on top of me, you know, everybody feels smothered.

[00:17:33] TREY GERRALD: The shouting in the halls, that seems inexcusable to me. Just lower your voice, like, you understand what's happening here. Okay, then there was a huge pivot for me. When they suddenly pronoun the butler a she. I guess I'm just a sexist pig. I, I was imagining a butler as a man.

[00:17:51] CHELSEY DONN: Same. I think I remember that was a pivot and then I was like, okay, well, why should that be? Why should that have stuck out at me? Like, but it was a moment in the storytelling that I was like, oh, okay,

[00:18:00] TREY GERRALD: Yeah, right? That's, that's funny.

[00:18:02] CHELSEY DONN: interesting, which I don't know if that plays into the, the, like, dynamic here with Jason. I wouldn't go that far, but

[00:18:08] TREY GERRALD: I do think the most useful, queenly advice, like, useful part was mentioning like, if you're at the sanctuary, you don't need the diamond, like, it's fine, just get a sanctuary room, and you'll have access to everything, and you'll have all the pluses, so like, I thought that was so queenly.

[00:18:28] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, there was a little bit of, of like, advice in that, which is always helpful, because then it's not just like, A full on rant?

[00:18:35] TREY GERRALD: Yeah, what'd you think about the peppering at the end?

[00:18:37] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, I mean, I, I guess it's queenly, right? I mean, it was a little shady,

[00:18:42] TREY GERRALD: Yes, because they do one little, they're like, these things are good, these are good, and then the last sentence is like, this is terrible, or something, right? Like, the food is bad, or what 

[00:18:50] CHELSEY DONN: it's just, it was just like weird, it just sort of like ended, like it was

like, you can book an a la carte nightly in the sanctuary, regular guests have a limit, dot, dot, dot, like,

[00:19:01] TREY GERRALD: right, I think they just got 

[00:19:02] CHELSEY DONN: They just were like at the end they're like and then here's like a little piece of advice before I go away so this whole review isn't just for not but I guess my question is like with the title that's so kind of captivating, the drama in my opinion of the writing of this review, do we think that there was an intention of being

[00:19:24] TREY GERRALD: I do, I think so, especially with Jason saying, well, I don't know, maybe this is an assumption, but Jason saying, you aren't even able to have a proper siesta. Like, it just felt like, I don't think Jason uses the word siesta normally, but maybe I'm wrong. And, yes, I do think all of the imagery about a shadow was on you, like, they are leaning in, but, you know, this is, once again, this is, like, for usefulness here, like, I'm getting really nice context clues about, like, maybe creating some boundaries with the bottling service, but I would need to look at other reviews to get more information.

So, A more full rounded picture, which is frustrating because it's a three star so you're not like dinging too hard, but I'm still not clear what Sanctuary at Santa Maria, like they toss in the things at the end, so that's not a compliment sandwich, it's sort of like, it's not even an 

[00:20:22] CHELSEY DONN: you want to know more, you want to know more earlier on, maybe in the review or just peppered throughout the review about like, and we did this activity and that activity and we went to this restaurant and that restaurant and what are this at blah, blah, blah, they were just sort of like the food was bad, I guess, and just ended at that. Yeah. And they didn't even tell us like we loved the pool, or I don't know.

[00:20:44] TREY GERRALD: Right, like I wanted to hear 

[00:20:45] CHELSEY DONN: Give me like imagery of what I'm going to be experiencing at this resort.

[00:20:50] TREY GERRALD: I think, I think, cause we make the point very clear about the butler, which I do think is valuable, like I would find that valuable for myself, what, what's the spelling grammar like?

[00:20:59] CHELSEY DONN: overall, like, I think pretty solid. Honestly,

[00:21:03] TREY GERRALD: I mean, I was entertained here, I do think it was funny, I, and I imagine that Jason is aware winky,

[00:21:09] CHELSEY DONN: I think so. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:21:12] TREY GERRALD: what do you think about typical? Like, do you think that Jason just had a very extreme butler, or do you think they're trained to be that hands on?

[00:21:19] CHELSEY DONN: It's interesting because in this case, we have a review where the reviewer is telling us that this is typical.


insinuating that other people are saying this. So I think, like, for me, I'm just, I'm going back and forth with, I can't, we had another review one time, I can't remember what it was, it was a restaurant, where the woman was like, and the people sitting next to me agreed.

And it's like, are you just attracting the other complainers because you're a complainer? Or is there really a complaint here? I guess that's where I'm sort of, I guess that's where my trust lies. 

[00:21:51] TREY GERRALD: yeah, I mean I 

[00:21:52] CHELSEY DONN: and the common and the common of it all.

I think I can crown

[00:21:57] TREY GERRALD: Yeah, let's, let's crown Jason B. 3776.

[00:22:01] CHELSEY DONN: I know, let's do


[00:22:03] TREY GERRALD: So Chelsey and I each have our own set of zero to five crown cards, And in an effort to be fair and not influenced by one another, We will simultaneously reveal our rating!

[00:22:14] VOICEOVER: The Queens are tabulating. Total Score.

[00:22:22] CHELSEY DONN: Okay, interesting. I'm holding up three and a half crowns. Trey is holding up four crowns. Trey, you go first. Why four crowns for Jason?

[00:22:32] TREY GERRALD: Well, I did at the last minute flip to four. I was at three and a half as well. You know, ultimately I, as someone who is a little more introverted, I, this resonates for me and I have had experiences where you do get a butler and it can be a little dicey, but you have to create your own boundary, you know?

And I do ultimately feel like they included other. Pepperings. I just personally want a little bit more of like, because, because I can't read this one review and decide to book or not, which maybe that's too much to ask of a review, but I don't know. Like I would still need to do some sleuthing. So I can't give it a review queen.

And I also wanted to know if the butlers made those little like animals with the 

[00:23:13] CHELSEY DONN: Oh, yeah, 

[00:23:15] TREY GERRALD: I need to know that before I book. I thought it was very funny. I was really laughing. The whole Clue imagery was really funny. I can't distinguish how truthful, shady they are, but the idea of being bugged when you have purposely paid for a higher tier, getting a late, late checkout, I And being asked to change, like that's obnoxious to me.

Like that just feels like someone dropped the ball somewhere and I don't want to be the one having to deal with it. Cause I'm the guest paying the money. So four crowns. It's pretty, it's going to stick with me. I think the Butler, the shadow on my, on my back calling for 30 rings. Why did you say three and a half shells?

[00:23:50] CHELSEY DONN: I said three and a half because I do think it's a funny, interesting review. I like it better than your average review. It's giving me opinions. It's giving me color. It's giving me life that I really appreciate and that's really where my three and a half crowns are coming from.

It's a three dot review.

It's not too damning to the business and it's interesting. So overall, I think it's a decent review above middle of the road.

But I do think I wish I knew a little bit more about the resort going out of this review, especially someone who's so opinionated. If they had just given me a few more specifics in their own colorful way, I think I could have really felt like I was there and experiencing it with them rather than just experiencing The aftermath of this anger at the butler, uh, so that was, I went with three and a half crowns, but I think it was an interesting review. Do you think that if you had a butler to call the pharmacy or call and make your doctor's appointments that your life would be easier?

[00:24:49] TREY GERRALD: Um, yes, and I would let them pester me about that.

[00:24:53] CHELSEY DONN: Oh my goodness.

[00:24:54] TREY GERRALD: Fun Review?

[00:24:55] CHELSEY DONN: That was fun.


was fun. Honestly, I think I found it on, like, a long time ago on a list of, like, funny, interesting, weird TripAdvisor reviews,

um, and it's been, yeah, and it's been in the reserves. Wish it had paid off as well, but might win the award for most captivating title.

[00:25:17] TREY GERRALD: It is a good title, 

[00:25:18] CHELSEY DONN: It is a good Title.

In the

[00:25:22] TREY GERRALD: Oh, and we never even mentioned, but I don't always like the person being called out, but it is interesting to not mention the name.

[00:25:29] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah,

[00:25:30] TREY GERRALD: But it sounds like they're, it sounds like The Butler was doing their job just a little too aggressively. Like, I don't think they were being malicious.

[00:25:36] CHELSEY DONN: yeah, exactly. Thinking about things that lighten us up, Trey. Hope you're a little bit lighter now. Should we hop on into the most regal portion of our show? Who are you inducting for?

[00:25:50] VOICEOVER: My Royal Highness.

[00:25:51] TREY GERRALD: Okay, today, I'm really excited. I found another, like, positive news story. Today, for My Royal Highness, I want to induct this Iowa teenager named Lauren Schroeder. I'm assuming I can give their whole name because there have been articles written about them. Alright, so, This is important to note. This is like an FFA Facebook post that like went viral.

So FFA is Future Farmers of America. So Lauren is a senior and loves tending cattle. But during COVID, they really started to notice how dependent people are on canned vegetables. And

[00:26:26] CHELSEY DONN: as nutritious.

[00:26:27] TREY GERRALD: Exactly. So, Lauren's parents gifted her a half acre of land to create a garden, and Lauren grew 7, 000 pounds of produce Which has a market value of around 15, 000.

[00:26:44] CHELSEY DONN: Crazy.

[00:26:45] TREY GERRALD: Chelsey, she gave it all away to food banks and nonprofits in the Quad City area.

[00:26:52] CHELSEY DONN: I love that, what a great

[00:26:54] TREY GERRALD: So the work drew attention from, um, FFA and they gave her a small grant. for supplies and seeds

[00:27:02] CHELSEY DONN: wow,

[00:27:03] TREY GERRALD: and Lauren has said it was really a good feeling to know that everyone who wanted fresh vegetables would then be able to get them.

I knew that I wanted to keep going.

[00:27:13] CHELSEY DONN: wow,

[00:27:14] TREY GERRALD: Lauren then received a second grant from FFA which turned her half acre into a full acre. And expanded the number of vegetables to 20 different species. Her new goal is to donate 20, 000 pounds of vegetables by the time that she graduates next June. How could you not be proud, her mother Katie said.

She really chose to focus on learning about agriculture, learning about gardening, and learning about vegetables, but just really taking it to the next level and actually helping people out with it. Can you imagine being Katie, being Lauren's mother, and being like, I have all this land, we live in Iowa, this is like what our family has done forever, you'll have this little half acre plot, we'll see what happens.

And then they harvest that much produce, and then they give it away? I mean that's remarkable. There are angels among us.

[00:28:07] CHELSEY DONN: Oh, for sure.

Wow. What a 

[00:28:09] TREY GERRALD: for all of those reasons, Lauren Schroeder, you, without blinking, are My Royal Highness.

[00:28:17] CHELSEY DONN: Yes, no blinks needed. That was a great induction, Trey. I love fun stories like that. And I love the idea that this land was just sitting there and it like had that potential. And then when it was given to the right person, they were able to turn it into something so fruitful. I think that that's

[00:28:35] TREY GERRALD: Truly, well not fruit, vegetable,

[00:28:37] CHELSEY DONN: vegetable fall,

[00:28:40] TREY GERRALD: that's so vegetable,

[00:28:42] CHELSEY DONN: fall, how amazing that the mom gave it to her and then how amazing that Lauren took that gift and made it into something so beautiful,

[00:28:49] TREY GERRALD: How do you think you would do with a half acre of land?,

[00:28:52] CHELSEY DONN: I don't think I would do that well, honestly, like I don't have that

[00:28:56] TREY GERRALD: Neither,

[00:28:56] CHELSEY DONN: of a green thumb, I think maybe I would have to like call in the right person, I think I'm more of a planner, so I think I could be entrusted to hire the right people or, I Bring the right

[00:29:06] TREY GERRALD: Well that,

[00:29:07] CHELSEY DONN: but I don't know that I could get in there and maybe, maybe I, maybe that's a limiting belief try.

I don't know.

[00:29:13] TREY GERRALD: Well that was also part of the story is that Lauren had never been able to be successful prior, but they really like focused and this was the result. I mean, it's remarkable. If you're interested in anyone, look up Lauren Schroeder, because I imagine they're taking donations or something for them to reach their goal, because that's, that's awesome.

Really, really spending your time and life in a positive way. And you're a teenager. Kudos.

[00:29:36] CHELSEY DONN: Amazing.

[00:29:37] TREY GERRALD: Well, we did it, Queen. That's another round on the R U A R Q Ferris Wheel of He's Behind Me, Isn't He?

[00:29:47] CHELSEY DONN: Thank you for joining us today. If you like what you heard, please tell a friend or have your butler do it.

[00:29:54] TREY GERRALD: If you did not like what you heard, please tell an enemy or have your butler do it. Okay, on this week's After Show Pod, Chelsey and I are going to be rating and reviewing a five star new source, DoorDash Review,

[00:30:09] CHELSEY DONN: love that.

[00:30:10] TREY GERRALD: this little cafe bakery called Mocha's Coffee.

[00:30:15] CHELSEY DONN: I wonder why this was said. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like the Pillsbury

[00:30:22] TREY GERRALD: Pillsbury, yeah, 

[00:30:24] CHELSEY DONN: Yes. 

[00:30:25] TREY GERRALD: rolls and you roll them up and then at the end of that paper towel tube like they have a little container of the 

[00:30:32] CHELSEY DONN: icing. 

[00:30:33] TREY GERRALD: That shit is Fucking off the chain.

[00:30:36] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah.

[00:30:37] TREY GERRALD: They put the whole cinnamon roll ussie in 

[00:30:40] CHELSEY DONN: They put their whole ass in to

[00:30:42] TREY GERRALD: Oh my god, that Pillsbury ussie. I'm wondering too, it just seems so normal.

So normal. Well, to all of our royal listeners,

[00:30:53] CHELSEY DONN: Ignore the haters. You're a queen.

[00:30:56] TREY GERRALD: Gender non specific agricultural queen,

[00:30:59] CHELSEY DONN: Obviously.

[00:31:01] TREY GERRALD: B bye!

[00:31:05] VOICEOVER: Sign up directly on Apple Podcast to hear our weekly members only after show. Unlock additional benefits when you become a Patreon slash patreon. Follow us on all the socials at the review queens and join our mailing Our fetch line is open 24 7 at 1 8 5 0 review zero.

You never visit, you never write. Give us a call now.

[00:31:28] CHELSEY DONN: I'm not sure if I ever played the game Clue. I was thinking about, like, I know I've seen the

[00:31:33] TREY GERRALD: Oh. 

[00:31:34] CHELSEY DONN: But I don't know if I've ever played the board game. Is it fun?

[00:31:37] TREY GERRALD: It's a little tedious, I think. Like, it always starts fun, and then it's like, Ugh, I gotta go these spaces. And if you guess wrong, then you just lose. Like,

[00:31:47] CHELSEY DONN: Right.

[00:31:48] TREY GERRALD: yeah.

[00:31:48] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, I love a good mystery.

[00:31:50] TREY GERRALD: I wanted to sing a vegetable related song in relation to Lauren, but all that I could think of was, Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry, but that's not vegetables, and then suddenly I couldn't remember the witches rap from Into the Woods, Watercress and celery and apricots and apricots and lime and oh, but, but, oh,

[00:32:11] CHELSEY DONN: there you go. I mean, I was trying to think, do I know a song with a vegetable in it? Oh, God, that's a challenge. I mean,

the closest I get is Spy by American pie!

but that's not really. Oh,

[00:32:27] TREY GERRALD: Wait, we have to Okay, wait, I am so excited for this after show review, I cannot wait for 

[00:32:31] CHELSEY DONN: Oh, my God. I'm so excited for a new store.

[00:32:34] TREY GERRALD: Okay, we'll see you guys Friday, bye.

[00:32:35] CHELSEY DONN: Friday. Bye!

Review That Review is an independent podcast. Certain names have been redacted or changed to protect the guilty. Executive produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound designed by me with voiceover talents by Eva Kaminsky. Our cover art was designed by LogoVora and our theme song was written by Joe Kinosian and sung by Natalie Weiss.


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TRANSCRIPT of Episode 159: "Barking - 1 Star Review"

Review That Review with Chelsey & Trey Episode 159: "Barking - 1 Star Review" Transcription *Please pardon any and all spelling errors! [00:00:00] CHELSEY DONN: Goldie? Goldie! No barking, quiet, or y


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