top of page
Search

TRANSCRIPT of Episode 139: "Ancient Mushroom Elixir - 3 Star Review"



Review That Review with Chelsey & Trey
Episode 139: "Ancient Mushroom Elixir - 3 Star Review"

Transcription


*Please pardon any and all spelling errors!


 

[00:00:00] TREY GERRALD: I don't even know if we ever talked about this, but I did audition for RuPaul's Drag Race, the season that's currently airing, and

[00:00:06] CHELSEY DONN: We did not talk about that!

you did? 

[00:00:10] TREY GERRALD: I did not get cast, spoiler alert.



[00:00:15] THEME SONG: Everybody's got an opinion.

Every Californian and Virginian.

It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.

Someone's gotta settle the score.

Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!

Whose views win, which ones lose.

Online haters are comin' for you!

Baby, it's time to Review That Review!


[00:00:44] CHELSEY DONN: Hello!

[00:00:46] TREY GERRALD: Well, hello and welcome to Review That Review, the podcast that is dedicated to reviewing,

[00:00:54] CHELSEY DONN: Reviews!

[00:00:56] TREY GERRALD: that is Chelsey 

[00:00:58] CHELSEY DONN: And that is Trey Gerrald.

[00:01:00] TREY GERRALD: and us together are,

[00:01:03] Voiceover: The Review Queens,

[00:01:07] TREY GERRALD: that's us,

[00:01:12] CHELSEY DONN: Oh god, this is my episode first, sorry. I was like, okay, nevermind. That's us! And Trey, it's your turn this week. I'm sure you've been waiting for this moment. Would you like to? 

[00:01:24] Voiceover: Lodge a complaint,

[00:01:26] TREY GERRALD: why yes I would, Chelsey, thank you so much for asking. 

[00:01:29] CHELSEY DONN: course. 

[00:01:29] TREY GERRALD: not that I was prepared for this or anything, but since you asked, today I want to lodge a complaint against the verbose, intelligent language that is used inside of contracts. Why is the language in contracts so difficult to discern? Why don't we just Use normal speech.

Why do I need a thesaurus to go through a contract? I, I'm sure that it's because they're like dotting their i's crossing their T's, they're making sure that nothing is misconstrued. But in the process, it reminds me of William Shakespeare where I'm like, I know this is English, but I have no idea what is being said.

Have you, have you encountered this? I know your sister is a lawyer. Why is contract language so heightened? elevated to where I'm sort of like, wait, what?

[00:02:17] CHELSEY DONN: I don't, I think it's just to make all of us regular people just completely

In the dark, like, we're just

like, yeah, like, we have no idea what we're signing, like, only the lawyers know what it really says, it's like, it's, to me, it reminds me of, like, someone that speaks in a double negative, and then you're like, wait, what are you saying? I feel like legalese is the same, like, you could literally be telling me to my face, like, and you're protected, but what you're really saying, is that you're not

protected.

at all, all rights reserved, you know what I mean? And like none the wiser. So I am glad that I have my sister in like moments where I'm like, I really need someone to read this contract and like she can, I make her translate it for

me.

But like, and because of like, I'm sure a lot of it, at least from talking to my sister, like is standard language,

[00:03:11] TREY GERRALD: Right. But it's not, it's not human speech.

[00:03:14] CHELSEY DONN: right? No, it's not even, and then the other thing that's like really scary

Not to get all Black Mirror on all of us, but like every single time like Gmail or anything is

[00:03:25] TREY GERRALD: Oh, 

[00:03:26] CHELSEY DONN: Sign this thing, privacy policy, whatever, like I've literally gone on and been like let me be the person that reads this, and I've started to read it And I'm like they make this 200 pages

So on purpose because they know nobody has the time to sit and read 200 pages of legalese, please.

[00:03:47] TREY GERRALD: I mean, that's actually, you might've just pinpointed my actual complaint, cause it, cause I deal with those privacy policy guideline updates much more than I deal with legal contracts, but it's the same worded, wording, because it is a contract, like, I'm a, I'm agreeing TikTok can take my everything, and the, the Chinese government can do whatever they want with me, just so that we can get more followers for our podcast.

[00:04:13] CHELSEY DONN: It's, uh, it's the price of pay, Trey, I guess.

[00:04:16] TREY GERRALD: It's the price of fame.

[00:04:18] CHELSEY DONN: I guess that's the price of fame, right? Oh,

[00:04:20] TREY GERRALD: Also, I'm sort of like, I don't care, I mean, tinfoil hat, I love a good conspiracy, I feel like it all got dark and weird with QAnon and Trump, so we don't have to go there, it feels a little tainted, but I used to really love, like, anything could be possible, but to me, I'm sort of like, I don't care, everyone dies, we're all gonna die at some point, I don't care what's happening, I'm not doing anything malicious or secret or, like, Although I am someone who has a little like cover on my camera, but I don't have it on my iPhone, I don't have it on my iPad.

I have it on my computer,

[00:04:52] CHELSEY DONN: know. The illusion of security.

[00:04:55] TREY GERRALD: and then you know what's really funny is, I don't even know if we ever talked about this, but I did audition for RuPaul's Drag Race, the season that's currently airing, and

[00:05:03] CHELSEY DONN: We did not talk about that!

you did? 

[00:05:08] TREY GERRALD: I did not get cast, spoiler alert, but

[00:05:12] CHELSEY DONN: my gosh, right?

[00:05:12] TREY GERRALD: I'm still paying off debt from all of the wigs and costumes I bought for that 20 minute audition tape.

It's the hardest audition I've ever had in my life, but this is it. This is neither here nor 

[00:05:23] CHELSEY DONN: So you had, so it was a tape you had to put together?

[00:05:25] TREY GERRALD: Yeah, we can talk about on the after show because 

[00:05:27] CHELSEY DONN: Okay, we'll talk about that later. I'm

[00:05:29] TREY GERRALD: but you have to before you get the audition requirements, you have to sign the contract and that contracts for reality TV is literally like literally, you are nothing and anything you say, we reserve the right to move words around Make it sound like you're saying this.

We hold no responsibility for anything that happens in your life after. And then you like, at the very end, It's like, everything in this contract is reversible if the producers say so. Like, so it's just like,

[00:06:01] CHELSEY DONN: But not if you say

so, right? Only, yeah.

[00:06:04] TREY GERRALD: Anyway, that's another hint of error. Be careful with contracts and, um, unless you just don't care, like who cares?

But they're just so intimidating. The word is intimidating because I don't really know what's happening and it is double speech. Yeah. Anyway, that's my complaint. 

[00:06:17] CHELSEY DONN: Good 

[00:06:18] TREY GERRALD: I hope that you find some levity in that if you've ever had to sign a contract and you're like, Oh my God, I feel so stupid. You're probably not so stupid.

I think the language is difficult on purpose.

[00:06:27] CHELSEY DONN: That's right.

I agree. Added to the ledger.

[00:06:30] TREY GERRALD: Now it's on the ledger. I feel a little bit better. I just revealed a secret, that's fine. And, um, with all of that energy, Chelsey, should we jump into an online review?

[00:06:40] CHELSEY DONN: Let's jump in.

[00:06:41] TREY GERRALD: And jump!

[00:06:43] CHELSEY DONN: One, two, three, go!

[00:06:45] Voiceover: Review That Review,

[00:06:49] CHELSEY DONN: As you know, we are your trusty Review Queens. We bring in reviews from the internet that we feel need to be inspected.

[00:06:59] TREY GERRALD: read you a review, then we break it down and rate the impact of that review on a scale from 0 to 5 crowns. It's a very regal process that we call

[00:07:08] Voiceover: Assess That Kvetch,

[00:07:10] TREY GERRALD: And here we are, Chelsey. What'd you bring? What'd you bring?

[00:07:13] CHELSEY DONN: Alright, well, speaking of contracts

and life and death and all those things,

[00:07:22] TREY GERRALD: is a funeral 

[00:07:22] CHELSEY DONN: I, no,

no, I'm going to talk about a beverage called Alive. It is GT's living food. This is matcha vanilla adaptogenic tea. Now, have you ever heard of GT before,

Trey? 

[00:07:42] TREY GERRALD: yeah, that's like my preferred kombucha, yeah.

[00:07:45] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah. So I wanted to, just in case our listeners don't know about the brand GT, I wanted to like do a little intro.

[00:07:52] TREY GERRALD: I, can I, uh, I, I think I remember reading the back of a bottle and it's someone, some son whose mother had cancer or something and created a fermented thing and it reversed her cancer or something.

[00:08:04] CHELSEY DONN: Oh my God, Trey. Look at you with the knowledge. Exactly.

[00:08:07] TREY GERRALD: read bottles.

[00:08:08] CHELSEY DONN: Okay.

Well, in 

[00:08:09] TREY GERRALD: you go, tell 

[00:08:10] CHELSEY DONN: read the bottle, it's a family owned and operated business since 1995 with a mission of purpose and a labor of love. There's like incredible backstory here as Trey was saying. So in 1994, like Way before anybody was even drinking kombucha, or even really knew it, did we know what that was at the time? GT's mom, Lorraine, was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer, and the drink, the pungent home brewed kombucha, really helped her throughout her recovery.

So in 1995, inspired by his mother's experience, GT began bottling small batches in his kitchen in his Southern California home. He sold his first two cases to this super bougie grocery store in L.

A. called Air One, which I don't know if you know about it,

[00:09:00] TREY GERRALD: Everyone is talking about air one now.

[00:09:02] CHELSEY DONN: It's at a con it's where Hailey Bieber has like a smoothie at Erewhon that's like 40. I don't know what the heck it

[00:09:09] TREY GERRALD: Oh, maybe that's why.

[00:09:11] CHELSEY DONN: I think that's part of it. But anyway, it's like if you're a celebrity and you want to spend a lot of money on groceries, But like maybe be left alone, you're probably gonna go to Erewhon, but this was in 1995.

So I'll give them a pass. Maybe it was before that. 1996, they introduced flavored kombucha and they got into more health stores around Los Angeles. It's 1996, you guys.

This is a long time ago. 

[00:09:34] TREY GERRALD: Cause I didn't hear about it till like, 2010 probably.

[00:09:37] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah. Right? 97, they introduced their Synergy line, which is probably the

line that most people drink now. It's blended with real fruit juices, purees, and in 1999, they were in Whole Foods

across California. 2005, they expanded even more, I mean, just like so many things happening, bringing us fast forwarding, okay, a little bit, all the way to 2019,

and in 2019, GT, they had created a living foods brand,

and they introduced two new offerings, which is Alive, an adaptogenic mushroom elixir, and Agua de Kiefer, a non dairy water kefir, okay,

[00:10:21] TREY GERRALD: What's a kefir?

[00:10:22] CHELSEY DONN: It's kind of, kefir's like,

um, a probiotic yogurt, it's usually made from yogurt,

[00:10:29] TREY GERRALD: Did you hear my joke?

[00:10:29] CHELSEY DONN: kefir, what? Wait, what?

[00:10:32] TREY GERRALD: I said, Southerland? Pfft.

[00:10:35] CHELSEY DONN: Like Southerland? Yes. So, anyway, this is a macro dose of mushroom magic, with a potent trio of adaptogenic mushrooms infused in purposeful tea offerings in iconic Uplifting flavors to fortify and sustain better health for longer.

Sort of like a soda alternative for adults is the way they're selling it. They have lemon, lime, cola, root beer, chai, yerba mate, matcha, vanilla, and ginger turmeric.

These kind of adaptogenic mushrooms are supposed to help the immune system reduce stress, improve sleep, lessen fatigue, all that good stuff. My boss is obsessed with this drink.

She can't stop drinking it. I tasted it and it was, it reminded me of the first time I tried kombucha where I was like, Ew!

And then like afterwards I was like, is it ew? You know, like,

[00:11:30] TREY GERRALD: The Britney Broski meme.

[00:11:32] CHELSEY DONN: oh, I don't know the meme. Tell me.

[00:11:34] TREY GERRALD: Oh, you've probably seen it. It's where this girl is drinking a kombucha, and she's like,

She bounces back and forth between is it good or bad.

[00:11:45] CHELSEY DONN: I know, it's like, so, it's like a weird thing that happens in your brain, like, I think it's that it doesn't taste good, but then your body's like, ooh, yay, yay, good for us, good for, you know what I mean,

so then you don't know, so I definitely think this is one of those things that would grow on you, I guess, no pun intended, with these adaptogenic mushrooms, but I know that was sort of, The Long Way Around the Barn, but I wanted to say all that to say that I really do like this company and drink their kombucha, I love their kombucha that has the chia seeds in it, like this is clearly a popular brand, I'm not looking to take down GT, I really like what they do, That being said, here we are, it's Review That Review, so we're on Amazon, uh, this is for the GT Living Foods Matcha Vanilla Adaptogenetic Tea, so this is the matcha vanilla flavor, Do you want to guess how much it is per bottle?

The

[00:12:34] TREY GERRALD: Is it one singular bottle or a case of bottles?

[00:12:37] CHELSEY DONN: It's 116 fluid ounce bottle. Any

[00:12:41] TREY GERRALD: Well, I feel like GT's Kombucha at 16 is probably, I don't know, 5. 99? Is this like 7. 99?

[00:12:51] CHELSEY DONN: It's 464 actually.

[00:12:53] TREY GERRALD: All right.

[00:12:54] CHELSEY DONN: Okay, so I mean it's a lot, but it's not like crazy. Everybody, this review is three stars.

It's written by Henchman, the number four, hire,

Henchman,

[00:13:10] TREY GERRALD: Or higher? 

[00:13:11] CHELSEY DONN: four, Hire, so Henchmen for Hire, in case you're in

the market, Yep, don't come after us, we're just a review show, Henchmen for Hire, This is a three star review, subject,

[00:13:25] TREY GERRALD: just interrupt for one second? Will you just 

[00:13:28] CHELSEY DONN: yeah, yeah, yeah, 

[00:13:29] TREY GERRALD: contract verbiage? This is a matcha. It's not kombucha. It's a tea. What is it?

[00:13:36] CHELSEY DONN: it's, matcha vanilla is the flavor,

[00:13:39] TREY GERRALD: is it? Is it like fermented like kombucha?

[00:13:43] CHELSEY DONN: sort of a fermented, That's what makes the bubbles, right, so like a fermented tea, With adaptogenic mushrooms, In the flavor of

Matcha vanilla.

in this case,

yeah, 

[00:13:57] TREY GERRALD: So is it green? Or is it brown? Or is it white?

[00:13:59] CHELSEY DONN: the bottle is brown so it's like kind of hard to see what

like the color of the inside drink is, yeah, but I would imagine it's brown,

my boss drinks the root beer one and she's like obsessed with it,

okay, Of course, henchmen for hires, three star review, here we go, subject, Straight Out of a Witch's Cauldron, here we go, The Sonic the Hedgehog 2 movie got me wondering what Dr.

Robotnik

might have to drink on his Mushroom Prison Planet, so I bought this on a whim, it has vanilla, dark amber maple, mushrooms, whatever the hell Chaga is, Must taste great,

[00:14:47] TREY GERRALD: Now.

[00:14:48] CHELSEY DONN: and it adapt, and it adapt, it adapt, Jesus Christ, and It adapt energizes,

[00:15:00] TREY GERRALD: Oh my god. What?

[00:15:07] CHELSEY DONN: or whatever, BONUS!, well, it tastes like what it says on the bottle, and that's refreshing in its own way. This is some kind of semi fermented, lightly carbonated, semi sweet, bubbly soda potion you get at a witch's hut on your way to fight the level 10 skull cruncher warlord.

[00:15:35] TREY GERRALD: What?

[00:15:36] CHELSEY DONN: The vanilla and maple notes are there, the cider isn't strong so it's drinkable, dare I say chuggable, the mushrooms pop out after every gulp, so

yeah. It's definitely a mushroom drink, all right.

[00:15:53] TREY GERRALD: Oh

[00:15:55] CHELSEY DONN: I was soured to most of these kinds of drinks by kombuchas because even if the label says, Delicious Melon Based Kombucha!, they still taste like liquid butts. But this one gets a pass. All right.

[00:16:16] TREY GERRALD: wait, I'm really struck by this burying the lead. Second to last sentence, I was soured by kombuchas. So then why are you going to the kombucha brand for a different drink if you're soured by kombuchas? I would imagine it's gonna be the same sort of Ish. Oh my god. So much witchy imagery in this.

[00:16:37] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, and, and Sonic the Hedgehog, and I don't know what Skullcruncher Warlord is,

but I'm guessing it's like another kind of game.

[00:16:46] TREY GERRALD: You know, it, it's, I love that they said a witch's hut, which made me think of Pizza Hut.

[00:16:52] CHELSEY DONN: Oh, interesting. Okay,

[00:16:54] TREY GERRALD: Have you ever, wait, have you ever had 

[00:16:55] CHELSEY DONN: like a witch's hut, but looks like a pizza hut, but you just go in there and you get the mushroom

[00:17:00] TREY GERRALD: The potions. Have you ever been to a Pizza Hut?

[00:17:04] CHELSEY DONN: yeah, for sure. I used to eat

at them when I was a kid.

[00:17:07] TREY GERRALD: Yeah, me too. What happened to Pizza Hut?

[00:17:09] CHELSEY DONN: I don't know.

[00:17:10] TREY GERRALD: I think it fell off. Anyway. Uh, okay. I gotta say.

[00:17:13] CHELSEY DONN: think it's like still at like, whatchamacallit, rest stops and stuff.

[00:17:17] TREY GERRALD: Yes, I feel like I see pizza huts to go.

[00:17:19] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah.

[00:17:20] TREY GERRALD: Okay, so kombucha was a journey for me as well.

[00:17:23] CHELSEY DONN: Yes.

[00:17:24] TREY GERRALD: I remember like my hippy dippy friend people like drank them and I was like what and it's skeevy because all of the like enzyme like floating around Yeah, the mother like like you would think like oh, I need to shake it, but I can't cuz it's carbonated 

[00:17:41] CHELSEY DONN: it's carbonated so it'll explode.

[00:17:43] TREY GERRALD: but actually the mother is what you actually want like that's the good part, right?

Um, this is reminding me of our 

[00:17:49] CHELSEY DONN: top of the yogurt that we, yeah. 

[00:17:51] TREY GERRALD: yes, so it took a while to be like, okay, I'm going to ingest this like squiggly thing, right? Now it's like, totally fine, I'm into it, okay, but you really lose me, and I know we're gonna lose you too, Chelsey, because we are not mushroom fans, but if, as, uh, henchmen for high, oh, oh, I thought we also, I thought we had that in 

[00:18:12] CHELSEY DONN: we don't know. 

[00:18:13] TREY GERRALD: just fish.

[00:18:14] CHELSEY DONN: Just fish, I don't eat fish,

but I like mushrooms, but not like this, like I'm with you in the like, if all of a sudden, like a piece of a mushroom, like came through the drink,

[00:18:24] TREY GERRALD: or as Henchman for Hire describes it, mushrooms pop out.

[00:18:30] CHELSEY DONN: after every gulp,

[00:18:33] TREY GERRALD: I mean, that's like a, this is like a really disgusting version of a boba tea.

[00:18:38] CHELSEY DONN: I mean, do you think that they literally mean pop out, like it's going to be in my mouth, or do you think that they mean like, oh, I can taste the mushroom drink, like, yep, that's definitely

[00:18:48] TREY GERRALD: Well, I had a question for you because earlier you referenced the chia seeds, which I have never tried because that looks so gross to me. I know chia seeds are good for you and whatever, but like, is that just like 900 chia seeds? Like, every gulp you're having 17 chia seeds? So, do you think that there's less mushrooms?

I would imagine there would be less.

[00:19:06] CHELSEY DONN: There are, I mean, I tried this, I tried

the root beer one. Remember I said I like, had a sip of it and I was like, oh no, and then I was kind of like, oh, maybe.

[00:19:17] TREY GERRALD: Was there mushroom in your mouth?

[00:19:19] CHELSEY DONN: No, none.

So like, I imagine, and she just poured a teeny bit into a cup for me. So I imagine like, it's similar to the kombucha, Where like,

you're not getting a piece of the mother every single

[00:19:32] TREY GERRALD: every sip. I did kind of feel like Henchmen for Hire was maybe being a little creatively verbose.

[00:19:38] CHELSEY DONN: Right. That's why I was like, are they just saying like, it pops? Like, you would say like, ooh, the cinnamon in this really pops, like,

you know, or you think they really?

[00:19:48] TREY GERRALD: I feel like there might be some physical mothering from the mushrooms. I feel like there might be nom nom nom on some mushroom 

[00:19:55] CHELSEY DONN: Ooh, 

[00:19:55] TREY GERRALD: I don't know. But if that is true, then that undercuts Henchman Friar's other point, that like, ultimately it's chuggable, almost. Can you imagine chugging a carbon I guess people chug beer, what am I talking about?

But chugging this and then burping it up, oh, 

[00:20:11] CHELSEY DONN: oh,

horrible,

[00:20:13] TREY GERRALD: you can't chug it if it has grit in it, then you would choke, I don't know. I'm really, I'm really not the audience for this because I cannot with mushrooms, although vanilla matcha sounds so bangin to me, 

[00:20:25] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah. So 

[00:20:26] TREY GERRALD: comprehend the palette of that with mushrooms.

[00:20:30] CHELSEY DONN: yeah,

[00:20:30] TREY GERRALD: That seems so, like, 

[00:20:32] CHELSEY DONN: it doesn't like, to me, it doesn't taste. It didn't taste like, I mean, I guess it didn't taste like mushrooms in the way that people are like, Ooh, I don't like slimy mushrooms, I think would taste, but it

was more of like an earthy bitterness

[00:20:47] TREY GERRALD: Yeah, I'm 

[00:20:48] CHELSEY DONN: happened. Okay. You're out of earthy bitterness. Okay.

[00:20:51] TREY GERRALD: But your point there, that the continuing of that thought you were on is a henchman for higher mentions. It's semi this and semi this and semi this and a little semi that. It's reminding me of the cream soda turkey dinner 

[00:21:05] CHELSEY DONN: right. 

[00:21:05] TREY GERRALD: on the after show where it's sort of like 

[00:21:08] CHELSEY DONN: cream soda, 20, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

[00:21:10] TREY GERRALD: yeah, we're doing division over here.

[00:21:11] CHELSEY DONN: we are doing multiplication or something, yeah, or

[00:21:14] TREY GERRALD: Also, how funny, adaptogen, adaptogenizes, or whatever, I love that he wrote, or whatever. Also, I loved when they say, whatever the hell that is,

[00:21:31] CHELSEY DONN: my god,

[00:21:32] TREY GERRALD: I mean, look, I, I don't know, because I am, I, my history with kombucha was sort of like, I don't think that's for me, and then I was persuaded, and then I really enjoy it, you know, and if I ever feel a little under, I want a kombucha, and I do go to GT, so I can, I think the value here in Henchmen for Hire's review is sort of like, you know, it's actually okay, but these things are a little, like, unsettling, and maybe I could get used to it, but I don't know, I, I do feel more armed with what it possibly would taste like in my mouth because they talk about the deep amber and that there is mushroom in here and they break it all down, so I do feel a little clearer, 

[00:22:13] CHELSEY DONN: Like going in, you're a little safer because you can, like, manage expectation.

[00:22:18] TREY GERRALD: exactly. And I think the unique point of view about sort of like, whatever the hell that like adapted to Gen I says, okay, cool. You know, like it is sort of how I'm coming to this product. So that feels funny and like relatable.

[00:22:31] CHELSEY DONN: totally.

[00:22:32] TREY GERRALD: Spelling grammar. What do you think?

[00:22:33] CHELSEY DONN: Very good. Definitely. This person knows how to write like no doubt about that. What do we think

about the fact that they use delicious melon based kombucha and then they talk about it tasting like liquid butts?

[00:22:46] TREY GERRALD: you know, I actually wrote down liquid butts. What does that 

[00:22:50] CHELSEY DONN: What does that mean? Like actual butts? Like, like, duty? Or, or butts like cigarette butts?

I

[00:23:02] TREY GERRALD: butts. I mean, it's just, I think I get the picture, even though I'm not sure. But I mean it, it seems wild to me. The henchman for hire would think that kombucha tasted like liquid butt and then would choose another product from the company. Like that seems odd to me.

It feels like an attempted humor,

[00:23:17] CHELSEY DONN: Right. For sure.

[00:23:18] TREY GERRALD: and it is very funny

[00:23:20] CHELSEY DONN: But it is interesting to me because like maybe in a weird way it's gonna make me want to buy this product more because

I don't feel this way about kombucha like I don't think that kombucha tastes like liquid bots

[00:23:31] TREY GERRALD: Me either.

[00:23:32] CHELSEY DONN: maybe it's and I know that my boss is addicted to this so this is like a side note but maybe it would take me less time to start liking this product than it would for even kombucha which is interesting.

[00:23:43] TREY GERRALD: Right. Well, so what do you think Henchman for Hires job is? Do you think they're a henchman?

[00:23:48] CHELSEY DONN: my god, do you think it's a hunchbone? I mean, it's a weird name. Maybe they just really like that show, Barry,

[00:23:54] TREY GERRALD: Oh, I haven't seen it, but I hear it's so 

[00:23:57] CHELSEY DONN: but it's about a henchman for hire.

[00:23:59] TREY GERRALD: And a henchman is a hitman, right?

[00:24:01] CHELSEY DONN: Yes, I think. Yeah.

[00:24:03] TREY GERRALD: They do your dirty work.

[00:24:04] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, and he's available.

[00:24:06] TREY GERRALD: this is a typical experience?

[00:24:08] CHELSEY DONN: I think so. Underneath the humor, there could be a typical sentiment.

[00:24:14] TREY GERRALD: Well, because I've never heard of this kind of a product before, so I, I, I feel like I may not be alone in that. So if you are sort of coming to it with like, adapted to gen izes or whatever, or whatever the hell that is, maybe like, that could be kind of common.

[00:24:29] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, that's true. I mean, maybe it's because I live in California, but like the mushrooms and this is definitely the new wave. Like I

have a protein drink now

that I am a fan of and it has mushroom like adaptogized mushrooms in it as like an added bonus.

[00:24:49] TREY GERRALD: It's so weird I did the contract language, because, I don't, what is adaptedogenizes, 

[00:24:55] CHELSEY DONN: you don't understand the words? Yeah,

[00:24:56] TREY GERRALD: like it all feels a little like, okay, I guess it's good for my gut health, okay, I don't know, I'm very entertained by this, it is a three 

[00:25:04] CHELSEY DONN: and it's three crowns. Yeah. I mean, three stars. It is a

[00:25:07] TREY GERRALD: cause I'm sort of like, did they hate it or did they like it, like it is sort of like, I guess dealer's choice, henchman's choice,

[00:25:15] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah. I mean, with the three star, I just think that it's, it is sending a message to me and that message is, it's not going to taste amazing, but supposedly it's healthy

and it's tolerable and I'm liking it more the more I'm drinking it and sort of able to identify what it is. And I feel like that seems very three star to me.

It's not like,

Oh my God, I drank this and this is the best thing I've ever had.

[00:25:42] TREY GERRALD: Correct. And like a one star would be like, this tastes like liquid butt.

[00:25:45] CHELSEY DONN: This one star would be like, I vomited.

[00:25:48] TREY GERRALD: Right. I think I can crown henchmen for hire. 

[00:25:52] CHELSEY DONN: Let's do 

[00:25:52] TREY GERRALD: Let's do it. Alright, so Chelsey and I each have our own set of zero to five crown cards. In an effort to be fair and not influenced by one another, after we just literally talked it through, we will simultaneously reveal our rating. 

[00:26:07] Voiceover: The Queens are tabulating, Total Score,

[00:26:15] CHELSEY DONN: Okay, the Queens are unanimous. Four and a half crowns, four and a half crowns. Trey, you go first. Why four and a half crowns for a henchman for hire because you're worried that he's gonna come after you and you better give him a high score?

[00:26:27] TREY GERRALD: know, I guess like it's this conversation about a three star, like what is the real value of a three star? It's It's not extreme on either end. Got a lot of chuckles in here. I feel like I understand the product a little bit better after reading it, so that's sort of moving it more up the rank. And I, I think that's really why I had to say four and a half.

It's, it's pretty queenly in the humor and the knowledge and the experience. It's, and it's funny. So four and a half. Chelsey, why did you say four and a half?

[00:26:59] CHELSEY DONN: Similar reasoning, of course, I just, I mean, I like Kenshin for Hire, I like their style of humor, I think it's unique

to them, I do think maybe they live in a different gamer world than me, but I still am tickled by the whole review, and I don't think that, at the end of the day, this three star review is really hurting The overall score of the product that much. And I just, I liked it. I thought it was funny. It was impactful. Wasn't quite a full review queen for me, but almost. So that was why I went with four and a half.

[00:27:29] TREY GERRALD: Yeah, got it. Henchmen, you silly goose, 

[00:27:32] CHELSEY DONN: You 

[00:27:32] TREY GERRALD: your, drink your mushrooms.

[00:27:34] CHELSEY DONN: Maybe it will make henchmen want to like change careers. You know,

they'll drink a little bit like, I don't want to be a henchman anymore. I'm going to be a florist.

[00:27:41] TREY GERRALD: I would definitely want to try the vanilla 

[00:27:44] CHELSEY DONN: Really? Would that be the flavor you would choose?

[00:27:46] TREY GERRALD: Yeah, I think so, yeah.

[00:27:47] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah. I liked the root beer, I think.

[00:27:49] TREY GERRALD: Well, that was fun. Thank you for bringing that in. Maybe I'll have to go grab a bottle.

[00:27:54] CHELSEY DONN: just might, or maybe we'll have to try it together on an after show.

That could be fun. I don't know You're scared We could 

[00:28:02] TREY GERRALD: I don't want to commit to the mushrooms, but

[00:28:04] CHELSEY DONN: Alright. All right, Chey. Well, we've done it. We have reached the most regal portion of our show. Who are you inducting for?

[00:28:13] Voiceover: My Royal Highness,

[00:28:15] TREY GERRALD: thank you for asking. So, today I'm going to induct a sensation, a phenomenon, an occurrence that I'm very aware of when I'm just a tinge, like, cutting it too close to being late to work. Today, I really want to induct when you get a string of green lights.

[00:28:32] CHELSEY DONN: Oh God. I love

[00:28:33] TREY GERRALD: Isn't that the best fucking thing in the world?

Especially when, like, cause I feel like there's like a timing sequence. So it's like, you can see like in the distance, like that light has just turned green. So like, I feel like mine's about to turn green. So when that happens, when you see it's like. The one of the first lights changed from red to green and you can see like, oh my god, oh my god, I'm not gonna stop.

Oh my god. Oh my god. I'm not behind a slow person. Oh my god. It really is like euphoric. The sensation of like, I have not gotten a single yellow. To not get a single yellow 

[00:29:11] CHELSEY DONN: I know. 

[00:29:12] TREY GERRALD: but to not get a single red, like to just perfectly green, there is nothing like that in the world. It is like, revelatory.

Revelatory? Revelatory or

[00:29:25] CHELSEY DONN: Look at us with these big words, adapt, energizes, revelatory. Mm

[00:29:32] TREY GERRALD: that's it! Plain simple. When you get a string of green lights, it means good juju in the world, good karma, and um, I wish, to quote one of my favorite Broadway musicals, I wish you a string of green lights, Chelsey.

[00:29:46] CHELSEY DONN: Wow.

[00:29:47] TREY GERRALD: And for that reason, I'm inducting a string of green lights as My Royal Highness.

The next time it happens to you, take a moment, inhale, exhale the gratitude. You are My Royal Highness.

[00:29:59] CHELSEY DONN: God, that is such a good induction. I'm like almost jealous I didn't think of it. It's so good.

[00:30:04] TREY GERRALD: Oh, 

[00:30:05] CHELSEY DONN: It's, oh my God, it's, it's so true because yeah, there was those times when like, you just, you, you had to go to the bathroom. You just decided to go to The

bathroom before you hit the road. You knew that it was cutting it close, but you were like, I just, what am I going to do?

Like pee in my car? So like you go and now you're like, great, now I'm going to be five minutes late. And then you get all the green lights and suddenly you're on time, or you're early, you're like a minute early,

or two minutes early, ah, there is nothing better than that,

[00:30:36] TREY GERRALD: I agree.

[00:30:36] CHELSEY DONN: it wins, great Royal Highness Nom, really,

[00:30:40] TREY GERRALD: Thank you, Queen. Well, we did a queen, that is another round on the R U A R Q, Ferris wheel of liquid butts, adapted gen izes, or whatever the hell, Sonic 2, Ferris wheel,

[00:30:51] CHELSEY DONN: yes, thank you for joining us today, if you like what you heard, please tell a friend or buy them a mushroom elixir,

[00:30:58] TREY GERRALD: If you did not like what you heard, tell an enemy, and buy them a mushroom elixir. Okay, now, on this week's After Show Pod, Chelsey and I are rating and reviewing a one star, Amazon review, 4. Happy Birthday Balloons Banner, I Party Cool, 24 PCS, 3D Rose Gold Premium Mylar Foil, Eco Friendly Letter Happy Birthday Banner with 6 PCS Star Balloons, Kits for Kids, Boys, Men, Adults, Birthday Party Decorations, HB0RG, HB0RG, HB0RG, HB0RG,

[00:31:40] Voiceover: It's supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

[00:31:45] CHELSEY DONN: it's

[00:31:45] TREY GERRALD: Now, why does this say men and boys 

[00:31:47] CHELSEY DONN: and not women or girls? 

[00:31:49] TREY GERRALD: It's rose gold. Nothing about 

[00:31:51] CHELSEY DONN: think that they're like, they wanna, they're figuring if you're a girl, you're gonna already be searching for rose gold or something, I don't

know, it feels a little bit,

thus, 

[00:32:00] TREY GERRALD: It does feel 

[00:32:01] CHELSEY DONN: yeah, well, that's super fascinating, I mean, longest name in history, I can't imagine why this was said, oh no, NO!

Oh my god, you guys, okay, okay, sorry, sorry, I know you're listening, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,

[00:32:19] TREY GERRALD: What, Chelsey? 

[00:32:20] CHELSEY DONN: yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, 

[00:32:25] TREY GERRALD: I'm confused. Maybe if we go to the witch's hut and we get some magic potion from the witch's cauldron and watch Sonic 2, we'll figure it out.

[00:32:34] CHELSEY DONN: Maybe?

Or maybe if we just join patrons? 

[00:32:36] TREY GERRALD: Yeah, exactly. Well, to all of our royal listeners,

[00:32:40] CHELSEY DONN: Ignore the haters. You're a queen.

[00:32:43] TREY GERRALD: Gender Non-specific Queen 

[00:32:45] CHELSEY DONN: Gender non specific adapt energized queen.

[00:32:49] TREY GERRALD: Jani Queen. Bye.

[00:32:52] CHELSEY DONN: Bye.

[00:32:55] Voiceover: Sign up directly on Apple Podcasts to hear our weekly, members only aftershow. Unlock additional benefits when you become a Patreon member at reviewthatreview. com slash Patreon. Follow us on all the socials at TheReviewQueens and join our mailing list at reviewthatreview. com. Our Kvetch line is open 24 7 at 1 850 REVIEW ZERO.

You never visit, you never write, give us a call. Now!

[00:33:22] TREY GERRALD: Sonic. 

[00:33:24] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah.

no, no, that's, I think that's, uh, Mario?

or I, I guess it's Mario. It's a me a Mario, right? I heard that he I don't think he never says that. I don't know why we say it.

[00:33:39] TREY GERRALD: Oh, this is a weird Mandela effect.

[00:33:41] CHELSEY DONN: That's like, yeah, Mandela effect thing or whatever it is, where it's like, he apparently

never 

[00:33:46] TREY GERRALD: say Mandela?

[00:33:48] CHELSEY DONN: wait, what is it?

Mandela, what

is it? 

[00:33:51] TREY GERRALD: I said the Mandela Effect. You said, yeah. Mandela

[00:33:57] CHELSEY DONN: We're dealing with a sound delay, the, the Mandela

[00:34:02] TREY GERRALD: right?

[00:34:02] CHELSEY DONN: it's a me, a Mario, is that not a real thing?

[00:34:05] TREY GERRALD: I don't 

[00:34:06] CHELSEY DONN: Why did we say that, like our whole lives?

[00:34:08] TREY GERRALD: I don't know. But Luigi had a 

[00:34:10] CHELSEY DONN: What was the Sonic sound again? I'm forgetting, my sister had Sonic. do do do do do do do do is that it no

[00:34:17] TREY GERRALD: That sounded like do do do do do do do do do do do do do, I 

[00:34:21] CHELSEY DONN: what was the sonic sound

[00:34:23] TREY GERRALD: I don't remember, but I loved Sonic, I used to play it,

[00:34:25] CHELSEY DONN: that was the coins yeah i used to play it too oh that was fun back in the day all right

See you on the after show queens

[00:34:34] TREY GERRALD: Excuse me, just had some 

[00:34:36] CHELSEY DONN: Trey, gross


Review That Review is an independent podcast. Certain names have been redacted or changed to protect the guilty. Executive produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound designed by me with voiceover talents by Eva Kaminsky. Our cover art was designed by LogoVora and our theme song was written by Joe Kinosian and sung by Natalie Weiss.


 

Commenti


bottom of page