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TRANSCRIPT of Episode 160: "Nude Beach: 1 vs 5 Stars"

Review That Review with Chelsey & Trey
Episode 160: "Nude Beach: 1 vs 5 Stars"


*Please pardon any and all spelling errors!


[00:00:00] TREY GERRALD: Like broken shells and pebbles.

[00:00:02] CHELSEY DONN: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[00:00:09] TREY GERRALD: Is it like listening, is it like you're talking to your relatives, Chelsey? It's so accurate. Okay.

[00:00:14] CHELSEY DONN: great.

[00:00:18] THEME SONG: Everybody's got an opinion.

Every Californian and Virginian.

It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.

Someone's gotta settle the score.

Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!

Whose views win, which ones lose.

Online haters are comin' for you!

Baby, it's time to Review That Review!

[00:00:47] TREY GERRALD: Hello.

[00:00:51] CHELSEY DONN: Oh my

[00:00:52] TREY GERRALD: Hello, and welcome to Review That Review. We are the podcast that is dedicated to reviewing.

[00:01:01] CHELSEY DONN: Reviews!

[00:01:03] TREY GERRALD: That is a very JWoww. Chelsey 

[00:01:07] CHELSEY DONN: And that is a very Snooki, Trey Gerrald! Oh my

[00:01:12] TREY GERRALD: And when we come together here on the Jersey Shore, we are,

[00:01:16] VOICEOVER: The review, Queens

[00:01:20] TREY GERRALD: wait, I have, okay, so Chelsey and I have dressed up.

[00:01:23] CHELSEY DONN: You're giving like, Snooki meets Amy Winehouse.

[00:01:27] TREY GERRALD: I know, I combined two wigs with zip ties,

[00:01:31] CHELSEY DONN: Oh my god,

[00:01:31] CHELSEY DONN: it's so 

[00:01:32] TREY GERRALD: very extreme, and I wanted to have a hat on like you have, But then I thought you wouldn't see the bump,

[00:01:37] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, I know. I was like, I'll go for a Snooki Jwoww combo because sometimes Snooki does the hat too.

[00:01:43] TREY GERRALD: my earring has fallen off, hold on,

[00:01:45] CHELSEY DONN: Oh my god, Trey. That's like not even earring. That's like a wire hanger.

[00:01:50] TREY GERRALD: Well, I made these out of, um, solder wires, So that they would be large enough, But 

[00:01:56] CHELSEY DONN: Trey is wearing humongous hoops. Of course, he is donning an adorable pink little headband crown. The nails are excellent. They're the nail gloves, back for a turn, and there's so much jewelry happening. We have a whole leopard, like, number. There's like a gold necklace going on. Trey, you look good enough to smush.

[00:02:18] TREY GERRALD: I'm mixing my metals, So, okay, so, I had never watched Jersey Shore, I literally asked David if there was a catchphrase, I don't know it, I think it's, Jim Tan, GT something, 

[00:02:28] CHELSEY DONN: Jim Tan Laundry. 

[00:02:29] TREY GERRALD: Laundry, right? Um, all I know is that Snooki got punched in the face and that on television. And I also know that she was a guest when I was in the audience of Wendy Williams once, and she gave 

[00:02:40] CHELSEY DONN: How you 

[00:02:40] TREY GERRALD: free perfume.

[00:02:42] TREY GERRALD: How you know her?

[00:02:43] CHELSEY DONN: doin

[00:02:44] TREY GERRALD: The Snooki perfume, even though she didn't want to be called Snooki. Her perfume was still called Snooki.

[00:02:50] CHELSEY DONN: I think she then embraced it after a while. You know, she just is Snooki.

[00:02:55] CHELSEY DONN: Okay, so we're sort of spoiling. Well, no, what am I saying? I always forget that you guys can see the subject of the review. I can't. But

[00:03:04] CHELSEY DONN: you can. So you already know that this week we're doing something very sauntry sultry,

[00:03:11] CHELSEY DONN: and we're going to a nude beach.

[00:03:14] TREY GERRALD: But before we get to the nude Jersey Shore 

[00:03:17] CHELSEY DONN: Yes. 

[00:03:18] TREY GERRALD: Chelsey, is there anything that you would like to

[00:03:20] VOICEOVER: Lodge a complaint.

[00:03:22] TREY GERRALD: about today?

[00:03:23] CHELSEY DONN: Well, yes, Trey, I would. So before I hopped on this wonderful recording with this lovely, beautiful human across from me today,

[00:03:31] CHELSEY DONN: I got, Snooki. I got another phone call from NYU

[00:03:37] CHELSEY DONN: asking for donations.

[00:03:40] TREY GERRALD: I can't.

[00:03:40] CHELSEY DONN: Can we stop? I feel like we should just know I'm not in a donations place, NYU, for so many reasons. I'm not gonna donate money.

[00:03:50] CHELSEY DONN: Maybe if I was extremely successful and a huge celebrity, poo poo poo, God willing, I would think about donating to a very specific

[00:04:00] CHELSEY DONN: thing at NYU, but I'm not in a position to just be donating regularly. And I don't know how many times I need to say it. It's like, they don't stop. They have a student on the line that just makes me feel bad.

[00:04:14] CHELSEY DONN: Like, Oh, you know, they're not going to get through college if it's not for me. And I'm just like, honey, you're calling the wrong person. You know, like I'm doing you a favor by saying, go to somebody else. We're still paying off my college.

[00:04:27] TREY GERRALD: My answer is not changing.

[00:04:29] CHELSEY DONN: My answer is not changing, just like you should just put an asterisk next to my name, unless you like really know my name, then you can call, but if you don't, Then stop calling.

[00:04:39] TREY GERRALD: Well, you know, that's the benefit of having a very weird legal name that you do not answer to or go by because the minute someone says, is Ernest there? I just hang up. Yeah, because I'm like, if you knew me, you wouldn't call me Ernest. No, I totally hear that. I am fortunate that my college for some reason has never called.

[00:04:58] TREY GERRALD: It's never called me.

[00:05:00] CHELSEY DONN: really? Oh my God. They call all the time. I'm sure it's just an NYU

[00:05:04] TREY GERRALD: It might be NYU because I know David gets phone calls from them constantly.

[00:05:08] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, it's just, it's a little bit obnoxious. I'm not going to lie. So that's my complaint. Actually, that kind of works because Jersey Shore was on when we were in college, I think, so we're going, we're in the correct early aughts, as they say.

[00:05:24] TREY GERRALD: We're in the right mood.

[00:05:25] CHELSEY DONN: in the right mood, we're in the right genre, we're in the right time and space. And with that in mind, Trey, should we hop in?

[00:05:34] TREY GERRALD: I think we should. Let's go! Head to head!

[00:05:37] CHELSEY DONN: Let's go tits to tits.

[00:05:40] VOICEOVER: Assess that Keve.

[00:05:41] TREY GERRALD: So, everyone, yes, today is another Versus episode. Here we go. That just means that we are going to cover both a one star and a five star on the same exact topic.

[00:05:51] CHELSEY DONN: That's right, for this versus episode, Trey has selected the 5 star, and I have selected the 1 star. So, to determine who reads first, we gotta flip that quota! I'm gonna guess, right? Okay, I'll guess. I'll say heads.

[00:06:06] TREY GERRALD: It is tails.

[00:06:07] CHELSEY DONN: Okay.

[00:06:08] CHELSEY DONN: All right. Today, as we mentioned, we're collecting data from both ends of the spectrum of Yelp reviews for Jersey Shore, Nude Beach, Gunnison Beach.

[00:06:20] CHELSEY DONN: At the time of this recording, there are 47 reviews on Yelp with an average score of 4. 5 out of 5. According to the good old Wikipedia, it was the discovery of Gunnison Beach's natural seclusion. By park visitors in the late 1970s and early 80s that led to its inception as a nude beach.

[00:06:45] CHELSEY DONN: In 1999, New Jersey passed a law that allows municipalities and counties to prohibit all types of nudism on state or local beaches in their jurisdiction.

[00:06:57] CHELSEY DONN: Gunnison Beach, however, is on land owned and managed by the federal government and therefore is not subject to state or local regulations.

[00:07:07] CHELSEY DONN: Thank goodness. As a result, Gunnison Beach, the only legal.

[00:07:13] CHELSEY DONN: Legal. should be like in caps, nude beach in the state, Gunnison is the largest clothing optional recreation area on the East Coast, the clothing optional beach attracts nearly 5, 000 naturists per weekend in the summer months, that's a lot, No cameras are permitted. So don't put some naked stranger on your Instagram story or in your TikTok video. All right, don't do it. Gunnison Beach ranked 11 out of 100 worldwide for skinny dipping according to mydatingadvisor. com which is a new source for

[00:07:54] TREY GERRALD: Obviously, a reliable source.

[00:07:56] CHELSEY DONN: So with all this background in mind, Trey, let's Jump on in, but before we do, I just, I quickly want to slip into something a little bit more comfortable,

[00:08:04] CHELSEY DONN: one sec, 

[00:08:04] TREY GERRALD: Ooh, Chelsey's doing a quick change. Well, she is wearing a t shirt that has a turquoise bikini on it, which is beautiful. Oh, oh, she has a, so now Chelsey is wearing a different t shirt. This time the bikini, oh, there is no bikini. It's this, 

[00:08:24] CHELSEY DONN: nude, 

[00:08:25] TREY GERRALD: this is now actually new. That is so funny that they would make, you know, So everyone knows those classic t shirts have bikinis on them, but this one is, this is now just nude.

[00:08:34] TREY GERRALD: So she's lost the turquoise bikini and now tits are out. That's why you said tits to tits. Got it.

[00:08:40] CHELSEY DONN: yes, tits to tits, doesn't this look kind of real, I mean, I was sort of surprised,

[00:08:46] TREY GERRALD: Oh, yeah, the belly button looks very real.

[00:08:48] CHELSEY DONN: it's kind of great, anyway,

[00:08:49] TREY GERRALD: Okay. So today Yelp review for Gunnison Beach written by Lucy M. But wait, there's more! We actually discovered, in the research of this episode, Lucy M. has written both a five star and a one star. So today, as an experiment, we are going to be covering both of Lucy's reviews, and we're going to figure out, I don't know, what do we think the truth is?

[00:09:17] TREY GERRALD: Now, the die has landed that we're sharing the five star up top. So, if you want to hear this review The five star was written over 10 years ago, but Lucy's one star review was written four years ago. So if you want to 

[00:09:31] CHELSEY DONN: oh, what a difference a year can make,

[00:09:34] TREY GERRALD: exactly, especially when you're nude. So we will be covering Lucy M's one star and five star, so it's like a double versus episode.

[00:09:42] TREY GERRALD: So if you want the tea, you got to join our Patreon. You can do that at reviewthatreview. com slash patreon. We'll remind you later, but we're going to start today with Lucy M's Five Star Review.

[00:09:52] CHELSEY DONN: All right, let's hear it.

[00:09:54] TREY GERRALD: Hold on, wait, I have to get the accent, hold on.

[00:09:56] CHELSEY DONN: And full disclosure, I

[00:09:57] CHELSEY DONN: did not read this review before. I just saw that Lucy had a five star and a one

[00:10:01] TREY GERRALD: Oh, same, 

[00:10:02] CHELSEY DONN: stopped there, so I don't know what I'm

[00:10:04] TREY GERRALD: And I did not read the one star either. Here we go. I frickin love this beach. Is that right? Is that the right accent? Drawer. I'm from the shore.

[00:10:14] CHELSEY DONN: Jersey Shore,

[00:10:15] TREY GERRALD: We'll just see how it goes. Okay, I'm from the south, sometimes, sometimes it turns Irish, it turns weird. 

[00:10:20] CHELSEY DONN: Whatever. it is, it's 

[00:10:22] TREY GERRALD: Whatever, I'm on the Jersey Shore, give me my schmear and my bagels.

[00:10:24] TREY GERRALD: Okay, here we 

[00:10:25] CHELSEY DONN: right. Here we go.

[00:10:27] TREY GERRALD: My name's Lucy M. Here we go.

[00:10:29] CHELSEY DONN: Here we go.

[00:10:30] TREY GERRALD: I friggin love this beach. I have no idea how I'll go back to non nude beaches from here on out. Everyone is super friendly and welcoming. Me and my friends had total strangers sharing their ice drinks, cigarettes, of course, and even their umbrella shade with us.

[00:10:56] TREY GERRALD: Parentheses. Subs by www. We were two women and one man. It made no difference. It wasn't an environment for singles on the prowl. It's not just a beach. There's a whole community of laid back regulars there. My one friend was a little nervous about getting naked in front of a bunch of strangers. But everyone acts like it's the most natural thing in the world.

[00:11:22] TREY GERRALD: Which it is, after all. Okay, that one felt good, okay. Getting there from Queens was a bit of a trip, and it's helpful to print your directions out beforehand, or to use a GPS. Get there early on weekends. On weekdays, it's not so busy, but there was a decent sized crowd, even on a Tuesday. I can't stress enough to wear sneakers.

[00:11:51] TREY GERRALD: Wearing flip-flops or going barefoot is completely out of the question for the trek from the parking lot.

[00:12:03] TREY GERRALD: From the parking lot to the beach. Parentheses, once you're on the beach, it's fine. only does the sand get scorching hot, SCORCHING HOT! Oh, it's scorching hot. Not only does the sand get scorching hot, but it's chalk full, But it's chalk full, but it's chalk full of sharp debris, like broken shells and pebbles.

[00:12:37] TREY GERRALD: I do

[00:12:43] TREY GERRALD: Is it like listening Is it like you're talking to your relatives, Chelsey? It's so accurate? Okay.

[00:12:48] CHELSEY DONN: great. It's

[00:13:00] TREY GERRALD: Bad, it can be very painful actually, Though the sand and water are a little heavy on the shells and other sediment even on the beach,

[00:13:16] TREY GERRALD: Walking, walk, walking into the water itself can be tricky at first, It can be tricky at first, but it really is lovely, The waves are calm to the point of being barely there, The rangers do enforce the rules of the beach,

[00:13:55] TREY GERRALD: Fines are given and Made, Parentheses, though none on the day I was there, locals say it's usually Guam, in parentheses. And since it's a national, nope, and since it's a national park, bad things are automatically punished more harshly than they would be elsewhere. If you're not stupid or being a creep, you won't have a problem.

[00:14:23] TREY GERRALD: Booze is allowed, but no glass bottles, cigarettes, cigarettes are allowed, but you're encouraged to use shells as ashtrays instead of the sand, sand, sand, which is kind of cool and they are very easy to come by, you take out any garbage,

[00:14:49] TREY GERRALD: You take out any garbage you make, The entrance has bathrooms as well as outdoor shower areas, Both for the body, both for the body that are higher up, And for the feet that are lower to the ground, Parentheses, clothing's mandatory in these areas, in parentheses, They've also got water fountain, nope, fountain, a fountain, water, water, water, They've also got water fountains, Ask for food on the beach, you're on your own, So make sure you bring snacks, can't wait to go back, smiley face,

[00:15:37] CHELSEY DONN: First of all, round of applause for the dialect. That

[00:15:42] TREY GERRALD: I'm a pro.

[00:15:44] CHELSEY DONN: was like Boston meets Jersey meets I don't know what, but it was great and

[00:15:49] TREY GERRALD: Well, halfway through, I, like, remembered she's from Queens, so it should be a Queens accent.

[00:15:54] CHELSEY DONN: It was great. It was lovely. I'm obsessed.

[00:15:56] TREY GERRALD: Lucy, if you're listening to this, I'm sorry.

[00:15:58] CHELSEY DONN: No, Lucy, you're a queen. Okay, where do I even begin? So the part that really got me in the beginning was when she was like, really bring sneakers because

[00:16:08] CHELSEY DONN: like, the sand is very hot, which is true. Like I've, my parents have a house in the Jersey Shore and the sand can get Very hot so that I'll test that but then when she was like and you're gonna step on shells and stones and Sediment, what the hell else is at the beach?

[00:16:22] CHELSEY DONN: I mean like I'm glad that there's a no glass policy

[00:16:26] CHELSEY DONN: I thought from the way that she was leading up to it that it was gonna be like I was stepping on Glass or there's something that's like Unnatural that's there, but it was just really, I got a kick out of the fact that it was like, you're going to want to wear sneakers because there's beach stuff at the beach, Sally sells seashells by the seashore, who would have thought it, you

[00:16:46] CHELSEY DONN: know?

[00:16:47] CHELSEY DONN: Just so funny.

[00:16:49] TREY GERRALD: do think that's very funny. It's like, careful at Walmart because they have a Walmart at the Walmart. But, um, I do get the point because I have been to less populated beaches, more secluded types, where they don't really, like, clean it. And it is, like,

[00:17:06] CHELSEY DONN: More sediment, More

[00:17:08] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, yeah, yeah, 

[00:17:08] TREY GERRALD: Yeah, it was very funny that after going into like how bad it is without sneakers, Lucy then shares, I ignore the recommendation to wear sneakers.

[00:17:18] TREY GERRALD: It's like she was fully told.

[00:17:20] CHELSEY DONN: right, but I think that that's a really great point because it's like a cautionary

[00:17:24] CHELSEY DONN: tale of Maybe you looked on the website and you thought, oh sneakers are for losers and

[00:17:31] CHELSEY DONN: then I'm tough. I'm from Queens.

[00:17:34] CHELSEY DONN: And then you're gonna learn the hard way. So Lucy's like, don't be like me. I think that it's interesting because to me, I was really laughing a lot.

[00:17:41] CHELSEY DONN: I don't know if the intention was to laugh, but I do feel like to steal a term from Lucy. This is chock full of advice.

[00:17:49] TREY GERRALD: Chalk full just makes me think of the those tins of coffee. You know, the chalk full coffee.

[00:17:55] CHELSEY DONN: Oh, talk. I don't know. I don't, you know, I'm not a big coffee

[00:17:58] TREY GERRALD: Oh, that's right. That's right.

[00:17:59] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, I don't know where that expression comes from, but I did like it,

[00:18:02] CHELSEY DONN: especially in your accent.

[00:18:03] TREY GERRALD: well, it's it is very funny because it does read like, A gulp review from 2014. I mean, it's like

[00:18:11] CHELSEY DONN: obviously like the map quest printing or whatever, you know what I mean?

[00:18:14] CHELSEY DONN: Like so funny. 

[00:18:16] TREY GERRALD: I know that in doing research of Gunnison Beach, like it is alcohol free and like you can get in a lot of trouble 

[00:18:23] CHELSEY DONN: Oh, interesting. 

[00:18:24] TREY GERRALD: So that is like that has, has changed. And I would also imagine like you could put two and two together, like if everyone's nude and they're drunk,

[00:18:33] CHELSEY DONN: It probably is

[00:18:34] CHELSEY DONN: not 

[00:18:34] TREY GERRALD: could be dangerous, right?

[00:18:36] TREY GERRALD: What do you think about smoking at the beach? That is so, that is such a time.

[00:18:40] CHELSEY DONN: It just feels so Jersey Shore to me.

[00:18:43] CHELSEY DONN: Of course.

[00:18:44] TREY GERRALD: I guess it's also funny, like, I know this is like a period conversation, but like, if you are smoking, it's funny to sort of be like, oh, shoot, I didn't bring a cigarette ashtray. So let me use this aerial shell. Yeah. And then what do you do with it 

[00:18:58] CHELSEY DONN: that makes sense though, because you could run it. I don't know. I was going to run it in the water, but it's probably really bad for the water,

[00:19:05] TREY GERRALD: But I also can imagine, like, in college days, when people 

[00:19:07] CHELSEY DONN: rinse it off. 

[00:19:08] TREY GERRALD: drinking beer, and they were, like, smoking, because 

[00:19:10] CHELSEY DONN: I don't know. I mean, you think someone's going to bring an ashtray to the beach?

[00:19:14] TREY GERRALD: my point, is I think people never brought ashtrays, they just brought their pack of cigarettes, which is funny, because every car had an ashtray, but cars don't have ashtrays anymore.

[00:19:23] TREY GERRALD: Restaurants don't 

[00:19:23] CHELSEY DONN: don't ash in their car because they don't want their car to stink, so anyway,

[00:19:27] TREY GERRALD: No, but my point here is, in college, I feel like when people were smoking and drinking, because they were college students, it's like, you finish the can of beer, and then you just, like, 

[00:19:34] CHELSEY DONN: oh, ash.

[00:19:35] CHELSEY DONN: into the beer, yeah, yeah, yeah,

[00:19:37] TREY GERRALD: feels very appropriate to the 

[00:19:39] CHELSEY DONN: totally, you're right, you're right, you're right, okay, so should we go through some of the valuable, like, unique tips that are here?

[00:19:46] TREY GERRALD: it's very funny because I feel like Lucy is giving us lots of information, but it's all pretty dumb information. Like, whatever you 

[00:19:54] CHELSEY DONN: it is and some of it I think is, yeah, like, some of it is like, there's beach at the beach, which is just like

[00:19:58] TREY GERRALD: it's also like, whatever trash you make, you have to take it out. Yeah, that's what like a responsible human being does. Why, like, why would you think you could leave your trash on the beach?

[00:20:07] CHELSEY DONN: There's definitely some obvious things, but like, I still

[00:20:10] CHELSEY DONN: like 

[00:20:10] TREY GERRALD: busier on the weekends. No 

[00:20:12] CHELSEY DONN: we're, yeah, right. But I like that we're talking about like, okay, it's a community vibe. It sounds like there's locals that go there that are there like all the time.

[00:20:21] TREY GERRALD: And it's not an environment for singles on the prowl. That's the most 

[00:20:25] CHELSEY DONN: that's the, 

[00:20:26] TREY GERRALD: to me.

[00:20:27] CHELSEY DONN: That's the most useful information in this review,

[00:20:30] CHELSEY DONN: which put a pin in that for the after show, but anyway, oh, this is sort of interesting, I'm like, maybe I should have known this, but like, you can't be nude in the parking lot, you can only be nude on the beach,

[00:20:41] TREY GERRALD: Right, because you're probably not going to be visible on the beach, but you might, I mean, who knows who you're 

[00:20:46] CHELSEY DONN: from the parking lot, That makes sense. I like that they told you to bring snacks, even though, again, that should be obvious, but it's nice to know that it sounds like it's just intentionally, obviously, secluded. So it's not like there's, like, on the Jersey Shore regular beach, you're going to run into, like, an ice cream guy on a cart,

[00:21:05] TREY GERRALD: Right, this is not on a boardwalk. It's intentionally 

[00:21:08] CHELSEY DONN: it's intentionally secluded.

[00:21:09] CHELSEY DONN: So you have to bring your own stuff, which is, I thought, sort of queenly

[00:21:14] TREY GERRALD: know.

[00:21:15] CHELSEY DONN: to know.

[00:21:16] TREY GERRALD: Also, I did notice in looking at other five stars, it does seem like the parking lot is pretty far from the actual, like, shore where you're going to want to sit. So that's also part of the sneaker conversation is like, you are walking a really long way. You're not parking 18 feet from the shore.

[00:21:33] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, I also kind of like it that Lucy likes the beach when it's not so much like the beach, when the waves aren't waving, when the shells aren't shelling, you know.

[00:21:42] TREY GERRALD: But, you know, now that you say that, I think that's how I like the beach too. Cause 

[00:21:45] CHELSEY DONN: No, I get 

[00:21:46] TREY GERRALD: I'd rather go to the pool. The outdoor showers, you have to be 

[00:21:49] CHELSEY DONN: Oh, oh yeah, and by the way, the one on the top is for your head and body and the one on the bottom is for your

[00:21:57] TREY GERRALD: feet.

[00:21:58] CHELSEY DONN: in case you didn't know

[00:21:59] TREY GERRALD: See, that's what I'm saying. Chelsea, she keeps saying like

[00:22:02] CHELSEY DONN: right, like, I mean, but like, still, I don't know why. Even though it's like so obvious and funny, it's endearing.

[00:22:11] CHELSEY DONN: It's kind of endearing 

[00:22:12] TREY GERRALD: and, and because it was like more than 10 years ago, it does make me question when did those double showers pop up on beaches where it 

[00:22:21] CHELSEY DONN: Oh, I feel like they've been there for a while, for like ever, for long enough that she doesn't need to point it out, but it's adorable.

[00:22:27] TREY GERRALD: Alright, I was trying to give her a little, a little bone there, but

[00:22:29] CHELSEY DONN: Oh no, they definitely were around at that point. They were around like forever, as long as I remember being a little kid and being in Florida and them having those.

[00:22:36] CHELSEY DONN: So I know that, I know that they exist.

[00:22:38] CHELSEY DONN: Anyway, even beyond the actual like valuable and not like duh information that Lucy gives. I do think they're trying to provide value.

[00:22:49] TREY GERRALD: No, I still think this is like a, I think it's a queenly review. I think it's because the humor here is like shining of a light onto Lucy's personality. This is, I was sending it up with this fake crazy accent, but, but Lucy is like, you know, like my friend was nervous and like they had a 

[00:23:05] CHELSEY DONN: Right. Oh, that was another one. That was another

[00:23:07] TREY GERRALD: yes, and like, Saying, like, I have no idea how I'll ever go to a non nude beach after this makes me think that maybe this was one of Lucy's first experiences as well at a nude beach.

[00:23:19] TREY GERRALD: I do find it to be spell checked. It has many paragraphs. It does feel thoughtful.

[00:23:26] CHELSEY DONN: Intentional.

[00:23:27] TREY GERRALD: Yeah. And the truth, I think, pointing out, like, oh my god, my feet, here I am, I'm telling you, like, don't 

[00:23:34] CHELSEY DONN: Right. Cautionary tale. 

[00:23:36] TREY GERRALD: makes me think it could be common, too.

[00:23:39] CHELSEY DONN: I definitely think it could be common when going to the beach that you might step on some shells. I also just think that Lucy did a really good job of like painting, in my mind, painting the picture of like the type of people you can expect to be at the beach, both by describing the other people and also talking about her own group.

[00:24:00] CHELSEY DONN: I feel like I have, I'm going to get some locals, I'm going to get some Lucys from Queens and Friends, probably in their 20s.

[00:24:08] TREY GERRALD: That's funny because I also imagine them to be like in their 20s or so, you know, can we guarantee that the locals are always going to be this welcoming, I don't know, but like to be sharing ice and stuff, I think there's a strong impact for me, I feel like it will be welcoming and like besides the sneakers, everything is pretty fucking awesome,

[00:24:25] CHELSEY DONN: right. I think I really like Lucy. I found her really funny, and I'm pretty sure I could go into the crowning if you can.

[00:24:30] TREY GERRALD: Yeah, I feel that way too, All right, before we crown Chelsey, Guess what? It is GAME TIME!

[00:24:42] TREY GERRALD: Are you a nudist or a prudist? Alright, Chelsey, so today, the game that I have created, this one of a kind, never before played game, is Are you a nudist or are you a prudist?

[00:24:57] CHELSEY DONN: are you nude or are you prude?

[00:24:58] TREY GERRALD: I'm gonna tell you a celebrity, and you're gonna tell me if they have ever been linked in the public eye as being a naturalist, a. k.

[00:25:06] TREY GERRALD: a. a proclivity to being a nudist, or no, they're just a prudist. so much.

[00:25:11] CHELSEY DONN: Ooh, okay.

[00:25:12] TREY GERRALD: Okay, so you'll say nude or prude. You ready?

[00:25:14] CHELSEY DONN: Nude or prude? Yeah.

[00:25:16] TREY GERRALD: Is this a nudist or is this a prudist? Put my clothes on, don't look! Alright, round one. Chelsey, has Jamie Lee Curtis

[00:25:29] CHELSEY DONN: Hmm,

[00:25:30] TREY GERRALD: ever been considered a nudist?

[00:25:36] CHELSEY DONN: I think, yes, she just reads nudist to me. No, Trey, you're

[00:25:44] CHELSEY DONN: tricking 

[00:25:44] TREY GERRALD: I made that up. Alright, Chelsey, is Celine Dion a nude or a prude?

[00:25:54] CHELSEY DONN: I might be bad at this game because I'm going to say rude. Ah, good for you, Celine.

[00:26:02] TREY GERRALD: you love her even fuckin more? 

[00:26:03] CHELSEY DONN: Yes. We love

[00:26:06] TREY GERRALD: Yeah, so Celine Dion has been linked with enjoying being free.

[00:26:11] CHELSEY DONN: Okay.

[00:26:12] TREY GERRALD: Would you consider Brad Pitt a nudist or a prudist?

[00:26:17] CHELSEY DONN: God, I can't tell if you're just trying to trick me because of course, of course, I want to say nude. I'm going to say nude. I'm wrong. I'm, thank

[00:26:29] TREY GERRALD: That's right, Brad Pitt 

[00:26:31] CHELSEY DONN: I mean, why would you or Brad Pitt? Wouldn't you be nude

[00:26:33] CHELSEY DONN: all the time? Hello?

[00:26:36] TREY GERRALD: Okay, Chelsey, former TV talk show host, Ricky Lake, nudist or prudist?

[00:26:47] CHELSEY DONN: Nudist, for sure nudist. What? She's such a hippie. Are you sure?

[00:26:54] TREY GERRALD: I just made her up, her name came to me, and I put her on the list, there's nothing on the internet that proves,

[00:27:00] CHELSEY DONN: surprising to me. I feel like I've even heard, I follow her on Instagram and I feel like I've even heard her talk about this and like her journey

[00:27:08] TREY GERRALD: That's very funny, well if that is so, literally her name just popped out of nowhere to me and I thought, Ricky Lake is so funny, So if she is a nudist, that's circumstance.

[00:27:19] CHELSEY DONN: Okay. Sure.

[00:27:20] CHELSEY DONN: Yes. 

[00:27:21] TREY GERRALD: Justin Timberlake, nude or prude?

[00:27:24] CHELSEY DONN: Hmm. I'm going to say prude just because it's unexpected. What the hell? Trey, sometimes I don't know if you're trying to trick me or not.

[00:27:35] TREY GERRALD: Justin Timberlake was on this list.

[00:27:38] CHELSEY DONN: Okay.

[00:27:40] TREY GERRALD: Okay, Chelsey, seven degrees. Is Kevin Bacon a nudist or a prudist?

[00:27:50] CHELSEY DONN: Nudist?

[00:27:51] TREY GERRALD: Very good, not just in Wild Things.

[00:27:54] CHELSEY DONN: yes. Okay, I got two right.

[00:27:56] TREY GERRALD: That's right. Dame Helen Mirren, nudist or 

[00:27:59] CHELSEY DONN: Mmm. Nudist.

[00:28:07] TREY GERRALD: correct! Alright, another former TV talk show host, Chelsey. Has Sally Jesse Raphael been linked as a nudist or a prudist?

[00:28:22] CHELSEY DONN: I'm gonna say prudest.

[00:28:25] TREY GERRALD: Yes, good job, you're right! I might have revealed my hand, but Ricky Lake came to me and I thought that was so funny, and then I was 

[00:28:32] CHELSEY DONN: Rikki Lee could definitely be real. We're going to have to do a recount at the end of this episode.

[00:28:36] TREY GERRALD: then I was like, oh my god, Sally Jesse Raphael, I have to include Sally 

[00:28:39] CHELSEY DONN: Hilarious. I love her. I actually, I had

[00:28:42] CHELSEY DONN: a character in one of the pilots that I wrote that was named Sally Jesser, Jesse Raphael, an animal.

[00:28:49] TREY GERRALD: That's funny. All right, we have two remaining and then I do have a bonus round. Okay. Chelsea,

[00:28:54] CHELSEY DONN: I think I'm tied as of now, right?

[00:28:56] TREY GERRALD: you are four to four.

[00:28:57] CHELSEY DONN: Okay.

[00:29:00] TREY GERRALD: Oh, yeah.

[00:29:06] CHELSEY DONN: Stevie Wonder? I, I, did

[00:29:10] TREY GERRALD: so offended. Christina. Aguilera, nudist or Pist?

[00:29:14] CHELSEY DONN: seen Aguilera?

[00:29:15] TREY GERRALD: I growled. I went, oh hey. Whoa.

[00:29:26] CHELSEY DONN: Nudist. 

[00:29:28] TREY GERRALD: How'd you know that?

[00:29:30] CHELSEY DONN: I just felt it.

[00:29:31] TREY GERRALD: I can't believe you thought that was Stevie fucking Wonder!

[00:29:34] CHELSEY DONN: Oh, yeah. That was pretty

[00:29:42] TREY GERRALD: Stevie, is that you?

[00:29:47] TREY GERRALD: I don't think they've probably vocally ever been considered the same. Do you see what I'm doing?

[00:29:52] CHELSEY DONN: See if you

[00:29:52] CHELSEY DONN: wonder. 

[00:29:55] TREY GERRALD: Okay, that's a joke for Patreon. right. All right. This is our final one before the bonus, Chelsey,

[00:30:02] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah.

[00:30:03] TREY GERRALD: Dr. Seuss, nudist or 

[00:30:05] CHELSEY DONN: Ooh. I'm going to say nudist because if you thought that up, I think that's really good. Okay.

[00:30:14] CHELSEY DONN: Woo. 

[00:30:16] TREY GERRALD: Okay, but here we go. So you have, you have two more right than you have wrong. So this will just be for fun because you win. So, famous, television, pundit, nepotism, and Republican. Megan McCain, nudist or prudist? HOOOOOOO! No,

[00:30:37] CHELSEY DONN: just because it'd be so surprising. I'm

[00:30:47] CHELSEY DONN: raw. That was a good try. That was

[00:30:49] TREY GERRALD: sh I'm like, I can't believe that you thought my Christina Aguilera was Stevie Wonder. I'm like really 

[00:30:55] CHELSEY DONN: I don't think I, I don't think I meant Stevie Wonder, actually. I think I meant Little Richie. Which is not at all

[00:31:05] CHELSEY DONN: safe. 

[00:31:06] TREY GERRALD: I guess I could see that, maybe.

[00:31:07] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, sorry.

[00:31:08] TREY GERRALD: Well, Chelsey, all that means is you win!

[00:31:11] CHELSEY DONN: Woo! I'm a winner! I'm a nudist, not a prudist.

[00:31:16] TREY GERRALD: I'm so proud of you.

[00:31:18] CHELSEY DONN: Thank you.

[00:31:20] VOICEOVER: Review That Review!

[00:31:26] TREY GERRALD: Alright, so I feel confident now from that epic win, That me as Stevie Wonder, I'm ready to crown. you ready to crown, Christina?

[00:31:35] CHELSEY DONN: Yes, I am. Let's do

[00:31:36] TREY GERRALD: Alright, let's do it. So, Chelsey and I each have our own set of zero to five 

[00:31:39] CHELSEY DONN: I'm a genie in a bottle.

[00:31:42] TREY GERRALD: Oh, Chelsey and I each have our own set of crown cards, In an effort to not be influenced by one another, We will equally, simultaneously, reveal our ratings, Oh, you shady, shady, 

[00:32:08] CHELSEY DONN: That's right. And this is why Natalie Weiss sings our theme song. It's true. It's true, though.

[00:32:16] TREY GERRALD: You in those fucking sunglasses and me in this fucking 

[00:32:19] CHELSEY DONN: It's fucking true, though. All right, let's get into the ratings.

[00:32:23] VOICEOVER: The Queens are tabulating. Total score.

[00:32:30] CHELSEY DONN: Okay, I'm holding up four crowns. Trey is holding up four and a half crowns. I mean, here's why I'm taking away the crown, which I don't really know if it's fully their fault, but some of the information that's useful is no longer relevant.

[00:32:46] CHELSEY DONN: And some of the information that's useful is also obvious. That being said,

[00:32:52] CHELSEY DONN: I really just much of the information that's useful is, is obvious, but I still like the overall tenor of the review.

[00:33:02] CHELSEY DONN: I like them. I do think they touch on things that I wanted to know about. Like if I feel a little. Uncomfortable there, am I gonna be like the only person at the beach that's a little gun shy, no pun intended, and I found out that I'm not, so I think that there are answers to questions that people on Yelp might have within this review, and that's why I rated it so high at four. Why did you go with four and a half?

[00:33:26] TREY GERRALD: I mean, it could be Review Queen for me. I do feel like there's only good that's intended here. And there is a lot of like useful information because like maybe you might not consider like there will be no ice cream truck, there will be no way to bring a snack, but I don't know, there's something about it that does feel a little bit like yeah, no shit, like it's a beach, it's gonna be beachy, but I also then conversely also recognize it's like it's a less populated, they aren't grooming this beach, so it is gonna have like pebbles and like there's gonna be sharp stuff because there aren't millions of people walking on every day, this isn't like Miami Beach, but I don't know, I'm just sort of like, uh?

[00:34:00] TREY GERRALD: Ultimately, so that's why it's at four and a half.

[00:34:03] CHELSEY DONN: Really great review. I enjoyed that. I'm so wondering how we, how like this is the same person as the review you're about to hear, because it is, without giving too much away, so different, like night and day.

[00:34:17] TREY GERRALD: All right. Well, that's weird. So I'm excited because this is the first time we're doing this, the opposite ends from the same user. So if you want to hear this flip side of the story from Lucy M for the Gunnison Beach and the Jersey Shore. Then you know what you gotta do, you gotta go over to our Patreon.

[00:34:33] TREY GERRALD: Chelsey, where do they find that?

[00:34:35] CHELSEY DONN: ReviewThatReview. com slash

[00:34:37] CHELSEY DONN: Patreon.

[00:34:38] CHELSEY DONN: Love

[00:34:39] TREY GERRALD: Alright, well 

[00:34:39] CHELSEY DONN: we did 

[00:34:40] TREY GERRALD: That's another round here on the Jersey Shore, Are you a RQ Ferris Wheel of, uh, top showers and bottom showers for the top part of your body and the bottom part of your feet?

[00:34:49] CHELSEY DONN: Thank you for joining us today. Were you gymming? Were you tanning? Were you laundering when you were listening to this? However you were listening to this, we love you, we appreciate you. If you like what you heard, please do us a favor, tell a friend.

[00:35:03] TREY GERRALD: And if you did not like what you heard, were you not gemming, were you not tanning, were you not doing laundry, were you not entertained, like what other way, however else, like we love you, and so then go ahead and tell an enemy, because we hate whoever you hate too, 

[00:35:17] CHELSEY DONN: Right, right, right. Or maybe we love who you hate because you're a hater.

[00:35:23] TREY GERRALD: heard, yeah, ooh,

[00:35:26] CHELSEY DONN: On this week's after show pod, we are both taking a spin on the Meryl Go

[00:35:31] CHELSEY DONN: Round as well as, of course, reviewing the opposite Lucy, Lucy on opposite day when she decided to go for the one star. And I wonder why this was said. Two years ago, my then boyfriend, 6'4 250

[00:35:49] CHELSEY DONN: pounds, Was cornered by a man in the bathroom who forced him to watch him masturbate. Hmm, hmm, hmm,

[00:36:00] TREY GERRALD: hmm, JWoww, this is Snooki, also wondering why that got said, hmm, JWoww, well, we're gonna, hmm, well,

[00:36:13] CHELSEY DONN: this, you can tell we know a lot about Jersey Shore, both of us, because we're like, what are our names

[00:36:18] CHELSEY DONN: again? 

[00:36:19] TREY GERRALD: and um,

[00:36:20] CHELSEY DONN: What's the situation

[00:36:21] TREY GERRALD: the show, I was like the six pack, but no, it's such a weird, anywho y'all, we just really want you to remember,

[00:36:26] CHELSEY DONN: Ignore the haters, you're a queen,

[00:36:29] TREY GERRALD: nonspecific, JW and Snookie Queens,

[00:36:34] CHELSEY DONN: gender non specific, either way, let your tits out, queen. Bye!

[00:36:40] TREY GERRALD: boy.

[00:36:43] VOICEOVER: Sign up directly on Apple Podcast to hear our weekly members only after show Unlock additional benefits when you become a Patreon slash patreon. Follow us on all the socials at the review queens and join our mailing Arc vetch line is open 24 7 at 1 8 5 0 review zero.

[00:37:02] VOICEOVER: Don't be a ana. Call the kvetch line today.

[00:37:07] CHELSEY DONN: You look fabulous. I can't stop touching my tits in this shirt here.

[00:37:12] CHELSEY DONN: This is amazing. I wish this was real life, not gonna lie, but I feel like I need to get a boob lift, a boob job, I guess the lift comes with the job, a tummy tuck to get this

[00:37:24] CHELSEY DONN: to happen. 

[00:37:25] TREY GERRALD: what size cup do you think those are?

[00:37:27] CHELSEY DONN: I think this is like a really lovely, like, D double D.

[00:37:31] CHELSEY DONN: It's not like too big. It's perfect.

[00:37:34] TREY GERRALD: Well, that's the problem with like big jugs is like they don't sit like that.

[00:37:39] CHELSEY DONN: Right.

[00:37:39] TREY GERRALD: This is gonna be 

[00:37:40] CHELSEY DONN: unless you had a boob job. 

[00:37:42] TREY GERRALD: Exactly. They have to 

[00:37:43] CHELSEY DONN: have a boob job, they sit like that, I want my boobs to sit like this, you guys, oh,

[00:37:47] TREY GERRALD: breasts are just fat. Right.

[00:37:49] CHELSEY DONN: I don't know, there's muscle in there somewhere, your pectorals,

[00:37:53] TREY GERRALD: So when they put no, 'cause they put it under the muscle, right? Like a. silicone or whatever so

[00:37:58] CHELSEY DONN: I don't, yeah, I don't know why it works, but it sounds great, but it also sounds kind of painful,

[00:38:03] TREY GERRALD: want to get i want to get like this area under my chin lifted

[00:38:07] CHELSEY DONN: maybe we need to make our next one in five a plastic surgeon,

[00:38:10] TREY GERRALD: oh that's a good have we not done 

[00:38:12] CHELSEY DONN: right? We've not done that, we should definitely do that.

[00:38:15] TREY GERRALD: all right 

[00:38:16] CHELSEY DONN: see you on Queens on friday

[00:38:17] CHELSEY DONN: if you want to hear the other side of the Lucy story, if you're still listening and you haven't turned this off yet, you gotta get over to ReviewThatReview. com slash Patreon and we will see you Queens on Friday,

[00:38:30] TREY GERRALD: sea crest out

[00:38:32] CHELSEY DONN: Seacrest out.

Review That Review is an independent podcast. Certain names have been redacted or changed to protect the guilty. Executive produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound designed by me with voiceover talents by Eva Kaminsky. Our cover art was designed by LogoVora and our theme song was written by Joe Kinosian and sung by Natalie Weiss.



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