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TRANSCRIPT of Episode 161: "Nathan's Famous Hotdogs - 1 Star Review"



Review That Review with Chelsey & Trey
Episode 161: "Nathan's Famous Hotdogs - 1 Star Review"

Transcription


*Please pardon any and all spelling errors!


[00:00:00] TREY GERRALD: Chelsey's tickle box has been literally kicked over.

[00:00:03] CHELSEY DONN: Okay, I'm sorry...



[00:00:11] THEME SONG: Everybody's got an opinion.

Every Californian and Virginian.

It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.

Someone's gotta settle the score.

Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!

Whose views win, which ones lose.

Online haters are comin' for you!

Baby, it's time to Review That Review!


[00:00:40] CHELSEY DONN: Hello,

[00:00:42] TREY GERRALD: Well, hello and welcome to Review That Review. We are the podcast that is dedicated to reviewing.

[00:00:50] CHELSEY DONN: Reviews, my boy,

[00:00:54] TREY GERRALD: That's my dog, Chelsey Donn.

[00:00:57] CHELSEY DONN: and there's my patriotic dog, Trey Gerrald,

[00:01:00] TREY GERRALD: But just call us the patriots that are.

[00:01:02] VOICEOVER: The Review Queens, You

[00:01:08] TREY GERRALD: of July episode.

[00:01:10] CHELSEY DONN: It is the 4th of July episode, We have officially reached, I think, the pinnacle of the summer, right, like the 4th of July, that's when it all starts, Happy July 3rd, Happy Arab July 4th,

[00:01:23] TREY GERRALD: all I have to say on the 4th of July is cuz I'm a patriotic boy,

[00:01:31] CHELSEY DONN: Wow, Trey, you're giving such macho vibes right now. It's making me a little, okay so Trey really delivered today. He is wearing like a blonde long wig and then he has a backwards like a camo military 

[00:01:47] TREY GERRALD: I love guns, gimme guns,

[00:01:50] CHELSEY DONN: very emo and then like sort of contrasted by like an off the shoulder

[00:01:57] CHELSEY DONN: flowy American flag tunic y top.

[00:02:02] TREY GERRALD: well, this is a female top, it has two openings,

[00:02:06] CHELSEY DONN: Oh wow, that's a whole different look. Wow, you could be sleeveless or sleeve with a little peek a boo, 

[00:02:13] TREY GERRALD: peek a boo, 

[00:02:14] CHELSEY DONN: which, who doesn't love a peek a boo, that's a very nice top, Trey, I realized before we started recording, I've had such a crazy busy week that I didn't even order anything 4th of July, I was like, oh, surely I have something, and then I didn't, so I really had to put together this ensemble for you, 

[00:02:30] TREY GERRALD: Chelsey has a cute red ribbon that's sort of tied like a little, what do you call that?

[00:02:35] CHELSEY DONN: I don't even know, I'm ass caught, I don't 

[00:02:36] TREY GERRALD: like,

[00:02:37] TREY GERRALD: an ascot, with a white shirt and blue denim jacket, it's very

[00:02:41] TREY GERRALD: 4th of July as well. 

[00:02:42] CHELSEY DONN: feel like they wouldn't kick me out of the party for this. I'd hope.

[00:02:45] VOICEOVER: look like the 4th of July, Makes me want a hot dog real bad,

[00:02:53] TREY GERRALD: Happy 4th of July, are you gonna eat a hot

[00:02:54] TREY GERRALD: dog? 

[00:02:55] CHELSEY DONN: course, I'm gonna eat a hot dog. Wouldn't be a 4th of July without hot dogs. Am I right?

[00:03:00] TREY GERRALD: Hebrew National,

[00:03:01] CHELSEY DONN: Get yourself a few drinks and let it all out, Queen. Would you like to?

[00:03:07] VOICEOVER: Lodge a complaint,

[00:03:08] TREY GERRALD: why yes I would. You know, uh, I have to drop the deep voice because it's just not natural for me, and I'm not in my teens anymore, I don't have to pretend.

[00:03:16] CHELSEY DONN: Oh,

[00:03:16] TREY GERRALD: Today, it's very fitting that you're wearing

[00:03:19] TREY GERRALD: denim because when I think of America, I do think of Levi jeans, I think

[00:03:27] TREY GERRALD: of denim. I don't know if we invented it, but I think we did. I don't know, is Levi German? I don't

[00:03:32] TREY GERRALD: know. Who knows? Anyway.

[00:03:34] CHELSEY DONN: Feels American. 

[00:03:35] TREY GERRALD: I think it's American. right? Yeah, I think

[00:03:37] CHELSEY DONN: Levi 

[00:03:37] TREY GERRALD: Well, 

[00:03:39] CHELSEY DONN: Sounds German.

[00:03:39] TREY GERRALD: sound American. Well, regardless, it's not necessarily about Levi. Today, I need to lodge a complaint against something that, once again, this is going to be a little vulnerable, because I don't think this happens

[00:03:50] TREY GERRALD: to everyone. But, um, as someone who is chewky and still wears tight fitting jeans, I'm going

[00:03:57] CHELSEY DONN: was founded in San Francisco, California. Sorry, Levi Strauss Co., America. Okay, logical.

[00:04:03] TREY GERRALD: I'm going to lodge a complaint against ripped belt loops.

[00:04:09] CHELSEY DONN: I mean, I don't even wear belts, but I hear ya.

[00:04:11] TREY GERRALD: Okay, so, it generally only happens to me in my tight fitting jeans, and that's from trying to yank them up, because they're so form fitting, and then, you know, I do purchase a lot of, I don't even buy Levi's anymore, there was a period of time when I did, but, I buy denim that has enough spandex in them, so, um, I'm yanking up, and then, denim is, is, is tight, it's taut, it's like hard, the spandex is a little less so, so then when you yank too hard, the stitch comes out, and what's really annoying, cause I do wear belts always,

[00:04:41] CHELSEY DONN: work or in 

[00:04:42] TREY GERRALD: you have a broke, and always, even when I wear denim shorts in the summer, I always wear a belt.

[00:04:48] CHELSEY DONN: You're, you're that much of a belt guy?

[00:04:50] TREY GERRALD: Well, yeah, because I don't want to be yanking my pants up all

[00:04:53] CHELSEY DONN: Wow, Trey. I'm still learning new things about you. It's amazing to me. All right, continue.

[00:04:58] TREY GERRALD: It's amazing to me that you don't wear

[00:04:59] CHELSEY DONN: Never wear a belt. 

[00:05:00] TREY GERRALD: I thought everyone wore belts. 

[00:05:02] CHELSEY DONN: can't be bothered with a belt personally.

[00:05:04] TREY GERRALD: Well, okay. What happens is when you are missing a belt loop because it's been ripped off, either you have to cut the other part of the loop that didn't rip

[00:05:15] TREY GERRALD: so that you 

[00:05:16] CHELSEY DONN: so you're just like surpassing that loop. 

[00:05:19] TREY GERRALD: Well, you have to because you've, you've ripped it off.

[00:05:21] TREY GERRALD: So the belt then when you wear it, it's like going over and then you have this like weird space between

[00:05:29] CHELSEY DONN: One.

[00:05:29] TREY GERRALD: the sagging jeans and like the belt that's continuing on the path from

[00:05:34] TREY GERRALD: the other loops. And then it like is so awful. And inevitably it happens to me. I've probably done this three times in my life.

[00:05:40] TREY GERRALD: And then those jeans, I just can't wear them anymore because it's always going to like

[00:05:45] TREY GERRALD: gape. It's always going to gape in that mathematical equation of only putting six loops on pants when

[00:05:52] TREY GERRALD: you lose one. 

[00:05:53] CHELSEY DONN: lack of pants loops, Belts losing every time,

[00:05:57] TREY GERRALD: Yeah, it's like anything that has casters, anything that has casters, like a table or a filing cabinet, once

[00:06:04] TREY GERRALD: you lose one of the four, 

[00:06:05] CHELSEY DONN: you're screwed,

[00:06:06] TREY GERRALD: that's exactly what happens to your pants when you miss, when you have a broken belt loop, so I have to, I have to complain about it, it's very frustrating, in honor of San Francisco, Levi Strauss, I just have

[00:06:17] TREY GERRALD: to lodge this complaint about ripping belt loops on denim.

[00:06:22] TREY GERRALD: Could be dress pants too, I've never done it, but for this 4th of July, so that is my complaint. Chelsey, what's there for you?

[00:06:27] CHELSEY DONN: very fair. I like that complaint a lot. My question for you, I guess, is Now that I know you to be kind of like a master seamstress, Could you not sew it back on?

[00:06:38] TREY GERRALD: No, I've tried it once before, it just didn't last

[00:06:40] TREY GERRALD: very long, because in order to like, because it's so thin, the belt loop, that you have to sort of go horizontal, and then it's just like you see this like line of stitching, which is like

[00:06:50] TREY GERRALD: really weird, because you can't go up and down, because that's the belt

[00:06:52] TREY GERRALD: loop, and I'm not going to do it by hand, now that I have a

[00:06:56] CHELSEY DONN: I was gonna say you used to do it all by hand,

[00:06:58] TREY GERRALD: I can't imagine doing that anymore.

[00:07:01] CHELSEY DONN: I hear you, I mean anything like that, like you said, I like how you made it universal at the end, like if you have a cabinet or something and it has those little like ping things in it and then you lose one of the pings and then the cabinet, if it's not like weighted, if like it's too heavy on one side, then all of a sudden that side, other side's coming up and it's like a balancing act, I hear you, it's a nightmare.

[00:07:21] TREY GERRALD: And like, where do you buy one of those replacement

[00:07:23] CHELSEY DONN: then, yeah, and even if you say you're gonna buy a replacement or 

[00:07:26] TREY GERRALD: You're 

[00:07:27] CHELSEY DONN: you like use a screw instead because you're like, well this fits, like it's never, it's always a temporary solution and then that's it, that's when you know things have really gotten away from you, so I hear you, so let's pull up our pants, okay, because we're gonna have to hold on tight, But carefully, don't rip them.

[00:07:46] CHELSEY DONN: We need our belts working because we are about to hop right in to a 4th of July online review.

[00:07:54] TREY GERRALD: Let's do it.

[00:07:57] VOICEOVER: Review That Review,

[00:08:01] CHELSEY DONN: As you know, we are your trusty Review Queens. We bring in reviews from the internet that we think need to be inspected.

[00:08:07] TREY GERRALD: We read you a review, we break it down together and rate the impact of that review on a scale from 0 to 5 patriotic crowns. It's a really regal process that we call

[00:08:18] VOICEOVER: Assess That Kvetch, 

[00:08:19] TREY GERRALD: And, Chelsey, you have the honor of the 4th of July one. So what did you get for us, Diva?

[00:08:25] CHELSEY DONN: Well, as you've been teasing,

[00:08:28] VOICEOVER: me want a hot dog real bad,

[00:08:31] CHELSEY DONN: so when I think of like the most iconic hot dog that I could possibly think of, Trey, I don't know. Actually, I'm gonna ask you, what's the most iconic hot dog in the world, in my opinion? What would you say?

[00:08:45] TREY GERRALD: I was gonna say it just occurred to me that This isn't my answer, but I don't know the name. I think it's like saber,

[00:08:52] TREY GERRALD: but it's like yellow with black. That's like a hot dog. But obviously what occurs to me is Oscar Mayer Wiener.

[00:08:58] CHELSEY DONN: Interesting. See, this is the difference between growing up in the South and growing up in the North. I'm curious to know what you listeners would think if I asked you that question. You can slide into our DMs and let us know or call us.

[00:09:11] TREY GERRALD: Why? What? Wait, let me think.

[00:09:13] CHELSEY DONN: I'm gonna say, like,

[00:09:14] TREY GERRALD: Island?

[00:09:15] CHELSEY DONN: ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, 

[00:09:17] TREY GERRALD: Oh, okay, good. 

[00:09:19] CHELSEY DONN: uh, Spacifics plays on Coney Island.

[00:09:21] TREY GERRALD: Oh, shoot. Um, I think I know this.

[00:09:24] CHELSEY DONN: They do a hot dog contest,

[00:09:27] TREY GERRALD: I don't know. Wait,

[00:09:28] CHELSEY DONN: with an N,

[00:09:30] TREY GERRALD: national

[00:09:31] TREY GERRALD: hot dog? Oh, Nathan's 

[00:09:34] CHELSEY DONN: Famous Hot Dogs, 

[00:09:36] TREY GERRALD: never had. 

[00:09:37] CHELSEY DONN: you've never gone?

[00:09:38] TREY GERRALD: No, but can't you get them anywhere? Like, it's

[00:09:40] TREY GERRALD: not 

[00:09:41] CHELSEY DONN: now you can get them at, yeah, so okay, so it started in Coney Island, I'll read you a little bit of the back story, because I have the information from the business, so Nathan's Famous is an iconic American fast food institution, renowned for its delicious hot dogs and rich history, it was established by Nathan Handwerker.

[00:10:00] CHELSEY DONN: Interesting new product, handworker, handworker products,

[00:10:06] TREY GERRALD: Hand Worker Hot Dogs has a nice ring.

[00:10:09] CHELSEY DONN: oh god, okay, established by Nathan Handworker in 1916 in Coney Island, Brooklyn, the original Nathan's Famous Sand has become a landmark symbolizing The flavor of New York and it's memorable, craveable, and because it's 2024, Instagrammable offerings. The menu has evolved over the years. It now features a variety of items, including burgers, chicken heroes, onion rings, and shakes with a commitment to quality.

[00:10:40] CHELSEY DONN: And a nod to tradition, Nathan's continues to serve up a taste of nostalgia alongside its modern offerings, inviting patrons to make their own history every bite.

[00:10:53] TREY GERRALD: Now, am I correct that Nathan's Hot Dogs colors are green and yellow?

[00:10:58] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah. So it's like a green and yeah, exactly. 

[00:11:01] TREY GERRALD: it does, it does make me think of like, of course, I frequent these all the time. But like, when you go to a sports game, like there's going to be

[00:11:08] TREY GERRALD: Nathan's Hot Dogs. Now that you say that. Yeah.

[00:11:10] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, definitely in New York, I would think. It's just an institution, like, for me, at least, my mom, my parents, my grandparents, my great grandparents all lived in Brooklyn. So, for them, this was, like, a really big deal. Like, my mom has so many, I mean, mom, call in 1 850 REVIEW ZERO and tell us a Nathan story.

[00:11:31] CHELSEY DONN: She has so many stories about going to Nathan's. As a kid, and even like to this day, every once in a while, like every decade, her and my dad will like go out of their way, just to go, 

[00:11:43] TREY GERRALD: That's so 

[00:11:43] CHELSEY DONN: so it definitely means a lot to a lot of people, and it has for a long time,

[00:11:48] TREY GERRALD: your parents don't go out of their way every decade to go to McDonald's so she can burn him with coffee again?

[00:11:53] CHELSEY DONN: Oh, good memory, Trey, No, they 

[00:11:56] TREY GERRALD: That's probably fine.

[00:11:58] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, I think that that part of the relationship is over, Um, if you're interested in that story, you can join the Patreon, So, yeah, Nathan's is an institution for everyone except for Rachel H., but, getting ahead of myself, so, the overall on Yelp is, any guesses?

[00:12:18] TREY GERRALD: I mean, I'm going to say it's probably four something, 4. 2.

[00:12:21] CHELSEY DONN: You would think, right, 

[00:12:23] TREY GERRALD: Oh, 

[00:12:23] CHELSEY DONN: actually 2. 9, 

[00:12:26] TREY GERRALD: Wait. So this is for the original stand in

[00:12:29] TREY GERRALD: Coney 

[00:12:29] CHELSEY DONN: is the original San Antonio, which, you've been to Coney Island or no?

[00:12:33] TREY GERRALD: I've been once before.

[00:12:34] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, it's fun, I used to go like a couple times when I was going to NYU, it's fun, it's like a good thing, to do over the summer.

[00:12:41] TREY GERRALD: the only time I've ever been, we went on the 4th of July.

[00:12:45] CHELSEY DONN: Look at that, Trey! Full circle moment. Okay, so this is Nathan's Famous in its original Coney Island location. Rachel H. is an elite reviewer.

[00:12:57] TREY GERRALD: Uh oh.

[00:12:57] CHELSEY DONN: I say sort of under my breath and y'all, you'll see why in a second, but this is Rachel H. 's One Star. Review of Nathan's Coney Island, 

[00:13:08] TREY GERRALD: On you up. 

[00:13:09] CHELSEY DONN: Anyo,

[00:13:10] TREY GERRALD: All right.

[00:13:11] CHELSEY DONN: Forgotten about with clam chowder flung at you might be a little bit easy to look past seeing they were accidents but adding cold food on top of that is just not right

[00:13:25] TREY GERRALD: What? Clam chowder? Ew. So

[00:13:31] CHELSEY DONN: so we ordered they weren't that busy then we waited about 45 minutes or so for our order watching others Come and go, It became apparent that we were forgotten about, So once we got their attention, They asked why we haven't gotten our food, My answer was, Why don't you tell me?, Oh, well, we already gave this out, Yeah, that might have happened, But you didn't give it to me, The one who paid for it, Oh, okay, I'll get it for you,

[00:14:05] TREY GERRALD: confused.

[00:14:07] CHELSEY DONN: During the whole first wait session, one of the associates went over to get some clam chowder, he then over poured it, getting it on his hand, so I'm assuming it was burning, so he then flung the excess into the air, it went right my way, with some getting on my clothes, the counter, and even more on the floor, this didn't really bother me all that much considering, this

[00:14:34] TREY GERRALD: I'm glad you included it then, Rachel.

[00:14:40] CHELSEY DONN: This didn't really bother me all that much considering I hate clams, I get it was hot and what he did was instinct tells you to do, okay, then forgetting about our order, then questioning it didn't bother me that much either,

[00:15:02] TREY GERRALD: Oh, God.

[00:15:08] CHELSEY DONN: okay, then forgetting, then forgetting about our order, then questioning it didn't bother me that much either as I wasn't in a hurry to go anywhere. The part that was over the top was our cold food, like I didn't expect much from a fast food concept ever, as I hardly ever eat it, and even fewer reviews, it, I can't get through it with one breath, okay,

[00:15:35] TREY GERRALD: and I

[00:15:41] CHELSEY DONN: I didn't expect that much from a fast food concept ever, as I hardly eat it, it, And even fewer review it, as I'd rather spend my money elsewhere, But you can't go to Coney Island and not try Nathan's, Or yes, you can, because this was bad, like bad, bad.

[00:16:00] TREY GERRALD: video!

[00:16:12] CHELSEY DONN: So our food, the onion rings we ordered were cold, soggy, And just pathetically bad, clearly they were sitting for a very long time. The Hell's Kitchen burger wasn't spicy, it was cold and mediocre, and definitely the second worst thing we ordered,

[00:16:31] CHELSEY DONN: as it just needed more sauce, jalapenos, and to be hot, the chili cheese dog was also cold and underwhelming,

[00:16:38] TREY GERRALD: Wow.

[00:16:39] CHELSEY DONN: the only good part of it, the

[00:16:45] TREY GERRALD: Chelsea's tickle box has been literally kicked over. Hot dog

[00:16:53] CHELSEY DONN: only good part of it was the hot dog had that snap to it, That I always look for when getting what? Okay.

[00:17:10] CHELSEY DONN: Overall, this was a terrible experience.

[00:17:14] TREY GERRALD: end.

[00:17:17] CHELSEY DONN: Overall, this was a terrible experience at a place that I've heard of for many years and finally got to try. Like, I didn't come in with high expectations, but the expectations I did have weren't this by any means, by B U I, by any means, as this was beyond bad and I've spent a good amount of years working in the food industry. Okay, then we also, I'm gonna send this to you, Trey, because we also have some pictures. I want you to just describe what you're seeing. Oh my, I really got tickled by that one. I'm not gonna lie. I'm crying over here.

[00:17:52] TREY GERRALD: okay, let's see, I'm scrolling down, wow, it's a lot of fucking pictures,

[00:17:56] CHELSEY DONN: Right, okay, start with the first one. Describe what you see in the picture and then read the 

[00:18:00] TREY GERRALD: The first one is fucking hilarious. So the first one is documenting that epic story of not really caring that much about the clam chowder spillage. But I just want to say, the spillage literally looks like if you took like an eyedropper and did a tiny drop of clam chowder.

[00:18:18] TREY GERRALD: There's maybe, maybe I, there's one that's the largest, it's smaller than a penny. Then, just above that, there's one that's literally like a spittle, and then there is one that's like on the edge that like literally looks like what your mind thinks of when you do like an eyedropper of like food coloring. Some of the flung clam chowder is the caption, and clam chowder is capitalized.

[00:18:40] CHELSEY DONN: Oh, God.

[00:18:42] TREY GERRALD: I mean, that is so minimal that I am like infuriated that it's in the review, but we'll get to that. Okay, the second picture.

[00:18:50] CHELSEY DONN: maybe most of it ended up on her.

[00:18:53] TREY GERRALD: Oh, good point. Then there's a picture.

[00:18:55] CHELSEY DONN: a piece of it for evidence, I guess.

[00:18:57] TREY GERRALD: So the picture is like at the register where you see the menu and it says inside the

[00:19:02] TREY GERRALD: next picture. It's a picture. of a really messy cheesy hot dog in a container with like what looks to be like chili spilled like uh on the top and on the lip where the box connects and this caption is chili cheese dog

[00:19:19] TREY GERRALD: it does look 

[00:19:20] CHELSEY DONN: it's like, it's like the cheese whiz, 

[00:19:22] TREY GERRALD: it does Right, it does look like it would be good, but looking at it, it, like, it looks unpleasing.

[00:19:28] CHELSEY DONN: I think it's like typical, like, you know, when you look at a McDonald's sandwich in an ad, it's like, Ooh, that looks good. And then you get it and you're like, gross, but also good.

[00:19:37] TREY GERRALD: And then the next picture is captioned, soggy onion rings, but I'll tell you, the photo looks like exceedingly crisp onion rings

[00:19:47] TREY GERRALD: inside 

[00:19:47] CHELSEY DONN: at least they look like really good. It looks like funnel cake around an onion. It looks like delicious.

[00:19:52] TREY GERRALD: And then, this next photo is like, probably a few steps away from where their photo of the inside was, it's to the side a little bit, and it says, Where We Waited for 45 Men. Ew, and I can see above the menus, they have the giant lettering that says, Seafood, and that makes me want to vomit.

[00:20:09] CHELSEY DONN: Oh, well, it's not that gross because it's actually like, um, like a lobster roll. Does that make you feel better?

[00:20:16] TREY GERRALD: Yeah. Alright, and then our last photo, is also of like a container and it has looks like a burger with some jalapenos popping out it looks really good to me and the caption is hell's kitchen burger

[00:20:30] CHELSEY DONN: Okay.

[00:20:31] TREY GERRALD: rachel

[00:20:32] CHELSEY DONN: Should we talk about Rachel H.?

[00:20:34] TREY GERRALD: i really gotta say this clam chowder photo is absurd i can see why it wasn't really that big of a deal

[00:20:41] TREY GERRALD: didn't really bother me

[00:20:42] CHELSEY DONN: Did really bother me. She said that a few times, but she still mentioned it.

[00:20:46] TREY GERRALD: Okay, so obviously, Rachel doesn't like punctuation. It's like, very hard to get the narrative if you're not reading it. Because it's, it's as if this is Jessie Spano on speed singing, I'm so excited, because she can't

[00:21:03] CHELSEY DONN: I Know

[00:21:04] TREY GERRALD: here. It just seems that they, like, felt that they were forgotten about. and then they waited for 45 minutes instead of like at any point in the 45 minutes being like hey did you forget about my order and then where i'm really confused oh and then it's like all of the food was like a little less hot than they wanted it to be

[00:21:21] TREY GERRALD: and how that's surprising since this is a famous place but what i get really confused at

[00:21:26] CHELSEY DONN: yeah,

[00:21:27] TREY GERRALD: was

[00:21:28] CHELSEY DONN: there's a confusing section. I don't know if this is what you're talking about I think what happened was they called for their food and someone else took it maybe

[00:21:38] TREY GERRALD: that makes

[00:21:38] CHELSEY DONN: And then they were like, you took it or whatever. And she was like, no, I didn't take it. I'm the one who bought it. I think I should know if I took it or not.

[00:21:45] CHELSEY DONN: And then I think they had to remake it.

[00:21:47] TREY GERRALD: see all of that could have been

[00:21:49] CHELSEY DONN: Like, it's like, and it's like, it's annoying because there's no, like, these are different characters speaking. That's what's so confusing about this review. Cause it's like, okay, like, it's like the person that works here. Okay. Well, we already gave it out. And then you saying, yeah, that might've happened, but you didn't give it to me.

[00:22:05] CHELSEY DONN: The one who paid for it. And then they said, oh, okay, I'll get it for you. 

[00:22:09] TREY GERRALD: right, with three 

[00:22:10] CHELSEY DONN: like everything that exists within that two and a half line area, like if they had put quotes, like this, it's not just a situation of them forgetting periods.

[00:22:21] TREY GERRALD: right, there's no punctuation.

[00:22:23] CHELSEY DONN: no punctuation like there's like no quote marks where there should be quote That's why I was kind of reading it robotic as I'm like did you do this speak to text?

[00:22:30] CHELSEY DONN: Because that's the only thing that makes any sense to me.

[00:22:33] TREY GERRALD: I am also just looking over this, their whole complaint about the Hell's Kitchen Burger, they want it to be spicier, and it said it needed more sauce and jalapenos, but the photo they provide, I can see four jalapenos spilling out the side, so I'm not really sure what that's about, and I can see a puddle of sauce on the bottom bun, so I, I don't know, Rachel's losing me a little bit with their disrespect for writing a narrative.

[00:22:55] CHELSEY DONN: Disrespect. Utter disrespect.

[00:22:58] TREY GERRALD: because I'm wondering if they were

[00:22:59] CHELSEY DONN: Honestly, like nearly a crime against humanity as an elite 

[00:23:03] TREY GERRALD: Yeah, I don't like whoever's in charge of elites Like this gives them a bad name that this is from someone who's elite.

[00:23:09] CHELSEY DONN: And this is exactly playing to my point that I've made a few times when we brought in elite reviewers that were subpar Which is that I think there's a formula for To becoming an elite reviewer, and the formula is writing lengthy reviews, possibly ones that have lots of paragraphs, maybe not, lengthy reviews, so a certain amount of words, and then adding photos, and if you do that over and over and over again, you'll become an elite reviewer, regardless of whether or not your reviews are full of trash or not,

[00:23:38] TREY GERRALD: Well, it's interesting because if you're a Yelp reviewer So let's say so if this is truthful and

[00:23:44] TREY GERRALD: Rachel was that upset about it all

[00:23:46] TREY GERRALD: I can understand being so annoyed That you're like I can't even process like I'm just rage reviewing

[00:23:54] TREY GERRALD: but You If you care enough to be an elite, if you've put in enough time and effort, then I think there's a loyalty, and almost like an oath you take, to like,

[00:24:04] TREY GERRALD: give value, even if you hate the experience, like, you have the integrity enough to maintain the level of an elite, to

[00:24:12] CHELSEY DONN: Mm hmm.

[00:24:12] TREY GERRALD: at least put a comma, or at least, if you don't want to do quotation marks for the different characters,

[00:24:19] TREY GERRALD: then at 

[00:24:19] CHELSEY DONN: Do a line break. There's a story to be told here, but it's lost in just this like very strange way of formatting and writing without any, you know, proper line breaks or punctuation or anything.

[00:24:33] TREY GERRALD: Alright, so, we could talk about the spelling grammar here forever, but it's clearly like, If I could give it less than zero, I would. Never thought I would say that sincerely.

[00:24:44] CHELSEY DONN: right, right, right, right. 

[00:24:45] TREY GERRALD: The value, new and unique info.

[00:24:48] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah.

[00:24:50] TREY GERRALD: I mean, you're getting a hot dog and like a burger on Coney Island. Like, this is not going to be a Michelin star hot dog cart.

[00:24:57] CHELSEY DONN: Mm hmm.

[00:24:58] TREY GERRALD: So, but what I'm hearing is perhaps The workers might be a little messy and like they might fling things around by accident or like they're working at such a high volume that if you aren't paying an acute level of attention, someone could just snatch your order. I mean, I've never thought of that, but that doesn't feel location specific.

[00:25:17] TREY GERRALD: That feels like any place where they're going to, like, call out that your order is ready, but I would say half of that is on you because if you're not fully paying attention,

[00:25:25] CHELSEY DONN: right. Like maybe you just got used to waiting there. So you were like playing, joking around with your friends and you didn't hear it.

[00:25:31] TREY GERRALD: but the photo of like the menu and like obviously we've discussed the difference between professionally shot food staging versus like the

[00:25:38] TREY GERRALD: hot dog you're holding, this looks right up my fucking goddamn alley. America, fuck

[00:25:43] TREY GERRALD: yes. This is like low class, nasty, fried, disgusting, like awful food. Like I want to eat all of these burgers.

[00:25:53] TREY GERRALD: Maybe I'm just hungry, but like it looks fucking gorgeous to me.

[00:25:57] CHELSEY DONN: I mean, I do think that, if I'm trying to give them credit, like, I think that the photos are good.

[00:26:02] TREY GERRALD: Yeah, I also have another question here about if all the food was under warm, Are they making

[00:26:08] TREY GERRALD: a point that someone stole their food or are they making a point that their food sat for 45 minutes? I don't know. I don't necessarily trust Rachel's truthful shaniness necessarily.

[00:26:17] TREY GERRALD: I think they're so angry because they're hungry.

[00:26:19] CHELSEY DONN: hangry, yeah.

[00:26:20] TREY GERRALD: But if your food is cold, I mean, can we guarantee that's typical? Like, is your food always going to be cold? I would doubt it. Like they must be

[00:26:27] CHELSEY DONN: Or was it like sitting in the, I don't know, was it just sitting in the wings and they never put it in the, in the window? I don't know.

[00:26:34] TREY GERRALD: but I will say the hot dog container is paper, but you can see the onion ring container is one of those. Pretty, like, more expensive, thick plastic

[00:26:46] TREY GERRALD: containers, which, it does seem to me like those would sog up,

[00:26:50] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah,

[00:26:51] TREY GERRALD: cause it's gonna, the plastic's gonna keep that heat in there more than the paper.

[00:26:55] CHELSEY DONN: yeah, I agree. So, I mean, I trust, like, that's the thing is, like, I trust certain things about this review, but the way that it's written is making me question things. Is there anything else we need to consider before we go into the crowning? Or have we, I mean, clearly, I found it hysterical. I 

[00:27:10] TREY GERRALD: No, I think it's funny too, but I'm more angry at her than I am humored by her.

[00:27:16] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah. And the impact, well, let's talk about 

[00:27:19] TREY GERRALD: Yeah, let's just crown it Okay, so Chelsey and I each have our own set of zero to five crown cards and in an effort to be fair and patriotic by not influencing one another, we're gonna simultaneously reveal our ratings.

[00:27:31] VOICEOVER: The Queens are tabulating, Total Score

[00:27:39] CHELSEY DONN: Okay. Trey's holding up one and a half crowns. I'm holding up two crowns. Trey, you go first. Why one and a half crowns?

[00:27:45] TREY GERRALD: almost did, too, and I just flipped it at the last minute. Because it's so egregious, like, you didn't even do one singular pass to make sure that

[00:27:53] TREY GERRALD: Your typing was understandable. Like the whole point is to be helpful. That's what reviews are. And if you are hurting your own cause, then what the are you doing?

[00:28:03] TREY GERRALD: Like, I'm so mad. And I also, just the pictures, like there's no reason to talk about the flinging clam chowder and include that photo because it's literally a spittle and then to include the story and then be like, but it didn't really

[00:28:15] TREY GERRALD: bother me. It's like, what? Like you're obviously going for like a character count or a word count or

[00:28:20] TREY GERRALD: something. It was entertaining. But there's not much impact for me, like, it sounds like they even express that this is not their go to sort of dining experience or review per se, but to me, I love this kind of food, so, I don't know, I think it's not a match for Rachel, I appreciate that they wanted to contribute, but they didn't do a good job, so, I can't give more than one and a half for Rachel, you know, maybe they do better elsewhere, but not at Nathan's, Chelsey, why did you do two crowns?

[00:28:50] CHELSEY DONN: I did too. I'll start with the good. I think the photos were informative like no matter what even even like ignoring the captions or the captions were pretty brief anyway, and I obviously like got a chuckle out of this. I thought this was very entertaining. So that was where my two crowns came from, but I really I think there's nothing worse than a faux elite.

[00:29:09] CHELSEY DONN: It's like elites are bad enough, but a faux elite is It's just annoying. If you're pulling the focus because people are going to see your reviews more because Yelp gives preferential treatment to elite reviewers. So if you click on like what, Oh, I want to read the one star, you're going to see this review first.

[00:29:27] CHELSEY DONN: And I think that's doing a disservice to the reader. And. That was why I only gave the two crowns, but I did find this to be very funny, and I read a lot of Nathan's reviews, ultimately I thought this was the most entertaining, but it was so curious to me, it's like so many other things like this that we've reviewed that are popular, the opinions were so vast, it was like, if you were an easygoing person, you were like, the line was long, but I kind of expected it, so I prepared myself to wait along the line, and I just like, You know, had a good chat with my girlfriend and then we got the food and it was great and it was nostalgic and I enjoyed it and it was like what I thought it was going to be.

[00:30:08] CHELSEY DONN: You have those people and they're giving like five stars, four stars, maybe a three star, you know, but then you have people on the other side and I will say to Nathan's credit, it didn't seem like most people were attacking the food. It was just like they're annoyed like the service is bad. That's like something that every service is bad.

[00:30:26] CHELSEY DONN: It's super slow. That was really the the main complaint. So I feel like Nathan's in the end comes out okay. For me, it's like as long as you're not attacking the food, I think people will still 

[00:30:39] TREY GERRALD: Right, especially because it's an institution, after

[00:30:41] CHELSEY DONN: Right. We've done it, Queens. We have reached the most regal portion of our show, Trey. Who are you inducting for this patriotic?

[00:30:52] VOICEOVER: My Royal Highness.

[00:30:53] TREY GERRALD: Thank you so much for asking, Chelsey. Alright, this isn't necessarily related to the Fourth of July, but I do feel like my induction today is something that Nathan's Hot Dogs probably knows very well. And I want to induct, I don't know how we've never done it, extension cords.

[00:31:09] CHELSEY DONN: Yes, Queen.

[00:31:11] TREY GERRALD: do without extension cords.

[00:31:12] TREY GERRALD: So many things need power. Every outlet in my office has an extension, like, hub thing, you know, and then I have actual strips, and then I also have, like, classic extension cords, like, extension cords into extension cords, into surge protectors, into these, like, hub things. Now everything needs a USB C, so now I have, like, the extension cord with the USB C.

[00:31:35] TREY GERRALD: Like, all of that, I need so much power, and I appreciate that I can move my desk around, it is on wheels, and I can utilize as much power as possible, and I'm not beholden to, like, the little two prong outlet, which also made me start to think, why is the standard outlet only two? But whatever, we have all these amazing things, which I am inducting, which are extension cords, and I don't give it enough of a shout out, so I wanna do that today, we've been freed from Britain as Americans, and we also have extension cords, so for that reason, Extension cords, you are my Royal Highness this week.

[00:32:11] CHELSEY DONN: I think that makes perfect sense to me. That connection.

[00:32:16] TREY GERRALD: Why, thank you. Well, alright, we've done it, Queen. That is another round on the R U A R Q Ferris Wheel of

[00:32:24] VOICEOVER: look like the 4th of July. That makes me want a hot dog real bad.

[00:32:29] TREY GERRALD: that from Illegally Blonde 2?

[00:32:31] CHELSEY DONN: think it is two. Or is it one?

[00:32:34] TREY GERRALD: White, and Blonde.

[00:32:36] CHELSEY DONN: Oh, maybe. Either way, they're both excellent movies. I love it. Iconic.

[00:32:42] TREY GERRALD: she says is pretty iconic.

[00:32:43] CHELSEY DONN: Agree. Thank you for joining us today. If you like what you heard, please tell a friend.

[00:32:49] TREY GERRALD: If you did not like what you heard, please tell an enemy. On this week's After Show Pod, Chelsey and I are going to be rating and reviewing a one star Google review for a little store called Backyard Heroes Fireworks. Fuck yeah, America!

[00:33:10] CHELSEY DONN: All right. I wonder why this was said.

[00:33:14] TREY GERRALD: And no one ever tries to write new Christmas songs, they always record like old Bing Crosby

[00:33:18] TREY GERRALD: bullshit, but Kelly Clarkson is the new Christmas Queen, because she has two Christmas albums, and she has brand new pop contemporary Christmas

[00:33:25] TREY GERRALD: songs, and they are always good, and we're celebrating Christmas in July,

[00:33:29] TREY GERRALD: alright, 

[00:33:29] CHELSEY DONN: right.

[00:33:32] TREY GERRALD: Yeah, I wonder that too, bitch, I'm an American man, I don't respect women, You're all bitches and whores, Too much, too far?,

[00:33:42] CHELSEY DONN: No, I love it. 

[00:33:43] TREY GERRALD: TOO FAR!, 

[00:33:44] CHELSEY DONN: I'm enjoying this cosplay.

[00:33:46] TREY GERRALD: and my um, drapey flag blouse,

[00:33:49] TREY GERRALD: Well, please remember all you, patriotic bitches and hoes,

[00:33:54] CHELSEY DONN: Ignore the haters, you're a queen.

[00:33:57] TREY GERRALD: Gender non specific queen, We love you, America,

[00:34:00] CHELSEY DONN: love you, America. Have a hot dog on me.

[00:34:04] TREY GERRALD: Oh my god, we didn't even talk about the hot dog snap.

[00:34:08] CHELSEY DONN: Oh, we didn't even talk about the snap. 

[00:34:10] TREY GERRALD: We'll talk about it we'll talk about it after the show, yeah, okay, Okay.

[00:34:13] TREY GERRALD: bye. 

[00:34:16] VOICEOVER: Sign up directly on Apple Podcast to hear our weekly members only after show. Unlock additional benefits when you become a Patreon member@reviewthatreview.com slash patreon. Follow us on all the socials at the review queens and join our mailing list@reviewthatreview.com. Our kvetch line is open 24 7 at 1 8 5 0 review zero.

[00:34:34] VOICEOVER: You never visit, you never write. Give us a call. Now!

[00:34:39] TREY GERRALD: That guy sounds like a faggot!

[00:34:41] CHELSEY DONN: Trey, I hate when you do that, but also, like, do what you want, because it's you, like, your own identity, but also, like, I don't like it.

[00:34:49] TREY GERRALD: Wait, what is the hot dog snap? Like when you bite into

[00:34:52] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, like it's like a, like a, like snap, like if you were to like break it in half, it would give you like a nice snap, Trey,

[00:34:59] TREY GERRALD: Yeah, but why would you break a hot dog in half? Wouldn't you bite it?

[00:35:02] CHELSEY DONN: or when you bite it, yeah, when you crunch, when you bite into it, it's like, ooh, snap, like it like bounces back, like it's like, it's kind of a snap to it,

[00:35:11] TREY GERRALD: Ew, hot dogs are so foul when you

[00:35:12] CHELSEY DONN: I know, they kind of are, but I'm still probably gonna have one tomorrow,

[00:35:16] TREY GERRALD: Alright, bye.

[00:35:17] CHELSEY DONN: bye.




Review That Review is an independent podcast. Certain names have been redacted or changed to protect the guilty. Executive produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound designed by me with voiceover talents by Eva Kaminsky. Our cover art was designed by LogoVora and our theme song was written by Joe Kinosian and sung by Natalie Weiss.


 

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