Review That Review with Chelsey & Trey
Episode 181: "RE-VIEW: Splash at the Boathouse (from Ep 10)"
Transcription
*Please pardon any and all spelling errors!
[00:00:00] CHELSEY DONN: It's time, the time has come to review, Review That Review, episode 10, which originally aired on August 11th, 2021. This is one of my favorite episodes because I believe it was the first listener submission by the one and only Mark Tuminelli. This episode is a splash. I remember this episode like it was yesterday, because it was so funny, so endearing, so many personalities, I think it was the biggest personality that we had to date in a review, and it's worth a re listen, let me tell you, the original episode contained two reviews, two complaints, and two Royal Highness inductions, but today's review is a bite sized version of that original episode, so if you want to hear the whole Megillah, you gotta be sure to pop back and listen, To episode 10 in full, believe me, you won't regret it. And while you're at it, if you wouldn't mind, leave us a five star review, would ya? Wherever you listen to this podcast, it really makes all the difference in the world. And we greatly, greatly appreciate it. Thank you, Queens, and enjoy the episode.
[00:01:04] THEME SONG: Everybody's got an opinion.
Every Californian and Virginian.
It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.
Someone's gotta settle the score.
Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!
Whose views win, which ones lose.
Online haters are comin' for you!
Baby, it's time to Review That Review!
[00:01:33] CHELSEY DONN: Hello.
[00:01:35] TREY GERRALD: Hi there. Welcome to Review That Review. This is episode 10 of the podcast dedicated to reviewing.
[00:01:42] CHELSEY DONN: Unbelievable. Reviews were just like Siskel and Ebert, only instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we rate and review those hilarious, scathing, and sometimes suspicious online reviews.
[00:01:55] TREY GERRALD: That's Chelsey Donn,
[00:01:56] CHELSEY DONN: and that's Trey Gerrald,
[00:01:58] TREY GERRALD: or in the words of Friend of the Pod, Ham and Cheese Sandwich, that's Trey see and I'm Trey. But regardless of what you call us individually, none of it really matters, because together we are The Review Queens. How's that crown today, Tracey?
[00:02:17] CHELSEY DONN: Well, Che, my crown is great today.
[00:02:22] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, I'm holding my crown high. How's your crown today?
[00:02:25] TREY GERRALD: My crown is good. You know, I had a really spectacular weekend away. My husband and I were celebrating. This is funny to me because I remember when we first started dating, I was a waiter and we would go away and celebrate months because it was a huge step for us to have Quote unquote titles.
[00:02:44] TREY GERRALD: We were like consciously being together one day at a time. So we would celebrate monthly anniversaries, but I would need coverage every now and then. And the other waiters would be like, Oh, it's the anniversary thinking it was like years or something, not actual months. So then like everyone made fun of me after a while because they're like, wasn't your anniversary last?
[00:03:02] TREY GERRALD: Anyway, so we went away to Algonquin, Maine, which is where we met 11 years ago. It was amazing. We stayed at this gorgeous Airbnb. We waited a little too long, but it's like a small little place. So a lot of the stuff was taken. And so we stumbled upon we were the first people to stay in this gorgeous Airbnb in Wells, Maine, which is the town just above Ogunquit.
[00:03:28] TREY GERRALD: And I just want to give it a shout out because we were the first to stay there. It's the quiet three bedroom beach cabin getaway. And the hostess Samantha is in Wells, Maine. It was just the two of us and our two dogs, but this was the only option. And last minute, it was so perfect. Like it was this three bedroom, but it was a really small cabin.
[00:03:48] TREY GERRALD: So it didn't feel like we were in this mansion. And they were just awesome hosts and really accommodated us. And they knew we were bringing our dogs, so they put out a little dog bowl, which was so cute.
[00:04:00] VOICEOVER: It was
[00:04:00] TREY GERRALD: really great. I actually missed you a lot. I was telling David that this is like the first time I've wanted to return from a vacation because I am having so much fun doing this podcast and collaborating with you.
[00:04:11] TREY GERRALD: So I'm so happy to be here. How are you, Chelsey? How was your week?
[00:04:16] CHELSEY DONN: Oh, my God. First of all, I missed you a lot, too. I was like trying not to be a codependent and allow you to have your anniversary weekend. So I just want you to know it was a lot of effort, but I did miss you also. Yeah, I've had a good week.
[00:04:31] CHELSEY DONN: I just got a brand new puppy, which is very exciting and very exciting. Exhausting in all of the ways. So I don't sleep anymore, so we're just gonna have to let that go, but she's worth it because she's really cute.
[00:04:46] TREY GERRALD: And what is your puppy's name?
[00:04:48] CHELSEY DONN: My puppy's name is Goldie and Maybe we'll. We're cheering
[00:04:53] TREY GERRALD: for Goldie, we're
[00:04:54] CHELSEY DONN: cheering for Goldie.
[00:04:55] CHELSEY DONN: She's named after Goldie Hawn, but she's Goldie, Don
[00:04:58] TREY GERRALD: David asked me how you came up with the name Goldie. And I was like, I haven't asked, actually.
[00:05:02] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, I love. I'm like The biggest Goldie Hawn fan ever, always like, love her so much, In fact, my friends came over to meet Goldie and we had to decide which Goldie Hawn movie we were gonna watch, just in Goldie's honor, We picked, uh, House Sitter, it's, it's Goldie Hawn.
[00:05:23] CHELSEY DONN: And Steve Martin. Oh my God. It's not as, I guess like it's not as mainstream, but it's just so fun. And I just love it so much. And she's just amazing in everything that she does. So she could do no, no wrong in my book. And Steve Martin, it's like Steve Martin at his best, like second to Father of the Bride for me.
[00:05:45] VOICEOVER: It
[00:05:45] CHELSEY DONN: was fun. We enjoyed it. We had a great time. I think Goldie liked it. She didn't, she didn't complain. So,
[00:05:52] TREY GERRALD: Overboard was one of my favorite movies as a kid. We used to watch it relentlessly. Well, congratulations on Goldie. I know that Goldie has entered your life in a very wonderful time, and we are very happy that Goldie is part of the crew of Review That Review.
[00:06:06] CHELSEY DONN: Yes, she's the head of security. So she's going to keep an eye out for us. I think that we should probably ledge a complaint. Okay. So my complaint is, you know, like when you go on a website and they're like, you have to spend X number of dollars to get free shipping.
[00:06:25] VOICEOVER: Like,
[00:06:26] CHELSEY DONN: I hate you. I like, I just feel manipulated because I feel I think I always land just shy, like I'll be like 2 short of the free shipping, right?
[00:06:37] CHELSEY DONN: And then I'm like, well, is it worth it for me to spend like 6 for shipping? Or like, would I prefer that 6 in the form of an item? And now I have to scour your site for like an 8 item in order to really make this math work out. And then I'm probably going to get something that I don't need. And I just think, why can't we just give free shipping?
[00:07:01] CHELSEY DONN: Like, I don't like free shipping minimums. I feel like they're manipulative. I think they're doing it on purpose. I don't know. Just stop it with this. Do you have this problem? Like when you're like a dollar away,
[00:07:12] TREY GERRALD: I've noticed it with just minimums. Like when you're getting food delivery, like takeout,
[00:07:17] CHELSEY DONN: exactly.
[00:07:18] TREY GERRALD: It happens a lot where it's like, I have. Noticed many times you'll always be like a dollar to 75 cents off and the cheapest thing is like a side of rice or like a side of broccoli and that's always like gonna put you up like five dollars like I do think that someone is being strategic about that.
[00:07:39] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, it's definitely strategic. Also, like, I wish that they could keep track in a day. Like my, you know, I have a new puppy, so I'll go on Chewy. com and they'll have minimums and I'll go on and like, I'll buy a few items. So I'll get the free shipping and then I'll be like, Oh, I forgot to get something. So then I want to just order that one thing, but I can't because I have to fill up my cart and I just feel like.
[00:08:06] CHELSEY DONN: I've already invested in this business. You're you don't you could put it all in the same box. Why? Why? Why? I'm lodging a complaint.
[00:08:17] TREY GERRALD: You know, complaint heard.
[00:08:19] CHELSEY DONN: Thank you.
[00:08:19] TREY GERRALD: That is such a like common occurrence complaint. Like I have felt the same frustrations before. So I appreciate you voicing it.
[00:08:28] CHELSEY DONN: Thank you.
[00:08:28] CHELSEY DONN: I feel better now that I got that off my chest.
[00:08:32] TREY GERRALD: I think I feel okay. I feel like maybe I could have spelled out Levitic gifts. Stronger, but regardless, let's just move into some written online complaints. How do you feel about that? I feel great about that.
[00:08:44] CHELSEY DONN: As you guys already know, if you're listening to Episode 10, we are your trusty Review Queens.
[00:08:50] CHELSEY DONN: We each bring in a review from the internet that we feel needs to be inspected.
[00:08:55] TREY GERRALD: We read you the review, we break it down, and then we rate the impact of the review on a scale from one to five crowns. It's a very regal process that we like to call a review. Assess that kvetch. And kvetch means complaint.
[00:09:09] CHELSEY DONN: Oh,
[00:09:09] TREY GERRALD: I'm compelling,
[00:09:11] CHELSEY DONN: Trey. You're Yiddish. It gets better every week. Review That Review. Okay.
[00:09:21] TREY GERRALD: Oh boy. All right. So this week, I have a special review that was sent to me by a friend. Okay. That was too long to be a listener voicemail. This is from Yelp. Okay. It is a two star review for a restaurant called Splash at the Boathouse, which is in Burlington, Vermont.
[00:09:46] TREY GERRALD: This is from Craig N. I hate to give a joint two stars, but I simply couldn't ignore what we were told by our waitstaff. I'll get to that in a moment. Backing up, my hot, blonde, German wife and I decided to meet the best pilot I ever flew with. My buddy Jeff and his wife, including their chihuahua, decided to fly their seaplane up from Ticonderoga to meet us.
[00:10:19] TREY GERRALD: I thought, what a better place for them to dock their 2. 5 million machine, but right there, after they got a ton of attention from this flyby and flawless landing, they joined us at our table, right at the water on the patio. Let me tell you the positives first. Our server was super awesome, and our drinks were strong and out of this world.
[00:10:46] TREY GERRALD: You know, it set the stage for a great night. We had about three rounds apiece. But, to my astonishment, my best bud Jeff downed five whiskey sours in about 20 minutes as we were catching up on good ol times. Just a quick side note, Jeff, all caps, HATES, Seafood and has a reaction to it, but he doesn't care what anyone else eats.
[00:11:13] TREY GERRALD: He just usually picks the steak or chicken. So it was when we were told this by our awesome wait staff, dot a dot, bless her heart. My wife wanted to have the haddock, but asked if she could have it blackened. It was to all of our utmost astonishment that we were Explained that all fish are prepared in the morning and can't accommodate any special requests.
[00:11:39] TREY GERRALD: Being that my bud Jeff is also a math whiz, knowing what time it was that evening, quickly realized that our seafood sits for more time during the day than our old boss Doug spends time seeing who's wearing the right shoes and develops more elaborate spreadsheets than Mr. Excel himself. I digress.
[00:12:01] TREY GERRALD: Immediately, Jeff's reaction to the seafood news set his stomach on a whirlwind worse than a 21 year old drinking for the first time after eating four White Castle burgers. Jeff started throwing up in his mouth. Not once, but twice, Ali, their Chihuahua, started barking frantically as he knew his owner was in trouble, and he was, for exclamation marks, Jeff, being the stud he is, got up and pretty much did a fifth grade's first place standing long jump and hurtled over the big rope parameters in a heartbeat and flashed over to the nearest point of water to hurl all that he drank, Poor Jeff for having that kind of reaction to being told that they cannot blacken fish because it is prepared in advance in the morning.
[00:12:55] TREY GERRALD: Bottom line, if you want fresh seafood, don't come here. Come here for the drinks, views, and service. That's it. By the way, since Jeff had too much to drink and was way too green, his wife flew them home, and she doesn't even have a license. Truth be told. She can outfly both Jeff and me, 17 exclamation marks.
[00:13:28] CHELSEY DONN: Wow, wow, wow, wow.
[00:13:31] TREY GERRALD: What the actual F?
[00:13:33] CHELSEY DONN: I mean, so much to unpack here with Craig N. First of all, Thank you to your friend who found this review,
[00:13:43] TREY GERRALD: Mark.
[00:13:44] CHELSEY DONN: Thank you, Mark, for finding this. What a find. Great job. I kind of felt like I was on a scavenger hunt when this was going on, looking for the details that actually involve the restaurant.
[00:13:58] CHELSEY DONN: Um, I just have, I know the weirdest details now about Craig's life, and I know not a single thing about the food. Also, like, Your friend was puking because he had a million whiskies, like he, thank you, it doesn't make any, it makes like no sense, like, first of all, yes, like, that is gross, if that's true, that they prepare the fish in advance, I, I can't imagine how that would be true, is that, like, do you think that that's true,
[00:14:30] TREY GERRALD: it can't, it can't be,
[00:14:31] CHELSEY DONN: Maybe they, like, marinate it in advance?
[00:14:34] CHELSEY DONN: Like, I don't, like, I like, um, Jeff. I also don't eat fish.
[00:14:40] TREY GERRALD: Me either.
[00:14:41] CHELSEY DONN: Oh my god, I love that about you. Anyway, I digress, as does Craig. I mean, the only information Craig gave us about this restaurant was positive, right? I know,
[00:14:53] TREY GERRALD: right. That's
[00:14:54] CHELSEY DONN: so weird. What's the name of the restaurant again? Oh, Splash at the Boathouse.
[00:14:58] CHELSEY DONN: What a splash they had, my goodness. God, like such, just such pretentiousness, I could puke.
[00:15:06] TREY GERRALD: I mean, if I were to ever try to communicate the definition of the word douche, like this is like, When Mark sent me this, I thought, Oh, my, I like want to take a shower. I feel so gross.
[00:15:21] VOICEOVER: Agreed.
[00:15:22] TREY GERRALD: Jeff must think that he is like Jeff Foxworthy.
[00:15:26] TREY GERRALD: Like he thinks he's very funny. So there's a few like jokes in here. Wait, Jeff thinks he's
[00:15:32] CHELSEY DONN: funny or Craig thinks he's funny?
[00:15:34] TREY GERRALD: Sorry. Craig, right? Craig thinks he's a comedian.
[00:15:37] CHELSEY DONN: Yes, for sure.
[00:15:38] TREY GERRALD: And what does that have to do with any, like, no one's gonna get, like, your inside joke about your old boss.
[00:15:43] CHELSEY DONN: Very strange.
[00:15:45] TREY GERRALD: Also, what does the Chihuahua Ollie have to do with anything?
[00:15:50] CHELSEY DONN: And what is the fact that he has a hot blonde German wife have to do with anything? He didn't even bring her up again. It's like, he introduced this character and then he just let her, like, what happened to the wife?
[00:16:02] TREY GERRALD: Also, why do we need to know that this Trey, Trey,
[00:16:08] CHELSEY DONN: Trey, Trey, Trey, Trey, Trey, Trey, Trey, I was confused.
[00:16:21] CHELSEY DONN: He started in the beginning saying something about having the flight with like the best pilot he ever had and then he ends with the wife. Are those, is that the same?
[00:16:32] TREY GERRALD: So he's saying that he and his hot blonde German wife, Greg, decided to meet the best pilot he ever flew with, who is Jeff. Oh, so Craig and Jeff are both pilots.
[00:16:45] CHELSEY DONN: Craig's a pilot.
[00:16:49] TREY GERRALD: I think. Oh, maybe he isn't a pilot, but he's the best pilot he ever flew with.
[00:16:54] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah.
[00:16:55] TREY GERRALD: Is his friend, Jeff.
[00:16:57] CHELSEY DONN: I think so. But then he, but then in the end he was like, he said that Jeff's wife flew the plane without a license. She can
[00:17:04] TREY GERRALD: outfly both Jeff and me. So I do think Oh, then maybe he is a
[00:17:08] CHELSEY DONN: pilot.
[00:17:09] CHELSEY DONN: I don't know. He's gross. I feel like this is like that, that Billy Madison quote where they're like, I am now dumber for having listened to this. Like, I, I really,
[00:17:19] TREY GERRALD: Well, on that note, I am not a math whiz, but Craig points out that they had about three rounds a piece. But then uses the word astonishment two or three times to his astonishment, Jeff down five whiskey sours in about 20 minutes.
[00:17:36] TREY GERRALD: So that doesn't add up. If you have three rounds the whole time, but then he had five and you were there before he was. So what? Three rounds of five whisky. Well, because
[00:17:47] CHELSEY DONN: he, because apparently Jeff drinks like a fish. I think Jeff just drinks very fast.
[00:17:53] TREY GERRALD: But Jeff throws up because of the way the fish is prepared, not because he had five whiskies hours and was so like, Done, but he couldn't fly the plane at the end.
[00:18:02] CHELSEY DONN: It doesn't make any sense because Craig is giving us all the details to support the case that he's fighting against. Like, it's bizarre. It's like, well, of course he threw up. He had five whiskey sours and like 20 minutes.
[00:18:17] TREY GERRALD: I'm also curious. How do you throw up in your mouth? Twice. If you throw up in your mouth once, aren't you gonna then have to get it out?
[00:18:23] TREY GERRALD: Like, how do you then throw up and then throw up again in your mouth?
[00:18:27] CHELSEY DONN: I imagine that it was like a, and then he like, just was like, let me get out of here. And also that poor body of water that's now covered in Jeff's puke. Ugh, disgusting. Okay, so also like I'm a little bit upset that this reviewer's name is Craig because my dad's name is Craig and obviously like I had a lot more high hopes for Craig N just based on name alone.
[00:18:51] CHELSEY DONN: So disappointed in Craig N. Also, he just like he's all over the place. Like he starts with like this, he calls it a joint, right? And then bless her heart. Remember that part?
[00:19:04] TREY GERRALD: He is from Texas.
[00:19:06] CHELSEY DONN: Okay. All right.
[00:19:07] TREY GERRALD: It is funny to me because it says, bottom line, if you want fresh seafood, all caps don't come here.
[00:19:12] TREY GERRALD: But A, they didn't even have the fish. Yeah. And they're telling us that it's not fresh because I think this waiter was uninformed or said something incorrectly. Like, it doesn't make any sense. How do you prepare fish in the morning?
[00:19:26] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, no,
[00:19:27] TREY GERRALD: it would be cold. Like how
[00:19:29] CHELSEY DONN: it doesn't, I don't know. It just, it doesn't make any sense to me.
[00:19:32] CHELSEY DONN: I'm not buying that this place would pre cook their fish. And then what microwave it like, yeah,
[00:19:40] TREY GERRALD: that doesn't make any sense. I feel like this whole review is so lacking in value because It's just sort of Craig bragging about his friend.
[00:19:49] CHELSEY DONN: So gross. Like I feel like Craig wrote this review so that on Monday he could like read it to his friends.
[00:19:58] TREY GERRALD: I mean, I hear that. I mean, it does feel like who brags about their friends 2. 5 million anything. I mean, that's just so odd. Anyway, the spelling and the grammar is actually pretty Fantastic. I wonder if Craig was, like, highly educated aside from being a pilot, which is its own highly education requirements.
[00:20:17] CHELSEY DONN: True. I feel like I'm struggling as a Review Queen with the entertainment value. Because I was laughing a lot during this because it was so ridiculous
[00:20:28] VOICEOVER: and
[00:20:29] CHELSEY DONN: over the top and crazy and the details were like wackadoo and I like I said felt like I was on a scavenger hunt trying to figure out when are we what are we talking about like when are we talking about Splash at the Boathouse because like I'm missing it and so I'm like do I attribute that entertainment To Craig for entertainment because I was entertained or is it that I was entertained because people like Craig exists and would feel the need to write such a novella about absolute nonsense on Yelp for some person to read and not have any like Was that why I was laughing?
[00:21:09] CHELSEY DONN: I don't know.
[00:21:10] TREY GERRALD: Maybe Craig was drunk from the three rounds when they wrote this.
[00:21:13] CHELSEY DONN: I did think that. I did wonder about that. I'm glad you brought that up because I was thinking the same thing. I was like, I wonder if he was like hammered and writing this on the plane ride back.
[00:21:24] TREY GERRALD: I guess I just feel like, I don't know.
[00:21:27] CHELSEY DONN: What do you think? Do you feel like we attribute the entertainment to Craig or are we entertained because of the ridiculousness of it?
[00:21:34] TREY GERRALD: I think it's entertaining because it's Ludicrous, right? Like it doesn't, it's, it's completely invaluable to like, there's, there's nothing going on here, but like someone who's wacky, but like, I just instantly am turned off by like the bragging about the wife, bragging about Ticonderoga 2.5 million, bragging about how much they drink.
[00:21:52] TREY GERRALD: Ugh, bragging about how he landed the plane. It's. go away like bragging
[00:21:56] CHELSEY DONN: about this what emotional support chihuahua
[00:22:01] TREY GERRALD: but then it has but it has nothing to do with the restaurant like i think it was a miscommunication from the waiter that was misinterpreted and i don't believe that jeff threw up because of the information i mean maybe but i also think he threw up because he was so loaded
[00:22:15] CHELSEY DONN: i think it's very obvious like i
[00:22:16] TREY GERRALD: like oh god a whiskey sap
[00:22:18] CHELSEY DONN: Ugh, and five in how long?
[00:22:21] CHELSEY DONN: 20 minutes? That what it said?
[00:22:23] TREY GERRALD: So gross. I think I could crown this. I
[00:22:25] CHELSEY DONN: think I can crown it too, but before I crown it, I just want to make sure that I point out again, that Mark is an absolute review finding queen, regardless of how I should grade Craig N. I feel like I'm so happy that this review was read and I was thoroughly entertained and Mark just, Thank you again.
[00:22:45] TREY GERRALD: Thank you, Mark. The queens are tabulating. Okay. Do you think you're ready?
[00:22:52] CHELSEY DONN: Okay. I'm ready. Are you ready?
[00:22:54] TREY GERRALD: I'm ready. Okay.
[00:22:55] VOICEOVER: Total
[00:23:00] CHELSEY DONN: Score. Okay, it is unanimous. One crown from both of the queens. I feel like this is an example of like, you know how everyone in the reality review is always like, if I could have given this zero crowns, I would.
[00:23:13] CHELSEY DONN: I just feel like I got no information that was pertinent to the restaurant. Like if I read this, I would be entertained and think it was funny, but it wouldn't, it wouldn't inform me whether or not I should eat here, which is why I'm probably going to Yelp in the first place.
[00:23:26] TREY GERRALD: I mean, I still have the half in my other hand, because I was debating between one and one and a half.
[00:23:31] TREY GERRALD: And I just went with one because it's, it's just, it's a review of Jeff's successful life. It's not a review of this restaurant,
[00:23:40] CHELSEY DONN: right?
[00:23:41] TREY GERRALD: I do know that my friend Mark found this because they were going to this restaurant and it's like, it's amazing. So I just think like,
[00:23:47] CHELSEY DONN: yeah, there's no way from reading this review.
[00:23:49] CHELSEY DONN: I would be like, hell no, I'm not going to that restaurant. Like, no, not impactful.
[00:23:55] TREY GERRALD: No, I just, the entertainment was also the skis factor. So I just gave one like, I'm sorry to splash at the boathouse. This is attached to your company. Agreed. Yikes. Agreed.
[00:24:08] CHELSEY DONN: Wow. All right, my queens, we have reached the most regal portion of our show.
[00:24:15] CHELSEY DONN: My Royal Highness. Okay, well, I'm inducting someone that is Pretty special to both of us. I'm gonna do it and I'm gonna induct Emily Cratter because she deserves it. Emily Cratter is the person that introduced Trey and I. None of this would have been possible without her. She is the biggest cheerleader of both of us.
[00:24:37] CHELSEY DONN: She is the first person to Reach out, comment, you know, support us whenever we have a new episode, whenever anything happens, she is the first one to be there, she's so busy and has so much going on in her life, and yet she still finds the time to compliment us and build us up and let us know that she's just like, Belling and she's amazing.
[00:24:58] CHELSEY DONN: Also, Emily and I, we've been playing phone tag for like 10 years and we do this really fun thing where we'll like pick up the phone even if we have 30 seconds to talk, just because it's been like so long since we've been playing phone tag. And I just think that says a lot about her and our friendship and our commitment to being friends.
[00:25:18] CHELSEY DONN: So Emily Crowder, I hope you love this because we love you so much and it is. I mean, it is beyond time that we induct you as our Royal Highness. I love you, Em.
[00:25:32] TREY GERRALD: I mean, I fully concur. Yes. She is the female version of the mensch.
[00:25:36] CHELSEY DONN: Oh, she is the biggest, the biggest, the best mensch. I love it. Okay, well, we did it.
[00:25:44] CHELSEY DONN: We're at the end of this episode. Listener voicemail. Stop.
[00:25:50] TREY GERRALD: Oh my goodness. All right. Today we have a listener voicemail that is so extreme that we have to include it in our 10th episode. And here it is. Chelsey, get ready. I
[00:26:02] CHELSEY DONN: can't wait to hear it, I'm scared.
[00:26:04] JOJO: Hi, this is JoJo, calling in with a review from Joshua A.
[00:26:09] JOJO: of Peace's Bar in New York, left on April 6th, 2009.
[00:26:14] TREY GERRALD: So just for context here, Peace's Bar is uh, And
[00:26:21] JOJO: it reads, Pieces of broken mirror, Yep, that's what was strewn everywhere as the bouncer pulled a lesbian slash ex con out of the bar in a headlock and knocked her right into a mirror, and that was really when we knew it was time to leave, Pieces, as made apparent by their logo and uninspired theme night, is the quintessential 90s gay bar, Being that it's 2009 and the Golden Girls only runs in syndicated reruns, Pieces I would venture to say is less nostalgic than it is tragic.
[00:26:55] JOJO: Pushy patrons were so sweet as to help me drench my shirt in my own drink on a few instances, Which was fine anyway, since my vodka soda may as well have been a glass of water, I think that having an aneurysm might be slightly more enjoyable than going to pieces, At least one of the doctors at the hospital might be hot, Cause you're certainly not going to find anyone mildly attractive here, No,
[00:27:17] CHELSEY DONN: Oh my god, Let
[00:27:20] JOJO: me do it one more time just so you have a second take,
[00:27:23] CHELSEY DONN: JoJo, we've heard it.
[00:27:24] CHELSEY DONN: We
[00:27:24] JOJO: love JoJo. We love
[00:27:25] CHELSEY DONN: it. JoJo, first of all, you don't need a second take. That was such a good reading. That was amazing. Wow. I'm blown away. We have the best listeners.
[00:27:37] TREY GERRALD: I mean, that is a review from 2009? JoJo, have you just been sitting on this review and now you have the opportunity to share it with the world?
[00:27:46] TREY GERRALD: I have been to pieces. Yes, me too. And, and it's just, you know, it is what it is. It's like you go there and you get a drink and it's like, Of course that's watered down, that's like any bar you go to. It's true,
[00:27:56] CHELSEY DONN: but also like, high points on that review for entertainment, like, I was thoroughly taken on a journey, entertained, lots of imagery, the picture of what a lesbian being thrown into the A lesbian ex con being thrown into a mirror.
[00:28:14] TREY GERRALD: I also love Joshua, the reviewer's storytelling of the patrons were so nice to drench my shirt. Oh my God, hilarious.
[00:28:23] CHELSEY DONN: So funny. Thank you, Joshua.
[00:28:25] TREY GERRALD: Thank you, Jojo, for bringing this review.
[00:28:29] CHELSEY DONN: What a queen. And also, like, I think I would crown Joshua pretty high. Should we crown Joshua?
[00:28:35] TREY GERRALD: Yeah,
[00:28:36] VOICEOVER: let's
[00:28:37] CHELSEY DONN: do
[00:28:39] VOICEOVER: it.
[00:28:40] CHELSEY DONN: Total score.
[00:28:41] TREY GERRALD: I'm just saying four.
[00:28:42] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, same. Unanimous four crowns. I just took away one crown because like you said, like, this is like kind of a, like diet. I don't know. We are, our expectations should be pretty low. If we go to this bar, we know why we're there, but high, high points on everything else. Like entertained, totally believing that this is the experience.
[00:29:01] TREY GERRALD: I took one crown away because I didn't really like the low blow of saying that no one that works there is hot. That's sort of like unnecessary. It doesn't have anything to do with like working. I guess, well, I guess sometimes gay bars, bartenders have their very muscular shirtless servers, but I don't think that that's
[00:29:17] CHELSEY DONN: the MO.
[00:29:18] CHELSEY DONN: at pieces though.
[00:29:20] TREY GERRALD: No, no, but I, I do think the chances of, um, like a lesbian ex con getting into a fight are pretty high at pieces. And that is why we love pieces.
[00:29:29] CHELSEY DONN: Love it. And that is why we love Jojo. Jojo,
[00:29:33] TREY GERRALD: you get five crowns, Jojo. Jojo
[00:29:35] CHELSEY DONN: gets five crowns without a doubt. Uh, if you don't have an agent already, we got to sign you.
[00:29:40] CHELSEY DONN: That was a great reading.
[00:29:41] TREY GERRALD: And Jojo was going to give us a second read because Jojo's the prowess. So, you know what? Kudos to JoJo. We love you.
[00:29:48] CHELSEY DONN: Okay.
[00:29:49] TREY GERRALD: Well, Queen, we did it. That's another round in the ear holes.
[00:29:52] CHELSEY DONN: I hate when you say that. We gotta think of a new one. Okay. Thank you guys so much for joining us today.
[00:29:58] CHELSEY DONN: If you like what you heard, please tell a friend.
[00:30:01] TREY GERRALD: If you didn't like what you heard, please tell an enemy. If you want to be like, Queen JoJo, hit up our voicemail box, y'all. It's 1 850 REVIEW ZERO. You can read us a review, just like JoJo, or you can lodge your own complaint, or I really would love if people would start calling in and leaving voicemails where they induct someone from their life for My Royal Highness.
[00:30:24] CHELSEY DONN: You can follow us if you'd like. Or if you would please, at The Review Queens, and I'm at Chelsey BD, begrudgingly.
[00:30:33] TREY GERRALD: And I do want to just clarify, Chelsey spells her name C H E L S E Y. Correct. And I'm at Trey Gerald, with two R's. Okay, you know, we have weird family members, apparently. Anyway, please become a member of the Royal Court by joining our Patreon at patreon.
[00:30:53] TREY GERRALD: com slash Review That Review. You can also watch live clips from every recording session for free on YouTube. Please go subscribe and watch.
[00:31:02] CHELSEY DONN: Yes. And remember, ignore the haters. You're a queen. Gender
[00:31:06] TREY GERRALD: non-specific. Queen,
[00:31:08] CHELSEY DONN: obviously. Thank you so much for listening to that review. We hope you enjoyed it, and as we've mentioned at the top of the show, it really helps us.
[00:31:16] CHELSEY DONN: If you could please share the podcast, leave a review, get us up in the algorithms, do all the magic, and help us out so that when we come back after this hiatus, we can come back. Bigger and better than ever, baby.
[00:31:28] VOICEOVER: We love you. Sign up directly on Apple Podcasts to hear our weekly Members Only After Show.
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Review That Review is an independent podcast. Certain names have been redacted or changed to protect the guilty. Executive produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound designed by me with voiceover talents by Eva Kaminsky. Our cover art was designed by LogoVora and our theme song was written by Joe Kinosian and sung by Natalie Weiss.
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