Review That Review with Chelsey & Trey
Episode 194, Part 2: "Speed Dating: 1 vs 5 Stars"
Transcription
*Please pardon any and all spelling errors!
[00:00:00] THEME SONG: Everybody's got an opinion.
Every Californian and Virginian.
It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.
Someone's gotta settle the score.
Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!
Whose views win, which ones lose.
Online haters are comin' for you!
Baby, it's time to Review That Review!
CHELSEY DONN: All right. Welcome back to our coverage of the Yelp reviews for Speed Dating for New York Minute. Okay. In part one, we heard the one star review. And now as we've been teasing, we are going to hear the other side of the coin here. Try. Now we're going to hear the five star.
TREY GERRALD: Yes. But before we do, Chelsea, I think it's time that we take a quick little spin.
On the Meryl go [00:01:00] round. Let's do it.
VOICEOVER: I don't feel like an icon as I feel like icon. That's with an A.
CHELSEY DONN: Alright, here's the deal. Trey and I have each picked a rotten, scathing, pithy one star zinger and with 30 seconds on the clock we'll take turns trying to recite the zinger in as many genres as possible.
TREY GERRALD: Just like Queen Meryl Streep, who does it all.
CHELSEY DONN: Before the clock runs out, all right, I try you go first.
TREY GERRALD: You want me to go first? Yes. All right. So in honor of the love theme, I found this one star walmart. com review for a Jessica Simpson perfume called fancy love.
CHELSEY DONN: Fancy love. No idea. Okay.
TREY GERRALD: Um, and this is not, um, [00:02:00] Amazon customer.
This is Walmart customer. They don't want to self identify. Now their, their, um, subject is, it's a no for me, doesn't smell right. But their review is, it smells like hairspray.
CHELSEY DONN: Okay. Okay. That was so funny. Um, I'm going to strap you into that giant can of hairspray from like Hairspray the Musical where they like bring them in like a Trojan horse.
TREY GERRALD: Mm hmm.
CHELSEY DONN: You know what I'm talking about?
TREY GERRALD: Of course I do.
CHELSEY DONN: Okay. So that's what you're strapped in on. Here we go. Are you ready?
TREY GERRALD: I'm ready.
CHELSEY DONN: Let's do it. Three, two, one. Shakespeare.
TREY GERRALD: It smells like a hairspray.
CHELSEY DONN: Adult film. Smells like hairspray. TLC reality.
Smells like hairspray. Disaster. It smells like hairspray. [00:03:00] Devil Evangelist. It smells like a hairspray, Jesus Christ. Disney. Oh, she's got a secure spoon! Magic show! Secure spoon!
CHELSEY DONN: Okay, I'll give it to you.
You gave us a visual. Thank you. That was really good. All right, you got one, two, seven! D. Va, very good!
TREY GERRALD: Thank you.
CHELSEY DONN: Amazing job. Okay. My one star zinger, I decided to explore the LA side of speed dating and my one star zinger and I found a company called The three day rule matchmaking. This is a one star Yelp review that is written by Cynthia S And the review is quite succinct.
Terrible. Oh, wow. They don't hold back. Yeah. Okay. [00:04:00] All right. Are you ready?
TREY GERRALD: Melodrama. Disc jockey.
This is a terrible.
TREY GERRALD: Opera diva. True crime doc. Terrible. Magic show. Terrible! Yankee. Terrible! Lifetime.
VOICEOVER: Terrible!
TREY GERRALD: Spy. Terrible. Lime. WWE. Terrible! 2, 4, 6, 8. Ten! Woo! I'm terrible.
CHELSEY DONN: I only had one word.
TREY GERRALD: But still, you had the clarity of mind.
CHELSEY DONN: Aw, thank you. Good job!
TREY GERRALD: Thank you. You really did it.
CHELSEY DONN: Oh my goodness. I can't believe it. Well, I am so excited to hear this five star review because [00:05:00] I obviously have my opinions about New York Minute, and I want to see if you can sway them. So, to start us off.
TREY GERRALD: Yeah, let's, let's take a little gander over here. So. Today, I have this five star written by Elizabeth C, who lives in Brooklyn, New York.
CHELSEY DONN: Brooklyn in the house.
TREY GERRALD: And here we go. I won't use NY Minute dating services anymore because I already found my Mr. Right through one of their events. I recommend their speed dating events and their singles cruises to all of my friends all the time. Some of my friends have met their significant others through these events, too.
They really do work. I had attended three past events. One was a speed dating event on Valentine's Day in 2012 at a venue called Slate on [00:06:00] 21st Street and 5th Avenue. The second speed dating event was at the DL. on Delancey Street. My final event was not a speed dating event. It was one of their singles cruise around Manhattan on March 26th, 2013.
Great drinks. Great music. Great people. Parentheses. I made lots of new friends that night. And I met my B. F. that night there. Highly recommend.
CHELSEY DONN: OK, so by cruise, do we mean the Circle Line?
TREY GERRALD: You were waiting on that. It's their single. She's dying at herself. I
mean, it's [00:07:00] gotta be the Circle Line.
CHELSEY DONN: Oh my God. Sorry. I
used to live right near the Circle Line, so. So that is the review.
CHELSEY DONN: Okay. I thought you had something else to say. Okay. So this feels a little saccharine to me, Trey. Um, I have my thoughts on this. I don't know that this is an authentic review. I shouldn't be so accusatory right out of the gate because maybe there is a world in which this is Elizabeth C's truthful experience, but something just smells fishy because I feel like the whole review was like, uh, Just an ad.
It was like, I met my husband and started my friends. You know what? I gave it three times. One said Slate, which I love, by the way. On 21st he used to go to acting school right next [00:08:00] door. Love Slate. It's great. Once was that sling, one was downtown, and the third was the big one, the cruise around Manhattan.
Um, it just felt very sales pitchy to me.
TREY GERRALD: I, I see that read on it. Like, it's interesting to me because all of the specifics feel a little unnecessary. Like, I don't need to know that it was at the DL or whatever, like, that's weird. But I actually appreciated, like, it was actually the singles cruise. That's not the circle line that like profitable for me, but right now that you mentioned that I am sort of like, Oh,
CHELSEY DONN: I'm sure that's like the most expensive event, you know?
So I don't know. It feels a little odd. I agree with you. I also think the specifics that they gave, I wish they had spoken more about their significant other. I wish they had been like, I met them and like, this [00:09:00] was, I don't know, just like gotten more into. Yeah. What they were both doing there and how they met and why they were such a good match and just like something to make me feel like this relationship is real.
TREY GERRALD: So that was written April 22nd, 2015.
CHELSEY DONN: Okay.
TREY GERRALD: On December 2nd, 2018.
CHELSEY DONN: So three years later.
TREY GERRALD: We get an updated review. Oh God,
CHELSEY DONN: okay.
TREY GERRALD: I got engaged over the summer! My fiancé and I met at an minute dating event. I couldn't be happier. I wrote an email directly to Jen at the company and she wrote me such a nice email congratulating us. I didn't know if she would remember me since it's been a few years since I last attended one of their events, but she did.[00:10:00]
They offered to pay for our wedding pictures slash video as a gift. How sweet is that? They're really amazing people.
CHELSEY DONN: Okay, now I'm even more convinced that this is fake. Or, and, or, and, or, coerced, like, extremely coerced. Really? Yes, Trey. They're paying for their photo, like, it's just like, okay, so, if I meet my significant other on your thing, then you're gonna pay for my wedding photos. Like, it just feels so I don't believe it.
You sent me a picture of the engagement ring. I mean, it, it, it could be Elizabeth
TREY GERRALD: has also attached a photo, so you'll see it up on the screen now.
CHELSEY DONN: Am I just like a total cynic because I'm single and I just like. Don't want to believe that this is true. [00:11:00] Maybe I don't know but I also feel like it. It's just like
too Complimentary, but maybe that's just
TREY GERRALD: the verbose way that Elizabeth speaks
CHELSEY DONN: It could be it could be um, all right the spelling and grammar Was fine,
TREY GERRALD: right?
Like is there is there any unique valuable information? I would say if you see a photo of an engagement ring in a review of this thing, then that's probably going to be valuable. If we look a little deeper, are we starting to question? But if this
CHELSEY DONN: is the same company that has actors and stand ins, I feel like it's pretty easy to find, like Literally, you can just Google a picture of an engagement ring.
TREY GERRALD: Touche. Thank you. I have several for drag.
CHELSEY DONN: Uh, that's right. That could
TREY GERRALD: be your hand. This looks like, how dare you, I have much prettier fingers. No offense, Elizabeth, that was a joke. Okay. Um, okay. Yeah. Spelling
CHELSEY DONN: grammar [00:12:00] is fine.
TREY GERRALD: Like, there's not really anything to talk about. Right. And then obviously been going back and
CHELSEY DONN: forth on the truthful shady.
The shady scale is high for me, but maybe I'm a cynic.
TREY GERRALD: Well, it's funny because I didn't get that read on the first
CHELSEY DONN: one,
TREY GERRALD: like at all, except I was like, why is she saying like the restaurant? Like this is so weird. Yeah. But when you started putting out, I was like, Oh, but then it is sort of like, Oh, I totally buy that.
Right. And then I'm also like, it's so valuable. I know how valuable it would be to have a engagement ring. Totally. Review. Right.
CHELSEY DONN: You mean like it's valuable for the company.
TREY GERRALD: Mm hmm.
CHELSEY DONN: Yeah. I mean, there must be, at very least, there's like, a big incentive, like, if you write us a review, and like, you've met here, we will pay for your, you know, like, there's gotta be [00:13:00] We'll pick your wedding pictures.
Exactly. I was like, I thought she was gonna say they paid for the frickin wedding.
TREY GERRALD: I know, I thought I was gonna say that at first, too. Like what? Okay. Yeah.
CHELSEY DONN: So do we think that this is common? I mean, you were in the five star world. Did you come across other engagements?
TREY GERRALD: To be fair, there weren't that many to pick from.
CHELSEY DONN: Okay.
TREY GERRALD: Just full disclosure. Sure. And um, the ones that were, were sort of like, you know, they were like cynically, you know, Realistic that it's like a crapshoot. I mean, no matter how you go about dating, no matter what the convention is that you put around it. It's like, you know,
CHELSEY DONN: yeah, I think that's it. I think I wish there was a little bit more of that in like that groundedness in the reviewer.
It was like I had the hardest time dating. I had the hardest time. Like, give me something. Give me something. Give me story. Okay. All right. So I feel
TREY GERRALD: that to like something. I don't know why, but [00:14:00] something doesn't. I don't like Elizabeth. Like, if it was that easy,
CHELSEY DONN: you, like, you wouldn't even need the speed dating.
Like, I don't know. It's like, give me a little drama, Elizabeth. I want more.
TREY GERRALD: But sometimes people don't have any drama in their life. How is that possible, Trey? I don't know, but sometimes people just f ing go to a singles cruise and they f ing get engaged.
CHELSEY DONN: I guess. But then I, even more so. Think that Elizabeth is the anomaly.
Were we humored? I was humored by the circle line. I thought
TREY GERRALD: you were going to say Elizabeth is the devil. I don't know why I thought that's what you were going
CHELSEY DONN: to say. No, I don't think that they're the devil. I think they might be Jen.
Oh, really? Maybe. Well, Jen, let us know. Was it
CHELSEY DONN: you? Defend yourself.
TREY GERRALD: Humor, entertained.
CHELSEY DONN: I told you I was entertained by the circle line, but I'm entertained by the idea of calling something a cruise that is just [00:15:00] like a little like dip rum and hat.
TREY GERRALD: Oh, but like so many companies do that. I know. I know. I don't know how entertained I am. My whole perspective has been shifted from this conversation.
So that is entertaining. Okay.
CHELSEY DONN: Interesting. Yes. Okay. So the impact, do you feel like if you are just looking at Chrissy and Elizabeth C comparing their reviews? Do you think it's worth it to go to this company?
TREY GERRALD: You know, maybe this is the proof of concept on this, these versus episodes because I literally came into today being like, there's no denying the, it's like a engagement ring.
Like that's what you want. But I feel so influenced by Chris sees on star that I'm like, let me go back and look at these other 64 reviews. Because I don't, I don't know. I feel like the truth always lands a little in the middle, [00:16:00] but I, where Chris C had so many meticulous points about X, Y, and Z could be fact checked or exaggerate, whatever.
We don't get much of anything from our five star, which may be like the proof, you know, a picture's worth a thousand words. But even the fact that the hand isn't like with the man or like maybe you don't want to put his face on but it's like, I don't know. I really feel completely different than how I thought I would at this coming into this episode.
Alright,
CHELSEY DONN: well I think you should think about that while we crown. Should we do it?
TREY GERRALD: Yeah, let's do it. Okay. Okay.
CHELSEY DONN: The queens
are tabulating. Time
VOICEOVER: for school.
CHELSEY DONN: Okay, I'm holding up two crowns. Trey's holding up three and a half crowns. I'll go first. I just don't believe them. I think that maybe I'm a total cynic and that's where the two [00:17:00] crowns came from because I could be totally wrong and Elizabeth C maybe really did, you're the one in a million and you met your person.
It's totally possible that it could have happened, but because I didn't have any gravitas there, I didn't have anything else to really balance out the review. It felt really saccharine to me and because of that, I could only give you two crowns, but Trey gave you three and a half, so why'd you do that?
TREY GERRALD: Just because. In the details, Elizabeth points out they took the cruise in March of 2013, they leave a review in April of 2015, and then they show the engagement of December of 2018. So there's a long enough, I mean, I don't know, the whole timeline of this Yelp review section is confusing to me. Yes. With when Jen chooses to reply.
It's like. Also, it's worth nothing, but there [00:18:00] is a reply from the owner that's literally, Hi Elizabeth, thank you very much for sharing your experience with the Yelp community. Like that's your reply to someone who has an engagement ring photo?
CHELSEY DONN: Weird, weird. Especially considering how passionate we were about our last reply
TREY GERRALD: and when you like offered to pay for their pictures and videos Like you just wrote one sentence,
CHELSEY DONN: right?
TREY GERRALD: Something's odd Yeah,
CHELSEY DONN: I don't know I don't think I'm gonna use this company,
TREY GERRALD: sorry I don't know guys if you have been to any of these events Let us know in the comments Are there any like speed dating organizations that you do recommend? Let us know in the comments because I feel like
CHELSEY DONN: what makes a good speed dating event.
TREY GERRALD: Oh,
asking our audience.
TREY GERRALD: I think being clumped into [00:19:00] groups based on your favorite diva.
CHELSEY DONN: I think so. I think that was a great idea. Okay. Someone should take note of that.
TREY GERRALD: Watch that's going to become like the next million dollar idea.
CHELSEY DONN: Right. Better be patented by us. We have so many patents here on Review That Review.
All right. Well, that was super fun. I'm glad that we did that. I feel thank you again, Taylor, for the suggestion. I feel like it was a good one. I think this was fertile soil, and I'm really glad we did this. Love you, Queens. Keep your crowns up. We'll see you on Wednesday for an entirely new topic. I wonder what it will be.
TREY GERRALD: Hmm, so curious. So curious.
CHELSEY DONN: That's my beard.
TREY GERRALD: And please like, comment, subscribe, share, do all the things, do the big one. It's free for you. It's so meaningful to us.
CHELSEY DONN: So meaningful. Thank you so much for being here. Love you. See you soon. Love you,
TREY GERRALD: Queens. Bye.
CHELSEY DONN: Sign up directly on Apple Podcasts to hear our weekly Members Only After Show.
Unlock additional benefits when you [00:20:00] become a Patreon member at review. review. com slash Patreon. Follow us on all the socials at the review queens and join our mailing list@reviewthatreview.com. Arc vetch line is open 24 7 at 1 8 5 0 review zero. Don't be a ogana. Call the kvetch line today. Ah, so fun.
TREY GERRALD: Honestly, I'm so glad I don't have to do a speed dating event '
CHELSEY DONN: cause you're married. Some of us might need to actually go on speed date.
TREY GERRALD: I just think that even if I was single, that is not the environment for me to thrive in.
CHELSEY DONN: It seems like very stressful, like it's just too, but also maybe it's good because if it's speed dating and I'm like, this is awkward, it's thank you next.
I don't know.
TREY GERRALD: I don't know. Something about that. Just how does anyone, what if we did a
CHELSEY DONN: review, like a review queen's speed dating? What would that
TREY GERRALD: be?
CHELSEY DONN: Okay, so it'd be like, you'd be looped together by your [00:21:00] favorite review platform.
TREY GERRALD: Oh, yes. That sounds good.
CHELSEY DONN: And you would talk about, maybe you would share like a favorite review and see if you like get along based on your decided humor about reviews.
TREY GERRALD: The Kleenex review.
CHELSEY DONN: The Kleenex review. That we both brought
TREY GERRALD: in.
CHELSEY DONN: We did. We did. I re listened to that episode recently. If you haven't listened to it, it's a winner. It's from the first Thanksgiving episode. All right.
TREY GERRALD: Queens. We love you guys.
CHELSEY DONN: We love you.
TREY GERRALD: See you soon.
CHELSEY DONN: Bye. Thanks
Review That Review is an independent podcast. Certain names have been redacted or changed to protect the guilty. Executive produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound designed by me with voiceover talents by Eva Kaminsky. Our cover art was designed by LogoVora and our theme song was written by Joe Kinosian and sung by Natalie Weiss.
Photo by Girl with red hat on Unsplash
Commentaires