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TRANSCRIPT of Episode 22: "Pepto-Bismol Chews / Le Bernardin"

Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald
Episode 22: "Pepto-Bismol Chews / Le Bernardin"


THEME SONG: [00:00:00] Everybody's got an opinion.

Every Californian and Virginian.

It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.

Someone's gotta settle the score.

Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!

Whose views win, which ones lose.

Online haters are comin' for you!

Baby, it's time to Review That Review!

[00:00:30] Chelsey Donn: Hello.

[00:00:31] Trey Gerrald: Hi everyone. Welcome to Review That Review! The podcast dedicated to reviewing

[00:00:37] Chelsey Donn: Reviews. We're just like Siskel and Ebert only instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we rate and review those hilarious scathing and sometimes suspicious online reviews.

[00:00:48] Trey Gerrald: That's Chelsey Donn.

[00:00:49] Chelsey Donn: And that's Trey Gerrald!

[00:00:51] Trey Gerrald: And together we're

[00:00:53] VOICEOVER: The Review Queens.

[00:00:57] Trey Gerrald: Hey Chelsey girl. How's your crown.

[00:00:59] Chelsey Donn: Hey Trey. My crown is good. I just had a very productive writing meeting with Amy and we made some nice decisions and edits. And I'm very excited about the direction of this next draft. So just coming off of the excitement of that!

[00:01:17] Trey Gerrald: Yay!

[00:01:17] Chelsey Donn: To get even more excitement by being here in recording this podcast with you, how is your week going, Trey?

[00:01:24] Trey Gerrald: I'm having a really good week. You know, it was actually a little gloomy out today, which was a little bizarre. And, um, our fire alarm batteries just started dying throughout the house, but they're connected to like ADT. So when you unscrew it to change the battery, an alarm goes off, which is like really obnoxious. And then they're like not standard batteries. Like they're like a very specific kind and I'm not going to buy them from ADT. So I had to like order them on Amazon, you know, there'll be coming tomorrow. Yeah, exactly. That's occurring. But you know, it's such a gift to be able to have fire protection.

[00:02:01] Chelsey Donn: Do you hear that, like, 'beep...beep?'

[00:02:03] Trey Gerrald: Yeah. Yeah. I had to deal with it. Cause I didn't want it to show up in this recording.

[00:02:07] Chelsey Donn: Oh yeah. Oh good point. Yeah. Yeah. That's a lot.

[00:02:11] Trey Gerrald: Anyway. Well, is there anything specific that you would like to complain about? Would you maybe like to,

[00:02:18] Lodge A Complaint!

[00:02:18] VOICEOVER: Lodge A Complaint!

[00:02:19] Chelsey Donn: Yeah, I need to lodge a complaint today, as it turns out, I want a Lodge A Complaint. I don't know who my Complaint should really be directed to if it's just that like, I want more sympathy or what it is, but like I want to lodge a complaint against period cramps. And I'm sorry if like our male audience has exited, but like it's a real thing. And. The worst thing about it is that it has, you have it, you experience it on the one hand. You're like, okay, thank God. At least for me, it's like, I PCOS. So I'm like, oh, I'm healthy. It's coming. Like, I'm, I'm grateful, but like I'm in pain and it's annoying. And I have to know that if all things go well, like if everything goes, according to plan, I will be in this pain again in a month. I just don't think we talk about it enough openly. It's just like amongst girlfriends, you're kind of like, Ugh, can you believe this? This is terrible. The worst cramps. And they're all like, I understand, I hear you girl. But I think globally let's have this conversation because women were just walking through the world like this, still running, running things and getting things done. But you know, it's real. So I'm lodging a complaint.

[00:03:25] Trey Gerrald: Well, You know, I have a friend who has 'P-COS' as well. And ... Callback!

[00:03:30] Chelsey Donn: I don't know, did we do that in the rehearsals or in an episode? I don't know if people know about that.

[00:03:36] Trey Gerrald: I think I remember transcribing it, so I think it is in an actual episode

[00:03:39] Chelsey Donn: Oh, it's in the Laverne Cox..

[00:03:42] Trey Gerrald: Episode one, two or three. One of those. Yes, yes, no, I hear you. It makes me think of, I'm not similar, but it is similar. There is this whole culture of, female suppression, something that really bothers me. And I think there is a comedian who has this in their thing, but it ha it is something that has always bothered me. Why are pad commercials? Why don't they use a blue liquid to simulate the effect? I understand red is like, like it is gross, but it's like, but we all know what a pad is for. Like, when you change the color, it's just perpetuating this. Shh. We don't talk about the female body. Like you know, there's so much systematic stuff against women that you know, it's stupid.

[00:04:28] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. It really is. I mean,

[00:04:30] Trey Gerrald: I'm sorry you're cramping.

[00:04:31] Chelsey Donn: Thank you. Thank you for saying that. Cause like, Ooh, it's been a day in terms of that.

[00:04:37] Trey Gerrald: So I applaud you for being productive today in the midst.

[00:04:41] Chelsey Donn: Yes. If I was like in school and in gym class, I would be like, I need to sit out today. You know, I'm not going swimming. Anyway, that's my Complaint. Tell us, Trey, what's going on with your life?

[00:04:55] Trey Gerrald: Okay. So this occurred to me the moment after I closed my complaint about parallel parking. So I'm, I have to Lodge it because it's related and, and I don't, there is no solution. There's no way to fix the problem unless we paint slots, but I'm talking about parallel parking, the little tiny gaps from when someone has parked not close enough, or someone has parked too close. And then the rest of that side of the street goes along with fitting onto the street. So then there's not enough spot left, but there's just a tiny little sliver.

[00:05:34] Chelsey Donn: Right. Because if you had a motorcycle, you would be good, but the car..

[00:05:38] Trey Gerrald: Or one of those weird compacts, like two-door cars, it just, it makes me so angry when it's like, you see that someone could have parked closer, but then you're like, well maybe whoever was there.

[00:05:50] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. We don't know when the dominoes started. It's like, did it, where are you the person in front of you? Or they just like doing what they need to do and following along or did they start it?

[00:06:00] Trey Gerrald: So it bothers me because we have lines for parking lots. So why don't we have lines for parallel parking? Is it because of motorcycles and smaller size vehicles? I mean, maybe it would be more obnoxious if like,

[00:06:13] Chelsey Donn: If there were lines? Well also it's just, yeah. I mean, there are lines when you're, you're when you're paying at like a pay meter thingy.

[00:06:21] Trey Gerrald: Correct.

[00:06:22] Chelsey Donn: So like, there are times in LA where you'll parallel park and there will be lines because you got to pay for it. But if it's free, it's not coming with lines.

[00:06:31] Trey Gerrald: Right. I, so like where did that, where did that logic start? I don't know. I don't know what the solution is, but it really,

[00:06:38] Chelsey Donn: I wonder if it's just cause there's all different sizes of cars parking, you can street park your humongous van, if you should be so lucky to find a large enough spot, or you could street park a smart car, whereas maybe with some of these metered parking, it's like, okay, well, if you can't fit there, then you gotta find a commercial lot somewhere or something.

[00:06:57] Trey Gerrald: And I do think that it is an issue that only arises in ginormous cities, where there is such a surplus of vehicles, because if it isn't like that many cars, then you don't really ever encounter the situation where there's a little bit of a gap that is too small for a car, but like could almost fit a car, you know? Like that drives me crazy.

[00:07:19] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. Like it's the worst when you're circling or when someone's like, what about that spot? And you're like, I don't know how, like, how am I supposed to just put myself into a shrink wrap thing and,

[00:07:29] Trey Gerrald: oh, it's going to be a fire hydrant. And then you walk in, it's not, it's just small.

[00:07:34] Chelsey Donn: A small spot exactly. Or hate when it's just like a little bit too small, but whatever.

[00:07:40] Trey Gerrald: The worst. All right. Well, I do feel better that is out in the open and I think Chelsey. We should jump into some online reviews.

[00:07:48] Chelsey Donn: I think we should jump into some online reviews. That's a great idea. Let's do that. So as you guys already know, thank you for listening in again, we are your trusty Review Queens. We each bring in a review from the internet that we feel needs to be inspected.

[00:08:02] Trey Gerrald: We read you the review, we break it down and we rate the impact of that review on a scale from one to five crowns, it is a very Regal process that Chelsey and I call

[00:08:12] VOICEOVER: Assess That Kvetch!

[00:08:14] Chelsey Donn: Alright, you're first, today.

[00:08:15] Trey Gerrald: Okey dokey pokey.

[00:08:17] Chelsey Donn: Take it away, RQ! ...just warming up for Meryl-Go-Round just in case I have to do Opera Diva later.

[00:08:25] Trey Gerrald: I don't know if my stomach can handle this.

[00:08:27] Chelsey Donn: You can handle this, Trey. You got this!

[00:08:31] Pepto-Bismol Chews Review

[00:08:31] VOICEOVER: Review, That Review.

[00:08:35] Trey Gerrald: All right. Today I have a two star review from This is for Pepto-Bismol!