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TRANSCRIPT of Episode 35: "Wireless Key Tracker / Manic Panic Hair Bleach"

Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald
Episode 35: "Wireless Key Tracker / Manic Panic Hair Bleach"


*Please Pardon any spelling errors!

THEME SONG: [00:00:00] Everybody's got an opinion.

Every Californian and Virginian.

It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.

Someone's gotta settle the score.

Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!

Whose views win, which ones lose.

Online haters are comin' for you!

Baby, it's time to Review That Review!

RTR 35.1

[00:00:00] VOICEOVER: [Theme Song]

[00:00:30] Chelsey Donn: Hello

[00:00:31] Trey Gerrald: Well, hello, Welcome to Review That Review! The podcast dedicated to reviewing

[00:00:37] Chelsey Donn: reviews. We're just like Siskel and Ebert only instead of reviewing cinematic, masterpieces, we rate and review those hilarious scathing and sometimes suspicious online reviews.

[00:00:49] Trey Gerrald: that's Chelsey Donn,

[00:00:51] Chelsey Donn: And that's Trey Gerrald.

[00:00:53] Trey Gerrald: and together we are.

[00:00:55] VOICEOVER: The Review Queens!

[00:00:59] Trey Gerrald: And if you want to support the show while getting bonus and exclusive content, including a members only after show podcast, visit our Patrion page at Chelsey girl, Happy Black History Month!

[00:01:16] Trey Gerrald: How's your week going?

[00:01:18] Chelsey Donn: my week is going, I was a little bit under the weather. I'm just coming out of that. So that's an exciting new chapter, hopefully. How was your week?

[00:01:28] Trey Gerrald: You know, I'm having a good week. I love, February and a Groundhog's day and all of that such, uh, also my dad's birthday is next. Yes, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was an interesting musical. Actually. I actually, David and I enjoyed Groundhog's day the musical, but a lot of people did not share that.

[00:01:47] Chelsey Donn: I actually asked my mom a couple of weeks ago, like, what's your favorite movie? And she said, groundhogs Day.

[00:01:53] Trey Gerrald: Well, you can imagine in the musical, there's like a sequence where he like wakes up on the day, like nine times in a row. So that was like a very cool theatrical to see that onstage live over. And like back to back, it was like a magic show, but my week is good. My dad's birthday is

[00:02:08] Chelsey Donn: the, I love the walking into the puddle part. Sorry. I love the puddle part.

[00:02:13] Trey Gerrald: I don't know if that's in the musical. I've never seen the movie.

[00:02:16] Chelsey Donn: You've never seen the movie. Get the hell out of here. You're getting

[00:02:20] Trey Gerrald: no Bill Murray?

[00:02:22] Chelsey Donn: Yep. Bill Murray, Andie MacDowell. That guy that's in Schitt's Creek. Rolling. Shit's

[00:02:29] Trey Gerrald: Oh,

[00:02:30] Chelsey Donn: rolling.

[00:02:31] Trey Gerrald: what's that guy's

[00:02:32] Chelsey Donn: his name.

[00:02:32] Trey Gerrald: Use my strong. And do you know what that was?

[00:02:37] Chelsey Donn: What wait. Oh, you, I don't know. Is that mean a scary movie?

[00:02:42] Trey Gerrald: It might be the second.

[00:02:43] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. Scary movie tale when he has like the little, yeah. Anyway, it's like Groundhog's day here at Review That Review because once again, another week has gone by and we're going to do it. We are going to.

[00:02:57] Lodge A Complaint

[00:02:57] VOICEOVER: Lodge A Complaint!

[00:02:58] Trey Gerrald: All right. So this week I am going to lodge a complaint against something that I'm currently at this very second struggling with, and I'm just going to acknowledge the elephant in the room.

[00:03:09] Chelsey Donn: Okay.

[00:03:10] Trey Gerrald: I'm going to lodge a complaint against biting the inside of your mouth because I bet the inside of my lab.

[00:03:18] Trey Gerrald: Yup. It's like, not even the lab, it's like the bottom of the lip. And so I feel like it's causing me to speak in a funny, different way. Cause I'm trying to not rub against it. I'm calling that into attention in case anyone is like, what's going on with trey's lisp today.

[00:03:33] Trey Gerrald: But I really want to lodge a complaint against accidentally biting the inside of your mouth.

[00:03:38] Trey Gerrald: And it's embarrassing, but it's usually what I'm really enjoying, like food and I'm like chewing too

[00:03:46] Chelsey Donn: no.

[00:03:47] Trey Gerrald: Oh God. Anyway, it's very humiliating. It's very painful. Um, and then you have to suffer for a few days after assets recovering. And it's a constant reminder and people are like, are you, are you talking weird?

[00:04:00] Trey Gerrald: And it's like, oh yeah. Because like, I bit myself, I'm a

[00:04:03] Chelsey Donn: then, and then if you like bite it again, like you like reactivate the wound,

[00:04:08] Trey Gerrald: Have you ever done that?

[00:04:09] Chelsey Donn: Yes, I have. Course of course I have, I do have a little bit of a Trek that could help like speed the process along. I like, I mean, and I'm almost like nervous to say it on the podcast because I'm like, don't everybody run out and get them all.

[00:04:23] Chelsey Donn: So that there's none left for me. But like I swear by a hydrogen peroxide mouthwash, like it is a game changer. And like, if you just rinse with that for a few days, couple times a day, it will heal so much faster and be out of their sister. So

[00:04:41] Trey Gerrald: going to try that because that is what hydrogen peroxide was originally used as was like an oral cleanser, which is so crazy. Cause it's so like chemical-y but all right. That's a good, I'm going to write that down.

[00:04:53] Chelsey Donn: yeah. Write it down, write it down. Don't forget.

[00:04:55] Trey Gerrald: So that's my complaint. Moving on

[00:04:58] Trey Gerrald: Chelsey. What do you want to complain about?

[00:05:00] Chelsey Donn: I can't remember if I complained about this in a rehearsal or on an episode, but either way. It still sounds. So I'm going to complain again with the whole idea of repetition hold music. I can't, I just can't do it. I want to know who's responsible for this.

[00:05:16] Chelsey Donn: And I want to know why we haven't changed it. I actually appreciate when I call somewhere and they're like, the whole time is going to be two hours. Do you want us to call you back in two hours? I actually liked that because I'm like, yeah, call me back. Because if you want me to arrive at a customer service person as my best self, I'm not going to do that.

[00:05:39] Chelsey Donn: If I'm listening to. Repeat of some, like, I don't know, Beethoven Sonata, or just like a message. That's just like, thank you for calling. Some of them will be with you shortly. We really appreciate your patience as you hold. And then when you've heard that same exact message, like a hundred times, you're like, I am losing my patients stop saying that, find something new to say,

[00:06:03] Trey Gerrald: I agree there, the cyclical ness of the recordings, when that becomes transparent. That is excrutiatingly maddening.

[00:06:11] Chelsey Donn: That's some form of hell, which is why the callback, we should just all do the call to act like it's just time.

[00:06:18] Trey Gerrald: I wonder who invented that? That's such a genius. That should be a, My Royal Highness.

[00:06:22] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. Oh, true. Oh, always going to exercise that option, you know,

[00:06:28] Trey Gerrald: Agreed. All right. Well, that was fun. So should we take all of this and jump into some online reviews? Chels

[00:06:35] Chelsey Donn: Please as you know, we are your trustee Review! Queens. We each bring in a review from the internet that we feel needs to be inspected.

[00:06:43] Trey Gerrald: we read you the Review!. We break it down and rate the impact of the review on a scale from one to five crowns. It is a very Regal process that.

[00:06:52] VOICEOVER: Assess that kvetch

[00:06:54] Trey Gerrald: And Chelsey girl, your first today,

[00:06:58] Chelsey Donn: I am.

[00:07:00] Trey Gerrald: woop,

[00:07:01] Wireless Key Tracker 5 Star Review

[00:07:01] Trey Gerrald: take it away. RQ.

[00:07:02] VOICEOVER: Review That Review.

[00:07:09] Chelsey Donn: All right. Okay. So first off the bat, you guys, I just want to say that this is going to be a long one. So go ahead and buckle into whatever it is that you're sitting on, because Um, this Review! is an Amazon review for a product with one of the titles that infuriates me.

[00:07:27] Chelsey Donn: So let's, let's, uh, get started. It is Key Finder, Esky 80 D B R F item locator with 131 feet working range wireless key tracker with one transmitter and four receivers for finding wallet, remote pet and passport receiver batteries included.

[00:07:53] VOICEOVER: Supercalifragilistic XB.

[00:07:57] Chelsey Donn: Oh, yes. Yes, it is. It is one of those like, fob things that you put on your keys or whatever it is that you keep losing so that you can find it. It'll like ding for you or whatever.

[00:08:09] Trey Gerrald: Got it.

[00:08:10] Chelsey Donn: and that's what it is. So this Review! is actually a five star review. This is written by LisaInSeattle. It is a five star review verified purchase.

[00:08:23] Trey Gerrald: that's the username, Lisa in

[00:08:25] Trey Gerrald: Seattle.

[00:08:26] Chelsey Donn: is the username. I feel a lot of Lisas on this show for some reason, Do we? "Oy Lisa."

[00:08:34] Trey Gerrald: Hi, Lisa. Right.

[00:08:36] Chelsey Donn: I, I leased that. Right. Okay. So the title of this Review! is tortoise adventures. And then in parentheses, it says with poetry,

[00:08:49] Trey Gerrald: What?,

[00:08:49] Chelsey Donn: Get ready.

[00:08:51] Chelsey Donn: There once was a tortoise, her friends call her Clyde.

[00:08:56] Chelsey Donn: She likes to go wandering and then likes to hide.

[00:08:59] Trey Gerrald: No.

[00:09:00] Chelsey Donn: A remote little corner. A tortoise-size nook,

[00:09:04] Chelsey Donn: maybe under the dresser or nestled with books.

[00:09:08] Chelsey Donn: The darker, the better, a good place to snooze,

[00:09:12] Chelsey Donn: all quiet and comfy is where she will choose.

[00:09:17] Chelsey Donn: It's all well and good till it's time to come home.

[00:09:21] Chelsey Donn: You think I could find her, but this time, heck no.

[00:09:26] Chelsey Donn: Will she come when called? She's a tortoise, so no.

[00:09:32] Chelsey Donn: Will she make any noise? She never has. It's the boys that tend to make noise and then under very special circumstances.

[00:09:44] Chelsey Donn: Will she snooze for, well she's snooze for the better part of three or four days or more because it's winter and that's what she does. Yeah.

[00:09:57] Chelsey Donn: So given the above, after a couple of cursory searches, did I then crawl around on my hands and knees with a flashlight at 11:00 PM? Yes. Twice?! Yes. The second time did I break out my professional grade knee pads? Because nobody over the age of 12 should be crawling around on hardwood floors. AKA, I'm too old for this crap. Yes.

[00:10:31] Chelsey Donn: Did I spend a restless night dreaming of turtle, gobbling house coyotes, and turtle size holes in my walls where she could fall into the crawl space and get trapped and starved to death. Yet she owes me big for that. The next morning, did I begin to methodically tear up my house? Moving every piece of furniture that she could conceivably hide behind looking in places that a baby mouse couldn't squeeze into much less a one and a half pound tortoise.

[00:11:14] Chelsey Donn: Why? Yes. Yes I did. And thanks for asking.

[00:11:20] Chelsey Donn: Did I drag out the vacuum cleaner because OMG, it's astonishing. How much dust accumulates under there?

[00:11:30] Trey Gerrald: No.

[00:11:30] Chelsey Donn: Sigh. Yes. Halfway through. Did I enlist the assistance of a highly amused friend? Yes, highly amused. And did we find the errand tortoise five minutes later in the very next closet? Of course we did the same closet that I had looked in three times already, at least three times. Do I have any clue how she got in there? Because I don't remember that particular door being open at any point the day before. Nope. Still no idea. Do I absolutely love this product? Seriously? At this point, do you have to ask?

[00:12:19] Chelsey Donn: Yes. I highly recommend this product. Especially for anyone with a small house, roaming, tortoise.

[00:12:30] Chelsey Donn: PS: right... the actual Review! I like this product because it's small and light enough not to bother the tortoise. You can replace the battery. And there are four fobs in case she gets another friend or three.

[00:12:46] Chelsey Donn: Her current friend has exactly two hiding places. And I know them both. I also liked that. Base oriented and not app oriented apps can get updated past the phones OS. Get deprecated or otherwise just go away. EG the company gets bought and tanked by a competitor. This thing worked day one and will work after the zombie apocalypse takes out the internets.

[00:13:20] Chelsey Donn: P P S: kiddies don't use anything permanent to attach no glue or Velcro or even super sticky tape. Your tortoise can definitely feel it, her shells a lot like your fingernail and her spine is actually at the very top. I use low adhesive masking tape, then stuck it to my sweatshirt once or twice for good measure. Worked like a champ.

[00:13:50] Chelsey Donn: P P P S. Her name is P P P P S. Her name isn't really Clyde, but I'm claiming poetic license. I am an Amazon reviewer, not the poet Laureate.

[00:14:17] Chelsey Donn: Oh man. Yeah. Yeah. Trey. I've never seen you speechless before.

[00:14:28] Trey Gerrald: I am so repulsed.

[00:14:31] Chelsey Donn: like she took all the words. You have none. Talk to me.

[00:14:38] Trey Gerrald: First of all,

[00:14:39] Chelsey Donn: Yes.

[00:14:39] Trey Gerrald: I actually really liked the name Clyde, especially for a female. I think that's like very cute.

[00:14:44] Chelsey Donn: But LisaInSeattle was lying to us the whole time.

[00:14:48] Trey Gerrald: What do you think its real name as like Michelle.

[00:14:50] Chelsey Donn: Oh, God, there's so many weird things about this. Review! that's just like One, but take us in.

[00:14:56] Trey Gerrald: Okay. So first of all, I can't even get over the fact that you would put a GPS tracker on a live animal.

[00:15:02] Chelsey Donn: Oh, by the way, there's a photo of the tortoise with the tracker attached to it, with like a very large strip of masking tape. And that's like the first that's the photo before the Pelham at, before the, I don't even know what to call this, honestly.

[00:15:18] Trey Gerrald: there are companies that make dog and cat callers

[00:15:21] Chelsey Donn: Right?

[00:15:22] Chelsey Donn: Sure.

[00:15:23] Trey Gerrald: thing built on the collar that feels more humane than like using masking tape. Also question for spelling question though, the M P P S.

[00:15:34] Chelsey Donn: Yeah.

[00:15:34] Trey Gerrald: Is it kitties or kiddies like kids. K I D D I E S

[00:15:39] Chelsey Donn: Dee Dee Dee Dee,

[00:15:40] Trey Gerrald: oh, I was so confused. I was like, why would you put sticky stuff on a cat?

[00:15:45] Trey Gerrald: I thought we were talking about a tortoise

[00:15:47] Chelsey Donn: No. Like she was like, at that point she was being, I was like teacher moment, like kids thinking they're going to do this with their Torres. Don't do this. Yeah.

[00:15:55] Trey Gerrald: you know, Lisa from Seattle,

[00:15:58] Chelsey Donn: in Seattle, LisaInSeattle

[00:16:01] Trey Gerrald: what I say.

[00:16:01] Chelsey Donn: from

[00:16:02] Trey Gerrald: Oh, wait, is it I N or just a capital N

[00:16:06] Chelsey Donn: I N.

[00:16:07] Trey Gerrald: oh, I actually have that written down. I don't know why I said from a, because I I'm thinking of sleepless in Seattle, but that's still an that's not free anyway. All right. I don't think that I need to ever know when I'm reading or review for a key fob GPS tracker, that someone has a lot of dust under their couch.

[00:16:27] Chelsey Donn: oh my God. Try. Like, that's just like one of the many things we learned in this Review! that are completely unnecessary. I mean, literally isolate PS and then Chuck, the rest

[00:16:39] Trey Gerrald: That was going to be

[00:16:40] Chelsey Donn: kill your darlings. LisaInSeattle. Ain't nobody got time for them.

[00:16:45] Trey Gerrald: I mean, that really occurred to me. Like if you have to say quote, P S the actual Review! you're doing, you're reviewing wrong.

[00:16:54] Chelsey Donn: Yeah, you're doing much,

[00:16:56] Trey Gerrald: raw. It's too much. This is wrong.

[00:16:58] Chelsey Donn: it's too much. It had potential to be funny. Like when I first read it, I was like, if we would've just done the like rhyme joke and then kind of just like went into the Review! it might've been like, oh, good for you, LisaInSeattle for trying to be creative.

[00:17:13] Chelsey Donn: But because we went on and on.

[00:17:16] Trey Gerrald: yeah, no, I agree. I think like they really lost the humor by going on too long.

[00:17:22] Chelsey Donn: Too long what's with the rhetorical questions.

[00:17:27] Trey Gerrald: So many also, I love that Lisa talks about the search for, for Clyde, who is, I guess, named Angelica, uh, that they were doing cursory searches, which is what I think like we do every week for these reviews,

[00:17:44] Chelsey Donn: Oh, my God. So cursory. I know, but like you understand this is a five-star review. I don't usually bring these in, but when I saw this, I was just like, oh my God, how could I

[00:17:53] Trey Gerrald: No, this is a great selection, you know, I will say, I think that so much of this review is inappropriate and insane. And just to turn off because they think they're being more clever than they are. It's total cringe.

[00:18:07] Chelsey Donn: so cringe the whole time and especially cause they kept referencing the audience and being like, don't you want to know this detail? And you're like, no, LisaInSeattle. I don't. Yeah.

[00:18:16] Chelsey Donn: Yeah

[00:18:16] Trey Gerrald: But LisaInSeattle does in their first PS at the end, they mentioned actually really great points. I've never considered the value of a base versus an app that could eventually be outdated or sold off to a company that closes. I've never considered that.

[00:18:33] Chelsey Donn: also like, you know, even the generation above us, it's like, then they have to learn how to use an app. This is easy. That's why it's a shame. Cause it's like there there's a kernel of truth. Once we get to the review of it all.

[00:18:48] Trey Gerrald: But I think you really lose your audience if you're not providing what the point is until the PS you've lost the audience.

[00:18:56] Chelsey Donn: And also like how far down the PS trained? We feel like one can go, like, I don't think I've ever written a P P PS. I feel like if you're there again, edit

[00:19:09] Trey Gerrald: Yeah. It feels like a note you would write, like in school to your friend, like check yes-no PSPS, PPB,

[00:19:16] Chelsey Donn: like, yeah. Like it's very odd how old we think that Lisa is.

[00:19:21] Trey Gerrald: That's an interesting question because that, I don't know. I kind of thought they were probably in their forties, but, but I also don't

[00:19:29] Chelsey Donn: well, they do say like I'm too old for this crap,

[00:19:33] Trey Gerrald: oh, you're right.

[00:19:34] Chelsey Donn: they think of themselves as old.

[00:19:37] Trey Gerrald: Yeah, I don't, I don't understand the intention of writing a poem.

[00:19:40] Chelsey Donn: I just think this is someone who God has a lot of time on their hands. Maybe took a funny photo, texted it to their friend, Diane in Phoenix. And like Diane and Phoenix was like, oh my God, Lisa and Seattle, that's the funniest thing I've ever seen. You should write a review about it.

[00:20:01] Trey Gerrald: I feel like Lisa and Seattle tortoise is like their personality trait. I think they lead with that for. I don't think LisaInSeattle spends a lot of time looking in the eyes of the person that they're speaking to, to see the reception of what they think is interesting, because I just think this misses the mark on so many things.

[00:20:22] Trey Gerrald: The value here, I think comes in the PS, but I'm annoyed that it's in the PS. I do think that I think LisaInSeattle is being truthful. Because I appreciate the salient points they make about the base versus the app. And that they, you know, we're able to actually like find their little one and a half pound tortoise, you know, but I mean, do we think that that's common?

[00:20:44] Trey Gerrald: I can't even tell it's like, what, who else is buying this for a pet? Like what you be buying this for your key chain or to put in your wallet or on your phone or something?

[00:20:53] Chelsey Donn: Well, what's interesting about that is like 2,249 people have marked this helpful. So this is the first Review! that you come across. If you go to this page and it's my hypothesis, that this is really just a key finder, but then when the person. that was selling the product saw in their own reviews that the top Review!

[00:21:19] Chelsey Donn: is this tortoise story. They added Petfinder to the title. Just the hypothesis.

[00:21:28] Trey Gerrald: Oh, was that in the supercalifragilistic

[00:21:30] Chelsey Donn: It was, it was like towards the app, like it was like, Yeah, but it, you know what I mean? Like if, if I could see that as a consumer of this product, I'm sure whoever's running this page. Looking at the backend knows that their top Review!

[00:21:44] Chelsey Donn: is tortoise adventures with poetry, by Lisa, in Seattle and with a picture of a tortoise with the device tape to it. And it has so many likes that it's probably like dragging up their ranking. So if you can't beat them, join them. And then they just added to the title.

[00:22:01] Trey Gerrald: I mean,

[00:22:02] Chelsey Donn: No,

[00:22:03] Trey Gerrald: I, I am ready to crown this, but I want to ask you, cause we didn't discuss the Chelsey to spit out her drink.

[00:22:11] Chelsey Donn: I just think it's so funny. Cause you're like so annoyed by LisaInSeattle that you're like, I'm done. I don't want to talk about her anymore. Right now. I know

[00:22:18] Trey Gerrald: What is the spelling and grammar?

[00:22:20] Chelsey Donn: spelling and grammar is excellent. All very good. It looks like a very long essay.

[00:22:27] Trey Gerrald: I get that.

[00:22:28] Chelsey Donn: Like it's written, it's broken into paragraphs and stuff.

[00:22:32] Trey Gerrald: Do you know how many paragraphs there are?

[00:22:34] Chelsey Donn: Well, the, the, the poem is four stanzas.

[00:22:38] Chelsey Donn: And then after the bomb, we have 16 paragraphs.

[00:22:44] Trey Gerrald: That's 28 paragraphs in total, LisaInSeattle. I'm ready to crown you let's do it. All right. So Chelsey and I have our own set of one to five crown cards and in an effort to be fair and not influenced by one another, we will simultaneously reveal our ratings.

[00:23:04] Chelsey Donn: Oy Lisa.

[00:23:05] VOICEOVER: The Queens are Tabulating.

[00:23:13] Chelsey Donn: Oh, interesting. Trey is holding up two and a half crowds for LisaInSeattle. We thought he was like, really not into, and I'm holding up one crown Trey. Why two and a half crowns for Lisa and yeah.

[00:23:26] Trey Gerrald: Okay. I have to just put aside that I don't think that Lisa's humor as my humor and it got very tiring and really old.

[00:23:34] Chelsey Donn: Yes.

[00:23:35] Trey Gerrald: I can't negate the fact that Lisa did actually really sell the product to me because it does make me think, oh, this is like, there's no discussion of the battery dying out.

[00:23:46] Trey Gerrald: Or it being like bad. It actually like is really great. I am not sure if like, this is animal abuse to like put this tracker on a torch, like something about that feels like. Very inappropriate. I don't know anything about tortoises, but I don't know. I just, I said two and a half because there is some valuable information.

[00:24:08] Trey Gerrald: I appreciate Lisa, you know, not taking life too seriously and wanting to be clever and cute. But if you have a 20 paragraph Review! girl, you need to edit. You need to like, like you said, trim the fat, kill your darlings. Come on. Who do you think wants to sit and read? Uh, 20 paragraph. Anything if they're not reading reader's digest.

[00:24:30] Trey Gerrald: So for that reason, I said two and a half. Oy, Lisa. All right, Chelsey, why did you say one crown?

[00:24:36] Chelsey Donn: I was going to say, first of all, Oy LisaInSeattle, you know what I mean? I can't. I have to give Lisa and Seattle one crown, mostly because. I just don't think that they get their message across, right. Like if I feel like I need to go on a scavenger hunt within your review to find the Review! you've, you've lost me.

[00:24:59] Chelsey Donn: And if you've lost me, then you're not adding value to the information that I want to get about the product. I think I would feel. I'm going to skip this because I want to find a shorter Review! that's going to actually give me the nuts and bolts. You know what I mean? So I think it's going to end up getting glossed over because it's way, way, way too heavy.

[00:25:22] Chelsey Donn: And because it, therefore is not useful as a product review, one crown for Lisa and yeah.

[00:25:29] Trey Gerrald: Word

[00:25:30] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. All right. That was a lot to chew on. So let's take a quick break. And when we come back, we can get into RQ T's Review!, which is we promise is a lot. Yeah.

[00:25:44] Trey Gerrald: BRB.

[00:25:47] VOICEOVER: Hold your Crown! We'll be right back.

[00:26:17] Ad[00:26:17] Meryl-Go-Round

[00:26:17] Chelsey Donn: Wow. Meryl's crazy

[00:26:21] Trey Gerrald: One-Star-Zinger time. All right. It's time to take a quick spin on the Meryl-Go-Round.

[00:26:26] VOICEOVER: 'I don't feel like an icon. Most of the days, I feel like

[00:26:36] Chelsey Donn: All right, Trey and I have each picked a rotten scathing, pithy One-Star-Zinger. And with 30 seconds on the clock, we'll each try to recite the zinger in as many genres as possible.

[00:26:48] Trey Gerrald: Just like queen Meryl Streep, who does it all.

[00:26:51] Chelsey Donn: Before the clock runs out. Right? Try. Where is your One-Star-Zinger from today?

[00:26:56] Trey Gerrald: All right. So it's an Amazon day and I am going second with reviews, but you will start to notice a theme today with my zinger, my review, after this break. And I have a on theme review for the after-show podcast as well. So here we go. My zinger today is written by. Kindle Customer.

[00:27:21] Chelsey Donn: Okay.

[00:27:22] Trey Gerrald: And this, uh, is for Clorox concentrated, regular bleach blue, 30 fluid ounces, Two pack. And Kindle Customer.

[00:27:35] Trey Gerrald: Wait, Kendall Customers a funny drag name.

[00:27:39] Chelsey Donn: Kendall customer. Okay.

[00:27:42] Trey Gerrald: the subject is leaked and the Review! as package was wet. Bleach shouldn't leak.

[00:27:50] Chelsey Donn: Okay. Well, I can't, I mean, I agree, I guess, with Kendall. All right. Try today. You are stopped into, um, like one of those pink Himalayan, salt lamps. Very Zen.

[00:28:07] Trey Gerrald: Great. I'm going to be warm and Himalayan and as usual, always salty

[00:28:12] Chelsey Donn: All right. You ready?

[00:28:13] Trey Gerrald: I'm ready. Let's do it.

[00:28:15] Chelsey Donn: Well, we know .That. Okay. Let's do it.

[00:28:17] VOICEOVER: Three, Two, One, GO!.

[00:28:22] Trey Gerrald: Package was wet. Bleach. Shouldn't leave.

[00:28:26] Chelsey Donn: adult film,

[00:28:27] Trey Gerrald: Ah, package was why like my pussy bleeds shouldn't leak. I believe short package was web lead. Shouldn't lay

[00:28:40] Chelsey Donn: TLC reality show.

[00:28:42] Trey Gerrald: Packers, wet blade shouldn't lake

[00:28:46] Chelsey Donn: Magic show

[00:28:47] Trey Gerrald: package was a wet bleach.

[00:28:53] Chelsey Donn: dirty, read on the pornstar

[00:28:54] Trey Gerrald: came out. All right, Chelsey, what is your One-Star-Zinger for today?

[00:29:00] Chelsey Donn: Good question. Thanks for asking. Okay. So my One-Star-Zinger, I was, you know, watching a lot of movies, cause like I said, I wasn't feeling well. And I watched this movie that is like a Diane Keaton B last, which is my favorite new genre. I've decided the movie Poms, have you seen.

[00:29:18] Trey Gerrald: No.

[00:29:19] Chelsey Donn: It's about like, like retired women that live in a like fully functioning, but like 65 plus community.

[00:29:26] Chelsey Donn: And they all have to be members of different clubs and Diane Keaton moves in and she was a cheerleader when she was a kid. So she like starts this elderly cheerleading squad. And it's actually like, in my opinion, quite. Endearing. And then I went to rotten tomatoes and saw OJ. It has a real low score. And obviously Johnny O of the New York post does not agree with my enjoyment of this movie because they said Poms is an embarrassment.

[00:30:00] Chelsey Donn: So that was Johnny O's. I felt that was a real zinger, you know?

[00:30:07] Trey Gerrald: All right. Well, in that case, Chelsey, I'm going to strap you into a Palm tree leaf

[00:30:13] Chelsey Donn: Okay. I might up there with my POM poms.

[00:30:17] Trey Gerrald: I hope so you're conducting all the traffic from all the boaters.

[00:30:22] Chelsey Donn: Whoo. This way, this way.

[00:30:25] Trey Gerrald: Alright. Are you ready?

[00:30:27] Chelsey Donn: I'm ready.

[00:30:29] VOICEOVER: Three, Two, One, GO!.

[00:30:38] Chelsey Donn: Yeah,

[00:30:39] Trey Gerrald: show

[00:30:40] Chelsey Donn: palms is an embarrassment.

[00:30:43] Trey Gerrald: courtroom drama.

[00:30:45] Chelsey Donn: Palms is an embarrassment.

[00:30:51] Trey Gerrald: televangelist

[00:30:53] Chelsey Donn: Poems has an embarrassment.

[00:30:56] Trey Gerrald: Hora.

[00:31:03] Chelsey Donn: do

[00:31:03] Trey Gerrald: That was six. Steva you? Wait, we tied.

[00:31:09] Chelsey Donn: Yay.

[00:31:10] Trey Gerrald: Woo. Woo.

[00:31:11] Trey Gerrald: Woo.

[00:31:15] Manic Panic Bleach Kit 1 Star Review

[00:31:15] VOICEOVER: Review That Review.

[00:31:19] Chelsey Donn: All right. We are back from that rousing game break. And it is your turn. Trey. Where is your Review! from this week?

[00:31:28] Trey Gerrald: Okay. So today I also have a review from Amazon. This is written by Angie R. And this is a one star review for manic panic, flash lightning hair, bleach kit, 30 volume. And I can not read Angie R's subject because it gives it away. But I'll tell you, after I read the Review!.

[00:31:54] Chelsey Donn: Perfect. And I have a quick question before. So is the bleach like Bleacher hair, like white or is it a specific color?

[00:32:02] Trey Gerrald: Yeah. It's like, um, it's white bleach. Yeah.

[00:32:06] Chelsey Donn: hear it.

[00:32:07] Trey Gerrald: All right. Here is the Review!

[00:32:09] Trey Gerrald: Tish and Snooki. My wife recently purchased your product manic panic flashlighting over Amazon. With the quarantine situation. She has not been able to visit her hairdresser and get her hair dyed Her solution was to order your highly regarded product and dye her hair herself.

[00:32:31] Trey Gerrald: We received your product yesterday afternoon and she went to use it this morning. My wife has lots of experience using different hair dye products. So she knows what she is doing. After seeing the finished product. I think Tish and Snooki should be ashamed of themselves. And I would recommend no one buying this product.

[00:32:57] Trey Gerrald: My wife looks like a female version of Joe Exotic.

[00:33:02] Chelsey Donn: Oh, no.

[00:33:04] Trey Gerrald: Every time she comes into the room, I expect her to be followed by lions and tigers. Now she is going to have to replace her whole wardrobe with 1980s leather jackets with tassels and leopard print silk shirts.

[00:33:20] Chelsey Donn: Oh, God,

[00:33:21] Trey Gerrald: I usually don't leave product reviews, but with how bad this product is, I felt it was necessary to leave you cool cats and kittens, a negative review to help protect future consumers. I have to go now, Mrs. Exotic is calling my name. dot dot dot dot dot dot dot.

[00:33:47] Chelsey Donn: Yeah,

[00:33:49] Trey Gerrald: So the subject ais this product turned my wife into a female Joe Exotic.

[00:33:56] Chelsey Donn: I figured,

[00:33:57] Trey Gerrald: So I'm unsure if Angie R is the wife's account and this is written by a male, or if Angie is in a same-sex relationship and.

[00:34:09] Chelsey Donn: oh,

[00:34:09] Trey Gerrald: Angie has a wife. I just want to say, I'm not sure what genders here, but, uh, all we know is that the person who used the product is not the person who left the Review!

[00:34:20] Chelsey Donn: Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Either way. Yes. Correct. Which is, which was kind of going to bring me to my first point, which is why does the wife need Angie R, let's just call this person. To leave a review on their behalf. Like all of a sudden they dyed their hair and they also went back to a time when they needed their significant other to stand up for them.

[00:34:49] Chelsey Donn: Like, why is Angie R going to bat on behalf of the wife?

[00:34:55] Trey Gerrald: Yeah, anytime I Review! is like second hand. It's like, it's always a little bit of a head-scratcher cause it's always like second hand information kind of, although maybe this is not because this is Angie's opinion of the hair,

[00:35:09] Chelsey Donn: I guess, but I just feel like, it sounds like they were very repulsed by how the wife looks. I wonder. How the wife feels about the way that they look. Is it like that the wife is so disturbed by her new look or is it that the wife went to dye their hair and this sort of bleached platinum Joe exotic way or whatever, and the significant, the, what do we call the partner?

[00:35:35] Chelsey Donn: Should we. Their partner,

[00:35:37] Trey Gerrald: other.

[00:35:37] Chelsey Donn: their significant other, their significant other was clearly repulsed by how they looked, because that's what 90% of this Review! is like you made my wife look unattractive to me, which I feel like is off-putting

[00:35:53] Trey Gerrald: I mean, that is a really interesting perspective within this Review! because we don't get what the actual user of the product thinks of this. And we are told that the wife has a lot of experience with hair dye.

[00:36:06] Chelsey Donn: Exactly

[00:36:08] Trey Gerrald: It really is like the, the significant other's opinion. I want to know what Mrs. Exotic, who's calling Angie at the end.

[00:36:16] Trey Gerrald: I want to know what Mrs. Exotic things.

[00:36:18] Chelsey Donn: I agree.

[00:36:19] Trey Gerrald: Okay. Also, I don't know, maybe this is deducible, but it is written sort of in a letter form. So they're addressing Tish and Snooki and upon doing some research Tisch and Snooki are two founders of the company manic panic.

[00:36:34] Chelsey Donn: Yes. I'm so glad you brought that up. Cause I had started that on my sheet and I forgot to ask. So like they're writing a letter on Amazon. Which probably is fulfilled by, I would guess a second hand source again, Trustpilot verse Amazon. Right. And you're addressing the creators of the product weird to

[00:36:57] Trey Gerrald: Yeah, it is interesting to say like, my wife recently purchased your product over Amazon on Amazon. You're writing that on him.

[00:37:05] Chelsey Donn: right? Exactly.

[00:37:06] Trey Gerrald: But who knows, maybe Angie R covered all their bases and like wrote it to manic panic. And also is just putting this on here because ultimately they say, we just want, I would recommend no one buying this product.

[00:37:18] Trey Gerrald: Also 897 people found this helpful.

[00:37:21] Trey Gerrald: So what do you think of the humor here? Because I do think that Angie R is just being very trendy with Tiger King and,

[00:37:30] Chelsey Donn: When was this written?

[00:37:33] Trey Gerrald: March, 2020, so right when that documentary was very

[00:37:37] Trey Gerrald: popular on Netflix,

[00:37:39] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. I think that Angie really leaned in. So the tiger king in a way that, like, I don't know if, if this, if I was reading this in March, maybe I would get a better chuckle out of it, but now I'm just like, it's not, it's not funny. And it just feels like you're really leaning into it. And because like, truthfully, I just get that kind of like gross feeling in my stomach.

[00:38:03] Chelsey Donn: That's like, why are you putting your wife on blast and saying, she looks like Ms. Exotic, and that she needs to change her whole wardrobe. Like, it just feels very mean. And I don't like it.

[00:38:14] Trey Gerrald: That is, that's an interesting point of view on it. Didn't even occur to me that way, but I totally hear that. It's just it's. It is highlighting to me. That the joke hasn't aged well, because I think it's, I think the most clever joke is cool cats and kittens, but it doesn't feel like this like lands the same way here we are.

[00:38:37] Trey Gerrald: Like nearly two years later. That's insane to think about.

[00:38:41] Chelsey Donn: I know

[00:38:42] Trey Gerrald: But like once again, like the experience here is as common or a fluke. I mean, I don't know because it's the, it's the significant others, uh, opinion.

[00:38:52] Chelsey Donn: Yeah.

[00:38:52] Trey Gerrald: Also, if you're getting flash white hair dye, you want it to be like extreme. That's not like

[00:38:58] Chelsey Donn: well, that's why I'm like, I'm trying to think of like, is Joe, does Joe exotic have like bad routes? Like doesn't Joe exotic have bleached blonde hair. Like, again, I

[00:39:09] Trey Gerrald: So look

[00:39:11] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. But Joe exotic has like a mullet. So like, you know, It's a bleach blonde mullet. Like that's it looking at the color of his hair?

[00:39:21] Chelsey Donn: That's why I asked when you first intro the product. I said, is this going to like bleach your hair to make it white? Or is this a color? Because also sometimes these kinds of products that are like Bleacher hair until they're white, unless you're really going for that. Look, oftentimes it's like a do this and then add the pink on.

[00:39:40] Chelsey Donn: Right. Bleach it down and then add the color. You know what I

[00:39:44] Trey Gerrald: have to, you have to like erase all of the, uh, color that exists in order to add, like, if you have a dark hair. Yeah,

[00:39:51] Chelsey Donn: Right. So I think either if I was buying this product, it's because I want that bleach blonde hair look, which is the color of Joe exotics hair, or I want to die at another color. So I don't see the value here.

[00:40:06] Trey Gerrald: That's really like really standing out to me as well, because if I want this extreme bleach. It's kind of Angie Rs, one star Review! kind of as proving that it is an extreme

[00:40:18] Chelsey Donn: Right. Yeah. That's what it is.

[00:40:21] Trey Gerrald: Right. Cause I also think that manic panic is that grungy sort of downtown New York, punk rock energy. But I just think that like, if I want extreme bleach, I would go with manic panic. I wouldn't go with L'Oreal.

[00:40:37] Chelsey Donn: I agree. Totally.

[00:40:40] Trey Gerrald: I mean, I think I could crown this. How are you

[00:40:41] Chelsey Donn: I can crown. Yeah, I'm ready.

[00:40:44] VOICEOVER: The Queens are Tabulating.

[00:40:51] Chelsey Donn: Wow. Again, I am holding up one crown trays holding up three crowns. One crown very similar reason to the first Review! like I've gone through all this hoopla and I don't feel like I have a better understanding of the product. I don't have any kind of opinion that I trust. So that really pretty much goes into the trash bin.

[00:41:12] Chelsey Donn: So that's why I gave it one crown. Why did you give Angie three?

[00:41:16] Trey Gerrald: It's just interesting because I do think, like I just said that I think Andrew proves the point. They're trying to not prove. So there is some value here because it does make me think, okay, this product is not messing around. If you want, believe bleach, use this product. I think that they really lose points for me because it's.

[00:41:37] Trey Gerrald: It's a very like time-specific joke and it's sort of like unnecessary, like it's unnecessary to make three tiger king jokes here, including the subject. But then again, the subject did cause me to want to read it. So I said three, which is not exactly middle of the road. Cause we have half crowns, but like, I don't think it's, in my opinion, not a one and it's not a five by any stretch of the imagination.

[00:42:02] Trey Gerrald: So that's why I said three.

[00:42:04] Chelsey Donn: Okay. Fair enough. I hear you. And I mean, it was a One, crown kind of diet. I don't ever think I've had an episode where I just was straight across the board. One crown.

[00:42:15] Trey Gerrald: you're joining the dark side.

[00:42:18] Chelsey Donn: I guess

[00:42:18] My Royal Highness

[00:42:18] Chelsey Donn: I am! Alright. My queen, we have reached the most Regal portion of our show. Who are you? Inducting Trey for?

[00:42:29] VOICEOVER: My

[00:42:29] VOICEOVER: Royal

[00:42:30] VOICEOVER: Highness

[00:42:31] Trey Gerrald: Today. I want to induct whoever working at apple came up with the idea that you can sync additions to the notes app. Specifically, my husband and I have a shared note. Which is like an app on the iPhone that we can both update with the little bullet holes that we can select and unselect our shopping list.

[00:42:56] Trey Gerrald: really has changed the game. And we don't have to worry about texting or like, oh wait, I forgot to put bananas. Like I can just see it update automatically. And we can both look at our lists individually and address what needs to be picked up at the grocery store. It really is lovely and genius also, you know, sort of like a, a short form version of Google docs or something of the sort, because you can collaborate with people, which is just genius and wonderful right there in your hand.

[00:43:28] Trey Gerrald: It really is amazing, especially as a shopping list. So for that reason, Today I have to induct the sharing of notes, possibility on the notes app as My Royal Highness.

[00:43:44] Chelsey Donn: Love that possibility for you?

[00:43:47] Trey Gerrald: What about you Chelsey?

[00:43:48] Chelsey Donn: Who am I inducting today? Trey? Well, today I wanted to turn a kvetch into a Royal Highness is what I wanted to do. So I mentioned I was feeling a little bit under the weather. And so when that happens for me, I tend to pile up the laundry. And so when I finally did the laundry, it was like, just took everything out of me.

[00:44:11] Chelsey Donn: And then I have the laundry in the laundry bags, and they're still sitting over here to the right of me. And I'm just sort of looking at them with distain thinking. I have to fold that, you know, and it feels really like, ah, like such a mountain to climb. And then in the moment, when I was thinking about that, I thought to myself, Wow.

[00:44:31] Chelsey Donn: talk about first world problems like the washing machine. Can we induct the washing machine as My Royal Highness? Because can you imagine if I needed to do like all this washing by hand or with a stone or with One,? Boards or in a Creek? I mean, my goodness, like I'm complaining cause I have to fold my clothes and I have one of those folding things, you know what I mean?

[00:44:57] Chelsey Donn: Like I, I have all of the accoutrement, right. And I just don't even know what I would do if I didn't have a washing machine and I'm just tremendously grateful. And for that reason, I would like to induct today, the washing machine as My Royal Highness. And I don't have any history for you, but. I love you.

[00:45:19] Chelsey Donn: Thank you. Washing machine you're , My Royal Highness.

[00:45:22] Trey Gerrald: I love that I made it so true.

[00:45:24] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. Love turning a kvetch into a Royal Highness, you know?

[00:45:28] Trey Gerrald: I definitely think that like most people can adapt to just continuing to wash dishes without ever really doing a dishwasher. But I do think that a washing machine is, is sort of like that's a, you have to. Well, we did it queen that is another round on the RU a RQ Ferris wheel of love life laughter happiness and.

[00:45:51] Chelsey Donn: Uh, yes. Thank you for joining us today. If you like, what you heard, please tell a friend really means a lot to us. If you do share it.

[00:46:00] Trey Gerrald: If you didn't like what you heard, please tell an enemy that also really means a lot to us. Join our mailing list to stay up to date with the goings on, in the queendom at ReviewThatReview.Com or on our simple link in the show notes below.

[00:46:14] Chelsey Donn: You can also hit up our voicemail box 1-850-REVIEW-0. And remember, we're still standing by. We want to hear what are your, you know, resolutions now? We're like a little bit in here. How's it going? How you doing? Okay. Or slide into our DMS. You can follow us on all the socials at @TheReviewQueens.

[00:46:34] Chelsey Donn: I'm at @ChelseyBD.

[00:46:36] Trey Gerrald: And I'm at @TreyGerrald.

[00:46:38] Coming Up!

[00:46:38] Trey Gerrald: Okay. Everyone on today's after show podcast, which we were recording seconds. After this main episode ends, we are going to be rating and reviewing a one star review from Amazon for anal bleach,

[00:46:56] Chelsey Donn: Bleach again. Oh my God. I can't.

[00:47:00] Trey Gerrald: So, to find out what made Chelsey say...

[00:47:04] Chelsey Donn: 'Now am I a prude, or is starfish a recognizable term And to find out what made Trey say:

[00:47:15] Trey Gerrald: 'Oh, it looks like my anus is wearing lipstick.'

[00:47:18] Chelsey Donn: Then join our patreon at in order to hear our special members only after show podcast.

[00:47:28] Trey Gerrald: And remember.

[00:47:30] Chelsey Donn: Ignore the haters. You're a queen.

[00:47:33] Trey Gerrald: Gender non-specific queen just like Angie RS, significant other.

[00:47:39] Chelsey Donn: Yes,

[00:47:40] Trey Gerrald: that's not right. Just like, just like, and gr okay. Just I'm saying this over again. Gender non-specific queen

[00:47:50] Chelsey Donn: Of course. Bye!

[00:47:53] Trey Gerrald: Bye. Toodaloo.

Review That Review is an independent podcast. Certain names have been redacted or changed to protect the guilty. Executive produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound designed by me with voiceover talents by Eva Kaminsky. Our cover art was designed by LogoVora and our theme song was written by Joe Kinosian and sung by Natalie Weiss.

[00:48:12] Chelsey Donn: Oy LisaInSeattle.