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TRANSCRIPT of Episode 37: "Walmart / Nizam of India"

Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald
Episode 37: "Walmart / Nizam of India"


*Please Pardon any spelling errors!

THEME SONG: [00:00:00] Everybody's got an opinion.

Every Californian and Virginian.

It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.

Someone's gotta settle the score.

Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!

Whose views win, which ones lose.

Online haters are comin' for you!

Baby, it's time to Review That Review!

[00:00:30] Chelsey Donn: Hi.

[00:00:32] Trey Gerrald: Oh my gosh. Hi Chelsey. And hello listeners. Welcome to Review That Review! The podcast dedicated to reviewing...

[00:00:39] Chelsey Donn: reviews! We're just like Siskel and Ebert only instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we rate and review those hilarious scathing and sometimes suspicious online reviews.

[00:00:51] Trey Gerrald: That's Chelsey Donn.

[00:00:53] Chelsey Donn: And that's Trey Gerrald.

[00:00:54] Trey Gerrald: And together we are

[00:00:56] VOICEOVER: The Review Queens!

[00:01:00] Trey Gerrald: To support the show while getting exclusive content, including our special members - only after show podcast. Visit our patreon page at Chelsey. How's your week going?

[00:01:14] Chelsey Donn: Hi, my week is going well. I've been busy, but in the good ways I had a bunch of auditions, which is always a thrill and a delight and Goldie is being moderately better. So that's, that's making things better in my life. How's your week.

[00:01:28] Trey Gerrald: Good. You know, it's good. It's a, we're dealing with inclement weather up here. Yeah. Some of the other coast, which

[00:01:37] Chelsey Donn: So, sorry,

[00:01:38] Trey Gerrald: I'm, I'm sure you are. Chelsey ran away from the east coast. And now she's on the west coast, which, you know, I feel like I don't know if this has ever happened, but

[00:01:47] Lodge A Complaint!

[00:01:47] Trey Gerrald: I am just going to go ahead and lodge into a compliant.

[00:01:51] Chelsey Donn: do it please.

[00:01:52] VOICEOVER: Lodge A Complaint.

[00:01:54] Trey Gerrald: So it's been snowy and, um, I want to Lodge A Complaint.

[00:01:58] Trey Gerrald: against the difficulty with which it takes to put on and take off snow boots.

[00:02:04] Chelsey Donn: Oh, yeah. Any boot, but yes,

[00:02:06] Trey Gerrald: I actually you're right. Okay. It is sort of any boot, but I have these, like, I'm speaking specifically of the non lace up one singular hole, you know, it's also like rainy weather, sort of any sort of keeping moisture out.

[00:02:24] Chelsey Donn: Right.

[00:02:25] Trey Gerrald: I'm almost going to like YouTube videos because I don't know if I'm doing it wrong. It takes so much strength and stamina to squash my foot and pull it up over like my heel and then like yank it up so that it's straight. It's like, I don't know if it's specific to the Croc cause it's like rubbery, but.

[00:02:49] Chelsey Donn: Yeah,

[00:02:50] Trey Gerrald: And then I have like heavy duty socks on because it's cold and it Chelsey I break, this is not a joke. I break into a sweat, and it's not because the size is too small and the size is perfect. It's so hard to navigate. My little socked foot and then taking it off is such a nightmare because the first one is fine.

[00:03:09] Trey Gerrald: Cause I can like use one foot against the heel of the other to get that one off. But then I have to use my socked foot on the wet boot to get the other one off. And then it's just a nightmare. So I'm lodging a complaint against the difficulty with which it takes to put these boots on and off. Please tell me anything occurring to you.

[00:03:30] Chelsey Donn: So many things are occurring to me. What's really funny about Trey and I is that we never share our complaints with one another. Like, we both have a lot, you know, like a list that we keep, And on my list is boots. And the fact that getting out of a boot is like a full-time job.

[00:03:48] Chelsey Donn: Like, like. I swear to God, I could pull it up, show it to the page around it's on my list. I even do like a little standup bit about it. How like literally getting out of a boot. It's like, I'm fully employed. You know, if it's like my day off, I feel like I'm going to work because I need to get this boot off and I'm single.

[00:04:08] Chelsey Donn: So I don't have anybody to help me get the boot off. So I just have to do it by myself. It's not like Goldie's going to help me get the boot off. And it's a little. The zipper is helpful. Like if the boot has a zipper, then not really changes the game. But if there's just, like you said, like nose zipper, I just got to stick my foot in there.

[00:04:24] Chelsey Donn: It's something about friction, I guess maybe,

[00:04:28] Trey Gerrald: what it is. Yes.

[00:04:30] Chelsey Donn: also. If you're going to fly in a boot, never take the boot off in the air. Because if you're flying in a boot and then you take your boot off in the air, congratulations, you're going to be walking through the airport barefoot or in a sock because you're never going to get that boot back on.

[00:04:46] Chelsey Donn: So there's a lot. Yeah. There's a lot of issues that I have with boots, but I don't know how we fix it. Try a shoe horn. I don't know what we do, but that's going in. We need like

[00:04:56] Trey Gerrald: But even the shoe horn.

[00:04:58] Trey Gerrald: there's not enough space already. And It's also like, it's not because the Buddhist too small, because I do notice when I wear a thinner saw.

[00:05:09] Chelsey Donn: It's

[00:05:09] Trey Gerrald: There is space. Yeah.

[00:05:11] Trey Gerrald: There's space inside. So it's, it's really the ankle. The getting my foot through the little ankle size of the boot is what is so challenging and I'm yanking and pulling and like evolve.

[00:05:24] Trey Gerrald: That's my complaint, please. Shark tank pay attention.

[00:05:27] Chelsey Donn: I feel you. I definitely feel you.

[00:05:29] Trey Gerrald: All right. What about you.

[00:05:30] Chelsey Donn: my complaint today is about inconsistent sizing. Like when you buy multiple items, like you buy it in red, you buy it in blue, you buy it in black. And it's like, why is the black bigger than the red? It's literally the same exact product.

[00:05:49] Trey Gerrald: um,

[00:05:49] Chelsey Donn: I ordered it in the same exact window. I just picked a different color. Why is it a different size? And specifically, this has been affecting me lately with Goldie, with harnesses. I want to show Patreon a visual aid, but I get are these harnesses, which I love, like I'm a, I mean, they would be a Royal Highness if they didn't so utterly mess this up, but they're called bark appeal.

[00:06:11] Chelsey Donn: They're super easy. Some of the extra smalls that I buy Goldie, they fit perfect. Maybe even a little bit. I got the red same exact thing, same exact link. I don't know if you could tell, try the circles are so different. Do you see that?

[00:06:30] Trey Gerrald: I could see it as clear as day.

[00:06:33] Chelsey Donn: mean, it is crazy. Like the circle on the left is like, like a circle, which is like tight around Goldie is like abdomen.

[00:06:41] Chelsey Donn: And then the other circle is an oval, like a wider oval, like who did this? Who did this? How does this happen? Like she literally has the teal one on right now. Same brand, same everything. And they're both of the circles are like the oval side and it fits her. Great. What has happened?

[00:07:02] Trey Gerrald: That is the weirdest thing I've ever seen.

[00:07:04] Chelsey Donn: Right. Is it a crazy, like, I was like, I put it on her and I was like, oh my God.

[00:07:08] Chelsey Donn: Like, did Goldie get huge in between me washing the old harness and me like taking this new one out of the package. And then they looked at the two circles that I was like, this is laughable and insane. So I might have to call and actually Lodge A Complaint to the

[00:07:23] Trey Gerrald: think you should. That seems like a defect.

[00:07:26] Chelsey Donn: That it seems like something's wrong.

[00:07:28] Chelsey Donn: Like they should know, like I would be doing them a disservice if I didn't tell them. Right.

[00:07:33] Trey Gerrald: Yes. I agree.

[00:07:34] Chelsey Donn: I wonder why that happens. I don't know.

[00:07:37] Trey Gerrald: it's so illogical to me that I can't even come up with a possibility for Y I, I, it doesn't make sense. You think it's would be uniform,

[00:07:45] Chelsey Donn: exactly. Like aren't they just cutting it from a pattern or something? I don't