Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald
Episode 40: "Mall of America - 1 vs. 5 Stars"
*Please Pardon any spelling errors!
THEME SONG: [00:00:00] Everybody's got an opinion.
Every Californian and Virginian.
It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.
Someone's gotta settle the score.
Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!
Whose views win, which ones lose.
Online haters are comin' for you!
Baby, it's time to Review That Review!
[00:00:00] Chelsey Donn: Hello.
[00:00:31] Trey Gerrald: Hi, welcome to Review That Review! The podcast dedicated to reviewing
[00:00:37] Chelsey Donn: Reviews! We're just like Siskel and Ebert, only instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we rate and review those hilarious scathing and sometimes suspicious online reviews.
[00:00:49] Trey Gerrald: that's Chelsey Donn,
[00:00:50] Chelsey Donn: And that's Trey Gerrald.
[00:00:53] Trey Gerrald: and together we are.
[00:00:55] VOICEOVER: The Review Queens!
[00:00:58] Trey Gerrald: To show you're supporting a bonus exclusive content, including our members only after show podcast. Visit our Patreon at Patreon.com/ReviewThatReview.
[00:01:10] Trey Gerrald: Hey Chelsey girl. How's your week goin?
[00:01:12] Chelsey Donn: Trey, my week is going well. I was a little bit late to the train I started and finished watching in a very short period of time. The Tinder Swindler. Have you seen it yet?
[00:01:25] Trey Gerrald: Oh, my God. I just watched it over the weekend!
[00:01:27] Chelsey Donn: Oh, my God. I was a half hour late to a meeting because I had to finish it. Like, it was insane.
[00:01:32] Trey Gerrald: Yeah. It really, the, especially the ending. I did not see coming.
[00:01:37] Chelsey Donn: Me too. I was so upset. I won't, we won't spoil it, I guess. I mean, it's late now. It's been out a while. Like you should have seen it.
[00:01:45] Trey Gerrald: I never saw anything about the article either that it's like about or whatever. But yeah, if you think you have an idea of like how that story is going to conclude, since it's a documentary, I highly recommend you watch it because you're going to be wrong. There's all it reminded me. There's this incredible podcast called Sweet Bobby. Have you heard about it?
[00:02:09] Chelsey Donn: no, it's like a true crime thing.
[00:02:10] Trey Gerrald: No, it's a well, yes, but it's a catfish story and it's, I can't remember where it is now.
[00:02:18] Chelsey Donn: Does it follow like one narrative story or
[00:02:21] Trey Gerrald: Yes. And in the, I think it's maybe eight episodes, but like the journalist is saying at the beginning, like,
[00:02:28] Trey Gerrald: this person had a 10 plus year relationship with this person, and we're going to go ahead and tell you they're being catfished, which is bad journalism, except It's not because where this story goes is so wild and crazy that the fact that it's a catfish, isn't even the tip of the iceberg. It was like, crazy, crazy. It's as if those women from Tinder swindler had a 10 plus year relationship where they quit their job, all these things were going on. And then when you find out who the catfish is, I, it is like, I just got
[00:03:05] Chelsey Donn: I think I'm going to have to listen to
[00:03:07] Trey Gerrald: just got goosebumps.
[00:03:08] Trey Gerrald: Oh, it's really good.
[00:03:09] Chelsey Donn: You just get sucked into these stories. I started sort of rewatching in the background and I had to stop, The Staircase
[00:03:17] Trey Gerrald: Oh,
[00:03:18] Chelsey Donn: because I couldn't remember if I had watched it or not. I had, but like, God, what a journey?
[00:03:23] Trey Gerrald: Did you see the new one? Cause they do a second season, essentially like the last seven episodes.
[00:03:28] Chelsey Donn: Oh, I don't know. I'm not there. So I guess, I guess I could watch the new one. I mean the owl store, is it all about the owl thing?
[00:03:35] Trey Gerrald: No, I think it's a new, um, prosecution team or Like, I think it's like about the appeal or something. I forget. I w um, but it's many years later
[00:03:44] Chelsey Donn: Oh my God. So scary. So many scary things in the world. And I guess like, the world is scary. Is that the conclusion
[00:03:53] Trey Gerrald: it has scary.
[00:03:55] Chelsey Donn: what's going on in your week in your life? Tell us,
[00:03:57] Trey Gerrald: Well, I also watched tender swindler. What else? I don't know. I have been feeling a little sense of emptiness since I've finished season two of cheer.
[00:04:06] Chelsey Donn: oh, I'm
[00:04:07] Trey Gerrald: wondering what's happening with my team and yeah. You know, just hanging out. It was actually pretty warm today, which is nice
[00:04:15] Chelsey Donn: Just like chugging along.
[00:04:17] Trey Gerrald: too.
[00:04:18] Chelsey Donn: To chill.
[00:04:19] Lodge A Complaint!
[00:04:19] Chelsey Donn: I really shouldn't complain, but I'm gonna, you know what I
[00:04:22] Trey Gerrald: Ha do it. I want to hear Chelsey. What is it that you want to
[00:04:27] VOICEOVER: Lodge A Complaint.
[00:04:28] Trey Gerrald: about.
[00:04:29] Chelsey Donn: Okay. So I don't know if it has anything to do with like heat or ions or what happens, but you know, when you're taking a shower and then like the liner of the shower curtain or whatever it is, Sticks to your body and you like, can't get it off. And you're fighting this liner and you're trying to get clean.
[00:04:51] Chelsey Donn: And I'm like very OCD. So I'm like, I change it and I wash it or whatever, but like still y'all like, I don't want you touching my body. And it's just weird to me. Cause it doesn't happen all the time when it happens. I'm like, I don't know why you're so obsessed with me, but like get off, you know, why? Does this happen to you?
[00:05:10] Trey Gerrald: Well, I actually don't have a shower, curtain, shower any longer, but that is the worst. When you feel like it's just clinging on no one wants to Clinger.
[00:05:20] Chelsey Donn: back off. So anyway, I wanted a Lodge, A Complaint. I really hope that the shower liner can hear me because it's not far away bathrooms just back there, like cooperate. And also listeners, if you have any tips, like, what am I supposed to do? Like, is there a trick for this? I don't know. I haven't scoured Tik TOK.
[00:05:38] Chelsey Donn: Am I supposed to spray it with like hairspray or something? If you know how to get it to. Please do let me know.
[00:05:45] Trey Gerrald: What about those shower, curtain, rods that are like slightly poking outward. Do you know, we're talking they pivot out instead of a straight line. They're like a semicircle away from the shower,
[00:05:56] Chelsey Donn: Alright. I could look into
[00:05:58] Trey Gerrald: something.
[00:05:59] Chelsey Donn: about you? Try give us your complaint, lay it on us.
[00:06:01] Trey Gerrald: Uh, all right, well, today I want to lodge a complaint against an injustice in the world that happens when you pour a bowl of cereal and you get the milk and there's not enough milk for the bowl of
[00:06:14] Chelsey Donn: no,
[00:06:15] Trey Gerrald: It's one of those things where it's like, there is no substitute. Like you can't fill it with water. Like a cereal bowl full of water is... that's not cereal.
[00:06:26] Chelsey Donn: Yeah.
[00:06:26] Trey Gerrald: there, you can't put anything else. So then you're just sort of like, well, I can't eat this bowl of cereal because I've run out of milk. Has that ever happened to you?
[00:06:35] Chelsey Donn: Yeah, it has. And I'll say I proceeded to eat the cereal. Anyway. I w I was like, not happy about it, but I just, I eat it mostly dry.
[00:06:44] Trey Gerrald: and crunchy and hard.
[00:06:46] Chelsey Donn: Yeah.
[00:06:46] Trey Gerrald: I've become a little OCD about it, because like now with Costco you can buy like the almond milks in bulk. And so I buy like two containers at a time, which is like 12 gallons
[00:06:58] Chelsey Donn: Yeah.
[00:06:59] Chelsey Donn: Because you to have the backup milk. You need the backup milk.
[00:07:03] Trey Gerrald: Because that, it really is upsetting.
[00:07:05] Chelsey Donn: Yeah, it is upsetting. So I, I feel you, I, I hate that the ratio of the milk to the cereal is very important to me as well.
[00:07:16] Trey Gerrald: All right. Well,
[00:07:17] Chelsey Donn: valid. Yeah. Shall we maybe enter into some other territory that kind of makes me a little bit nervous, maybe.
[00:07:24] Chelsey Donn: I don't know, like reviewing other people's online reviews and hoping that they're not going to listen to get mad.
[00:07:31] Trey Gerrald: I think so. I think Chelsey it's time for you and I to go head-to-head as we.
[00:07:37] VOICEOVER: Assess That Kvetch.
[00:07:39] Trey Gerrald: So today is another verses episode and we are going to cover both a one-star review and a five star review on the same topic, the Mall of America
[00:07:54] Chelsey Donn: That's right. Get your MasterCards and visas ready. This another versus episode! Trey selected the one star, and I selected the five star. So to determine who reads first, we got to flip that quota. I feel like you need to guess this time.
[00:08:13] Trey Gerrald: Okay,
[00:08:14] Chelsey Donn: All right. I'm gonna let you guys
[00:08:15] Trey Gerrald: I'm going to say tails
[00:08:17] Chelsey Donn: okay.
[00:08:18] Trey Gerrald: it's heads.
[00:08:21] Chelsey Donn: Okay. So what that means I go first, right?
[00:08:24] Trey Gerrald: we're going to hear the five star first!.
[00:08:27] Chelsey Donn: my Oh my goodness. Okay.
[00:08:29] Trey Gerrald: So a little background on what the Mall of America is. I know Chelsey has been, I have never been, but the Mall of America is one of the top tourist destinations in the country. The Mall welcomes more than 40 million visitors a year from around the world to enjoy over 520. Retail and specialty stores, plus over 50 unique dining and entertainment attractions, like the nation's largest indoor theme park.
[00:09:04] Trey Gerrald: That's what I think of when I think of Mall of America. They also, I thought this was interesting. The Mall of America hosts more than 400 events every year, which has made the Mall. A place where fans can meet and greet with their favorite celebrities or take part in interactive and one of a kind events.
[00:09:23] Trey Gerrald: So presently at the time of this recording, there are 5,893 reviews for the Mall of America on trip advisor with 3076, five star reviews and 55. One star reviews. So let's get this versus battles started.
[00:09:46] 5 Star Mall of America Review
[00:09:46] VOICEOVER: Review That Review.
[00:09:50] Chelsey Donn: All right. It is about to be Mall Madness up in here. You know what I mean? Because we are getting started with a crazy five-star review. Yeah, I know Jay, you referenced TripAdvisor, but I actually pulled this Review! from Yelp. My Review! is written by an elite Review! or when you know it, the elite reviewers name is Fox E. Okay. Fox
[00:10:16] Trey Gerrald: Capital E?
[00:10:17] Chelsey Donn: Capital E. All right. There's okay. I'm just gonna, just gonna dive right in. Here we go. Not to be confused with an arrogant American man, male of America, with a U S P S package mail of America. And an unimpressive trouser snake. Small of America. The Mall of America has sacred and distant memories for me from when I first visited here 20 years ago, as a tiny little teenage.
[00:10:56] Chelsey Donn: I also may or may not have fornicated with a very wild and adventurous girlfriend on one of the stairwells as the Mall at the.
[00:11:06] Chelsey Donn: I also may or may not have four dedicated with a very wild and adventurous girlfriend on the stairwells at the Mall at the time, not Barbie. She wasn't even in her teens yet at that time gasp, but let's move on to the modern times,
[00:11:28] Trey Gerrald: what.
[00:11:29] Chelsey Donn: not to be confused with a drug smuggler mule of America, looking for dinner?
[00:11:37] Chelsey Donn: Meal of America and to fight brawl of America,
[00:11:44] Trey Gerrald: Oh, my God.
[00:11:45] Chelsey Donn: it has four levels that I know of. It needs to get on my level and probably a lot more, but it also incredibly vast and endless on each side. Any one of these levels by itself would be one of the biggest Malls around. So we're not talking about a structure that is more tall than it is wide or long.
[00:12:11] Chelsey Donn: It's insanely wide and long. Like my ego,
[00:12:18] Trey Gerrald: Oh
[00:12:18] Chelsey Donn: to the extent that walking around any one of the levels will take a pretty damn long time and give you a workout, sort of like a cheat sheet for math class. Not to be confused with a breaking bad spinoff, better call Saul of America, a pink Floyd album, the wall of America, and a delicious Mexican dish MolÃ© of America.
[00:12:47] Chelsey Donn: So basically what I am saying. It's the scale of this thing is absolutely enormous. It can't really be described. It's not just the biggest Mall I've ever been to. It's bigger than the next 10 Malls I've ever been to. And don't get me started on all the amusement rides and rollercoasters that exist here.
[00:13:11] Chelsey Donn: I guess this is what America is all. It's incredibly fun to wander around. And I think it's probably the most ambitious Mall on earth. Not to be confused with my girlfriend, doll of America
[00:13:28] Trey Gerrald: Oh my
[00:13:29] Chelsey Donn: who likes to crush things under her pleasures balls of America. Make guys come over to her on their hands and knees crawl of America.
[00:13:42] Chelsey Donn: And physically dominate people for lots of money Maul of America.
[00:13:53] Trey Gerrald: What.
[00:13:54] Chelsey Donn: I, yes, that's it. That was my, that was my to reading it. Like, I don't even know what device Fox E was using here.
[00:14:06] Trey Gerrald: Yeah. Is that a, it's not a pun cause you're just changing. Is that, what is that? Word play?
[00:14:12] Chelsey Donn: It's annoying. Like, I feel like based on this Review! at all, they should revoke Fox E's elite status.
[00:14:21] Trey Gerrald: they're elite.
[00:14:22] Chelsey Donn: They are elite. Isn't that insane?
[00:14:25] Trey Gerrald: I do think that, that, do you think FOC, first of all,
[00:14:29] Chelsey Donn: what is the Review!?
[00:14:30] Trey Gerrald: I guess I'm sexist, but I just assumed that Fox E would not be a straight man.
[00:14:38] Chelsey Donn: Okay. Maybe I should have mentioned that. So again, it's really funny Fox E's photograph kind of reminds me of Bruce has, but he's obviously much younger and much more cocky, but it's also like a headshot where he kind of has his hands crossed and he's holding his shoulder looking straight to camera, a black and white headshot.
[00:14:57] Trey Gerrald: Is there a glamor shots in the Mall of America, do those even exist anymore?
[00:15:00] Chelsey Donn: I think they do some places.
[00:15:03] Trey Gerrald: Okay. I'm just really confused by all of that, because like, I, for a while there, I thought I was just going to be like, okay, I don't understand what happened in the beginning, but then they picked back up with that. So I also felt like constantly saying, it's not this.
[00:15:19] Trey Gerrald: It's not that It's not made me think like, wait, this is a,
[00:15:22] Trey Gerrald: five-star review. Until we sort of got to the end where it was like, this is the biggest Mall I've ever seen. It's the biggest and the last 10 I've ever seen. So then I was like, okay. So like there, but all. Okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
[00:15:36] Chelsey Donn: yeah.
[00:15:36] Trey Gerrald: I was very confused.
[00:15:38] Trey Gerrald: Okay. When they use the word fornication on the stair steps, D did, did they then go in to say that the girl wasn't even a teenager yet at the time of the fornication.
[00:15:49] Chelsey Donn: like there were so many bad jokes in here. It was hard for me to like, even try to deliver them all. So completely valid that you were confused. They were saying something along the lines of like the girlfriend was not Barbie. Like the Barbie doll, I guess. And that Barbie wasn't even in her teens yet at the time gasp, what is that?
[00:16:13] Chelsey Donn: I, is that a joke about 20 years? Like is the Barbie 35 years old now? Like, I don't know. It's just,
[00:16:20] Trey Gerrald: because it wasn't Barbie invented in the fifties.
[00:16:22] Chelsey Donn: yeah. I have no idea. I have no idea what they're getting at with that amongst other things
[00:16:27] Trey Gerrald: a lot of sex in this. Review!
[00:16:30] Chelsey Donn: so much
[00:16:32] Trey Gerrald: the trouser I've never heard that phrase, but that's hilarious.
[00:16:36] Chelsey Donn: I actually had to look it up. I'm not even going to lie. Cause I was like sMall. I was like sMall of an, of America.
[00:16:42] Chelsey Donn: Like what does that even mean? And then when I looked up trousers, snake and found out that it was like, you know,
[00:16:47] Trey Gerrald: But then even a few sentences later where they say. Long and wide, like my, does it say.dot, dot ego.
[00:16:55] Chelsey Donn: does.
[00:16:56] Trey Gerrald: Yeah. Why is, why is Fox east so obsessed with talking about their penis size on this Review!
[00:17:04] Chelsey Donn: Well, to be fair there, their name is Foxy.
[00:17:08] Trey Gerrald: to foxes have big penises.
[00:17:10] Chelsey Donn: No, like the word Foxy Fox, Y like
[00:17:13] Trey Gerrald: I never, Fox E F O
[00:17:15] Chelsey Donn: right. But I feel like with, with all the ponds that are happening in this stupid, I'm sorry, Foxy with all the ponds that are happening in this friggin Review!, I'm sure. Foxy named himself Foxy for a reason.
[00:17:29] Trey Gerrald: Well, do you think that Fox is his parents named them Fox or do you think this is a clever username?
[00:17:35] Chelsey Donn: I think this is a username exclusively.
[00:17:38] Trey Gerrald: I don't think I know anyone named Fox that
[00:17:40] Chelsey Donn: mean, I don't hate the name. Like again, like it's not a bad name, but like when your username is Foxy and then like your view is Foxy It's so on the nose, the whole thing, I almost didn't read this Review! because I was like, there's really no value here in terms of.
[00:17:56] Chelsey Donn: Oh, let me hear about why this is a good Mall to go to or a good place to visit there's nothing of use here. It's really just a very strange personal narrative essay. So I don't know, I almost didn't bring it in, but then I was like, it's so ridiculous. He's so ridiculous. We need to talk about it.
[00:18:15] Trey Gerrald: Well, it, it, I, yes, I agree. There is no value in this review other than recognizing that you could maybe, or main be, not have sex in the stairwells, like in the private, I guess there's private stairs somewhere. And I don't know. That's like, I, you know, maybe that's exclusive to this. Review! what is Fox ease, spelling, and grammar.
[00:18:38] Chelsey Donn: they did have one mistake, which I read
[00:18:43] Trey Gerrald: So that makes me even more uncomfortable that they did. Like, they like reviewed this before they hit submit, because it doesn't make any sense.
[00:18:52] Chelsey Donn: Yeah, no Fox E clearly read. Did rewrites maybe Googled for some more puns, maybe did a little focus group to find even more ponds. Like I dunno, like there was a lot of effort put in this Review! and I think the thing that makes me. Angry about it is it's so transparent. I understand that like clearly this entire podcast is based on online reviews.
[00:19:19] Chelsey Donn: And I understand that there's like a whole Nisha people like us who like to read these kinds of reviews, but there's something that bothers me when I can so clearly tell that Foxy is just writing this review so that he'll get the most like phonies or whatever. Like he'll get the most, I mean, there were 25 people that found it funny.
[00:19:39] Chelsey Donn: 39 people who found it useful. And third 33 people who found it. Cool. Those numbers are like a little bit disturbing, but like, I dunno. I just thought he was trying so hard and it got so old so quickly. The joke.
[00:19:54] Trey Gerrald: It makes me feel like Fox. He even says, get on my level. I don't even know. I don't know What I don't know what the level?
[00:20:02] Trey Gerrald: like, I don't even understand where this Review! was. Like, I don't even know what was said to me other than like, how can I rhyme the word mall?
[00:20:11] Chelsey Donn: 1000%. I was going to say.
[00:20:13] Chelsey Donn: I don't think there's anything truthful in this. Like, I don't know. I don't know, like, I don't even know if Foxy has a girlfriend or not. I don't know if before in a candid or not, like I don't, I don't trust Fox E here. And it also has nothing to do with Mall of America. Like, I'm glad they had one sMall paragraph where they were like, it's bigger than all the other Malls.
[00:20:32] Chelsey Donn: like something you got to go to. But other than that, why are you here? Foxy? Why are you here?
[00:20:37] Trey Gerrald: Yeah, because now I'm not sure, like, I don't even know if they're truthful or shady. Cause it it's so incoherent.
[00:20:45] Chelsey Donn: Exactly. Like, w what do you think of the, like, is that a thing, like, is that a writing style to like, pick up where you left off after each power of I'm going to share this with Patreon, just so you can see like, what it looks like. So like, like in between sandwiched in between every single paragraph is one of these ridiculous lines.
[00:21:06] Trey Gerrald: uh, oh, they're all parents medical.
[00:21:10] Chelsey Donn: Correct. Almost the definitions are written in medicals. Like we're separating it from the, we're using it as like a border for each one of our paragraphs.
[00:21:21] Trey Gerrald: Also. They attach 10 photos.
[00:21:24] Chelsey Donn: Yes. All just of the Mall. Like nothing like weird. That's how I feel like Foxy hacked the system or something
[00:21:31] Trey Gerrald: They're like, yeah.
[00:21:32] Chelsey Donn: You know, like, I feel like Yelp must have a thing because they obviously can't just spend all day trolling through the reviews, whatever, do something like that, you know?
[00:21:42] Chelsey Donn: Um, yeah. Uh, obviously they can spend all their time doing that. So they maybe have some sort of algorithm where it's like, if you're writing X number of views that are an,. Amount of length with, you know, this many photos attached, you would think, oh, you know, Foxy had a lot to say about this maybe, and he's an elite reviewer.
[00:22:02] Chelsey Donn: Maybe this is a Review! that I want to read. Like it does like draw you in if you're not actually looking at the words.
[00:22:09] Trey Gerrald: Yeah, but then it's even like, they did put a lot of effort into this for it to be just a dump. Like was this just to fill their quota in order to become a lead.
[00:22:18] Chelsey Donn: I think so.
[00:22:19] Trey Gerrald: Right. But it still is very detailed. I mean, I think this is totally like an atypical experience. Cause I don't even understand like, unless maybe people hook up there.
[00:22:30] Trey Gerrald: I think like people always like to hold hands, like at the Mall, that's like a thing or it
[00:22:33] Chelsey Donn: yes.
[00:22:34] Trey Gerrald: but like I was not entertained by this. I was annoyed by that.
[00:22:39] Chelsey Donn: Correct. I was immediate. I was immediately, so. Annoyed by Foxy. I was not into it at all. I didn't think it was funny. In fact, when I was reading it I'll be honest. I was getting like flashbacks to being really bad, open mikes in LA when we would have all these guy, like just like a Fox eat hype guy, get up and do this stuff.
[00:23:03] Chelsey Donn: And you're just Ugh, please get off the stage. Like I don't, I can't listen to this. Is there anything else to say?
[00:23:10] Trey Gerrald: Yeah. Is there like any impact about the Mall of America for you on this?
[00:23:14] Chelsey Donn: No, that's what I'm left with is like, why do I care
[00:23:19] Trey Gerrald: I think I can crown Fox E.
[00:23:21] Chelsey Donn: me too? Let's do it.
[00:23:23] Trey Gerrald: All right. So Chelsey and I each have our own set of one to five crown cards and an effort to be fair and not influence one another. We will simultaneously reveal our rating.
[00:23:33] VOICEOVER: The Queens are Tabulating.
[00:23:40] Chelsey Donn: Have crown half crown. That's what I figured. All right. Try. Let us know why you gave Fox E a half crown.
[00:23:47] Trey Gerrald: Well, you know, we have beginning with Natalie's episode, we have introduced these zero crowns, which took us 38 episodes to do, but I want to be a little stringent on like, I guess I, I don't know. I said half crown because at least they have like a Saurus and like a dictionary. Like they have a rhyming dictionary, like, don't know.
[00:24:12] Trey Gerrald: There's part of me that has just completely turned off. I feel like they did cheat the ELP system to like write a bunch of reviews, possibly. Like that's all, you know, speculation, but I don't know, half crown because I could go there and maybe have public sex. I, not that that's something I want, but I'm saying that's the only thing of value inside of this.
[00:24:32] Trey Gerrald: Review! I mean, Uh, Fox. He also, and I feel like it made me check. Why do I think that Foxy is a word only use to describe females? I appreciate that He is a male and they're taking
[00:24:50] Chelsey Donn: Quite Foxy.
[00:24:51] Trey Gerrald: Fox II. So that's why I said half crown. Why did you say.
[00:24:55] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. I mean, I, I really toiled in my mind with going with a zero crown here. I did the half crown because. I mean, maybe this is a dumb reason, but there were clearly some people that thought it was funny and useful and cool and got some sort of value out of it. And for that reason, I threw them a half crown because there was some attempted humor and, you know, I, I like Lisa and attempt, but I didn't like anything in the, the substance of what Foxy came up with.
[00:25:28] Chelsey Donn: So I obviously couldn't give them more than a half crime.
[00:25:30] Trey Gerrald: Fair. Oh my gosh. What a weird fines. Good job.
[00:25:34] Chelsey Donn: Thank
[00:25:35] Trey Gerrald: Like vault. All right, let's take a quick break. And when we come back, we will here flip side of this. Review!
[00:25:41] Chelsey Donn: BRB.
[00:25:42] Trey Gerrald: BRBs.
[00:25:47] VOICEOVER: We'll be right back.
[00:26:13] Trey Gerrald: it's game time, right? Chelsey let's strap ourselves in to this rotating ride and get ready for a spin on the Meryl-Go-Round. '
[00:26:26] VOICEOVER: I don't feel like an icon. Most of the days, I feel like
[00:26:36] Chelsey Donn: here's the deal. Trey and I have each picked a rotten scathing, pithy One-Star-Zinger and with 30 seconds on the clock, we'll take turns, trying to recite the zinger in as many genres as possible
[00:26:48] Trey Gerrald: just like queen Meryl Streep, who does it
[00:26:50] Chelsey Donn: before the clock runs out.
[00:26:52] Trey Gerrald: today? I have a One-Star-Zinger from party city,
[00:26:58] Chelsey Donn: Your fav.
[00:26:59] Trey Gerrald: and this is for the air horn can!.
[00:27:03] Chelsey Donn: Okay. Is that like those things that are like,
[00:27:06] Trey Gerrald: No. it's like the can of like, "AHHHHHHHHH" and you know
[00:27:11] Chelsey Donn: it's just like a loud, a siren sound kind of
[00:27:14] Trey Gerrald: exactly.
[00:27:15] Chelsey Donn: Okay.
[00:27:15] Trey Gerrald: So this subject is not working and the Review! from Chino is didn't make sound.
[00:27:23] Chelsey Donn: What a disappointment.
[00:27:25] Trey Gerrald: Didn't make period. And then sound is capitalized.
[00:27:30] Chelsey Donn: Yes. Thank you for clarifying.
[00:27:31] Trey Gerrald: As I love with party city reviews. There's a bottom line and I guess you select some options and it says, no, I would not recommend to a friend,
[00:27:41] Chelsey Donn: I wouldn't either. I mean, the whole point of the thing is to make sound. All right, try. I'm going to strap you into a megaphone so that you can shout your way around this Meryl-Go-Round
[00:27:51] Trey Gerrald: Ooh.
[00:27:53] Chelsey Donn: Last
[00:27:55] VOICEOVER: Three, Two, One, GO!.
[00:27:58] Chelsey Donn: drama,
[00:27:59] Trey Gerrald: Did it make sound?
[00:28:02] Chelsey Donn: romcom,
[00:28:03] Trey Gerrald: Did it make sound,
[00:28:06] Chelsey Donn: Yankee
[00:28:08] Trey Gerrald: does that make sound,
[00:28:11] Chelsey Donn: disaster,
[00:28:12] Trey Gerrald: did it make sound
[00:28:16] Chelsey Donn: TLC reality.
[00:28:18] Trey Gerrald: Mike Shane?
[00:28:20] Chelsey Donn: Opera adult film
[00:28:26] VOICEOVER: That's All!
[00:28:30] Chelsey Donn: I'm giving you opera diva,
[00:28:31] Trey Gerrald: Thank you.
[00:28:32] Chelsey Donn: because I so enjoy how much you do that. That was like frigging to me. That was definitely I think your best ever try. Hold on seven. Wow.
[00:28:40] Trey Gerrald: All right.
[00:28:41] Chelsey Donn: I think that's a tie for your best.
[00:28:42] Trey Gerrald: done seven before, but
[00:28:44] Chelsey Donn: but like that was great. That was a really good round. You should give yourself a pat on the back.
[00:28:48] Trey Gerrald: Thank
[00:28:50] Chelsey Donn: You're welcome.
[00:28:50] Trey Gerrald: is your zinger today?
[00:28:52] Chelsey Donn: Okay. So today my zinger, I just kept with the Mall theme and I went with auntie Anne's pretzels. I don't know if like Mall was an auntie Anne's or a Wetzels pretzels, but ours decidedly. Any ans this review is written by a Susanna I, and it's a one-star review and it says I got food poisoning from this location.
[00:29:14] Chelsey Donn: So sad. I never thought you could get food poisoning from a pretzel. I
[00:29:18] Trey Gerrald: I literally going to say that, like, what is it? Bad Dough?
[00:29:22] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. I guess eggs in the DOE were bad. I don't know, but it's, I'm sorry, Susanna. I hate that
[00:29:28] Trey Gerrald: poor Susanna. All right. Well, and this case Chelsey, I'm going to strap you into Shappy.
[00:29:35] Chelsey Donn: God. Yay. Oh my goodness. Our, one of our, uh, Royal Highness. Good idea.
[00:29:43] Trey Gerrald: Are you ready?
[00:29:46] Chelsey Donn: Got a stretch.
[00:29:46] Chelsey Donn: Yes, I am ready.
[00:29:48] VOICEOVER: Three, Two, One, GO!.
[00:29:54] Chelsey Donn: I food poisoning location
[00:29:57] Trey Gerrald: game show
[00:29:58] Chelsey Donn: I got
[00:30:03] Trey Gerrald: magic show
[00:30:05] Chelsey Donn: I got food poisoning from this location.
[00:30:09] Trey Gerrald: teen drama. Courtroom drama.
[00:30:16] Chelsey Donn: I got food poisoning from this location.
[00:30:20] Trey Gerrald: Spy.
[00:30:21] Chelsey Donn: I got food poisoning from this location.
[00:30:23] VOICEOVER: That's all!
[00:30:24] Trey Gerrald: You got six diva.
[00:30:26] Chelsey Donn: Woo. You won. Take your bow Quinn. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
[00:30:31] Trey Gerrald: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
[00:30:38] One Star Review for Mall of America
[00:30:38] VOICEOVER: Review That Review.
[00:30:42] Chelsey Donn: Oh, right. We are back from that rousing game break. Got to say it. And it is your turn. Trey. I can't wait to hear the flip side of this even. I mean, if we can call it a flip side, I don't even know what that side was, but I can't wait to hear the one-star review. So what are you, what have you got for us?
[00:31:00] Trey Gerrald: All right. So today I have a one-star review from TripAdvisor for Mall of America written by, Okay.
[00:31:08] Trey Gerrald: This is, um, all lower case. Obiratkenobi. And The image I think is like, did like Han solo have a D there there's some older man, older white man with a white beard and white hair who I know was in one of those original star Trek movies, star wars. movie, Star wars or star wars, or
[00:31:29] Chelsey Donn: star wars. I was like going to my right or you wrong? Yes.
[00:31:32] Trey Gerrald: so I know that this image is that person, but this is OB rat Kenobi. Okay.
[00:31:38] Chelsey Donn: Okay.
[00:31:39] Trey Gerrald: So OB rat Kenobi's one star review subject is I'd rather be mauled, M a U L E D,
[00:31:49] Chelsey Donn: We're just punning and punting and whatever, all over the place.
[00:31:52] Trey Gerrald: which was the last pun of Vox ease. So very interesting. The subject has, I'd rather be mauled
[00:32:01] Chelsey Donn: Okay.
[00:32:03] Trey Gerrald: dot, dot, dot by bears than go here again.
[00:32:07] Trey Gerrald: Total disclosure. I hate shopping and an engineer and don't understand the logic behind these places. I pick something up. Check Amazon realized the Mall is 100% or more than Amazon prime price shipped to my door. Put item down and repeat this process until I leave. I get it. The social aspect. Okay. maybe, but don't buy anything.
[00:32:38] Trey Gerrald: We got some swatch watches that was more of an experience than Amazon, I suppose. My daughter designed one. Cool. I am told, I asked a bar slash restaurant. If I could walk around with a beer. Nope, come on, MN! Think us, us guys. You put a theme park in there, but adults can't have a beverage while their wives look at 7,000 stores.
[00:33:08] Trey Gerrald: I was here in 80 degree weather. Suppose in December, I would give it two stars for the heater. Go to a park, go to a museum, go to a bar, go to your grandparents' house. Don't go here.
[00:33:28] Chelsey Donn: All right. Obi rat Kenobi. I smell a rat. I mean, it's one of those reviews where it's like, if you hate shopping, You're not the right audience. You can kind of peripherally understand why somebody would find going to a Mall entertaining, but you're not a part of that. Populace. Why are you a part of the conversation on the TripAdvisor?
[00:33:52] Trey Gerrald: Yeah, it's bizarre also, like I think that some of the value here is the fact that they're a self-proclaimed engineer, but they sort of say that, but then all the reasons they don't like them all has nothing to do with the logistics of being an engineer.
[00:34:06] Chelsey Donn: Yeah, it's so weird to me. Like as soon as you, you know, was sorta like mad about it, and then you said the engineer line and I thought, oh, this is interesting. Maybe they're going to about how do you get an entire amusement park indoors in this structure? Another thing which I thought was interesting as they said that if they went in like the winter, I guess, that they would have been impressed by the heat.
[00:34:27] Chelsey Donn: I don't know if they're talking about this, but I read in, in a few of my reviews that one of the unique things about the architecture of this structure is that they actually don't have a huge. They use, like, I know they use some sort of like something with their roof and then a solar like powered layer.
[00:34:47] Chelsey Donn: And then they also rely on the body heat of the people in the Mall itself to heat the structure. Yeah. So I thought it was interesting and odd that they brought up the heater because they don't have a heater.
[00:35:00] Trey Gerrald: well also, do you think that this person works at Amazon now that like, cause this is really like pushing
[00:35:07] Chelsey Donn: Amazon heavy. Amazon doesn't need any help. You know what I mean? We all, we all get it. Like we know Amazon is killing the Mall. There's no question about it. Look around America. I mean the Malls are all closing down. The Mall of America is staying open because it is, as you said in the beginning, more of a tourist attraction than anything else.
[00:35:32] Chelsey Donn: So I, I would think that if any of the Malls in America were to stay open, it would be the Mall of America, right. For that reason. So Amazon doesn't need any help from. OB rat Kenobi here. And OB rat Kenobi is also not making a point that we don't already know. We know we can buy it on Amazon, you know, so if we're coming to this review page, we're coming because we want to go to the Mall at baseline.
[00:36:02] Chelsey Donn: So I think that some of the other facts, which I still think are weird, like why would you think. Open alcohol in a place where there are kids running around. Why was that? So perplexing to OB rat Kenobi?
[00:36:18] Trey Gerrald: Also just going into spelling And grammar here. It was interesting to me that of the four times they say the word Amazon it's never capitalized. And then it says, I asked a bar lowercase B slash upper case, R restaurant. So that's weird. Okay. So all the spelling is, is pretty much right. There's just the one, like typo where it says, think us, us. skies. I think it was supposed to be, Think of us guys. I
[00:36:44] Chelsey Donn: of us guys. Yeah. I mean, what about the whole like, Hey, so he took his daughter to the swatch store. She made her own custom watch, which I think is pretty cool, especially for a kid. Like, I I'm sure if I was a kid, I would think it would be cool and fun to design my own watch. So why, why is it cool? I am told like
[00:37:07] Trey Gerrald: Yeah, there is this little, like a place place of judgment and this whole Review! I get it. it's the social aspect. Okay. Maybe
[00:37:20] Chelsey Donn: No, it is the social aspect just because you don't like it doesn't mean other people don't find it social just because you are questioning whether or not making a custom watch is cool to a kid. That's getting it. I'm sure it is cool. indisputably. So why are we calling into dispute also, you know, major, major pet peeve of mine.
[00:37:42] Chelsey Donn: I hate when any reviewer like OB rat Kenobi did at the end of this is going to tell people what they should do with their time. Go to a park, your grandma's. You know, go to a bar, like, why are you telling people what it is that they should do? If you're going to write a review, that's going to be one star about this location.
[00:38:02] Chelsey Donn: Tell me that everything there is overpriced, you know, tell me that they're hiking up the price because it seems like they're there. Overhead is high. You know what I mean? Like fine. That, that would be one thing that I'm going to consider. Maybe I'm going to do more window shopping when I get there. But other than, than that, which I don't even know if their prices are inflated or what the deal is with that.
[00:38:23] Chelsey Donn: What information am I getting here? And why are you giving it one star?
[00:38:27] Trey Gerrald: Also like go to a park. Okay. There is multiple theme parks inside of the sMall, so that's a park. And then also go to a bar. You just said you went to a bar at the Mall of America. So real. I mean, I think they're being shady because they're just like, it's their personal point of view. Like don't go shop at them all shop online.
[00:38:48] Chelsey Donn: I, yeah. I just think there's no universal impact here. the, the thesis statement is if you don't like Malls, don't go to Mall of America. Shocking.
[00:38:57] Trey Gerrald: So then do you think this is a typical or common experience? I feel like if you know that you hate shopping, but then I guess lot of people are dragged along to shopping.
[00:39:08] Chelsey Donn: I guess so, but then if you're dragged along, it's like, if you're somebody that doesn't really like museums, but your significant other loves museums, right.
[00:39:17] Trey Gerrald: Yeah. I'm not going to leave a negative review about a
[00:39:19] Chelsey Donn: yeah, you're going to be quote unquote dragged along, but you're not going to be like that van Gogh exhibit was really boring and like, I hate art.
[00:39:28] Chelsey Donn: So I guess people like art, but I hate it. Like you're not going to do that. And that's.
[00:39:34] Trey Gerrald: right. There's no value
[00:39:35] Chelsey Donn: I mean, clearly there was an attempted humor. Who are you trying to get out of here? Are you trying to get at the other husbands, you know, have wives are going to be dragged here to let them know that you're on their side.
[00:39:47] Chelsey Donn: Also, have we ever had a Review! before that started with a dot.dot and how do we start feel with a Review! starting with a dot.dot. I know that it's a continuation of the title, but.
[00:40:00] Trey Gerrald: Well, I think in theory, I hate it, But, when you are looking at it on the page, it is funny. Like that's the only like humor point for me is that before hearing Fox ease and seeing like, oh, I guess this isn't clever. When I read this, I, thought I'd rather be mauled. Then the review was dieted up by bears. Like I thought that was actually very funny, then that feels like that was written by someone else.
[00:40:23] Trey Gerrald: It has nothing to do with the rest of the Review!. I don't know. I think that this is not a deal breaker for me. I'm not going to go to a scientist to ask their opinion on anti-science. It's like, doesn't make any sense.
[00:40:36] Chelsey Donn: and I feel like a little bit like OB rat Kenobi, didn't deliver on a promise with the detail of him being an engineer. Like don't, don't even include that. If you're not gonna then give your engineer point of view, like who cares that you're an
[00:40:54] Trey Gerrald: thought that was going to go somewhere and it did
[00:40:56] Chelsey Donn: I really did. I was quite disappointed.
[00:40:58] Chelsey Donn: I think I'm ready to crown. Is there anything else that we haven't considered that we need to,
[00:41:03] Trey Gerrald: No, I think that's oh, he did, OB rat Kenobi attaches a photo and it's like, kind of off center of like a staircase, like, but it's not scent. Like like an old man photo.
[00:41:15] Chelsey Donn: Oh my God. But like, isn't that weird with a staircase? Because the last year you talked about the stairwell.
[00:41:22] Trey Gerrald: Oh yeah.
[00:41:23] Chelsey Donn: Isn't that kind of crazy.
[00:41:25] Chelsey Donn: Maybe OB rat Kenobi and Fox E or cousins or something. And this is how this whole experience transpired. I don't
[00:41:34] Trey Gerrald: And the daughter is Barbie who made their own watch at swatch.
[00:41:38] Chelsey Donn: my God. That's even grosser because that would be like his niece. Okay. Now this is getting too far. Yuck. Okay. Let's let's crown it.
[00:41:47] VOICEOVER: The Queens are Tabulating.
[00:41:54] Chelsey Donn: Okay, Trey's holding up one crown. I'm holding up again a half crown. I mean, I really felt compelled again to maybe do a zero crown. I was struggling between the zero and a half. Why did I go with the half? I guess again? A little bit of the attempt of humor. I feel like we're dealing with a similar character.
[00:42:13] Chelsey Donn: So all the points I made for Foxy kind of apply here. And then as of course, we've, we've mentioned at length, just no value for somebody looking to go to Mall of America. It's kind of like when you're reading a review and you're like, Ugh, it's like, I just, I just exited off to the rest stop. And now I gotta get back on the road and, and look for more reviews.
[00:42:34] Chelsey Donn: So it was a detour for me. Uh, and for that reason, half crown. How about you? Why one crown?
[00:42:41] Trey Gerrald: Yeah.
[00:42:41] Trey Gerrald: I said one crown, because ultimately the only value here I'm getting is that if you were not into shopping, this is really going to be a nightmare for you.
[00:42:52] Chelsey Donn: Yeah,
[00:42:52] Trey Gerrald: And it really did sort of highlight. I've never considered are things that a Mall overpriced. I've never thought about the price difference between Amazon and S and store, sort of got me thinking, which is why I was excited to bring this in.
[00:43:07] Trey Gerrald: but the rest, I think the Review! is sort of a mess and you know, it wasn't for me. So I gave one because they're like, that's the one little tidbit of value. yeah.
[00:43:20] Trey Gerrald: I don't know.
[00:43:21] Chelsey Donn: Yeah.
[00:43:22] There's A Reply!
[00:43:22] Chelsey Donn: I mean, I just think saying like, oh my God, Oh, my God. Okay. So I want to hear the reply, but I just wanted to say, I feel like saying that like, you know, it's valuable that the person that doesn't like moles doesn't like Mall of America is like saying like person that is, has like a fear of yarn, doesn't want to go to the largest yarn ball in America.
[00:43:48] Chelsey Donn: Like, it's just like, so like, duh, you know,
[00:43:53] Trey Gerrald: Oh,
[00:43:53] Chelsey Donn: is that even factoring into the, the equation? Like, okay, you don't like Malls, you're probably not going to like the biggest Mall in the country, just
[00:44:03] Trey Gerrald: I know, but I would've thought that you would at least be entertained by like the fact that there's a theme park or like anything other than a regular Mall, but he
[00:44:12] Chelsey Donn: Right. Like you're taking the person that like is the, like most extreme on not liking them all. And if like you can't even convince them a little bit to open up their, you know, 10 man heart
[00:44:25] Trey Gerrald: stop exposing me. I was just trying to do something higher than I have crowd. Okay. Leave it aloud. Okay. So here is the reply from Mall of America.
[00:44:36] Chelsey Donn: Okay.
[00:44:37] Trey Gerrald: Thank you for your thorough and honest Review! we appreciate the feedback specifically about your restaurant experience and the time you spent writing this message for us, we'll be sure to pass this along, to help improve visits in the future.
[00:44:54] Trey Gerrald: Thank you again. Take care
[00:44:57] Chelsey Donn: Okay, thank you. Mall of America.
[00:45:01] Trey Gerrald: because it's like.
[00:45:04] Chelsey Donn: Well, I think it was nice. I liked it. It was short. It did kind of feel like a little bit of an auto reply to a negative review, but I liked the fact that whoever did it still managed to like give a detail from the Review! like, particularly what you said about the restaurant, you know, like
[00:45:21] Trey Gerrald: I know, but what they said was why can't I walk around with the beer? Like.
[00:45:26] Chelsey Donn: I know, but that's why I'm saying, like, I feel like they at tried to connect with something about the Review! like when you're messaging someone on a dating app and you're like, they're like,
[00:45:36] Trey Gerrald: me include this batt from the
[00:45:38] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. They're like holding a dog that has sunglasses on. And like, what about that dog?
[00:45:44] Chelsey Donn: As long as it's hot, know, I don't know. Yeah. Obviously it didn't really add much to the situation, but it is sort of funny that they're like, thanks. Contribution when it's like, there's clearly no contribution here.
[00:45:57] Trey Gerrald: But they said that they'll pass it along. Who do you think guest relation Mall of America is passing this along to?
[00:46:05] Chelsey Donn: Did you notice when you were reading the one-star reviews that there were a lot of other replies.
[00:46:10] Trey Gerrald: Yeah, there were, there were a sprinkling, they all felt as generic as this.
[00:46:14] Chelsey Donn: I was going to say, cause it really just feels like somebody, the only thing I'm getting from this is it feels like somebody's job is to go on TripAdvisor and respond to all these and just make it sound like you're not a robot. Like, I feel like that was the assignment, you know,
[00:46:29] Trey Gerrald: I know, but I'm, but I'm confused.
[00:46:32] Chelsey Donn: I'm
[00:46:32] Trey Gerrald: were they passing this along to? Is that.
[00:46:34] Trey Gerrald: just a lie? They're not passing this along to anyone, right?
[00:46:38] Chelsey Donn: they're definitely pass this along to anyone. It's definitely a lot. It's a very empty promise and we know they know it, you know, but they're also throwing a little bit of shade back, which I kind of appreciate, like, okay. Thank you for your,
[00:46:54] Trey Gerrald: you for the time it's sucky to write about.
[00:46:56] Chelsey Donn: yea