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TRANSCRIPT of Episode 42: "Niagara Falls / Slinky"



Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald
Episode 42: "Niagara Falls / Slinky"

Transcription


*Please Pardon any spelling errors!


THEME SONG: [00:00:00] Everybody's got an opinion.

Every Californian and Virginian.

It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.

Someone's gotta settle the score.

Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!

Whose views win, which ones lose.

Online haters are comin' for you!

Baby, it's time to Review That Review!

[00:00:29] Chelsey Donn: Hi!

[00:00:30] Trey Gerrald: Hi, Chelsey and hello listeners. Welcome to Review That Review! the podcast dedicated to reviewing.

[00:00:38] Chelsey Donn: Review! Reviews! We're just like Siskel and Ebert only instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we write and review those hilarious scathing and sometimes suspicious online reviews.

[00:00:51] Trey Gerrald: That's Chelsey Donn,

[00:00:52] Chelsey Donn: And that's Trey Gerrald.

[00:00:54] Trey Gerrald: and together we are

[00:00:56] VOICEOVER: theReviewQueens.

[00:01:00] Trey Gerrald: To support the show while getting bonus and exclusive content, including our special members. Only after show podcast. Visit our Patreon at Patreon.com/ReviewThatReview.

[00:01:14] Trey Gerrald: Hey Chelsey girl, how's your week going?

[00:01:16] Chelsey Donn: oh, my weekend's going good. It was funny when we were doing that intro, I was having like Mary, Kate and Ashley flashbacks. Like we'll solve that crime by dinner time. Remember that we did take a photo like that. Didn't we?

[00:01:28] Trey Gerrald: we? did actually, um, double, double toil and trouble.

[00:01:31] Chelsey Donn: Exactly. Oh my God. I used to watch all those movies as a kid. Did you watch them?

[00:01:36] Trey Gerrald: Of course.

[00:01:37] Chelsey Donn: well, doc, my week's good. How's your week.

[00:01:40] Trey Gerrald: I'm having a great week and you might be able to tell on my vocal intonations here, but I have been having a little bit of, um, postnasal drip because the weather is just so constantly changing. And so I do feel like I'm a little congested, but thankfully we have some over-the-counter medications that can help with that.

[00:01:57] Trey Gerrald: And otherwise I'm slugging through and, Um,

[00:02:00] Trey Gerrald: yeah, life is really good and I'm really happy to be here.

[00:02:03] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. I feel like this podcast brought to you by, Zyrtec or, you know what I mean?

[00:02:08] Trey Gerrald: Yeah, no, no question about that. Well, all right. So why don't we jump into some complaints, Chelsey, is there anything that's just like scratching at the core of your life that you really feel like it's time to get it off your chest and

[00:02:22] Lodge A Complaint

[00:02:22] VOICEOVER: Lodge A Complaint.

[00:02:23] Trey Gerrald: about.

[00:02:24] Chelsey Donn: Of course trey. I don't know if we talked about this. I don't really care if we did. I don't understand why the group text function

[00:02:34] Trey Gerrald: Oh, God.

[00:02:35] Chelsey Donn: doesn't have a BCC. You know, it's twenty, twenty two. We've had iPhones. I iMessage for a while. I have to update my phone all the time. Right. All kinds of things. I just updated my phone recently cause the new iPhone came out.

[00:02:50] Chelsey Donn: So now it's self-destructing as they do. And I don't understand, this seems like a very basic feature. Why is there no BCC on iMessage? I had a friend that I love very much who invited me to support him in an endeavor, which I would love to do. And I will, and he texted, I don't know, 60 of us. Okay. And I get it because at this point, maybe we don't all have everybody's email and maybe it was just easy just to click, click, click, whatever it is.

[00:03:24] Chelsey Donn: And he did respectfully say in the message, like this is a mass text, please don't respond here. Like, if you have any questions, any whatever messaged me directly, this is just like friends and family. Get this information. So I don't even blame him, but inevitably, even if people are just like Harding it, liking it, like whatever it is, being, being winged, like it is like, you would think I just won the jackpot on a slot machine for the amount of times this thing goes off.

[00:03:51] Chelsey Donn: You know what I mean?

[00:03:52] Trey Gerrald: I'm so angry. I can't even, you know how I feel about textual communication group text I can't, but I've never considered until this moment a BCC. That would be really smart because sometimes people are more private about their stuff, so they don't want, you know, other people getting their information.

[00:04:10] Trey Gerrald: But yeah, I hear you. That's a great complaint. You know, please never group text me, but if you are going to just, don't

[00:04:18] Chelsey Donn: Just don't, you know? Alright. Complaint lodged. How about you? Trey lay it on.

[00:04:23] Trey Gerrald: So I sort of have a similar vein here about other people's actions that I need to complain about. And this has become more prevalent probably since moving out of the south and into a more fast paced area.

[00:04:36] Trey Gerrald: But I really, really hate it when people. Get to the register and they don't know what they want to order, or they aren't ready with their money or they have questions or they're on the phone or they're not paying attention, especially when you've been in a long line. Why haven't you been using that time to prep?

[00:04:56] Chelsey Donn: Yes.

[00:04:57] Trey Gerrald: if you're going to go to like shake shack, you're not going to get a certain lasagna. You're going to get something that shake shack offers. You probably already have some sort of idea of what it is you'll be ordering. So why do you then have to be like, Hmm, what is it that I want also, like, if you're at CVS, This should just be a quick transaction.

[00:05:19] Trey Gerrald: Why are you like asking questions? It pains me, especially at a coffee shop. That's why I love mobile ordering, but like, if you don't know what your order is, why did you not think about it prior? It's just very inconsiderate. I understand there's a delicate balance between being patient and letting people live their own lives experiences, but there is also just, it's an inconsiderate trait to not be concerned with being at least on top of the clock.

[00:05:48] Trey Gerrald: When it's your turn. That's all. I really, it really bugs me.

[00:05:52] Chelsey Donn: Uh, I come lately completely hear you. Interestingly, I'm of two minds about this

[00:05:59] Trey Gerrald: knew you would be.

[00:05:59] Chelsey Donn: here. Well, here's where I am. I am 1000% with you on like the stop clogging up the chain. There is no reason to clog. I am in there. I know my order like that is it. And then we're out and let's get the next person. The second way, I will just empathize with people, especially with New York city is I remember when I first moved to New York, I used to get so stressed out because I remember when I went to chopped salad for the first time and it was to read the menu while I was online and it was moving so fast and I could tell everybody knew what they were getting.

[00:06:39] Chelsey Donn: Cause they clearly ordered. Every single day. And I had never been there before and there's someone behind me going like, come on, I ready. And I was just like, oh, I don't know what I'm doing, but I gotta be honest. It took me like about two weeks and then I was the c'mon already lady. So I get it.

[00:06:56] Trey Gerrald: No. I recognize that, especially if there is a very specific menu with tons of tweaks and options, any of the, even like a subway blaze pizza or yogurt or any of that stuff where it's, you're customizing it. That is very intimidating. I recognize that.

[00:07:12] Chelsey Donn: but other than that, I gray, like let's get on with it.

[00:07:16] Trey Gerrald: Well, at least be like aware that other people are waiting, especially when it.

[00:07:21] Trey Gerrald: comes to like Starbucks. Most Americans understand Starbucks at this point. We've had it long enough. You don't need to hem and haw. Okay.

[00:07:29] Chelsey Donn: Completely agree. Good complaint. Trey.

[00:07:32] Trey Gerrald: And also it reminds me of when I complained about, or maybe it was Emily, I think it was Emily

[00:07:37] Chelsey Donn: Oh my God, elevator or the escalator escalator.

[00:07:40] Trey Gerrald: there's a compromise about the escalator. If you're going to like take us in moment to not walk, move to the right side so that people that are in a hurry can brush past you on the left side.

[00:07:51] Trey Gerrald: You know, it's like maybe take a little time to look at the menu before you get in the line, if you're that overwhelmed, know, anyway. All right. Well, I appreciate this opportunity to get that off my chest. It is. Part of the liveness that lives inside of me. So, you know, I feel some levity now. So why Chelsey?

[00:08:10] Trey Gerrald: Why don't we get into some other people's live witness? Are you ready to jump into some online Review!?

[00:08:15] Chelsey Donn: Oh my God. I would love that. As you know, we are your trusty Review! Queens. We each bring in our view from the internet that we feel needs to be inspected.

[00:08:25] Trey Gerrald: We read you the Review!, we break it down and then we rate the impact of the review on a scale from zero to five crowns. It is a very Regal process that we call.

[00:08:35] VOICEOVER: Assess That Kvetch

[00:08:37] Trey Gerrald: And today, Chelsey, you're first,

[00:08:41] Chelsey Donn: it's an honor.

[00:08:42] Trey Gerrald: take it away. RQ-C.

[00:08:46] Niagara Falls 1 Star Review

[00:08:46] VOICEOVER: Review That Review.

[00:08:50] Chelsey Donn: So today I have a TripAdvisor review of Niagara falls where I've never been. It is a one dot Review! written by K G B B Y guy.

[00:09:08] Trey Gerrald: Okay.

[00:09:09] Chelsey Donn: agree on something for the.

[00:09:11] Trey Gerrald: KGBBY GUY.

[00:09:14] Chelsey Donn: KGBBYGUY

[00:09:15] Trey Gerrald: KGB. Oh, cage. The KGB is not like

[00:09:19] Chelsey Donn: there's two BS,

[00:09:21] Trey Gerrald: KGBBYGUY,

[00:09:23] Chelsey Donn: KGBBYGUY. Okay. KGBBYGUY. Got it. All right. So this is KGBBYGUYs one dot review of Niagara Falls. Title, a natural wonder destroyed by development and greed.

[00:09:39] Trey Gerrald: Oh,

[00:09:40] Chelsey Donn: Obviously the Falls themselves are gorgeous and would leave anybody awestruck. But I honestly don't think it's worth visiting unless you are already passing through. Why? Because human development has encroached right up to the falls edge on both sides of the river. There is no sense of nature, no respect for the local ecosystem.

[00:10:08] Chelsey Donn: There are tacky casinos, observation towers, and crummy chain store restaurants within sight while staring at the beauty of the falls. Now I'm not against people making a penny. And I wouldn't mind if all of these attractions were in a nearby town, but couldn't, they have preserved the surrounding ecosystem a bit better?

[00:10:34] Chelsey Donn: Could you imagine stumbling onto the falls after traveling a wooded path? With a deer and chipmunks scurrying about! You hear the rumbling as you near, and then through a natural clearing: BAM! The most massive movement of water on earth! But Nope, you park in a lot. Walk 30 feet, take some damn selfies and then go eat a cheeseburger at the Hard Rock Cafe.

[00:11:07] Chelsey Donn: This place is utterly indescribably depressing.

[00:11:15] Trey Gerrald: Wow.

[00:11:17] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. I learned a lot in this Review!.

[00:11:20] Trey Gerrald: I feel emotionally stirred by this review by KGBbyguy, you know, at first I felt a little bit like, okay, get real. Like, of course they're going to like surround the area with tourism shops, but then I actually sort of understand, like, this is a natural wonder of the world. And so it is interesting if like the view.

[00:11:42] Trey Gerrald: It's like, you're picking up like a hard rock cafe in the background. Like it's absurd. It's like not obstructing, but it's encroaching on this awe inspiring view.

[00:11:53] Chelsey Donn: 1000%. And I just want to say for reference, this was written it's. Oh, interesting. Okay. So they went, I'm sorry, I didn't read this part of the Review! cause I thought it was the date. So, so they went to Niagara falls, January, 2019. They wrote this Review! September 14th, 2019. So eight months later, but they're owning up to it at the top.

[00:12:22] Chelsey Donn: You know, they're like, it took me eight months to come down from the depression of going to Niagara falls to write this Review! I really liked this Review! and I really like KGBBYGUY. I even liked the little moment of like, imagine, you know, because I think it's true. Like I've never been to Niagara falls, but it is definitely on the bucket list.

[00:12:44] Chelsey Donn: Like I'd like to go. And I think by reading this Review! I feel like I can prepare myself. What do you think about the tacky casinos?

[00:12:53] Trey Gerrald: it's funny. I wrote that down actually, because I love casinos?

[00:12:57] Chelsey Donn: Yeah, here,

[00:12:59] Trey Gerrald: yeah. I mean, I don't know. I, I also, you mentioned like, I w the experience of imagining myself as a chipmunk and just stumbling upon this, but I'm not a chipmunk and I'm never going to be, so I do feel. I recognize the point here. And I there's a lot of value because I do think that just simply reading KGBBYGUY's.

[00:13:22] Trey Gerrald: Review! now have a new framework with which will ever experience Niagara falls. So I am appreciative of that, but I also recognize there's nothing to be done about it. So there's no point in being depressed about it because you can't change it.

[00:13:39] Chelsey Donn: Yeah, I guess so, but like, don't you think that if you read that, like, first of all, if you read this Review! maybe I would look and see, is there another way to see this? Because I do think there is something very significant about seeing something that is a natural wonder of the world and least being able to pretend like it's timeless.

[00:14:01] Chelsey Donn: You know, anything that is in a natural wonder that is going to remind me of, of, oh, this is present day for me, that does sort of take away the wonder of it all.

[00:14:12] Trey Gerrald: Well, I've had friends that went to Egypt to see the pyramids. And they were saying like, just underneath the Sphinx as like a pizza hut.

[00:14:20] Chelsey Donn: Stop.

[00:14:21] Trey Gerrald: like, you can only do so much with a horizon. You know what I mean? Like if you're looking like you can't, how far out are you going to block buildings?

[00:14:29] Chelsey Donn: do we have to build a hard rock cafe and these casinos right up there saying, and again, never been there, but they're saying like right up to the falls, like they're not giving it, it doesn't sound like any space to breathe.

[00:14:44] Trey Gerrald: Yeah, which is unfortunate. I mean, I think there's nothing to be done, which is my point, but I recognize the value is that I can change my framework when I visit

[00:14:54] Chelsey Donn: Exactly. Like, it's not, I'm not going to change Niagara falls, but like, for me, when I read this, I was like, wow, that's huge. I can really manage my expectations now because I, I would never have expected

[00:15:07] Trey Gerrald: But we are both like taken with KGBBYGUY as being truthful. I mean, we're really both receiving this as true.

[00:15:15] Chelsey Donn: I am receiving. I do immediately. I don't know why. Trust, KGB, bigeye spelling. Very good. Really solid. Clearly did a pass takes reviewing seriously?

[00:15:31] Trey Gerrald: And then the humor here, like I do think like I'm depressed and imagine being a deer at all. think they're like leaning into being a little comic.

[00:15:39] Chelsey Donn: Yeah, I, I think they gave us a little flavor.

[00:15:42] Trey Gerrald: Yeah. I don't think it's a new slapping humor. Like they're going to be on a comedy central special anytime soon, but like, I get the point. Do you think this is common? Do you think people commonly are having this thought?

[00:15:53] Chelsey Donn: I think so.

[00:15:54] Trey Gerrald: Wait, does it say where KGBBYGUY is from?

[00:15:57] Trey Gerrald: near there picture.

[00:15:59] Chelsey Donn: And interestingly enough, I'm just realizing, it says under their name One, contribution. So I guess this is the only Review! that they've written.

[00:16:07] Trey Gerrald: And it's like them eight months to write it.

[00:16:10] Chelsey Donn: Well, I, I, like I said, I think they were in a depression for awhile. And then they said, I got to let the people now, because I would imagine, and again, I'm just assuming here, but that maybe KGBBYGUY uses TripAdvisor as a reader, you know? So maybe they were like, I don't think that this was something that I read about and I want to share it with other people, which I prefer.

[00:16:33] Trey Gerrald: I mean the only like devil's advocate here is like, does it seem as though KGBBYGUY is actually like a planet Hollywood who was denied building right here, because Hardrock is already there. And they're trying to like,

[00:16:46] Trey Gerrald: foul the name of Niagara falls. I don't think so.

[00:16:49] Chelsey Donn: no, I think like if we were in a court of law, I would say like, objection to that speculation. Anything else we should consider before crowning KGBBYGUY?

[00:17:01] Trey Gerrald: I, I like

[00:17:02] Chelsey Donn: I'm

[00:17:03] Trey Gerrald: Yeah, let's do

[00:17:04] Chelsey Donn: me. Chill. Let's do it.

[00:17:05] Trey Gerrald: All right. So Chelsey and I each have Our own set of zero to five crown cards and an effort to be fair and not influence one another. We will simultaneously reveal our.

[00:17:15] VOICEOVER: The Queens are Tabulating.

[00:17:24] Chelsey Donn: Oh wow. Okay. Queens are unanimous four and a half crowns, four and a half crowns. Why four and a half from you?

[00:17:31] Trey Gerrald: I guess I kind of wanted to be generous and make it a five, but I took the half off only because I don't know. I do think that the experience of being there actually will live inside of me. And if I ever go to Niagara falls, this will flash in my memory. So that's pretty amazing, but I don't think that the humor level was so outrageous.

[00:17:53] Trey Gerrald: Like Nayar will always live with me more front of mind.

[00:17:55] Chelsey Donn: sure.

[00:17:56] Trey Gerrald: But I love KGBBYGUY. I'm a little afraid that they're part of like Russian Soviet union situation. But I think that they really add a lot of value to the expectation framework for going here. And I mean, I think that's pretty queenly. What about you Why did you say four and a half?

[00:18:14] Chelsey Donn: I mean, you literally took the words right out of my mouth. Ditto. I agree with everything. Just couldn't give the full five crown Review Queen because there are, yeah, there are reviewers in my mind that really stand out as being spectacular. And that was really the only reason why I didn't make RGB by guy of Review Queen.

[00:18:36] Chelsey Donn: But other than that, like really solid Review!.

[00:18:40] Trey Gerrald: I think you said RGB, Ruth Bader.

[00:18:43] Chelsey Donn: Ah, I didn't mean RGB, although rip RGB.

[00:18:48] Trey Gerrald: Uh, LOL R O F L E T T Y

[00:18:52] Chelsey Donn: There's a lot of letters, guys. It is a hard to remember these names when they're just random letters, but, sorry.

[00:19:00] Trey Gerrald: Well, why don't we do some more letters and BRS.

[00:19:03] Chelsey Donn: Good. I DIA, oh, I don't know if there's an abbreviation for that. Yes, let's. Let's be RB.

[00:19:09] Trey Gerrald: All right, we'll come back and we'll get into my Review! after this quick break Tata for now.

[00:19:17] VOICEOVER: Hold your crown. We'll be right back.

[00:19:48] 00:19:31 Meryl-Go-Round[00:19:48] 00:19:29 Ad Break

[00:19:48] Trey Gerrald: And it's One-Star-Zinger time. All right, Chelsey, let's get ready to take a quick spin on the Meryl-Go-Round. '

[00:19:55] VOICEOVER: I don't feel like an icon.

[00:20:01] VOICEOVER: that's with an a.

[00:20:04] Chelsey Donn: All right, Trey and I have each picked a rotten scathing, pithy One-Star-Zinger and with 30 seconds on the clock, we'll each try to recite our zinger in as many genres as possible

[00:20:16] Trey Gerrald: Just like queen Meryl Streep, who does it all.

[00:20:18] Chelsey Donn: before the clock runs out. Okay. Trey. Where is your One-Star-Zinger from today?

[00:20:23] Trey Gerrald: Okay. Today I have a One-Star-Zinger from Petco.com and this is for Greenies original, petite, natural dog dental care chews oral health dog treats 36 ounces. Count of 60.

[00:20:42] VOICEOVER: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

[00:20:45] Trey Gerrald: And this was written, um, three years ago by BrittanyF89BE. This is a One-Star-Zinger and the Review is, I think this product gave my Husky kidney issues and pancreatitis. Oh,

[00:21:02] Chelsey Donn: so sad. I hate that. I don't like Greenies is sorry, Greenies.

[00:21:07] Trey Gerrald: but what an assumption, right?

[00:21:09] Chelsey Donn: I did hear that. Not that this is super important, but I did hear they changed the recipe.

[00:21:14] Trey Gerrald: Oh, well, that's interesting. All right. So what am I strapped in on

[00:21:17] Chelsey Donn: All right. Let's, let's strap you in on a toothbrush, you know, because green knees are, you know, toothbrushes for dogs.

[00:21:27] Trey Gerrald: Perfect. Okay. Can I be a electronic? One,

[00:21:31] Chelsey Donn: 1000%.

[00:21:32] Trey Gerrald: give me those vibrations. All right. I'm ready.

[00:21:36] Chelsey Donn: All right, let's do it.

[00:21:37] VOICEOVER: Three, Two, One, GO!.

[00:21:41] Chelsey Donn: Pop star,

[00:21:43] Trey Gerrald: think that's product gay, my Husky kidney issues, angry at Titus.

[00:21:49] Chelsey Donn: Southern

[00:21:50] Trey Gerrald: think that's product eight. My Husky kidney. Is she using pancreatitis?

[00:21:55] Chelsey Donn: adult.

[00:21:57] Trey Gerrald: Alright. Product Husky kidney issues at pancreas.

[00:22:04] Chelsey Donn: news

[00:22:05] Trey Gerrald: try to get my Husky kidney issues and pancreatitis.

[00:22:08] Chelsey Donn: WWE.

[00:22:11] Trey Gerrald: wow. That hurt.

[00:22:13] Chelsey Donn: don't

[00:22:14] Trey Gerrald: I'm having postnasal drip in that hurt. I tried to begin man and adult film cause I always try to be a

[00:22:20] Chelsey Donn: Yeah, listen, I really liked the variance of, of those reads.

[00:22:24] Trey Gerrald: Thank you

[00:22:25] Chelsey Donn: that is five Trey. Good job.

[00:22:29] Trey Gerrald: you. All right. What is your zinger?

[00:22:31] Chelsey Donn: All right. So, you know, I have a whole arsenal of like gag gifts cause that's my fav. So, so this is from my gag gift inventory. It is a one-star Amazon review for bacon band-aids.

[00:22:46] Trey Gerrald: Oh my God. not very kosher.

[00:22:49] Chelsey Donn: Not kosher at all though. No pigs were harmed in the making of these bandaids. This Review! is written by HarrietEM. The subject is received wrong item

[00:23:04] Trey Gerrald: Oh, no,

[00:23:05] Chelsey Donn: and the Review is received a hat, but no band-aids would like a refund.

[00:23:15] Trey Gerrald: that's really off.

[00:23:16] Chelsey Donn: I know.

[00:23:18] Trey Gerrald: All right. Well then in that case, I'm going to strap you in to a Kappa or is it a, kepi a kepi for your Kappa Keepa, copy for your Keepa. Wait, no, I hit my.

[00:23:30] Chelsey Donn: a keep, keep it for your copy.

[00:23:32] Trey Gerrald: Keepa for your cafe. So a, on a little

[00:23:36] Chelsey Donn: I'm I'm protected by my Keepa.

[00:23:39] Trey Gerrald: Alright, here we go.

[00:23:40] Chelsey Donn: Let's do it.

[00:23:42] VOICEOVER: Two,.

[00:23:44] Trey Gerrald: Breaking news,

[00:23:46] Chelsey Donn: Received a hat, but know band-aids would like a refund received but no, band-aids I would like a refund. Well, say hi, but no is my man would like a refund

[00:24:02] Trey Gerrald: announcer

[00:24:04] Chelsey Donn: Reseda had, but no, band-aids

[00:24:09] Chelsey Donn: received a hat, but no band-aids would like a refund.

[00:24:15] Trey Gerrald: five. Why do we keep tying?

[00:24:18] Chelsey Donn: a tie. I dunno. We're just in sync. What can we say?

[00:24:21] Trey Gerrald: I just tried to sing an *NSYNC song and I couldn't think of one.

[00:24:23] Chelsey Donn: Bye Bye Bye.

[00:24:25] Trey Gerrald: We really are *NSYNC. Wow.

[00:24:27] Chelsey Donn: Yeah.

[00:24:30] Slinky 1 Star Review

[00:24:30] VOICEOVER: Review That Review.

[00:24:34] Chelsey Donn: All right. We are back from that rousing game break and it is your turn. Trey, where is your Review! from this week?

[00:24:42] Trey Gerrald: I have a one star review from amazon.com written by Mrs. Scoobers S C O O B E R S. And this is for.

[00:24:54] Chelsey Donn: Mrs. Scoobers

[00:24:56] Trey Gerrald: The original Slinky brand giant metal Slinky kids spring toy,

[00:25:03] Chelsey Donn: Um, did you have one of those?

[00:25:05] Trey Gerrald: of course.

[00:25:06] Chelsey Donn: Me too. I definitely bent the crap out of it though. Um,

[00:25:10] Trey Gerrald: Well, all right, here we go.

[00:25:11] Chelsey Donn: Sorry, before we start, do we think that Mrs. Scoobers is a teacher? I don't think I usually see Mrs. Mrs. Scoobers can you spell it?

[00:25:19] Trey Gerrald: I just did.

[00:25:19] Chelsey Donn: Oh, sorry. I was writing.

[00:25:21] Trey Gerrald: Oh, S C O O B E R S

[00:25:25] Trey Gerrald: And I think your question might be

[00:25:27] Chelsey Donn: Okay. Yes. Okay. Can't wait.

[00:25:30] Trey Gerrald: Okay.

[00:25:30] Trey Gerrald: So here we go. This is Mr. Scoobers one-star review for the original Slinky. The subject is believe the bad reviews,

[00:25:39] Chelsey Donn: Okay.

[00:25:39] Trey Gerrald: and this is a verified purchase written and February of 2017.

[00:25:44] Chelsey Donn: Okay.

[00:25:45] Trey Gerrald: I didn't believe all the other reviews that this Slinky is, caps, NOT the Slinky you remember from your childhood.

[00:25:53] Trey Gerrald: Well, it's NOT!

[00:25:56] Trey Gerrald: It appears that the Poof Slinky brand, which originated in the great state of Pennsylvania has been bought by the Alex Products Toy Company. The original Slinky, according to Wikipedia had 98 coils. This Slinky has 87 coils. It is not long enough to climb downstairs, which was the express purpose for which I purchased this product.

[00:26:25] Trey Gerrald: While, to Alex Products's credit, this product is still made in the USA! Alex should return to the original design, or there will be a whole generation who simply can't understand why the Slinky WAS one of the coolest toys ever! After receiving this item, I contacted Alex Products and they sent me this reply.

[00:26:51] Trey Gerrald: Quote.

[00:26:52] Trey Gerrald: dot dot dot. I would like to clarify. The original Slinky design is from 1945 and is still being made in Hollidaysburg, Pennsylvania on some of the original equipment of James Industry. Poof Products acquired James Industry in 1988. Over the years, only two changes have occurred to the original Slinky.

[00:27:16] Trey Gerrald: End clamps have been added for safety and the length has been shortened from 96 coils to 83 coils. Length did not change the walking ability. The diameter has never changed. Alex Brands is following the same guidelines as Poof Products. Now poof Slinky LLC.

[00:27:39] Trey Gerrald: Below is what you need to make the Slinky walk.

[00:27:43] Trey Gerrald: One: Steps can not have carpet on them and they have to be seven and five eighths to eight inches deep.

[00:27:53] Trey Gerrald: Two: A ramp can be used four inches long and 10 inches high.

[00:27:58] Trey Gerrald: After checking with our factory, all Slinkies walk down several stairs into their boxes off the line. End quote.

[00:28:07] Trey Gerrald: First of all, my steps are not particularly deep and they measure eight and a half inches. But the Slinky I purchased when my daughter was little, parentheses, probably 15 years ago, went down the same set of steps, perfectly fine. And I DO believe that reducing the number of coils has changed the ability to go down stairs. A greater number of coils allows the Slinky to stretch longer. But, whatever. Dot dot dot. Alex Products told me to return the product directly to Amazon. So. I guess I will.

[00:28:46] Trey Gerrald: 140 people found this helpful

[00:28:49] Chelsey Donn: Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Okay.

[00:28:52] Trey Gerrald: what in the world? It's like a science, like report?!

[00:28:55] Chelsey Donn: Yeah, I was going to say, so I definitely think that Mrs. Scoobers is a teacher based on the amount of analysis that was done though. I do think it's interesting that apparently they miscalculated from 83 to 87, unless Alex is wrong.

[00:29:09] Trey Gerrald: Well, that's my question. How do you determine a coil? just hold from one point and then like the neck, when you reach it in a circular motion, that's one coil and you

[00:29:18] Chelsey Donn: think. I would think so also, like how do they know that the original was 98? Do they still have the original Slinky? And like, it doesn't sound like that's published knowledge. That sounds like, like, like we were saying that scientific data, because in the email they're telling us, so how do they know.

[00:29:37] Trey Gerrald: in the email response, they say it went from 96 to 83, but Mrs. Scooper says I went from 98 to 87. So somehow both parties are measuring differently.

[00:29:50] Chelsey Donn: I was wondering if you would count the first and last coil, cause they tend to be like kind of a half coil. So maybe Alex isn't counting those two. Cause that would account for the difference,

[00:30:02] Trey Gerrald: does that half actually denote where it starts and that's your 1, 2, 3 point,

[00:30:09] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. I don't know

[00:30:10] Trey Gerrald: or is it a half? And you add the beginning of the

[00:30:12] Chelsey Donn: it's half and a half and then it's a one, cause it's two halves.

[00:30:15] Trey Gerrald: Also, I would imagine the end caps would help make it walk. Also, I feel like all of my metal ones got bent and feel like There was a huge push of plastic ones in the eighties, nineties.

[00:30:29] Chelsey Donn: There was! Those rainbow ones and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. This is funny to me. I want to applaud Mrs. Scoobers on all the research that they did. I- very detailed. They did hit on the nostalgia of the product, which I think was. I think it was an interesting choice to copy and paste the entire exchange with Alex Toy Company.

[00:30:54] Chelsey Donn: This is a one-star review?

[00:30:56] Trey Gerrald: Hmm.

[00:30:58] Chelsey Donn: It was very informative. Like it was interesting. I feel like I learned a lot of things in that email alone. Like this Review! is so much more than a one-star review. It's like, I've, I've like probably paid for tours that gave me less, less information about a product than this.

[00:31:11] Chelsey Donn: I know that they're still using the same machinery since what was, was, uh, 1945 that, uh, the original factory or whatever still exists. You know, all of these, this interesting data.

[00:31:24] Trey Gerrald: I mean, it does feel to me like a blog rather than a Review!.

[00:31:28] Chelsey Donn: I I'm glad that Mrs. Scoobers said Mrs. Scoobers. Cause I feel like I just went to school, what I was wondering, and I don't really know if it factors in here, they were saying that this is one of the coolest toys ever. And I agree, like I did have fun with this toy as a kid, but I wonder like if I had an iPad and all the things kids have today, What I still think this is the coolest toy ever, or is this more the nostolgia for Mrs. Scoobers, who's attributing that, but kids today, aren't going to be like, I can't wait to like, put this Slinky down, uh, to fight along stairs, you know, I don't know, like who's buying this product

[00:32:11] Trey Gerrald: Well, that is a really Rick question because it kind of makes me think, like, I remember my parents played with jacks. We would try to like, do that with cracker jacks or whatever. Like, and it just never was interesting. Like I was like, wait, I have to pick these up before it bounces the ball, but like, this isn't cool.

[00:32:25] Trey Gerrald: But the Slinky was, interesting to me, but Yeah,

[00:32:28] Trey Gerrald: I imagine if I gave this to my nephew, he'd be like, uh, okay, can I watch paw patrol?

[00:32:34] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. Is this gonna, is this a drone? Is it going to fly? Like, what is it? What is that? Yeah, so I did wonder, like, I think that there is with. Uh, doubt, you know, a lot of emotional history that's coming from the passion of this Review! and the extreme due diligence that was done to, you know, express. No, this is not the same product that you had when you were.

[00:33:03] Trey Gerrald: It's also interesting because ultimately the company. Like Mrs. Scoobers purchased this from Amazon then reached out to the company. The company said just to return It directly, if it's not working. Cause like, these are all of our details and then Mrs. Scoobers returned it. So ultimately nostalgia aside, 15 years ago, it worked on the eight inch steps and now it's not.

[00:33:28] Trey Gerrald: And somehow. Mrs. Scoobers is counting coils less than so, you know, also I loved playing with Slinkies cause I would like smoosh it like an accordion in my hand and wiggle like a sound wave. Like there was enjoyment for the Slinky for me, other than going down steps, you

[00:33:47] Chelsey Donn: I don't know like Mrs. Scoobers strategy, but I wonder if you kind of got it going. I wondered about the below comment

[00:33:56] Trey Gerrald: ...blow?!

[00:33:57] Chelsey Donn: Below is what you need.

[00:33:58] Trey Gerrald: Oh below. I thought you said blow, but Mrs. Scoobers is, you know, they're saying it has to be seven to five eighths to eight inches. And Mrs. Cooper says there's this eight and a half, but it worked 15 years ago. So it seems like Mrs. Scoobers is saying your two point steps are not accurate, so you're lying.

[00:34:16] Trey Gerrald: So.

[00:34:16] Chelsey Donn: I mean yes, but regardless of whether or not it worked before, and I understand that kind of disappointment about the product working before or not working now, am I hearing it incorrectly? She is outside of the range of what Alex is presenting. it's like if it did work before, it's almost like it was a fluke.

[00:34:33] Chelsey Donn: If the product isn't designed to work for that kind of step. So it's like, yeah, maybe. This product worked for your steps because it was a little bit longer. And like, that was enough to sort of put it the edge, which I understand is the entire point. But, and again, I don't know if this is written anywhere on the box about this measurement, but according to what Alex Toys is saying, they didn't know the measurement of Mrs. Scoobers' steps and they gave a range that was, you know, outside of it.

[00:35:03] Trey Gerrald: It's interesting to me because I do wonder because they have the dimensions, like, is this like a common issue for Slinky?

[00:35:11] Chelsey Donn: It must be because like we were saying, other people are buying this product because they're nostalgic about it. And there is that moment. When you think about the Slinky, that of course you think about it going down the stairs, even if we use it as an accordion, you do think that, so

[00:35:25] Trey Gerrald: Like that's like the, that's the image on the box.

[00:35:27] Chelsey Donn: exactly. So like I get it.

[00:35:30] Trey Gerrald: I would venture to say that this is the most valuable Review! I've ever read.

[00:35:34] Chelsey Donn: Wow, trey. That is quite a statement

[00:35:38] Trey Gerrald: Well, Mrs. Scoobers like goes into like outrageous research paper detail.

[00:35:42] Chelsey Donn: she does, but do we think it's like a bit much

[00:35:46] Trey Gerrald: Well that I am curious about the Karen-dar here, because it does occur as truthful to me. Like I do believe Mrs. Scooper is based on the amount of effort and due diligence here. spelling and grammar is totally fine. I don't think there's a single issue. Beautifully punctuated and formatted. I don't think it's humorous, but, in the experience here it's like, well, I don't know, have the dimensions of steps changed?

[00:36:13] Trey Gerrald: Like why are Mrs. Scooper steps eight and a half? But this product is made for seven to five, eight to eight. Like, like now I'm

[00:36:21] Chelsey Donn: well, D and she also said that her steps were carpet. Did she say that or

[00:36:25] Trey Gerrald: No, but they say it won't work on steps, but I had carpeted

[00:36:29] Chelsey Donn: I was going to say I had carpeted steps and I did it. And you know what, to be honest, I don't think it really worked all the way down the steps, the whole ways, but I didn't mind kind of like pushing her along.

[00:36:40] Chelsey Donn: All right.

[00:36:40] Trey Gerrald: That's why I'm codependent today. It's because of the Slinky.

[00:36:44] Chelsey Donn: Right. You just need someone to push you along. All right. Did we consider everything? I feel like I might be ready to crown,

[00:36:51] Trey Gerrald: I think so too.

[00:36:52] Chelsey Donn: Mrs. Goober.

[00:36:54] Trey Gerrald: ...scoobers,

[00:36:55] Chelsey Donn: scoober Jesus. What is wrong with me, Mrs. Scoober. I'm so sorry, Mrs. Gilbert. Don't send me to the principal office. I know your name.

[00:37:03] Trey Gerrald: You're not going to get a hall pass to go to recess. All right. Let's rate and review this. Let's do

[00:37:09] Chelsey Donn: Okay.

[00:37:10] VOICEOVER: The Queens are Tabulating.

[00:37:16] VOICEOVER: Total Score.

[00:37:18] Chelsey Donn: Oh, interesting. I was not expecting that. So Trey is holding up three and a half crowns and I'm holding up four crowns. Based on what you said about this being the most informative Review! you've ever read. I was starting to think maybe you were going to make Mrs. Scoobers a Review Queen. I'm shocked.

[00:37:35] Chelsey Donn: Trey. I did four crowns because. Really, and this happens a lot. You, you kind of convinced me because of the, all of the information that is involved here. And at the end of the day, when we're assessing these reviews, it was very readable. I learned a lot. There was a lot of information there. Again, similar to Niagara falls.

[00:37:55] Chelsey Donn: My expectations are clear. I think that they did a good job. And for that reason, I wanted to award Mrs. Scoobers accordingly and give her four crowns. Why did you end up going with three and a half?

[00:38:10] Trey Gerrald: No, I hear you. And I know I kind of pulled the rug there, but I think that there, this is full of the most value because of the due diligence and all of that. But I gave it middle of the road because ultimately I think we're overthinking a Slinky. It's a toy! Like, and like, who cares? Like kids aren't going to want the Slinky anyway.

[00:38:30] Trey Gerrald: So ultimately I don't think it's going to have that much of an impact, except now I'm sort of aware of like stair dimensions in a way that I've never considered or thought about before. So that's why I gave at three and a half, because I feel like it's a Slinky, like and Slinkies are like less than $5 or whatever the price is.

[00:38:47] Trey Gerrald: I don't know. But it's like, we're not building a battleship for war. It's like, this is a little toy to like entertain. It's not that deep. So I said three and a half.

[00:38:56] Chelsey Donn: I hear you. I think that I would be because there were so many people that liked it as

[00:39:02] Trey Gerrald: Yeah.

[00:39:03] Chelsey Donn: Right. It makes me think that Mrs. Scoobers is not the only one that is as passionate, right?

[00:39:11] Trey Gerrald: It makes sense. It does make sense. And I appreciate the Review!, but I think I'm going to forget it in a couple of days.

[00:39:16] Chelsey Donn: Fair enough. All right. Mrs. Scoobers. Thanks for taking us to class. We

[00:39:20] Trey Gerrald: Thank you.

[00:39:21] My Royal Highness

[00:39:21] Trey Gerrald: All right. My queen, We have reached the most Regal portion of our show Chelsey. Who are you inducting today for?

[00:39:29] VOICEOVER: My Royal Highness!

[00:39:30] Chelsey Donn: Thank you for asking Trey. So today I want to induct GPS. Okay. Now any of my friends who are listening to the show will know that I have admittedly not the best sense of direction. And that is like the understatement of the century. And my life really changed with GPS. I don't understand. Anybody lived a life where they had to use a map while they were driving.

[00:39:57] Chelsey Donn: If you have a copilot, it's one thing. But if you're driving by yourself, how can you be expected to do that? Or remember when we used to print.

[00:40:04] Trey Gerrald: MapQuest.

[00:40:06] Chelsey Donn: it before you would get into your car or, you know, even when I was going to high school, I didn't have GPS in my car. So like had to memorize the route.

[00:40:16] Chelsey Donn: And if I would divert in any way from that route that I had memorized, I was in serious trouble. Like it was really, really bad. I've ended up in some insane situations because I took a wrong turn somewhere in Philadelphia. So like, I don't know what I personally would do without GPS. I'm a Google maps girl, but I want to give this Royal Highness to all the GPS systems out there because wow.

[00:40:43] Chelsey Donn: And I also think there's a safety protection thing there. Like I'm sure it's, you know, gotten people out of maybe a dangerous situation or like, If there's a dangerous road situation, you just turn around. It recalculates. You know, I think it's probably responsible for saving some lives as well. So for that reason, happy to induct GPS as My Royal Highness

[00:41:06] Trey Gerrald: Definitely. I definitely have some stories about GPS for our After show episode,

[00:41:10] Chelsey Donn: and we, I can't wait.

[00:41:11] Trey Gerrald: but yes, I agree. My dad was a traveling salesman for the majority of my life he. Always had one of those giant map books. That's sat in the pocket behind the driver's seat with a pencil, like permanently inside of it. And he would map out with a pencil, like which exits and stuff.

[00:41:29] Trey Gerrald: Like I still that's like balancing a checkbook, math to me. I have No, idea how that works, but definitely wonderful. Thank you GPS, wow.

[00:41:39] Chelsey Donn: What would I do? Certainly. What would we do without you? I don't even

[00:41:43] Trey Gerrald: It's kind of like phone numbers. Like I don't even have the ability to remember a phone number anymore because my phone does it

[00:41:49] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. That's crazy.

[00:41:53] Royal Reviews

[00:41:53] VOICEOVER: Baby, it's time for some Royal Reviews! YES!

[00:41:58] Trey Gerrald: Clearly, any Review! that we receive is a Royal Review!. But today we're going to read a five star Royal Review! from JoSaWright on Apple Podcasts. JoSaWright writes, fun and smart dash, check it out. This is a great podcast for people who love fun internet fines, positive comedy, cheeky jokes, wackadoos opinions, and great chemistry between a pair of hilarious hosts. Chelsey and Trey work hard to find unique online reviews and they dissect them with surprising thoughtfulness, given how funny they managed to be at the same time. Definitely worth checking out. oh, my God.

[00:42:42] Chelsey Donn: wow.

[00:42:44] Trey Gerrald: I'm not crying. Are you crying? I'm crying. not crying. crying?

[00:42:47] Chelsey Donn: JoSaWright. Thank you for writing that. Sweet Review! and, and thank you for, for, um, finding the poignancy heart and humor of our show. Wow.

[00:42:59] Trey Gerrald: And a little, um, peek behind the curtain. I do know who JoSaWright is and they are a writer on the wildly successful podcast, Even The Rich. So if you listened to Even The Rich, check it out, it's an amazing podcast and I'm kvelling even harder. Thank you, for

[00:43:19] Chelsey Donn: Thank you, JoSa. And I'm going to check out Even The Rich, because I haven't listened

[00:43:24] Trey Gerrald: Oh, yeah.

[00:43:25] Chelsey Donn: every review for our show helps new listeners find us and we so greatly appreciate it. If you want a chance to be featured and have your Review! read on the show, make sure you rate and review us on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcast.

[00:43:41] Chelsey Donn: Thank you, Josa.

[00:43:43] Trey Gerrald: Yes, definitely rate and review us! Subscribe. It helps us beyond description. I don't know why, but it really does help the algorithm. So if you love us, please write us a review. Okay, queen. Here we are. We're at the end. We've done it. That's another round on the RU A RQ Ferris wheel Slinky Niagara. Oh my God. Imagine a Slinky going down. Niagara falls.

[00:44:03] Chelsey Donn: I don't think it would make it. I think it would be. Thank you for joining us today. If you like what you heard, please like Trey said, tell a friend. Review! it. Rate it. Do all the.

[00:44:15] Trey Gerrald: If you didn't like what you heard, tell an enemy. Join our mailing list to stay up-to-date with the goings on, in the queendom at ReviewThatReview.Com or with the link and the description below.

[00:44:25] Chelsey Donn: Or hit up our voicemail box 1-850-REVIEW-0. You can also slide into our DMS. You can follow us on all the socials at @theReviewQueens. I'm at @ChelseyBD.

[00:44:37] Trey Gerrald: And I am at @TreyGerrald!

[00:44:39] On Today's After Show Pod

[00:44:39] Trey Gerrald: On today's after show pod. We are rating and reviewing a review from a website called show-score.com for the Broadway musical Moulin Rouge. So it's going to.

[00:44:53] Chelsey Donn: say

[00:44:54] Trey Gerrald: And, uh, this reviewer's name is Southern Biscuit and they, the picture is like a photo of like a biscuit mix. So that's just like weird, but they have given Moulin Rouge 10 out of 100.

[00:45:07] Trey Gerrald: So you're going to want to hear this cheeky Review!

[00:45:10] Trey Gerrald: and to find out what made Chelsey say:

[00:45:12] Chelsey Donn: do I feel like a paper bag, floating through the wind, wanting to start again... maybe!

[00:45:20] Chelsey Donn: And find out what made Trey say:

[00:45:23] Trey Gerrald: but I remember like having to call my friend, like, as they're putting on a cat face to be like, we're kind of lost. And they're like, I don't know, like I'm on a tour, you know?

[00:45:30] Chelsey Donn: Then join our Patreon Page at www.Patreon.com/ReviewThatReview in order to hear our special members only after show podcast,

[00:45:40] Trey Gerrald: Oh, everyone make sure you remember

[00:45:43] Chelsey Donn: ignore the haters. You're a queen

[00:45:46] Trey Gerrald: Gender. Non-specific queen.

[00:45:48] Chelsey Donn: of course, bye.

[00:45:50] Trey Gerrald: Tootle-loodle-loodle-looooo.



Review That Review is an independent podcast. Certain names have been redacted or changed to protect the guilty. Executive produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound designed by me with voiceover talents by Eva Kaminsky. Our cover art was designed by LogoVora and our theme song was written by Joe Kinosian and sung by Natalie Weiss.

[00:46:10] Chelsey Donn: Mrs. Scoobers I need to sharpen my number two pencil please.

[00:46:15] Trey Gerrald: OH, look a casino.

 

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