Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald
Episode 43: "Anal Bleach / Keto Brownie Mix"
*Please Pardon any spelling errors!
THEME SONG: [00:00:00] Everybody's got an opinion.
Every Californian and Virginian.
It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.
Someone's gotta settle the score.
Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!
Whose views win, which ones lose.
Online haters are comin' for you!
Baby, it's time to Review That Review!
[00:00:30] Chelsey Donn: Hello!
[00:00:31] Trey Gerrald: Well, hello and hello listeners. Welcome to Review That Review! The podcast dedicated to reviewing...
[00:00:39] Chelsey Donn: Reviews! We're just like Siskel and Ebert, only instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we rate and review those hilarious scathing and sometimes suspicious online reviews.
[00:00:50] Trey Gerrald: That voice is Chelsey Donn
[00:00:52] Chelsey Donn: and that voice is Trey Gerrald.
[00:00:55] Trey Gerrald: And when we come together, we are
[00:00:57] VOICEOVER: the Review Queens.
[00:01:04] Trey Gerrald: So to support the show while getting bonus and exclusive content, including something you're going to hear a lot about today, our very special members only after-show podcast. Visit our patreon Page at patreon.com/ReviewThatReview!
[00:01:18] Trey Gerrald: Chelsey. It has been a very exciting week, huh?
[00:01:22] Chelsey Donn: Beyond we are right now at the podcast movement, evolutions convention.
[00:01:27] Chelsey Donn: It we're Baby, convention goers. This is our first time!
[00:01:31] Trey Gerrald: It's been so much fun.
[00:01:32] Chelsey Donn: It has been, it's really been fun. I've only been to dental conventions before. So I used to just go around and collect toothbrushes. And now I went around and collected business cards.
[00:01:41] Trey Gerrald: A lot of QR codes,
[00:01:42] Chelsey Donn: a lot of QR codes. Geez. What would we do without.
[00:01:46] Trey Gerrald: Yes, we are here. We are together in the same room, which you'll see if you're watching us on our Patreon. Uh, we are in a hotel room, very chic, the JW Marriott.
[00:01:57] Chelsey Donn: Oh my God. So chic, but maybe not all people think that we might hear a little bit more about that in the after-show to sayin...
[00:02:02] Trey Gerrald: dun dun dun, and we are sharing one singular mic. Hopefully if you're just listening, you're not. Even notice, but if you're watching us, it's going to be very funny. Cause we're passing the mic back and forth.
[00:02:15] Lodge A Complaint!
[00:02:15] Trey Gerrald: Chelsey, do you think that it's time to maybe
[00:02:18] VOICEOVER: Lodge A Complaint?
[00:02:19] Chelsey Donn: Yes, I do. I'm so glad that we're able to do this because you know, We've been here at the convention and I've been holding onto this complaint for a little while. And I'm just going to go ahead and say it. I went off, I did it. I went off on customer service at Apple. I ordered a dongle. Do you know what a dongle is?
[00:02:36] Trey Gerrald: Dongle?
[00:02:39] Chelsey Donn: Yeah, a dongle, a dongle. I don't know if it's really called. I mean, it is called this a dongle is something you put into like a USBC to turn it into USB compatible. So it's that little plug extender thing that makes everything compatible. Anyway, Trey is looking at me like the word dongle.
[00:02:58] Trey Gerrald: I wonder who decided to name it dongle. That's the worst sounding name?
[00:03:03] Chelsey Donn: It's not the best name, but once you learn it, you just can't stop saying it. So I ordered this dongle from apple and I paid extra to have it overnighted. Okay. And then I got a message. It's not going to arrive overnight, which already is a little bit upsetting, admittedly. So, and then I went away, for the weekend and I saw that it had arrived.
[00:03:24] Chelsey Donn: And then I got home and I saw that there was a box and it said, Like Jordan, McGarrigle okay. With a totally different address. And I thought, as far as I know my name's not Jordan she's from , but it did say it was from apple. So I opened it to find that there was a magic mouse inside. Okay. Not the dongle.
[00:03:47] Chelsey Donn: So I call as an upstanding citizen to let them know. Well, I got Jordan's package, not mine. Report the issue still waiting on the dongle. Can I just tell you apple harassed me for multiple days to send them back, Jordan's mouse. They wanted me to give them serial information, all kinds of information.
[00:04:06] Chelsey Donn: And I went off on these people cause I was like, do not make me do your job. You made a mistake, you deliver me the wrong product. I still don't have my product. And now you want me to do all this extra work pass. They sent me like five dongles in the mail. I don't know whose fault it is, but I'm keeping it.
[00:04:22] Trey Gerrald: Wait, like five separate packages of them.
[00:04:24] Chelsey Donn: Yeah, because they called and talked to me so many times that I think they just kept putting it back in, but that's not my fault. I'm lodging a complaint, get your shit together, apple. Sorry.
[00:04:33] Trey Gerrald: I can see how those magic keyboards and the magic mouse, like those are a very high price point product for apple.
[00:04:41] Trey Gerrald: Except now I'm thinking about how expensive iPhones are. So they're not even that expensive, but it is absurd to make that error and then make you jump through several hoops to prove serial numbers, et cetera. Like, why would you be like, Hey, I saved Jordan Shamong goals. Like, like you're not going to make that name up.
[00:04:58] Trey Gerrald: Well, you know what I mean? I completely understand it is, it is making me think of a future episode that we have pre-recorded about companies delivery procedures. So make sure you stay tuned for that. And you know, this is just more verification that us as Review! Queens also experience these pans. So I feel, you know, yeah.
[00:05:22] Chelsey Donn: All right. I feel better. I got that off my chest. I've been waiting to do that for a long time. And now I want to give you trey that same opportunity. So let us know Lodge A Complaint. What's going on?
[00:05:32] Trey Gerrald: I thought you were going to say, I want to hand you the mic literally and figuratively. I really hope that you guys are watching this video because it is very, it's a very different sensation, passing a mic back and forth.
[00:05:43] Trey Gerrald: Okay. I'm going to Lodge A Complaint about something that occurred to me while I was with you. It really may becomes from my concerns from being a transplant from the south. But it's very trendy now for restaurants to serve sweetened ice tea, which I'm all about. Also, when you go and get an iced coffee, people don't account for when you pour anything, that's warm into a cup of ice, some of that ice is going to melt!
[00:06:10] Chelsey Donn: The majority, I would imagine.
[00:06:11] Trey Gerrald: So I don't, I don't understand, not accounting for the. Evaporation of some of that solid water turning to liquid water! It's I'm logic of complaint when you don't account for enough ice so that when you pour the liquid into the cup of ice, that it's still some ice making that drink ice tea or ice coffee.
[00:06:35] Trey Gerrald: It makes me so mad. I ordered a drink with ice and you haven't put enough ice in to remain in that metaphysical state of ice because the liquid was too warm. That it melted the majority of it. I don't want to drink a lukewarm iced coffee. I like my coffee hot. I like my coffee cold. I don't like my coffee somewhere in the middle.
[00:06:56] Trey Gerrald: So I'm lodging a complaint against anyone that has to scoop ice into a cop to prepare an iced beverage. Please be aware and have a little, um, eye contact with the beverage, just to see how much of the ice dissipated be respectful of what this product is titled and make sure that that's the product you're handing over.
[00:07:15] Chelsey Donn: I mean, I just think in general, the liquid has got to be colder. I mean, if the liquid were colder, then we wouldn't be melting so much. All right. So I'm glad we got those things off our chest. I feel a little bit better as always guys, please call in: 1-850-REVIEW-0. Lodge your complaints. We want to hear them.
[00:07:33] Trey Gerrald: So this week, since it has been a very special week, Chelsey and I are in the same room or in the same city, we're sharing one singular microphone. We decided that we would do something a little bit different!
[00:07:43] Chelsey Donn: That's right.
[00:07:44] Chelsey Donn: We always got to keep you on your toes. So as you know, we are your trusty Review Queens. Each week, we bring in a review from the internet that we feel needs to be inspected.
[00:07:54] Trey Gerrald: We read you the Review! break it down and rate the impact of the review on a scale from zero to five crowns. Now this part isn't seeming very different because it is a very Regal process that we coined, which we call.
[00:08:09] VOICEOVER: Assess
[00:08:09] VOICEOVER: That Kvetch,
[00:08:11] Chelsey Donn: but we also rate and review additional reviews each week on our special members only after show podcast.
[00:08:20] Trey Gerrald: That's right. We do. So. So we thought for this week's episode, it'd be really fun if we each picked one of our most absolute favorite reviews that we brought in for our after show. Which is our members only Patreon.
[00:08:36] Chelsey Donn: There is some serious gold in there. So if you're not already a part of the Patreon, you probably want to go ahead and check it, but we wanted to bring out our favorites for you today. And Trey, you are first. What after show episode have you picked to share today?
[00:08:50] Trey Gerrald: Okiedoke, So...It was really challenging for me to pick just one. At the time of recording, we have 22 after show episodes, so we have a pretty large library already. So I narrowed it down to three, but today I'm going to share a review that I selected for our after show episode fifteen.
[00:09:12] Chelsey Donn: Alright, let's play it. Can't wait to hear
[00:09:16] Anal Bleach Review
[00:09:16] Chelsey Donn: it!
[00:09:17] VOICEOVER: Review That
[00:09:19] VOICEOVER: Review!
[00:09:20] Trey Gerrald: Well, I got on a kick about bleach as you'll notice. In the main episode, my zinger was about Clorox bleach. Then my Review! was about hair bleach. So then I thought, okay, what's another kind of bleach? Anal bleach!
[00:09:34] Chelsey Donn: Oh my goodness.
[00:09:35] Trey Gerrald: So I found this Review from amazon.com. It's a one-star review written by James R. This is for XR brand's anal bleach with vitamin C and Aleo. White. Six fluid ounces pack of One, a D 4 1 9.
[00:09:59] Chelsey Donn: I think that's a super calla
[00:10:02] VOICEOVER: supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
[00:10:07] Trey Gerrald: James R'S, one star review's subject is had an allergic reaction.
[00:10:15] Chelsey Donn: Oh no. Okay. I'm bracing myself for cherries of fire.
[00:10:22] Trey Gerrald: It may remind you of cherries. Here we go. Yeah. This was written December 15th, 2018. So just keep in mind. This was 10 days before Christmas. This was occurring to James R's body
[00:10:34] Chelsey Donn: Oh, shoot. Okay.
[00:10:36] Trey Gerrald: This turned my hole cherry red.
[00:10:43] Trey Gerrald: I rinsed it off. As soon as I realized something had gone very wrong. After the redness subsided my starfish and...
[00:10:58] Trey Gerrald: My starfish and the surrounding area was peach colored. Like my anus was wearing lipstick. Not going to use it again!
[00:11:15] Trey Gerrald: and 137 people found this helpful. So this is like a little inappropriate and sort of distasteful, but I just thought...
[00:11:24] Chelsey Donn: after show, like Patreon can handle it. First of all, it's late night!
[00:11:29] Trey Gerrald: For sure. But just the idea of connecting the thought, oh, it looks like my anus is wearing lipstick too good not to share!
[00:11:36] Chelsey Donn: Now, am I a prude or is starfish a recognizable term? What, what?
[00:11:45] Trey Gerrald: I don't know that I've heard of starfish, but it is funny.
[00:11:48] Chelsey Donn: The cherries I assume we're referring to the same cherries as before and ...
[00:11:54] Trey Gerrald: no, no, no. They're using cherries as an indicator of the color of red. They're saying this turns my hole cherry red.
[00:12:02] Chelsey Donn: Um, different. Okay. Okay. Okay. So it was like how far down did they go? Okay. And then what's the starfish, the like the, like this thing, part of it. The, what is it called? The sphincter?
[00:12:16] Trey Gerrald: I think, I think it's the sphincter. If you're being like doctors here. Okay. That's I think hole and starfish are the same thing.
[00:12:24] Chelsey Donn: The hole, and then it's like the surrounding area of the hole, I would imagine.
[00:12:27] Trey Gerrald: The cat's butt.
[00:12:28] Trey Gerrald: It's like a cat's butt. Yeah.
[00:12:29] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. That's the cat's butt part. Yes. Ouch. Ouch. And this is right before Christmas.
[00:12:37] Trey Gerrald: Yeah. How do you sit? If you have an allergic reaction on your butthole,
[00:12:41] Chelsey Donn: you get at least two of those donut pillows.
[00:12:46] Trey Gerrald: That's right. That's right. Two of them.
[00:12:48] Chelsey Donn: Anyway, let's talk about James R
[00:12:51] Trey Gerrald: I mean, what do you think about this? Like having an allergic reaction is questionable. It's just to me, because I don't know if that's someone's specific body makeup, chemical, you know what I'm wondering, actually, the chemicals of the product's fault.
[00:13:06] Chelsey Donn: Right? What I'm wondering is, and I don't think that they mentioned it in the Review! is this James R's first bleaching of the anal experience in totality?
[00:13:17] Trey Gerrald: There's no indication, but that would be very helpful,
[00:13:21] Chelsey Donn: right? Because maybe James R., doesn't know how to bleach their asshole. Now this is no shade to James R because I don't know, bleach Maya. Either I've never done it. So I can't say that I have some sort of ass bleaching expertise up my sleeve, you know? So no, no shame.
[00:13:41] Trey Gerrald: But, would this keep you from buying the product?
[00:13:45] Chelsey Donn: You know, again, like, Ugh, I hate when we get these reviews because I, I really am trying to take away my own personal bias here because there's no way on God's green earth that I would bleach my asshole. That is not, I'm not bleaching my ass. So, like, it's very hard for me to wrap my head around this because I can't even imagine engaging in this product.
[00:14:11] Chelsey Donn: And then that way it's sort of reminding me, of course, to the, the Nair Review!, because it's like you knock on Satan's door. You're bound to get burned every once in a while. Like,
[00:14:26] Trey Gerrald: cause it is a very sensitive,
[00:14:28] Chelsey Donn: that's why this is precisely why I wouldn't do it. And if I was reading this review of it would be a cautionary tale that would just further push me away from buying the product.
[00:14:40] Trey Gerrald: So something that I did think that was interesting as I was going on this journey of reading. This is that a lot of people's reviews actually mentioned skin lightning, soap, and lotion, and a lot of people attached images to their reviews for this product. That's specifically labeled as anal bleach. They posted pictures of their armpits and like their elbows on the inside of their elbows. And so there were pictures of users that use this anal bleach for that reason.
[00:15:16] Chelsey Donn: Oh, I see what you're saying. There are people that are using this product for things besides just the anal area.
[00:15:22] Trey Gerrald: According to the Review! images that are there, but this product is specifically labeled as anal bleach.
[00:15:28] Trey Gerrald: So, I mean, if I was wanting to bleach or lighten up the, the color of the skin on my anus, I don't know if this Review! would have much of an impact on me. Other than like, maybe there's something in this formula that is like damaging, but I don't know if I'll have the same allergic reaction. So that's how I'm sort of unsure if this is common or a fluke.
[00:15:53] Chelsey Donn: Right. And I think that sort of brings us back to the original point full circle of. Is James R an expert, this, because if James R had said, I've done this a million times with different bleaches, I've never had a problem before. And now this was my experience here. I might be like, oh shit, stay away from this product. But based on the Review!, I don't know, maybe this was a first time situation and we just used like, even regular bleach for clothes. You have to water it down. So like maybe there was a misuse.
[00:16:23] Trey Gerrald: Do you think that James is being truthful?
[00:16:27] Chelsey Donn: I don't know why I find that to be a hard question to answer with these type of like funny bum penis type reviews, like the scrotum One,, you know what I mean? It's like, is this a real Review! or is this something that like, now that we know this is a thing that people read around the campfire, is this like your entry?
[00:16:49] Trey Gerrald: I know it's hard to tell if it's a joke Review! or if it's real.
[00:16:53] Chelsey Donn: It is hard to tell. So, so are they truthful? I don't know.
[00:16:58] Trey Gerrald: I just, for some reason I believe this a little bit more. Like if I was on a scale of one to 100, like 100 being fake, something like for some reason I feel like I'm a little like right in the middle. Like I do think this could truly be either way, like maybe they're making light of it by making the lipstick joke. But
[00:17:17] Chelsey Donn: no, that being said, do we find it funny?
[00:17:21] Trey Gerrald: I think it's funny. Do you think it's funny?
[00:17:23] Chelsey Donn: I think it's funny. I think we got to give it marks for like at least taken a swing at the humor. You know.
[00:17:30] Trey Gerrald: I think this is funnier than the Joe Exotic Review!
[00:17:33] Chelsey Donn: oh, for sure. For sure. I think this,
[00:17:35] Trey Gerrald: I don't, I don't just hike James. Like I disliked Lisa and see.
[00:17:41] Chelsey Donn: No. I mean, I, oh my God, no. I mean, that's a hard, that's a hard one, but like I did for what it's worth, obviously empathize with the James R of the world. Because even if this is a fake Review!, you know, that there are people that have had this experience with this product. So, Ooh. You know, I felt the fire for James R
[00:18:06] Trey Gerrald: do you think you can crown this?
[00:18:08] Chelsey Donn: I think I can crown it. Can you?
[00:18:10] Trey Gerrald: Yeah, I think so. All right, let's do it. Okay.
[00:18:12] VOICEOVER: The Queens are Tabulating
[00:18:18] VOICEOVER: Total Score!.
[00:18:19] Chelsey Donn: Okay. I don't think I'm really harsh today. I'm holding up two and a half crowns. Trey is holding up four crowns. I'm holding up two and a half crowns. That's like my true middle of the road. Like I gave points for humor, but I don't think they added anything to the narrative per se. I feel bad if they, in fact did get hurt. I'm not really a hundred percent sure. I don't think I'd be able to stop at this Review! I would have to keep going, keep reading more and seeing if other people were having a reaction. I wouldn't be able to decide whether or not to buy this based on James Rs. Review!. So therefore two and a half crowns.
[00:18:56] Chelsey Donn: Why four crowns? The humor?
[00:18:59] Trey Gerrald: I said four because ultimately. Even if it is a joke, Review! it starts my brain going down a spiral of considering how sensitive this area is. And if maybe the chemical components in this product are going to maybe be too strong, but I took the one off because like you said, I wish there was a little more context about the level of expertise James has or doesn't have also, I wanted more detail where they say I rent it off. As soon as I realized something had gone very wrong. I want to know how long that was. Like, was that a minute in? Or was that like twenty-five minutes on like James, James R. Too long. Right? So, but ultimately I think it is having a lasting impact on me that like, oh God, this is could be very bad.
[00:19:45] Chelsey Donn: Could be very bad. Yeah! Oh, good review trey! That Was fun.
[00:19:53] Chelsey Donn: I have some thoughts. I have some new thoughts about this review. It's funny after listening to it again, I feel like I was a little bit harsh on James R I think if I had to re-crown James R today, I would bump that up to a three or three and a half. And here's why I think that it's possible that somebody might be new to anal bleaching and thinking about going on Amazon to look at products and if they were new James. His Review! might sway them. So for that reason, looking at it again, I'm going to go ahead and change my crown to three and a half for James R.
[00:20:32] Trey Gerrald: That's really interesting. Cause I was going to ask like, is just, is anything landing differently for you today? And as it was going on, I was like, oh, I think I'm going to like crown this higher than I ended up doing, but I did four and I, I would maybe do four and a half, but I don't think I would ever go to five just because it is territory that could be ripe for wanting to be a comedian to go viral, et cetera. Like the anus wearing lipstick is really funny, but I think even, I think I might actually just stay at four, but it would make me investigate. Okay. Maybe don't. A large amount on maybe like, be very aware of how long it's actually on, but I don't think it's like, this killed me and I'm dead now. I'm writing from the afterlife.
[00:21:18] Trey Gerrald: Like it is just like, you just hurt. And then like life moves on, you know, but. All right. Well, that was fun. I hope that all of you appreciate it. Obviously about subject matter is a little more blue than we tend to get on the main show, but that's one of the perks of being a member of our after show. So let's take a quick little break. And when we come back, we can hear what Chelsey has picked as one of her most favorite reviews from our after show podcast!
[00:21:44] Chelsey Donn: It is Explosive. And that's all I'll say right now. All right, let's go into the break.
[00:21:49] VOICEOVER: Hold Your crown we'll be right back.
[00:22:06] Meryl Go Roubd 22:06:500[00:22:06] Ad Break 22:05
[00:22:06] Trey Gerrald: All right. It is game and time Chelsey. It's time for you and Trey to strap on in, on the Meryl Streep go roundy round '
[00:22:31] VOICEOVER: I don't feel like an icon.. Most of the days, I feel like 'I can't!' That's with an,A."
[00:22:40] Chelsey Donn: All right. Here's the deal. Chelsey and Trey have each picked a rotten scathing piffy One-Star-Zinger. And with 30 seconds on the clock, they'll take turns, trying to recite the zinger in as many genres as possible.
[00:22:54] Trey Gerrald: Just like queen Meryl, who does it all!
[00:22:56] Chelsey Donn: Before the clock runs out. We're very country today. Okay. So this review is written by Jeremy H. It is for a tortilla burrito blanket. You know how I love my gag gifts.
[00:23:11] Chelsey Donn: So this is a one-star review, obviously the subject. Hope you like pizza followed by a photo of a pizza blanket. The Review! is this tortilla kind of looks like pizza to me. So Jeremy H got the wrong blanket.
[00:23:29] Trey Gerrald: Yeah. That was a totally the wrong product. Do you think that Jeremy knows that or is Jeremy trying to be funny?
[00:23:33] Chelsey Donn: I think jeremy knows that and is trying to be funny.
[00:23:37] Trey Gerrald: All right, I'm going to strap you into a pony. And I don't know why other than I just thought of a pony and I think it's time for you to Mount and ride a pony up and down a hill. All right, here we go.
[00:23:47] VOICEOVER: 3,2,1,GO
[00:23:51] VOICEOVER: Romcom
[00:23:53] VOICEOVER: tortilla panel looks like pizza to me.
[00:23:56] VOICEOVER: Disney,
[00:24:00] VOICEOVER: WWE tortilla. Courtroom drama. It's
[00:24:05] VOICEOVER: tortilla kind of looks like pizza
[00:24:06] VOICEOVER: to me. True crime doc
[00:24:09] VOICEOVER: let's tortilla. Carol looks like pizza.
[00:24:11] VOICEOVER: May adult film.
[00:24:22] VOICEOVER: That's all
[00:24:23] Chelsey Donn: seven. All right, I'll take it. I'll take. We love seven. I love seven. I can never turn a seven out of bed. You know what I mean?
[00:24:37] Trey Gerrald: Okay. All right. Today, my One-Star-Zinger is from apple podcasts and this is for the armchair expert with Dax Shepard podcast. And this is written by Janna. Oh. And their subject is cannibalism. And their review is I started to listen, got kind of bored.
[00:24:59] Chelsey Donn: I don't, what does this have to do with cannibalism?
[00:25:01] Trey Gerrald: I...
[00:25:03] Trey Gerrald: ...maybe the episode talks about cannibalism?
[00:25:05] Chelsey Donn: Interesting. Okay. Janna. Oh, I'm going to strap you into Hannibal Lecter,
[00:25:14] Trey Gerrald: fava beans.
[00:25:16] Chelsey Donn: Oh my God. I'm terrified. And I came up with the suggestion. All right. Trey. Are you ready?
[00:25:21] Trey Gerrald: I'm ready!
[00:25:22] VOICEOVER: 3,2,1,
[00:25:29] VOICEOVER: GO!
[00:25:29] VOICEOVER: Slap sec,
[00:25:30] VOICEOVER: Shakespeare. I stopped to, to listen and I got kind of bored soap opera. I started to listen, go cut
[00:25:38] VOICEOVER: mine.
[00:25:42] VOICEOVER: I started to listen. I got kind of bored lifetime
[00:25:50] VOICEOVER: televangelists
[00:25:51] VOICEOVER: started living. I got
[00:25:53] VOICEOVER: a little drama.
[00:25:55] VOICEOVER: That's all!
[00:25:57] Chelsey Donn: I think you might've won. Trey. Hold on. Let's see
[00:26:00] Trey Gerrald: God, the televangelists really hurt my throat.
[00:26:03] Chelsey Donn: Trey, you're the big water with eight! Congratulations. Oh my goodness. Queen, you did it!.
[00:26:10] Trey Gerrald: YAY!
[00:26:11] Keto Brown Mix Review
[00:26:11] VOICEOVER: Review That Review.
[00:26:17] Trey Gerrald: Okay. We're back from that game break. And Chelsey, it's your turn! My Chelsey goose, as I wrote in the script, Chelsey goose. What after show Review! have you selected to share with our listeners today as one of your faves?
[00:26:29] Chelsey Donn: Oh, my God, you guys. So this particular, after show, we delve into like personal territory for me. I don't know how much we're going to get into the personal, but I think we probably will, and I just had to share it. And anyone who's ever been the victim of a sugar-free product might be able to relate to this. And this is from the after-show of episode 19 strap into your toilets Queens, because it's going to be a long ride.
[00:26:54] Trey Gerrald: I definitely know where this is going. All right.
[00:26:57] Chelsey Donn: Should we get into this review of the Keto brownie mix?
[00:27:04] Trey Gerrald: Yes. How did you find this?
[00:27:06] Chelsey Donn: Okay. My mom's like always messaging me being like, can you get me this product? Can you give me that product? So now my Amazon algorithm thinks I'm keto. And so that's how this came about. So this review is specifically for the Lakanto sugar-free brownie mix. That's sweetened with monk fruit. Should I read the super Calla or do we get it? Okay. All right. it is for Lakanto sugar-free brownie mix sweetened with monk fruit sweetener, Keto diet friendly, delicious Dutch chocolate high in fiber. Three grams, net carbs. Gluten-free easy to make dessert pack of One,
[00:27:58] Chelsey Donn: Oh, god. Okay. So this Review! is a one-star review written by Konnie with a K the subject is hash tag. Oh no. Oh God. No, don't do it.
[00:28:16] Chelsey Donn: Okay. Here's the Review!
[00:28:19] Chelsey Donn: These taste like the lives sucked out of the souls of all of your enemies were rolled in dirt and served on a platter. Don't do it. It's all lies. Don't even make eye contact because that delicious looking brownie on the package will convince you that I am void of taste buds. And you might be right now that I've eaten one of the not brownies and scraped my tongue to get the taste out of my mouth. Not today, Satan.
[00:28:58] Trey Gerrald: Wow. Bianca Del Rio. I actually love this review because, well, first of all, I don't understand spelling Konnie with a K unless maybe you're like Russian and it's Constantine or something. I don't know. Oh,
[00:29:14] Chelsey Donn: oh. I never even thought of that, but I don't mind it because I don't think it's Konnie's fault that Konnie's parents named her condoms.
[00:29:23] Chelsey Donn: Hold that against
[00:29:23] Trey Gerrald: her good distinction. My parents named me Ernest and I don't choose exactly. So I, but I don't understand the hashtag OMG don't do it or whatever, but I really appreciate the humor of like the soul, self enemies and dirt. Like I'm imagining my enemies, souls wouldn't tastes good. And then it's also so like, that is great to hear, um, similarly, but I really appreciate it.
[00:29:50] Trey Gerrald: Don't make eye contact because the brownie on the front is not to make you think that I am wrong, which I, that is such a genius. That's a good point.
[00:30:01] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. Yeah. I'm so glad you brought that up because honestly, I mean, I don't know how to share my screen here, but like,
[00:30:08] Trey Gerrald: can I share my screen? If you click share, do you see share at the
[00:30:11] Chelsey Donn: bottom share?
[00:30:13] Chelsey Donn: Okay. Here, I'm sharing my screen. She is slow at the technology. What can I say? Adorable baggie. Packaging of this Lakanto brownie mix. It's a little sexy. Am I wrong?
[00:30:25] Trey Gerrald: I think the packaging is gorgeous, but I have noticed saying that the brownie is not the highlight. It's the overall aesthetic that is attractive to me. And these brownies kind of look dry that.
[00:30:38] Chelsey Donn: They look dry. They look good though. I mean, I, I would eat those brownies. They look like there was a shark tank invention where it was like every piece was a corner piece. Right. So these look like beautiful corner piece brownies. Like, yeah, I do want to just kind of grab that right off that cover and eat it. I'm not going to lie.
[00:31:00] Trey Gerrald: Have you ever had those? Um, I think they're called brownie crisps?
[00:31:04] Chelsey Donn: ...yeah.
[00:31:06] Chelsey Donn: They're okay. They're okay. That they're there. Just like for me, you know,
[00:31:11] Trey Gerrald: um, I do like them. I actually think I liked them more than brownies. I think I'm not a brownie person, so maybe I need to like, introduce that bias.
[00:31:18] Chelsey Donn: There's something. Yeah. There's something about the consistency of like a Google. Um, brownie
[00:31:22] Trey Gerrald: that's. I do think Konnie also mentioning that they had to scrape their tongue. Yes. Really drives home the point of how disgusting the taste was to Konnie, which like, in my point of view, it's sort of like, well, I don't know that I have the same taste buds as Konnie, so I don't know if this is going to be a common experience, but I do believe that Konnie was being truthful.
[00:31:45] Trey Gerrald: And then obviously my favorite queen from RuPaul's Drag Race is season six, winner Bianca Del Rio. I knew her before that because she was a very mean offensive insult comic in New York city. And I was terrified of her and did not want her to win. And when I heard that she was on the show, I was mad.
[00:32:01] Trey Gerrald: Meanwhile, she's six and she was without a doubt, the best thing that's ever happened to that show will ever be able to top Bianca Del Rio, in my opinion,
[00:32:12] Chelsey Donn: for you, by the way.
[00:32:14] Trey Gerrald: Well, I don't like confrontation and that's beyond good areas, entire stack. So I didn't want to be made fun of in front of a group of gay people at a bar, but she's still have to do anyway, back to Konnie.
[00:32:27] Trey Gerrald: Wow. 402 people found this helpful. That's a lot.
[00:32:31] Chelsey Donn: Yeah.
[00:32:31] Trey Gerrald: wait, here's the question. And I come up with this every week when I'm doing our Instagram. But when you do a hashtag, do you capitalize every word?
[00:32:40] Chelsey Donn: No!!
[00:32:42] Trey Gerrald: Cause I do it really bothers me when each word is like, I have to like look too long to figure. What it's saying, like, I would just take
[00:32:50] Trey Gerrald: forever. That would just take forever. No, I don't. I don't think anybody who does that, but yeah, so
[00:32:59] VOICEOVER: that's not true.
[00:33:01] Trey Gerrald: I mean that diversity of the
[00:33:02] Chelsey Donn: hashtag. To your point for the hashtag, oh God, no, don't do it the first time I was reading Konnie's Review! and looking at her subject, I did do that thing that I was like, oh God, not, not dope. Like I did have that moment where I felt like I was playing that jibberish game on Instagram, where you had to.
[00:33:24] Chelsey Donn: Find the phrase and the gibberish. So I agree that it's not like on first glance, it is hard to read Konnie's subject and they're going for humor here. Yeah. I, it
[00:33:37] Trey Gerrald: seems that way for sure. But I think it's effective. I think it is. Cause it feels truthful to me like that this was their real experience and they want to protect me.
[00:33:46] Trey Gerrald: They're not just like being carrot top.
[00:33:49] Chelsey Donn: Yeah, I cared. And also, like I was expecting something else. I don't know if it's because Lakanto is Monkfruit and so Monkfruit is supposed to be cleaner. Have you ever had an abundance of sugar-free product?
[00:34:05] Trey Gerrald: No.
[00:34:06] Chelsey Donn: You're so lucky don't ever do it. I thought when I read, oh God, no, don't do it. Like this was gonna all be about. Poop, sorry. But like I thought that that was going to be where we were going with this. Cause that's what tends to happen with these products is like, you know, their body is like very angry and like fire is happening, um, dragon fire. And so I thought that's what was going to happen. So I was pleasantly surprised that, uh, Konnie took this in a different direction, talking about. That moment when something looks good and you have an idea of what it is and your mouth is sort of watering and you're ready and you're excited to eat it. And then you take a bite of it and it tastes terrible.
[00:34:59] Chelsey Donn: That is like the feeling that Konnie is really getting across successfully.
[00:35:06] Trey Gerrald: I think so too. And it does feel like a jokey funny Review!, but I think, but it doesn't feel inappropriate. Like, I don't think they're trolling. Right. I think they're literally like. It couldn't even get to the poop stage because it tasted so horrible.
[00:35:19] Trey Gerrald: I had to scratch.
[00:35:20] Chelsey Donn: Right, right, right. Yeah. So I think it's pretty clear. I think I could crown Konnie, is there anything else we haven't been like, we haven't done our due diligence on, or did we, we kind of like cross over all the categories of trustworthiness
[00:35:34] Trey Gerrald: and I mean, we can see the spelling and stuff.
[00:35:36] Trey Gerrald: Yeah, that's fine.
[00:35:39] Chelsey Donn: The
[00:35:39] VOICEOVER: Queens are Tabulating
[00:35:46] Chelsey Donn: oh, four and a half crowns, four and a half crowns. Alright Trey. Why Four and a half crowns for Konnie with a K?
[00:35:52] Trey Gerrald: It's almost a Review Queen to me. Like I almost had five, but other than the fact that like, it's all in jest, like in the sphere of like, oh my God, this it's like, so funny how bad this says, like I just wanted like one little. Snippet of like, like jokes aside, don't waste your money, right? Like just one little, like one little
[00:36:15] Chelsey Donn: moment of self-awareness of just like zooming out and being like, I'm a human here's my Joe.
[00:36:22] Trey Gerrald: And ultimately like taste is subjective. So to me, I don't think it would be a deal breaker. You know, if it was on clerance, I would certainly buy it. You know? So for that reason I gave four and a half. Great job. Funny, sorry that your parents bought it with a K Chelsey. Why did you say four and a half?
[00:36:39] Chelsey Donn: Literally. Ditto, as we, say, I thought it was, yeah, mostly great. I could have had a little, like a smidge in there of just let me give you the Realty.
[00:36:49] Chelsey Donn: Here it is. You know what I mean?
[00:36:51] Trey Gerrald: Good job. That's a funny one. Wait, do you want to tell your poop story?
[00:36:54] Chelsey Donn: Guys we're so mature. Okay. Let's just tell the story. So I of course have been on 10. I mean, I guess I shouldn't say of course, but I feel like it's an of course have been on like 10 million diets in my lifetime. And I guess like around 2008, I was trying to do the whole no-carb thing before keto was cool, like hashtag above the trend, but anyway, My sister and I were doing it together. Cause we were living in the same apartment and I couldn't have sugar and I discovered sugar-free candy. And I was like F yeah, cause it had been like a year since I had had any real sugar and I just wanted an indulgence.
[00:37:30] Chelsey Donn: So I, was like, I'm hopping on board with this sugar-free candy moment. And I went to Duane Reed and I bought like the whole aisle, you know, like I got the receipt, I got like the chocolate bars. I Bobby T that I did three dozen. So like, I just, I just like cleaned them. Which will come into play later and full circle with my sister who was like fully on board and like, yeah, let's do it.
[00:38:00] Chelsey Donn: Why don't we get that one too? Like she was fully on with me. And then we went to see a Broadway show. I can't remember which one it was, it could have been spelling. Maybe it could have been, um, something else who knows. Uh, you know what? I think it was more of like, Maybe it was like a revival of the producers or something.
[00:38:16] Chelsey Donn: I'm not sure. Anyway, it doesn't have 12 angry men, 12 angry men. Maybe. I'm not sure.
[00:38:22] Trey Gerrald: That is so different than Spelling Bee!
[00:38:24] Chelsey Donn: I don't want to you guys. My sister, I lived together for like two and a half years in Manhattan. We saw a lot of shows, so I'm not sure what y'all was pointed is not the point, the point, right. We both went and we saw a show, we went to town on this, sugar-free talking to the two of us. It was fucking delicious.
[00:38:42] Chelsey Donn: We loved it. Like it was so great. Like, Ugh, chef's cat is best thing ever. So make it through the show. My sister and I. Both are meeting friends like around Midtown area for dinner, separate, like we lived together. So it was like, I'm going to go meet so-and-so and so-and-so. And I was like, I'm going to go meet my friends actually.
[00:39:03] Chelsey Donn: Now thinking back on it, really ironically at Bubba Gump shrimp! Run Forrest Run. Okay. So right. Okay. So anyway, I'm at Forrest Gump and I ordered like a salad or something. All of a sudden, like my stomach starts to hurt. Like I'm like mid conversation with friends and like, we're having a great time. And I'm like, Ooh, like, I don't know guys.
[00:39:26] Chelsey Donn: Like, I don't really feel that well. And then I started like sweating. And I was like, I I'm going to go. And they're like, your salad hasn't come yet. And I'm like, you just eat it. I'll pay you later. Like I need to go. and I thank God, like hail down a cab, like immediately. So I lived on 42nd street.
[00:39:48] Chelsey Donn: Okay. So I lived on 42nd and the Hudson, so I was close to home. Thank goodness. Usually what. This was not a walk scenario. So I get in the cab, I'm like, well, let's get on it. You know, go, go, go, go. And the building that I live in has almost like a round driveway that the cabs can pull into. So the cab pulls into the round driveway and I'm like, thanks.
[00:40:12] Chelsey Donn: And they're like run out of the cab and there's another cab that's in front of me. And out of that cab comes my sister. And she goes, oh my God. And I go, oh my God. And we didn't. We like barely exchanged. Thank God we lived in a two bedroom, two bathroom apartment. We made it up to the apartment. We did not exchange, uh, like even a word with each other.
[00:40:37] Chelsey Donn: All telekinesis, like conversation of like I'm dying, I'm dying, I'm dying, I'm dying. And then we just went to our respective bathrooms for like an hour equal trauma, you know, like across the apartment. Like, honestly, that was the last time I ever. Ever ate a sugar-free product. Me and God had a communication in that moment.
[00:41:02] Chelsey Donn: And God was like, if you're going to commit to not having candy, you should just not have it. And if you're going to grab for that apple, I'm going to hurt you.
[00:41:13] Trey Gerrald: When did you feel that you recovered? Was it like the next day or a couple of days.
[00:41:17] Chelsey Donn: I don't think Lindsay and I like, we were like sick. We, we recovered like that. Part of it was like an hour long Odyssey. And then once that was done and that journey of Troy had completed, it was just like sour stomach for a long time. And then we got over
[00:41:38] Chelsey Donn: it. But like once the
[00:41:40] Chelsey Donn: Trojan horse was empty, we. We were okay. Like we had survived, but like just barely and never again. So that's what I thought was going to happen.
[00:41:51] Chelsey Donn: Me too, you know? And, oh, I did look at the packaging and there is a warning. On the thing that is like leaky, discharge, like member. Wow. Chips. How, like on there, it was like, if you eat this, you can have leaky discharge, which is so gross. Think you don't remember this? Trey!!
[00:42:11] Trey Gerrald: I've never heard the phrase leaky discharge.
[00:42:14] Trey Gerrald: Hey
[00:42:15] Chelsey Donn: God, try. You're writing it down. Did you never have wow chips?
[00:42:19] Trey Gerrald: I've never had a wow chips. Oh my God guys discharge.
[00:42:23] Chelsey Donn: Okay. So true story. I went to fat camp. So like every time there was any diet fad that was happening in life, my family was very on it. And in the, I want to say it was the nineties. There were these things called wow chips and basically what they were was they were regular Lay's potato chips like that kind of.
[00:42:43] Chelsey Donn: And it had this chemical in it called Olean and it was like some sort of sorcery occurred and you are able to eat a chip that tasted like a Dorito, but had like nothing, no fat in it or something like that. And they were peddling this shit all throughout town and people like my family were buying them and eating them.
[00:43:04] Chelsey Donn: And. Yeah, you would get a stomach ache if you like had too many of them. And on the actual friggin package, it would say don't eat too many basically because leaky discharge is possible. And on the chocolate thing, I think it said like, don't eat more than three pieces. Well, Lindsay and I had multiple bags.
[00:43:26] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. I don't really mean, oh, oh, don't give me leaky discharged just because you can, God, that's gotta
[00:43:36] Chelsey Donn: be like the grosses language to have on a food. And.
[00:43:42] Trey Gerrald: Well, thank you for being vulnerable and sharing that with us.
[00:43:45] Chelsey Donn: My pleasure. I hope it's a warning for someone out there. You know,
[00:43:50] Trey Gerrald: everyone on our Patreon. Take Chelsey's nightmare as your warning, leaky discharge.
[00:43:58] Chelsey Donn: Yeah, you don't need to learn real things. You don't need to learn that on your own. You can take it from me, just like the Nair guy, you know, like you don't need to burn your balls, the cherries of fire guy did it for you. So you don't have to San
[00:44:12] Trey Gerrald: Tino. All right. Be careful when you're at Bubba Gump.
[00:44:15] Chelsey Donn: Yes, because you might just end up with the runs forrest runs.
[00:44:19] Chelsey Donn: You know what I mean?
[00:44:33] Trey Gerrald: Wow. You know, relistening to, um, the actual Review!. I feel like I still would do four and a half.
[00:44:41] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. I think that's where I think we both agree. We didn't say five because we really stayed in the joke lane the entire time. And I think we just were missing that small moment of authenticity. I think that it was certainly a good warning.
[00:44:56] Trey Gerrald: Yeah, I'm going to keep it at, um, I would keep it at four and a half, but boy, boy, that Olean boy. Well, that was fun.
[00:45:04] Chelsey Donn: Oh my god. That was quite an adventure. Thank you for staying with us. I know t