TRANSCRIPT of Episode 69: "Museum of Sex"

Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald
Episode 69: "Museum of Sex"


*Please Pardon any spelling errors!

THEME SONG: [00:00:00] Everybody's got an opinion.

Every Californian and Virginian.

It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.

Someone's gotta settle the score.

Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!

Whose views win, which ones lose.

Online haters are comin' for you!

Baby, it's time to Review That Review!

[00:00:30] Chelsey Donn: Hello

[00:00:32] Trey Gerrald: Well, hello and hello listeners. Welcome to Review That Review the podcast dedicated to reviewing

[00:00:39] Chelsey Donn: reviews. We're just like Siskel & Ebert only instead of reviewing cinematic masterpiece, we rate and review those hilarious scathing and sometimes suspicious online reviews.

[00:00:52] Trey Gerrald: that is Chelsey Donn,

[00:00:53] Chelsey Donn: And that is Trey Gerrald.

[00:00:56] Trey Gerrald: and together we are.

[00:00:58] VoiceOver: The review.

[00:01:02] Trey Gerrald: And a special Cheerio Queens to all of our Patreon members. They are helping us keep the lights on and in exchange they have access to exclusive content, including our companion after show podcast, featuring additional reviews, salacious, deep dives, full video recordings, merch discounts, and a whole heck of a lot more.

[00:01:24] Trey Gerrald: So if you wanna join them, Go visit our Patreon page. You can find that on our website or at Patreon dot com slash Review That Review Chelsey. How are you?

[00:01:36] Chelsey Donn: Cheerio, Trey. I'm good. I just wanted to be super comfy today. So I figured I'd show I'm showing up to work in a calf tan guys. Is that okay? That's

[00:01:46] Trey Gerrald: of course.

[00:01:47] Chelsey Donn: I just wanted to be comfy. I was feeling like I needed to be extra comfortable today and you look very comfy. Might I say, are you wearing a fetch sweatshirt?

[00:01:58] Trey Gerrald: I am. I'm wearing merch.

[00:02:00] Chelsey Donn: my God, you guys, I have to say beyond the fact that this sweatshirt does our merch and I love it. I'm obsessed with it. I wear it all the time too. It is so comfortable. How comfortable are our Kvetch sweatshirts?

[00:02:13] Trey Gerrald: It really is crazy comfortable. I don't have anything that's as soft as this. And even David was like, what is this? I was like, it's merch. He's like, it's so soft.

[00:02:23] Chelsey Donn: I know my old roommate Gotti, if you're listening, hi Gotti, he's super like high end when it comes to his stuff. He's one of those people that like doesn't have a huge closet, but the few items that he does have are like very high quality. He's like a little bit of a minimalist and he bought one of these Kvetch sweatshirts and he said, the quality is so high.

[00:02:43] Chelsey Donn: He's like, this is like a James Pierce quality and that's coming from a hard judge.

[00:02:49] Trey Gerrald: I don't know the brand, but it really is very soft. It's unlike any other thing I have, but yes, I also, in addition to you felt the need to just luxuriate. I had a friend in town who stayed with us. We had a whole blast about. Town going into Manhattan. We

[00:03:07] Trey Gerrald: did an impromptu college reunion with people that are around.

[00:03:11] Trey Gerrald: And I had a great time. This friend of mine, we went to college together. We also went to middle school and high school. I had a great time with my friend Francis who listens to the pod.

[00:03:22] Chelsey Donn: Oh, hi Francis.

[00:03:23] Trey Gerrald: She was like, I feel like I'm friends with Chelsey. And I was like, you are,

[00:03:27] Chelsey Donn: you are. Hi Francis. I'm so glad we're friends.

[00:03:30] Trey Gerrald: how was your week?

[00:03:32] Chelsey Donn: My week was good, busy, busy, you know, back in the season of, of work and, you know, nose to the grindstone and all that. But, I mean, I have been having something I've wanted to talk to about, and I've like saved it for this moment, cuz it's like super complainy.

[00:03:49] Chelsey Donn: So if it's okay with you.

[00:03:51] Trey Gerrald: Yes. Let's go ahead and.

[00:03:52] VoiceOver: Lodge Complaint.

[00:03:53] Chelsey Donn: So I used to go to the movies all the time, pre COVID, but I have not been going because I'm like trying to be extra cautious, whatever, but I decided the other day, like I wanna go to a movie and I really wanted to see top gun, which I hadn't seen yet, but like it was out it's been out like forever.

[00:04:11] Chelsey Donn: So I found a theater that was playing top gun. It was. My friends and I were excited. Girls night out, everything was seeming good. About five minutes in an entire row of people walk in, you know, the movie's just starting, you're picking up like, where are we? What's the plot? You know, Tom cruise is on screen and.

[00:04:33] Chelsey Donn: The person has like their flashlight on and they're trying to find the seat and then they're talking and they're like grabbing in the bag for the food. And then they're like whispering, but like really loud whispering. And that like at another point, like in the middle of the movie, one of them left and went and got food and then came back and she was like, I used your mom's phone number.

[00:04:58] Chelsey Donn: And I got 10% off, like literally in the middle of the movie.

[00:05:02] Trey Gerrald: no.

[00:05:03] Chelsey Donn: Like hello? Who raised these people? They were probably in their twenties. I was just trying to think, like, did I behave like that? Like, I don't think I was ever that disrespectful

[00:05:17] Trey Gerrald: Hm.

[00:05:18] Chelsey Donn: the sanctity of the movie theater, like.

[00:05:21] Trey Gerrald: Hmm.

[00:05:22] Chelsey Donn: We're here. We're trying to enjoy this moment.

[00:05:25] Chelsey Donn: We're trying to all focus on the same thing. All we do all day long is like, we're on the phone. We're so distracted. We're talking we're whatever. Like this is the time when we get to just turn it all off. And pay attention to this art that I dedicate my life to, that you dedicate your life to. And these people are back there.

[00:05:47] Chelsey Donn: Like, why are you here? You could literally be anywhere. You could be anywhere, but here, but you're here. And you're ruining this experience. And at one point, I mean, I really had to hold together cuz I like, you know, I'm trying not to be the school mom, Trey. I'm trying not to be the old lady. I'm really I'm trying, but I had to shush.

[00:06:09] Chelsey Donn: At one point I had to shush. Okay. It got outta control. And I, I gave a, you know, just like a little, little

[00:06:19] Trey Gerrald: they respond?

[00:06:20] Chelsey Donn: they got quiet and then it was one of those recliner chairs. And so like, I pressed my recliner chair and it made like a fart sound when I pressed the leg when I did it. And so then they were like, sh you. But like, what the heck? Like why, why, why do people do this? Like, it's really graining to me. Is it graining to you? Trey?

[00:06:42] Trey Gerrald: okay. Well, I just have to show you that written on my

[00:06:46] Chelsey Donn: No, stop it. You're lying to

[00:06:48] Trey Gerrald: Literally my Complaint today is opening candy at a Broadway musical

[00:06:54] Chelsey Donn: my God.

[00:06:55] Trey Gerrald: because David and I had the amazing opportunity to see a very good friend of ours. Play the role of Evan Hanson in the musical. Dear Evan Hanson on the great white way.

[00:07:09] Trey Gerrald: We were in the third row with vocalist of our theme song, Natalie Weiss. And I mean, I could talk about that performance as a Royal Highness. I don't know if the listeners have seen dear Evan Hansen, there was a film. It is an outrageous performance that requires so much emotional access on top of outrageous pop high belt, male singing it.

[00:07:35] Trey Gerrald: The, the task is so absurd. I remember when we saw Ben Ette afterwards, we were like, how will they ever cast anyone else to do this?

[00:07:45] Chelsey Donn: I know

[00:07:45] Trey Gerrald: how anyone else can do this.

[00:07:48] Chelsey Donn: I saw Ben in it and I was like, that was the best thing I've ever seen on stage. Like the acting, the like snot,

[00:07:56] Trey Gerrald: So it, without spoilers, there is the whole show is about some deception. And so there is this incredible 11 o'clock number where Evan Hanson is revealing the deception. And this is a number where the character is literally snot crying

[00:08:15] Chelsey Donn: Yes.

[00:08:15] Trey Gerrald: and belting. Simultaneously. And we literally, I, I can't even make this up.

[00:08:23] Trey Gerrald: We're in the third row and there are these two tourists in front of us. And they literally in the vamp silence when the character is like revealing the whole point of the show,

[00:08:38] Chelsey Donn: Oh no.

[00:08:39] Trey Gerrald: you hear this. And I was like, no, Natalie smacked my thigh. So fucking hard. I'm like, yes, bitch. I am hearing it too.

[00:08:54] Chelsey Donn: in the room.

[00:08:56] Trey Gerrald: He starts belting really high and crying. And then we hear this. It was like a three parter. They had to like wiggle the paper candy out of the purse. Then they had to open the paper candy. Then they had to put the candy in their teeth and make crazy clicking sounds. At the point in the show where been plat, one of Tony, it was, I could not believe it Chelsey. It's like also that is a moment where you are waiting the entire show, especially if.

[00:09:28] Trey Gerrald: Have seen that, you know, that this outrageous moment is about to happen. It's like the defining moment it's as if seeing wicked and you're getting to define

[00:09:38] Chelsey Donn: a fine gravity.

[00:09:39] Trey Gerrald: and there's a blackout, right. Or it's like, you're going to see dream girls. And you're about to hear, and I am telling you, and, um, F he loses her voice.

[00:09:48] Trey Gerrald: Like, it's just like we have arrived at the moment that will live in

[00:09:52] Chelsey Donn: at the like pin ultimate moment, the moment the

[00:09:56] Trey