top of page

TRANSCRIPT of Episode 86: "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie"

Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald
Episode 86: "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie"


*Please pardon any and all spelling errors!

[00:00:00] THEME SONG: Everybody's got an opinion.

Every Californian and Virginian.

It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.

Someone's gotta settle the score.

Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!

Whose views win, which ones lose.

Online haters are comin' for you!

Baby, it's time to Review That Review!

[00:00:30] Chelsey Donn: Hello!

[00:00:31] Trey Gerrald: Well, hi there and hello. Welcome to Review That Review, listener. We are the podcast that is dedicated to reviewing,

[00:00:40] Chelsey Donn: reviews we're just like Siskel and Ebert only. Instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we rate and review those hilarious, scathing, and sometimes suspicious online reviews,

[00:00:53] Trey Gerrald: that is Chelsey Donn,

[00:00:55] Chelsey Donn: and that is Trey Gerrald.

[00:00:57] Trey Gerrald: and when we come together, we form.

[00:01:00] VOICEOVER: The Review Queen.

[00:01:03] Trey Gerrald: A', very special cheer. Yay to all of our members over on Patreon who have exclusive access to tons of bonuses, including our companion After show podcast, which features additional reviews. Go to Review That Review dot com slash Patreon if you wanna know more. If you wanna show some support for our show in A' different way, then visit Review That Review dot com slash donate.

Hello, ChelseyBD Bach. How are ya

[00:01:30] Chelsey Donn: Hi. I'm good. I'm good. I've been handwriting A'. Lot of thank you cards for A' client, so my hands are A'. Little bit numb. Yep. Yep. But other than that, 'I am Good. How has your week been? How are you?

[00:01:45] Trey Gerrald: I'm good. 'I, haven't been writing thank you notes. So 'I. Don't feel pain in my hands, which is great.

[00:01:49] Chelsey Donn: Yes. Good for you.

[00:01:51] Trey Gerrald: 'I 'I. Don't know if 'I wanna talk about this, but I'm going to 'I feel like my lower back has really been hurting me A' lot and 'I don't want to blame it away to being old. But 'I do think that I'm guilty of thinking, oh, I'm just getting older and so my lower back hurts.

But I'm not like 90 years old like 'I. Don't know why 'I keep saying that, but my lower back really hurts.

[00:02:12] Chelsey Donn: Yeah, 'I mean I've had lower back problems when 'I was in high school and college. So 'I don't associate it with an age thing. But 'I do know that. Like you see all those cartoons and stuff where they're like, oh, my A'

[00:02:25] Trey Gerrald: A' came back. Mm-hmm. , I'm glad that we can convene together, we can commiserate about our aching packs and not have A' mean anything about our age.

[00:02:35] Chelsey Donn: I'm sorry you're feeling that way. Trey. 'I. Hope it gets better.

[00:02:38] Trey Gerrald: Thank you. Well, should we join and commiserate in A'? Little bit of, um, complaining. ChelseyBD, do you need to?

[00:02:45] VOICEOVER: Lodge, A', Complaint.

[00:02:46] Chelsey Donn: OMG. 'I thought you'd never ask. Okay, so 'I have A', big Complaint. Today it's like, you know, one of the pet peeve kind of complaints. 'I have A', major pet peeve, and 'I feel like it's gotten worse. And 'I just 'I. can't!. Like 'I. Really? My tolerance is very low. 'I can't stand it. When I'm with someone like hanging out, we're getting lunch, we're catching up.

We haven't seen each other in A' while whatever the case may be, even if it's not that, but especially that, and they're on their phone the '

[00:03:17] Trey Gerrald: I knew it. 'I knew you were gonna say it. 'I fucking knew you were gonna say it.

[00:03:20] Chelsey Donn: 'I can't handle it. It's just so rude. It's so annoying. Like it's fine. Like if, if sometimes like I'm expecting A' call and I'm meeting someone for lunch, I'll say like, I'm so sorry, I'm gonna check my phone like every so often, just cause I'm waiting for an important email or 'I 'I.

'I might get A' call, you know, while we're here because I'm waiting to hear back from my doctor, you know? So, Of course there's extenuating circumstances where it's fine, but if you're the person that's just like on your phone all the time, scrolling, doing whatever, when you're with someone else, like unplug for A' second,

[00:03:54] Trey Gerrald: Hmm.

[00:03:55] Chelsey Donn: 'I can't.

[00:03:55] Trey Gerrald: Yeah. You know, it is one of my pet peeves too. And 'I, remember when Apple watches started becoming A' thing, being with people and noticing they were constantly checking their Apple watch and feeling like it was so insulting. Like, like it was like A' heightened experience of that. But yes, 'I Concur, 100%.

There's something that feels very offensive that like, I'm not interesting or you're not interested in being with me. Or it's like you're so self-involved, or it's like just A' high explanation of not being present.

[00:04:24] Chelsey Donn: Yes, 'I. Think it's just like, it's habitual. You know, like it's like the pacifier. We gotta touch it and like play with it and do 'I actually, like 'I had A' friend that was doing this all the time and 'I decided 'I need, 'I had to say something to her. 'I. like in A' Nice way. Cause 'I liked her and 'I liked hanging out with her.

But 'I was just like, 'I have to be honest with you. Like this is something you do and it feels like you're not present when we hang out. And she was like, oh my God. Like thank you so much for telling me 'I feel 'I 'I was sort of feeling like 'I was doing it too much. 'I think 'I need to take A' break.

And then it was never an issue after that. And she was like, thank you for like letting me know. So 'I do think with sometimes with people, like they're really, it's not like I'm trying to be rude, you know what 'I mean? It's just, it's A' habitual. But like if we are going out and we're in public at A' restaurant, even with my parents, they do that.

Do your, do your, does your mom do that? Like, I'll be at A' Restaurant with my, my parents and they'll be like on their phone the whole time. I'm just like, oh, cool. 'I guess. We like don't have anything to talk about. It's like embarrassing.

[00:05:28] Trey Gerrald: It's funny because David and 'I, whenever we're on A' date to the two of us, we have A' like no phone rule where we like will not engage with our phones and it like works and is like it's, it's helpful A'. Good reminder. Like right now that's not what we're doing. You know? You know, 'I also had A' boss once who said, regarding phones in the workplace, if you have like an emergency like you're.

Animals at the vet or there's something going on with A' family member, then like acknowledge it and like we understand like going and checking in A' few times, but even in those scenarios, you committed to being at work for this amount of time. So that is the priority and we're gonna hold you to your commitment.

So don't be on your phone. And 'I thought that that was such A' clean, direct to the point, perfect standard that 'I feel like we should all set. 'I once had A' lunch date with A' friend who it was like, we're actually not friends anymore. But 'I was

excited. Not, this actually has nothing to do with it, but, oh, that's A' really good story.

'I should talk about on the after show, but 'I remember having A' lunch date with them when 'I was staying in Los Angeles and the entire coffee. Maybe an exaggeration is to say it was the entire coffee day, but 'I would say he was drafting A' tweet

[00:06:44] Chelsey Donn: Oh

[00:06:45] Trey Gerrald: for the first half hour of this coffee day,

[00:06:48] Chelsey Donn: Oh my God,

[00:06:49] Trey Gerrald: and it was so obnoxious and so maddening that 'I still think about it to this day.

And this was, you know, six, seven years ago.

[00:06:58] Chelsey Donn: Yeah, 'I mean it sticks with you. It's also interesting for me cuz I'll, like 'I have certain friends that 'I l 'I do like looking at their Instagram stories or looking at their whatever, and I'm like, oh, that's so nice when I'm not with them. But then when you're with them, you're like, oh, this is why your Instagram is amazing because you're, you're not actually experiencing anything.

You're just like capturing it for the innerwebs.

[00:07:24] Trey Gerrald: Yeah, 'I. Hear you. Wow, that was A' real big pop off for me. Thank you for

[00:07:28] Chelsey Donn: Woo.

[00:07:28] Trey Gerrald: about that cuz 'I. Hear

[00:07:29] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. Thank you. Shall 'I give you the opportunity? Try

[00:07:33] Trey Gerrald: Well, thank you so much, 'I. Am going to pass the opportunity on to one of our listeners because Diva, we haven't yet again, another

[00:07:44] VOICEOVER: Listener voice.

[00:07:46] Chelsey Donn: Oh.

[00:07:47] VOICEOVER: Hey, Trey and ChelseyBD. This is Francis. Longtime listener. Longtime friend. 'I had to call y'all because what is the deal with people not returning shopping carts to A' designated area or to the store? It's insane. 'I went to the grocery store today and I'm pulling in and, ooh, 'I. See A'.

Nice open spot, but then there's three. effing shopping carts just left there and you know where the Des made area was exactly across to the other side. And 'I was like, are you serious? And yes, 'I one these people that 'I get out my car and 'I return the shopping carts myself because it infuriates me.

Okay, 'I just had to get that off my chest. 'I. Hope y'all having A'. Great day. Love you both. Bye.

[00:08:39] Chelsey Donn: Oh, love you.

[00:08:40] Trey Gerrald: A'. Oh my gosh. Wait. I'm like, I'm like mad at Francis because 'I, that is such A'. Good Complaint. Oh my God.

[00:08:50] Chelsey Donn: It's A' hundred percent on my list. Francis. Love you. Love you. Thank you for calling. So sweet 'I. Feel you. It's so annoying. What is wrong with people? 'I always will return my cart. You know, in the store or in one of those like cart designated areas. 'I don't understand when people don't do it,

[00:09:08] Trey Gerrald: me

[00:09:09] Chelsey Donn: so.

Crazy to me. And you know, in doing that, someone else is gonna have to now do it for you. Like it's so ignorant.

[00:09:18] Trey Gerrald: It's such A', multi-layered Complaint. Obviously Francis listens because 'I feel 'I. I'm like hearing our pattern in Francis's Complaint, but, uh, she upped the ante in the Complaint because that's exactly what's frustrating to me is like the, the carts are just rogue all over the parking lot, right? And then you see A' perfect parking spot and you're like, oh my gosh, how ha how has no one taken in this perfect spot?

And then there's A' cart, blah. Oh my gosh. It makes me so angry. Especially, and, and I'm gonna full disclosure here, this is now the Holy Trinity because Francis was the third roommate. So now we've heard from all of my roommates in college, but Francis Mazeltov is pregnant. So whoever these monsters are who left these carts for this pregnant woman to go and hustle and round them up, 'I mean it's maddening.

There's even at the Acme Grocery Store here in New Jersey, there. An employee whose only job is wrangling all of the shopping carts. Can you 'I, imagine like that's how lazy we are as Americans, that it's A' job for A' person to be in the cold gathering all of the sharpen cart shopping carts and rain and snow because we can't be bothered to return something.

Like, are you


[00:10:33] Chelsey Donn: that's why in Europe they have the thing with A' quarter or whatever,

[00:10:37] Trey Gerrald: Oh.

[00:10:38] Chelsey Donn: or like you're not getting your quarter back unless you return your cart.

[00:10:42] Trey Gerrald: 'I mean it's such A'. Good. Complaint, 'I. 'I do feel anger because 'I wish 'I had inducted it. It's like so clear, so present. Oh, 'I am so mad. Well, good job Francis. Thank you for calling in.

[00:10:53] Chelsey Donn: Way to get us all fired up on your account. But like what? A'. Great. Complaint. It was on my list, Ophelia. And thank you for listening and being so sweet.

[00:11:03] Trey Gerrald: Yes,

[00:11:04] Chelsey Donn: That was great. 'I. Love hearing from you guys. It's

[00:11:07] Trey Gerrald: 'I know.

[00:11:08] Chelsey Donn: know. It's like A'. It's so great to connect with you.

[00:11:11] Trey Gerrald: And if you would like to listener, be just like Francis, then please call in, use A' fetch line 1 8 50 review zero. Let us know your complaints. Maybe we'll highlight them on the show and we'll get angry right along with you. What feels better than having someone commiserate with your Complaint?

[00:11:29] Chelsey Donn: yes. Let's get riled up and complain about stuff. We wanna

[00:11:33] Trey Gerrald: soaking

[00:11:34] Chelsey Donn: all the complaints and with that in mind, Trey, should we Thank you. Jump in to some online reviews, 'I. Gotta hear some more Kvetching.

[00:11:47] Trey Gerrald: 'I think it's the perfect time actually for us to do

[00:11:50] Chelsey Donn: Yay.

[00:11:53] VOICEOVER: Review, That, Review.

[00:11:57] Chelsey Donn: As you know, we are your trusty Review Queen. We bring in reviews from the internet that we feel need to be inspected.

[00:12:05] Trey Gerrald: and 'I will read you the review, break it down together, and rate the impact of the review on A' scale from zero to five crowns. It's A', very regal process that we like to call.

[00:12:15] VOICEOVER: Assess, That, Kvetch.

[00:12:18] Chelsey Donn: And Trey, it is your turn my friend. What have you brought for us today?

[00:12:24] Trey Gerrald: All right. Well 'I am bringing it right around to one of my often favorite websites that we don't really tackle all the time

[00:12:33] Chelsey Donn: Is it good reads?

[00:12:34] Trey Gerrald: today. 'I have A' two star. Good Reads, review.

[00:12:39] Chelsey Donn: Woo 'I. Love it. Okay.

[00:12:41] Trey Gerrald: For A' very popular children's book, which has actually spawned an entire series. But today we're gonna cover the original today.

ChelseyBD, you and 'I are gonna rate and review this two star review of the children's book. If you give A' Mouse A'.

[00:13:02] Chelsey Donn: oh. 'I Rem 'I. Like that book 'I. Think when 'I was A' kid.

[00:13:06] Trey Gerrald: The book was written by Laura Joie Numeroff with illustrations by

[00:13:12] Chelsey Donn: What was that?

[00:13:14] Trey Gerrald: 'I, don't know how to say it. Laura, j o f f e, Numeroff, N U M E R O F F. Numeroff

[00:13:24] Chelsey Donn: Okay. Lori Lord. Joffey. Numer.

[00:13:27] Trey Gerrald: Laura.

[00:13:27] Chelsey Donn: Numeroff. Laura Joffey. Numeroff.

[00:13:31] Trey Gerrald: So just so you know, on Good Reads, this book has A' average rating of 4.27, and that is out of 282,106. Reviews on this

[00:13:46] Chelsey Donn: Stop.

[00:13:48] Trey Gerrald: Crazy, right?

[00:13:49] Chelsey Donn: Stop it. That's insane.

[00:13:52] Trey Gerrald: Actually, that's not correct. It's. Ratings and then there's 4,586 reviews

[00:14:00] Chelsey Donn: That's still A' lot.

[00:14:01] Trey Gerrald: because you can rate without leaving A' review on on Good Reads. All right, so here we go. So today, 'I had A'. Really good time going through all of these, and 'I ultimately landed on this one from username Eva Marie, though that's one name, but it's hyphenated, so it's Eva Marie.

[00:14:19] Chelsey Donn: Marie.

[00:14:20] Trey Gerrald: That's right. Yeah. So this was written on February 19th, 2011,

[00:14:26] Chelsey Donn: Okay.

[00:14:28] Trey Gerrald: so let's hear it together. This is Eva Marie's two star Good Reads review for if you give A' Mouse A' cookie.

[00:14:34] Chelsey Donn: Let's do it.

[00:14:36] Trey Gerrald: Okay, well 'I guess I'm about the only person in the world who thinks these books. Even Julia disagrees with me and we had an entire conversation with each of us stating our points after we read this parenthesis.

She's quite the debater for not yet being six years old and parenthesis 'I. Don't find these books enjoyable at all. In fact, I'll reiterate my thoughts for the slow ones out there.

[00:15:12] Chelsey Donn: Oh, okay.

[00:15:14] Trey Gerrald: think caps, they stink. Who can't write this? Rocks can't 'I. Guess Slugs. Water bugs, A'. Few others. Most humans can 'I. most humans with A', few brain cells still kicking. Can 'I think you could take some 78 year old crack head who has been huffing paint and gas for the past 58 years? Give him A' pen A' piece of paper, and while dangling A' crack rock in front of him. Tell him to write A' mediocre story, and you'd have something along the lines of this masterpiece right here. How does this happen? Do you just have to get lucky? Can 'I get lucky? Like this chick Do 'I even want to be lucky like her?

[00:16:17] Chelsey Donn: Oh God.

[00:16:18] Trey Gerrald: Then I'd have to own up to actually writing this mess. By the way, the reason this isn't getting one star is because my kid refused to let me. She insisted we compromise. 'I said one star, she said five. So she made me add an extra star. 'I can't help but feel 'I got over on her. 'I. Wonder what she'll say when she grows up and reads this smiley. 'I. Love you, Julie. Bug.

[00:16:58] Chelsey Donn: wow.

[00:16:59] VOICEOVER: Oh my God. It's A', Karen.

[00:17:01] Chelsey Donn: Wow. Okay. Eva Marie?

[00:17:04] Trey Gerrald: Before we get into the basics, so you mentioned liking this book, so 'I couldn't exactly like 'I. Of course 'I remember this, but 'I didn't really exactly remember. So I'm just gonna share the quick summary that's listed on good Reads. So if you give A' Mouse A' cookie, he's going to ask for A' glass of milk.

If A' hungry little traveler shows up at your house, you might want to give him A' cookie. If you give him A' cookie, he's going to ask for A' glass of milk. He'll want to look in A' mirror to make sure he doesn't have A' milk mustache, and then he'll ask for A' pair of scissors to give himself A' dot.

The consequences of giving A' cookie to this energetic mouse run the young host ragged, but readers of all ages will come away smiling at the antics that tumble like dominoes through the pages of this delightful picture book. This book is A' Great. First introduction to Mouse, the star of the if you give series and A' perennial favorite among children with its spare rhythmic text and circular tale.

If you give A' mouse A' cookie written in 1985 is perfect for beginning readers and story time Sure to inspire giggles and requests to read it. preschool to two plus.

[00:18:30] Chelsey Donn: Okay,

[00:18:30] Trey Gerrald: So how old do we think Eva Maria

[00:18:32] Chelsey Donn: well, Eva Marie has A' young daughter, but 'I think that Eva Marie is an older mom for some reason that survives 'I beginning. 'I. 'I wanna say early fifties, maybe late forties, but I'm getting 50.

[00:18:43] Trey Gerrald: 'I mean? Clearly not the target demographic here.

[00:18:46] Chelsey Donn: Definitely. Yeah. 'I was gonna say, where do we start with this? 'I wanna start talking about Eva Marie and sort of breaking down the psychology as 'I like to do with A' Key statement that 'I found in the very, almost very end of this review when you said, can 'I get lucky like this?

[00:19:07] Trey Gerrald: 'I

[00:19:07] Chelsey Donn: Do 'I Wanna be lucky?

Do you wanna be lucky? 'I think that like there's some sort of bitterness happening within Eva Marie where things didn't exactly work out in their life the way that they wanted them to. And now, They're very bitter and 'I find that very sad and 'I. Think sometimes when you get locked in that place, and we've all been there where we're bitter about something, there really is no space for luck or joy in that kind of mindset.

So 'I thought it was very telling that not only did Eva Marie. Shame the writer of this book for having success. For doing something. For following their dreams. For following their joy. But they even questioned themselves and said, do 'I wanna be lucky? Right.

[00:20:02] Trey Gerrald: that

[00:20:03] Chelsey Donn: Because I'd have to own up to this book, which what you'd have to own up to having written something that stands the test of time that like.

Thousands, millions of people find joy in. And you're not the target demographic cuz you're not in preschool and your preschool age daughter loves the book. But you wanna get one over on your joyful, like pure child who's yet to be tainted and bitter and write this review and just give her throw A' little extra star.

I'm sorry, like it's A' five star experience. You're A' parent. The book's not for you, it's for the kid. You read it to the. The kid liked it. Where's the failure?

[00:20:51] Trey Gerrald: the circular narrative here then is that Eva Marie ends this review by saying, 'I wonder what my child will think of this review when they read it later.

[00:20:59] Chelsey Donn: Yeah, probably like.

[00:21:01] Trey Gerrald: test of time.

[00:21:02] Chelsey Donn: My mom is A' lunatic. Like that's what they're going to think. Sorry, 'I shouldn't stoop to the level of Eva Marie, but I'm just getting mad. 'I. I'm like angered at the entire crackhead section. Like of the dangling of the crack

[00:21:17] Trey Gerrald: 'I know that really doesn't age well. That's like, that used to be like A' term that you could joke about, but 'I think it's just in bad taste now. Like, here we go. That's not standing the test of time 'I mean. It's

[00:21:27] Chelsey Donn: the slow ones.

[00:21:29] Trey Gerrald: yeah, that's bad. Yeah.

[00:21:31] Chelsey Donn: mean.

[00:21:32] Trey Gerrald: and even as you said, pointing out like, uh, this chick like that even rings as like very, uh, not funny anymore.

Like you can't.

[00:21:41] Chelsey Donn: it's just not funny. 'I wonder, like 'I do wonder if Eva Marie is going for humor. Like, do you think that they're trying to be funny or is this just like, like, what is this, because you're on good reads, you're writing A' review about to give A' mouse A' cookie. Like is it A' joke?

[00:22:01] Trey Gerrald: So,

[00:22:02] Chelsey Donn: funny cuz you're talking about the like slugs and water bugs.

Like, like what?

[00:22:08] Trey Gerrald: Right 'I. Mean 'I. It is surprising how many reviews there are for these children. Books on good reads 'I mean there. There was one that 'I was like, oh, 'I have to read this one, but it's literally A' dissertation. It was like 28 paragraphs and it's like very sciencey, like elevated language like. That 'I.

That 'I was sort of like, this is if you give A' A' fucking cookie, like are you serious? But so like it goes, people take it very seriously in both extremes. Obviously we know that's why we like


[00:22:39] Chelsey Donn: also we know Good Reads is like the place to take things seriously.

[00:22:43] Trey Gerrald: And so A', to your point that you just mentioned though, A', lot of these reviews that are negative, talk about what the experience is like as the parent having to read this stuff to the children.

[00:22:56] Chelsey Donn: But then don't have kids. 'I mean like

[00:22:59] Trey Gerrald: also like don't complain about it. Like no one made you A' parent, but yourself.

[00:23:04] Chelsey Donn: children's books are like this, like this. Also, 'I was gonna ask you and then 'I was, God, you mentioned it like when was this written? Cuz you said it was written in 85. And 'I also feel like our expectations for A' Children's book in 2010 were A' lot different than our expectations for A' Children's book in 1985.

[00:23:23] Trey Gerrald: Good point.

[00:23:25] Chelsey Donn: It still slaps with the children. So where like what's the problem? Like it's still like hitting that critical component, which 'I think is A' major Miss in terms of Eva Marie's interpretation, which is that 'I think part of the device of A' Children's book. is to give A' certain amount of like ownership and understanding to the child even though they can't read it, right?

So it's like if you're reading A' book to somebody else, one just for like A' child detention span, you gotta kind of get there quickly. You don't have time to really like pull out A' narrative. And two, it's gonna be something that is easy to capture in an illustration and easy for A' child to attach to that story.

So it do, it's. That you have to be an idiot or dumb or have A' brain full of rocks in order to like this book. It's written for children with developing minds that want to be able to latch on to A' simple narrative.

[00:24:33] Trey Gerrald: Right. But to be fair, Eva Marie's point is. , there's so not any substantive, substantive writing here that even A' crackhead could write it, which doesn't really make sense to me because it's sort of like, what? Like why are you taking such A' hot take on that? Like

it's A' Children's book. Like

[00:24:55] Chelsey Donn: It's A' Children's book. Like it's not like

[00:24:58] Trey Gerrald: it


[00:24:58] Chelsey Donn: supposed to be. Like, like every children's book 'I feel like it's basically like an allegory, right?

[00:25:06] Trey Gerrald: there are, this is basically an allegory of like the Booz bourgeois Z 'I. Can't say that word. Bourgeois Z.

[00:25:13] Chelsey Donn: or just like when you give somebody something, then they expect more, right? Like that, that's like something that happens in life is like, it starts with you just want A' little cookie and then it ends with, you know, you want the whole house.

[00:25:25] Trey Gerrald: this is exactly the giving tree. Oh my God. It's the exact same story.

[00:25:30] Chelsey Donn: They're, yeah, they're always the same

[00:25:32] Trey Gerrald: What 'I, literally in live time. Now I'm just having an epiphany. It's literally the same story of the Giving Tree.

[00:25:42] Chelsey Donn: They're all the same. It's always, it's like A' lesson, right? Like don't be the person that takes too much, or whatever it is. There's just short lessons. 'I think that it's crazy. It's just crazy to me that even Marie. With full consciousness could talk at such length about the fact that their kid loved this book, and still with A' Serious face say that it's not A' kid's book.

That is good.

[00:26:11] Trey Gerrald: or like degrade at so hardcore when it's bringing joy to your child is like really saying A' lot about what's going on over there.

[00:26:19] Chelsey Donn: It's very strange.

[00:26:21] Trey Gerrald: 'I, but just back to this whole point about like the low level of artistic integrity here, it's for preschoolers. Like what are you, like, why are you so mad?

[00:26:32] Chelsey Donn: what I'm saying. What are you mad at? It's like, not like if this book was A' on the college syllabus, 'I could see being A' little upset. But this is like literally for this is gonna be the first book that A' lot of kids read. You know what 'I mean? It's meant to be easy.

[00:26:50] Trey Gerrald: So, all right, so then as, as far as valuable new and unique information, I'm hearing that as A' parent, it might be A' little redundant and you might spend time not paying attention to the words coming outta your mouth and your daydreaming about how did this chick get so lucky to make this book? That became such A' phenomenon.

And here 'I am like, okay, sure. I'm hearing that maybe

[00:27:14] Chelsey Donn: But is that common? Is that common? Is that A' common? Well, 'I know because you're very definitive on not wanting to have kids. But you know, for people that are not definitive about that, who do wanna have kids who obviously to A' Eva Maria's credit, right? She ended the review saying, love you Juju,

[00:27:35] Trey Gerrald: Julie Bug

[00:27:36] Chelsey Donn: Julie Bug.

Right? So it's like, obviously. , you know, A' Eva Marie loves her child and loves the fact that she has A' child and she's really leading with that. So do you think that most parents who love their children, who are very invested in their life are gonna be this upset about A' redundant children's story? Is that

[00:27:56] Trey Gerrald: 'I mean, please call in. Please, listeners, please literally pause right now and call in and tell us your tales of being A' parent and having to read these dumb down children's book. What is the effect? Cuz we don't know, but. 'I mean it does A', it does come off A' little, um, unbalanced. It comes off like 'I.

Ill appropriate A' disproportionate to like what the topic is. That's how it is sitting with me.

[00:28:23] Chelsey Donn: 'I mean even if it was like A' three star review and it was like, if you ask my daughter, it's five stars. If you ask me it's zero. We compromise it three.

[00:28:32] Trey Gerrald: and being angry that you had to compromise with your not yet six year old. Like, that's so weird. It's like 'I do wanna share that This book, the addition that this review is for is 40 pages.

[00:28:44] Chelsey Donn: Wow.

[00:28:45] Trey Gerrald: So I'm imagining the first couple of pages are, are filler. Maybe the last page is like you know about, and then it's like double-sided.

But that's longer than 'I thought. 'I would be.

[00:28:55] Chelsey Donn: Longer than 'I thought 'I would be too

[00:28:57] Trey Gerrald: 'I mean the spelling grammar here is to totally fine and perfect. 'I. It is interesting to note that the smiley face is colon. Is that A'? A' A' Colon dash capital D. So it's like an energetic smiley face.

[00:29:12] Chelsey Donn: wow. That's surprising. In A'

[00:29:14] Trey Gerrald: Isn't it?

[00:29:15] Chelsey Donn: Yeah.

[00:29:16] Trey Gerrald: 'I? Think this is totally shady.

[00:29:18] Chelsey Donn: Very, like very shady. I'm having trouble 'I. Know that you gave the one value that you think is out of this review. Being that A' parent can know it's A' sort of redundant experience, but I'm truly having A' problem identifying any of the value It feels like A'.

Hundred percent shade to me. 'I mean literally coming for the author.

[00:29:37] Trey Gerrald: literally coming for the author and, and, and A' really like below the belt way.

[00:29:43] Chelsey Donn: Saying that like A' Crackhead is smarter than the author or A' Bug. Or A' Slug, or what the heck was that section?

[00:29:51] Trey Gerrald: Do you know what A' Water Bug is?

[00:29:53] Chelsey Donn: A' Water Bug 'I. Feel like I've heard of it before. Is it like A' beetle?

[00:29:57] Trey Gerrald: What In the south? 'I don't know where Eva Maria's from, but in the South we like call cockroaches like water bugs and palmetto bugs. Yuck.

[00:30:05] Chelsey Donn: Okay, so maybe they're from the '

[00:30:06] Trey Gerrald: I. mean we,

[00:30:07] Chelsey Donn: that that changes any 'I. Don't know that that changes anything.

[00:30:11] Trey Gerrald: 'I mean we can't really deduce if it's common or typical. 'I. 'I can't really imagine that most people are gonna have this much vitriol, but 'I can leave space that perhaps. There are maybe Eva Marie is not the only person that hates it this much.

'I don't know. It's just if you give A' mouse A' cookie 'I mean 'I.


[00:30:29] Chelsey Donn: not that deep

[00:30:30] Trey Gerrald: humor. Were we entertained 'I? Think Eva

Marie was trying to be funny, but

[00:30:35] Chelsey Donn: what 'I 'I was asking earlier. Do you think that even Marie was trying to be funny?

[00:30:40] Trey Gerrald: 'I. Think when they get into the, like, who can't write this? Rocks can't 'I guess. That sounds like

[00:30:48] Chelsey Donn: That's A'. That was an attempted humor. Okay.

[00:30:51] Trey Gerrald: but then it really derails with like playing down like at old people first and then they,

[00:30:58] Chelsey Donn: punching down. It's not

[00:31:00] Trey Gerrald: dangling A' crack rock like it


[00:31:03] Chelsey Donn: was crazy.

[00:31:04] Trey Gerrald: touch.

[00:31:05] Chelsey Donn: Not good. And ultimately the impact 'I feel like is the reverse of the star count. You know? So like, again, it's one of those situations where it is impactful, but it leaves me feeling defensive of the writer as opposed to listening to the reviewer.

[00:31:23] Trey Gerrald: well, before we Crown 'I, want to just read off all of the titles of the books in this series, cuz they're funny to me.

[00:31:31] Chelsey Donn: Okay.

[00:31:32] Trey Gerrald: So the first one, if you give A' Mouse, A' Cookie was written in 1985 and then the first sequel was written in 91.

[00:31:42] Chelsey Donn: Okay.

[00:31:42] Trey Gerrald: And that was if you give A' moose A' muffin.

[00:31:46] Chelsey Donn: Okay. Muffins were very popular in the nineties.

[00:31:49] Trey Gerrald: That's true. And then seven years later, if you give A' Pig A' pancake,

[00:31:55] Chelsey Donn: Aw. 'I kinda like that.

[00:31:57] Trey Gerrald: if you take A' Mouse to the movies, oh, they did A' Little Switch there. If you take A' Mouse to school, that doesn't seem to follow the alliteration, but okay. Um, if you give A' Pig A' party, If you give A' cat A' cupcake, if you give A' dog A' donut, if you give A' mouse A' brownie,

[00:32:17] Chelsey Donn: Wow. Okay.

[00:32:19] Trey Gerrald: there's also A'.

Bunch of other ones like Mouse became their own star. So it's like the best mouse cookie. Merry Christmas mouse. Time for school Mouse. Uh, happy Valentine's Day Mouse. Happy Easter Mouse. 'I. Guess mouse is not Jewish. Happy it's Pumpkin Day Mouse. Happy Birthday Mouse. Okay, so

there's A', lot of

[00:32:39] Chelsey Donn: so there's A', lot of mouse stuff. Well, that's the thing is like 'I guess we don't need to feel that bad for the author. Clearly they're fine.

[00:32:47] Trey Gerrald: Well, that's what I'm saying. Eva Marie, you're wrong here. This person is A' success. Who cares what your thoughts are on it?

[00:32:54] Chelsey Donn: Right. And that's, that brings me back to the entire, the first point that 'I made, which is that like, do you wanna be lucky because it sounds like you could redirect A', lot of this anger and write A' children's book that you think is great. Maybe it would be great. Maybe you would be better. Like put your money where your mouth is.

[00:33:10] Trey Gerrald: Maybe the lesson here is you're trying too hard. Stick with something that is very simple. Just go with, if you give A' pig A' pancake, bitch,

[00:33:20] Chelsey Donn: Come

[00:33:21] Trey Gerrald: if you give A' chick A'. If you give A' Chick A', Cheerio,

[00:33:25] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. Okay.

[00:33:27] Trey Gerrald: All right, 'I. Think 'I can crown Eva. Marie, how do you

[00:33:29] Chelsey Donn: I'm ready.

[00:33:30] Trey Gerrald: All right. So ChelseyBD and 'I each have our own set of zero to five crown cards.

In an effort to be fair and not influenced by one another, we will simultaneously reveal our ratings.

[00:33:40] VOICEOVER: The Queens are Tabulating to school.

[00:33:49] Chelsey Donn: One crown and one crown. The Queens are unanimous. We did it again. 'I will start. 'I mean. This one crown. I'll just go ahead and say it. It's for Julia. That's it. crown is for Julia. This was zero Crowns and for inflation of A'. Julia. Count. 'I gave it one, but 'I can't give any crowns to Eva Marie cuz 'I just don't agree with the.

The whole assessment and 'I don't agree with the delivery. And 'I just 'I. It's yucky and messy and shady. And so that was why 'I went with One Crown. Uh, 'I. Hope you're in good therapy. Is that wrong to say 'I? Don't mean to pass judgment like that, but 'I 'I hope that you've worked through your issues with your mom, Julia, and you're okay since it's like 'I don't know, 11, 12 years later, and you're probably in college now.

All righty. So Trey, why one crown?

[00:34:41] Trey Gerrald: Yeah, 'I said one Crown as well. 'I mean 'I can hear. 'I can suss through 'I. It's saying more about Eva Marie than it is about the book. It's possible Eva. Marie's sense of humor is getting lost in the passage of time, and maybe it's A', little harsher coming. 'I don't know. It seems cuckoo bananas to.

[00:35:01] Chelsey Donn: Right.

[00:35:01] Trey Gerrald: one star is simply because 'I can hear that maybe the redundancy is annoying when you're A' parent and you just want your child to go to sleep and they're like, read it again.

And you're like, I'm repeating the same sentence over and over. What do you mean? But it's like, that's your journey. You chose to

[00:35:15] Chelsey Donn: But that's really more of A'. Complaint, yeah. About parenthood.

[00:35:18] Trey Gerrald: and you know, so maybe it's like gonna be an annoying book. You're gonna hate your life. 'I don't. 'I. Just think it's like A' children's book. Like if you give A' mouse A' cookie, like who cares?

But also the one crown, cuz it's A'. Really big swing and 'I appreciate um, Eva Marie's crazy, um, opinion here. It's kind of funny. So that's why 'I

[00:35:38] Chelsey Donn: Even when it's A', swing and A', miss

[00:35:40] Trey Gerrald: Yes. Literally. So that's why 'I said one star A'. Yeah. Yi.

[00:35:43] Chelsey Donn: Great. Love it when we're unanimous like that. It's great. That was fun 'I. Love A'. Good Reads review. I'm so glad you brought this in. Again. 'I had been A' while 'I was hoping that you were gonna bring in another one soon. 'I. Just love how passionate people

[00:35:58] Trey Gerrald: 'I know.

[00:35:59] Chelsey Donn: on that page.

[00:36:01] Trey Gerrald: Do you think that we should write A' Children's book called If you Give A' Queen A' cu qu

[00:36:08] Chelsey Donn: We could, or if you give, if you give A' Queen A' podcast

[00:36:13] Trey Gerrald: you give A' Queen A' quarter.

[00:36:15] Chelsey Donn: we could.

[00:36:16] Trey Gerrald: All right. My Queens, we have reached the most regal portion of our show. ChelseyBD, who are you inducting for?

[00:36:25] VOICEOVER: My Royal.

[00:36:27] Chelsey Donn: Trey. So I've been thinking about this for A' while, and it is time for me to induct pharmacy staff. Okay. Anyone that works at A' Pharmacy, I'm inducting you as My Royal Highness because 'I have A' theory that people are their worst selves, like the worst version of themselves at the. and at the pharmacy and 'I have

[00:36:51] Trey Gerrald: Mmm.

[00:36:52] Chelsey Donn: some just like nasty behavior from people that are going to the pharmacy and maybe their doctor wrote in the wrong prescription, or maybe there's something going on with their insurance and it's not accepting it.

Or maybe they, you know, think that they're supposed to have something that they don't have, or maybe they're trying to get something that they shouldn't get, but whatever the case may be. People are so angry and they take all of that anger out. On these pharmacy workers who are very important, you know, like, think about how critical they are.

You need your medication, you need something, and they are showing up to work every day to help you get what you need. And 'I don't think enough people. Are saying Thank you, 'I. Think they're complaining at them. So 'I wanted to take this platform, which is the only real platform that 'I have, and take this opportunity to say Thank you, pharmacy staff, 'I.

See you 'I. See what you deal with every day. It's not right. And 'I wanna take this time to say, 'I appreciate you and everything that you do for me, and so many people. So thank you, thank you, thank you. Yeah, thank you pharmacy staff. You're my Royal. High.

[00:38:08] Trey Gerrald: 'I mean A' way to hit the nail on the head. Yes. Like, hello, such an important job. They're like literally doing like decimal points and like, you know, magical. Science and like chopping and dealing with consul controlled substances. Like there's such A' level of integrity that's required and there's like such A' problem in this country with drugs and like they really are like on the front lines.

Not to mention we came, we this pandemic conversation and you're dealing with sickness and like. Keeping your immune system healthy while you're like

[00:38:41] Chelsey Donn: Flu shots.

[00:38:43] Trey Gerrald: Like all of it. 'I mean, it's really, and yes, like just managing energy on top of managing controlled substances, like just kudos.

Yes, kudos. Kudos.

[00:38:54] Chelsey Donn: Yes. Thank you so much,

[00:38:56] Trey Gerrald: All right. Well, ChelseyBD, do you think that we have A' little time left for A' Royal review?

[00:39:02] Chelsey Donn: We always have time for A'

[00:39:06] VOICEOVER: Maybe it's time for some. Yes.

[00:39:12] Trey Gerrald: All right, so today we have A' Royal Review from User Clean, John. on Apple Podcasts. So Clean. John spelled j A' W n Rights. Great. Listen, five stars. Trey and ChelseyBD have such great chemistry and 'I. Feel like 'I can listen to them all day.

[00:39:36] Chelsey Donn: Wow. Thank

[00:39:38] Trey Gerrald: That's so night. Wait, we were just talking about chemistry and

[00:39:41] Chelsey Donn: We were just talking about chemistry. Look at.

[00:39:44] Trey Gerrald: we're the pharmacists of podcast.

[00:39:47] Chelsey Donn: all roads lead back to chem to chemistry. If you give A' mouse A' pill 'I, don't know. Anyway, clean John

[00:39:53] Trey Gerrald: A' pharmacist A' pill,

[00:39:55] Chelsey Donn: 'I. Queen. John, thank you so much for your kind five star review. We really, really appreciate it. Uh, so glad that you enjoy listening to our show and you can pick up on this wonderful chemistry that Trey and 'I have.

'I am delighted to be able to share this show with you, Trey, and I'm delighted Queen John, that you enjoy listening to us.

[00:40:19] Trey Gerrald: Now let's go get our beakers and let's put some, uh, things under the microscope.

[00:40:24] Chelsey Donn: Ooh.

[00:40:25] Trey Gerrald: What else is


[00:40:26] Chelsey Donn: Better put that on A' Petri dish.

[00:40:28] Trey Gerrald: you go. Fungus, bacteria.

[00:40:32] Chelsey Donn: gross. There's fungus among

[00:40:33] Trey Gerrald: Fungus among us. All right, well thank you Clean John. We would appreciate it. And if you would like your chance listener to be featured as A' Royal reviewer, then please go ahead and leave us A' review on whatever podcast player you are currently listening to us on

[00:40:48] Chelsey Donn: Yes, but Apple Podcast does help A' lot. If you happen to wanna leave A' review there, just say it. We've made it super easy though with A' cute link. Love the Review Queen. That's love the Review Queen, which that's gonna tell you which players on your device offer platforms to leave reviews.

[00:41:15] Trey Gerrald: That's

[00:41:15] Chelsey Donn: So hit it up.

[00:41:16] Trey Gerrald: And you can also just click that little link in our show description below. It's 'I mean, it's


[00:41:21] Chelsey Donn: peasy.

[00:41:22] Trey Gerrald: Look at that. All right, well we did A' Queen. That is another round on the R u A' Crackhead RQ Ferris wheel of dangling crack rocks and slugs and water bugs. And we love you Ju. June

[00:41:33] Chelsey Donn: Oh my God. We are really meeting that explicit title that this podcast has, has earned. Thank you so much for joining us today. If you like what you heard, if you like give A' mouse A' cookie, then please tell A' friend.

[00:41:49] Trey Gerrald: If you didn't like what you heard, if you don't like, if you give A' mouse A' cookie, then tell an enemy.

[00:41:55] Chelsey Donn: To support the production of our show, visit Review That Review dot com slash donate. Where even A' $1 tip is much appreciated.

[00:42:03] Trey Gerrald: 'I mean we can't buy cookies for our mice if we don't have money in the cookie jar.

[00:42:08] Chelsey Donn: If you don't give A' Queen A' dollar

[00:42:11] Trey Gerrald: Give A' Queen A' times A' million. Join our mailing list at Review That Review dot com so that you can stay up to date with all of the goings on in the Queen

[00:42:19] Chelsey Donn: Hit up our voice mailbox. Be like Francis 1 8 50 review zero and return your shopping cards. All right, you can follow us on all the socials at the review Queens 'I am at ChelseyBD

[00:42:33] Trey Gerrald: and 'I am at Trey Gerrald.

[00:42:36] Chelsey Donn: on today's after show podcast. We are reading and reviewing A' four star review from Yelp for Clover Park in Santa Monica, California.

[00:42:48] Trey Gerrald: Ooh.

[00:42:49] Chelsey Donn: out what made Trey say

[00:42:53] Trey Gerrald: Oh my God. If 'I was A' mouse, 'I would be A' A' fat as A' Goose. And to find out what made ChelseyBD say,

[00:42:59] Chelsey Donn: that goes your social life. Yeah, of course. 'I thought of that immediately. 'I love. Clueless

[00:43:04] Trey Gerrald: Then you gotta become A' member of our Patreon over at Review That Review dot com slash Patreon so that you can hear our weekly members only after show companion podcast. Oh, and make sure you remember

[00:43:17] Chelsey Donn: Ignore the haters. You're A' Queen.

[00:43:20] Trey Gerrald: Jen non-specific Queen. I'm A'

[00:43:24] Chelsey Donn: that? Oh, you're eating A'. '

[00:43:25] Trey Gerrald: I. Mean A' A' Cookie.

[00:43:27] Chelsey Donn: Okay. All right. Bye Queens.

[00:43:29] Trey Gerrald: Bye Queens

Review That Review is an independent podcast. Certain names have been redacted or changed to protect the guilty. Executive produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound designed by me with voiceover talents by Eva Kaminsky. Our cover art was designed by LogoVora and our theme song was written by Joe Kinosian and sung by Natalie Weiss.

[00:43:50] Trey Gerrald: 'I just remembered when you told that story about how you had that mouse.

[00:43:58] Chelsey Donn: Oh my

[00:43:59] Trey Gerrald: That mouse was after your cookies,

[00:44:02] Chelsey Donn: A' That mouse was after Bella's cookies, actually. All right. Aaron Schroeder, if you're listening, hello and thank you.