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TRANSCRIPT of Episode 91: "Hellman's Real Mayonnaise"

Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald
Episode 91: "Hellman's Real Mayonnaise"


*Please pardon any and all spelling errors!

[00:00:00] THEME SONG: Everybody's got an opinion.

Every Californian and Virginian.

It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.

Someone's gotta settle the score.

Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!

Whose views win, which ones lose.

Online haters are comin' for you!

Baby, it's time to Review That Review!

[00:00:30] Chelsey Donn: Hello,

[00:00:32] Trey Gerrald: Oh, hi and hello. Welcome once again to Review That Review. The podcast dedicated to reviewing

[00:00:39] Chelsey Donn: reviews we're just like Siskel and Ebert, only instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we rate and review those hilarious, scathing, and sometimes suspicious online reviews,

[00:00:51] Trey Gerrald: that is Chelsey Donn,

[00:00:53] Chelsey Donn: and that is Trey Gerrald.

[00:00:56] Trey Gerrald: but when we come together, we are.

[00:00:58] VOICEOVER: The. Review. Queens.

[00:01:02] Trey Gerrald: And A' very special Cheerio to all of our members over on Patreon who get exclusive access to tons of bonuses, including our members only companion. After show podcast, which features additional reviews and tidbits, salacious stories, A' Bunch of fun. So go to Review That Review dot com slash Patreon if you have not joined yet.

Also, if you would like to support the show in an additional way, then go visit Review That Review dot com slash do. Nate ChelseyBD, happy March 1st

[00:01:36] Chelsey Donn: Happy March in like A' lion out like A' lamb, right? Isn't that, isn't that the whole thing?

[00:01:41] Trey Gerrald: ba, or is that A'? What's the difference between A' sheep and A'? Lamb?

[00:01:46] Chelsey Donn: 'I. Don't know. Oh god. Trey Mary had A' little lamb. Was that A' sheep? Are they interchangeable? Oh no. Lambs and sheeps are different. 'I don't know. Trey. Oh, is A' lamb? A' baby.

[00:01:58] Trey Gerrald: lambkin and sheep. Sw.

[00:02:00] Chelsey Donn: is A' lamb. A'

[00:02:01] Trey Gerrald: A'. M

[00:02:01] Chelsey Donn: is A'. Lamb. A'

[00:02:02] Trey Gerrald: No, they say you. U e w E. 'I. Dunno. We don't have the answer. Let's move off this topic. ChelseyBD, how is your,

[00:02:12] Chelsey Donn: Key differences Explained. Okay.

[00:02:15] Trey Gerrald: 'I tell.

[00:02:16] Chelsey Donn: different.

[00:02:16] Trey Gerrald: This is A' educational podcast.

[00:02:18] Chelsey Donn: Sheep is A', wooly, uh, mammal that is related to the goat and A' Lamb is A' young sheep that is under one year of age, so 'I was right.

[00:02:29] Trey Gerrald: Good job.

[00:02:31] Chelsey Donn: my week is good. You know, trudging A', long 'I went to A' breathwork Sound Healing Circle.

So that was way more my speed than going out. 'I did. But you know, 'I got to wear pajamas. 'I got to bring A' blanket. 'I was very comfortable. Did A', little bit of active breathing, which 'I think 'I needed.

[00:02:52] Trey Gerrald: did you fall asleep?

[00:02:53] Chelsey Donn: No, but 'I was in A'. Meditative state for sure. Are you drinking out of the soda stream?

[00:02:58] Trey Gerrald: sounds, yeah, because 'I, as 'I mentioned last week, 'I don't have

[00:03:03] Chelsey Donn: Still.

[00:03:03] Trey Gerrald: point in putting it in A' Cup.

[00:03:06] Chelsey Donn: Wow. Trey. Just thinking of you without ice brings me A'. Tremendous amount of sadness.

[00:03:13] Trey Gerrald: Thank you. Hopefully it'll be fixed.

[00:03:15] Chelsey Donn: 'I. Hope so, 'I. Hope. So. How has your, other than the fact that your ice is still not working, how has the rest of your week, Ben

[00:03:23] Trey Gerrald: Life's pretty good. You know, 'I love Spring cleaning. 'I. My allergies don't love it, but 'I love it. We got A' new comforter, which is very exciting. You know, we do have two dogs and they sleep in the bed with us like, judge, if you want 'I, don't care. But we had A' black comforter, and that's really challenging because you can see every little minuscule hair everywhere.

[00:03:44] Chelsey Donn: Black comforter is not the way to go black. Really anything. It's just it. You would think it would be, it would hide stains, which is gonna come up in my Complaint, but you know, it really shows everything.

[00:03:57] Trey Gerrald: Yeah, we, so we now have A' White Comforter, which I'm loving. It's so great. And yeah. You know, 'I love it. I'm, I'm happy it's still very cold, but 'I know that, you know, March brings closer to April, may Flowers. Uh, seasons

[00:04:17] Chelsey Donn: the computer freezing or is this your brain going offline?

[00:04:20] Trey Gerrald: It's me. It's me. 'I. Just know that we're getting closer to winter being over, which is nice. It's crazy to think like 'I also feel like January went so fast and then February always feels like A' fake month because it's so short. It's like, how are we already in March?

[00:04:36] Chelsey Donn: time just goes by so fast. Like 'I 'I. When 'I went to that, that party last week, 'I 'I saw this girl that 'I, guess 'I hadn't seen in A' while, and 'I was like, oh my God, you were pregnant the last time 'I saw you. Like how old is your baby now? And she was like two years old. And 'I was like,

[00:04:52] Trey Gerrald: Oh my

[00:04:52] Chelsey Donn: what happened two time?

Like what? That is wild.

[00:04:58] Trey Gerrald: remember when we were kids and it was like, 'I can't wait to graduate. Like, oh my gosh, 'I have to get through middle school and 'I have to get through high school and co. Like, it just felt like time went so

[00:05:09] Chelsey Donn: Time did, but it's like 'I guess time is relative right to your age and

[00:05:13] Trey Gerrald: Definitely.

[00:05:14] Chelsey Donn: they're not lying when they say time starts moving faster and faster. I've really, it's like the blink of an eye anyway. Speaking about things that are annoying, like time, do you have A', Complaint that you wanna Lodge? Trey? Do you need to?

[00:05:29] VOICEOVER: Lodge, A', Complaint.

[00:05:30] Trey Gerrald: 'I 'I. Definitely do. All right, so 'I, this just happened to me and 'I was thinking like, oh, this is so obnoxious. 'I cut myself so insanely on my laundry basket.

[00:05:45] Chelsey Donn: Is it wicker?

[00:05:46] Trey Gerrald: No, it's one like A' plastic laundry basket.

[00:05:49] Chelsey Donn: underneath like one of the like circular. You got like A' paper cut. You got A' paper cut, but with plastic.

[00:05:57] Trey Gerrald: So like 'I, this happens all the time. These are the like stair light or whatever, like laundry baskets and they're amazing. But 'I really have nicked or cut or scratched or scraped myself on these baskets. A' lot. But this one is so severe that like the minute and 'I was literally like putting laundry into the basket.

'I was taking it out of the dryer, putting it in the basket. And somehow like my finger like caught one of the little hole slits on the side and it literally like is A' deep gash.

[00:06:32] Chelsey Donn: Not. Okay.

[00:06:33] Trey Gerrald: was like, wow, this is really awful. And then the more 'I thought about it, 'I was like, wait, 'I 'I, like 'I actually cut myself A' lot on these baskets.

Why are the sides so sharp?

[00:06:45] Chelsey Donn: 'I. Not that we want anyone else to cut themselves, but is it time to donate the baskets and start A'? Start A' New

[00:06:51] Trey Gerrald: 'I mean they're not even old. Like

[00:06:54] Chelsey Donn: No 'I know. That's why I'm saying like donate them to somebody who would like, like them and then maybe we gotta get something else Trey,

[00:07:01] Trey Gerrald: what kind of baskets do you

[00:07:02] Chelsey Donn: much drama. 'I, don't U 'I have 'I, just use A' bag. 'I. Don't use A' basket. Does that make me uncivilized?

[00:07:09] Trey Gerrald: No. No, not at all.

[00:07:10] Chelsey Donn: but 'I do think that there are boxes that are me.

'I originally thought wicker, and then 'I was like, did one of the sticks. Like ye like 'I, don't know. They do make baskets out of other.

[00:07:21] Trey Gerrald: Materials,

[00:07:22] Chelsey Donn: be worth looking into. Just saying, cuz I've been there and it's like one of those things, especially when it's on your hand, that it's always gonna be in the way.

You know, every time you wash your hands it's like owie.

[00:07:33] Trey Gerrald: Yes. Every, literally every time 'I wash my hand, 'I feel it. And then even when I'm getting into bed, like 'I can feel it like, and it's A', deep gash. Like this is truly the definition of A' gash. That's insane. Wait, you were talking about wicker baskets. Did you have those growing up? Cuz we definitely had whisk

[00:07:49] Chelsey Donn: Yeah, we did. Yeah.

[00:07:52] Trey Gerrald: Yeah. 'I

[00:07:52] Chelsey Donn: Love A'. Wiggle

[00:07:53] Trey Gerrald: them that much.

[00:07:55] Chelsey Donn: Yeah.

[00:07:56] Trey Gerrald: that's my Complaint. 'I don't wanna get cut when I'm cleaning. ChelseyBD, what is your Complaint this week?

[00:08:01] Chelsey Donn: Okay, so my Complaint, again, like one of those 'I, guess 'I. Don't have anyone to blame but myself things. But just something that's really annoying is, you know, when you like get dressed and then you're like going to work and you're sort of in A' rush and you realize like, oh shoot, 'I haven't eaten anything.

So you like go to the fridge and maybe there's like 'I, don't know leftover pad tie or something and you're just like, sure, I'll take like A', little bit of this leftovers, and then you spill it on your garment and then you have A' stand on your garment and then you have to go get changed. 'I mean, why?

Why is this Murphy A' Murphy? Are you back? Why is it that this always happens to me? Like right when I'm about to run out the door? I'm not gonna leave the house looking like A' slob. So 'I have to do it, but it's just like annoying to me. Now. 'I have to wash that item that 'I didn't even wear for more than two seconds cuz it has A' stain on it now.

'I have to hope that that stain comes out cuz it's food. 'I can't deal with it right now cuz 'I need to run out the door. So it's gonna sit there for A' while

[00:08:59] Trey Gerrald: you know, when this, this really happens to me all the time. 'I, 'I have never formulated this until you just complained about it.

[00:09:08] Chelsey Donn: Uh huh.

[00:09:09] Trey Gerrald: This always happens to me with coffee cuz I'm often wanting to make A' little bit of coffee before 'I leave and it does happen. A' lot to me that 'I will, 'I will like be trying to drink it quick and it'll dribble A'.

[00:09:23] Chelsey Donn: was gonna say, it must be like the quickness with it. Cause I'm not like, like there's some people, I'm not gonna put anybody on blast, but some people in my family and my friends who, it's just like anytime they wear A' white shirt, they're staining. Like I'm not that kind of person. I'm not constantly staining myself.

It just feels like in these moments, 'I guess. Maybe it's the rushing,

[00:09:42] Trey Gerrald: 'I think so, but it happens to me all the time. And also 'I do like to, if I'm gonna be in the car for A', little bit 'I do like to have A' travel mug of coffee cuz 'I have A' problem. But 'I inevitably will Splish splash with that coffee and it's so frustrating.

[00:09:58] Chelsey Donn: So annoying and then like what 'I mean. There's been times when I've just been like, screw it. I'm gonna put the shirt like the inside out or not inside out. I'm gonna turn it around if I'm like wearing A' jacket, I've had to do that before cuz like when I've been drinking coffee in the car and 'I seen it and 'I don't have A' choice.


[00:10:15] Trey Gerrald: 'I. Hear you. That that is A' very annoying. Oh God. Well, I'm glad that we've survived it and that we've made it here safely

[00:10:22] Chelsey Donn: once again, we're like sort of lined up on our complaints cuz we're both sort of laundry adjacent.

[00:10:28] Trey Gerrald: Very

[00:10:29] Chelsey Donn: Right.

[00:10:30] Trey Gerrald: and A' couple of weeks back with the crumbs and

[00:10:32] Chelsey Donn: That's what I'm saying. We're very, we're of the same mind Trey. It's, it is, it's frightening and exciting at the same time.

[00:10:39] Trey Gerrald: Well, 'I wanna take this shared community of energy and launch into today's review cuz girl, you're not ready.

[00:10:49] Chelsey Donn: Oh my God, that makes me very excited. Please, can we jump in?

[00:10:53] Trey Gerrald: do.

[00:10:55] VOICEOVER: Review, That, Review.

[00:10:59] Chelsey Donn: As you know, we are your trustee. Review Queens. We bring in reviews from the internet that we feel need to be inspected.

[00:11:07] Trey Gerrald: We read you A' review. We break it down and we rate the impact of that review on A' scale from zero to five crowns. It's A', very regal process that we like to call.

[00:11:17] VOICEOVER: That, Kvetch.

[00:11:19] Chelsey Donn: Yes. And Trey, it is your turn to bring in A' review this week. So what have you got for us?

[00:11:25] Trey Gerrald: All right, so today 'I have A' four star Amazon Review, four Hellman's Real Mayonnaise,

[00:11:36] Chelsey Donn: Oh my God. Okay.

[00:11:41] Trey Gerrald: 'I. Don't remember A' why or how 'I found this, but thank God 'I did cuz we need to talk about manner.

[00:11:47] Chelsey Donn: Oh my god. 'I. 'I. We have A'. Lot of thoughts on mayonnaise, but we'll get into that after 'I guess.

[00:11:53] Trey Gerrald: So let me tell you, this is A' four star review written by the straw man.

[00:12:00] Chelsey Donn: V like Victor.

[00:12:02] Trey Gerrald: No, the t h

[00:12:03] Chelsey Donn: A' V the straw man.

[00:12:06] Trey Gerrald: Yes. And this was written on July 28th, 2015.

[00:12:11] Chelsey Donn: Okay.

[00:12:12] Trey Gerrald: And important to note, it does say in green font. Vine customer review of free product.

[00:12:21] Chelsey Donn: Okay. Interesting. All right, so this was A' coerced review to some regard.

[00:12:27] Trey Gerrald: Right? And 'I don't think Vine exists anymore.

[00:12:29] Chelsey Donn: Okay.

[00:12:30] Trey Gerrald: So this is for Hellmann's real mayonnaise 11

[00:12:34] Chelsey Donn: like the app? Like the video app.

[00:12:36] Trey Gerrald: That's what I'm

[00:12:37] Chelsey Donn: Oh, okay. Weird.

[00:12:40] Trey Gerrald: Hey, hey, hey. It's Trey from the editing bay. All right. While editing this episode, 'I have done A' little more research. Whenever you see the vine voice badge and green letters on Amazon, it refers to the program called Amazon Vine.

Not that six second video app that Instagram destroyed. Amazon Vine is A' program that gives customers free products in exchange for reviews on their site. It does not necessarily mean that they're coerced. If you leave A' negative review, it doesn't impact your score and Amazon reserves the right to ask for you to ship the product back.

You also cannot, according to npr, sell those items as A' secondhand offer. It is an invitation only program. They're A' little hazy on their requirements, but we do know that Amazon looks for the reviewer's ranking, which means how many times they get A' helpful vote on A' review demonstrated expertise in one specific product category, and an interest in products that are similar to those they collect in the Vine program.

Okay, so now you know, and as the episode continues, anytime we talk about the app, just giggle. Ha ha. They're so stupid. They didn't do any research. But now 'I have Love you. Bye.

[00:13:49] Chelsey Donn: All right. Go ahead.

[00:13:50] Trey Gerrald: So this is for Hellmann's real mayonnaise size 11 and A' half fluid ounces, pack of one. Here we go. Subject is more control over how you make your sandwich.

[00:14:05] Chelsey Donn: Okay.

[00:14:07] Trey Gerrald: And here is the straws four star review. When it comes to mayonnaise, 'I think that Hellman's is pretty much A' staple. Although 'I do enjoy the flavor of craft. There have been many new incarnations of mayo recently, Chipotle olive oil, and low fat, just to name A'. Well, this time it isn't the flavor that is being revamped, rather the packaging, this container is A' squeeze tube of mayonnaise. The idea here is to have better control over placement on sandwiches and whatnot. 'I can say without A' doubt, this has reinvented ketchup since most. The packaging for ketchup now is the squeeze bottle. 'I have to say, for the most part, this squeeze bottle is A' success. However, 'I noticed that the consistency of the mayo seemed A', bit creamier than that of what comes out of A', standard jar of Mayo. 'I believe the reason for this is that if the substance was too thick, it wouldn't come out of the tube. As for taste, 'I, notice A', slight and 'I mean slight difference in taste. This isn't A' bad thing. It is just my observation as for control when applying well, it is spot on 'I was able to get the correct amount out of the bottle and no gross dripping.

'I used this mayo for both sandwiches and making tuna fish salad. The application on bread was great. 'I was able to apply and didn't need to use A' knife to spread it on the. As for the tuna salad, 'I felt like 'I needed to use more from this container than 'I would have from A' regular jar of Mayo. 'I believe that is due to the fact that the product itself was creamier than standard Mayo.

Overall A' nice product. Yet 'I wouldn't stop using the stuff out of the.

[00:16:36] Chelsey Donn: 'I

[00:16:36] Trey Gerrald: 'I feel this product is ideal only for making sandwiches. And this might seem like nitpicking, but the container is 11.5 ounces. Come on and just make it an even 12 ounces. Is it really hurting anyone?

[00:17:00] Chelsey Donn: Oh wow. Okay, so this is 11.5 ounces.

[00:17:06] Trey Gerrald: Yes,

[00:17:08] Chelsey Donn: Wow, that was quite A' review Donn. Don't think I've ever heard anyone get so in depth about reviewing mayonnaise. What 'I kept wondering is like, does anybody not know what A' squeeze bottle does? Like A', lot of this stuff felt very intuitive that like, you know, the, the, the straw man was like, let me explain to you what happens when you squeeze A' tube.

Like, 'I. Very odd. Um, but cool.

[00:17:38] Trey Gerrald: You know, 'I. A', okay. 'I wanted to bring this in for like eight different reasons and they're all because of you. So like why 'I think this is so funny? Because oftentimes when we are reviewing stupid products on Amazon, you always mention. We know what it is. We're buying it on Amazon. So 'I thought it was interesting cuz this is 2015 'I.

Don't remember when ketchup bottles switched from being the glass jars to the squeeze bottles. 'I do remember those jars of mayonnaise and they do tend to be squeezy now. So 'I was like,

[00:18:14] Chelsey Donn: But they still make the jar.

[00:18:15] Trey Gerrald: They still make the jars. Yes. 'I was like, oh, maybe this is A' time capsule of when that switch was happening.

Okay. But

[00:18:24] Chelsey Donn: like, yeah, like maybe it was more exciting in 2015. 'I don't know.

[00:18:28] Trey Gerrald: but you know what 'I think is really fascinating to me. This really feels like an essay that 'I would have written an English class in the ninth grade. And the reason 'I say that is because.

[00:18:41] Chelsey Donn: love Mayo

[00:18:42] Trey Gerrald: No, no, no, no. The straw man is basically saying nothing in this review,

[00:18:47] Chelsey Donn: Right.

[00:18:48] Trey Gerrald: but repeats it over and over and over.

[00:18:52] Chelsey Donn: For sure. What was 'I gonna say? Like, is it creamier than A'? Is it

[00:18:58] Trey Gerrald: if 'I, if it was because if it wasn't creamier 'I, think it would be hard to get it out of the tube.

[00:19:04] Chelsey Donn: Oh my. The fact

[00:19:05] Trey Gerrald: 'I use it for making sandwiches.

[00:19:07] Chelsey Donn: And it was creamier than the standard. We know it was creamier than the standard. We definitely brought that up A' few times, which is interesting. 'I did think that was an interesting point.

Okay. Like 'I, don't know why. Here's A' thing. 'I. Gotta be honest guys. So 'I don't really have A' problem with mayonnaise. Like 'I will use mayonnaise and things. I'm like 'I have A'. Little bit of A' ski factor, but like not, not really. I've gotten, got A' gotten over it. My dad. Has like A' near fear of mayonnaise. think he claimed that he like got stuck behind A' Hellman's truck one time that had been an accident and there was like the smell of Hellman's everywhere. 'I don't know if that was A' lie or not. Either way, the man is like terrified of mayonnaise. He will not eat mayonnaise. He will not eat anything that is even remotely creamy because he thinks it's possible that there's mayonnaise.

In it. One time we went to A' restaurant in Big Sur. We were, my parents and 'I were driving up the coast and we stopped at this restaurant. He ordered A' sandwich. He specifically told them no mayonnaise. He took A'. Huge bite of the sandwich. and there was mayonnaise on it and he like immediately like spit it out.

It was like A' whole show. He was so upset. 'I. Think he did bring him A' new sandwich, but it was like he was beside himself. Like, what if 'I had an allergy? So 'I just wanna point out that there's like A', lot of the population 'I wanna say that has this ski response. Which 'I would imagine would be almost exemplified by the squeeze bottle cuz 'I can imagine it being like A'.

You know what 'I mean? Like the sound of it coming out of the squeeze bottle. I'm sure there's gotta be other people that are list listeners. If you have an issue with mayonnaise, you can call in and tell us about it. 1 8 5 0 review. Zero. But 'I wanna point out that straw man is not one of those people.

[00:21:01] Trey Gerrald: No straw, very much A' proponent.

[00:21:03] Chelsey Donn: Really likes mayonnaise. So 'I do think that if the strawman were to write 'I, think the strawman is the right person for this review. Which makes me wonder, maybe they were A' huge vine star that used A' lot of mayo or something like that because they do seem to be able to speak with passion about the mayonnaise, which 'I think not everybody could do,

[00:21:24] Trey Gerrald: Yeah. 'I. Yeah, 'I agree. You know, my sister is someone who hates mayonnaise as

[00:21:28] Chelsey Donn: Oh, really?

[00:21:29] Trey Gerrald: And yeah. And I'm hearing now like 'I really don't like sour cream, and I'm noticing sour cream and mayonnaise are kind of similar, like in, um, consistency and color and look.

[00:21:41] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. My dad wouldn't eat. He definitely wouldn't eat tower cream either.

[00:21:44] Trey Gerrald: 'I don't need soap cream. 'I think it's really

[00:21:46] Chelsey Donn: Yeah.

but 'I think he would eat yogurt. 'I. Think. Yeah.

[00:21:49] Trey Gerrald: Okay. Right. There are some yogurt. It's like 'I can't do Chobani. Chobani is too gross to me. But 'I like Faye,

[00:21:55] Chelsey Donn: All right. There you

[00:21:56] Trey Gerrald: here nor there. But 'I do love mayonnaise like, but 'I. 'I, like A', little A' little mayonnaise. 'I am someone that doesn't want,

[00:22:04] Chelsey Donn: 'I don't want

[00:22:04] Trey Gerrald: squeeze.

A' sandwich. Yeah. 'I don't want it squirting out of the

[00:22:08] Chelsey Donn: Uhuh.

[00:22:08] Trey Gerrald: No, but 'I love like potato salad. 'I love egg salad. It's my favorite thing about the high

[00:22:14] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. Yeah. 'I the same. 'I. I'm A'. Big ex salad girl.

[00:22:18] Trey Gerrald: Wait, does your dad like cream cheese,

[00:22:20] Chelsey Donn: 'I. Think

[00:22:21] Trey Gerrald: like on bagels?

[00:22:22] Chelsey Donn: 'I. Think. No. 'I Feel like 'I just found that that out recently that he.

[00:22:26] Trey Gerrald: 'I love cream cheese.

[00:22:28] Chelsey Donn: He doesn't, so,

[00:22:29] Trey Gerrald: Okay. Wait, growing up, did you have, did you have mayonnaise in your fridge? Like were you able to put it on sandwiches?

[00:22:35] Chelsey Donn: Yes, because my mom, 'I. 'I don't 'I. 'I. 'I. How do 'I say this without coming up? Obnoxious 'I. Don't think it's A'. Very Jewish thing to put mayonnaise on sandwiches unless it's like A' tuna salad or an egg salad. You know, we're not it like for us it was A' much more common to put mustard. on like A' Turkey or something like that.

It would be mustard. Like we wouldn't put Mayo was only when 'I got like older and 'I started going to the bodegas myself. That 'I would be like A' mustard, little Mayo. But that was sort of like, we never did that growing up cuz that was like adding extra fat to the San 'I. Don't know. It was just like, not something that was done in our household, but we definitely ha we made chicken salad, egg salad, like we used mayonnaise in things that me and my mom and my sister were going to eat, but my dad wasn't.

[00:23:25] Trey Gerrald: My mind is blown at this because is that A'? Is that A' cultural thing? Because we didn't really do mustard. We did mayonnaise.

[00:23:31] Chelsey Donn: 'I think it is? Yes. Cuz it's like white bread with like May and A'. Like it's just like A'. Very

[00:23:37] Trey Gerrald: Wait listener right now. If you are listening to this, will you please reach out to us? You, you don't have to call if you don't want to. Will you DM us? Will you just like comment on Instagram, 'I? Is anything coming up for you in this conversation? Listener about mayonnaise being cultural?

[00:23:53] Chelsey Donn: Are you A' Mayo family? Are you A' mustard family? Was it like A' thing in your household? Mayo versus mustard?

[00:24:00] Trey Gerrald: also have A'. Question for you. What was the brand growing

[00:24:03] Chelsey Donn: It was always helmets.

[00:24:05] Trey Gerrald: really?

[00:24:06] Chelsey Donn: it's gotta be helmets. Yes. Hells is the

[00:24:09] Trey Gerrald: my mom was always Miracle Web.

[00:24:12] Chelsey Donn: Oh, Trey

[00:24:14] Trey Gerrald: Yeah,

[00:24:15] Chelsey Donn: Miracle Whip is not mayonnaise. Miracle Whip A' is like the margarine to to to

[00:24:23] Trey Gerrald: Well that you just answered my question before 'I

[00:24:25] Chelsey Donn: know, like butter is to marg. Butter is to margarine as miracle Whip is to

[00:24:30] Trey Gerrald: And we always were margarine as well, but

[00:24:33] Chelsey Donn: Do it really.

[00:24:34] Trey Gerrald: southern 'I come from A' trashy southern family. So. Okay. But that was, you answered my question because 'I want to say, what is real mayonnaise? Why is it Hellman's real mayonnaise and 'I?

Guess it's

[00:24:46] Chelsey Donn: 'I was gonna say 'I do like that it's real. Yeah. That it says because it's like 'I. Guess the actually eggs or what? 'I don't know. 'I don't know. The point is this is A'. Lot of discussion about mayonnaise. What is the back to the review. What is the reinvented ketchup line? Cuz 'I. 'I like got A' little bit confused cuz we were like talking about mayonnaise so much and then they're like reinvented.

Was that like A' moment aside of just now we're just reviewing squeeze bottles in general and it's like squeeze bottle. You did it for the ketchup and you did it again for the mayo.

[00:25:18] Trey Gerrald: it sound sounds to me like it's A', non-sequitur word count so that they have enough to meet the minimum. But yes, they're basically saying like they have reinvented ketchup by doing the squeeze bottle. And so I'm seeing that we're now doing that with Mayo. It's basically 'I think

[00:25:31] Chelsey Donn: Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. Fair. Fair.

[00:25:34] Trey Gerrald: Spelling and grammar is really spot on for the most part. There is A' point where 'I think they, like they, there's some typo or something cuz the sentence doesn't make. And then also there's one part where 'I think they leave out A', comma, cuz it says, as for taste, 'I, notice A', slight and 'I mean slight difference in taste.

'I think there would be 'I notice A', slight comma and 'I mean slight,

[00:25:55] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. 'I feel like that's, Nitpicky like 'I. Think that 'I think we can give them A', high grade on spelling and grammar.

[00:26:04] Trey Gerrald: Yeah.

[00:26:05] Chelsey Donn: But there's definitely A', lot of redundancy.

[00:26:07] Trey Gerrald: It's very, it's very fluff. It just feels very fluff.

[00:26:12] Chelsey Donn: really this review could have just been like 'I, like it, it seems A', little creamier than the regular version. The application is definitely great for sandwiches, not as much for the other one. Wish it was bigger.

[00:26:22] Trey Gerrald: Do we think that they're being truthful or shady?

[00:26:24] Chelsey Donn: 'I 'I think they're being truthful. 'I mean they're like 'I. Just think this must be someone who's passionate about mayonnaise. 'I don't know.

[00:26:32] Trey Gerrald: 'I do believe that. They think it seems creamier like 'I. Think that's true.

[00:26:37] Chelsey Donn: and them saying slight 'I mean slight 'I. Think they're acknowledging, they're like, they got A' really refined mayonnaise palette because

[00:26:46] Trey Gerrald: but they made it four stars for that.

[00:26:49] Chelsey Donn: cuz it was just slight.

[00:26:50] Trey Gerrald: if it's that slight, is that worthy of A'? Full star

[00:26:54] Chelsey Donn: To them 'I. Guess it to me, 'I thought 'I was A'. Very inter 'I. Don't think 'I have ever heard anybody that used A' squeeze mayonnaise and then thought, you know what? I'm gonna keep buying the squeeze mayonnaise, but I'm also gonna buy the

[00:27:09] Trey Gerrald: The jar. Yeah.

[00:27:11] Chelsey Donn: jar like 'I. Think that that is interesting to me.

Like that's like A' heavy Mayo user. Although maybe like 'I, like when you're making chicken salad or egg salad, maybe you really do just kind of like wanna go in there and grab A', spoonful, 'I. Don't know. Maybe it does make sense, but 'I

[00:27:29] Trey Gerrald: speaking of nitpicking, ending with the whole point about like, why are you skimping out of the five ounces? Just make it 12 'I. Think that's just like very silly and.

[00:27:40] Chelsey Donn: Yeah,

[00:27:41] Trey Gerrald: And then 'I also like in this whole conversation about like A' time capsule, like is this when the mayonnaise industry started switching to incorporating the squeeze?

Because it doesn't seem that outrageous to me as it did when there were companies that were creating squeeze bottle jelly and jam.

[00:28:01] Chelsey Donn: right?

[00:28:02] Trey Gerrald: like 'I is also like neither here nor there, but then when the company started doing peanut butter and jelly together in A' jar, that is outrageous. What are you doing?

This is crazy. That's too far.

[00:28:14] Chelsey Donn: too far. You've gotten too, what was, what is that called? 'I? Forgot. There's A' name for that. 'I. Can't remember. Anyway.

[00:28:19] Trey Gerrald: Okay. Humor. Is there humor in this 'I

[00:28:22] Chelsey Donn: 'I. Mean 'I. Thought it was funny, only because 'I think it's so funny that somebody would like wax so poetic

[00:28:28] Trey Gerrald: about

[00:28:29] Chelsey Donn: mayonnaise and then also just like go in such A' specificity with like, and then you're gonna squeeze it, which turns out to be the perfect way to apply it to the bread without A' knife.

Like, you know, just like so many things were so funny to me. Um, You know the control when you're applying it. No gross stripping, like so much passion 'I feel like went into this review. 'I just left wondering as 'I often am and as you sort of called me out for. Before I'm, I'm left wondering, like, I've gone to Amazon, I'm going to buy this product, 'I probably know what it is.

I'm gonna read the reviews anyway. Am 'I like learning something from this review or is everything that's stated pretty obvious?

[00:29:20] Trey Gerrald: Oh well that's right. This time capsule thing. But then I'm also hearing cuz 'I don't know much about mayonnaise like 'I. I'm not someone that's like 'I have to buy A' me whip cuz my mom always had A' me. Like for some reason now I'm gonna be vulnerable here and I'm gonna share the yellow emblem of Hellmann's feels A' little.

off putting to me 'I. Don't know what this is. I've never formulated this thought before, but 'I think. 'I genuinely buy craft. If I'm gonna buy mayonnaise and 'I, think there's something that feels A' little stark about the hellmann's. LogoVora. It feels A'. Little 'I not cold. It feels like bla 'I. Don't know.

It's something about it feels A'. Little like not 'I. Don't know what the word is. It 'I. Don't know 'I that I'm hearing.

[00:30:05] Chelsey Donn: had the Hellmann's light, which was A' Blue

[00:30:08] Trey Gerrald: Oh,

[00:30:09] Chelsey Donn: which was like, even 'I, mean 'I. Don't, to be frank, 'I don't use if I'm, when 'I buy mayonnaise at this point, because I'm like, A' bougie, adult 'I get like the 365 organic mayonnaise or like, you know, 'I 'I try to go like organic and non canola, oil based.

[00:30:26] Trey Gerrald: right. Yes.

[00:30:27] Chelsey Donn: But again, like everybody is looking for something different. 'I, think for A'. Lot of people, it's like if you're going there and you're putting mayonnaise

[00:30:34] Trey Gerrald: as well get the real

[00:30:35] Chelsey Donn: you might as well get the helmets, you know, or what, you

[00:30:38] Trey Gerrald: Oh, my point here is that I'm hearing I've never considered like this random non-sequitur at the very beginning is like 'I do enjoy the flavor of craft. So I'm like, oh. So like if I'm going to the reviews to sort of learn about helmets, then maybe I'm sort of like, oh, this is sort of like the staple, the gold standard, but maybe 'I should look at craft 'I.

Don't know. I'm just 'I. Mean. We're talking about A' review, about A', squeeze bottle of mayonnaise, like it's

[00:31:02] Chelsey Donn: A' four star review about mayonnaise, but you know, also non-sequitur. But when you think, when you hear mayonnaise, do you think of Doug like Patty or the Mayonnaises? For me. Whoa.

[00:31:14] Trey Gerrald: No, but 'I loved Patty Manness,

[00:31:16] Chelsey Donn: Love Patty Mayonnaise.

[00:31:18] Trey Gerrald: common fluke, typical

[00:31:20] Chelsey Donn: Well 'I, mean 'I do think that it's common and that the snowman is speaking for the people.

When they say 'I, guess like. Straw. Sorry. The straw man. The straw man. . The straw man is speaking for the people when he's talking about like the ease of making the sandwiches. Because 'I do think that, like that's A' common experience. Like if this were, if this were, like you were saying, some sort of novelty and 'I was A' parent, and 'I was making like 10 sandwiches A' day, and this product meant that 'I didn't have to pull out A' knife, like that would be pretty cool.

So 'I think that that's like maybe A' common reaction if we're gonna go with 2015 was the year that this product hit the market, maybe.

[00:32:06] Trey Gerrald: Well, 'I don't know if that's true, but that's where this review's from

[00:32:09] Chelsey Donn: Right. But we think that this assumption might be

[00:32:12] Trey Gerrald: 'I think

[00:32:13] Chelsey Donn: seven years ago it was like just becoming A' little bit more normal to have A' squeeze mayonnaise. Yeah.

[00:32:21] Trey Gerrald: So like is there any impact for you or is this A' deal breaker? Like are there like this four star review that's just talking about the squeeze

[00:32:28] Chelsey Donn: 'I did think that like for A', second when straw man,

[00:32:34] Trey Gerrald: The straw man,

[00:32:35] Chelsey Donn: the straw man. Thank you

[00:32:37] Trey Gerrald: you

[00:32:38] Chelsey Donn: for A' second when this. 'I know the, when the straw man talked about the creaminess, even though they brought it up A' lot 'I did sort of think that that was interesting. Like it didn't bother me, but it did like get my wheels turning A' little bit to like, oh 'I, wonder if they do have to change, like the consistency A' little bit when you're squirting it out of A' bottle versus scooping it out of A' jar.

[00:33:05] Trey Gerrald: That is true because like with the squeeze bottle, you really can't! shake it and you can hear it moving around, sloshing around. But when you think back to those jars, if you shook the jar, it's not going anywhere.

[00:33:15] Chelsey Donn: Like it's like pre Exactly. It's like pretty

[00:33:17] Trey Gerrald: probably is different.

[00:33:18] Chelsey Donn: Right. They probably did have to like liquefy

[00:33:21] Trey Gerrald: more olive oil or whatever

[00:33:23] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. Yeah. Which maybe made it creamier, but that doesn't, creamier is usually better in my book, so creaminess doesn't really bother me. But 'I did think it was an interesting observation.

So I'll give the straw man that.

[00:33:41] Trey Gerrald: 'I. Think 'I can crown the straw man. How are you feeling? 'I.

[00:33:47] Chelsey Donn: 'I am feeling conflicted. I'm not gonna lie, like 'I, 'I don't really know how to go into this, this starring cuz it is just one of those products that feels so obvious.

[00:33:58] Trey Gerrald: but take yourself back or not. 'I mean like in 2015, like if you had never had A', squeezy, bottle of mayonnaise. 'I mean it's such A'. Little investment, but like,

[00:34:07] Chelsey Donn: All right, I'll take myself back.

[00:34:09] Trey Gerrald: but also like what is the situation about the Vine? Customer review of A' free product. Like,

[00:34:16] Chelsey Donn: Oh, good point.

[00:34:17] Trey Gerrald: like 'I mean. Now I'm getting into my

[00:34:20] Chelsey Donn: All right. All right. Yeah, yeah. All right. Okay. Let's crown.

[00:34:23] Trey Gerrald: All right. So ChelseyBD and 'I each have our own set of zero to five crown cards. In an effort to be fair and not influence one another, we will simultaneously reveal our rating.

[00:34:33] VOICEOVER: Queens are Tabulating school.

[00:34:41] Chelsey Donn: Okay, I'm holding up four crowns. Trey is holding up three and A' half crowns for the straw man. 'I, you know, 'I think 'I was being A'. Little bit overly generous with the four crowns, especially when you mentioned that this could potentially be A' coerced review. That being said, like 'I did kind of get A' chuckle out of it, and if nothing else, the straw man.

Did some due diligence here, really explaining the different applications, the consistency of the product, the lack of needing A' knife, 'I mean, even though it's funny in this day and age, cuz it seems like so obvious if I'm gonna separate that out and think maybe it wasn't as obvious, you know, seven years ago, eight years ago, at this point, 'I think I'm gonna give the straw man credit for at very least writing.

A' thought out, right? Well spelled pretty good grammar review even if it was coerced, like there was definitely some time 'I think, and some, some spell check and some rereads, right? That probably went into making this review. And for that reason, 'I went with four crowns for the strawman. Why did you go three and A'?


[00:35:55] Trey Gerrald: So I'm just really conflicted because like I'm trying to consider like, is this just A' time capsule? And like it's irrelevant today. Also, like it is really weird to write this long of A' review on mayonnaise. Also, why is Hellmans giving out like free products for reviews like it's mayonnaise, like, is that industry that competitive 'I mean maybe, but 'I and 'I cannot get over the fact that 'I feel.

For whatever reason, the straw man was really embellishing the review to be longer than it actually is. Like it, it look, it reads longer than

[00:36:29] Chelsey Donn: like an asset.

[00:36:30] Trey Gerrald: information inside of it. Like 'I do think they're being very redundant. They're really just saying nonsense things. It's all fluff, but 'I kind of think it's funny and 'I appreciate, like I've never considered the different taste of mayonnaise, nec, I've just never thought much.

And like, so 'I said three and A' half. Cuz it really feels very middle to me. Like 'I. Think it was A' free product. 'I mean we know it was A' free product. So like, you know, the four start like 'I don't know. It's like this is A' review mayonnaise, what are we doing?

[00:36:59] Chelsey Donn: What are we, what are we doing? We are reviewing A' Review of mayonnaise. Trey.

[00:37:03] Trey Gerrald: 'I but 'I think it's really funny. And 'I. 'I. But 'I think it's bizarre that they randomly are like, like 'I. Think they just needed more words. So they were like, also like, why is it 11 and A' half ounces? Like, like it just 'I. Don't understand what's happening. The strong man. Who are you? What's happening?

[00:37:20] Chelsey Donn: who are you? What's happening? Where am 'I? What's going

[00:37:22] Trey Gerrald: should we do A' taste test on mayonnaise?

[00:37:26] Chelsey Donn: 'I, that sounds so gross to me.

[00:37:29] Trey Gerrald: Is that must be someone's job.

[00:37:32] Chelsey Donn: Someone, yes, there is someone who's, who has that job and 'I hope that that person really, really likes mayonnaise, right? Yeah.

[00:37:42] Trey Gerrald: All right, well, there we go. Hells Hammonds. Real mayonnaise 'I cannot wait for all of the social media posts about mayonnaise

[00:37:53] Chelsey Donn: Oh my God, I'm about to be creative.

[00:37:57] Trey Gerrald: All right, well, that's it. There we go. We did

[00:37:59] Chelsey Donn: Okay. We did it.

[00:38:02] Trey Gerrald: we have reached the most regal portion of our show. Who are you inducting today? Four.

[00:38:09] VOICEOVER: My Royal.

[00:38:11] Chelsey Donn: Trey 'I Am so glad you asked. 'I wanna take this opportunity to maybe intro A' new segment on the show, if

[00:38:18] Trey Gerrald: Woo.

[00:38:19] Chelsey Donn: Woo woo. New segment alert. I'm gonna call this our Royal patron slash our Cheerio cheer. And 'I wanna take an opportunity to call out one of our Patreon Queens. And this week I'd like to mention Francis Fields.

Francis, thank you so much. You've been so supportive and so incredible, and thank you for joining us in our Patreon community. Francis has said she'd like to take this opportunity because she's such A' Queen, to give this platform to community theater, specifically the Aiken Community Theater, where Francis.

Directed A' Production of the Lion, the witch in the wardrobe. Congratulations to the cast and crew. We hope that you had an amazing run. If you are listening to this, please remember to support live theater. It is more important than ever. We know that we haven't been getting out as much, but obviously, This is A' tremendous asset.

Being able to see live theater, be A' part of the community, support the people that are dedicating their lives to this craft and really connect with the magic of the stage, which obviously Trey and 'I can both relate to and so can Francis. So Francis, thank you for reminding us to support live theater, right? You the best Queen.

[00:39:43] Trey Gerrald: thank you Francis. And you know, this is one of the perks that happens when you become A' patron at A' certain tier like Francis is that we get to shout you out and give you the opportunity to induct something. So thank you, Francis. We both love you and Francis is A' very active member as ChelseyBD was saying, and it's definitely noticed and we appreciate you and yes, come on actors.

Come on, let's do it. Let's change the world through art. Hello.

[00:40:12] Chelsey Donn: Hello?

[00:40:13] Trey Gerrald: If mayonnaise can change, so can we.

[00:40:16] Chelsey Donn: That's right. Don't put us in A' bottle though.

[00:40:19] Trey Gerrald: Don't squeeze us. Don't cram

[00:40:20] Chelsey Donn: Don't squeeze. Don't what? What?

[00:40:24] Trey Gerrald: We are the Queens of Segueways. I'll tell you that.

[00:40:27] Chelsey Donn: we A'. You know, we're gonna try. And that's what makes theater great is that there's trying, and if you at Fit first, you don't succeed.

[00:40:38] Trey Gerrald: Try and try. A' mayonnaise

[00:40:41] Chelsey Donn: That's right. Exactly.

[00:40:44] Trey Gerrald: We love you Francis. Thank you for being A' supporter. Join our Patreon so you can get A'. Shout out too and help, you know, promote things that are important in your life. We love you all. So that's it. Queen. We did A'. That's another round on the R you A' creamy tube rq. Ferris Wheel of Snowman.

Strawman the.

[00:41:02] Chelsey Donn: Oh my God, I'm sorry. The straw man. 'I my, my deepest condolences. Thank you for joining us today, and if you like what you heard, please share the podcast with A' friend. It's not that hard, right? Just do it. Just tell A' friend phone, A' friend.

[00:41:18] Trey Gerrald: And if you didn't like what you heard, please share the show with an enemy.

[00:41:22] Chelsey Donn: It's not that hard. Phone and enemy,

[00:41:24] Trey Gerrald: A'. Friend do it. Phone an enemy

[00:41:26] Chelsey Donn: phone and enemy to support the production of our femini. To support the production A' of our support, the production of our show, visit Review That Review dot com slash donate or even A'. $1 tip is much appreci.

[00:41:44] Trey Gerrald: Don't forget to join our mailing list at Review That Review dot com so that you can stay up to date with all of the goings on in our Queen.

[00:41:50] Chelsey Donn: And hit up our voice mailbox 1 8 50 review zero. You can also follow us on all the socials at the Review Queen. 'I am at ChelseyBD.

[00:42:01] Trey Gerrald: And 'I am at Trey Gerrald. But do call in y'all cuz 'I want to hear about your mayonnaise stories? I'm actually 'I am very serious.

[00:42:08] Chelsey Donn: was gonna say, don't forget to slide into our dms and or A' call and let us know, are you A' mustard? Are you A' Mayo? Are you A' mustard and A' mayo? Where are you? Where did you

[00:42:16] Trey Gerrald: or did you

[00:42:17] Chelsey Donn: How did you grow up? How were you raised? Were you raised in the north? Were you raised in the south? Yeah.

[00:42:22] Trey Gerrald: from Texas? Like are you in the Midwest? Like what's happen?

[00:42:25] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. Can you make it in A' boat? Can you make it in A'? . Mm-hmm. Mayonnaise. On today's after show Pod, we are rating and reviewing A' from TripAdvisor, of course, for the Eiffel Tower viewing deck in Las Vegas, Nevada.

[00:42:48] Trey Gerrald: What,

[00:42:50] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. Had you there for A'? Second. So to find out what made Trey say,

[00:42:58] Trey Gerrald: wait, do you remember Balone? And to find out what made ChelseyBD say

[00:43:03] Chelsey Donn: You love butterscotch, dumb Johns

[00:43:06] Trey Gerrald: then Queen, come on. Become A' member of our Patreon over at Review That Review dot com slash Patreon so that you get access to that weekly members only after show companion podcast

[00:43:19] Chelsey Donn: And so that we can talk about you on the show and give A' shout out to something that you really care about. Like live theater, right?

[00:43:27] Trey Gerrald: the bottles A' mayonnaise.

[00:43:28] Chelsey Donn: bottles of Mayonnaises.

[00:43:29] Trey Gerrald: Do you want us to revoke our opinion about the PBJ jars?

[00:43:34] Chelsey Donn: because you're passionate about it. You wanna hear Trey have to say out of his mouth how much he loves the peanut butter jelly combo.

[00:43:42] Trey Gerrald: Yeah,

[00:43:43] Chelsey Donn: Become A' Patreon member.

[00:43:45] Trey Gerrald: Oh, and remember

[00:43:46] Chelsey Donn: Ignore the haters. You're A', squeezable, mayonnaise, Queen.

[00:43:51] Trey Gerrald: gender non specific visible mayonnaise Queen. Bye.

Review That Review is an independent podcast. Certain names have been redacted or changed to protect the guilty. Executive produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound designed by me with voiceover talents by Eva Kaminsky. Our cover art was designed by LogoVora and our theme song was written by Joe Kinosian and sung by Natalie Weiss.

[00:44:14] Chelsey Donn: You know what was like A' real turning point for me in like my mayonnaise evolution, Deese. Deese. Really what? Oh my God. Trey. This was like 'I. Think when we were in middle school or something. They came up with Deese, which was half Dijon mustard, half mayonnaise, and it was the only way that 'I could 'I could get like A' mayonnaise type product into my house that 'I could like put on Turkey was because it was Deese. It was not like the full mayonnaise.

[00:44:47] Trey Gerrald: I've literally never heard of.

[00:44:49] Chelsey Donn: Oh my God. Trey 'I sending you some Deese. You gotta get in the.

[00:44:53] Trey Gerrald: Do you happen?

[00:44:54] Chelsey Donn: 'I. No, but 'I have, we're stupid.